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chibsytelford · 4 years

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Anniversary

*** GIF CREDIT TO CREATOR ***

@everyhowlmarksthedead requested - Me again 😏 Drabble challenge. Gilly with 11 and 46.

Prompts - “If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.” and “I thought you were dead!”

Taglist - @everyhowlmarksthedead @rebel-without-cause-x @whyisgmora @starrynite7114 @sadeyesgf @jadesamhart @fangirlingaesthetics @talicat713

You and your boyfriend Gilly thought it would be a nice idea to mark your 1 year anniversary by having a nice picnic on the beach, just the 2 of you. Gilly had changed your life since you met him. From day one he has been your rock. What attracted you to Gilly was his sense of humour. He was a quiet man, but occasionally he would come out with something that would leave you in tears of laughter.

You worked in a small café and Gilly was a regular. He would come in every day and order the same thing, a bagel with jam and a coffee. He never said much to you, but you always caught him looking at you, and he even sent his friend over once to ask if you were single. Then one day he managed to work up enough courage to speak properly to you. You still remember the interaction fondly.

“Can I have some butter for my bagel instead today please?” he had shyly asked you flashing you a small smile. You handed him the butter and you thought that was the end of it until he turned back around.

"Did you hear the rumour about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!" That joke he made was enough to win you over on the spot, and a year later you were still going strong.

-----

You and Gilly spent the morning making up your picnic basket. Gilly was in charge of making the sandwiches, and you were in charge of the goodies. You chose some chocolate, fruit, popcorn and crisps to go along with the sandwiches.

“Are you ready to go Y/N?” Gilly asked as he carefully packed up the picnic basket. He grabbed a blanket from the cupboard and added that in on top.

“Yeah I’m ready, let’s go babe”. You drove your car to the beach because unfortunately the picnic basket would not fit on Gilly’s bike. You loved sitting on the back of his bike, with your arms wrapped around his muscular body, cheek pressed against his back, hair blowing in the wind.

You pulled up 30 minutes later and luckily you had the whole beach to yourself. It wasn’t raining, but it wasn’t exactly warm either, and usually that was enough to put people of from coming to the beach.

“Why don’t we set up over there?” Gilly pointed to a golden section of sand that was surrounded by rocks and beautiful green seaweed.

“Sounds like a plan” you grabbed the picnic basket from your car and walked hand in hand down to the rocks. You were so glad Bishop gave your boyfriend the day off from club business. You had text the Mayans president explaining it was your 1 year anniversary with Gilly and he was more than happy to give him some time off so you could spend it together. You made friends with the Mayans immediately when Gilly finally introduced you to them. He was hesitant at first because he thought you might “like the other guys better than me” were his exact words. You spent that evening showing Gilly just how much you loved him and only him.

Gilly unpacked the blanket and spread it out on the sand, and gestured for you to sit down. He carefully unpacked the sandwiches, and the other goodies and spread them out in front of you.

“I made your favourite” he commented as he passed you a simple ham and coleslaw sandwich.

“Thank you Gil” you pressed a kiss to his cheek and took a bite from your sandwich. You spent the next few hours reminiscing about things you did together the past year, and what new things you wanted to do in the next few years of both your lives.

“I have an idea” you said to Gilly as you stood up and started to take off your clothes.

“What are you doing?” Gilly asked as he nervously looked around to make sure there was still nobody at the beach.

“I’m going skinny dipping, and you Gilberto Lopez, are coming with me” you said as you stripped down to your bra and pants. You reached your hand out for Gilly to take and you helped him stand up.

“Are you crazy? It’s freezing mami!” you were definitely more adventurous than Gilly was. He wasn’t a scaredy cat, but he needed a bit of persuasion to agree to do crazy things with you.

“Pleaseee” you pouted your bottom lip and you knew that would make him reconsider.

“Fine” he replied as he stripped down to his boxer shorts. “If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.”

“You won’t die Gilly, the water isn’t even that deep” you took off your bra and pants and threw them behind you. “Race you there” you shouted as you sprinted down to the water and jumped in. You looked behind you to see Gilly just standing there staring at you with a big grin on his face.

“Come on!!” you shouted at him. “It’s not even that cold” Gilly took off his boxer shorts and joined you in the water.

“Please tell me you brought some towels with you?” he asked.

“Ummm, no?” you flashed him a sweet smile and he playfully shook his head at you and splashed you with some water.

Gilly suddenly disappeared and you started to panic, turning around in circles trying to spot him. It was about a minute before you felt him tug your leg and pull you under the water with him. You both re-emerged and you slapped him on the shoulder.

“I thought you were dead!” you half shouted at him.

“I am” he shrugged. “Drop dead gorgeous” You couldn’t contain your laughter and the 2 of you were laughing crazily like teenagers in the water.

“Come on, let’s head home” you said to Gilly as you headed for your clothes to put them back on.

“Happy anniversary Y/N” your boyfriend pulled you in to him for a kiss that lasted a few seconds. “I love you mami”.

“I love you too Gilly”.

#gilly lopez #gilly lopez fanfic #gilly lopez drabble #mayans mc #vincent vargas

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themenof--freeridge · 4 years

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Moving On

Pairing: Oscar Diaz x Reader

Requested?: Yes- jeyramarie - Reader coming back to Freeridge because of Julia’s death to support Monse(her sister) and seeing Oscar after many years, now the reader is a CEO or something and dresses really fancy.

Warnings: none

Hearing about your mother’s death didn’t make you feel instantly sad. Monse, your little sister, had managed to connect with her recently but you never made any attempt to know about her.

Monse kept you informed on your mother’s life but you only kept up the interest for Monse’s sake. Nevertheless, when Monse relayed the news of her death to you, you felt like you needed to be there for her.

The moment you stepped foot in your childhood home, you released a worried breath. Monse met you in the living room and wrapped you in a hug so tight, you had the wind knocked out of you.

When she stepped away, you looked at her, wondering how she grew so much while you were away. Watching her smile widely, you returned the smile, feeling proud to be her sister.

She was already dressed in black, ready to head over to Julia’s house. She followed you to your old room and watched as you packed your stuff away and began to change into your own black garment.

The two of you made small talk, getting giddy when she brought up Cesar. In the middle of catching up, Cesar knocked on the front door and made himself at home. When he entered, you watched as he and Monse shared a knowing, loving look. He greeted you and you patted his shoulder, begging him to take her out of the room so you could get ready.

The gathering happened and ended without incident. Monse introduced you to Julia’s husband and her kids; all you could do was smile politely and try not to be jealous at the lavish lifestyle that your mother managed to have with these people.

When you returned home, you immediately when to bed, knocking out even before Monse had a chance to ask you if you wanted to have dinner with her.

