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exoscenarios3 · 5 years

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Love Is Complicated. (SuhoxReader) Pt.5

Pt. 1, Pt. 2, Pt. 3, Pt. 4, Pt.6

It’s been a year, and Suho and I have kept our relationship a secret for this long without literally anyone finding out, which I was very proud of, honestly. I can’t believe we kept it a secret for this long. The only problem is, Avia was officially home now, she had been back fo a while. She was done with her trip, and always at home. Today, however, she was gone for work, and Suho came home early because I wasn’t feeling well. I insisted he stay at work, and that I probably just had a small cold, but he got off anyways and came to my apartment to take care of me.

“You sure you don’t want to go to the doctor?” He asked, feeling my forehead.

“No, I’m fine really. My stomach is just trying to murder me is all.” I say, curling into a ball on the couch.

Suho sat next to me, and tried to get me to eat soup, but anything I ate, I threw back up. His face was filled with worry, and I could tell he didn’t know what to do in this situation.

“Tell me what I can do. There has to be something.” He said. I shook my head.

“Don’t worry about me, really. I’ve been sick before, I can handle it.” I say. Suho started to say something, but his phone rang. He let out a sigh and answered it.

“What is it?” He asked in his business voice. “No. I left early for a reason, can’t it wait?” He asked. “I swear to god if this is just one of your dumb ‘I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing’ things, I will fire you.” Suho yelled into the phone, hanging up angrily. “I have to go back to the bank, apparently, one of our clients backed out of something, so I have to go speak to them.” He said, taking my hand. “Will you be okay without me?” He asked, going back to his soft voice.

“I’ll be fine. Just go.” I say, laughing a little at him. He kissed my forehead and left my studio apartment.

Today was Saturday, so I knew Lay would be off, so I called him to ask if he would take me to the pharmacy to get medicine. He agreed and came to pick me up.

“Man, so much cool stuff here, it’s a shame that none of it will be bought by anyone.” Lay said, looking around.

“You can have two candies.” I say, rolling my eyes. Sometimes, he acted like an actual child.

“Two!?” He yelled, running off to the candy isle. I went to the pharmacy desk.

“Hey, I have the flu, and I need to get rid of it fast, because I really don’t have the time.” I said. “Don’t give me the soft stuff, I need the hard stuff. The Mariah Carey has to sing tonight stuff.” I say, whispering the last part.

“Of course miss Kim.” The lady said. “What’s your symptoms?” She asked.

“Well, I’m nauseous, I can’t keep anything down, I have a major headache, my boobs kinda hurt.” I said, holding my boobs for a second in discomfort. She looks at me strangely.

“That doesn’t sound like the flu.” She said, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course it’s the flu, what else could it be? I mean-“ I started to say more, but I turned my head and saw the pregnancy tests and everything basically just clicked into place.

“This counts as one.” Lay said, holding up a giant gummy bear made out of more gummy bears.

