#But like I appreciate it tho cuz life kinda shit rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rrxnjun · 1 year

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tbh i love when people tell me their fav artists/music cuz i feel like i just learn a lot about them or like get to know what they are like. and also i just love it when people say/throw in something that i wouldn't expect them to say it's just so fun!!! AND YES TOTALLY AGREE WITH IR TAKE UR MUSIC SHOULD MAKE U HAPPY!!! ahh i love jack manifold he is actually one of the coolest and funniest people out there his streams are just🤌 (okay cool might be a reach but.. /j)

idk my friend says she just skips a lot of parts from episodes with the ones she doesn't like but even if i like or obsess over a show i just can't get my self to finish it (me with the owl house rn;-;) so that method (?) just doesn't help me out😭😭 yeahhh i looked up what it was actually about after i sent the ask cuz i was curious and i didn't really remember hearing about the movie and then i kinda regretted the way i phrased my question🥲but i'm glad it wasn't that bad of a movie!! IM SO HAPPY U KNOW THEM!!! TRUE R5 STAN ISTG😌😌 red velvet is just such a great song i was so obsessed with ittttt but their music just slaps in general

ooo dammnnn slovak drama:oo but i might look up a translation for the song then cuz now im curious:o (and also thank u still for telling me about this song i vibed so hard to it while writing my essays) i feel like slovak arists like them have to be outthere somewhere they might just not be that well know or something but if there actually isn't at all i hope there will be soon!!!!!

YEAH IM SO SAD ABOUT IT☹️but i think it might be better cuz i just have too much school work rn to just go on a trip☹️☹️☹️ PRETTY BUILDINGS ARE THE BEST THERE IS SO MANY OF THEM IN BUDAPEST AND I TAKE A PIC RVERYTIME I SEE A PRETTY ONE ITS THE BEST EVER ITS NOT A WEIRD OBSESSION!!!! and i really hope i will be able to visit the city another time☹️☹️☹️

it won't really be easier until like the end of june so i just hope i survive;-; but thank u though 💞💓💕 and i hope u have a nice and lovely day as well!!!🥳💖💘

(also i saw that tell me who u ship me with post and i just want to say like many other people did that u and haechan would just be very powerful🫢🫢hoping for ur baekhyun concert date with him🫡) (liebestraum anon💕💓)

EXACTLY!!! music taste says so much about a person. and wild unexpected music tastes are so fun like i have a friend that listened to exclusively heavy metal but then played lucifer by shinee on aux and i was like um....what in the- also jack manifold is so dear to me i dont watch his streams but his existence in other ppls videos is always so comedic i love him

WHY WOULD U SKIP PARTS IN EPISODES WHATS EVEN THE POINT OF WATCHING THEN??? thats the same as forcing yourself to watching something 😭😭 if i hate something i just stop bc life is too short yknow what i mean. AND ITS OK u dont have to know abt it djdjdj but i get your concern 😶

AAA if u really want the translation i can translate for u 🥳 i think i looked up the translation for a friend before and wasnt pleased w it bc it didnt really fit the energy so im just gonna do it myself to give the lyrics justice AHAHA if youre interested ofc! glad it helped w essays 😌😌 i physically cant listen to music when writing essays bc then i cant focus so i applaud you HAHA and you are right there must be artists like that here but idk them:((( im gonna try looking for some to appreciate my home country more

I WANNA GO TO BUDAPEST I WAS TALKING ABT THIS W MY FRIEND THE OTHER DAY WHEN WE WERE MAKING PLANS FOR THE SUMMER‼‼ i said i wanna take a train there and just look around and shit she didnt seem convinced but im gonna do it anyway so feel free to be my tour guide we should meet up actually

awh i hope june comes fast for u!! i am chilling rn ((even tho i have 6 essays to write until the end of april) but then i have exams may-jun so i get the stress😩😩 im rooting for u mwah!!

IM SCREAMING. CRYNG. EVERYONE SHOULD STOP TELLING ME THEY SHIP ME W HYUCK BECAUSE I SIMPLY CANNOY DEAL. me @ hyuck: baekhyun concert date when?? or we can just make out in your room and listen to the bambi album instead i dont mind either-

#💌ask #liebestraum anon

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koishua · 2 years

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i’m cute? you’re cute! 💖💖

i’m also sorry for responding to this so late AKSNSH but school kicked my ass today,, had a long day of school + a shit ton of hw :’) i’m responding to this right before i go to bed though HAHA

i feel like getting to be more familiar is really just spending more time with e/o ig? so hopefully as more time passes, things would get better. tbh i don’t think they don’t respect my efforts HAHA honestly they all seem pretty chill, they’re just … really quiet ^_^ but yeah with things like this i think it’s a two-way street too, i can def try to be less in leader mode and more relaxed and casual w them! but it takes time yeah and i think it’ll get better when we get to know e/o better :]]

it is nice having familiar faces arnd! i’m a lot more comfy w them and we’ve also gotten closer ^_^ it rlly isn’t possible being close friends w so many ppl but i mean,, my mom alw tells me that you only need one or two close friends in your life and that’d suffice!

ooo what’s A Thousand Splendid Suns about? i haven’t been reading much outside of tumblr recently bc of sch :’) hopefully i can start a book soon tho! i’ve heard of Howl’s Moving Castle! unfortunately, i’ve never had the chance to watch it tho,, but i think one of my bucket list items is to watch all Studio Ghibli movies at least once! the art style is so pleasing i feel like i’d have a great time just appreciating the art! i’ve only watched spirited away from Studio Ghibli but i loved it a lot!!

for me,, i’d say my blanket HAHA it’s just like a security blanket (oops pun unintended) for me it’s so warm and cozy inside i just like to snuggle in it! actly i’m typing this ask while tucked into my blanket so i’m feeling so so comfy rn! 🥺 but i’m sorry if this ask doesn’t make sense i’m kinda sorta sleep deprived rn so i need to go to sleep SJDH sooo gn! (even tho we aren’t in the same time zone i think)

- school anon

(yes i’m fine being tagged as school anon … for now! it’s not a very,, pleasant name — cuz ew sch — but i don’t have any brain juice to think of a better anon name rn so i’ll just lyk when i’ve decided if i want to change my anon name/what i want to change it to!)

*insert infinite uno reverse card meme* ur cute times infinity plus one 🙁

im so sorry to hear that school has been treating you like this :(( things are difficult these days, so i hope they'll have some mercy on you guys and at least lighten things up a little bit there ://

ah so they're more low tension ppl, i get it heh :') how longs has it been with them anyways?? so yeah take it easy, love <3 and your mom's super correct too!! i always heard that you only need one true friend who'll stay with you when the other hundred turn against you haha it's kinda like a proverb so it doesn't really make as much sense in english but oh well you get my point. a handful good friends are enough 👌

the book im reading about narrates the life of a few afghan girls in the years 1960/70(ish)-present time and it's kind of triggering in some aspects, so definitely be a bit cautious if you ever decide to read it! i have a few issues with the book bc of how it portrays islam and muslim men and women and stuff (things that really do happen but my issue is just the fact that some people who read it might not get the diff between a culture and the religion they additionally practice and whatever but that's a story for another time!) just thought i should give it a read bc it's a literature classic (i guess, at least) there are so many beautiful quotes that i adore though :( im halfway through so i am not done yet heh

ah you've heard it okay!! omg spirited away is my absolute favourite studio ghibli movie ☹️‼️i have always watched it to comfort myself ever since i was a kid haha kind of nice too bc me and the movie were born in the same year!! can't say i have watched every single studio ghibli movie but everything i have watched just make me feel so complete and fuzzy an cozy inside :')

aww that's so sweet :( i can imagine the safety it brings haha have a cozy cozy warm little sleep then and make sure to try to catch enough hours of resting time‼️‼️us school kids gotta at least try to gather energy for the next day of battle smh

(do tell me when you need a name change bc yes ew skewl 🤢🤢)

#school anon

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taikanyohou · 4 years

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FAIZA I'M SCREAMING THEY HAVE THE BOOKS!!

