#Dan: No I am not parenting this lil shit- shut up | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovinmullen · 4 years

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rules : 10 fandoms, 10 characters, 10 tags. start a new post and list 10 characters from 10 different fandoms!”

thank you so so much for the tag @3milesup :D 🥺

1.) band of brothers - donald malarkey (would happily simp over him any day, like.... look at him he’s gorgeous, lil golden boy who is hot AND cute (how’s that fair btw? spare looks sir. not now tom. not now) i also want to protect him at all costs because he’s a sweetheart (not that he needs it though he’s so strong but everyone can use some lovin once in a while) basically he’s peak best boy🥺💞💗💝💘💖

1.5.) the pacific - andrew “ack ack” haldand (i’m doing him as a 0.5 because they both fall under hbo war so i feel like some people may see it as a cop out but he’s my baby and he is too good for this world he deserves the mention. literally i am so proud of him and so tremendously grateful for him MY GOD)

2.) 9-1-1 - evan “buck” buckley (‘wHaTs a bAssOoN’. enough said. he’s baby your honour)

3.) it’s always sunny in philadelphia - ronald “mac” mcdonald aka my emotional support character along with don (i’m giving you this screencap because even without the context it SENDS ME. i don’t have a lot to say about him other than stan the dumbass character)

4.) dead poets society - todd anderson (HE IS THE DEFINITION OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OKAY I AM SO PROUD OF HIM HE IS SO STRONG AND SO LOVELY AND I JUST *wraps him in the tightest hug*)

5.) pride (2014) - joe “bromley” cooper (IF YOU TAKE ANYTHING AWAY FROM THIS LET IT BE PRIDE IT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE FILMS ON EARTH AND IT IS SO PHENOMENAL. also this was a hard call between joe and gethin but i went with joe purely because of ‘you know what jason? YOU’RE A DICK’ and the fact it’s spat with his posho accent? chefs kiss)

6.) handsome devil - conor masters (my liking of him is just pure projection to be honest. his conversation with dan sherry lives in my mind rent free and it isn’t even a good tenant, making mess for days !!!!)

7.) beautiful boy - david sheff (you guys are probably reading this and are like what?? but i thought seeing steve carell portray such an intensely sensitive character. a parent. a struggling parent. inching to understand but not knowing where to start. to see vulnerability in someone who i’ve only really seen portrayed as a meme was so refreshing and i thought he did a phenomenal job.)

8.) peaky blinders - ada shelby / thorne (god is a women who stood in the middle of a shoot out and told you to shut up. also pretty sure she was eva smith in an inscpector calls GCSE ENGLISH LIT STUDENTS RISE. also also “oi i’m a shelby too y’know, put my fucking film back on” THAT SHIT WAS HOT)

9.) boy meets world - shawn hunter (pure projection also he’s pretty and a dumbass #justmytype😍🤪🥵have this BTS because it gives me life)

10.) jojo rabbit - captain klenzendorf (OKAY LOOK I LOVE ROSIE SHE IS BABY AND I LOVE JOJO OUR CEO OF KICKING FASCISTS OUT OF WINDOWS but i’ve never gotten over the ending okay. how easily he gave up himself because he knows how much potential and life jojo has ahead of him, and how little he has because from where he’s standing the russians taking over isn’t much of an improvement)

gif credit: petercapaldi !!!

i tag (i hope it’s okay that i’m tagging you i just think you’re neat !!! feel free to ignore this) : @malarkeys-beanie @shiftydpowers and @speirtons along with anyone else who wants to do it !!! (bold of you to assume i’m ballsey enough to tag 10 people)

#FIRSTLY IF ANY OF THESE PICS ARE YOURS AND YOU’RE NOT COMFY WITH IT BELL ME #i just used shit in my photo album but i dont want to disrespect or upset anyone because i know how much time and effort #goes into making icons and things so you wanna call me out call me out man and i will fix that sich pronto #this was difficult beause im dumb and the minuite i hyperfixate i kinda forget everything else exists but it was so fun !!!!#and thank you so much for tagging me #it made my heart go💕💗💞💝💓💖💘#to the three people i tagged #i hope its okay #i just think you guys are really cool👉👈#idk🥺#don’t feel like you have to do it though !!!!#i just wanna show i appreciate you

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laketaj24 · 6 years

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Yooo can I get 33 with Hvitserk that’s both fluffy and smutty? I haven’t seen a ton of fics with him and that makes me a lil sad.