The following day, you were going to meet up with some of your high school friends, so you made breakfast for Monse and your dad, all the while wondering what to wear to impress them.

Taking a shower, you finally decided what to wear. From working away from home, in the city, you managed to hold down a pretty desirous job at a large corporation, which allowed you to improve your wardrobe choices.

Looking into your closet, you picked a violet ombre, mid-thigh, thin-strap dress. You picked a matching shawl and tied your hair up in a tight bun that let the full length of your neck show. You picked out silver teardrop earrings and left your necklace behind, wanting to leave your clavicles exposed.

When you stepped into a matching pair of ballet flats, you looked at yourself in the mirror, satisfied with your choices.

The group of girls picked a nearby café, so you opted to make the stroll rather than hire a car. When you reached the café, you found you were the only one there; the others messaged to say they were running late due to different family-related setbacks.

You sat at one of the larger tables at the back of the café and settled in. You took out your phone and began checking your work e-mail, always paranoid about what you were missing.

The bell above the entrance to the café dinged, but you didn’t look up to see who entered. Only when a shadow appeared over your table did you look up.

Thinking it was one of the girls, you smiled. However, that smile dropped the second your eyes fell on Oscar Diaz’s form. He kept your gaze as he took one of the chairs opposite you.

It had been so long since you’d last seen him; he looked like a complete stranger. Even though he felt like a stranger, you still saw the kindness and softness behind his Santo-turned eyes.

“It’s been a while, mami. When did you get back?” He leaned forward with his arms out on the table, hands clasped as he studied you.

You cleared your throat, finding your voice. “Just got back yesterday; Monse’s mom passed away so I came back to support her.”

“You mean your mom?”

You nodded. “What’ve you been up to?”

“Nothing new with me. Still with the Santos and taking care of Cesar.”

You smiled at the mention of Cesar. “He and Monse seem to be quite close.”

He smirked and replied, “Yeah, too close.”

“Cut him some slack; you were the same way when you were his age.”

He broke out in a grin and chuckled. “Yeah, I remember those days.” He held your gaze as he pulled his lips inside his mouth and passed his tongue over them.

Your mind took you back to your youth when Oscar and you used to sneak and fool around in his dad’s car. Heat rose to your cheeks but you maintained your look of neutrality.

“You in town for a while?”

You shook your head simply and replied, “Just for a few more days.”

“Looks like the big city life has been good to you,” he said, staring at your clothes.

You scoffed and nodded. “It’s okay. Better than fighting to get stuff around here.”

“Yeah, it suits you. You meeting anyone here or just gonna take this huge table for yourself?”

“Y-yeah, meeting some of the girls from school. They should be here soon.” You didn’t mean to sound like he should leave, but from the shift in his eyes, you knew he took it that way.

“I should get going then. We should catch up,” he said, moving backwards and rising to his feet.

A part of you was disappointed that he was suddenly leaving but then out of the corner of your eyes, you spotted one of your friends heading into the café. You muttered, “Y-yeah, of course.”

“Well, you know where to find me.”

He turned his back to you and strolled out of the café, not looking back.

While your friends eventually gathered in the café and you all began catching up, your mind kept wandering back to Oscar. You hadn’t expected to see him that way. You found yourself wondering why he still stayed with the Santos and how he was handling raising Cesar in his teenage years. Above all, you were curious about what his personal/romantic life was like now.

While you strolled back to your house, you made a mental note to visit his house before you left.

#OMB #omb imagine #omb fanfiction #omb request #fanfiction #on my block #on my block imagine #on my block fanfiction #Oscar Diaz #oscar spooky diaz #oscar diaz x reader #spooky diaz #spooky diaz x reader #spooky x reader #julio macias #julio macias x reader

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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Ever Since We Met (Branjie) - branjie-mattel

Authors note: I’ve been living for lesbian Brooke Lynn and Vanjie and this is the first chapter of the story I came up with.

Summary: Brooke Lynn is a perfectionist relying on routine and precision. Vanessa starts working at the café down the street and Brooke Lynn is forever changed. A disruption in her routine.

Chapter One

Brooke Lynn was a person of routine and precision. She was a perfectionist. She was organized and put together. She knew her schedule from the back of her head and could probably tell you exactly what she would be doing 5 months from now on the spot. That being said, Brooke’s days pretty much looked the same every day. She would wake up at six thirty, feed the cats not five minutes later, she would take a shower for fifteen minutes, go to work and then come home again. Some weekends she would join her friends and go out, meeting new people, getting to know someone just for the night, breaking her everyday routine just a little, then get back to reality. She liked the control though, liked always knowing what her next move would be. She was a perfectionist.

It was a regular Tuesday and Brooke made her way to her usual Tuesday lunch spot, alone this day since Nina stood her up.

”I have to finish these papers honey, but you go by yourself and enjoy some Brooke Lynn alone time.”, she had told her.

Brooke wasn’t mad about it though, she really did enjoy her alone time. She had no problem doing things by herself. So she did as her friend told her and walked into on the small café just down the street from her office. She came in around twelve every Tuesday and was always greeted by the same loud voice and huge smile.

”Brooke Lynn! Time for some lunch?”, Silky, the owner of the café, shouted to her from across the room.

”You know it, Silky.”, she sat down by the table, phone in her hand to text Nina as she waited for one of the usual girls to come and take her order, all of them already knowing her favorite picks from the menu.

The café really was nothing special. It was a small space, the decor was old and mismatched. If someone just walked by the place on the street and looked inside they would probably not bother to go in. But the food was homemade, always served in huge portions. Silky made everyone feel welcome, treating everyone like she had known them for years. And on top of that, they always gave Brooke discounts, refills, extra sides or toppings to her meal for free. So Brooke had always enjoyed it. This actually might have been Brooke’s favorite lunch spot after all, she realized.

She heard footsteps towards her table but didn’t bring her eyes up from her phone just yet as she finished writing her text to Nina.

”Hi. I think I’ll have my regular salad today, and just my usual extra toppings, and the same coffee as always, please.”, Brooke said while putting her phone back in her pocket, still not looking up at the waitress, but expecting it to be either A’keria or Yvie, the ones that usually took her order and always stayed a little longer to chat with her.

But Brooke was wrong.

”What now?”

Brooke looked up at the sound of an unfamiliar, loud voice sounding like it belonged to a Disney sidekick, and met a face equally as confused as her own.

”Sorry, I thought you were Yvie or A’keria, uhm, they all know my usual order.”, she found explaining herself particularly hard when the other woman’s dark eyes looked at her without blinking, a smile appearing on her full lips.

”And what would your usual order be? I ain’t no mind reader, baby.”, the woman grinned, tapping her pencil against the paper in her hand.