- BIS! BRIGHTS STORY OMG HOW R U FEELING!? IM SCREAMING

- THE BOOK!

- FANBOOK BRIGHT IG OMGMGGJNGJGJAAJSAKDJSKF!!!!!!

- Faiza! Please check Bright's latest ig story!!

- FAIZA! BRIGHT POSTED ON HIS STORY! I collapsed seeing ur book on his story, u really did that queeen 💅🏽

- JAJSJDHFGH OMG FAIZA THEY GOT THE BOOKS

- Holy shit faiza! Check Instagram ASAP! Bright got the book. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

- FAIZA IM SCREAMIND I JUST SAW BRIGHTS IG STORY AND DJSNSKSNS

- Fcfykjwwejbfrh QUEEN! check Bright story

- FAIZA! BRIGHT POSTED THE BOOK!

- Hiiiii bright just posted a picture of the book you made!!!

- AHHHHHH FAIZA I JUST SAW BRIGHT’S INSTA STORY!! He got the bookkkkkkk❤️❤️(I hope I’m correct that it is the book)!! I’m so happy for you all and thank you for all the hard work you and everyone else put on this project!! Bright and win deserve all the love

- FAIZA BRIGHT JUST POSTED THE BOOK ON HIS STORY THEY GOT THE THINGS

- OMG! Faiza! Bright got the fanbook! I didn't even contribute to it yet it made me so glad to see that he received it! So happy for you and every one who put a bit of their heart into that book.

- FAIZA !!!! THE BOOKS !!! I saw Bright’s story and camr running!!!! Is this what you were being cryptic about tho 👀 ONG IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!

- FAIZAAAAA!!!! go check Bright's instagram stories RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! 😭

- IM SURE YOU'LL GET A MILLION MESSAGES FOR THIS BUT BRIGHT POSTED A STORY WITH THE FANBOOK 😭😭♥️

- BRIGHT HAS THE BOOK! WIN PROBABLY DOES TOO! THEY RECEIVED THE LOVE 🥺

- Faiza I don't know if you've seen yet but I think Bright got the fanbook! He put something in his Insa stories about an hour ago.

- omg the book is in his ig story! 🤍

- it looks like brightwin got your books! they look lovely, thank you and best wishes to u!

- Hi faiza did u happen to see bright’s latest insta story👀👀👀 because I think u should!!

- omg it happened

- FAIZA, THEY GOT YOUR BOOKS!!!!

- FAIZA THEY GOT THE BOOKS !!!!

- MISS FAIZA THEY GOT THE BOOKS -1ovebound

- OMG FAIZAAAAAA!!! THEY GOT THE BOOKS!! BRIGHT POSTED ON HIS INSTA STORY OMGGGGGG

- Faiza they got the book look bright igs

- faiza!!!! faiza!!!!!!!!! FAIZA!!!!!!!!

- good morning my dear, i know it's 6am there and you probably have thousands of messages in your inbox but i want to reiterate: thank you so much for organising this. you have put your life and soul and heart into this and being able to see it in their hands is overwhelming enough for the rest of us, but even more tremendous for you. i just wanted to make my appreciation and love for you known again, this was such an amazing and kind undertaking and i know we all appreciate it. thank you, ily!

- so busy these days... BUT NEVER NOT PROUD OMGG SO PROUD, FAIZAAAA! LOOK AT BRIGHT'S INSTA OMGG YOU DESERVE IT SM! ILY ❤️

- FAIZAAA!!! OMG THANK FOR DOING THIS PROJECT I AM SURE BRIGHT AND WIN HAVE THE BIGGEST SMILES ON THEIR FACES RIGHT NOW I AM ACTUALLY CRYING *SOBS*

- im on the verge of tears on your behalf seeing bright's story.... i am so happy for you :(((( also i know this is gonna blow up on twitter you're a celebrity now

- The law of equivalent exchange. Brightwin get the books however you get twitter people coming into your anons

- let them link u Faiza! U deserve the praise 🥳💕

- I didn't write anything for the book cuz I'm really bad at writing this kind of things (I never know what to write even if I have so much to say, and writing this is causing me stress) but I'm really happy that they received something so special, done entirely because you and many people love them. Anyways, thanks for coming with this project to make them know how much they're loved❤️ you're such a good person.

- FAIZA!! i saw brights ig story and immediately rushed here! so happy for them and for you, i know they will love it so much

- I see the tweets about u in my timeline!! I feel like a proud friend even though I’m just an anon! I’m like “I KNOW HER! I LIKE HER CONTENT ALL THE TIME!” 🤣

- Seeing ppl not know about the fan project is kinda hilarious and strange lol, the tumblr community feels so tight knit so it’s like unexpected! You and Rahul are like our leaders 🤍

- I'm really happy for you!!! ❤❤❤ you did such a good job and the books got there safely *throws all the hearts*

- SO HAPPY FOR YOU❤️

- Hi, Faiza! Tysm for putting together the project idk if I actually got my letter on time but regardless seeing in bright's ig made me feel like floating, he has the words of people who love him and his work on his hands, and he gets to cherish that forever. 👌🏽💕 Tysm

- faiza u really r the beating heart of this fandom. i love u so much thank u for existing

- Hi Faiza!! i just saw bright’s ig story and seeing him hold the book is making me so emotional i can’t even form words right now but i just wanted to tell u THANK U. this wouldn’t have happened without u. ur so .. ur such a .. AAAAAAAAA I DONT HAVE A GOOD ENOUGH WORD TO DESCRIBE U !!! JUST !!! pls know my love, respect and gratitude for u is endless !!!! thank u so much for everything that u do !!! ❤️❤️

- The way that I got like super emotional when I saw Bright’s post with the book and then my first though was I wonder how Faiza feels rn. I can’t stop smiling, I’m so happy that I participated on the books! Thank you again 💕

HELLOOOOO EVERYONE!!!!

oh wow thats. yeah. yall really are the absolute GREATEST people. i was up until 1am last night thinking and stressing out over when the boys would get the books. and amidst that stress, i fell asleep???

and i woke up at 6am to go watch wyel but i thought ill come on here first .... and i got FLOODED with messages!!! so to answer that one anon, yes, THIS is what i was being cryptic about!!

and i still cant bring myself to go and physically see brights ig story yet. im too too nervous to do that hsjhd but yall have sent me screenshots, so thank you sm sm sm for it!!!!

i hope win can post something soon too, so i know he's got his aswell and put my mind at ease!!

but urm. yeah. its been a Wild 2 months making this. thank you EVERYONE for contributing and providing so much support and motivation. it truly goes to show the power we can have as people when we come together for a good cause! and they have a piece of you now! to cherish and hold!!! and read and gain strength from! as i said, we sowed the seeds, and here are the fruits of our labour!! and im so happy i could be a messenger in some way to carry all those words of affection yall have and your own personal stories and experiences and hand them over to them. thank you all for trusting me to do so. i was so scared bc i didnt wanna let you guys down!

i love you all SO SO much!!! yall are truly the greatest friends!! 🧡🧡🧡

#faiza answers

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leafticket · 4 years

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madeira day 2!

i have a house! honestly im not lovin the green roof, i wish id known what color the door was gonna be before i picked it 😔 im sure i can change it later tho so i’ll just have 2 hold out for it

i donated a shit ton of stuff to blathers and my museum is opening soon (hopefully tmrrw cuz i have SO MUCH i need 2 donate and the area behind my plaza is a nightmare lol)

i got the pocket expansion, the pro custom designer (see: new sweater from the pre generated designs!!), and the upgraded tools! and i unlocked and funded the nook shop (i think it’s timmy who’s in charge of that? i can’t tell them apart lol but i like that one is the shopkeeper and one is like wandering the island for questions n stuff... we love character development)

things r goin good w my fellow islanders! charlise checked in w me and it made me cry and antonio said smth rly cute abt germs and i was like... sir in these times i wish it were that easy but i appreciate the sentiment. also i wrote both of them letters so we’ll see what happens!

