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#DOOMED MIDDLE-AGED MEN YAOI.
naetles · 3 months
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FUKUFUKU 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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guroseinsei · 4 months
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Title: an old watch with no parts to fix it.
Rating: Gen
Word Count: 2,4k
AO3
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beepborpdoodledorp · 9 months
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thinking about how freddy n bonnie have lil bits of each others' color schemes in their designs. freddy being primarily red/orange with the blue makeup and highlights and bonnie being primarily blue with the red jumpsuit. thinkin about how it's been them since the beginning. like they were literally the first two characters ever created for the fazbear ent. franchise. how in every game there's always been an iteration of them together up until security breach and of fucking course security breach also happens to be the only one with non-possessed robots with full sentience with thoughts and feelings and interpersonal relationships who can love and mourn. steel wool knew i couldn't resist doomed middle aged men yaoi and they did this to personally spite me
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plagueofsquid · 7 years
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Why I Don’t Hate Fujoshi
There’s a lot of fujoshi hate going around on this hellsite and I wanted to add my two cents.
When I was a middle school girl, I discovered yaoi and it fascinated me. I’ve always hated romance. People are supposed to cry and cheer and blush at romance movies and I felt nothing. It was boring. But when I started reading yaoi, I realized what I was missing. I wanted the relationships to succeed, I needed to see the characters happy in a very personal way. It was like listening to music for the first time, like this whole world I’d been missing, and I was obsessed.
About the same time, I started to think seriously about my feelings towards girls.
I have never felt any serious attraction towards men. I identify as a lesbian and tend to prefer more femme women at that. At first, I rationalized it as wanting to look pretty, wanting to be more like the girls I saw, but by eighth grade I realized there was no denying it. I like girls. I was fortunate to go to a very liberal 6-12 school, but it was still in the middle of Oklahoma and I was the only lesbian I knew. So not exactly a welcoming environment.
I was embarrassed about my attractions. I couldn’t read wlw stories without feeling like they were too sexual for me, even if nothing at all sexual happened. I felt like women’s bodies were too beautiful to look at in such a dirty way. So instead, I read yaoi.
Part of it was because yaoi was easily accessible. I was still at that age where my mom wanted to read all the books I read and watch the shows I watched, and I didn’t have my own money to buy stuff. Yaoi manga is available to anyone with an internet connection and the knowledge of where to find it. I didn’t want my parents to know about my sexuality because I wasn’t sure myself, so I couldn’t ask them to buy me books about gay stuff. Yaoi was all I had.
It was mostly because yaoi didn’t feel threatening. I hated m/f romance because it scared me. I didn’t want to marry a man. The thought of having to do that kept me up at night. I felt like one of those princesses in fairy tales, doomed to an arranged marriage with a person they didn’t love. Yaoi meant girls were out of the picture, and thus kept safe. Women didn’t have to love men in those stories, the men could do that themselves. In the world of yaoi manga, I wouldn’t have to marry a man. I might not be in the panels, but I could live happily however I wanted just outside the borders. It was the only way I could enjoy a romance.
All my friends were straight girls, and they all loved yaoi. It was a different love than I had, but we still spent a lot of time talking about yaoi series and couples and writing our own mlm stories. We would hang out and talk about how cute Germany and Italy were in Hetalia or come up with two male OCs and make them a couple or even the ultimate fangirl cringe, ship guys from our school with each other.
And that was how I knew it was safe to come out to them. They supported me when people would start talking in hushed voices about the homosexuals and when boys yelled that we were lesbians because we made sex jokes. One of them became my first girlfriend, and while that relationship didn’t last long, it showed me that I was brave enough to ask a girl out. We didn’t always find common ground, especially on whether or not the men were actually attractive, but we cried together at the end of Brokeback Mountain.
Yeah, I know yaoi isn’t perfect. It’s pretty bad at portraying realistic mlm relationships, and a lot of that is colored by the strong heteronormativity of Japanese society. Fujoshi aren’t perfect either. The demographic skews young, and let’s be real, kids are kinda shitty. But we always knew yaoi wasn’t the same as real life. It was idealized and romanticized and problematic as fuck, but it wasn’t real and even the straight girls knew that. It was just a way for us to feel safe talking about sexuality and have fun, and no one deserves to be demonized for liking that.
So the next time you see a post about how all fujoshi are homophobic or just sexualizing mlm relationships, think about the girls behind it.