Brooke’s jaw dropped at the last word. She was still looking at the woman and she was pretty sure she had never seen someone that beautiful in her whole fucking life. Her short figure was covered in a yellow dress with a white apron reaching down to her knees. It was the same dress that all of the people working at the café wore, it just seemed to suit this woman a lot better than anyone else, Brooke thought. Her dark hair was hanging in curls against her small back frame. A huge tattoo of a sphynx cat covered a bit of her chest and the dimple in her chin seemed to grow deeper by the second.

Brooke realized she was staring.

”Sorry, a number five salad with extra olives and cashews, and a coffee with milk.”, Brooke quickly looked down again but didn’t miss the amused smile growing bigger on the woman’s face as she wrote the order down.

”Sorry, and also a water, please.“

”Shit, you Canadian or something? You said sorry three times in like thirty seconds girl!”, the brunette laughed and Brooke looked up again.

To her own surprise, she couldn’t get a word out. She was usually the most confident person in the room, untouchable, always having a smart comeback. But the sight of those two piercing eyes somehow made her soft.

And unable to speak, apparently.

She was relieved when she heard Silky’s loud voice from across the room before Brooke could answer.

”Vanjie! Leave our favorite Canadian customer alone!”, she yelled.

The woman, Vanjie, Brooke guessed, left with a wink and laughed.

Brooke Lynn couldn’t finish her regular Tuesday meal that day. A disruption in her routine.

”Take care Mami.”, the woman had told her right before she left and it made Brooke’s mind spin so much to the point where she almost got ran over by a car as she crossed the street, being too distracted to pay attention to the traffic. What was going on with her today?

Brooke made sure everything went smoothly and according to her schedule for the rest of the day, although she did find herself distracted. She wasn’t able to focus and every task seemed to require a little more time than usual. And Nina seemed to notice all of it, but didn’t mention anything.

Friday came around quickly after that and Brooke found herself sitting at her desk at work as usual, impatiently staring at the clock.

”Okay, what’s the matter?”

Brooke turned her head around at the sound of Nina’s voice.

”Hm?”, Brooke answered half heartedly.

”You’ve been extra in your head these last three days, you seem distracted, I guess. Did something happen?”

Brooke loved Nina and how concerned she sounded at that moment. Brooke rolled her eyes. Because she knew she had been a little distracted lately because the only thing on her damn mind seemed to be a pair of dark eyes and brown curls framing a breathtakingly perfect face. That was it.

”Nothing’s wrong, I’m just hungry.”, she lied, biting her lip, ”Maybe we could go to Crunch down the street today?”

Nina raised her eyebrows.

”The Tuesday café? But we always go to Chipotle on Fridays?”

”I’m feeling spontaneous.”, Brooke shrugged.

”Since when is Brooke Lynn Hytes spontaneous?”, Nina looked as amused as she looked confused.

”I guess I’m full of surprises! Let’s go.”, Brooke said as she threw her bag over her shoulder, ignoring Nina’s suspicious glare.

”My two favorite office hoes!”, Silky shouted as soon they entered the café and Brooke laughed while making her way to their usual table.

Silky’s way of talking and big personality had been confusing and a little overwhelming to her at first when they started coming there, but Brooke had quickly learned to love that about her, the way she always seemed to shout and swear in the most loving way to all her costumers, like she had known them for years.

”Hi Silk, how are you?”, Nina smiled, giving other woman a hug before she sat down across from Brooke.

”It’s all good, boo boo, you know me, a bitch ain’t had a day off since-”

”-December 2011.”, Nina finished Silky’s sentence for her and the woman chuckled.

”That’s right. So what can I get you two today?”

”Could we have two of the cream cheese bagels, maybe? We haven’t had those in a while”, Nina started and looked at Brooke for approval.

”And coffee!”, she added as Silky wrote down their order.

”Coming right up!”

Nina started talking to Brooke about an upcoming meeting next week and Brooke knew it was important but she just couldn’t focus..

”Okay, what are you looking for?”, Nina said after a few minutes of trying to talk to her before giving up.

”What?”, Brooke answered, not even realizing her eyes had been roaming the room, probably from the second they walked in, searching for a short brunette with hypnotizing eyes.

”You look like a lost kid looking for their parents at the grocery store or something. Or a white woman looking for the Louis Vuitton sale.”

Brooke laughed.

”I don’t, I’m just thinking about that meeting next week that you were talking about, I have to write down some notes and make some calls.”, she lied.

Nina did not believe her one bit but only shot her a suspicious glare. Brooke was about to reassure her when she got interrupted by a loud voice next to them.

”Two cream cheese bagels and two coffees with milk for you ladies.”, the brunette, Vanjie, Brooke recalled, said as she placed their order on the table.

”You’re new!”, Nina noticed and looked up at the woman with her kindest smile and grabbed the brunette by her hand, ”I’m Nina. We’re regulars here, usually only on Tuesdays though but this one here decided to be a little spontaneous.”

Brooke stared Nina down, hearing the waitress laugh next to them.

”I’m Vanessa, but everyone calls me Vanjie.”, the brown eyed girl, Vanessa, shook Nina’s hand as she introduced herself before turning to Brooke who felt like her tongue were stuck in her throat and her lips glued shut.

”Brooke Lynn.”, she finally managed to say, trying her best not to shake as she took Vanessa’s hand.

What the fuck was going in with her?

”Brooke Lynn. Cute. Imma remember that one.”, Vanessa left with a wink, leaving Brooke with her jaw hanging open once again.

”Holy shit, now I see why you wanted to come here!”, Nina whispered but Brooke could hear the excitement in her voice, ”You have a crush!”

”Oh, shut up, Iv’e only seen her here once before.”

”Is this why you’ve been so distracted lately?”

”Shut up.”, Brooke hissed and started picking at her food.

Thirty minutes consisting of Nina teasing her and wiggling her eyebrows knowingly passed before Brooke noticed the sound of heels against the floor getting closer.

”Ya’ll done ladies?”

Brooke looked up at Vanessa, smiling shyly.

Since when did she start to act like a fucking teenage girl with a high school crush?

Snap out of it.

“Yes, thank you, it was delicious.”, Brooke answered, knowing Nina looked at her with that teasing, dorky grin on her face.

“Nothing but deliciousness at this place, honey.”, the shorter woman quickly replied with one of those winks she always seemed to give her and Brooke was caught off guard once again.

Nina couldn’t stop laughing.

That night, Brooke couldn’t sleep, the words baby, honey and Mami were ringing in her ears on repeat, making her head hurt. When she finally fell into a slumber at four in the morning, she dreamed about two dark eyes watching her, two soft hands around her waist and a pair of lips for her to kiss.

