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yaggy031910 · 7 months

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A fun little ask: the Marshalate is informed there is cake in the break room. How do each of them react?

Who ever you are, thank you for this sweet little question and I apologise for my late response. 🙈💕

I have ideas for some of them, however I am **not** aware of the maréchals eating habits so any input is welcome here. Also, I don't know all of the marshals well enough but I will try to include as many as possible. Don’t expect any historical accuracy in this.

See this post as a very big headcanon and as one ongoing story where I am going to try to mimic the marshals characters and miserably fail.

Shall we begin? :D

Les Maréchals and cake

Berthier would hear about it and quietly get excited by the idea of having a nice little piece of cake, just for him to be too busy with everything so that he isn't able to leave his desk. Either this or someone (probably one of his adcs) would be nice enough to get for Berthier his piece of cake.

Murat: You bet he is one of the first ones to look at this cake. His reaction might depend on how the cake looks. If it's a huge cake with a lot of golden details, Murat will carry it around so everyone admires this phenomenal cake because it deserves to be looked at.

Augerau and Masséna wonder why there is such a fancy a cake in the break room in the first place and who might have put it there. Augerau asks Masséna with a low voice: “How much money do you want to bet on the cake being poisoned?” Before Masséna is able to answer, Lannes enters the scene.

Lannes runs after Murat with the cake knife demanding to finally get his damn piece of this cake while Murat can't make himself to cut it because this cake is “so damn beautiful that it would be a waste to eat it.” This little game goes on for a minute or two until the other marshals grow impatient, one of them being Ney.

Ney who is known for his hotheadedness tries to save this cake from a disaster aaaaand fails. :) The three of them dispute over who is the actual culprit of this mess.

L: Murat, what have you done? M: I have done nothing. You followed me with a knife. N: You let the cake fall. M: You intervened in my business with Lannes.

The cake has fallen to the ground as Davout, Suchet and Macdonald watched. “Aaand here goes the cake”, Macdonald says; “At least the floor was able to taste it.” Suchet asks: “What do you think was its flavour?” ”Chocolate vanilla.” Davout answers. After a moment of silence, he adds. “Soult has a good recipe.” Mortier walks in, seeing how Lannes, Murat and Ney are loudly disputing while Masséna and Augerau get themselves black coffee and Davout, Suchet and Macdonald talking. Lefebvre who was walking right behind Mortier gestures him to move away from the door so he can get into the break room: “What is going on?”

Suchet: “We found a cake-“ Davout interrupts him: “We found a chocolate vanilla cake which we don’t know how it got here or if it was poisoned and now it’s inedible because his royal highness, the King of Naples, made it fall.”

Murat shouts from the back: “I didn’t let it fall.” Lannes: “Oh, you did.”

Lefebvre offers a solution like the good fatherly figure he is: “Do you still want cake? We could bake a new cake, messieurs.” Davout replies: “This sounds like a smart idea, Monsieur. Maréchal Soult knows an excellent recipe.”

Lefebvre: “Ahh, excellent. Where is our maréchal?”

Mortier: “He is in his office.”

“Then this where our journey goes next.” Lefebvre slams the door open and accidentally hits Oudinot. “Ah, Monsieur, my apologies. If I had known you were there, I wouldn’t have slammed the door as hard as I did. Are you alright? Yes? Until the next time then.”

Davout walks up to his friend to make sure how Oudinot is doing and explains to him in the meanwhile what is going on and also promises Oudinot to bring him a piece of the cake they are going to bake.

Lefebvre takes the lead and walks straight to Soult’s office while Davout and Mortier follow him. Suchet decides to stay behind while Macdonald thinks about it. Lefebvre knocks on Soult’s office door: “Monsieur, le maréchal? Are you here?” *Lefebvre knocks again with his energetic manner.* “Monsieur, le maréchal, it’s me, Lefebvre. Open the door!*

Soult opens the door with his usual unimpressed demeaner: Hm? Lefebvre: “Excusez-moi, mon maréchal, I heard you have a recipe for a delicious cake?” Soult: Cake? What cake? Davout: The chocolate vanilla one… the one you baked for your daughter Hortense’s birthday. The delicious one. Soult: Ah, yeah. That one. What of it? Mortier: We would like to bake this cake, which is why we want to ask if you mind us borrowing the recipe? Soult stares at his co-maréchals for a second, he shuts the door, opens it again with a piece of paper in his hand which he gives to Lefebvre. “Here. Is there anything else you need?” Macdonald who decided to join the baking group walks up to them and asks Soult: “Would you mind to lend us your baking equipment?” - “No. Have a nice day.” Soult shuts his door while Lefebvre shouts: “Thank you for your help, Monsieur Soult.” Macdonald asks: “What are we going to do now?” “We are going to bake the cake now, my good friend”, Davout answers. Mac: “Where? Where do you want us to bake the cake? Do we have the right ingredients?” D: In the kitchen and I don’t see why we shouldn’t have the ingredients. Macdonald looks at Davout with suspicious eyes about the matter if they are going to manage to bake this cake… The group of maréchals appear in the imperial kitchen where they start to gather the right ingredients. While the group is busy with the preparations, les maréchals Pérignon and Sérurier appear, wondering what is going on. As Lefebvre is explaining these two their baking journey up until now, Pérignon and Sérurier decide to join them: “A cake made by maréchals for maréchals.”

What could possibly go wrong with two additional heads in the kitchen? As it turns out: Everything. Pérignon and Sérurier manage to overdo the cake by confusing salt with sugar. The cake tastes salty, the icing itself is fine because it was made by Davout who religiously followed Soult’s directions. In addition to that, monsieur Lefebvre manages to mix up usual paper with baking sheets.

Bernadotte walks into the kitchen as he sees his fellow maréchals working on their baking project. He comments on the scenery: “This is just pure chaos without any discipline, a chaos which can’t possibly create something edible.” Davout replies “Well, have you ever baked anything in your miserable existence which you so call your life?”; to which Bernadotte says: “wELL, no, BUT-“ Davout continues: “Then get out of this room and give me my peace back or shut up.” Bernadotte decides to leave.