Requested by Anon: 4 and 32 with Hvitserk please!!!

Yo! you are completely right!! I’m working on a Hvitserk fic currently! But I don’t plan to post until I have more developed!!! So I hope this oneshot can do some good!

Taste Test: Hvitserk

The soft hints of cherry and almond drift smoothly down yourthroat, yes to this. You exhale placing the amaretto sour down. Work hadconsumed everything you had presently and there was no reason to act as if youdidn’t deserve this drink.

“that’s like your fifth one.” Mariah said.

“Okay, and after this I will have a sixth.” You laugh. “I’,gonna send Hvit a nasty picture. Like dirty as fuck and then ignore his ass forthe rest of the night.”

“That’s cruel.” Mariah poured sweet and sour into her cupand then added a splash of amaretto. “I think you should just invite him overand rock his world. And let me tell you something about some good dick… itcures headaches, tension and sadness.” She over exaggerates taking her cup withher to the sectional in the middle of the living room.

“You are extremely freaky ma’am.”

“It’s because I am living vicariously through you… make himrecord it and we can talk about positions later.”

“Shut up.” You spit. “Hvitserk won’t come anyhow. I haveasked like seven times and every single time he tells me some new shit aboutculinary school and why he can’t come. Fuck him. I’m gonna send him thispicture and get myself off.” A grin spreads across your face. “Actually, I’m goingto send an audio of it and send to him.”

“You devilish freak you.” Mariah shakes her head. “I will carrymy ass right across the hall and allow you to act on your plan ma’am.”

And she did leave you alone but once alone the urge to act outon anything you had said dissolved and you just snapped a picture sending it tohim. You finish down the last of amaretto and turn on One direction. Your secretaddiction but all their songs made you have a private concert in the livingroom. You grab the brush singing Steal My Girl like they’re there with you. “EVE-“Theknocking on the door makes you drunkenly stumble to the door. You swing thedoor open and there he stands. The white shirt is clinging to his chest due tothe rain and his hair is drenched.

“Are you drunk?” He asks with that sneaky smirk on his face.

“No.” You lie.

“Is that One Direction?” his voice squeaks at the last word andhis laughter fills the hallway. “What are you doing over here petal?”

Petal. He’d given you that name because you had a habit ofwearing flowers in your head no matter the occasions and if it wasn’t in yourhair it was all over your dress. “Why are you over here Mr. Martha Stewart?”

“You know there are some men chefs?”

“They are not better than her.” You step back in theapartment and Hvitserk joins you pushing the door closed behind him. “You want anamaretto?”

“Nope.” He looks at the empty bottle. “Not that there is anyfor me to have anyhow.” He makes his way over to the couch and you sit next tohim swinging your legs in his lap and laying back on the big beige pillow. “whyare you drunk?”

“There are so many reasons dear Hvit.” You touch his noseand watch him try to contain his laughter as you spider crawl your hands downyour chest.

“You’re adorable when you’re like this you know? Remember whenwe went to my parents and you didn’t realize you were drinking alcohol and by thetime you did… you were three sheets to the wind?”

“You kept handing them to me damn it.”

“You kept chugging them down, I thought you were nervous.”His smile and slanted eyes warm your heart. “I can still hear my mom now, thisis who you chose to be with, she’s drunker than your uncle. But there is not achance in hell you could ever be drunk like Rollo. I don’t think he’s eversober.” Hvitserk takes your hand. “I haven’t been ignoring you on purpose… youknow this right?”

“Then why have you been ignoring me?”

“Because I had to do seven days straight in a restaurant undera chef.”

You sigh not wanting to hear about the damn culinary programfor once. “Hvitserk, all you talk about is food and eating. You’re going toturn into a plate of food in a few and I can’t even say that I will miss you.”You close your eyes noticing his hand make their way up to your waist. Histhick fingers grip your legs and you sit up. “you’ve neglected me.”