I was one of them, and I’ll never be ashamed of that fact.
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toldnews-blog · 5 years
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New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/world/the-wandering-earth-and-chinas-sci-fi-heritage/
The Wandering Earth and China's sci-fi heritage
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Image copyright Netflix
Image caption The Wandering Earth debuts on Netflix on 30 April
The Wandering Earth has been billed as a breakthrough for Chinese sci-fi.
The film tells the story of our planet, doomed by the expanding Sun, being moved across space to a safer place. The Chinese heroes have to save the mission – and humanity – when Earth gets caught in Jupiter’s gravitational pull.
Based on Hugo Award winner Liu Cixin’s short story of the same name, Wandering Earth has already grossed $600m (£464m) at the Chinese box office and was called China’s “giant leap into science fiction” by the Financial Times. It’s been bought by Netflix and will debut there on 30 April.
But while this may be the first time many in the West have heard of “kehuan” – Chinese science fiction – Chinese cinema has a long sci-fi history, which has given support to scientific endeavour, offered escapism from harsh times and inspired generations of film-goers.
So for Western audiences eager to plot the rise of the Chinese sci-fi movie, here are five films I think are worth renewed attention.
Dislocation
Huang Jianxin, 1986
For most in the Western world, their first encounter with Chinese cinema came from directors like Wu Tianming (The Old Well, The King of Masks) and Zhang Yimou (House of Flying Daggers, Raise the Red Lantern).
Image copyright NANHAI FILMS
Image caption Dislocation explores themes of work and artificial intelligence in a surreal dreamscape
They were largely preoccupied with themes like the loss of youth, tradition versus change, and creating the rural aesthetic most people associated with Chinese film.
But China in the 1980s was a scene of rapid modernisation, urbanisation and Westernisation, and films started responding to the impact of this massive change.
In Dislocation, a scientist creates an android version of himself to attend the endless meetings that rob him of his time, in a black comedy of mechanisation and bureaucracy.
Huang’s take on the debate on artificial intelligence is superbly delivered against a surreal Kafka-esque dreamscape, with stark lighting and suspenseful music, making this film a delight to watch.
Hopefully the new interest in kehuan will see it gain an official release in the West.
Warrior Revived
Li Guomin, 1995
A grown-up style of kehuan emerged in the 1990s, reflecting the themes of identity versus technological advancement which were also occupying Western sci-fi at the time.
Image copyright Shanghai Film Studios
Image caption The low budget appearance of Warrior Revived never gets in the way of its creative energy
In Warrior Revived, police officer Song Da Wei dies a gruesome death on duty and ends up in a decade-long coma. He’s brought back to life by a “miracle cure” from a biologist who has found a way to repair defective DNA.
The genetically enhanced Song finds himself uncomfortable with the cyberised world around him, and excluded by his old comrades. Meanwhile, the heavily maimed villain he gave his life to destroy is plotting to steal the gene formula and wreak his revenge.
Like a lot of great cyberpunk movies before the age of CGI, this early mainland kehuan impresses with its high kitsch, low-budget, imaginative approach.
The villain’s lair is filled with neon tubes, hand-crafted lab controls and walls covered with plastic bowls in the best traditions of the Tardis.
What it lacks in sleekness it more than makes up with innovative costume designs and soundtrack, diligent camera work and the sheer energy from the cast.
Wonder Boy
Song Chong, 1988
The 1980s brought a slew of Hollywood sci-fi films made for children, but which appealed equally to adults – like Explorers, Flight of The Navigator, and D.A.R.Y.L. – and filmmakers in China were taking a similar route.
Image copyright Children’s Film Studio
Image caption Wonder Boy remains popular and is still occasionally played out on national TV
Produced by the Children’s Film Studios and hailed as the nation’s first children’s fantasy film, Wonder Boy tells the story of a child born with the ability to generate electricity.
Bei Bei is bullied by neighbours and kept in isolation by parents who want to protect him, but is still a caring and mischievous little boy, who uses his powers to help others and have fun in equal measure.
When Bei Bei is taken away to be experimented on – by a non-governmental, possibly foreign group – a handful of the close friends he has made come to his rescue.
Well-loved for its humour and accessibility, Wonder Boy is remembered in China as a great classic, and still enjoyed by children today when it is repeated on both national television and streaming services.