(Ten points to anyone who can figure out where that’s from)

~~~

The test turned out positive, and I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself. I threw away the stick, and walked out of the bathroom shocked.

“Man you were in the bathroom forever.” Lay said, putting down whatever random thing he was playing with. “I mean jeez, what took you so long?” He asked.

“N-nothing. I’m not. It’s nothing.”’I ramble. “We have to go to Suho’s Office.” I say.

“What? Why? I didn’t think-“ He started, but I cut him off.

“It’s an emergency!” I say, leaving the pharmacy, and going to his car.

He drove me to Suho’s Office, and everyone looked at me like they had seen a ghost as I walked through the building. I could see Suho yelling at an employee from his desk, Avia was sitting in the chair across from him. The employee left with his head hung low, and I walked in before the door could even close.

“Whoa, What’re you doing here?” Avia asked, obviously annoyed and ready to try and fight.

“I don’t have time for you, I need to speak to Suho. Alone.” I said, cutting her off quickly.

“About what?” She asked, crossing her arms, and raising her eyebrows.

“Lord Voldemort is back, and I murdered him.” I say, giving her a look.

“Suho’s over you, it’s been a year, get over it.” She says, rolling her eyes.

“Okay, she beast, it’s important, it’s about Kai and I need to speak to him alone.” I say, waving a dismissive hand at her.

“You don’t-“ She started.

“Avia.” Suho said, gesturing his head towards the door. She looked at him and then at me, and huffed before getting up and leaving.

“Okay, act annoyed at me, because your whole office is pure glass and everyone can see everything we’re doing.” I say, starting to pace.

“...Okay? But why are you here? You should be at home resting and not pacing around like a mad man.” He said, watching as I paced.

“You know how this morning I thought I had the flu?” I asked.

“Yeah, it was just a few hours ago.” He said.

“Yeah, well I went to the pharmacy to get medicine for it, and the lady told me my symptoms didn’t sound like the flu, so I was like well what else could it fucking be, ya know? Like obviously it’s the flu right?” I said, rambling again.

“Just spit it out, what do you have?” He asked, scrunching his eyebrows at me.

“It’s not what I have... but what WE have.” I say, nervously. “Suho... I’m pregnant.” I say, stopping my pacing to look him in the eye. He froze completely, staring off into space. “Suho? Hello?” I waved my hand in front of his face, but nothing. “Suho please say something.” I pleaded. I turned around and see Avia, Lay, And Baekhyun staring at us from Baekhyun’s desk. I give a quick smile, but turn back to Suho.

“Pregnant.” He said, finally. “What do we do? I mean, we’re going to have to tell everyone now, right? I have to study up on parenting. Oh god. I’m busy, like, all the time, what if we’re the parents that never pays attention to our kid because we’re busy and we only let the nanny take care of it?” He said. Now he was the one rambling.

“It’ll be fine. We’ll tell everyone, separately, we’ll be perfect parents and everything is going to be just fine.” I say, trying to calm him down. He stood up and started pacing too.

“I mean. A baby? How can we- what if we- I’m.” He said, putting his glasses on the desk.

“Let’s just wait to tell everyone until we go get a sonogram in a few weeks, and see what’s going on in there, and then we’ll tell everyone.” I say. Suho nods and take a deep breath.

“I’m gonna.” He starts. “I’m gonna pass out.” He said, passing out, and landing on the floor.

“Oh my god.” I said, bending down next to him.

Avia, Lay, and Baekhyun rushed into Suho's office, slamming the door open.

"What exactly did you do!?" Avia asked, outraged. She crouched down to Suho. He had woken up, but was still out of it. He tried to sit up, but she made him lay back down quickly.

"What happened?" He groaned.

"You just passed out for some reason." Avia explains.

"Do we take him to the hospital or?" Baekhyun asked, not knowing what to do in this situation. He isn’t the only one.

"No, he didn't hit his head, and he probably just got too hot or tired." Avia explains, moving a strand of hair out of his face, which kinda made me wanna punch her in the face. “I’m late for work, so I have to leave. Just get him some ice.” She said, laying Suho down gently, and leaving the room.

“What the hell happened? Why are you here? Why did Suho pass out?” Baekhyun asked, freaking out.

“Baek, please. Calm down, give him space.” I said, making sure Baekhyun wasn’t hovering over Suho. “I’ll explain everything later, I swear, just... get me some cold water.” I said. Lay got up, and went to get a cup of water. I poured it on Suho’s face, and he shot up. “Are you okay?” I asked, putting my hand on his shoulder.

“I’ll be fine.” He said, holding his head.

“Here.” I say, giving him a towel to dry off, and also gave him the ice. “Can you give us a second please?” I asked, looking at Lay and Baekhyun. They gave me a weird look, and lingered for a second, but got up and left the room, standing close by the windows. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked, worried about Suho.

“Yeah, I think so. I’m just trying to process everything.” He said, looking at the ground. “You’re pregnant.” He said, looking up at me.

How Suho processes life changing things is always weird. First he freaks out about it, then he’s happy about it, then he freaks out again and so on and so forth.

“Yeah, I am.” I say, smiling.

“You’re pregnant! With my kid! I’m gonna be a dad!” He said, excited.

“So you’re happy about it?” I asked.

“Of course. Do you know how much I love you?” He said, holding my hands. I smiled at him even bigger than I was before, but remembered that Lay and Baekhyun could see us. I pretended like I was just helping him up, and let go of his hands quickly, backing away from him.

“We have watchers.” I said, gesturing my head towards the boys. Suho looked over, and waved for them to get back to work.

“We’ll have to talk about this more when I get home. I really want to hug you and kiss you right now, but since everyone can see us...” He said trailing off. “We should get married right? I don’t want to be those parents who had a kid and never got married, and then have to explain to our kid why we never did, and they get jealous of everyone else’s parents.” Suho started rambling again. Like I said, he has a weird way of processing things.

“Suho, calm down. We’ll figure everything out later. We have plenty of time.” I say, holding him by his shoulders. “I’m gonna go. I just couldn’t wait for you to get home to tell you, and I love you, and I’ll see you later.” I said, leaving his office so he could get back to work. I really wanted to kiss him goodbye but because we can’t let people know, I couldn’t. Lay and Baekhyun followed me down the hall and out the building.

“Tell us. Tell us. (Y/N), tell us.” They basically chanted all the way out.

“Oh my god, I can’t. It’s just personal stuff that I have to deal with, and I’m just stressed out about it.” I said, running my fingers through my hair.

“You know, (Y/N), sometimes life throws us crazy curves. And, yes, this moment may be the biggest curve,” Baekhyun started, motioning a curve at his belly. “You’ve ever had to deal with, but just because your family is getting bigger does not mean that you can’t handle it. You and Suho can handle anything.” He said, smiling.

“Wow. Baekhyun, thank you. That’s exactly what I needed to hear right now. God, it’s so weird that you found out that I was pregnant before anyone else did-“