As Bernadotte is leaving, Jourdan walks right into the scene with an apple in his hand. A fire starts to break out in the oven and Jourdan, like the team player he is, turns and leaves this mess to his co-maréchals without saying one word.

Nothing is going as Davout had it planned. He sits in a corner, mourning this beautiful chocolate vanilla cake he had in mind. Macdonald sits right next to him with a spoon, telling him: “Well, at least the frosting you made yourself is delicious.” Davout, completely shattered by the fact that he wasn’t able to make his desired chocolate vanilla cake, puts his face into his palms until a surprise visits the kitchen: It’s maréchal Soult. With a cake. A chocolate vanilla cake. A chocolate vanilla cake which is neither burnt nor oversalted. A chocolate vanilla cake according to the recipe. Next to Soult is Oudinot who cuts two pieces of the cake: one for himself and one for his good old friend, Louis Nicolas Davout.

After Soult, Ney and Lannes enter the kitchen. Ney silently takes a piece of Soult’s cake, saying nothing except a simple “thank you”. So do Macdonald and Mortier. Soult tolerates Ney’s presence. Lannes on the other hand goes straight to the oversalted and burnt cake which the older maréchals made and are also eating. Kellermann and Grouchy, as late to the party as ever, also go for Lefebvre’s bad cake while Soult’s good cake is still sitting there. Soult can’t hide his look of disgust.

At some point, Bessières and Murat join or rejoin retrospectively the scene, walking up to Soult’s cake. Bessières, as well mannered as he is, takes one piece of a cake to which Murat comments: “I know how much you like this lovely type of cake, Bessières, take a second piece.” - “No”, Soult replies: “That’s not your cake. Take your piece and leave.” Murat adds: “For whom are the other pieces then? I don’t see anybody who would possibly want to eat this gorgeous baked good. We want to eat your delicious creation of a fabulous cake.” - “One piece each. You can give him your piece if you like to.” Bessières interrupts the two: “I am content with my piece.” Murat doesn’t listen to what Bessières says and continues his conversation with Soult: “My fellow maréchal, I don’t understand, why do you struggle so much with allowing somebody to have one additional piece of cake than the other ones?”

While Murat and Soult continue their dispute which leads to nowhere, one adc enters slowly the kitchen. He looks at Soult who recognises this man as one of Berthier’s adcs. He came to get a piece of cake for his marshal. Soult lets him take one of the few pieces left. All of a sudden, Kellermann seems to be chocking on his salty cake piece. All the maréchals are gathering around him and in the chaos, the last few pieces of Soult’s cake fall to the ground. Soult looks at his cake or what’s left of it. One could argue that everyone who wanted to eat it was able to eat it. One could argue that these fallen pieces can be ignored and Soult could go on with his day never ever thinking about the pieces again. However, we are talking about maréchal Soult here who sees the art in baking. The love, the accuracy of it. Today he didn’t just bring cake to his fellow maréchals. Today he witnessed how some of them have no sense of dignity for what it means to be able to eat good food. Good cake. Soult is leaving the room, not bothered about Kellermann as he wouldn’t be able to help anyway. He is going to his wife, his Louise Berg, who asks him about his day. He tells her the whole of it. How he was surprised by his fellow maréchals who wanted to bake a cake. How he knew that they are going to mess up his recipe. How he baked that cake properly and how a part of it went to waste. “Some of them ate oversalted and burnt cake. Who eats bad cake? Who likes bad cake???”

Davout on the other hand was thankful for Soult. With a smile on his face, Davout enjoyed his so desired chocolate vanilla cake, unbothered by the event surrounding him. The end. :)

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cadmusfly · 6 months

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#I have thoughts on Pokémon teams for some of the marshals omg pleaseee make a post about it i would love to read it <3

Made those tags on this post by @bambooale - and yeah, I love Pokemon ever since I played Pokemon Blue as a small child and named my Venusaur "AAAAAAAAA" so I definitely have pokemon thoughts!

I was thinking about answering this in the form of drabbles but I do have Assignments, but I am Tempted to write some silly fanfic about this at some point.

Edit: I wrote fanfic oops

Michel Ney and a Balloon

Young Murat and Bessieres and art by @apurpledust !!!

Anyway, using this page to put together pokemon teams for Lannes, Murat, Ney, Bessières, Soult, Masséna, Davout and Napoleon, and feel free to disagree or talk about your own thoughts!

Lannes

Dubwool, Ampharos, Aegislash, Diggersby, Ceruledge, Falinks

Obviously Lannes needs the two sheep(ish) pokemon in his team: Dubwool and Ampharos. Even if Ampharos loses its wool as it evolves, maybe he got it as a cute Mareep and still loves it.

The other pokemon are based on him as an infantry commander who participated in besieging fortifications - Diggersby for tunnelling, Aegislash and Ceruledge as... swords, ghostly swords who "fell before accomplishing their goal"

and Falinks, well, Lannes was known as the Roland or Achilles of the Grande Armee, Achilles was Greek, Falinks is kinda Greek-

but I was also thinking that Falinks fits Napoleon a lot as well, especially with seeing that drawing by bambooale-

What if Napoleon looked after Lannes' Falinks after he died?

Interesting thoughts.

Ney

Mudsdale, Pyroar, Armarogue, Talonflame, Lycanroc, Drifblim

The entire reason I started thinking about this was because I thought it would be extremely funny if Ney had a Drifblim because of the time a guy claimed to have invented a hot air balloon for battlefield reconnaissance, sold the idea to Ney and promptly disappeared with the money.

It would be even funnier if in Poke-verse, the guy sold Ney a Drifloon.

Mudsdale is because Ney started out as a hussar/cavalryman, Pyroar because "that man is a lion!", Talonflame is a brave bird that has the powerful recoil-causing moves Brave Bird and Flare Blitz, Midnight Lycanroc is red and loves to charge in, Armarouge is also red, loyal and gallant.