im not sure where Norma is?? i invited her to madeira yesterday and I totally thought she’d be there but she was nowhere to be found and i haven’t heard anything from her. idk i hope she arrives soon 🥺

i got a shovel and a vaulting pole and explored around a lot! and i planted some stuff including a bell tree!! also i bought a slingshot and knocked down some cool stuff so I’ve almost paid off the first house loan, i think i have like 20k ish left so that’s rly cool

sir legend gulliver washed up on my island today and then he got left on read..... real king shit 😌☝️ every time i checked in on him his shipmates still hadn’t responded and it stormed for a few hours later in the day and I felt so bad for him omg but hopefully he’ll find his way home soon! otherwise i’ll pitch a tent 4 him so he can live somewhere he’s rly appreciated :”~)

i did two mystery island tours, one with a ticket tom nook just like. Gave me for free for some reason and one with a ticket I bought myself!! i met tucker the first time and curve-flattening icon raddles the second but i didn’t invite either 2 my island rip.... i feel bad but their aesthetics just don’t rly speak 2 me (and also i have tucker in corambo (my acnl town) rn and i wanna try n have diff islanders w me maybe)! i forgot to take screenshots of tucker cuz i was rly sleepy (i took a random 3 hr nap today idk what happened) but yeah i did get raddles As U Can See

Also idk what to think abt my plane name theory!!! Wilbur referred to the plane as “soaring rose” on the trip where i met tucker and “soaring hyacinth” on the one where i met raddles so idk. I guess it’ll b different every time?? or dodo airlines has like a fleet or smth? but i like it!

yesterday i was like crazy confident going fishing even tho my mental health was honestly In Tha Pits and today i was feeling better but somehow i had more anxiety abt catching fish and. 2 make a long story short i fucking broke my 52x streak for that one nook miles challenge thing and i will never forgive myself. also i tried catching wasps twice and... got stung instead twice LMAO and also i chickened out of going after a t*rantula and it just scuttled off and disappeared. queen of ruining my own life 😌

i caught an oarfish!!! it’s like a tiny thing i guess but it just made me rly happy cuz i wasn’t expecting it at all, the fish shadow size looked rly normal so i was pleasantly surprised by that hehe!

idk how to get a ladder but i rly hope i can soon! also im getting kinda antsy cuz the main part of my island is running out of space for new amenities and im rly hesitant to cut down trees / pull weeds bc it all looks so pretty but i might have to soon bc I don’t think islanders can access the upper layers or diff sections of the island and i dont want to put someone in a place where no one else can get 2 it 😔 like i need bridges and stuff and it’s stressing me out!!!!

i forgot to post this yesterday but heres the map of madeira.... the madeira map if u will. and also my passport as of tonight!

#idk why i made it say animal animal i just thought it was funny JKFJSKDJDJ i woulda done full fledged clown but i saw other ppl w it and i #wanted 2 b Original.... we’ll see how long i keep it #animalese #nh #acnh #acnhdiarychallenge #animal crossing new horizons #animal crossing

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goldenscript · 7 years

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neighbor!jennie

author’s note: this is in the same universe as neighbor!monsta x <3

the friend crush (turned actual crush) candidate neighbor

in other words, she’s that girl you’re dying to befriend and to get to know and all that wonder stuff

she’s pretty, sweet from what you can see in your comfortable nook beside her home, and she definitely sounds like a blast to be around

minus the times where you can practically hear her and her screeching at each other for only god knows what

last you remembered it was over the last eggo waffle but you’re not gonna judge bc waffles are pretty damn good

you know she’s also a very attentive roommate to her roomie considering she’s always buying groceries and staying up to wait for her roomie too

which also brings up the mention that the walls between the apartment spaces are so damn thin, you can literally hear everything so it’s no brainer than you’ve learned all these things abt jennie by observation than actual talking

ofc you’d love to talk to her!!! you’ve been dying to for so damn long that it actually feels painful whenever you see chances to bc you don’t take them

all

your friend taehyung’s been nagging you to do it and even your roommate jiwoo who’s been nothing but an observer of you observing jennie and to say the least the two of them just want you to come out of your shell just to say hey bc that doesn’t hurt

right?

well it doesn’t but it does hurt ur pride when jiwoo purposefully locks you out of the apartment for reasons unbeknownst to you (lmao lbr u kno why but ur in denial bC YOUR ROOMIE WOULDN’T DO THT TO U RIGHT?????,,,,,,,,,,,,,)

absolutely, postively incorrect

bc she does and ur stuck in the hallway wondering if she’s actually asleep or if she’s punking you bc you forgot milk tht one time sophomore year (mind you, y’all are third years rn n you rlly wouldn’t b surprised if jiwoo did that ‘cuz of milk tbh she’s that typa person)

and you’re abt to call taehyung and ask if you can stay at his place when you hear a voice that isn’t warbled from a thin wall and is actually directed at u

“ummmm,,, are u ok?”

you actually fumble with ur phone and that causes her to giggle and wow it just sounds so freakin’ nice but holy shit is she really talking to you rn??? is that really happening???????

you’re absolutely baffled but u manage to nod and tell her that your roommate locked u out and she actually pouts on ur behalf and ur actually starstruck a lil’

it’s one thing to hear and observe these actions from jennie but it’s a complete game changer when she’s performing such actions,,,in front,,, of you,,,, and ,,,, for,,, u,,,,,,,,,,,,, FOR YOU

all u can focus on is ur heart pounding incessantly and u swear it’s ur nerves bc hey friend crushes can still make u nervous y’know n ur so engrossed in this tht u don’t even notice that jennie’s grabbed a hold of ur hand and is leading u back to her place

aND UR BRAIIN IS SUDDENLY LIKE !!! bc holy fuck is that really happening???

you squeak out a ,,, “what”

and she just giggles at you n says “it’s no biggie, my roomie’s out with her bf n i can’t just leave a pretty face like yours out! someone might snatch u y’know??”

“t-thank u,,,,”

“jennie” she smiles tho u kno her name n u kno it well tht it actually makes u super happy that she even knows urs bc after u say it she just grins at u and says “i know”

and basically at her apartment, u see how neat and nice it is with all the black and pink decor on her end w/ roses n these really gnarly looking motorcycles tht she winks at u abt bc her baby’s still in the shop rn and she even offers to take u on a joyride somewhere bc you’ve never once been on a motorcycle but u wouldn’t mind going on one

it’s a first for her but it actually makes her light up to see someone showing interest in something that she adores!!!

u eventually find out tht next to motorcycles she actually rlly loves event planning n that’s why she’s doing communications as a major bc one day she’d like to be in her own pr firm n showcase new and vibrant things that’ll benefit others bc next tht she loves helping others so if what she does can helps others then she’ll feel fulfilled in life

it explains a lot considering she’s always helping people,,, like always

from making sure her roomie’s fed to volunteering at homeless shelters to even tutoring young children, she’s even trying to get into a peer mentor program at the local middle school (a lot of it happens at different times in the year but she has no issues with any of it bc it makes her happy)

srsly she works to the point of overwork and even her roomie has to drag her out by the ear just to get the girl to relax

and evidently this is one of those days where she is relaxing (by helping u lolol) but also she rlly appreciates the attention and attentiveness you’re showing her bc you love listening to her talk and explain what certain things are and it makes her so so so so happy ok

at first it’s miniscule things that make her happy from those little hang outs you two will do now that the ice has been broken to even the times you’ll actually accompany her to a few of her volunteering tasks and she’s so certain she’s found a great new friend, a wonderful friend even tho u can honestly say that the friend crush has become more bc holy shit ??? jennie’s amazing how could u not see her as something more y’know?

