Tourist Trapped: Smallest Emo Rythym Guitarist Falls Into World's Largest Bong Roadside Attraction, Fans in Uproar
41-year-old rythym guitarist and father, Frank Iero, was found this Tuesday morning, miraculously uninjured but inexplicably stuck at the bottom of one of America's lesser known tourist attractions, the World's Largest Semi-Smokable Bong.
While bandmates and friends seem somewhat desperate to save their guitarist, fans seem content to pose at the scene for selfies and autographs - the latter being understandably more difficult to accomplish.
"He was small enough to get in this mess, you'd figure he'd be small enough to get out of it," frontman Gerard Way told the press at the scene of the incident. "Ah, well. He's got air, he'll be fine."
To ensure the guitarist does not go hungry, the remaining members of alternative emo rock band My Chemical Romance have come together to provide sustenance.
"See here," said Ray Toro, lead guitarist and cupcake connoisseur, "We've got all these chip bags, right? He loves these - but the trick is getting them in there. So we're kind of just chucking them in the air the best we can and hoping they'll make it in."
As he said this, bassist Mikey Way demonstrated for the assembled crowd, while his ever-supportive brother cheered him on in the background.
"That was a ten-pointer!" the frontman declared, the lucky bag of Doritos making its landing on the head of the presumably disgruntled Iero.
"Yeah," Way continued, squinting against the sun as he observed the scene. He took a long, contemplative sip of his Starbucks latte, then nodded. "He's alright in there."
While Way seems mostly unconcerned, rumors are circulating that a petition is in place to attempt to smoke the man if it receives 420 signatures in a 69 hour time frame.
In the meantime, a small gang of fans have posed the idea of assembling a crane outside the bong - not to rescue Iero, but to deliver his guitar to him so he can perform for the crowd, even in his time of distress.
Although this is certainly a trying time for the guitarist, some have expressed doubts as to what exactly the man was doing in order to have fallen into the monstrously oversized vessel in the first place.
"He went, 'I'm gonna blaze it!' and just fuckin' bolted," Way said to the press. "I've never seen him climb like that for anything. He was really goin' for it."
Foul play is not suspected.
Iero could not be reached for comment.
More to come as events unfold.
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This is the entire My Chem Discography
I’m deleting my old song master posts in favour of putting them all into one: here’s all My Chem and solo project songs that aren’t on Spotify, some that are but you may not know are MCR, with links to everything except lost media and scrapped songs. PS: I may update to add James Dewees and Jarrod Alexander
My Chemical Romance
All Not On Spotify (Playlist) My Name Is Jonas (Live Feature) Live Covers (Playlist) Nine Volt Heart (Lyrics Only)
Documentary: Punk’s Not Dead
No Links/Scrapped Titles & Songs: Number of the Beast, American Idiot (Live Covers) Stabbing, Wish You Away (Sorrows and Drowning Lesson scrapped titles??) First Chance, Still Alive, Teenage Girl, Pretty, Monster Jam (+ over 30 scrapped DD and CW songs/titles) Dark Cloud, Witch, Wake Up (no longer online)
Frank Iero
Cameo: Punk Rock Holocaust (with Ray Toro) Addiction: A 60s Love Story (with James Dewees)
Bloodnun: Self Titled (full demo) Beneath the Unholy (full side of split) Straying Further From God’s Light (feature)
Sector 12 (aka Steve Weil aka Hybrid): New Demo (full demo)
Death Spells: Sunday Came Undone (unreleased song) Demos (full album)
Leathermouth: Myself (bonus track) What’s A Pulse Got To Do With It? (Bodysnatchers demo) Murder Was The Case (demo)
The Lovecats: Performance Playlist (live band only)
Pencey Prep: …trying to escape the inevitable (full demo EP) Last Rites (short clip) All Otherwise Unreleased/Not On HIS (Playlist: 6 songs) (Cotton Candy is not a Pencey Prep song)
Reggie and the Full Effect: No Country For Old Musicians (Full Album - Ray Toro on lead guitar, Frank on bass, vocals on tracks 8 & 13)
Solo: All Not On Spotify (Playlist) Live Covers (Playlist)
Features: All Vocal Features (Playlist) All Guitar Features (Playlist) All Live Features (Playlist) All Music Video Features (Playlist)
Can’t Find Links: Live at BBC Maida Vale (EP), 2022 (L.S. Dunes Demo) Little Boxes, On The Road Again, True Love, Can’t Hardly Wait (Live Covers)
Gerard Way
The Mo-Fo’s: Demos (Playlist)
Solo: Soundcloud Releases (Playlist) All Not On Spotify (Playlist)
Features: Vocal Features (Playlist) Live Features (Playlist) I’m A UFO In This City (Album Producer) Sleep When I’m Dead (Song Remix)
Ray Toro
Prev. Mentioned: Punk Rock Holocaust 2, No Country For Old Musicians
The Rodneys (Band with Matt Pelissier): Soccertown USA (full album playlist)
Aurelio Voltaire: Raised By Bats (full album)
Mikey Way
Waterparks: Cluster (full EP)
Features: Makeshift Love (music video) We Don’t Have to Dance (bass) Louder Than Your Love (bass)
Matt Pelissier
Prev. Mentioned: Soccertown USA
Revenir: Exiled From Bear County (full album) All Demos (Playlist)
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