#Also!!! didn't you go to bed??? SLEEP
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How could I pick one thing?? You are such an awesome human??
❤💚❤
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“Amore et Timore” - King Fernando I “El Animoso”
#*why is it that when I write tags that are genuinely imporant and wordy it always doesnt save UGH#well. ill try and rewrite them.#hahaha I bring you curly haired king Fernando!!(mostly for cofi)#2011 monza gp core Fernando that gripped us all by the throat right?? right????#also i hope that his hair doesn't appear red to you like it did to me on my pc??? its brown I assure you#anyways! historical context for nerds like me:#'el animoso'(the spirited) comes from Philip V of course#it was apparently bestowed on him bcs of his perseverance and unwavering fervor in battle#and is that not the most Fernando coded thing youve ever heard?????#'Amore et Timore'(through love and fear) however comes from Joseph I#whom seb is partially based on but i thought his Latin motto fit Nando way better so here we are#philip v didn't have a motto as far as i could tell so that's why I stole Joseph's#but i do think the motto for the Spanish kingdom fits Fernando's career pretty well?#'A solis ortu usque ad occasum'(from sunrise to sunset) and i think that suits Fernando's 'longest f1 career ever' p well#anyways I sent a sketch of this to cofi the other day like yeah I probably wont finish this#and now here i am on 5 am on a tuesday grinning manically sleep deprived like HERE YOU GO#i think he looks very cute in this!!! i really did a lot of work on his eyelashes...very important detail to me#he kinda accidentally looks like Louis XIV unfortunately#but thats down to his hair I think. it looks a lot more like the traditional wig style from then compared to what I typically draw#but god imagine being seb in this au!!! you get to wake up next to this majestic beast....#seb would have this painting framed over his bed or something. i mean who wouldn't????#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#f1 fanart#formula 1 fanart#catie.art.#boy king au
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Three of them
#fire emblem#feh#DIRECTLY INSPIRED by how sometimes i like to cheat in heroes journey and bring duo al/sharena LMFAOO#two of them and some other guy. idk when it happened it just integrated here.#world is a fuck born to tag along. this applies to BOTH moe and sharena i think.#it is so funny and so important to me actually that 'sometimes there's a third one' applies to both of them#anyways please please PLEASE read into the characterization in the poses bc i'm going to throw up. and cry#like fuck i'll do it for you actually LMFAO like moe is just silly. nosferatu ass. why do you sleep like that.#it doesn't like being touched a whole lot though. it's extremely picky about it. it's easier to hold a stuffed animal instead.#alfonse has a higher tolerance for touch but it's still situational. but when he touches he clings.#also. one hand gripping the plush goat ear. an acknowledgement of moe's boundaries.#and the other hand. lightly subconsciously holding on to a tuft of sharena's hair.#sharena has grown out of being super cuddly w alfonse but she will take any and every opportunity to 'steal body warmth'#she also directly mirrors him.#also i think whenever she shares a bed/sleeping area w someone she's a bed hog. she is pushing you off that thang#if you're not Willing to be smooshed by her. also. which is why alfonse is acting as a barrier here too LMFAO#like it's just a tiny doodle esp cause i didn't have the energy to do more but it made me ache so bad#that i threw up and exploded and died. badly.#fe alfonse#sharena#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
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I'm bout to go to sleep, but just want to say that I'm just very happy to have people be that sweet to me earlier today. @bluepallilworld, @eve416, and @shinechermont, you're all just some of the sweetest people I've ever met on here, and I'm glad to have you as friends.
#dragon talks#i ought to stop before i get all teary-eyed cause of just being sappy and tired#but i really do appreciate you all#and anyone else that I've considered a friend here as well#ah gosh#already feel like crying and i don't know why#guess it's sappy time before bed#also might be because I got my mom something that really made her happy#and it was free to take cause it was being given away#it made her so happy 😊#it was a Boyd's bear#albeit not in the best condition but she loves them and has a whole collection#didn't realize it was a Boyd's bear at first. just thought she'd like it when i saw it#anyway I'm going to bed now#enjoy the wholesome stuff if you've read this far#ya'll are amazing#hope your sleep is only filled with the happiest of dreams
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Another screencap redraw as I rewatch episode of all time (The Most Toys).