“PREGNANT!?” Lay and Baekhyun yelled at the same time, catching me off guard. “Wow. (Y/N)!”

“Yeah, What did you think?” I asked, confused.

“I thought you were getting a dog.” Baekhyun said.

“Well why did you go like this?” I asked, doing the same curve move at my belly like he did.

“That’s the sign for petting a dog that’s sitting on your lap. But pregnant!? Wow! Oh, that’s amazing!” Baekhyun said.

“Wait whose is it?” Lay asked. I closed my eyes and shook my head. They can be such idiots.

“Suho’s.” I said, rolling my eyes.

“You two have been sleeping with each other? And now your pregnant? Talk about awkward.” Lay said, looking at Baekhyun

“No, we haven’t been sleeping with each other. I mean we have been, but we actually got back together a while ago. A year ago to be exact.” I admit.

“And you didn’t tell us til now!? What!? I thought we were your best friends and to think, we helped you out in your darkest times.” Baekhyun over exaggerated.

“I had to keep it a secret. I’m sorry. But now you guys have to keep this a secret, until Suho and I figure everything out. I swear to god if either of you mentions anything about babies to anyone, I will drop kick you I swear.” I say, pointing at the two of them.

~~ Third person~~

It had been a few hours since the big news. Avia had come back from her work, and met up with Baekhyun and Lay at their desks.

"So how is he doing now?" She asks.

"He seems to be doing fine. Well better than fine, he keeps smiling at his computer. I wonder what he's looking at?" Baekhyun says, peering into their boss’ office.

"Yeah it’s a bit-" Avia watched Suho. It was honestly puzzling. "Strange," She says, walking into his office. "You seem to be feeling better." She says, smiling.

"Yeah I a-" Suho looks at her, and his face turned white. "Oh shit. Well you know I'd love to talk but I'm busy, and you're busy, and we gotta be busy in different places, and, so, yeah, you should leave. Not because I don't want you here, or like I'm scared of you or anything, why would you think something like that?"

She moved to say something, but he started rambling again.

"I'm not paranoid what are you talking about? No way, no one is paranoid here. You go on... and you do drugs, or gamble, or something else wholesome." He said, leading her out.

"Uh okay?" She turned back to Baekhyun and Lay. "What the hell?"

"You know it’s probably just the b-" Baekhyun began, but Lay kicked him.

"Buttload of uuuuuuuhh of uuh drugs... That he is doing." Lay winced at the end of that sentence.

"Right... I’m leaving." She says, shaking her head and leaving the office, quickly.

~~Your P.O.V~~

A few weeks passed, and Suho and I went to go get a sonogram, to make sure the baby was okay.

“Oh, there it is. It’s completely healthy, it’s still too soon to tell what the gender it is, but it looks like it’s developing pretty well.” The doctor said, pointing at the screen. Suho and I smiled at each other, happy to hear the news. “Oh wait... There’s another one. Looks like you’re having twins.” He said, looking closer at the screen.

“Twins!? As in two babies? That look alike?” Suho asked, shocked.

“Not exactly. Twins don’t have to look alike... But there are two.” The doctor said with a smile. “Now. You two comeback in eight to ten weeks, and I’ll be able to tell you the gender of the two lucky babies.” He said, turning the machine off, and taking off his gloves.

“Twins. We’re having twins.” Suho said, looking down at me. I’m sure my face mirrored his. We were both beyond shocked, and didn’t know what to do. “We can handle this right?” He asked.

“Honey, we can handle anything. The twins are going to be beautiful, healthy, talented, and smart, and they’re going to have the best parents in the entire world.” I say, squeezing his hand.

We left the doctors office and headed home. Once we got there, we had to discuss future matters.

“Okay, so I guess today’s the day when we tell everyone the news.” Suho said, putting his keys on the table, as we walked in his apartment.

“I guess so... What about are living situations? We should move back in together, right?” I asked.

“Well, I’m not having my pregnant girlfriend live by herself. What if something happens? Plus, since we’re telling everyone today, there’s no need to sneak around anymore.” He said, sitting on the couch with me following.

“Okay, that’s settled then.” I say, letting out a sigh.

“I think we should get married. Maybe not go all out like the first time, but just have close family and friends there, somewhere small, no interruptions.” He said, grabbing my hand.

“I would like that.” I smile, giving him a kiss. He took the ring off my finger, and stood up, bringing me up as well. “Suho, what are you doing?” I asked, amused. He got down on one knee, and held out the ring.

“(Y/N), I love you so much, and now you’re carrying not one, but two of the most precious things with you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and start this family right. Will you marry me?” He asked. I laugh and nod.

“Of course I will.” I say, he stood up, and wrapped his arms around me, and then put the ring back on my finger, giving me a passionate kiss, before letting me go.

“I say you move back in right now.” He said.

“My lease isn’t up until next month though.” I say, pouting.

“I have money, babe. Don’t worry about it.” He said, taking a hold of my hand, and leading me out of the apartment again.

We drove to my studio apartment, and Suho basically bribed me out of my lease, and we started packing up my stuff. Even though I really liked this small studio apartment, I was happy to go back to Suho’s. I hated being away from him, and not being able to wake up next to him every other morning.

Suho texted Avia, Lay and Baekhyun to meet him at his place in a few hours. By the time we got done packing everything up, loading it into the car, and bringing it back to Suho’s place, the time for the others to get here was very near. We brought in the last box, and the three of them walked in.

“What the hell is all this?” Avia asked, looking around at all the boxes laying around.

“Oh, you’re here. Good.” Suho said, nervously. “Okay, I need everyone to sit down.” He said, leading everyone to the couch. “We have an announcement to make.”

“Uh oh.” Avia says, not liking where this is heading.

“(Y/N) and I have gotten back together. We’ve been back together for a year now.” He started.

“Excuse me!?” She practically yells.

“Let him finish.” I say, giving her a look.

“I know, you don’t approve of this, but it happened and I’m very happy, and I love her very much.” Suho said, putting his arm around my waist.

“Oh my god.” She rolls her eyes.

“We also plan on going through with getting married, and she’s moving back in with me, hints to why all the boxes are here.” He continued. Baekhyun and Lay has a huge smile planted on their faces.

“This is ridiculous.” Avia says, obviously mad. Suho let out a sigh, and continued.

“There’s more. A few weeks ago, (Y/N) came to me with some exciting/stressful/happy/painful/amazing news... The reason I’ve been acting so strange and seeming like I’ve been avoiding you lately is because, well, she’s pregnant.” Suho announced.

“What!?” Avia straight up screams.

“Pregnant!!! A baby!!! I’m so happy I could die!!!!” Baekhyun yelled in her ear.

“Suho, you can’t be serious?” She says, standing up now. “

Well, He is. And it’s not just a baby, it’s twins, I’m having twins!” I say, more to Lay and Baekhyun than her. The two boys jumped for joy, and came to hug me.