“All you do is whine.” He teased.

“I’m just trying to make sure you understand the truth here,Hvitserk.” You find yourself facing him.

“Lie to me then.” He whispers.

“I would never.” You say dramatically. “but I hope you don’t expect to come over here and just finesse yourself into my good graces.”

“I’m sure something can be done.” He says with a smile.

“Nothing can be done, try me.” You chide.

Hvitserk pecks you on the lips and one kiss turns intoseveral and you melt into him. He can taste the sweetness of the remnants ofthe alcohol and he sucks your bottom lip for a second dragging his teeth acrossis as he allows you to go. “Is the rest of you this sweet? He murmurs, and youfeel him adjust himself so that he is laying back on the lounge of thesectional. You’re still straddling him, and he tugs on your pants. “Lose them.”He says waiting on you to strip.

You do as he instructs and toss the pants in the corner andthen you turn your head eagerly waiting for him to tell you what to do next.Hvitserk grins at you. “Take a seat.” He whispers pulling you over him. Headjusts you in front of his face and lowers you down on him. The cold stream ofair jolts you up but he secures you wrapping his arms around your thighs and flickinghis tongue at your clit then dipping into you. You instinctively throw yourhead back gripping the sectional for support as his quick thrust and licksdrive you insane. Your moans ag him on and releases one of your legs sliding afinger into you and then two, then third stretching you for the perfect burn.Lust consumes you and you find your hips winding in a slow circle as he sucksand nips and laps your juices up. Tiny explosions trigger through out your bodyand you feel your heart beating faster and faster. You try to lift yourself upand he grips you back to him going faster in a perfect combination that fucksyou tired. Your body tenses and then instantaneously you feel it explode. Yourlegs shake, toes curl until they dan near cramp and you feel him smile againstyour teeth.

“Are you still angry?” he asks lifting you and tossing youplayfully to the couch. He pushes your legs apart positioning himself betweenthem.

“No.” You breathe and all the stresses that had you wantingto drink were gone. You were nearly spent breathing hard in search for my oxygen.Hvitserk tosses his shirt to the ground and you smile. “What are you doing?”

“Oh that was just a taste test.” He grins. “I’m ready forthe whole meal now…”

“I never stood a chance did I?” You beam at him.

Hvitserk thrusts into you rocking you up the couch. “Nope.” He whispers.

Tagging a few: @ivarsshieldmadien @equalstrashflavoredtrash @whenimaunicorn@akamaiden @siren-queen03 @titty-teetee @sparklemichele @greennightspider @tomarisela @scumyeol @raindrop-dewdrop @naaladareia @vikingsmania @readsalot73 @oddsnendsfanfics @amour-quinn @wheredidallthedreamersgo @unsure-but-trying @leaderradiante @microsmacrosandneedles @valynsia

#Hvitserk #hvitserk x reader #hvitty #modern!hvitserk #vikings prompt #vikings #woc fanfic

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nickireadstfc · 6 years

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The King’s Men, Chapter 8 – Baby, Now We Got Bad Blood

In which Neil’s birthday surprise bloody sucks, I have opinions about the Terrapins’ naming choices, Matt is too good for this world, and the Twinyard’s first attempt at Actual Human Interaction doesn’t quite go as planned.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The King’s Men.

(This is a longass chapter and lots of shit happens, so this is a longass update. I’m sorry in advance.)

Neil flipped his phone open to stare at the date. It was Friday, January 19th. “Neil Josten” was supposed to turn twenty on March 31st. Today Nathaniel Wesninski turned nineteen years old.

OH SHIT IT’S HIS BDAY!!! HAPPY BIRBDAY MY BOY!!!!!

And we almost made it in time as well! 12 days late, but still – happy late birthday, my dude.

Actual footage of my baking disaster ass making a cake for our birthday boy.

Sadly though, Neil doesn’t care much for his birthday, and because he tragically keeps his mouth shut about it for most of the chapter, neither can anyone else.

I love birthdays. How dare you deprive me of some good good festivity. This is a gosh darn shame, Josten.