#geordi laforge#Star Trek: The Next Generation#star trek#tng#the composition of this shot is just very nice tho I did edit the painting behind him a bit to make the planet halo him better#thinking many thoughts. also just the fact that he has a random painting in his room. he doesn't own a lot of art#it's very hyperrealistic in the sense that it really just looks like a picture taken of a planet from a moon that orbits it#do u know where im going with this. it looks like data painted it. we know what data's paintings look like. data made that ive decided#like it makes sense with the whole thing about this episode how they think data's dead. its good#also the fact that when he's sleeping here. full uniform. didn't even take off his boots or combadge#i forget who exactly but maybe riker or picard who was telling geordi to go the fuck to bed earlier#you KNOW he was just up working trying to find what went wrong with the shuttle and then Conked Out#star trek will give us characters in pajamas if theyre SLEEPIN sleeping. u KNOW he wasnt#if he wasnt working himself to death they wouldve given us geordi jammies#anyway :(((((((((( episode of all time. put data in SITUATIONS.#FUCK kivas fajo#kill kill bite main destroy. they shoulve let data kill him. a a treat
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not a cursed child stan, not a cursed child anti, but a third, more pathetic thing (i've invested so much time and effort headcanoning and building the next-gen characters up in my head to the point that they feel too real so the idea of them experiencing any sort of harm makes me feel physically ill)
#tumblr user hazey-cosmic-jive finally makes a post that's (vaguely) related to the next-gen after months of silence everybody cheered#parasocial relationship with fictional characters go crazy!#it's so bad i remember i read a next-gen fic once where albus got hit with a really bad spell in the school corridor and almost died#had to be transported to st. mungos and everything#and i shit you not the stress purely from reading it made me almost vomit#i shed like 5 tears#couldn't eat couldn't sleep for the rest of the day#when i did sleep i literally dreamed that i was in the fic and i also died (due to unrelated purposes) and i met albus in the afterlife#and when we like “woke up” we were lying on the same hospital bed and for some reason ginny and hermione were there#and they were mad at me for some reason so they were screaming at me#mind you was albus being so fake#literally laying right next to me and didn't even bother to defend me as if we didn't just go through (literal) hell together 😒#not vintage
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YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO LUCY DACUS SHE LITERALLY SAID QUIT YOUR JOB CUT YOUR HAIR GET A DOG CHANGE YOUR NAME CHANGE YOUR MIND CHANGE YOUR WAYS GIVE THEM TIME GO BACK TO SCHOOL GO BACK TO SLEEP TELL THE SECRET YOU CANT KEEP BEGIN BE DONE BREAK A VOW MAKE A NEW ONE CALL ME IF YOU NEED A FRIEND OR NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN BUT PLEASE STAY PLEASE STAY PLEASE STAY PLEASE STAY
#ARE U FUCKING MENTAL???????????#this song is objectively heartbreaking especially with the backstory and favour + graceland too additions#but also after getting consistantly upset listening to this it's now actually quite. inspiring?#idk if that's the right word but this verse right here makes me rabid#like GO BACK TO SCHOOL GO BACK TO SLEEP!!!!!! IT'S OKAY OR IT WILL BE!!!!!!!!!#like if you feel like everything is too heavy and you dont know what to do then narrow it down to a smaller simpler decision#LIKE going back to bed. something manageable that isn't frightening#but also just the implication of that very simplicity like they could have gone back to bed but they chose to do that instead#it would have been so easy to just go back to bed. to leave it for even one more night. but they didn't and no one knows why or ever will#lucy dacus#song rec#the song is 'please stay' by lucy dacus btw
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Listen. Do I know it's a bad idea to go into the MDL comments? Yes. Do I do it anyway? Of course I do. I'm nosy. I want to see what disasters are happening in there.