Murat

Rapidash, Milotic, Sylveon, Gallade, Sirfetch'd, Vanilluxe

Obviously a horse man needs a horsie, and a fiery unicorn is definitely up Murat's alley. As the beau sabreur of France, he also needs valiant swords-pokemon by his side, and also the most fashionable and beautiful pokemon with him, such as one that grows from an unassuming fish into a splendid creature and one that evolves with love and affection.

I was stuck on the last pokemon to give him. It's a bit anachronistic, but what if King of Naples had, uh, Neapolitan ice cream.

Sorry.

Also Rapidash and Sylveon go along with...

Bessières

Galarian Rapidash, Zebstrika, Swanna, Indeedee, Furfrou, Glaceon

Another horse man obviously needs a horsie, and look, I enjoy Murat and Bessières's friendship and shipping, I do like the idea of paralleling them with their Rapidashes and Eeveelutions.

I was thinking Umbreon because Umbreon is my favourite eeveelution and Umbreon evolves via happiness, but Glaceon's hair kinda fits and Bessières was described as seeming to be "cold". Ah well, I'm sure Glaceon loves him anyway.

Zebstrika is another horse, and Bessières is described as having eyes that "project lightning bolts". I think there's a description of his manor's lake having swans, and he did teach his men to swim at one point? Indeedee is a gentlemanly pokemon, and Furfrou, there was a claim that Bessières was a hairdresser at one point, and he does wear his hair in "dog ears".

Soult

Dachsbun, Appletun, Smeargle, Oranguru, Thievul, Skarmory

I could have filled this all up with baking jokes. Dachsbun, Appletun, Centiskorch, Alcremie, Slurpuff, uh, maybe I couldn't. Exeggcute. Anyway.

Soult had an appreciation for art and took some from the pieces that had already been looted, and I think with him being known for Strategy he might enjoy Smeargle's potential in learning Any Move. Oranguru is a teacher, Soult was a drill sergeant, same thing, right.

Thievul... Soult was not the worst plunderer but gained a reputation for being such. I was thinking a dark type to represent that reputation (as well as the Roi Nicolas thing) and tossing up between Liepard - as the Dalmatia coat of arms has leopards - and Thievul. But then I thought about the Duke of Wellington going "View Halloo! I have you now!" to Soult, years later, and the association of that kind of cry with fox hunting, and the legend of Wellington going fox hunting with French soldiers, and that clinched it.

Skarmory is because I wanted a steel type for Monsieur "Iron-Arm", a lot of steel-types I've already put aside for the obvious, and Skarmory is my favourite Pokemon. Their feathers harden in the thorny nests that they grow up in, that's totally like what Soult did at the camps of Boulogne right.

Masséna

Clefable, Klefki, Gholdengo, Persian, Sneasler, Grimmsnarl

I admit I got a bit stuck here.

Sneasler, Klefi and Grimmsnarl are inspired by Masséna as a smuggler before rejoining the army, with Sneasler helping out in the mountainous areas.

Clefable is based on thoughts of the "Dear Child of Victory" - I didn't want to use Legendaries here, otherwise there is Literally A Victory Pokemon - and I kinda characterise Masséna in my head as a gambler, so a pokemon with Metronome makes sense to me.

Persian and Gholdengo is because he did like his plundering and he was pretty salty about losing his "Livorno millions"!

Davout

Metagross, Bisharp, Lucario, Corviknight, Bastiodon, Swellow

Oh look this is where all the steel types went, to the Iron Marshal. I really wanted him to have Metagross and Bisharp as they'd make great buddies for a tactician and strategist, and then the other three steel types are also just cool for the goddamn Iron Marshal.

Swellow is purely because of the cute partridge story (and this is the second time I've referenced something @northernmariette has posted!). Swellow also has the ability Guts, where its attack rises if it is afflicted with a status problem. I think Davout is pretty gutsy, too!

Napoleon

Empoleon, Dragapult, Vespiquen, Clawitzer, Falinks, Braviary

Napoleon needs an Empoleon, the pokemon literally named after Napoleon.

Dragapult and Clawitzer are artillery pokemon. Vespiquen and Braviary are symbolic of the First French Empire, with Vespiquen's rulership over Combees being very fitting.

And Falinks could both represent the Grande Armee... and also be a remnant of his fallen friend.

Miiiiight write some fanfic for this if the inspiration hits and I survive this last week.

Thank you very much for the ask though! I leave you with a meme screenshot from the Pokemon game set in Pokemon France:

#apurpledust #napoleon's marshals #pokemon crossover #cad answers an ask #napoleonic au #jean lannes #michel ney #joachim murat #jean baptiste bessières #jean-de-dieu soult #andré masséna #louis-nicolas davout #napoleon bonaparte #napoleonic era #napoleonic wars #pokemon #napoleonic shitpost #long post #napoleonic pokemon au

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au-pas-camarades · 1 year

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remembering how to draw with low-res Masséna 😑

#napoleon's marshals #andré masséna

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joachimnapoleon · 1 year

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The entrepreneurial adventures of Marshal Masséna in Naples

Napoleon to Joseph Bonaparte – 2 March 1806

Masséna has robbed whatever he could. Let him be advised to return three millions. Salisetti [sic] will do this for you. Let him see Masséna, and tell him that S______ has formally admitted that Masséna received three millions as a gift; that, if they are not returned, in the accounts which I shall publish in May of the contributions levied by the army I shall debit him with this sum, and add the proofs, and name a commission of seven officers to oblige him to restore it. It is a very serious matter.

Napoleon to Joseph – 12 March 1806

I send you a copy of a decree requiring the sums of which the Treasury has been robbed to be repaid. Masséna and S______ have stolen 6,400,000 francs. They shall repay to the last farthing*. Let Masséna be advised to return the 6,000,000. To do so quickly is his own salvation. If he does not, I shall send a Military Commission of Inquiry to Padua, for such robbery is intolerable. To suffer the soldiers to starve and to be unpaid, and to pretend that the sums destined for their use were a present to himself from the province, is too impudent. Such conduct would make it impossible to carry on a war. Let S______ be watched. The details of their plunderings are incredible.