And as Brooke kept going out for lunch at the small café for the next two upcoming Tuesdays, watching Vanessa arrive with her food with a grin and leave her with a wink, the dreams only continued. Becoming more and more intense. Leaving Brooke more and more distracted.

“Why do I always let you drag me out to this place?”, Brooke laughed as she joined Nina and Shuga in an Uber on Saturday night that week.

“Because you need to let loose a little! You should put going out clubbing in your calendar every Saturday from now on.”, Shuga laughed, doing a little dance in her seat.

“There’s not gonna be nothing there I haven’t seen before.”, Brooke rolled her eyes.

She’d much rather be curled up on the couch with her cats watching some shitty reality show by now. Still though, going out with her two closest friends was good for her, she knew that.

“Stop being pressed about it! We’re gonna have a good time!”, Shuga said, looking at her phone.

Nina offered Brooke a knowing smile and nodded. She knew Brooke was more introverted than the other two and she didn’t really enjoy the club life.

But maybe going out, dancing and talking to strangers at the bar with too much tequila in her system was what Brooke needed, she could use a distraction from her other distraction.

Five shots of tequila and two hours later, Brooke was on the dance floor with Shuga and Nina twirling around her.

She felt like she did all this on routine too, though. There was a clear pattern every time she went out, even if she tried to let go. Two tequilas in and she’d hit the dance floor, then two more tequilas, usually given to her by strangers who wanted to take her home. Then a smoke break at her secret spot, then another shot. It was the same almost every time they went out.

Except this time it wasn’t.

Brooke was about to excuse herself to go for a smoke when she heard a loud laugh and a voice that she would probably recognize anywhere by now, despite only hearing once or twice a week for the last month or so.

The taller blonde turned around instantly, facing Vanessa standing on a table across the room. Dressed in a tight red vinyl dress and a drink in her hand.

Brooke felt dizzy.

Nina seemed to notice Brooke’s sudden reaction and looked over at the direction where Vanessa was dancing care free on the table with two other girls.

Brooke didn’t stop her own dancing as she watched Vanessa with Nina by her side.

She was unable to take her eyes off the short brunette and the way she was dancing like there was no others in the club. She swayed her hips, flipped her hair, smiled brightly towards her friends and then, suddenly, looking directly at Brooke.

Brooke was gonna faint.

Their eyes were locked as they both danced from their spots at the club, neither of them blinking. Brooke was full on staring until it became to much. She snapped back to reality and turned to Nina.

“I’m going for a smoke. I’ll be right back.”

She quickly made her way through the back door out to her usual smoke area by the containers. No one except the people working at the club really knew about this spot so she didn’t have to deal with other drunk smokers trying to talk to her or feel her.

She lit one cigarette, breathing it in like fresh air and then lit another one.

“Those things are so bad for you mama but you sure look hot as hell smoking them.”

The voice caught her off guard and she turned around quickly, facing Vanessa standing just inches from her.

“Did I scare you?”, she laughed after seeing the shocked expression on Brooke’s face.

“No! Or well, yes. There’s usually no one else out here.”

“No they all out smoking outside the front door, socializing, not standing here by the trash cans.”, Vanessa pointed out, an amused smile tugging at her lips.

“Thought you could use some company though.”

Vanessa took one step towards her and she was so close to Brooke that she could feel her breath on her face.

Brooke shivered.

“I saw you dancing out there.”, Vanessa said, not blinking.

“I saw you too.”

There was so much tension in the air now you probably couldn’t even cut through it. Brooke was paralyzed. Vanessa’s face was so close. If Brooke just tilted her head down a little she could kiss her. Press her up against the wall and kiss her until neither of them could breathe. She could do that.

But she didn’t.

Vanessa fluttered her lashes, her brown eyes staring into Brooke’s. Not making a sound.

“Brooke! Shuga lost her wallet you need to help us look- oh.”

They both jumped at the sound of the heavy door being slammed open.

Nina.

“Sorry, I though you were alone.”, Nina apologized but a grin quickly started growing on her face.

“No worries! I see y’all inside!”, Vanessa strutted inside again, her heals making a loud sound against the ground and Brooke groaned quietly.

“Sorry!”, Nina said again as Brook put her lighter back in her pocket.

“It’s fine. Let’s go look for the wallet.”

Nothing happened that night, but Brooke was changed. She barely slept that night either.

“Do you wanna go to Crunch today? I know it’s not Tuesday but-”, Nina asked her the following Monday and Brooke shot her a warning look before she finished her sentence.

”Yeah, because that wouldn’t be obvious at all.”

”Hey, they wouldn’t need to know why! I’m sure they would only be happy that we’re back so soon, Silky loves us!”, Nina said in defense and Brooke sighed, ”And Vanjie does too, apparently.”

Brooke ignored the last comment.

“I don’t know, I have a lot of work to finish so I’m probably just gonna stay here.”

Nina didn’t answer.

“Sorry for being a bitch, Nina.”

“You know I love you anyway.”, her friend answered with a kind smile and a wink as she left for lunch alone.

Brooke didn’t finish her work, though. She walked out of the building, stopped a little further down the sidewalk and smoked three cigarettes in a row. She could swear she saw see a small brunette in a yellow dress and an apron through the window at the café down the street.

Or it was all in her imagination.

Brooke was definitely hung up on this.

She kept tossing and turning in bed at night for the fourth week in a row, apparently having fucked her sleeping routine up completely because she was sure she hadn’t slept more than ten hours a week total this last month. The clock was around four thirty when she finally fell asleep, longing for her upcoming lunch break later that day.

“You coming?”, Brooke said the next day at twelve as she stood up and stretched, watching Nina work her fingers quickly over the keyboard.

“I think you should go by yourself.”, she answered, not looking up from her computer but a smile started growing on her face.

“What? Why?”

“You could use some Brooke Lynn alone time at Crunch again.”, she smirked and Brooke groaned.

“Fine. But if this is some sort of set up I will kick your ass, Nina!”, she said, not really sure of what she thought was going to happen.

Nina only laughed in response and Brooke made her way out of the building, quickly walking towards her regular Tuesday café, which lately meant a little more to her.

”Miss thing! Imma send Vanjie over to your table right away, boo!”, Silky said as soon as Brooke opened the door.

She didn’t even have the chance to answer before Silky walked away, so she took her spot at her usual table by the window and nervously tapped her nails against the wood.

“What can I get for you today, baby?”

Vanessa.

Brooke just stared at her, unable to answer the simple question because what was up with her casual use of all these nick names?

“Don’t look so shook, I’m just playing, it’s way too easy with you, Mami.”

And there it was again.

Vanessa winked and Brooke couldn’t help but to smile, feeling the blush spreading on her cheeks.