#also thanks to that i'm able to see what users are lowkey bullying people for daring to not like the show#not even saying anything bad about the show but just offering honest criticism#and i get to block them#and maybe one day if i block enough users#the mdl comments will be safe for me#but also i don't want that because it's the lowest stakes drama ever#i'm not involved i'm just watching#they don't know me they know nothing#i don't post on mdl except once maybe twice and that's only when i'm looking for information#like who is this random side character or does this have a dvd release#but boy oh boy it's like watching the world's most unhinged train wreck#i can't even say it's the gayest train wreck because i do not think the worst offenders are even queer#i mean they might be but most of them have in their bio and have mentioned in their comments things that make me go#mmmmmm you're the problem i have with fandom coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool#say you're supporting the actors all you want but you're still on the internet bullying the actor's fans#i should really get ready for bed since i didn't sleep last night
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Ok btw my experience here has been awesome so far. This is truly the mental health care of the future, I have to believe that
#personal#the staff are so kind and understanding and fun to talk to and you can leave when you want to if you just tell someone when ur coming back#you can have your phone and the beds aren't fucking plastic rocks and no one is opening your door every 15min shining a light in your face#but if you need to talk to someone at 2 am someone is always there#Also it's all free of charge#There needs to be peer respite everywhere in the world ok#I actually didn't sleep terribly despite being in a new place. In the hospital I needed ambien lol#Oh and I was telling the staff member all my extremely detailed suicide plans last night half expecting her to be like#nope if you had plans you're going to the hospital#but all they really care about is if you can keep yourself safe atm and bc this place is awesome of course I can
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NEGATIVE TWO THOUSAND I'M
They all go to work and make ok wages in the sim world, but Vincent is an impulse buyer and Eric makes poor investments. Amon is the only frugal person out of all of them.
Amon gathers them for a discussion on how they'll get out of debt and keep having functional utilities. As well as selling some unneeded items (and freeing up space in the apartment they're sharing.)
Eric suggests doing sexy car washes for money instead of selling his 15 piece pro drum set.
Vincent suggests joining a fight club and selling candy pills in dark alleys.
...After a thorough three-way beatdown, the three bruised bachelors decide on pooling money each month for expenses from now on. Vincent sells his nunchucks (which he never learned how to use) and two of his toaster ovens, Eric sells an old guitar and some band tees, and Amon sells their punching bag. The punching bag was a mutually suffered loss.
Eventually they're done paying the debt owed, their rent for the month, and some utilities, and they learn to be a bit more responsible.
...They still beat each other up though.
#devarambles#amontag#vincenttag#rickytag#I never touched this on the blog but Amon and Vincent are pretty long held rivals. They're best friends now because they learned to respect#each other after a lot of exchanged blows. Now they're just cool :)#Vincent thinks that Ricky is cool. He doesn't say it but he can get behind Eric's confidence and swagger.#Amon thinks that Eric is a pretty cool guy too. He's easy to get along with and funny as hell. They've all got a fraternity house vibe goin#Amon sleeps in a murphy bed. He's huge. Dude snores like a thundercloud and is impossible to move once asleep.#Ricky and Vince both have separate bunk beds. Vince is dead silent when sleeping and Eric talks in his sleep. Eric moves around a LOT#hence why they decided on separate beds in the first place. Vincent refused to take bottom bunk (even though the bed was bigger) and eric's#sleep-thrashing and mumbling managed to wake him up- even with vincent being a super deep sleeper. “zzz... ayo... seven string...”#They're all kind of slobs besides Vincent. They have absolutely fought over that.#I REFUSE TO ABIDE BY YOUR PORCINE HABITS. CLEAN. CLEAN#YOU GODLESS BASTARDS.#“IT'S ALREADY CLEAN. I CHECKED IT THREE F U C K I N G T I M E S.“ 'YOU WILL EAT THOSE LITTLE BITCH WORDS SLIME BOY.” “It's clean tho-” “NO!#With Amon in charge of finances and Vincent in charge of home maintenance#Eric usually sets up the things they use. Groceries. Services and the like. He's also good at scheduling and keeping the dynamic moving.#They work well when they aren't being their worst versions of themselves huh go figure anyway#“Hey so they didn't have pickles-” “No!” “Let me finish- didn't have pickles so I got these fermented turnips-” “NO!!”#the sims gives me a lot of story ideas okay#it doesn't help that character interactions are the funnest thing ever