Reset
Hong-Seung Yoon, 2017
Produced by Jackie Chan and winner of the 2017 Grand Remi for Best Feature and Best Actress, Reset is a time travel thriller, which addresses a Chinese preoccupation with personal roles in a culture that so totally promotes the good of society.
Xia Tian (Yang Mi) is a senior researcher of wormhole technology and a single mother. When her young son is kidnapped, she is forced to hand over her research, but when the villain murders her child anyway she is forced to test her own discoveries into time travel in order to save his life, and maybe undo her own betrayal of the programme.
Image copyright Beijing Yaoying Movie Distribution Co Ltd
Image caption Reset explores the identity struggle facing many modern Chinese women
The film is an exploration of the plight of a New Chinese Woman, who walks the line between the roles of highly skilled professional and loving mother. The psychological exploration is fantastic. With several versions of Xia being generated by her repeated time travel, the face-off between our heroine and these alternate selves, including a darker, damaged one, creates an amazing tension which is missing from so many Western takes on this classic trope.
A female-led space kehuan story that also deals with single parenthood couldn’t be more relevant in a society that is simultaneously beginning a golden space age, and struggling with attitudes to women’s emancipation.
Super Mechs
Cui Junjie, 2018
Wuxia, or kung fu fantasy, is so intrinsic to Chinese pop culture it was almost inevitable that its tropes would be incorporated into Chinese sci-fi.
Image copyright Seven Entertainment Pictures
Produced exclusively for IQiyi, China’s version of Netflix, Super Mechs is set in 2066 in a world where humanity has begun to experience genetic mutations which leave some people with X-Men style super powers.
Global criminal organisations are threatening the order of society and private entities are stepping up to uphold it by developing highly advanced mechanised power suits.
Hero Xiao Qi is an ordinary office clerk enlisted by the Dragon Clan, who reveal to him his latent mutant ice powers, before arming him with a robotic power suit and sending him on a mission. Little does Xiao Qi know that he will be greeted by another mech-suited warrior with fire-based powers who will fight him to a standstill.
The “warriors with opposite powers” trope is a staple of the wuxia genre, but the film falls deeper down the rabbit hole when this deadly opponent is revealed to be Xiao Qi’s long-lost brother.
Add in ancient warring clans, fast-paced action between the sleek computer-generated mechanical fighters and a cheeky sense of humour from our protagonist, and the high budget Huayi Brothers production appeals to fans of superhero, kung fu and toku/tecuo films alike.
The works of stalwart wuxia authors like Jin Yong are steadily being translated into English, so we will certainly see more from this sub-genre reach our screens.
Acknowledging the rich and varied Chinese science fiction tradition does not at all detract from the pride in the success of Wandering Earth.
With China’s growing middle class and increased youth spending power, Chinese filmmakers are increasingly catering for a booming domestic demand for entertainment, and no longer worry as much about making their films palatable for export.
But with more East-West co-productions in the pipeline, like the animated Next Gen which originated from a Chinese web comic, it is certainly a sensible decision for companies like Netflix to bring films from platforms like IQiyi, to an English speaking audience, and that is going to include kehuan.
Western audiences may not immediately “get” some of these films, or may feel that some elements do not flow to their expectations.
But Wandering Earth and the titles above are the product of China’s culture and worldview. And to some extent, it’s what makes them different that will pique interest, fascinate and entertain.
Xueting Christine Ni is a writer and speaker on Chinese culture, based in the UK. She can be found on Twitter at @xuetingni
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redux-pain · 5 years
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Black QR Cards: story time
石像の話その1 Statue Tale 1 About the Statues, part 1 
如月市にある、謎の石像。 どういう理由で作られたのか? 誰が作って置いたのか? その理由は 誰にも分かっていない。 ただ、 夜中になると石像から 不気味な音が鳴り響く…… ガサガサゴソゴソ…… 一体何が起きたのか……?
A mysterious statue in Kisaragi City. Who built it? Nobody knows. In the middle of the night, a scary sound comes from it. What’s that?!
There’s are mysterious statues in Kisaragi City. For what purpose were they created? Who was the one who made them and erected them? No one knows. But... in the middle of the night, a strange sound echoes from the statues... a rustling sound... What on earth has awakened...?