“Twins!? TWO whole babies!? Oh my god that’s gonna be so fucking cute. If you need anyone to babysit, I’m free anytime. Except for weekends and nights, but anytime during work hours, I can totally watch over them.” Lay said, earning a look from Suho.

“Are you hearing yourselves!? Twins?? And you hid all of this from me for a year!! Do you not remember what she did to you?” Avia says to Suho, furious.

“It’s hard to forget when all you do is bring it up.” Suho said. I could tell this wasn’t about to go well.

“Okay, See, it’s my cousins, brother’s, dog’s birthday, and I can’t miss it so, I’m gonna go.” Baekhyun said, noticing how much the tension was building.

“Yeah, me too. My Grandma is at the same party, and she just turned twelve so.” Lay said, leaving quickly with Baekhyun.

“Suho, I refuse to let you get back together with her.” Avia says, ignoring the two boys.

“Well, it’s already happened and you’re not his guardian so,” I start, but Suho put his hand out in front of me to stop me.

“You don’t need to be stressed out too much, let me handle this.” He said in a sweet voice to me.

“Well, it’s already happened and you’re not my guardian, so.” He repeated, with almost the same level of sass I had, but not quite.

“Suho, she slept with another guy, while you were engaged to her!” She argued.

“Oh please, you have no room to talk.” He said, rolling his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” She asked, crossing her arms.

“Oh don’t play dumb. You slept with the entirety of Kai’s bank just to get to the top, AND you even thought about cheating on Chanyeol with Kyungsoo multiple times, don’t think I’ve forgotten those conversations we had from last month. You’re even more of a slut, so don’t start.” Suho yelled.

“Suho...” I said, shocked. I was a little mad that she had done all that but still continued to call me out for my one (1) mistake, but I did think Suho went a little too far with that one.

"But I didn't cheat on him. I thought we were supposed to be friends. You lied to me for a whole year. If you told me, then yeah, at first I would've been frustrated but can't you see I just wanted you to be happy?"

"Avia I'm-"

"Save it, I have places to be." She says, before grabbing her bag to leave.

"Wait, there's a lot of explaining that all of us need to do please just stay so we can talk." I plead.

"Right now, the two of you are the last people I'd listen to." She turned her back and left the apartment.

I was trying to calm Suho down, when Kyungsoo came in.

“This was at your door.” He said, bringing in a box.

“I’ll open it later.” Suho said, rubbing his forehead.

“I ran into Avia in the hall. She told me what happened.” Kyungsoo said, sitting on the couch.

“You guys hid this for a whole year? That’s impressive.” He said, nodding. It was always hard to read him.

“We’re sorry for keeping it secret, but this is what I was trying to avoid.” Suho said, standing up to look inside the box that he said he’d open up later. “Yup. It’s everything I’ve bought her.” He said, looking through the box of clothes, jewelry and pictures.

“You should’ve told her earlier.” Soo said, watching Suho look through the box.

“Either way, if I told her now or earlier, it would’ve gone down the same way.” He sighed.

“It’s exactly like when you broke up with me.” I scoffed. “What a copycat.” I said to myself, quiet enough to make sure no one could hear me.

“She just needs time alone, she’ll come to her senses.” Suho said, putting all the stuff back in the box.

“She seemed pretty upset, maybe you should see her later.” Kyungsoo said.

“It’s kinda disappointing that she told you the news though...” I said, pouting a little.

“Well, I’m an actor so, I can act like she didn’t tell me.” He shrugged.

“I’m pregnant!” I say, basically screaming it.

“You’re pregnant!?” He said, screaming too.

“With Twins!!!” I yelled.

“With TWINS!?” He repeated, acting really excited like he never heard about this. “I’m so happy for you two, you’ll be great parents.” He said, giving us a thumbs up.

~~ Avia’s P.O.V~~

It had been a few days, Suho hadn't come to talk to me since that night. I regretted getting rid of all of mine and Suho's memories, bc now my apartment was completely bare, and overall extremely sad.

I got a phone call, and answered it quickly, without checking who the number was, "Hello," I said.

"Hello, dear. We just called to make sure you're coming to our dinner tonight. It is a tradition, but you have been so busy lately, we just wanted to make sure we didn't need to move it. It wouldn't be the same without you," Suho's father was calling about the annual dinner we had at his mansion to celebrate the end of the tax season.

I winced thinking about having to confront Suho again, but I didn't want to drag his parents into the drama surrounding the two of us.

"Of course I'm coming, I wouldn't miss it for the world." I say as happily as I could muster.

"Great, see you tonight."

I hung up quickly, and groaned at the thought of having to confront the two of them tonight. I wasn't even sure that Suho's parents knew (Y/N) and him were back together or pregnant.

It just hit me that I would have to go to this dinner completely alone, and since I gave back everything Suho had gotten me, I didn't have a dress fancy enough for the event. I groaned, and fell onto my bed in frustration.

A knock echoed through my apartment, and I secretly hoped it was Suho, but when I answered, I saw that it was D.O. My brain lit up with an idea quickly.

"Hey, I just came to check on you to see if you were feeling any better." He said.

"Not really, but you know what would be really helpful? If you could be my date to Suho's family dinner tonight." I say, brightly.

"Really?" His face lit up. It was cute how excited he got, and I blushed slightly. "I mean, uh, yeah, I can totally do that, what's the dress code?"

"Formal, very formal. Dress to impress." I say, simply. "Great, so just meet me here tonight." I say.

Great. So one thing done, now all I needed to do was go out to get a dress. I kept saying it was a family dinner, which was somewhat true, it was hosted by Suho's family, but a lot of executives and CEO's would be there including Kai, Xuimin, and Chanyeol so leaving a good impression was extremely important.

~~Your P.O.V~~

I knew about the dinner, I went every year with Suho, but this year I was even more nervous than any year before. Suho’s dad already didn’t like me, and he didn’t know that Suho and I were back together, and if he finds out I’m pregnant, lord knows how he’ll react.

I put on my dress, and let out a nervous sigh. Suho came behind me and zipped the back for me.

“Don’t be nervous, it’ll be fine, I promise.” He said, kissing my cheek.

“Your dad hates me, and after the wedding he probably hates me even more, and now I’m carrying your children. and he’s going to disapprove even more.” I ramble.

“We don’t need his approval. I love you, and I want to be with you, and that’s all that matters.” He said, turning me to face him. He gave me a kiss.

“Suho, He said that the next mistake you make, he’ll replace you with your brother.” I say, worried.

“He won’t. You’re not a mistake. Just take a deep breath and calm down, okay?” He said.

The doorbell rang, and he went to go get it. I pulled my hair up in a bun, and pulled out a few pieces. I looked at myself in the mirror. After putting on my jewelry, I went to the living room where Suho was and we left the apartment. We went to the dinner by a limo, and as soon as we arrived, I got even more anxious as before. Suho noticed and squeezed my hand. I took another deep breath, and we got out of the limo.