* I haven’t seen the original French version, but I don’t believe the French used farthings, so maybe the translator opted for this in place of sou?

Napoleon to Joseph – 20 March 1806

As for Masséna, S______ was desired to go to him, and I hope that he will restore all that he has taken from the military chest of the grand army; his theft amounts to 7,000,000 or 8,000,000. Make an example of some of the officers; do not even spare the generals.

Napoleon to Joseph – 31 March 1806

Four millions taken by Masséna have been found; two more must be recovered.

Napoleon to Joseph – 3 June 1806

Jourdan and Reynier are the two men whose services you should secure. Masséna is good for nothing as a civilian, he is incapable of attachment. He is a good soldier, but entirely devoted to money; it is the sole motive of his conduct, and his only incitement to action, even when under my eye. At first he coveted only small sums; but now thousands of millions would not satisfy him.

Source: The Confidential Correspondence of Napoleon Bonaparte With His Brother Joseph

#Napoleon #Joseph Bonaparte #André Masséna #Napoleon’s marshals #1806

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diagnosed-anxiety-disorder · 11 months

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Masséna's signature. That's the post, that's it.

IM WHEEZING SO HARD IT JUST LOOKS LIKE A BUNCH OF LINES

#andré masséna #massena #napoleon's marshals #napoleonic #this is so incharacter for him though

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araiz-zaria · 1 year

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Tanti Auguri

...well nvm I managed to scrounge up a few more selfies now 😏😉😺

Bonus below↓ throwback to the time when Masséna was in Spain 💀

#i got trouble with the generator so this was all I got 🙃#birthday post #happy belated birthday #andre massena #napoleonic #napoleonic wars #napoleonic era #barbie selfie meme #barbie selfie generator #it's crack o'clock folks #andré masséna #marshal masséna

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mandatorycommunistbrunchhour · 5 months

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Posting every day until the 2023 Napoleon movie

Day 10 (save the worst for the last)

All I do is listen to podcasts

Got the inspiration from this episode, i would summarize but I need to sleep

Here is the one sketch that I threw out, I was thinking about drawing Robespierre and a gendrebend Robespierre. Idk

I hope this was not too cringe 🥺 (these sketches are horrible practice 😂)

#napoleonic era #napoleon 2023 #my art #andré masséna #napoleon's marshals #napoleon #I hurried to finish this because I’m tired #Spotify #I should put a content warning for the amount of shitposting

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josefavomjaaga · 1 year

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Soult about Masséna

This is from Soult’s memoirs about the peninsular war. After describing the occupation of Andalusia, he comments on the next French attempt to conquer Portugal.

While the three army corps that had conquered Andalusia were employed in guarding it, the great military operations shifted to another theatre. The Emperor had recognised, by two attempts, that in order to conquer Portugal and force the English army into its last entrenchments, other means were needed than those he had employed up to that time.

Now, Soult obviously does not want to stress the point too much but this is surprisingly humble coming from Soult, considering that the “means employed up to that time” had very much included his person, and that one of the two failed attempts alluded to had been his own.

But no more of that – now it’s time for the big guns! And who would that be?

This time he neglected nothing to ensure the success of this great enterprise. Marshal Masséna was put in charge of it; his glory, ranking second only to that of the Emperor himself, designated him for such a mission. His keen eye […]

[…] would probably have noticed British forces crossing the Duero under his nose? Unlike a certain marshal Soult?

[…] and the vigour of his command were to give the impulse to a numerous and beautiful army, chosen with care. The authority of his name guaranteed obedience to his orders, a condition of success that too often had been lacking in Spain!

To which Ney probably commented, with regards to obeying Masséna: Hold my beer!

But I am somewhat astonished about Soult’s praise for Masséna here. I had had the impression that the two of them were not on the friendliest of terms ever since the siege of Genoa. But by the time Soult wrote this, Masséna was of course already dead. As a matter of fact, he had died while Soult was in exile. Maybe Soult regretted he had never had the chance to reconcile with him. Or their estrangement had never been that serious in the first place.

#napoleon's marshals #André Masséna #jean de dieu soult #michel ney #peninsular war #1810 #Spain 1811

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koda-friedrich · 1 year

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🇫🇷Happy birthday✨

#歴史創作 #my art #napoleonic #frev #Maximilien de Robespierre #André Masséna #happy birthday

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histoireettralala · 1 year

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Currently reading a biography of Juliette Récamier, and @josefavomjaaga Eugène made his appearance and stole a ring from her.

Masséna sneaked away with a ribbon by the way.

#books books books #eugène de beauharnais #juliette récamier #andré masséna

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flowwochair · 6 months

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pick ur trio: spain without the s vs gayscon

#napoleonic #napoleonic era #napoleons marshals #jean de dieu soult #joachim murat #jean lannes #jean baptiste bessières #andré masséna #michel ney #napoleonic shitpost #history shitposting #history memes

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percivallorraine · 6 months

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一节美术课

法兰西公学paro

把作者的oc ：科莱特·欧仁·德·托帕兹兰（Colette Eugene de Topazland）女扮男装化名成欧仁-罗素·德·托帕兹兰（Eugene-Roseau de Topazland)塞了进去

890/米哈伊洛是@mrsenglin 的oc，林奈是@bionicowl-mty 的oc

by Percival Lorraine

学生们排着队出现在美术教室门前，拿破仑走在前面，他带着一顶看着就很温暖的冬装军帽，帽子的两边挂下来，狗耳朵一样的捂着拿破仑自己冻红的耳朵。圣西尔站在最前面，他已经在口袋里摸索美术教室的钥匙，那串金属钥匙，有黄铜的，也有沾满铁锈色的，一个个形状奇异的钥匙堆砌成一排，更多的是银亮的，但是无论是什么颜色，什么造型，它们刚刚被圣西尔从教室前排的钥匙柜里拿出来，塞进口袋的时候，那温度简直是要冻掉人的指甲，圣西尔用那串捂热的钥匙，打开利落的打开门，学生们一个个进入教室，圣西尔站在门旁点着人数。