and even tho ur certain she doesn’t feel the same and jiwoo calls bullshit like every chance she gets with u, the ultimate game changer happens,,, The Sludge

so two doors down are Changkyun and Jooheon, the resident rappers who have had the notoriety of suffering from the horrific gross substance tht no one can rlly label to a T but to say the least it’s Terrible and Nasty and just N O

so even tho those two were struck with it bc of their lack of pay in the water bills, that gross stuff is just traveling all around the floor - even kihyun and hyunwoo and other residents have suffered thru it so on a very unfortunate day it struck jennie and her roomie’s

fortunately her roomie got a place with changkyun meanwhile jennie was kinda left without,,,, n on tht day u actually see her outside of ur apartment door looking v torn n ur like “jennie???”

her eyes go wide and she manages a wave n u ask what happened n she just deadpans n says “The Sludge” so you understand

and instead of waiting for her to ask bc you kno a part of her wants to but the other part that hates being a burden is lingering so you just invite her to stay n u give jiwoo a heads up and tht blonde roomie of urs is like “w/e she’s staying in ur room”

which she does cuz u force her to bc it won’t hurt u to stay on the couch esp when there’s a guest

she’s pretty begrudging abt it but she manages to deal n she actually enjoys the way you’ve decorated everything and notes just how nice it all is and ngl but she doesn’t miss the photo of u n her on ur bulletin board of ppl you care abt n it makes her feels so warm and touched,,,, it’s like the first instance of her becoming certain of her feelings for u

it’s all small ofc but the more she stays with u, the more ur on her mind n the more she enjoys her times at ur place (which ur loving btw bc she’s a wonderful roommate who will help cook n does grocery shopping bc the damn Sludge is still infesting their apartment)

she does what she can to help and jiwoo loves it and you love having her around so much

in this close proximity you’re able to really see those little things abt jennie like how she loves milk ice cream, how she’s very meticulous in the way things are placed, and how she copes with her stress by organizing even if it can be a bit of an issue

like lisa and jisoo have had their entire desktops cleaned n organized to an utter t after jennie’s done with it (jisoo: “there’s srsly never a simple sleepover with her man”)

but for some reason, she won’t do that to your stuff? like ok she doesn’t organize stuff just cuz she wants t disrespect the owner; most of the time it’s ‘cuz they gave her permission but with you??? she’s not sure and she hasn’t asked

it’s different cuz with her friends they let anyone touch their stuff

but you?? she doesn’t wanna just be anyone to you anymore

she wants to go on motorcycles rides with you and take you to her favorite beach when everything’s too much

she wants to take care of you and show you how much she cares and how much she loves those little things abt u even if u hate those beauty marks and “blemishes” and all that other stuff

she wants to hear you talk about ur favorite book and why then watch the movies to talk abt how lame they were or how you loved a movie and why

she just wants to do anything and everything with you and it’s really just eating at her bc this isn’t another event to plan or really something she can just organize away

hell she can’t even ride her motorcycle away bc all she can think abt is the way you practically lit up when she offered to give u a ride n she decides to just take a risk and stop you after one of your classes

you’re a little confused but you go with it bc she seems pretty distracted by something n u need a break from stats anyway so when she hands u her helmet u take it and watch her put on her space

she tells u to hold on and u do for dear life even if ur screaming at ur heart to shut up bc this is the first time you’ve been this close to her and it makes u tighten ur grip bc you dont want her to disappear

funnily enough, she doesn’t want u to either and she just relishes in ur touch

and so you both wind up at that beach and it’s so beautiful n ur in awe bc holy fuck tht ride was amazing and this,,, T H I S is amazing!!!!

she finds you so adorable and she’s just like “yeah,,, yeah this is.....”

n you look at her in confusion, sitting beside her on the shore even if the cool sand clings to ur legs, “what’s wrong? you seem off lately?”

and she shrugs, looking torn once again bc she’s thinking back to how you accepted her in, always offered a hand to her whenever she needed it whether it was helping her carry a box of event programs or even tutoring her in a class, like,,,, she never realized how much she enjoyed you taking care of her bc she’s constantly taking care of others

so she just blurts out “i like you” she goes for it bc why the hell not??? it’s better to get an answer this way

you’re shocked ofc but eventually you’re like “fuck, me too”

bc having her there? so goddamn close???? those feelings really bloomed and it’s silly and cliche but you can’t help but smile and say “jennie i like you too”

and lemme tell ya rn, she couldn’t be happier,,,,even when you both later find out that the Sludge was fixed nearly two weeks ago bc her roomie promised she’d get her back ,,,,, she just brings u close into her arms and u two watch the waves in ease and in this nice mutual satisfaction and rlly that’s all you both could ever ask for~

#blackpinknet #jennie kim scenarios #jennie scenarios #blackpink scenarios #blackpink fluff #blackpink fanfic #jennie kim x reader #jennie x reader #emswriting #blackpink headcanons #girl group scenarios

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eternal-bangtan · 4 years

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So long story short I was a really big fan of bts for awhile but I got bored of them when boy with luv came out, didn’t listen to it that much but it grew on me. Tonight my mom called me into her room bc bts was on James Corden and it made me realize that idk I’ve kinda felt empty without them. The point of this: I don’t really like one of the members. I don’t wanna say because I know the backlash for this member would be awful. I don’t know what to do bc I always hear Stan one of none. Plz help

holy shit i never thought that i can get an ask like this and i dont even know if im the right person or can explain properly dhdjdjdd but im gonna just say my thoughts ok? maybe they will help u maybe they wont we r all different and need different approaches right

to me personally the idea of ‘stan ot7’ is a whole realization that everything matters and without 7 members/fans/some dumb shit/whatever happened good or bad there wouldnt be bts we know and that member u may not like is also as huge part of this path as other members without this one member at some point there could not be bts at all its a short version of my thoughts

i dont wanna sound too loud or weird rn but every time people say ‘i read the lyrics and that song spoke to me oh it helped oh this song helped me to accept and love myself oh this song made me cry cuz this is the way i felt too this cured my depression this gave me strength etc’ if everything didnt happen the way it did (aka 7 members complicated path a lot of shit but also good things) there wouldnt be these comments from ppl all over the world there wouldnt be songs wouldnt be uh lets call them saved fans cuz as i saw many people discovered them when they felt really bad and their songs and lyrics and messages helped them

so about not liking one member

1 when i first discovered bts and watched my first mv (ok even before that and when i only saw one clip of bts randomly without knowing them) i had a bias already and he made me dig a little deeper and when i decided to have a blog on tumblr at first i was following only blogs about this member and no one else and thought meh i only liked him why should i follow someone else related blogs rn 🤷‍♂️ and i didnt know how the whole kpop wolrd worked at that time lol

2 after some time i got used to them but felt a little strange about couple members i just couldnt get them i was puzzled and careful