Suho put his arm around my waist, and we went to the room where everyone was. Suho’s dad came to greet us, but as soon as he realized I was there, his expression changed quickly.

“Suho, always nice to see you, son.” His father said, shaking Suho’s hand, completely ignoring me. “Can’t really say the same for you. What is she doing here?” He asked.

“Nice to see you too, Mr. Kim.” I said, giving a fake smile.

“Dad, (Y/N) and I have gotten back together, and I would really appreciate it if you would treat her nicely.” Suho said, pulling me a little closer. Suho’s dad nodded, and walked away without saying anything. “See, all good.” Suho said, smiling at me.

“I wouldn’t say it’s all good.” I say, spotting Avia coming in.

“Father must have called her.” Suho said, looking over at her.

“Let’s sit down.” He said, gesturing to the table. We sat down and Avia sat across from us, with Kyungsoo. Suho’s dad did his normal speech, and looked down at Suho.

“And now a few words from my delightful son, Suho.” He said, sitting down. Suho stood up, and looked at everyone in the room.

“Thank you, everyone, for coming. This dinner happens every year for the end of tax season, it’s the one time where all banks can get together and get along.” Suho said, earning a small laugh from everyone. “Everyone, please enjoy your food, and make sure you don’t drink too much, we don’t want a repeat of last year. I’m looking at you Carol.” Suho joked. Everyone laughed again. “Anyways, here’s to a good year for all of us.” He said, raising his champeign glass, before sitting back down.

Suho’s phone lit up, and he quickly looked at the text message as his father stood up again to make another speech.

"You don't have to be childish about this." He said, looking over at Avia.

"Oh, so, hiding the truth from me, so you don't have to deal with the consequences isn't childish?" She whispers.

"That was different, I didn't want to upset you."

"So instead of upsetting me, you planned to hide the truth from me forever, and then when that plan failed, you decided to attack me? Remind me why you are in charge of a multi-billion dollar company again." She retorts.

“You know you and Lauren would have fought again, and I didn’t want either of you to get hurt.” Suho whispered.

“Both of you stop. This is not the time or place to be doing this.” I say, leaning forward, so everyone at the dinner table wouldn’t hear me.

“Lauren’s right. You’re both acting childish, so just stop. This is a pretty important dinner, with important people, and the son of the actual largest man in Korea can’t break out into a fight in front of all these people. Think about your reputation.” Kyungsoo said, looking at Suho during the last bit.

“Just call a truce for tonight, it’s all we’re asking.” I say.

Avia huffed frustrated, she opened her mouth to say something, but Suho’s father walked over to us in his round around the table.

"The turn out is great this year, and already gotten a jump start on the next season." Suho's father raved.

"Wow that's great sir," Avia said, in a way where she was kissing up to him. Suho glared at her for a moment, before angrily stuffing a fork full of salmon and spinach into his mouth. "Oh I almost forgot, I know you're such a busy person I hope you, your wife, and Suho can all find time to come see my movie when it premieres." I explain. I honestly didn’t know she was in a movie. Maybe Suho told me, but I didn’t listen.

"Of course, sweetheart, we wouldn't miss it for the world." Suho's mother spoke up.

"I'm sure I have something that day," Suho tried.

"No it’s your day off, I checked." Avia smirked. Suho covered his eyes and groaned, annoyed.

"What is that matter with you?" His father asked.

“I’m just a little tired is all, I’m fine.” Suho said, taking a sip of wine.

“So, (Y/N). What have you been up to?” Mr. Kim asked me. I paused eating my food, and looked up at him, surprised he was asking. I knew it was pretty much a sarcastic question, and I didn’t know if I should answer or not.

“Well... Right now, I’m just kind of working here and there... I’m not really doing much...” I said, trailing off my sentence at the end, when I realized the only one who cared what I was saying was Suho and maybe Kyungsoo.

“And what made you want to get back together with Suho after what you did? Did you not have enough money working odd jobs, so you came back to him so he could support you?” His dad asked, I squeezed my fork and bit the inside of mouth to not say some smart ass answer that would cause a scene.

“Father.” Suho warned.

“I’m just asking. You never know with these girls.” Mr. Kim said.

“These girls?” I asked, the attitude starting to come out of me. Suho put his hand on my thigh, to calm me down.

“There’s no angle, she’s not trying to get anything out of me, we genuinely love each other. Besides, I work hard, so she doesn’t have to. She could completely stop working for all I care.” Suho said, holding my hand now.

“Not to mention, she’s pregnant.” Avia says, nonchalantly. It’s like the whole place went completely silent to look down at us.

“Excuse me!?” Mr. Kim yelled.

“With twins!” She said, pretending to be excited.

“That was not your news to tell.” Suho said, glaring at her.

"Were you just going to lie about it until they were born, and then decide to tell him? You two have a habit of hiding the truth from everyone." She retorts.

Kyungsoo put his hand on her lower back, and pleaded with his eyes for her to stop.

"How long exactly have the two of you been together since you've reunited?" Suho's father asked, bracing himself against the table.

"About a year." Avia says, before either of us could answer. "I was surprised too when they told us, but hey, if you're lucky, Suho will insult every aspect of your personality." She says.

I saw Chanyeol, Kai, and Xuimin had caught on to what was happening, but the people sitting further away were still oblivious.

“A year!? You told no one!?” Mr. Kim yelled. “Wait until your mother hears about this.” He said.

“I am a grown ass man, I can be with whoever I want, it shouldn’t matter to any of you. It’s my life, not yours.” Suho said.

“Getting back together with the girl who cheated on you, and announced it at your wedding, and now this. Of course it matters to us, it matters to your whole reputation.” Mr. Kim said.

“Suho wasn’t the one who started to cause a scene in the middle of this dinner.” I say, looking at Avia.

"Don't even start. She has every right to be angry." Kyungsoo finally spoke up.

"Yeah, I don't see why I'm being punished for trying to be a good friend." She says.

"You both just need to stop, there are a lot of important people here who will use this against Suho, and I know even though you’re mad at him, you still care about him." Kyungsoo whispers. Avia sighs, and bite her lip nervously.

“... And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the saga of the businessman and his mistress. Being written by... Kyungsoo, who is an actor but a writer on the side.” I said, making something up, trying to make it believable.

“Ah, yes. That was a rehearsed argument, and I’m glad everyone enjoyed it. Nothing was real, proceed with your dinner.” Kyungsoo said, going along with it. “Now, you two, zip it for the rest of the night. I don’t want to hear a peep out of you.” He said, sitting back down after the dinner went back to it’s normal chatter. “And Mr. Kim, with all do respect, please try not to cause a scene anymore. This could jeopardize everything you two have worked for.” He said, his tone serious.