加上新生，不多不少。

圣西尔分发画具，像往常一样，贝尔蒂埃礼貌的向他道谢，圣西尔没有回应，他并不回应任何人，自然也没注意到新生也向他道谢了，他倒是第一次见到金色眼睛的人，但是并不觉得稀奇。

“你别紧张，他（圣西尔）对每个人都这样。”

贝尔蒂埃看托帕兹兰两只手合在一起，紧攥着手指，也不知是因为害怕还是寒冷。

“哦，哦，好，谢谢你。”

托帕兹兰把手捏的更紧了，他就这样盯着桌子，过了一会，他像只警惕的流浪猫一样抬起头，观察四周，很快就打铃了，林奈像往常一样掐着表准点到，不晚一分也不早一秒，两米多高的林奈稍稍低下头才能进门，到教室里，他直起腰，赤红的大眼睛扫视全班，很好，每个人都坐在他们该有的座位上，后排有学生在做小动作，但并不碍事。

不幸的托帕兹兰刚刚抬起头，就对上了林奈的眼睛，他的目光像个接到了烫手汤碗的佣人一样，飞快的躲开目光的金色眼睛，就像弹开的手指。

哦，这就是托帕兹兰啊，米哈伊洛曾经提到过他。

林奈这么想，除了金色的眼睛和苍白的脸，托帕兹兰看上去和其他的学生并没有什么特别之处，贝尔蒂埃稍稍偏过头，似乎在和托帕兹兰说着什么。

“这位是美术老师，叫林奈，你不要害怕，他人还挺好的。”

“好。”

托帕兹兰整理画具，颜料管被干涸的颜料黏在一起，硬的像铁块一样，托帕兹兰把他稍长的指甲伸进缝隙里面，小心的一点点分开，这些颜料外表看起来很糟糕，内里更是平平无奇，算不上粗糙，但是绝对不细腻——军校里美术不是主修，没人关心颜料的事。铝制的外壳，一部分瘪下去，一部分又凸起来，褶皱的末尾，就像未熨烫的风衣的褶皱，一层层堆叠起来，臃肿的像老者的眼睑，托帕兹兰的指纹上黏着为干透的颜料，这让他的手指接触到皮肤的时候，有一种触摸温热的沥青感觉，这或许有点令人反胃，托帕兹兰失落了一会，或许是害怕颜料蹭到军大衣上。

“桌洞里有围裙，或许你可以用。”

“不用了。”

托帕兹兰看着手上的颜料，一部分已经板结，像染血的卫生纸，但是更多的是被体温所融化，愈来愈粘稠，愈来愈接近于血肉的温度，他那双死灰一样沉寂的金色眼睛里，突然跃动了一点火光——这感觉真是太熟悉了。

“今天绘画的主题，还是大家自由发挥，课代表维持一下纪律。”

林奈坐到讲台前，把画板摆正，开始练习，圣西尔回到自己的位置上，开始画画，教室里暖气打的很足，学生们被冻的僵硬的手脚逐渐活络了，托帕兹兰和贝尔蒂埃坐在暖气片不远的地方，托帕兹兰把暗绿色的军大衣脱下来，搭在衣架上，露出里面穿着的内加绒厚衬衣，他架起一块稍大的裱好了画布的油画画框，退远了将它摆在视野中央，把椅子提的稍远一点，调色盘上挤了点蓝色颜料，调了色就开始打形。

他深吸了一口劣质颜料散发出的刺鼻味道，和松节油的芳香糅合在一起，太熟悉了，他好像从一堆窨井盖底下的泔水里捞回了黄金，粘腻的颜料不断的回溅到他的手部皮肤上，他随意的在画布上用手指纠正形体，涂抹细节，干涸的颜料板结在皮肤上，刻画出皮肤的肌理，画布上堆叠的颜料逐渐增多，背景的色调被一次次压暗下去，铺洒在画面上的是调和后的浅黄，物体被刻画出强烈的光感，就像处理器上开了曝光，提高了饱和度和明度的照片，人体的形状被勾勒出来，固有色的边缘一次次被亮色的颜料所覆盖，暗部和灰部被添加了细致的冷暖变化，随后是人物的五官，鼻头和两腮的血色，人手掌上的肌理，基本刻画完人物和背景物体，他转而处理闲置在一旁的鸟笼，大致在画布的左中，褪色的银丝一道道的立起来，锈色的铁屑参差的啃噬银边，真好啊，锈色的，铁屑，画笔！劣质颜料！他忽然感觉大脑一阵幸福的嗡鸣，长久的如同礼堂的回音，他好像回到了幼时学习油画的哪段时间——穷苦的晦暗日子里，铁皮房的屋檐下，穿着破烂的冬衣，被电动车送到灰暗的社区楼里，石灰的墙皮脱落了，露出灰质的内里，那些画笔还没有现在的好——都是炸毛的，损坏的，学徒们在这些七零八落的笔里面拣出一些能用的，使劲浑身的功夫挽救它们，但是他们是如此的高兴！就像被缪斯附了身，那些花鸟，人体，色彩，建筑，抽象的，具象的，汇在一起，忽然色彩爆裂开来，一切开始形状怪诞——就像萨尔瓦多·达利的涂鸦，痛苦的门牙，乖张的臼齿，红彤彤黑黢黢的张大的口腔，扭曲的神情——珂勒惠支的杰作。接下来是飞蛾的鳞翅，坎肩一般的绒毛，颤抖的呼吸的触角，他想起自己曾创作过的，被表彰的，被撕毁的，啊，我曾在艺术里找回了生命，我又丢失了它，现在我又找回了…是啊，是鸟，是生命，是金丝雀，是鸣叫，是哀歌，是露怯，是叫嚣的金黄，毁坏的翎毛…细节一点点展露出来——

托帕兹兰不知合适挽起了袖子，他的衬衣和手臂上满是颜料，手指每张合一次，就有颜料拖拽皮肤的感觉，围裙的事情被他抛之脑后，他只记得曾经穿着烂衣服的时候可以随心所欲的画画，毫无顾忌，满上衣的颜料，膝盖上因为要跪下来扣细节，被积满灰尘的地板蹭的满是脏污。托帕兹兰太关注了，根本没注意到教室里的同学在做什么：