3 after some more time i watched a lot of content i read some things and oK i got a whole ass knowledge (idk how many months passed) about every member and i remember having a ‘oh my god i love him so much hes such an amazing human being and makes my heart melt’ thingy with every memberrr at some point but it happened gradually

but in ur case u were a big fan as u say before idk for how long idk how old r u idk what kind of person r u so this may be a little harder

so what do i think about not liking one member

we all r very different and our surroundings r very different and our minds too and our preferences etc etc etc and if u think about it as not a kpop situation it would be normal right dhsjdj but we r here talking about kpop and it has some rules so,,, i will continue i personally tried to get to know those members a little more and better to understand them to know what do they feel and how do they treat others or how others treat these members and what r their roles etc and even if i didnt like some idk lets say ‘habits’ after some time i just accepted these ‘habits’ like a part of their personality u know? but yeah at this point i think of them as a family hdjdjdjd after stuff they have been through and how they all supported each other,,, idk its so precious to me its huge and important maybe im a lil oversensitive or empathic but i get it a little and appreciate that they became the way they r today ( while im writing all of this somehow THE EDINGING OF WE R BULLETPROOF ETERNAL KEEPS PLAYING IN MY HEAD AND IM ALMOST A SOBBING MESS) idk how it works but with bts u r breaking ur own principles and it makes sth inside of u expand and be more open minded and mentally flexible

but yO recently in their interviews they mentioned how hard it is ( i think it was hoseok i even took a screenshot oNE SEC) here it is

cr to op

so as u see its a normal thing and even they got used to each other after some time 🤷‍♂️ (i mean not from the beginning and they needed that t i m e to learn and grow up and accept etc) and ITS REALLY PRECIOUS THAT THEY R AT THIS POINT RN THAT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH it makes me think a lot about me and my friends and rethink some shit or the way i behave 😔

but wait was ur question ‘how do i accept the fact that everyone says love ot7 and i love ot6’ or ‘how do i love that seventh member’

ok about first question even tho i dont like solos etc even tho im ot7 i can say that people love to generalize anyway or love to attack or make assumptions so if u r not thinking anything bad about that member or not discrediting him and u r really realizing his huge role in their group and u just not a big fan of his ‘personality’ i think its not awful cuz we may not like some certain things in people and it happens esp irl with ppl 🤔 but if u r that type of ot6 like ‘ugh when will ______ quIT I H8TE HIM HES ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS’ its not good cuz well h8ing is the most self destructing thing lol and well wishing that someone should quit is also bad (and im saying this not from fans point of view) and should i even explain why

if its about second question hm u know after the beginning of this path of stanning bts and this fandom i faced many of my inner demons all of a sudden and after realizing whats the reason whats the source of those demons and after some work with them i felt a lot better and freer and relieved,, what if after accepting this seventh member and starting liking him too u will feel better too? what if its about having an inner conflict i really mean it think about ‘what do i not like about him/ why do i not like this or that/ is this that bad/ what if i liked ___ about him even tho i never liked this ever in my life/can i change the way i feel about it/ etc’ maybe u have this question in ur head rn cuz it meant to happen and u meant to work with ur inner state through this ?

i truly believe in few things 1 everything happens for the better (even tho realization can hit after many years) 2 everything happens in the best timing (for this thing! in ur life and u r ready for it) 3 if u dont like something and cant get rid of it just change ur reaction/perseption whatever that word is saying this from my own experience and there r more but dhhdhd

so at first just think about it if u need u can write it down somewhere it will help u to get to know urself better as well

ok maybe its not that deep but for quite some time whenever something bothers me i write it down to the notes starting from what happened what do i feel what exactly made me feel like this and why and what can i do to feel better

fr everyone can think of everything like ‘its not that deep’ but at the end of the day literally everything even little thing can help us with our mental state (after some work ofc) we better not underesetimate this world and things that happen to us 😔😔😔

also i wanna apologize for couple things english is not my first language so i tried my best but ofc there r typos and yes i dont have a habit of using punctuation i hope its not a big problem to u 😔

#SORRY IT TOOK MORE THAN ALMOST 1.5 HOURS IK #ask #id also love to say that its not about me treating such ‘simple’ things in this way #as i said it may be not that deep #but i decided to share my own experience #and it is really deeper even tho we may not think it is #everything that u like that surrounds u the way u think #its part of ur life #and u choose this path in particular #so i personally think #if sth bothers u #even such small things #u should think why #and thats why i wrote that whole write it down ask urself questions thingy #cuz it works like this with everything #it may not be about kpop it may be u about liking some art in particular or some way of behaviour or concepts of living #u know? u should listen to urself always #there r situations when others made us think/feel some type of way about sth and we feel conflicted after feeling it in another way #have u ever felt like this?#the most important thing is to listen to urself and not let others do this for u #yeah its more about how to live a life at this point #not about ‘i dont like one member what do i do’#i hope at least sth here will help u somehow 😔

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parkji-hoons · 7 years

Text

I’M A REALLY LUCKY PERSON

KCON AUSTRALIA EXPERIENCE!! Okay I’m home and I finally have time to write this and it’s gonna be suuuuuuupppperrrrr long bc a lot of crazy shit happened to me alksjfsfdhkjsfh also sorry no gifs bc I don’t have time rn but I will later in the week I promise!!! Also if anyone has any questions about the whole thing Im gonna open up asks for a few days so just hmu (I swear though if y'all send hate I’m gonna delete it so)

Day 1

Okay admittedly day 1 was really boring for me since I didnt go to the concert that day and had no artist engagements or anything (also the convention itself was really shite like I lined up almost an hour and a half for a small ass room that I barely stayed 5mins in) also the entire thing was very disorganised and I wasted a lot of my time tbh. But then I went to meet up with some mutuals (shout out to @minhwangs @yoonjsung @jaehwn ily guys) at circular quay and it was so lucky that the moment I stepped out of the train station they were heading my way and we met up real quick. Then they told me that I literally just missed seeing WJSN and like I was ofc sad but I also didnt really stan so I didnt really mind that much. We stayed in that spot just talking when I noticed a group of girls lining up to get ice cream and boiiii these girls were literally GLOWINGGG then Debbie (@jaehwn ) noticed me looking behind her and she was like holy thats WJSN and they all literary just walked past us like the angels they are. THWY WERE LIKE NOT EVEN A METRE AWAY FROM US AND THEYRE LITERALLY SO SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE OHMYGODD THEYRE SO CUTE LGJWJHSJASJ. Also a lot smaller than I expected but GDI wowowowowow and yeah that was basically the start of my lucky streak.

Day 2

OKAY THIS IS WHEN SHIT HAPPENNNNSSSSSS. Honestly I felt so so so unlucky tbh bc my friend and I fell asleep on the train and ended up missing our stop and went to god knows where so we were late and shit but like still relatively early but yeah we got there at around 9ish and I went to go collect my benefits cuz I got p1 but yeah I got red carpet for that night, an up10tion audience, a WJSN audience and a monsta x hi touch. Honestly lowkey disappointed I didnt get any wanna one but like I was grateful for the rest anyway (plus hi I love Monsta X) but my friend got a wanna one audience and she said she would give it to me (bless her). After that we went around trying to find people who wanted to go see WJSN or up10tion bc like even tho I like those groups Im not SUPER into them so I’d rather just give them to really big fans of them you Know? I literally made two peoples day but not asking for money or a trade for them to see their bias groups and literally they were so shocked I didnt ask for anything but like i just wanted it to go to someone who actually REALLY liked the group you know since I didnt really know know them (bc like if someone got wanna one hi touch but didnt like them as much like I’d love for them to give it to me bc theyre my bias group you know?). I also went around trying to trade my MX hi touch for wanna one but it was literally impossible but I also didnt really mind bc I love MX soooooooo. After that I met with Debbie again and she also didnt get wanna one benefits and we tried for so long to swap but no one would but like ehhhhh we both were gonna see MX so. We kinda just went in to the queue for the convention after that but not even to like go see the convention but for the kcon goodie bags that we were supposed to get and holy that took so damn long lrnekabjhwjhw after that I was like checking fb if anyone was wanting a MX hi touch for wanna one and someone posted that they would trade it but also wanted some money but like max I would go would’ve been $50 so I sent an offer and PRAYED to the gods no one else would make a higher one AND THEY ANSWERED MY PRAYWRS MAN SHE AGREED WITH THE TRADE AND I JUST OHMYGOD I WAS GONNA MEET WANNA ONE I WANTED TO CRYYYYYY AND I WAS LIKE DEBBIE THAT MEANS YOU CAN GO TOO BC I STILL HAD THE WANNA ONE AUDIENCE AND WE WERE LITERALLT SO SOSOSOSOOSOSO HAPPY I WAS SO LUCKY OHMYGODDDDDDDD.