~~~

The dinner had gone back to normal for everyone else, but at our end of the table, there was definitely tension. Suho and I decided to get up and talk to the others here, just to get away from his dad. Suho did all the talking, I was pretty quiet, smiling when I had to. After about an hour or so passed, everyone was pretty much done with eating. There was an after party, but Suho suggested that we didn’t go.

“Are you sure? It’s a party, so it’s not like we’ll have to talk to your father or anything.” I said.

“I really don’t think we should go. It’ll probably be better if we just went home and rest.” He said.

“Suho wants to rest? Wow.” I say, jokingly. “Alright, we can go.” I say.

We got in our limo and headed home instead of the after party.

#exo #exo angst #exo au #exo scenarios #exo smut #exo fic #exo fanfiction #exo fluff #Suho #baekhyun #chanyeol #do kyungsoo #kai #lay #Kim Jongin #Kim Junmyeon #exo k #exo m

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taran42181 · 4 years

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Losing Sean to addiction and illness...one year ago......

I’m not sure why exactly I’m writing this. Maybe because there’s not a human on this earth, I can talk to the way I can to a blank page. It’s too many layers of things and just confusing to be honest. I’m writing this with limited editing. For an English major it’s not going to be my best work, but the only way for me to get my thoughts out raw and unfiltered is to not care about the silly nuances of grammar. Perhaps that is why I chose to call this blog “Ramblings” because essentially that is what it will be.

I’m sitting here alone, for the first time in weeks. I’m grateful for the chance to quarantine safely in my home with books, tv, food, water, heat, etc. I’m grateful for the extra family time and extra sleep. However, I need my me time. I can only take so much interaction before I need to retreat for a while.

So what is on my mind..what is on my mind..is that I’m missing my brother. Actually, I’m missing my childhood family as I once knew it. Two gone, One sick and one in another state. Such is life. I’m reminiscent. I cringe typing this, because so many people have it so much worse. So many people have so many more struggles and why should anyone give a damn about what I’m missing? We all have stuff do deal with in life. I feel, I post too much as it is, about my life on social media..but I’ll never stop acknowledging Sean or my dad. I’ll just keep the details of my feelings to this blog. I can write, which I love to do, without being a “Debbie Downer,” Sorry.

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Dear Sean, You are on my mind so much. I got to text with Paul and Eric out in Colorado and damnit, I’m thankful for them. I’m thankful for Rich, too. I’m glad you had friends that loved you for you. Friends that chose you as family. It means the world to me.

I’m thinking of you Sean, because this time last year, you were dying. You were laying in a bed at CMC, struggling to breath. I’m scared of the coronavirus and devastated and anxious for the patients laying in ccu beds on vents and their helpless families. I watched what irreversible ARDS can do to someone and its downright terrifying. It’s ironic that I’m hearing what it does, when just a year ago, I was watching it happen to you.

I tried for years to shield people from your less redeeming qualities; the severity of your mental illness and addiction. It’s so easy for people to judge without knowing the person behind it all. Some people are unforgiving and I wanted to protect you from them. I didn’t see things through rose colored filters. I was tough on you a lot. I was embarrassed and sometimes even afraid for you. I prayed you wouldn’t hurt or kill yourself or accidentally hurt someone else when you were using.