与此同时，教室里的学生们逐渐躁动起来，贝尔蒂埃很认真的提笔修改细节，但他的画不尽如人意，基本功不扎实，画的东西看起来有莫名的诡异，但是比起大部分人要好，拿破仑画的东西很不幸的没有灰面，只有明暗两面，看起来就像被拍扁了，但他不在乎，马塞纳和后排的缪拉在画板的掩盖后面不知道在做什么，窸窣的讲话声被苏尔特暴力搅动松节油的声音盖住了。

“马塞纳同学，你在干什么呢。”

林奈忽然从画板后面抬起头来，马塞纳瘦削的肩膀耸动了一下，明显的危机感促使他把得手的钱狠狠塞进兜里。

“啊啊，没什么。”

马塞纳对付了两句，心里恨不得骂人，鬼知道缪拉给了他多少钱，反正傻子不会讲价，林奈重新低下头，缪拉顶着一头卷发的头顶又重新探出来，他把头发绑起来了，搭在肩膀上，用胳膊肘撞了撞大个子莫蒂埃，莫蒂埃的反应晚了半拍，他转过头，像缪拉微笑，又转回去，缪拉嘟着个嘴，见莫蒂埃不理他，又用胳膊肘撞撞贝西埃，贝西埃在研究肌肉走向，画的东西一股解剖学的味道。

“你怎么和你爹一样。”

缪拉冷不丁冒出一句，贝西埃偏过头，缪拉看见他一道浓黑的眉毛挑了挑，但是没说话，然后是挤眼睛，缪拉感觉贝西埃的眼珠子都要飞出来了，但是他似乎没感觉有什么不对，看着对方那张“你已经无可救药了。”的脸，蓝眼珠里充满疑惑，随后他从画具包的夹层里掏出一本漫画，自顾自的看起来。

“缪拉同学下课以后到我办公室一趟。”

周围一下子安静起来，缪拉手里的漫画被一只大手提走了，他这时候才注意到林奈站在自己背后，刚刚是贝西埃疯狂的在给他使眼色，那时候林奈已经在往他的位置走了，缪拉后悔不已，他满脑子都是自己被皮埃尔·缪拉冷眼，被让娜责怪的画面。

林奈把缪拉的漫画书拿走，又回到讲台前上，马塞纳趁着林奈背身的功夫点钱，才发现缪拉少给了钱，他差点没笑出来，算了，让让傻子，他都是缪拉了，你还和他计较什么？马塞纳收获了今日份笑料，林奈白得了一本漫画书，除了缪拉，其他人皆大欢喜。贝西埃捂脸为缪拉哀悼，他救不了他的好发小了，他能做的只有不让自己花巨资刚染的白头发粘上颜料。马塞纳继续涂抹他的画面，他的美术素养是个灾难，颜色和画面布局极其恶俗，他根本没在画画，就是在找乐子，乱糊的。

奈伊坐在后排，他隔着莫蒂埃的座位，什么都没看到，只听到学生们发出幸灾乐祸的哄笑，他没兴趣，也不屑于看乐子，他并不是无趣的人，于是他替圣西尔喊了一声“安静”，课堂没肃静多久又有稀碎的声音了，这是见怪不怪的事情。

“好了，时间到了，同学们停笔，按照座位顺序把作品放在教室后部的空地上。”

“好好好。”

拉纳第一个答应，他尾椎骨都坐痛了。

学生们围到画旁边，林奈拿着长教鞭，一个个点评。

“莫蒂埃的基本功有进步…贝西埃的解剖学，整体上很不错，这里的左臂三角肌有点移位，需要再修改，奈伊的素描，暗部再下重手一点，缪拉，缪拉？你画的这是什么？”

林奈的教鞭指了指素描纸上用炭笔画的鬼画符，托帕兹兰是有点想笑的，但他觉得不礼貌，虽然身边的确有些恶俗分子笑起来了，托帕兹兰的脑子里装的东西并不是正常人能想的，所以他能看出缪拉画了什么东西，他甚至觉得缪拉的抽象变形做的还不错——缪拉画了好多不同位置不同动态的鸟头人。

“我画的是老师您呀！”

缪拉骄傲的抬起头，托帕兹兰感觉他的卷毛都要翘起来了，随后除了贝尔蒂埃和托帕兹兰这几个，其他人都发出了海量的嘲笑，连奈伊都捂嘴呵呵的笑。

林奈沉默了，他深刻意识到缪拉这种青少年小混蛋的存在就是气他。

“马塞纳…你，需要修改的地方很多，我不细说了，如果你下课有兴趣，那就来问我。”

林奈知道马塞纳下课了绝对不会问，他现在说了马塞纳也不会听，所以多一事不如少一事，也不要多费口舌，这样大家都愉快。

苏尔特仍然在画里建设他的面包房，马塞纳发出嘲笑，被苏尔特狠狠的瞪了回去，面包房是用马克笔上色的，虽然型有问题，但是颜色很鲜亮温馨，林奈表示梦想可佳，赞美了苏尔特信手涂鸦的各色面包，随后开始看教室中部前排的作品。

拉纳画的东西和他一样是炸毛鬼，色彩全部容不到勾线的范围里，林奈提醒了他色彩的使用方针，顺便提了一嘴让拿破仑加上可怜的被他遗落在角落里的灰面。随后林奈点评了课代表圣西尔的画作。结构和造型很优秀，虽然不注重色彩，但是足以凭借他的天赋出彩了，林奈提出了几个圣西尔要注意的构思角度，（他知道圣西尔会听取意见），圣西尔冷漠的琥珀色眼睛这时候隐隐的攒动着光芒，托帕兹兰看着他的画，衷心的赞美他，他有点自卑，因为知道自己的短板，他很紧张，因为自己已经太久没有动过笔了。

“贝尔蒂埃的布局再分散一点，你太紧张了，画的有点紧促，拿破仑加上灰面（林奈又重复了一遍），新同学……”