“Just the salad number 5 with-“

“- With extra olives and cashews, coming right up!”, Vanessa said before Brooke could finish her sentence and walked away with a grin.

She swayed her hips even more than usual as she walked into the kitchen and Brooke immediately looked out the window when she caught herself staring, again.

Brooke couldn’t wrap her head around what it was about the short, extroverted woman that made her head and nerves go crazy. Brooke didn’t feel like this. She never did. Not for anyone. She never let someone else have that impact on her. And Vanessa said herself she was only playing with her. But the ways their eyes locked when she said it made Brooke think there was more to it. There was a connection there, tension, even though they hadn’t really talked talked yet. They didn’t really know each other.

Not yet.

“Number five for the finest lady here!”, Vanessa arrived a few minutes later with her food and Brooke wondered how long she had been staring out the window for.

“Thank you, Vanessa.”, Brooke said, carefully watching the brunettes reaction to her use of her name.

She noticed the way Vanessa’s eye grew wider. It was definitely not just in her head. It couldn’t be.

“Of course.”, she said, not breaking the eye contact, “Silk, I’m taking my break!”

“You can’t do that now bitch!”, Silky yelled back.

“Watch me.”, was all Vanessa said, still staring at Brooke who couldn’t breathe.

“Turns our I’m on my break, care if I join you?”, she then said with a smug grin on her face.

“You crazy, thirsty ass bitch.”, they heard Silky mutter as she kept on sweeping the floor.

“Are you allowed to spend your breaks out here watching the customers eat?”, Brooke teased, feeling a little more daring all of a sudden.

“Only if they hella cute.”, Vanessa shot back immediately.

This was a game.

“So olives and cashews, huh?”, she started and nodded towards Brooke’s plate.

“What about it?”

“That’s something y’all love in Canada?”

Brooke laughed softly.

“Not really, not that I know of at least. I haven’t been there in a few years though so I could be wrong.”

Vanessa smiled, tilting her head a little as she watched Brooke and it melted her heart.

“When did you move from Canada to LA?”, she asked.

“Ten years ago. I was a dancer back then, so I moved here for more work opportunities.”

“So you a dancer huh? I could tell, Mami.”, Vanessa said calmly and Brooke felt the food getting stuck in her throat.

”I was.”

Vanessa raised her eyebrows.

“What about you?”, Brooke changed the subject

“Am I a dancer?”

“No when did you come to LA? Or are you from here? Because your accent doesn’t sound-“, Brooke started rambling and was cut off by Vanessa’s laugh.

“I’m from Tampa. Well, Puerto Rico originally. Moved here five years ago. And yes I am a dancer too, if you haven’t figured that out already.”, she said, playing with a piece of curly hair between her fingers.

“No I definitely figured that one out.”, Brooke said without even realizing it and she could have sworn she saw the woman’s eyes turn darker at her words. Brooke’s heart was pounding so loud she was pretty sure it could be heard from across the street.

She listened to Vanessa talk about her background, telling cute little stories and Brooke thought to herself that she could do this forever. Listening to Vanessa, getting an insight in her life, telling her about herself, actually getting to know her, finally.

And it turned out that talking about Tampa, Canada and dancing made the time fly. One hour went by fast and Brooke didn’t even realize it until silky started yelling that Vanessa’s break was over ten minutes ago and by that time Brooke realized she was late back to work herself.

“Shit, uhm, can I pay right away? I have to get back to the office or Nina’s gonna kill me.”, she said as she fumbled with her money, “-keep the change.”

“One second babe Imma get your receipt.”

Brooke was about to say that she didn’t need it and that she really was in a hurry but Vanessa was on her feet within seconds.

Brooke looked at the clock again.

“There you go Miss Brooke Lynn. Hope I’ll see you next Tuesday if you don’t feel spontaneous enough to come by earlier.”, Vanessa winked and placed the receipt in the blondes hand, her fingers lingering.

Brooke shivered and she was completely sure that Vanessa noticed.

“Bye Vanjie.”

“Bye Brooke.”

Brooke ran back to the office, excusing herself a million times for being late when she almost slammed the door open in Nina’s face.

But Nina only grinned towards her, wiggling her eyebrows.

“What?”, asked Brooke.

“How was Vanjie?”, Nina said teasingly.

“Oh come on, it’s not like that.”

“Whatever you say, Brooke Lynn.”

“Let’s just get back to working.”, Brooke had the last word but Nina didn’t stop glancing at her with an amused expression on her face.

“You might want to check that receipt of yours, by the way.”, Nina said after ten minutes of working in silence, and nodded towards the paper Brooke had thrown on her desk.

Brooke looked at her, confused, before she realized what Nina meant.

In the left corner of the receipt there was a phone number written, followed by a heart and “xoxo Vanjie”.

Brooke couldn’t swallow or blink, Nina noticed and started laughing again.

“This is so fucking high school, I’m living for it.”

“Shit.”, was the only thing Brooke managed to say.

She was definitely deeper into this than she first thought.

Vanessa appeared in her dreams that night too when Brooke finally fell asleep after hours of debating on wether or not she should text the woman.

She didn’t.

Not yet.

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #vanessa vanjie mateo #brooke lynn hytes #lesbian au #ever since we met #branjie mattel

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sillysnack · 6 months

Text

is the crowd up for merayumesai friendship...>:3c...

chiyo also always frequents the café chisato works at, almost around the same time kusuo does but at different days

chisato mentions that fact to chiyo and she's like "Omg...Okay!! im going to try and sit with him"

^ chiyo sits Far far away from kusuo

^ chisato cannot stop laughing at chiyo. she says this to kusuo instead so now kusuo goes to sit with chiyo

^ awkward silence... KIDDING chiyo starts rambling to fill in the silence and kusuo is INVESTED!!!!

chiyo calls mera to sit with them and they are TALKING!!! Planning to go out together!!!!

kusuo cannot object to this. it's not like he doesn't want to, either. chiyo and chisato know all the best and cutest cafés in the area. unsurprisingly, chisato has an employee discount on all of them.

chiyo and kusuo tend to visit chisato's house unexpectedly. yknow how nendou likes to randomly take kusuo to hang out with him. yeah. thats how chiyo and kusuo are with chisato.

omg also. chisato's siblings LOVE chiyo and Dislike kusuo. annoys him so much because he's always just assume he's good with kids (Only evidence: yuuta iridatsu).