You started out in life as the funniest, happiest little guy I ever knew. You were my best, and for several years, only friend. You never minded hitting record on the cassette player and being my audience when I wanted to sing Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston songs. We walked home from school together every day, and we started neighborhood clubs together. You let me boss you around and played every game I ever asked. You always thought of me when you did things and included me. We both had trouble finding our place in the world at times, but had each other.

It broke my heart when you were 16 and I was 18, and I started noticing you had been acting weird. I had never lived with an addict, and I think it took all of us a little longer than some, to notice the signs. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from a bad choice. You made a choice, and honestly I know it was for the sake of peer acceptance, to try heroin. I’ll never forget the day I confronted you and made you call mom at work and tell her you had been using heroin and couldn’t stop. In hindsight that was a terrible decision on my part towards mom.

It would take days, months even, if I were to write about the years between this day in 1999 and April 1, 2019- the day you died. So, I won’t recount all of it. In short, you suffered all those years. We suffered as a family. We discovered you had many physical health issues, some irreparable. We discovered you had more severe mental health issues than the current mental health system was prepared for, and we saw your addiction spiral to an honestly impressive tolerance. I’ve yet to see anyone else compare. I’m not saying that as a good thing, just the reality. You were hurting, you hurt others and it was a vicious cycle. I won’t sugar coat it. You kept your distance and I tried to protect what I could of your reputation when people asked about you. The truth is your mental illness led you to some dark places and with that, you lost many friends and acquaintances. I know some people never knew you enough to form an opinion, other than a bad one. For their lack of insight into your issues, I don’t hold anything against them. I understand why people would judge harshly and detach from someone who was self destructing. However, I’m so grateful for the people that saw past the bad and remembered that there was a kind, compassionate guy in you somewhere. I’m thankful for the relatives that would ask about you, remember you at holidays and not take your isolation personal. They forgave your mistakes. They loved you and that never waivered. I hope you know that. I know you felt shame, Sean. You felt guilty and hated. I also know you just wanted to be accepted. It saddens me that some family chose to not come out here when you died. They chose to NOT be here for mom when you died. They chose to not honor you as a human being. This doesn’t refer to all of them. Only a couple. Some didn’t acknowledge your death at all! I understand and I know you do too. It’s hard with families and jobs and I hold no ill will. It’s hard, especially coming from out of state. Some of themy expressed their condolences and I was grateful. Some though, judged you and didn’t like what you had become. Maybe you had done or said things to them, and weren’t on good terms with them. Maybe because you didn’t bother to visit them or engage in their lives. Ha! If they only know what your life had become. Alas though, your death wasn’t important to them. Mom’s loss wasn’t significant. They couldn’t be inconvenienced to be here one day for mom, unless it fit their schedule. You didn’t have cancer, you didn’t commit suicide. I’m sure they were surprised it took this long. It makes me sad, but it’s their fears and ignorance that kept them away. I forgive and move on. Guess what though? your true friends and family showed up. I saw Mike and Lem and some other of your childhood friends. Eric, Paul and Rich. My friends from CMC and so many others. I’m forever grateful for each and every person who came to your service or called. Sean, the bottom line is that your life was complicated. My feelings on everything are complicated. ((sigh))).

So, having touched on all the negative stuff, I want to tell you how much you meant to me and still do. I know you knew. I told you all the time I loved you and you told me. We had so much fun together. I wish more of the world saw the Sean that I did. You were kind, funny and loving. You only showed yourself at your best to your nieces and nephews. Somehow despite it all, you managed to be a positive in their lives. It breaks my heart how much the kids miss you, especially your buddy James. When you were doing well, you were amazing. Those times in between, when I know you tried harder than anyone has tried at anything, I cherished. You had so many positive qualities. I’ve still yet to meet someone that compares to your intelligence and quick wit. You are one of a the best writers I know and could play the best pranks.

Watching you die was the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. Even harder than watching dad die. Ryan and I have talked about the comfort we find in knowing you and dad are together. Maybe dad had to die first, to be there to bring you home.

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For those of you still reading that don’t know what happened when Sean died.. I’ll tell you. A quick side story though... My mother has a neuroendocrine malignancy and parkinsonism. A tiring and frustrating combination of mysterious symptoms. Anyway, much of the last few years she has been in and out of the hospital. Thankfully, we are closer to a more accurate diagnosis and treatments, but her quality of life has diminished. She was a healthy, vibrant healthcare administrator and an active board member for various community organizations in Denver. Approximately 7 years ago, was the beginning of her decline. She still lives life to the fullest though, does not look for help or sympathy, and does her best each day. She amazes me and on her best days you wouldn’t know anything was wrong!

Anyway, about two weeks before Sean died, she had a bad episode in the middle of the night. Paramedics took her to the hospital. It was awful. The next morning, I called Sean to check on him. No answer. A couple of hours later, my mom now stable at the hospital, asked me if I’d talked to him. I told her I’d keep trying. I called and called. I went over to Sean’s apartment and although I had a key, I had to break the chain lock. When I got to his room, he was in bed. He had vomit all over him and was unresponsive. I called 911 and luckily was able to get him to wake up by screaming directly into his hear. When he came to, he was lethargic and disoriented. I wasn’t able to ascertain exactly what he had taken. My only regret that day is that I didn’t go to the hospital with him. Sean’s had many overdoses. I was frustrated and relieved he woke up and thought this would be another one of his hospital admissions. My mom and Ryan have resuscitated him in the past. He overdosed and was intubated several times over the years, before the days of getting Narcan at home. (And yes, he did get lots of “tough” love too. He was in treatment many, many, many times) Sometimes treatment was hard to get because of his co-existing mental and physical issues, but my angel of a mother never gave up on him. She was scammed out of money by a “recovery coach” and hit a lot of roadblocks through the years, but she always tried to keep him alive. She never gave up hope for him. She has been judged for this, but you find out what you would do when your in situations. Anyway, enough sidetracking.