Neil knew he went to his classes, but he didn’t learn anything. He wrote down what his teachers said but didn’t absorb a single word.

In other news, when will Neil in uni stop being such a goddamn #MOOD.

Exam season is hitting me hard right now folks, and while I’m tryinfg to play catch-up on my notes this just feels like an unnecessary callout post to my lazy past self.

In other other news – it’s time for Orange Sportsball again!

Our Foxes are playing a home game against Belmonte which, if you’ll all kindly remember, resulted in The Most Epic Move Andrew Has Ever Pulled, Ever last time we played them.

So, you know, no pressure.

Before Neil can pop a boner about being on an actual game court again though, he has a little birthday surprise waiting for him, and it’s, well, how do I put this –

A bloody hell of a situation.

It exploded in his locker, triggered by the door opening, and Neil recoiled as it cascaded over everything insde. (…) The bag looked big enough to hold at least two gallons; it was more than big enough to destroy every single piece of gear Neil owned.

WHAT THE FUCK.

For all y’all non-American folks, two gallons are about 7.5 litres. SEVEN POINT FIVE LITRES.

For further reference, that’s about as much as would fit in this bucket.

Yeah.

THAT’S A FUCKLOAD OF BLOOD.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

Neil wrenched the broken bag off the hook. When he turned to throw it Andrew caught his wrist. Neil hadn’t even heard Andrew cross the room toward him. (…)

“It’s ruined,” Neil said, voice ragged with an awful rage. “It’s all ruined.”

Yup – his entire gear, complete with helmet and shoes, now looks like it played a supporting role in the Red Wedding, and really took on some method-acting for it.

But we’re not done here, oh hot diggity shit no.

Matt’s startled voice echoed off the bathroom walls. “What the hell?” (…)

Written in blood across the tile was a bold message: “Happy 19th Birthday, Jr.”

OH SHIT.

OH SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.

DAD’S HOME, FOLKS.

I am decidedly NOT FUCKING LIKING THIS.

I don’t even want to think about what this means.

If this is the Raven’s doing (which was what I thought about the blood), then that means they’re more in touch with Daddy Wesninski than we thought, which is super bad.

If this is Daddy Wesninski’s own doing, then he’s way more in touch with Getting Revenge On Neil than we thought, which is super super bad.

Either way –

(I also immediately regret calling Wesninski Senior ‘Daddy’. Please remind me to bleach my eyes at the next convenient time.)

He grabbed the fledgling sense of panic and buried it deep, the same way he’d smothered his broken heart long enough to burn his mother’s body. He would have to react to this later, but if he did it now with all of the Foxes as his witnesses he was going to lose everything.

And bury it he does – Neil, that badass motherf*cker, just buries oh, y’know, the realization that his childhood abuser and indirect killer of his mother is figuratively right behind him, somewhere in his brain and moves the fuck on.

What a dude.

“Can you play?” Kevin asked.

“I’m pissed off, not injured,” Neil snapped. “I’m not going to let this keep us from winning tonight. Are you?

GO GET EM, MY BOY.

WHAT A DUDE.

“I will give you one chance tonight,” Wymack said. “If I think your head isn’t in the game, I will pull you so fast you’ll get whiplash.”

HSM basketball gifs will never not be appropriate for this team.

In the cleanup process of the Bloody Hell of a Situation, Matt steps out to grab some underwear for a half-naked Neil, and when he comes back he takes the opportunity to remind us all again what a genuinely great character he is – lest we forget.

Neil opened the door just far enough to realize it was Matt in the hallway and was startled into saying, “You knocked?” (…)

It wasn’t the first time the Foxes had gone out of their way to accommodate Neil#s privacy issues, but they usually had time to think it through. Matt was late for warm-ups because of Neil and shaken by Riko’s awful trick. Despite that he’d remembered not to barge in.

Matt, you sweet considerate spikey black Billie Joe Armstrong, LET ME LOVE YOU.

And now that Neil is all suited and booted (and had his anger horn tooted), let’s fucking go.

The ghost of [the blood incident] egged him to go harder and faster. Kevin didn’t warn him to scale back, and they crashed into their backliner with an unusual aggression.