Meeting Wanna One

OKAY SO HERE’S WHERE SHIT REALLY WENT DOWN. So while Monsta X was having their m&g ofc all of the people going to the wanna one m&g were like ‘let’s line up’ and at this time it was like 1pm-ish? WE WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE QUEUEING UNTIL LIKE 3.45PM AND ENTRY WAS ACTUALLY AT 5PM SO I LITERALLY WAITED IN LINE FOR 5 HOURS IN 35 DEGREE DIRECT HEAT I ALMOST DIED HOLY. But I made quite a few friends in line and we got up to a ton of shit (may or mayn’t have turned one of the security guards into a wannable….his bias may or may not have been daehwi…(bonus: we gave him a banner and at the actual m&g the same security guard was standing by the door where wanna one was gonna come through and he was holding the banner akajflkjshflkj it was really cute).

Anyways, so after 5hours we finally went into the room and holy shit I managed to get front row somehow??? rip though bc I was on the opposite side of where jihoon was but LIKE STILL FRONT FUCKING ROW?!??!?!?! HOW LUCKY AM I WTF. So after getting inside we had to wait another 30mins until they actually you know, came but during that time they were playing the album so everyone just jammed (except for when always was playing in that case everyone sobbed while singing) but yeah after 30mins WANNA ONE CAME OUT AND JUST HOLY SHIT THEY ARE LITERALLY SO BLOODY GORGEOUS IRL AKJLDFNLKASFJGN I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE BUT I WAS AWESTRUCK I COULDNT FILM IT PROPERLY MY HANDS WERE SHAKING THE ENTIRE TIME BUT THEY ARE LITERALLY STUNNING.

SO THEY ALL DID THEIR INTROS AND SHIT THEN IT WAS TIME FOR THE HITOUCH AND OHYMGOD I LITERALLY DIDN’T THINK MY LUCK COULD GET ANY FUCKING BETTER BUT APPARENTLY IT COULD??????

WHEN IT WAS MY TURN I SUDDENLY GAINED THIS WEIRD AMOUNT OF CONFIDENCE AND ACTUALLY SAID THINGS TO THME LIKE OHMYGOD. FIRST WAS GUANLIN. THIS BOI HOT DAMN IS TALL AF LIKE HOW DID YOU ONLY TURN 16 YOU ARE SO FUCKING TALL NOT TO MENTION REALLY DAMN HANDSOME LIKE BRO. I SAID HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM WHEN I WAS HIGH FIVING HIM AND HE JUST SMILED AND NODDED AND NEXT WAS ONG AND I WAS LIKE HIIIIII AND HE WAS LIKE HIII~~ AND GRINNED AT ME AND JUST ONG MAN HE’S LITERALLY MODEL LIKE GORGEOUS THE DAMN VISUALS WTF.

OKAY SO NEXT IS THE GREATEST FUCKING MOMENT OF MY LIFE AND NOTHING COULD EVER COMPARE TO THIS MOMENT. EVER. IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO MEET JIHOON (if y’all new and don’t know I have literally been screaming about holding park jihoons hand since pd101 days and my hands are literally shaking at me remembering that I HAVE HELD HIS HAND MISSION FUCKING ACCOMPLISHED I CAN DIE HAPPY). Park Jihoon. Where do I start? he is literally so so so so pretty. I almost melted and I think I stopped breathing when I looked into his eyes I’m not even lying idk how I was able to function BC HE LOOKED STRAIGHT BACK INTO MINE. BY SOME KIND OF MIRACLE I MANGED TO JUST BLURT OUT ‘I LOVE YOU!’ TO HIM AND I ENDED UP KIND OF TAKING A HOLD OF HIS HAND INSTEAD OF JUST HIGH FIVING AND JUST HE SEEMED REALLLLLY SURPRISED AND HIS MOUTH KINDA DROPPED? LIKE HE JUST SEEMED LIKE HE DIDNT EXPECT IT BUT AT THIS POINT I NEEDED TO START MOVING TO DAEHWI OR ELSE THE SEVURITY WAS GOING TO RUSH ME BUT LIKE A SECOND BEFORE MY HAND LEFT HIS JIHOON WAS LIKE ‘ I LOVE YOU~~~’ AND BOI. I. FUCKING. DIED. I COULDNT THINK STRAIGHT LIKE DID HE JUST SAY THAT? DID HE ACTUALLY. JUST TELL ME HE LOVED ME? HONESTLY I STILL DON’T BELIEVE IT HAPPEND AND IM JUST AKFGHJLKAJFHGNEJRFEBH???!?!?!?!??!?! The only thing that actually confirmed he said it was daehwis face bc he like looked at jihoon sorta shocked too like mouth dropped type thing and just ohmygod I could go on and on but I won’t bc theres still 8 members left lisfhiesfjcoiehnf.

alright so next was daehwi. STILL had his mouth opened by the time I fully got to him but he managed to smile at me and I was like ‘ HOW ARE YOU?’ bc he is my son and I need to make sure he’s doing well you know? and he was like ‘I’m good!!’ but I think I took too long bc security sort of pushed me a bit to go quicker (props bc I was still like not moving bc wtf jihoon) but yes jinyoung HIS HEAD REA;;Y IS DAMN SMALL BUT HE IS REALLY HANDSOME LIKE WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW YOU ARE SO CUTE LIKE WTF.

At this point security actually pushed me to move on but they did it like while I was already starting to say HI to Daniel but since I was pushed it like came out louder than I expected (like a hiIIii) and Daniel was so startled he literally took a step back before just smiling at me and it was so funny bc jisung low-key laughed at him and it was really cute.

With Jisung I was like ‘THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING’ bc he needs to know he is appreciated like YOON JISUNG WE ALL LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU BOI PLS ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT but he like did that pouty face thing that he does when he wants to show that he’s grateful/touched idk but like he squints his eyes and pouts and nodded his head at me and SQUEEZED MY HAND LIKE HOT DAMN JAKFJFMERJ. ALSO CAN I JUST SAY THATT THIS BOI IS SO MUCH MORE HANDSOME UP CLOSE LIKE HE LOOKS SO DAMN GOOD ON SHOWS AND FANCAMS AND SHIT BUT HOLY SHIT UP CLOSE IT’S LIKE X1102399014839573827569287 LIKE HE IS GORGEOUS DO NOT BELIEVE ANYONE WHO THINKS OTHERWISE OKAY!

NEXT UP WAS SUNGWOON AND HE’S NOT THAT SHORT GUYS LIKE COME ON (side note: most of them were actually shorter than I expected but since I expected sungwoon to be like SHORT he was taller than I expected lmao) but by this time security was like HURRY TF UP so I was just like hiiiii and he just smiled at me and I did the same with jaehwan and he smiled and was like ‘HI HI’ and just akljfghlkajfhgimerhfiefm jaehwan wtf.

up next was the bias wrecker. Park Woojin. ngl I planned on pretending to high five woojin b4 dabbing to prove I don’t swerve but before I could I was like hii!!! and he fucking grinned at me and showed off his snaggletooth and BOIIIIII HE IS SO FUCKIG CHARMING WTF. ALL THOUGHTS OF DABBING LEFT MY MIND AND I ENDED UP GRIPPING HIS HAND BC I WAS LIKE I NEED SUPPORT IM GOING TO MELT OTHERWISE BC PARK WOOJINS SMILE IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL ( I swear I didn’t swerve….maybe for like 0.0005s). last but not least mr. hwang minhyun. HIS. VISUALS. ARE. SO. BEAUTIFUL. HE WAS DRESSED ALL CUTELY AND HE WAS SO PROPER LIKE HE WAS DASHING AND BEAUTIFUL WOWOWOOWOW WHEN I GREETED HIM HE SMILED AT ME AND BOWED AND SAID HI BACK ADN IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT. after that I kinda…..skipped off stage…I was so high man I was on cloud 9 I literally could not believe that all happened in a span of like max 2 mins and I feel like I was going to collapse but hands were still shaking so much alkjhifrbhureih.