[EN item name: StatueCard1]
石像の話その2 Statue Tale 2 About the Statues, part 2
夜な夜な 石像の周りで 鳴り響く 不気味な音…… 石像から鳴っているのか、 それとも周りの地形から? 全ては闇に包まれており、実態を 知ることが 誰にも出来ない。 ……ただ分かっているのは、 音と一緒に、 闇の中で黒く うごめく塊があると言うこと
At night, the statue makes a scary sound. Is it the statue, or something on the ground? Nobody knows, but they’ve seen a black shape moving around in the dark.
Night after night, a strange sound echoes around the statues... Does it come from the statues, or from the area around them? With everything shrouded in darkness, no one can know the truth. ....All we do know is that, along with the sound, rumor has it a black shape creeps through the darkness.
[EN item name: StatueCard2]
石像の話その3 Statue Tale 3 About the Statues, part 3
闇を這いずり回るかのように 石像の周りを動きだす闇の生物。 奇妙な音と一緒に、ひときわ大きな 荒い息づかいが聞こえてくる…… その正体とは一体……?
闇の生物の正体を暴きたい者、 命が惜しくない者は 夜の街へと 舞い出てみるが良いだろう……
The creature crawling around the statue in the dark breathes heavy making a scary sound. What is it? Are you brave enough to face it?
A creature stirs near the statues in the night, as if it’s crawling through the darkness. Along with the bizarre noise, you can hear tremendously loud, rough breathing... What is its true form...?
Anyone who wants to expose the true form of the creature in the darkness, anyone who places no value on their life, should go out dancing into the town at night...
[EN item name: StatueCard3]
[note on these three: The lack of plurals in Japanese means they got translated into a story about a single statue in the EN release... however, if you play the game, you know there are multiple statues in Kisaragi, making it much more obvious that this is about the noises from Takano’s machine and his heavy breathing as he goes around measuring Odo.]
鉄の胃袋 Iron Gut A Cast-Iron Stomach
老若男女、誰にも分け隔てなく 優しさを振りまく、 刑事さん。 そんな彼女の 凄い記録を 知っているかい? スウィートリングの食べ放題。 2時間掛けて食べたケーキの 総数まさかの 27個。 鉄の胃袋とは彼女のことか!?
The very kind detective. She’s nice to everyone. Do you know that woman’s record? She ate 27 cakes in 2 hours! Wow! She has an iron stomach!
A detective who shows kindness to men and women of all ages without discrimination. Have you heard about her staggering record?
The all-you-can-eat at Sweet Ring. The total number of pastries she ate within 2 hours... an astonishing 27. Does she have one of those cast-iron stomachs?!
[item name: 王者のカード (Ruler’s Card); EN release: King’sCard]
天使の歌声 Angel Voice Angel’s Song
胸ポケットに最愛の土偶を入れた 見るからに 危険な中年男。 だけど、ただの危ない男ではない。 何せ、その 土偶と会話をする事が 出来るのだ。ウワサによると、 その土偶に 認められた者だけが、 土偶の声を聞く事が出来るらしい。 その声は 天使のような歌声という。
There’s a middle aged guy with a statue in his chest pocket. He looks dangerous. He talks to the statue and lets the statue choose who he talks to. It has an angelic voice.
With his beloved clay figure stowed in his breast pocket, you can tell at a glance he’s a dangerous middle-aged man. But he’s no ordinary dangerous man. Because he can talk with that clay figure. Rumor has it that only people the clay figure approves of can hear its voice. That voice is like the singing of an angel.
[note: “Dangerous” (危険な and 危ない) here is more like “...oh, boy, here we go”, not actually someone who presents a danger.]
[EN item name: ClayDollCard]
緑の腹へ… Green Gut Into the Green Gut...
全身緑の人の、あの膨らんだ 腹…… 一体何が詰まっているというのか? 昼寝している 緑の腹を突いてみた。 一瞬にして、触れた指先が腹に 飲み込まれそうになる…… こ、怖いっ……! 泣きながら俺は逃走した…… 誰か 勇気ある者を求む!
What��is in the green guy’s gut? I poked his stomach while he slept, and my hand got sucked in! It was so scary! I ran away crying. You should try it.
That bulging belly belonging to the guy who’s green from head to toe... just what is it stuffed with? I tried poking the green gut while [he was] napping. In an instant, it was like the finger that poked it was swallowed up...
S-scary...! I ran away crying... Now seeking brave people!