To the Foxes, what the fuck is unusual aggression?? Instantly fucking murdering a dude right there on the field?

“Unusual Agression” is pretty much those guys’ team motto, folks.

Unsurprisingly, our Foxy Sportsball Squad totally rules the following game, no biggie.

Nothing like a bit of blood, childhood trauma and accidental nudity to get fired up before a big game.

Two minutes later, the Foxes got the chance they needed. A Terrapin striker got around Matt and raced at the goal. (…) Andrew was outside of his box in a heartbeat, and he body-checked the striker hard enough to floor him.

GET REKT.

Also, to remind y’all non-Native English speakers (like me) what a Terrapin is, it’s these cute lil fellas.

Not exactly a threatening opponent.

Not so much a fast one either. Who the fuck thought that naming choice was a good idea, like “yeah, sure, let’s call our skilled Sportsball team after fucking turtles”.

The Team of Poor Naming Choices gets what they deserve, in any case – the Foxes run right over them and celebrate an epic 8-5 victory.

Wymack and Abby were waiting for them, Wymack with a toothy grin and Abby all smiles.

I love me some supportive Fox Parents.

However, the party is pretty much over instantly as the Foxes are back on their infighting bullshit.

Allison (…) kept her eyes on Neil. “I’ve hit the limit of what bullshit I’ll tolerate this week, let alone this year. I need to know how much worse this pissing contest between you and Riko is going to get.”

Can we have literally….. 5 seconds of happy celebratory peace up in this bitch, thank you.

At least Wymack feels me.

“I’m instigating a new rule where everyone is required to be happy after a win. You downers are going to suck the life out of me before my time.”

Thank you, my man.

Allison is kind of right, though – they do need to really fucking talk about this.

“First off: the massacred elephant in the room. Massacred birds, rather. I called in a favour with the faculty and got Abby access to the microscopes in the science labs.”

Oh, that is morbid.

If that Bloody Hell of a Situation was the Ravens’ doing, then that is the most macabre symbolism I’ve seen in a while.

If it was Wesninski Sr’s – then I don’t want to think about the symbolism, quite frankly.

Which reminds me of an interesting point: Everyone is automatically assuming Riko did this. This makes sense considering almost no one knows of the existence of Neil’s dad, but Neil does not only seem to be playing along, but he seems to have the same opinion. The writing on the wall clearly said “Junior” – why isn’t he considering the fact that it could have just as well been his dad?

Obviously, don’t get me wrong here, knowing their power situation Riko/Tetsuji are still behind all of it and would know of what Neil’s dad is doing to Neil. But to me, this doesn’t sound like Riko’s style. Gallons of blood set up like a crude school prank and words written in blood – this sounds much more like a man who calls himself The Butcher than a rich sleek featherfucker.

Unsurprisingly, Neil isn’t exactly a fan of presenting his entire life story to his team. However, a certain someone who is still massively Salty™ at Neil for ratting him out to his girlfriend intervenes.

“They’ll never find proof that Riko was involved in this,” Aaron said, “but they might find you, right? (…) Your looks, your languages, your lies – you’re running from something or someone.”

Ohhhhhhhhhh shit.

This is CALLOUT CULTURE.

While the team is busy collecting their jaws from the floor, Neil makes a weak attempt at sassing his way out of this situation.

Keeping his voice calm took every ounce of energy he had left. “You know, I expected low blows and backstabbing from the Ravens. I thought Foxes were better than that.”

Don’t generalize, my dude.

Dan, Matt and Renee would never.

Neil then does worm his way out of this situation, though – by making a Bad Callout Situation a Worse Callout Situation, Like So Much Worse, Oh God.

“I’m still waiting for a thank you,” Neil said. “From both of you, to each other. You’re even now, aren’t you? So why can’t you just wipe the slate clean and start over? (…) You don’t want me to be right, because if I am it’s your fault she’s dead.”

Andrew finally joined the argument. “No. It’s always going to be her fault.”

Oh no, honey, please don–

“I told her what would happen if she raised her hand again. She had no right to look so surprised.”

DID YOU JUST.