ANYWAYS after my mini break down, I gathered myself and went back to join the crowd and listen to their ending speech thingo (by this time I was at the back rip but still pretty close) We weren’t allowed phones while meeting them so I shoved it in my bag ad wasn’t able to video this but when they were about to do their last greeting all of the fans started singing happy birthday for guanlin and it was literally the cutest thing to watch their reactions bc they were all so shocked!! LIKE GUANLINS EYES WIDENED AND ALL OF THE OTHER MEMBERS SUDDENLY LIKE SNAPPED THEIR HEADS TO THE CROWD THEY WERE SHOOKT AND IT WAS SO CUTE BUT THEN THEY ALL STARTED CLAPPING ALONG AND SMILING REAL BIG WHILE WE ALL SANG AND WHEN IT ENDED THE MC (KEVIN FROM UKISS) WAS LIKE AWWW HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GUANLIN WHEN IS IT? (something along those lines) and guanlin was like lol it’s today but yeah after that heartwarming scene they did their greeting and left and we all started leaving too bc most of us needed to go line up for the red carpet.

(ALSO SOMEONE GOT A PHOTO OF MY SAYING I LOVE YOU TO JIHOON AND ME MEETING DAEHWI, IF YOU WANNA SEE SEND ME AN ASK, I WONT POST IT NOW BC IDK IF PEOPLE WANNA SEE LOL)

Red Carpet

Yo lemme tell y'all the line for the p1 red carpet was sooooo fucking long like holy shit HOW WERE ALL THESE PEOPLE GONNA FIT IN THAT TINY ASS ROOM and since I lined up so late bc the queue started really early and the wanna one m&g ended late I was towards the very back and I couldn’t really see anything (sad) but yeah basically only sf9, up10tion, WJSN and Monsta X went and a lotttt of fans got mad bc wanna one didn’t go akjsfmejfhoisenfu but it wasn’t like we could do anything about it like ??!??!?!! but I get it esp if they didn’t get to attend the m&g but yeah I can’t talk about it much bc I couldn’t see much rip soz it’s pretty like simple tho? they introduce the act, the act gets on stage then stays there for a bit introduces the group then leaves and the next group comes in and etc. what kinda sucked tho was like lining up to get into the concert venue bc of everyone pushing and shit it was so damn annoying.

Concert

CONCERT TIME YO. Okay first off, THOSE OPENING ACTS LIKE SHOUT OUT TO YOU GUYS YOU WERE FUCKIGN AMAZING HOLY SHITLJAHKCFJME ALso I’m really sorry but the SF9, Up10tion and WJSN parts of this are going to be really short mostly bc I wasn’t actually that big of a fan (like I only really knew their titles songs and didn’t even know the members names I’m so sorry!!) of those groups b4 this concert so I don’t know much and can’t talk a lot about them but what I can say is IVE BEEN CONVERTED BC THEIR STAGES WERE FUCKING AMAZING!!! ALSO SHOUT OUT TO THAT DUDE FROM SF9 WHO KEPT WAVING AT ME AND THREW A HEART AT ME BEING A HYPER PERSON IN THE CROWD LIKE BOI IDK YOU BUT YOU MY BIAS. But literally they all performed soooooo damn well and just WJSN is after my heart (esp when they played secret).

The highlight performances for me though were definitely wanna one and monsta x. wanna one mostly bc like hi you my bias group also THEY ARE FUCKING GOOD AT WHAT THEY DO MAN LIKE DAEHWIS LIVE VOICE HOLY SHIT ALSO JAEHWANS VOICE LIKE WE ALL KNOW IT’S GODLIKE BUT HEARING IT LIVE LIKE WTFFFFFFFFF. I LITERALLY COULDNT EVEN RECORD ANYTHING BC MY PHONE DIED AND I WAS REALLY SAD BUT LIKE HOT DAMNNNNNNNNNN THEY WERE AMAZING. ALSO WHEN THEY WERE GETTING INTO POSITIONS FOR BURN IT UP THERE WAS LIKE A SPLIT SECOND OF SILENCE AND I SCREAMED OUT ‘PAARRRRKKKK JIIIIHOOOOONNNNN’ SO LOUD THA T THE GIRL NEXT TO ME MOVED AWAY AND JIHOON LOOJED UP I WAS SHOOK (I apologised so much to the girl and she laughed it off but still moved away rip) also I’m not even gonna talk about piñata time bc there was too much shit going on there and my friend got decent fancams so I’ll gif later but SOMEONE TELL JIHOON TO STOP SOMEONE TELL GUANLIN THE FLOOR IS DIRTY SOMEONE TELL ONG NO AND SOMEONE REMIND JISUNG THAT HE IS THE CUTEST BEAN EVER (also stop park woojins sexy dance 2k17 thanks) but minhyun waved at me during piñata time and I love him for it. We also all sang happy birthday to guanlin again and I will never ever get tired of seeing that boy all happy and smiley I hope he enjoyed his birthday with us!!!

OKAY MONSTA X THO DEFS TOOK STAGE OF THE NIGHT LIKE BOISSSS. THEY BLOODY OWNED THAT STAGE. THEIR STAGE PRESENCE IS NO FUCKING JOKE LIKE HOLY HELL EVERYONE WAS LIKR REALLLLLLYYYY INTO IT (like people were going W I L D but like for wanna one they did to but it was more of like fangirl W I L D. for monsta x it was like jamming head banging move your body W I L D it was literally amazing). THEY PERFORMED EX GIRL WHICH IS LITERALLY ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE SONGS EVER AND JUST HOLY SHIT I WAS SOBBING WHILE SINGING IT AND WAVING SOME GOLD STREAMERS AROUND LIKE CRAZY AND KIHYUN NOTICED ME AND LAUGHED AT ME AND IT WAS SO CUTE. ALSO HOW WAS THAT GIRL WHO GOT LUCKY ENOOUGH TO BE PROPOSED TO BY MONSTA X NOT DEAD ON THE FLOOR? I WAS ON THE GROUND THE MOMENT CHANGKYUN SAID ANGEL LIKE HOLY SHIT YOU GOT SERENADED BY KIHYUN AND WONHO LEGIT WENT DOWN TO TAKE A SELFIE WITH YOU AND HUGGED YOU GIRL HOW ARE YOU ALIVE (admittedly she did like have a fan with shownus face on it and he didn’t participate in the proposals rip but still) anyways STAGES WERE FUCKING LIT ALSO WONHO YOU HOE SOMEONE STOP THAT GUY.

okay so after monsta x it was like the part where all of the groups come out again and shit and I ended up front row of the very side and wanna one came and stood there and I was legit right in front of Daniel woojin and jaehwan and the girls around me were trying to get their attention and were screaming their names and shit and I was like hmmmmm what should I do?? so I like made a heart with my arms like hands on head type heart and kinda just started stoically at woojin NOT THINKING HE WOULD NOTICE ME BUT ALKJHLCEKJNFSEJFHGBOSUIB HE FUCKING DID AND IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST AWKWARD AND FUNNIEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE HOLYSHIT IT WAS LIKE WE MADE EYE CONTACT AND HE STARED FOR A BIT LIKE WTF AND I FALTERED AND GAVE AN AWKWARD SMILE AND HE STARTED TO LAUGH A LIL AND I DIDN’T NOTICE BUT DANIEL SAW TOO AND HE TURNED TO WOOJIN AND THEY LAUGHED TOGETHER THEN OUT OF NO WHERE STARTED DOING THIS WEIRD DANCE THEN AFTERWARDS I NOTICED JAEHWAN STARING AT ME WITH COMPLETE JUDGEMENT ON HIS FACE AJMIRENJFOEGHU THE DICK BEFORE I WAS SHOVED AWAY BY A GIRL NEXT TO ME BUT YEAH THAT HAPPENED WOOPS.