Sean was taken from his room with paramedics and police to the hospital. I fully believed he would be ok. I had to work that evening and called the hospital to check on him. I wasn’t able to find out where he was or what was happening. My mom found out he had gone into respiratory distress and had been intubated. Sean, having been intubated previously on several occasions, had repeatedly told my mom he did not want vented ever again. I’m glad we weren’t there for them to ask us, because his honest feeling was that he didn’t want to be saved but we didn’t have a written dnr and we didn’t want to lose him. In any case, he was intubated and admitted. I went to see him the next day and when I spoke quietly to him, but he woke up and started trying to talk over the vent. I told him I loved him but I was leaving because he needed to rest. I reminded the staff of his high tolerance for sedatives and told them I’d try to stay away as to not agitate him. The nurse was very sweet and understanding.

The next few days I was there in between kids activities, school and work. I tried to visit him and my mom as much as I could. Fast forward, each day Sean got sicker and sicker. I left my phone in my car one day to get coffee at wawa and when I came back I saw the hospital had called. Sean had coded, but they got him back. I went over to the hospital. I took my mom from her hospital room to ICU to see him. They did a TEE but it was negative. They told me he was septic. He had a very bad infection in his lungs. He had what you may be hearing about now on the news, called ARDS. He was so hot that I could have literally cooked breakfast on his skin. He was on a cocktail of antibiotics. Sean had pre-existing lung issues and the night before I found him, Sean had taken drugs. Which ones and what kind, I’m not sure of exactly. He had sedated himself so much, that he went to bed, drank something in his sleep (he had a bottle of orange juice with him) and he aspirated. Had he not taken too much of whatever he did that night, he wouldn’t have been lethargic and under the influence. Had he not brought orange juice to bed, he wouldn’t have aspirated. Laying in bed for a day, after choking, and his breathing diminished, made for him too become too sick to recover.

He continued to deteriorate until they could not longer keep him vented. (side tracking again, if your family member is intubated for any reason I strongly suggest you research what you can and know your rights and options). It came to a point where we had to make a decision. Sean was “out of it’ for most of the time, but he would wake up at times. It was agony because we knew he didn’t want to be vented but he needed it to live. The Palliative care doctor decided we could slowly wean him off things that made his judgement cloudy. Not immediately, but when and if, he was coherent enough, she would talk with him directly. We ask him and he communicated with head nods and pointing. He even tried writing and then he tried and pointed at letters on a keyboard. The day came around and Ryan, mom, me and the Palliative care doctor spoke with Sean. His intensivist told us his lungs would “never recover.” If he were to be take off the vent, the only way he could live was to have a permanent trach. My mom having health issues, and at the time, still a patient herself, wouldn’t be able to care for him full time. He would be likely left to live out years and years, in a nursing home on a trach. If he was healthier and this was reversible for him, it would've been a no brainer. Unfortunately, he had a lot stacked against him. The doctor explained to Sean what happens if we take the tube out. He kept motioning for us to take it out. She explained without the trach he would stop breathing eventually. He indicated in several ways, he clearly understood. For Sean, living each day was a struggle. I think even if he had a better chance at recovery, he still wouldn’t have wanted it. She asked him if that's what he wanted several times and each time, he indicated yes. I had to leave the room to not lose it and break down. So it took a while but they slowly weaned him off of the vent. He asked for Mountain Dew, his favorite. He couldn’t swallow or drink so we put the smallest amount on a one of those little mouth sponges, and gave him a taste. He coughed and coughed, but smiled. He wanted his music, so we played his favorites for him. Frank Turner, Billy Brag, mainly. (much of the music he introduced me too is now stuff I listen to regularly) The three of us spent the next several days with Sean, watching him die. We told him stories, he listened. He tried to laugh. He cried. We cried. He slowly and painfully left the world after three or four days. I can’t even remember how long it took. I told him I would get a tattoo to match one of his. He pointed to one on his arm, that he wanted me to get. The day after his death, I got the tattoo. His breathing became more difficult. His skin burned and burned and even with cooling packs, they couldn’t help him. It devastated me to see him suffering at the end of his life, even though the nurses tried their best to keep him comfortable. Each time he had what I now know is called “Cheyne-stokes” respirations, we would think the time was near, but he kept on. We told him it was ok to go and that dad was waiting. My angel mother prayed over him, with him. She sang to him and I’m damn positive she delivered him to God herself and helped him transition peacefully between the two worlds. I don’t know where she got the strength. She never left his side until the last day. I wasn’t as strong. I couldn’t handle hearing his breath sounds without crying. I’m glad my mom and Ryan could, but I know it wasn’t easy. So, if you’re still reading this long story. wow. and thank you . I feel better for having wrote it out. It’s so much to talk about. I have some really great friends that let me vent to them during it all and have been there for me still. More angels that walk this Earth. <3

I know this is jumbled and all over the place. Half talking to Sean, half talking to whomever is reading. I apologize, but it has been cathartic for me to get it out.

Sean, in the end, I love you. Your life mattered. You had many positive impacts on people. You are missed. We are grateful for having had you for 35 years and I won’t ever forget you!!

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