[EN item name: ChallengeCard]
至極の感触 Great Touch The Best Feeling
有志が現れなかったので、再び自ら 挑む事にする。 緑の腹を軽く突く。 波打つ脂肪細胞。さらに突く…… ヤバイ…感触が マシュマロのようだ 夢中になって触る俺 と、そこへ、俺の意中の 女子が 白い目を向けて通り過ぎて行った… 後は任せた有志たち(´;ω;`)
No challenger? I’ll try again. First poke, the fat wiggles. Second poke, it’s like a marshmallow! It’s nuts! The girl I like just passed and gave me a weird look. I dare you to try!
No volunteers showed up, so I’ll tackle it again myself. Gently poking the green gut. Ripples of fat cells. I poke it again... Yikes... the feeling is like a marshmallow. At that point the girl I like passes by. I’m touching it as if I’m in a dream. She gives me a disapproving look... I’m leaving the rest to you, volunteers  (´;ω;`)
[EN item name: ChallengeCrd2]
俺は男! I’m the Man I Am A Man!
すげー怖いことで有名な、あの コンビニ店長に挑んでみることに。 と、とりあえず 怖いので、 遠目から観察。隠れて観察。 店長はずっと掃除をしている。 とりあえず、 入り口にゴミを投下 かなりの剣幕で回収して行く。 やべっ……楽しいww
The guy at the convenience store is a really crabby guy. I like to mess with him. I drop trash at the enterance and he comes and picks it up angrily. It’s so funny!
Challenging that convenience store manager is famous for being super scary. S-since it’s scary, I’m watching from a distance to start with. Hiding and watching. He’s always cleaning. To start with, I drop some trash at the entrance and he comes to pick it up with a super pissy look.
Uh oh... this is fun lolol
[EN item name: Man’sCard]
俺は男? I’m the Man? I’m... A Man?
コンビニ店長の回収スピードに負け ないため、 次々と投下する。 次なるゴミを手に、投下準備に入る と、 1人の少女が俺の前に… 俺を凝視し、次に俺が手に持った ゴミに目を止める。少女は 冷たく笑 って去って行った…… ぐはっ…俺様に 100のダメージ↓
I keep dropping the trash, but the last time a 1little girl came up to me and laughed at me, then walked away... I suffered 100 points of damage!
So I don’t get beat by the store manager’s picking-up speed, I'm gonna drop [trash] over and over. With the next trash in my hand, I go in, preparing to drop it. The girl in front of me... she stared at me, and the trash in my hand caught her eye. She left with a cold smile... Guha... My incredible confidence took 100 points of damage ↓
[EN item name: Man’sCard2]
集え我らが希望! Wanted Together, We Are Hope!
この世で出会いたくない女性。 それが、 市民会館のババァ! あれはヤバイ! 人じゃない! 美青年は 絶対に近づくな! ヤツのテリトリーに入った瞬間 即死亡。さあ、ぶさいく軍団よ、 お前たちがこの世の最終兵器。 ヤツの生気を奪い去れ!
This is the girl I don’t want to see. she works at the civic hall. She isn’t human. If you’re attractive, you’re doomed. Ugly guys, use your powers to overcome her!
There’s one woman in this world you never want to meet. The old lady of the Civic Hall! She’s a terror! She’s inhuman! Handsome young men: do NOT approach her! The moment you enter her range, you’re doomed. Ugly crew, you guys are the world’s final weapon. Drain her life force!
[EN item name: SummonsCard]
私の愛しい人 My Man The One I Love
3区にある ユウジ様のお店。 みんなは変って言うけど、 全然そんなことないんだからね? ユウジ様は本当に最高なの! ああ、この想いを受け取って もらえないかしら……。 とりあえず、 ラブアタック 内容を、次から報告しちゃいます☆
Yuzi’s 3rd area store. Everyone says he’s strange but I don’t think so. I want him to know how I feel. I will report more on what I did later.
Yuuji-sama’s store is in Sector 3. Everybody says he’s weird, but I don’t think so at all. Right? Yuuji-sama is the best, actually! Oh, I wonder if he’ll accept my feelings... I’ll start with an assault of love. I’ll report its contents in the next one☆
[EN item name: LoveSeedCard]
泣かないで…… Don’t Cry Don’t Cry.....
愛しの ユウジ様の胃袋を満たすべく 手作りクッキーをポストに投下。 ああ、手に取り喜んで下さっている 私、 し・あ・わ・せ♪ て! ウソでしょ!? ユウジ様ったら、つまずいて、 クッキーを全部ぶちまけちゃった… ああ、 ユウジ様泣いてらっしゃる…
I gave Yuzi homemade cookies. He finds them and seems happy. So I’m happy... Wait! He falls down and spills the cookies everywhere. He’s crying...