Wymack pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled noisily. “Could you at least let us leave the room before you confess?”

Same, my dude.

Also hah, nose puns.

It took Aaron a minute to find his voice again. He still sounded angry, but there was a muted edge to his, “You wouldn’t even look at me. You wouldn’t say a word to me unless I said something first. I’m not psychic. How was I supposed to know?”

“Because I made you a promise,” Andrew said. “I did not forget it just because you chose not to believe me. I did what I said I would do, and fuck you for expecting anything else.”

And this paragraph right there, this is so, so important because it just sums up both their worldviews perfectly.

Aaron is still the more “normal” one of the twins – hard and bitter, but eventually the more grounded, the more realistic brother. But he also never really got to know Andrew, the real Andrew – whether out of fear of him or out of Andrew’s refusal. Andrew didn’t talk to him, and Aaron never learnt who exactly he was dealing with, so how was he supposed to know?

Andrew, on the other hand, makes promises and sticks to them, absolutely no matter what. He doesn’t care about the means to achieve his goals, he is colder and more ruthless than Aaron – or any sane person – ever could be. And in his world, this all makes sense – legit murder isn’t out of proportion, nothing can be, when it comes to keeping those he cares for safe (lizziedunbar99 made an excellent point on this the other day). When he protects someone, he protects them, all or nothing, and fuck anyone for expecting anyone else.

Yes, hello, I love these idiots.

There it was again: a hint of that infinite anger at Andrew’s core. (…) He put his hand up between [the twins]. A heartbeat later Andrew’s expression went dead. Neil regretted his intervention immediately. No one could let go of that much rage that easily; Andrew had simply buried it where it could hurt only him.

And the moment that anger finally, healthily (!) breaks free will be the happiest day in this goddamn series.

Or, y’know, everything will go up in flames, but them’s the risks when you’re dealing with our favourite Murder Maniac.

In other news – in case you forgot (which I did), the other Foxes are still present, and they do kind of want answers at this point.

“Is [your past] going to be a problem?” Dan asked.

“No,” Neil said.

Allison arched a brow at him (…) “Are you sure about that?”

I want Allison to please barge into conversations like this always, her head appearing over the scene John Cena-style.

This meme is long dead, but watch me give no shits.

“Riko knows who I am because our families operate in similar circles, but he is a Moriyama in name only. He doesn’t have the resources to do more than threaten me.”

“Damn, Neil,” Matt said. “Your parents must be something else if even Riko’s got to follow the rules.”

Oh hon, oh my sweet summer child, you have no idea.

And with that, the conversation is blissfully over, and we have only two tiny things to get to before this monster of a chapter is finally done.

First, Neil gets a text message:

He didn’t recognize the number or the area code. He understood the message even less: “49”. Neil gave it a minute, but nothing else was forthcoming. He deleted the text and put his phone away.

Ah well, I’m sure this ominous and vaguely threating thing was merely a wrong number and is totally not going to come back to haunt our asses a few chapters from now.

And second, the Normal People Squad still has some opinions on the Murder Situation:

“Just like that,” Matt said dubiously. “You’ve always known what he’s capable of, but you said he’s never given you a real reason to be afraid of him. What the hell are your parents into, if you can glide past murder like it’s no big deal and get in Riko’s face all the time?”

OH HON, OH MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD.

Also, me a few books ago.

Oh, how far we’ve come.

Unsurprisingly, yet to my great delight, Renee is not as shellshocked as Dan and Matt about Andrew’s confession, and offers some much-needed insight.

“We cannot understand the situation entirely, Dan. We will never know Andrew’s frame of mind at the time or how bad life with her was for them. All we can do is make a choice: believe that he was protecting Aaron or condemn him for taking the most extreme path. I would rather go with the former.”

Mic drop, sweet smile, Renee out.

God, I love this girl.

If you like what I do here and you want me to continue writing fun things for you, why not buy me a coffee? Every lil bit helps, getting me through uni and all that jazz. Thanks so much!

#tfc #aftg #the foxhole court #all for the game #andreil #tkm #the king's men #nicki reads tfc #nora sakavic #LOVED THIS CHAPTER COME LOVE IT WITH ME

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