basically it was one of the most amazing days of my life I not only got to meet and high five my ult bias group and see various amazing performances by all of the artists, I also was able to make new friends and meet my mutuals here and it was just sososososo amazing Im literally so grateful for everything and everyone and I was just realllly lucky I hope everyone gets to experience this bc I’m so happy rn and I hope everyone will be this happy at least once in their lives too!!!! and just I literally not even two months ago was totally convinced id never meet jihoon and hold his hand but IT HAPPENED so anyone who tells me it won’t happen to them I call bullshit bc I was literally saying that a month ago and it fucking happened to me so it’ll happen to you guys too I’m just saying!!!

also if you read up to here you’re a legend and I love you :D

#kconaus #this is so fucking long ohmygod #this is more for me tbh just so i don't forget anything #also just wanted to relive it sjdgjg #shout out to sarah jas debbie and miya for meeting up with meeeee #i just realised that i was the youngest lmao call me maknae #i'm joking #or am i #anyways #i love you all #i'll try to get my friends videos #and gif them later in the week #all of my photos and videos are blurry i wanna cry #my hands were shaking so #sorry for no photos or videos rn #but yeah i probably missed out on a lot that happened but if i remember i;ll just makeseparate txt post #all of my icon experiences are under kconaus if you wanna see if i post things i didn't mention in here #but yeah love you all #imma sleep now #but im literally so grateful for this opportunity #i was the luckiest person ever #i've used all of my luck now tho rip #sorry for any typos #i cried a little writing this down #also my hands have been shaking since the start awicjlmrejknfceijrhn #anyways goodnight all!!!#personal #wanna one #park jihoon #kang daniel

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citrus-feline · 7 years

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lets be real tho. depression? not getting any better. my fault? yeah. but uh. what do i fuckin do about that? all the shit i need to do to make my depression “better” is shit i can’t do cuz of the fuckin depression i got. im like tryin to think about ways around it and like dude i am making steps to try to get outta this pit but it really doesn’t seem to be working at all. the only things keeping me from sleeping all day is my dad and jordan. and even then its like still “hhhh i like. want to talk to you. but i also wanna nap...... nah, i should keep talking... its good for me...... *5 min later* hey im gonna go take a nap.”

like. i used to think that the absolute bottom of depression is suicide, but like, YEAH, i think about that stuff a lot, but im like. used to pushing those thoughts away. im easily in one of the worst depressions of my life rn and i’ve realized that, huh, maybe being depressed as fuck doesn’t require wanting to actively commit suicide every minute? like sure, i think things would be better if i did just like have a heart attack and died, but like. i’ve got systems about dealing with that now at this point in my life. i say that kinda shit and its like “yeah, thats true, but only for part of me. some things are really good, and i love people who love me back. it would be shitty for me to leave them like that”. like, i dunno man. part of how bad it is rn is my apathy with shit like suicidal thoughts. like, hey, i feel like hurting myself. whatever, im too depressed to get out of bed to do anything anyways.

like im not as bad as possible. i could never leave my room. and some days i don’t. but for the most part i make myself at least go upstairs and try to drink something and maybe eat if im up for it. i force myself to take my meds every day cuz i know im 1 million times worse without them, also i dont wanna deal with withdrawal headaches. i could like, avoid eating or taking meds all together. but that doesn’t mean im not bad. like. i can laugh and have fun with activities every now and then, but thats like the only thing keeping me from going completely numb. if it wasn’t for other people helping me laugh and gently pushing me to do stuff like shower and eat i would literally be my worst, lying in bed all day and leaving only to go to the bathroom.

i feel shitty about it, cuz i want to get better, i do. i just feel like i can’t. right now is a tough time for me where motivation is at an all time low. i might get a little excited and say “im gonna do this and this”, but inevitably i probably won’t do that unless someone else is there to push me. and even then i may still just give up. my depression will fuckin catch me when im having a good time, it will say “hey im here” and then my mood will just plummet again. ill be laughing and having fun talking to friends online but then BOOM, you’re sad as fuck. go take a nap, shithead. and i will. i go take a nap. even tho i know i shouldnt, i do. cuz like. what obligations do i have? in nearly all ways i am like the ultimate burden / freeloader. i try real hard to not feel shitty about it and like justify it with “you’re very mentally ill and can’t help it” or even “people like having you around” but like? fuck if i actually don’t believe that in the end.

i was talkin about hospitals today and like. i just thought. is that where i belong? i live my life like a very sick person. and i am “sick” in my own way, but is it really real? is it really justified for me to exist for the sake of existing? am i really okay with this? no, im not. but i would feel even worse if i made myself suffer by getting fired from another job. are things bad? in my environment, absolutely not. people support and love me and fucking do all this shit and take care of me for absolutely no gain for themselves, and yet i am still this fucking huge burden on the fucking lives of the people i care about. “you’re doing your best” “we love you” yeah, i know, and that just makes me feel worse, cuz you gotta love a shitty person like me who can’t do anything even when they are doing their fucking best.

this post went in a different direction than i expected, but whatever. im like. angry at myself now. i want to grit my teeth and fucking punch something. but if i do that i know ill feel worse cuz i do that shit where i always pull the punch last second, even if i REALLY don’t want to. my hesitation is what makes this all worse. if i had the nerve to commit to shit i feel like i wouldn’t be in the situation. even for shit that doesn’t matter like punching a fucking pillow, i can’t do that right. i try, fucking believe me, but that doesn’t matter. im still just shitty me living my life filled with great shit that i fail to appreciate. and its so easy to fucking say “yeah, it’s my depression” but is that really fucking true? or am i lying to myself so i don’t just wait in my bed until i die? its getting to the point where i can’t tell if its depression or my inherent weakness. is it the chemicals in my head, or is it actually me as a fucking person that is seriously fucked up? what if my brother is right and im just a fucking loser that makes the excuse of depression so i dont fucking kill myself right now? like, what the fuck? what am i doing? shit isnt bad at all for me, and yet here i fucking am, screaming into the void about how much i fucking hate myself.

i want to blame people for this. i want to blame my mom. i want to blame my sister. i want to blame my brother. i want to blame the kids at school. i want to fucking blame everyone for why im like this. but i think im just meant to be broken. does a god really exist if i live like this? is there really a plan for me? is there meaning to my life at all besides being a burden on the people i love? i want to run away just so they don’thave to fucking deal with me anymore. im such a waste of space time and money. i dont care if im a “good person”, does tha treally make it okay for me to just freeload and kill the people i love just by fucking existing? i iknow they love me, and ilove them too, more than youcan fucking imagine, but odes that really justify it? does that make it okay?

i keep thinking im okay with this, im getting used to being this fucked up shell of a human being, but im not. im not. im not im not im not im not. i hope that if i get ssi i might stop feeling like this, and i might believe that people actually want me around, because ill be able to carry my own price at least a little. but with how things are, i don’t know. i don’t fucking know. im so fucking scared. i want things to go well but i just know they wont. what happens if they dont believe me about my depression? what happens if they push me away and tell me to get off of my ass? will i? no. i’ll kill myself. its literally that fucking simple. but what kind of fucking nerve do i have to do that kind of shit? i DONT. im a piece of shit who is so fucking ruined that i can’t even kill myself. im such a fucking mess. i wish i didn’t have to be this way. i wish i was fucking normal. i wish i could live up to the expectations they had of me. i was so smart and talented. but now im just a shithead ranting on tumblr about how i want to die.

what the fuck is wrong with me

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