^ chisato and chiyo love teasing kusuo about that fact. although, chisato does her best to convince her siblings that big brother ku isn't so scary!!!!

their gc is like. always kusuo and chisato convincing chiyo to not buy something

chiyo: [photo] Im crying this is so cute☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢❤️❤️❤️❤️ should i buy it (there is a correct answer 😊)

chisato: NO

kusuo: 👎

chiyo: GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED (I bought ones for you too btw so we all match >:] )

chisato: ily

kusuo: ?

chiyo works part time for a while at a maid cafe with chisato and kusuo always visits to just check in on them

^ also. he wants to see how crazy his requests can get with chiyo. just to spite her. he and chisato think she's like a chihuahua.

^ kusuo's stupid requests with chiyo goes on for a week and a half until she quit

chiyo gives chisato makeup tips and likes to test out different hairdos with her hair!

one time chiyo convinced chisato to let her dye the tips of her hair. it looked good!!!@

chiyo and chisato have also tried looking for places to buy glasses like kusuo's. they failed. kusuo didn't have the guts to tell them they were toy glasses.

group studies at café mami!!!!!! they do it after closing on Thursdays.. they're all close with the manager :3

okay thats all! i think

#cloud talks a lot #saiki kusuo #mera chisato #yumehara chiyo #chiyo yumehara #chisato mera #kusuo saiki #saiki k #saiki kusuo no psi nan #saiki kusuo no ψ nan #tdlosk #the disaster of psi kusuo saiki

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asidian · 5 years

Text

Mind whispers

January 15, 2038

“You got it, captain,” says Jacob. “All over it.”

He’s moving before all the words have even left his mouth, wheeling away from the pulsing invader high above him in the air, its massive form blotting out half the sky. He sets into the harbingers instead, as ordered – comes at the creatures like a force of nature, movement without thought, an endless blur of slashing blades and glinting metal.

They go down in pairs, in trios, in a whole half-dozen when they think to take him out in a wave and he spins, drawing a wide arc with his blades that sends them twitching to the pavement far below.

He’s hard at work on his orders, jetting up higher to cut off a thick knot of roiling monstrosity moving to intercept the rest of the team, when the thought strikes him.

It should have been you.

It’s out of nowhere, really. Like someone else’s thought – only it’s not. It’s his, one of the ones that come in the night sometimes, when there’s nothing to distract him but the ceiling tiles and his own traitor mind won’t shut up.

The thought’s so sudden he pauses mid-stroke, a stutter in the middle of constant motion. And he would have recovered in time – really, he would have – except the world bursts red and hot and immediate right beside him just then.

It’s Eidolon, finally, sniping from cover. And he should have been expecting it, should have known he wouldn’t see it coming, but that runaway thought snuck in, and between the two, he’s almost not fast enough.

Jacob twists at just the right moment, so the harbinger’s claw catches him on the shoulder instead of across the chest.

The blow’s enough to knock him flying anyway. Hurricane’s a lot of things, but his suit just doesn’t have Nemesis’ bulk or shields. His upgrades are all about speed and agility and precision, and some good that does him right now.

He hits a wall, careens off a stop sign, and goes down hard on the pavement of what was probably an outdoor café before the sky started leaking things out of a Lovecraft novel.

Third time’s the charm, Jakey. But I guess we’re on four now, right?

Christ, he thinks, and shoves himself back up. Are we really doing this now? Right now? Like, in the middle of a pitched battle, in the middle of an alien invasion, and here’s Jacob, dragging out can’t-get-to-sleep nightmare fuel?

His lip’s bleeding. He thinks he bit straight through it, when he hit his head on the landing. But he’s on his feet again, and then he’s off the ground, and that’s – better. That’s better.

Is it really? You could just stay down.

“I’m up, guys,” he says into the comms. “No big.”

Then he bites into the split lip, hard, and takes off again to jump back onto the interference train.

Like hell he’s staying down. Like hell he’s scrapping this suit, and all the hours of training they poured into this, and his ma’s long nights at the kitchen table staring at schematics trying to get Tennō back up off the ground. His HUD’s showing Hurricane’s got a scrape down one shoulder and a dent in the back, minor aesthetic damage, but that’s nothing. That’s nothing.

He’s all over the harbingers now, like some kind of avenging god. Like the plagues of Egypt, raining down locusts or something.

Jacob twists, and slips sideways, and buries a blade right between one of the creature’s eyes, and he thinks: locusts aren’t the right plague for this. Since when do aliens care about bugs?

What the hell are the other plagues, again? Flies? That’s more bugs. Maybe he’d better stick with the river of blood one.

Nothing’s been better for a long time, has it?

River of blood, he thinks, determinedly, and slices down one, two, three, four, all before he takes the time to blink. Blood, and maybe that storm. What was it, hail and fire?

He’s definitely not thinking about alien monstrosities that play games with people’s minds. He’s just not. He’s thinking about flame and ice, and the way Hurricane cuts through claws and wings and rotting flesh like they were thin-spun silk. He’s thinking about that bunker down there, the one he’s not going to let the harbingers touch, and his teammates, halfway to the invader in the sky.

He’s supposed to be a distraction right now.

Well. Jacob can do distractions.

He’s good at them.

He’s not the only one, it sounds like. “Blondie, you’re on baby duty,” says Xia’s voice over the comms, and Jacob smiles, the shape of it pulling at the tear in his lip. That sounds like the intro to one of Xia’s showier moves, if he’s ever heard one.

“Baby duty, huh?” He drives one of his blades into an alien stomach, then shakes the thing off when it gets lodged for a second, still flailing. “Don't worry, dude, I won't let the kids eat candy after midnight.”

He half-turns in midair, elbows a creature that’s mostly eyes in the face with solid titanium, and angles himself so that he can watch the show while he plays exterminator. The harbingers are down to the dregs, and he wants a look at whatever Xia’s planning on pulling out of her hat.

What he’s not expecting is to see Nemesis go barreling fists first into a pulsing mass of space monstrosity that's bigger than some skyscrapers.

“Holy shit,” he manages, eloquently, and barely remembers to get his blade up in time to cut the wings off the next harbinger in line.

He waits for the grand re-exit. Any second now, a grenade’s going to punch a wet, black hole in that thing’s side.

Any second now.

Should have stayed down when you had the chance. Now you’ve got to watch this play out.

A second stretches into two, then into ten. “Nemesis?” Jacob says into the comm. “Hey – Xia?”

But still there’s nothing, and Jacob taps at the controls on his wrist. He zeroes in on the invader up above, watches as his HUD calculates the distance. It’s far, but he can make it. Hurricane’s all about speed. Screw watching it play out. If he really guns it, he can be there in –

His thoughts are split neatly in two by the thin line of light that breaks across the sky, toward their medic.

Jacob’s eyes narrow; he whips back around in time to catch one final glimpse of a suit in grey and black, just before it shimmers out of view and disappears.

Well hell. There's what's left of Chroma.

And now she’s gunning for you. Way to go, Jakey.