林奈仔细的看画的细节，他看的出托帕兹兰的素养高于常人，画面的大部分是较为古典的暗调，金色的光辉流淌在桌面上，麦色皮肤的青年趴在桌上，松懈的怀里半抱着银边鸟笼，鸟笼已经生锈，赭石的铁屑掉落在桌上，青年的面容被一头深棕色的长卷发遮住了大部分，但仍可以看出稍有痛苦的神色，他的嘴唇就像会呼吸一样，小动物一样的翕张着，嘴唇里面的口腔是暗红的，阴影投在洁白的牙齿上，鸟笼里面的内容物很稀奇，因为那不是一只鸟，青蓝的背景色，扭曲的云彩，很多经过抽象变形过的，金丝雀的羽毛和翅膀零碎但具有美感的分布在鸟笼内部又互相有遮挡关系，鸟笼的一角隐藏着一只变形的飞蛾，一半是鳞翅目诡谲的图案，如同眼睛一般，一半是正面的飞蛾，林奈敏锐的认出是乌桕大蚕蛾。青蓝的色彩，和漂亮的图案，从鸟笼中流溢出来，一直流淌到桌脚，如同一个金色的梦。

“很不错和独特风格选择，虽然型没有出彩，但是色彩非常出彩，变形和抽象化做的也很出色，画的很好，托帕兹兰呢？”

“啊，老师我在这里。”

托帕兹兰早就被挤到最后面了，他在拉纳背后又蹦又跳的又重新挤回前面来。

“你是在哪里学的，学的很好。”

林奈弯下腰，他赤红的大眼睛盯着托帕兹兰，托帕兹兰涨红了脸，一下子支支吾吾的不知道要说什么好，他害怕别人看出他的出身而瞧不起他，也不好意思说自己根本没有接受过专业美术训练，全是在乡下不着调的小机构学的，（甚至算不上机构，因为只有几个人，后期还是他作为学长教的学生），这个可怜的农村人，双手粘的颜料一下子变成了黄土，手里的还捏着的扇形笔马上成了锄头。

托帕兹兰紧张过头了，反而让人觉得他要跳起来了。

“我…啊…我，我是就自己学的，但是也有老师带，但是老师…啊不，我自己当过老师…啊，也不能算，这个飞蛾是我…我…”

托帕兹兰的脸简直像个柿子，身边的人都纳闷了，画被夸了反而这个反应？他感受到这样被怪异的注视和审视的目光，反而更害怕露怯，他看了看他的同学，最后竟然急得捂住脸哭起来，他本来就被夸的太兴奋了，一下子守不住情绪了。

林奈感到很奇怪，圣西尔侧目看托帕兹兰，他心里淡淡的有点想和托帕兹兰搭话的冲动，但是又很快消下去。

“抱歉，老师，他太激动了。”

贝尔蒂埃叹了口气，他从后排挤进来，护着托帕兹兰出去了，出去的时候不忘拿着他脱下的军大衣给托帕兹兰穿上，缪拉往窗外看了一眼，托帕兹兰像个快死的猫崽子一样嘤嘤呜呜的，嘴里还含糊的说着自己对不起贝尔蒂埃。

熟悉的米哈伊洛随后赶到，两人把托帕兹兰带出了走廊，托帕兹兰看到米哈伊洛来了，又在那边魔怔了一样的说对不起。

美术课结束了，大家把自己的作品收好，托帕兹兰的画被遗落在地上。林奈抱着对作品的欣赏态度，把这副画拿起来。

“缪拉和我走，你们哪个人告诉一下托帕兹兰，让他来我办公室拿这副画。”

学生们散了，大个子莫蒂埃回过来把托帕兹兰的帆布包提走，圣西尔要锁门了。

#napoleon's marshals #chinese #literature #napoleonic wars #joachim murat #jean baptiste bessières #Jean de Dieu Soult #Gouvion St Cyr #André Masséna #oc

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armagnac-army · 2 months

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VOTE FOR A MARSHAL OF THE EMPIRE!!!

SINCE WERE NOT GOING TO APPEAR FOR AGES IN THAT OFFICIAL TOURNAMENT AND THE EMPEROR JUST GOT ROYALLED FUCKED THERE BY A VANISHED ROAST BEEF

HERES A BALLOT JUST FOR US MARSHALS OF THE EMPIRE!!

IN CASE YOU DONT KNOW WHO WE ARE WE'RE THE TOP MILITARY COMMANDERS PROMOTED BY NAPOLEON HIMSELF

AND WE HAVE REALLY BIG HATS

VOTE FOR WHOEEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT WHETHER THATS THE BEST OR THE SEXIEST OR THE MOST PATHETIC I DONT CARE

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO VOTE FOR ME THOUGH!!!

GO AHEAD AND POST ALL THE PROPAGRANDA YOU WANT, THE ADC WILL SHARE IT IF ITS FUNNY

SORRY TO MONCEY, JOURDAN, BERNADOTTE, BRUNE, MORTIER, KELLERMAN, PERIGNON, SERURIER, VICTOR, MACDONALD, OUDINOT, MARMONT, SUCHET, SAINT-CYR AND GROUCHY, MAYBE WELL HAVE A PITY POLLE LATER

#dispatches from the marshal #napoleon's marshals #napoleonic wars #napoleonic era

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europeposts · 3 months

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Place Masséna, Nice, France: The Place Masséna is a historic square in Nice, Alpes-Maritimes, France. It was named for André Masséna. Its layout was designed by Joseph Vernier in 1843-1844. The Place Masséna is the main square of the city. Before the Paillon River was covered over, the Pont-Neuf was the only practicable way between the old town and the modern one. Wikipedia

#Place Masséna #Nice #France

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cadmusfly · 3 months

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Analysing the Quality of Napoleon's Marshals With Silly Data Science

Let's talk numbers and laugh at funny graphs with missing data!