I put some homemade cookies in my beloved Yuuji-sama’s mailbox, to fill his stomach. Oh, he’s picking them up! I’m su-per ha-ppy ♪
Huh?! Are you serious?! Yuuji-sama tripped and spilled all the cookies... He’s crying...
[EN item name: LoveLeafCard]
私の天使様 My Angel My Angel
ユウジ様のクッキーを手に、 入り口付近でうろうろする私。 と、そこに 白いコートが似合う 美少年、いや 天使様が登場…… だけど、目の前を バカ面した男が 遮ったのでムカついてクッキーを 投げつけてやったわ!  ふんっ! 私は今日から 少年を追いますわ♪
I’m at the enterance with cookies for Yuzi, but a guy in white passes. He looks like an angel. I gave him a cookie.  From now on I’ll chase the good looking guy.
I’m lurking by the entrance to give Yuuji-sama some cookies in person. ...And, a handsome boy appears--no, an angel! In a white coat that looks great on him. But a man with a goofy face got in front of me and blocked him, so I got mad and threw the cookies at him! Hmph! I’m going after younger guys from now on ♪
[note: These three have been using "watashi”, indicating that they’re written by a woman. ...No information about her age, but yes, she does say she’s going after  “shounen” from now on, not bishounen. (Bishounen is usually used for guys under 20 anyway; Western fandom imported it early on as a new type of genre aimed at girls was developing, and it’s become divorced from the age connotations of “shounen”**.) Anyway, she’s talking about Shinji here, so... hopefully she’s 17 or 18!!!
**This also applies to terms like shounen-ai and shoujo-ai, which were historically used to refer to pederasty, and saw a resurgence in the manga world when early sexually-charged yaoi works were emerging. Current Japanese fandom has dropped shounen/shoujo ai because the words are so age-specific. Of course the replacements, Boys’ Love and Girls’ Love, are just direct translations of the problematic words... but English-speaking fandom already did the same thing with shounen and shoujo, so it’s fair enough.]
[EN item name: LoveFlowerCrd]
ただ者じゃない He’s Something No Ordinary Guy
TOYBOXに、毎日居る俺。 特に、格闘系では 負けなしの俺。 と、そこに今日は店長が乱入 あんな、ヘラヘラした男に負けるか 甘かった…… 秒殺されたorz アイツのコマンド入力は神の領域! 悔しい…あんな男に負けるなんて! クソッあのTシャツ脱がしてやる!
I play games at Toybox everyday. I normally lack an opponent for fighting games. The manager played against me. I can’t believe I got owned by such a nerd!orz
I’m always at TOYBOX, every day. I’m especially good at the fighting games. I never lose. So today the manager took me on in one...  I figured I couldn’t lose to that goof. So naive... He slaughtered me orz He’s absolutely godly at punchng in the commands!
This sucks... I can’t believe I lost to HIM! I’m gonna rip that friggin T shirt right off him!
[item name: 勝負のカード (Battle Card); EN release: ContestCard]
邪魔すぎる He’s Annoying Quit Blocking Me
いつも大きな犬と一緒に居る少女。 あの犬… オスなのか メスなのか? も、もしもオスならば、 俺様の キックがクリーンヒットするぜ! HAHAHA! これで少女は 俺に一目惚れ!? あっいや… そんな目で見ないでくれ… 俺様は、ろ、 ロリコンじゃねえ!
The little girl always has a big dog. Is it a boy or girl dog? If it’s a boy I’ll kick it! Hahaha! I wonder if she’ll like me? But don’t mistake that. I’m no pediphile.
There’s this girl who’s always with a big dog. That dog... is it a male or female? I-if it’s a male, I’m gonna score a critical hit with a kick! HAHAHA! Maybe then the girl will fall for me?! Uh, wait... don’t look at me like that... I-I’m not a pedo!
