ID: P2G AAC app tablet 6x10 with message bar saying, “Cloud feel so frustrated!” End ID

Autistic Vent: Part of being high support needs autistic is always feeling frustrated and angry about just generally everything that can’t do or things like Abl**sm and things that are inaccessible to us (especially as wheelchair users, and mobility users). Needing to use mobility aids should never be something that should be shamed for or made more difficult but Cloud just today had to deal with disabled inaccessibility at the local Denny’s Diner cafe with only one disabled parking slot and someone had already parked there, there were no other disabled parking spots but that single one user and so Caregiver had to park farther away from the front because the disabled parking was farther away from the front door of the diner and everywhere else was too far away to be wheeled. Cloud dealt with this poised and gracefully and just really wanted to sit down and have breakfast and thankfully the experience inside the Denny’s was much better than the actual parking problem. But still there needs to be more renovation for disabled parking places, and accessibility. That includes closer disabled parking and not just ONE!

Autistic vent: things cloud realized after childhood growing up was they were supposed to listen to cloud and listen to cloud’s input and scale of pain when in Sped class but teachers used that small journal and chart to rank and rate how bad cloud behaved and not asking cloud how cloud felt or what clouds level of pain/intensity lied. Cloud also realized how much bodily autonomy was robbed of not just cloud but all autistics especially nonspeaking autistics, and cloud angry cause now realize that cloud wasn’t crazy just correct in feeling certain way cloud felt about certain things. Others needed to change for cloud not the other way around. So now cloud dealing with the aftermath of allistic NT adults decisions and actions.

Being complex high support needs can mean always waking up exhausted from facing the NT world that's not built for you. Extremely destructive meltdowns on the daily then feeling ashamed for having one and needing tons of time to recover. Having co-occurring conditions that seem to get worse over time or fluctuate in manageability. And also feeling you have to overexplain to friends and family why you can't go x y or z especially if you come from a highly ableist family (hey there!)

Cloud hates drop seizures and falling to floor flailing on dirty bathroom floor. Just helpless flailing on floor

Great news!!! Cloud going to change legal deadname to current real name very soon!!! In 6 weeks cloud will have money to make name change in all documents and papers!!! This very important to Cloud as I'm part of a DID system and not relate or identify as legal deadname. That way bio mom will be forced to use my name real name. *happy flaps* *stimmy hands* ☺️☺️☺️🙌🙌🙌

TW: Autistic experience post, Inf/////zation, abl//sm, growing up autistic.

As a HSN autistic growing up was so difficult, even though was semispeaking at time, it felt like no matter what cloud could say didn’t matter at all

cause of how bad NT adults think so little of kids already even more so ND autistic kids who aren’t fully speaking, so nothing cloud said or did was taken seriously at all, or was just laughed off or said “oh no you don’t really mean or think that.” Not undermining those who were born nonspeaking at all.

Just the fact that you’re autistic and ND in SPED class is traumatizing enough.. going into mainstream classes and still not being able to understand those what people say or men to say.

Cloud often wonders if cloud was really semispeaking at all to begin with always felt like unreliable speech could speak but most of what was being said cloud didn’t even mean or want to say.

Still not sure how cloud felt. But felt as though cloud a grew up unreliably speaking.

Just was never able to make sense to others or say what cloud actually wanted to say. Cloud always felt misunderstood by adults and NT classmates. Due to sever infantalization of autistics in our class.

Just going to need more processing.

Living in poverty as a HSN autistic is really fucking hard…..

Bugs, dirt, fleas everywhere, not always having energy to clean or keep up house work, even though much of it goes to our caregiver, she needs supports too since she’s autistic as well. And not enough money to get from our checks to actually live comfortably. Life sucks sometimes.

TW: Abl//sm with blood family:

Love when I get to blood family's home and sometimes they still look at me like I can speak but can't now. And its just like I'm trying so hard but literally can't even get my mouth to even open. Point is I'm fucking done being in denial about it. Late regression is here and it's here to stay guys. Stop acting like I can just spill the beans. Or how 'bout the other one my mom likes to say, "hmm maybe you can walk" sure maybe if my FND allows me to but right now at that moment I needed to be in my wheelchair. So please stop apologizing to my caregiver as if she doenst get paid to do this. *rolls eyes*

HSN vent post: Cloud tired, always tired. Seems like all Cloud can think about is not doing the things Cloud once could. But Cloud always remembers that Cloud was never alone to begin with there are thousands of us HSN nonspeakers. And Cloud will always have a home/family with other autistics. Days are just hard though.

About us: The Hasted Tonberries

🌧️ Hello! ArquaticDreamer, my name is Cloud, I go by He/They pronouns

🌧️ We are a High support needs level 3 autistic ♾️

🌧️ We’re multiply disabled ♿️

🌧️ We’re unreliably/mostly nonspeaking

🌧️ We’re a polyfragmented overt complex DID system

🌧️ I’m (Cloud/host) a furry, possibly objectum, non-binary demisexual person

DNI: rad fem, terf, anti-LGBT, Ableists, racists transp//bic, sexist, mysog///stic, trans age, trans autistic, or transND, transabled, MAPS/NoMAPS, Z00phile, autiphobic, ddlg, or anyone who tries to fetishize age regression or those who need to age regress due to severe trauma, or those who sexualize autistics or other disabled people whether ND or not.

Our posts tags:

🫐 Arquaticautistic = a tag I always use for my posts

🫐 Arquatic asks = when I ask the community a question

🫐 Arquatic thinks = kinda like r/shower thoughts me making a realization or something regarding autism, and ND

🫐 Arquatic cries = any post I make whether it be info dump, or educational.

🫐 Arquatic echoes = this is for reblogs that I add onto something that I add my own flair or thoughts on. If I don’t add my own thoughts then it’s just reblogging tag

🫐 Arquatic rants = this could be highly emotional i just added this one recently as of now and I’m going to be using it for only my emotional rants or things regarding my time growing up autistic in an NT world or things that have to do with my struggles as an ND disabled person.

Tags we always use:

Nonspeaking, nonspeaking autism, high support needs, actually disabled.