Over the comms, Ari’s sounding borderline hysterical. "I know it’s a lot to ask," he says. "but please. Please. It's not her. Just don’t kill her!"

It's a big ask. Half of Chroma's dead, at the end of Black Whisper's sniper rifle. HQ's been briefing them over the comms since they deployed: she's armed and extremely dangerous, and if the last half hour's any indication, she won't hesitate to end everyone on the field.

Jacob's talked to her a couple times before. She's a sweet girl.

“Hey,” Jacob calls into the comms, switching to team-only. “Don’t worry. I got Whisper. Can someone go fishing and pull Nemesis out?”

It’s not what he wants to say. Not what he wants to do.

He oughta be rocketing across the sky, on his way to cut Xia free. But Aisha’s right next to her; she’ll have it covered. And if he takes off now, Will’s stuck on ground level, alone with Chroma's rogue sniper. Probably not the best call – Xia left him on baby duty, after all.

So Jacob taps his wrist again, toggling targets, then pulls a U-turn to jet back toward earth. He needs to get a read on Mami before she does something they’ll all regret.

There’s one really easy way to slow her down.

Jacob shoves that thought away so hard it almost gives him whiplash, wrenching his mind back on-task. His HUD’s flashing at him – target: none – and he wonders why the engineers who worked on Whisper’s cloaking tech made it effective against other Tennō suits. That’s about to make his job a lot harder.

The last thing he wants is a long-distance fight. Mami’s a crack shot, and there’s a reason Jacob likes to get up close and personal. He came up last in target practice during training every time, but put him in hand-to-hand range and he can wipe the floor with just about anything.

So. He’s got to find her, then lock on before she gets her cloaking back up, then get in close enough to pin her on his own terms. Ideally before she puts a laser through anyone on Team Phoenix.

He’s just thinking that he’s got his work cut out for him when the second shot zips up through the space between buildings like a dud firework, a straight line of brightness without any of the showy payoff. Hurricane’s off like rocket, low to the ground, darting through the streets between buildings with breakneck speed.

#the way the world ends #my ocs #jacob cross #Xia Igarashi

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no-psi-nan · 2 years

Text

Top Saiki K DILFs Ranked

Mr. Matsuzaki

Ike-san

The Café Mami manager

The magician from the Akechi episode

Mr. Kuboyasu

The BKB guy

Mr. Nen–

Ok no I can't do this even for the laffs hsfjdlshfks

#nopsi's dilfposting dtuesdays #<- this is NOT happening LMAO #if you have to reach for Matsuzaki as top DILF you need more dads in your anime lmfaoooo #posts that make desta bust out a sniper rifle #THIS IS A JOAK........#nopsi's milfposting mondays

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takerfoxx · 2 years

Text

Jurassic Park 4: Doki Idol Live Festival! (Part 2)

magic5ball submitted:

At first I wasn't sure if I should show this to you, but considering some of the content, I figured you'd want to see this.

For maximum enjoyment, imagine this being narrated by Calliope Mori.

. . .

Chapter 2: This Chapter was Brought to you by Arby’s: We Have the Meats!

The next day, after Mami had left for her exhilarating job at the potato factory, F-Bomb took Lil’ Nagisa to school. School was their kitchen table, because he knew his glorious child would be eaten alive by the brutal Hoikkaido education system. Literally. Cannibalism was a serious problem at Buttanal Elementary, the only school/college in the prefecture.

F-Bomb boldly set his daughter down in her favorite chair: the one made of cheddar cheese that was starting to mold.

“Alright, kiddo, today we’re gonna learn about lying. If anybody asks who Daddy is, my name is Vincent Cannoli, I’m 24 years old, and I eat more Nazis in a single day than the entire state of Israel has in its’ miserable existence. Anyway, I’ve gotta get to work, where nothing that could kill me is happening. Byyyyyeeeeeeee!!!”

F-Bomb sauntered outside wearing red velvet high heels, so nobody would recognize him, but not before giving Lil’ Nagisa a half-eaten potato and a bottle of his used phlegm to play with while he was out.

Looking at her playthings, the little body pillow knew she would follow in her Father’s footsteps and become a Satanist.

Making his way downtown, walking fast, faces passing as he was workbound, F-Bomb pulled out his pistol-tongue, which was also a cell phone.

“Hey Karen? I need your help with something. Long story short, just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”

. . .

Following their partner’s letter, A-Hole and D-Bag were sitting at MILF Tiddies, fondling their deep fried hot dogs in a platonic, heterosexual fashion. It was a good thing they were wearing their fake mustaches, otherwise the waitresses would have thought that was weird. Weird they were fondling deep fried hot dogs when they could have been fondling roast beef sandwiches at Arby’s: We have the meats!

“I don’t get it, D-Bag. Why they call this place MILF Tiddies when there’s no MILFs an’ no tiddies?” googled A-Hole, who did not know what either of those words meant six hours ago.

“Call this a precognition, Boss, but I think it’s a ‘lure’ sorta thing. Draw the crowd in with sex, then keep them with the real quality goods. Like that band, Barenaked Ladies.”

“Firstly, youse using that word wrong. A ‘precognition’ is a high class prostitute. I read it in the Urban Dictionary.” He made sure to say this loud enough for the whole café to hear. All three customers.

“Second, what kinda crapsack establishment LIES like that?! Next you’ll tell me they pay these floozies livable wages and give them socialized medical care on the way out! This place is HELL, D-Bag, HELL I-“

A-Hole was cut short by a certain velociraptor in a maid outfit clicking the hammer on his mouth-pistol. This was probably the second most heroic act in the history of the universe.

Then F-Bomb made a fart noise by putting his hand under his armpit and jerking it back and forth. This was velociraptor for ‘Shut up hookers and meet me in the break room.’

. . .

Inside the breakroom was a tall pink haired chick standing in front of a chalkboard. That way, people knew she was cool and smart. She was also wearing a giant inflatable T-Rex costume, because F-Bomb gave it as a Christmas present.

And she didn’t like letting her star employee down.

“What up, deadbeats?” She roared as the trio sauntered in.

F-Bomb squawked “Alright hookers, here’s the deal! This fine specimen of Tyrannosaurus kickassicus standing before us is Karen Demondice, my boss and the manager of this whole operation!”

Karen Demondice was 24 years old, a professional rap artist, music video director, animator, video game enthusiast, and in a homosexual relationship with a piece of fried chicken. But she lost her virginity at Arby’s. Which has the meats.