[item name: 絶体絶命のカード (Driving-into-a-corner Card); EN release: StalemateCard]
[note: The use of “ore-sama” and video game terms in this one might hint that it’s the same author as the ones about dropping trash in the convenience store. Also, starting to feel like I should have let some of the people in this town die after all]
羨ましすぎる I Envy Him Quit Being So Lucky
凄い美女2人を見つけちまった! 1人は ツインのドリル! もう1人は ショートのブロンド! あまりの美しさに、 ハート出たさ☆ だけど、その2人となぜか、 男が一緒に居やがった…… しかし、そいつも 美青年…… よ……世の中ずりぃよ(ノω・、)
There are two pretty girls. One has gorgeous curls, the other cute  short hair. They broke my heart. A guy was with them.  ���e was  very good looking. It’s not fair.
I found two incredible beauties! One with twin drill-braids! The other with short blonde hair! Their colossal beauty made hearts pop up☆ ! But for some reason there was a guy with them... And HE was good-looking, too... The world... the world is cruel... (ノω・、)
[note: ハート (haato) means the actual ♡ symbol. And the EN release makes this sound like it’s about Rui and Mika, but it’s actually Natsuki and Nola.]
[EN item name: GoddessCard] 
一体何がしたい? What? What The Heck Is She Doing?
如月学園の国語教師なんだけど、 たま~に、海岸沿いを走ってたり、 太陽を見てブツブツ言ってたり、 一体何してるんだろう?  それにさ、 同じ場所を グルグル 回ってたりするんだって。 なに? あの先生も何か信仰中? 次見かけたら、 通報しようかな……
The Japanese teacher of Kisagari School was running around the seaside talking to himself. What is he doing? Sometimes he just walks in circles. Is he a member of a cult? I should tell the cops.
She’s the Japanese teacher at Kisaragi Academy, but now and then she runs along the coast, staring at the sun and muttering to herself. What the heck is she doing? Plus, she goes around and around the same spot in circles. What is going on? Is this teacher part of some religious thing too? Next time I see her, maybe I should call the cops...
[note: Another mistake due to lack of coordination in the EN release. Aoi is the Japanese teacher, not any of the male characters.]
[EN item name: ReportCard]
成敗してやるぅ! I’ll Beat You I’ll Give You What You Deserve!
謎のカメラマンが如月市に来た。 愛想が良く、住人達には人気だが、 俺は アイツだけは気にいらねぇ。 アイツは、 美しい大人の女性に 気に入られようとしている 変態だ! 臨時の講師してるのも、きっと 女子高校生が目当てなんだ! ネガにはきっと… け、けしからん!
A mysterious cameraman moved to Kisagari. He’s popular with everyone but me. He tries to get pretty girls but he’s a freak. He’s also a teacher at the high school, but I think he’s after young girls... Oh no!
A mysterious cameraman has come to Kisaragi. He’s friendly enough, and popular with the people here, but I don’t like him. He’s a pervert trying to get in good with pretty grownup women! And he’s a temporary lecturer [at our high school]. He’s gotta be after the female students! His film negatives must be... a-absolutely scandalous!
[EN item name: PervertCard]
これぞ紳士 Gentleman Now That’s A Gentleman
ベンチに座り、海を眺める、紳士様 ふと、立ち上がろうとした瞬間、 前のめりに、 顔から倒れる紳士様。 そして、 私と目が合うこと数十秒。 紳士様は何事も無かったように 素早く立ち上がり、身なりを正すと 会釈をして去って行った。 ……これぞ 英国風の紳士様?
A gentleman is on the bench, looking at the ocean. He falls to the ground, catching my eye. He pretends there’s no problem. He stands up and bows to me. Is he an English gentleman?
Sitting on a bench, gazing at the sea... a bona fide gentleman. Suddenly, as he tried to rise, the bona fide gentleman pitched forward and fell over. And he made eye contact with me for a few moments. The bona fide gentleman rose as if nothing had happened, fixed his clothes, nodded to me, and departed. ...Is this the meaning of a bona fide English-style gentleman?
[item name: マナーのカード (Etiquette Card); MannerCard]
☆アンラッキー☆ Unlucky ☆ Unlucky ☆
幸運を手にしたいって? あははっ…… ふざけんな。 そんなの手に出来るなら 俺が先に使ってるっての。 ハイ残念でした。 このカードを手に入れた人は 最高の不幸を手にしたぞ^^
You want good luck? Muahaha! I took it from you! Sorry. This card is for bad luck!
Are you looking for some good fortune? Ahahah... gimme a break. If it’s possible to get it like THIS, I’m gonna use it up first. So, too bad for you. Whoever finds this card will find the worst possible misfortune. ^^
[item name: 幸運のカード (Good Luck Card); EN release: HappinessCard]
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