Other people in this fandom do really lovely detailed information posts, I do weird fanfic, dragon shitposting, body pillow design shitposting and run a stupid Lannes ask rp blog. But! I'm also a programmer with an interest in Numbers, and today we're going to Analyse These Dead Frenchmen with a bunch of screenshots of graphs.

Ethan Arsht published a really interesting article called Napoleon was the Best General Ever, and the Math Proves it., where using data scraped off Wikipedia articles, he creates a statistical model drawing from multiple variables per battle to calculate How Good A General Is At Winning.

Give the article a read, it's great stuff, but if you don't feel like it, he basically applies WAR - "Wins Above Replacement" - which is a value from baseball that measures how many wins a player is worth when compared to a replacement.

So the general's WAR would be how well they compare to a completely average general who replaced them. Yes, as Arsht says, "in other words, I would find the generals’ WAR, in war."

But as he says, this is not a stringent historical analysis and is more of a fun thought experiment. Wikipedia is probably the most comprehensive dataset on this topic that he had access to, but it is Wikipedia the crowdsourced online encyclopedia, so it is going to have holes and inaccuracies. And this was written seven years ago, and the data was collected then, so any updates to these articles since then wouldn't be reflected.

And it's not a perfect model that takes into account everything - it's an approximation, a whole bunch of number crunching. I haven't looked too deeply into how the numbers work exactly, even though I could.

I think that 0 would be "completely and utterly average"? A positive WAR is good, a negative WAR is not. Napoleon is the best general ever at 16.679 WAR, the next highest is Caesar at 7.445 WAR.

(Link, you can hover over each battle and look at each datapoint!)

But I'm interested in Napoleon's marshals. The 26 men he raised up to military nobility! The dramatic assholes who kept arguing with each other. I'll post links for all of them at the end of this, but I won't be screenshotting each of their WAR graphs, just a few.

I'm not entirely sure how the scraper collected the information about what battles a commander is considered in "charge" of - I tried looking at the provided code repository but I am reminded that data science people bless them are not really good at structuring or publishing code and why are all the html pages just straight up saved in the root folder why are the jupyter notebook outputs just uncleared aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Oh yeah this was scraped from seven years ago so current wikipedia pages won't be reflective of what's on the graphs - so we can assume that this is just grabbing stuff from the "Commanders and leaders" part from each individual battle page and collating them into numbers

Anyway let's look at the iron man himself, Davout, considered to be the best of Napoleon's marshals.

(Link)

Heh, here we see the first hole in the dataset - Jena-Auerstedt is considered to be one battle, and Napoleon would like you to think that's the case.

Anyway, pretty good! Let's look at Jean Lannes, the lively Gascon

(Link)

Oooooh, even better than Davout! Helps he didn't go to Russia. Wait, why is Aspern-Essling dated to before Ratisbon, especially when Lannes died in the former?

Let's look at André Masséna, also known as being pretty cool:

(Link)

Damn, neat, though I think there's a lot of omissions here.

Here's Murat:

(Link)

Lol Tolentino, I do like how Murat Peaked there a little bit

But we're forgetting a certain redhead, aren't we?

(Link)

Ouch. But also Waterloo not appearing there, hmmm.

Anyway let's finish off the screenshots with Napoleon's greatest strategist, Jean-de-Dieu Soult, the man that Wellington called a master of the defensive!

(Link)

honestly this is the entire reason why i wanted to write this post

in soult's defense - as a soult defender - he had a pretty shitty army full of conscripts, was isolated, was occasionally pretty bad at adapting tactically to new surprises and had to deal with the english being stubborn fuckers, but he was brilliant in setting things up strategically and forcing the english to catch up through a fighting retreat with a demoralised army, stopping them from closing in on france too

but also the way this graph bullies soult so hard makes me laugh a lot

Anyway, yeah, these graphs are definitely inaccurate and I'm also posting these to see the Napoleonic community on tumblr's reaction to them, but they are a fun way to engage with history!

Just don't take them seriously, and feel free to argue in the tags/comments/reblogs

I could theoretically use this guy's code to rerun this just for the Marshals now - I know my way around some data science code - but I do have a lot on my plate, but it would be a fun experiment!

Marshal WAR Graph Links

Note: So these are under the Wikipedia article names at the time that the web scraper was run seven years ago so some of these names turned out to be different from what they are now and I had to do a bit of digging to fix some

you can definitely tell that the information is incomplete on a lot of these, again i repeat the information was scraped off wikipedia seven years ago

Louis-Nicolas Davout

Jean Lannes

Joachim Murat

Michel Ney

André Masséna

Jean-de-Dieu Soult

Bon-Adrien Jeannot de Moncey (one battle lol)

Jean-Baptiste Jourdan

Charles-Pierre Augereau

Jean-Baptiste Bernadotte aka Charles XIV John of Sweden (Two battles and only Swedish ones I think)

Guillaume Brune

Édouard Mortier (two battles)

Jean-Baptiste Bessières (two battles)

François Christophe de Kellermann (one battle, Valmy)

François Joseph Lefebvre (two battles)

Charles-Victor Perrin (ouch)

Étienne Macdonald

Nicolas Oudinot (lol)

Auguste de Marmont (loll)

Laurent de Gouvion Saint-Cyr

Józef Poniatowski (three battles but hmm. pretty bad but feel like there's too much missing info here)

Emmanuel de Grouchy (two battles, can't make a Where's Grouchy joke)

Marshals Without Graphs Not because they didn't command anything but I couldn't find their graphs on the website or in the code repo

Catherine-Dominique de Pérignon

Jean-Mathieu-Philibert Sérurier

Louis-Gabriel Suchet (wtf? maybe seven years ago the documentation on him was sad)

EDIT: wait i was looking at the notebook (the uh place where the code was being run, to see if i could run the code myself)

soult is one of the lowest ranked generals overall on this initial list pfftHAHAHhahahahahahahaha

#napoleon's marshals #napoleonic era #napoleonic wars #napoleonic shitpost #cadmus rambles #cad rambles about dead frenchmen on main #jean lannes #louis-nicolas davout #joachim murat #michel ney #andre massena #im not tagging all of them #jean-de-dieu soult

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