“We go way back, and like me, she has survived the DILF. Now, I know what you hookers are thinking: ‘Oh, that F-Bomb! He’s being such a little weiner schnitzel! It’s just some stupid idol competition! What could possibly be so bad about that?! There’s no way this could result in long, sleepless nights staring at the ceiling, flashing back to the day you saw one of your closest friends desecrated corpses by the side of the road, legs ripped clean off, ravens pecking out her eyes as SWEET MOE ANIME JESUS IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN! GOD DANG YOU NICO!!!!! GOD DANG YOU STRAIGHT TO THE DEEPEST PITS OF ANIME HELL!!!!!!”

This showed he had not been scarred or meaningfully affected by the DILF in any way shape or form.

A-Hole and D-Bag didn’t care. They were thinking Arby’s. Because they have the meats.

“F-Bomb’s right,” interjected Karen, activating a television. “If you look here, you can see last year’s winner, Baby Metal. Their lead singer, Rick Sanchez, had to eat his fellow idols to win the final round.”

A-Hole and D-Bag grinned like mammals. That sounded awesome as f*ck!

“Why’s that bad?” A-Hole queried “Wes eats da humans alla da time.”

“I think its’ different when they do it, Boss, like, ah, social taboo, or somethin’.”

“And that’s why they’re all NERDS who are GAY!” Realized A-Hole, who was very skilled at connecting the dots.

“Exactly!” Said Karen, who believed in the power of positive reinforcement, lest she be eaten by dinosaurs.

F-Bomb clicked his pistol-tongue again. “Don’t you get it, you idiots?! You don’t f*ck the DILF, the DILF f*cks you!”

Which was fine with A-Hole and D-Bag, who were always down for a quickie, but not so much F-Bomb, who preferred to take things slow and steady before commitment to a partner. A partner like Arby’s. Which has the meats. And, if rumors are to be believed, roast beef sandwiches.

“SECOND!” continued F-Bomb “Would you guys mind explaining this little thing I found on Youtube?!”

A-Hole pulled a laptop out of his A$$. Literally. That’s where dinosaurs store things when they’re too swanky for pockets. He’d also kept it open, because power saving mode is for pussies.

The video had 97 views on YouTube. A great many number. You might even say it had multiple digits. But I can’t dignify it with a description, especially when I could be describing Arby’s, which has the meats.

Boy could I go off on that.

In the time it took me to mention Arby’s (which has the meats), A-Hole had ripped out the laptop’s insides as if it was a feral goat.

“You like? Weze calling ourselves ‘Frankie Valli and the Four Seasonz!’” A-Hole boasted like he’d just named his fourth child.

“YOU CAN’T DO THAT!” F-Bomb eviscerated.

“No, it’s okay! We added a ‘z’ to the end. That way we don’t break the law AND gets the brand recognition! I checked with my best friend, Donald Trump! He’s a genius! Absolutely terrific! Like ‘The Art of the Deal’! Greatest book I ever picked up! Absolutely incredible!”

“No, you floozie! Its because Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons was the name of MY old crew!”

Karen patted his back. Telepathically. The tragic backstory exposition dump could wait for another time.

“ANYWAY,” roared F-Bomb “If we want to hit the big time, we’re gonna need good lyrics. And NO, A-Hole, none of the chuckleheads in the crowd what to hear about you banging Abe Lincoln!”

“Okay, this is gonna sound crazy, but what if we sing about banging Abe Lincoln… consensually?”

Karen interjected “Too late, deadbeats. The banging U.S. presidents consensually fad ended four months ago. JPOP has moved on.”

A-Hole scratched his forehead hard enough to draw blood. Not even the Trumpster’s wildest ramblings had prepared him for this!

“What we need right now is a lyricist, and fortunately, my manager/ former fellow idol Karen here knows just the guy!”

Karen flickered the T.V. to life with her tiny inflatable dinosaur claws. Claws that would have been more useful if she’d gotten them from Arby’s, which has the meats.

The T.V. showed a wrinkly old human wearing tacky Hawaiian shirts.

“Floozies, meet Jimmy Buffett. Probably the single greatest lyricist in the history of music. If anybody could nab us a hit, its’ him!”

“He’s written every hit JPOP song for the past eighty years, AND the lyrics to all my raps.” Added Karen. “Dude was spitting out hits in the WOMB.”

“There’s just one teeny, tiny probelino-“

“He’s doing time in Guantanamo.” Mansplained A-Hole. “Poor idiot parked in the ‘TRUMPS ONLY’ section of Arby’s, which has the meats. I know this, Karen, because my best friend, Donald Trump, wrote about it in his book, ‘The Art of the Deal’. Absolutely terrific piece of literature by the way. Single page gets all the sh!t right off you’re a$$.” He said the last part in a way that implied Karen did, in fact, have a lot of sh!t on her a$$. Which she did, because inflatable dinosaur suits make good portable latrines.

“So here’s the game plan!” Squalled F-Bomb in a most manly fashion, “We Storm Guantanamo! We spring the prisoners! We eat the hookers! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!”

“SIR YES SIR!” Saluted A-Hole, who liked being the passive one in the relationship, platonic or otherwise.

“Not to be that dinosaur, but hows we gonna do that?” Queried D-Bag, who was absolutely being that dinosaur and knew it.

Instead of actually giving him an answer, Karen pulled a McGuffin out of her a$$ and tossed to A-Hole.

“My wife got this magic beanie on ebay, It has the power to summon and control the parrtoheads, who are Jimmy Buffett’s ten most devoted fanboys. The instructions should be inside it.”

F-Bomb put the beanie on his head, and reading the instructions, spun around three times singing

“Deja deja deja du! Believe it and it will come true! Deja deja deja nay! If you siing this song you are GAY?! I didn’t sign up for this!”

But it was too late. Jimmy Buffet’s ten most devout followers had apparationed into the room. Their names were Flandre Scarlet, Gollum, Dinobot, Mewtwo, David, That Chick from Skyrim, Scrooge McDuck, Dream of the Endless, Ironmouse, and Boeing 747. That sounds awesome as f*ck, but they were really just thirtysomething white dudes who had legally changed their names to look good on their resumes. Their resumes for Arby’s, which has the meats. The two exceptions were Ironmouse, who was Puerto Rican, and Boeing 747, who was a plane.

They prostrated themselves before F-Bomb. Yes, even the f*cking plane.

“O Master of the hat!” They cried “What do you wish of us?!”

F-Bomb cracked his neck and grinned like only a dinosaur can.

“Buckle up hookers! We’re flying to Guantanamo!”

Everyone climbed into Boeing 747’s anus.

Except Arby's. We have-

realized just what the hell we're getting into and pulled our sponsorship.

I present this early 2010's-styled crackfic I have been given without commentary, criticism, or judgment, in hopes you too might also join me in staring silently at your computer screens, followed by an equal period spent staring silently at the wall, head empty save for the single lingering question of "Why?"

#submission

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