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my circadian rhythm needs to stop
#tried to go to bed at 11:30 last night#went to bed at 2#woke up at 8#laid in bed until 1#got up and ate lunch and did some school work#at this point i have skipped both of my med times#plan to go work out at 4:45 but i get sleepy around 4#decide to take a quick nap cause the gym is only 15 away#set an alarm and wake up at 4:30 but immediately go back to sleep#IN FULL CLOTHES WITH THE LIGHTS ON AND NO BACKGROUND NOISE#wake up at 7pm#work on some stuff buy a printer from facebook marketplace#it is now 9 and i have not eaten dinner#also do you know why i was so sleepy? BC I HADN'T TAKEN MY MEDS#MY DOCTER WAS SPECIFICALLY LIKE#'take your meds after lunch bc people tend to get sleepy after they eat and your meds will have worn off by then'#AND DID I LISTEN? NO#so not only have i not completed at the stuff i have to do for tomorrow#but i didn't work out like i wanted#and now it's too late to work out outside of the house#the only good news is that i have a newfound love of grilled cheese#i normally hate grilled cheese bc it's too bland#but i had really good grilled cheese today#gonna make it for dinner too#i've become a basic autistic bitch#anyway rant over#actually i could also rant about academia for a bit#but meh
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I've basically been moving non-stop all day for a week (except Monday when I went to the doctor, and then the antibiotics were mean to me), everything hurts, but hey at least my room is somewhat close to being finished!
now there's just everything else left to do....
I've also had to deal with builders and electricians and a painter and I don't remember who else every day this week. I think I did alright. didn't have a panic attack or anything, it didn't even make me very anxious. so that's good! but I want to be left alone for several months now please 🙃
#I'm sorry for not replying to messages etc. I'm SO tired#and I only have a phone signal in the living room.... which is where alllll of the boxes are. so I don't really spend time there#there's some people coming by from the ISP (again) next week. maybe they'll at least be able to tell us when we can expect to have internet#also we got our washing machine today!! I love it so much. I'm so glad we didn't take the old broken one with us. I mean it did technically#work in that it washed things. but if you have to constantly stand next to it to press a button every time it gives an error messages that#is not very convenient#we put my bed in my room today!! so I'll get to sleep all on my own for the first time since January 😭 I'm so excited#I love the cats SO much and I'll still let them sleep in my room sometimes (once the rest of the apartment is safe for them to go into)#but man I already have so many issues sleeping. I just need to be alone in the quiet and without two cats literally walking all over me#I can't wait 🥰#and I'd love to be able to sleep in the same room as my husband all the time but my god his snoring has been driving me absolutely insane#these last few days#personal
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i may have realized that harlot is actually going to be very difficult to ship with IUHRGUIEGTKJR
#they're so painfully slow burn...................................i'm so sorry#me learning the nuances of how harlot interacts w/ ppl outside of my head: oh. oh you're not like you were supposed to be#harlot: i don't wanna fuck i want to sing and fight and maybe be crushed by a hydraulic press#LIKE THAT STILL FITS THEIR ORIGINAL DESIGN BUT??????? I THOUGHT THEY'D BE MORE DTF#even if /i/ don't wanna fuck my muses usually do UIGRHETIURYJ#shakes harlot. did i break you by giving you your specific brand of trauma and half-divine blood that can kill demons#in hindsight yeah that was fucked up of me im sorry i ruined your potential sex life buddy#i need to sleep#i didn't become aware of how much i was fighting my sleep meds until i started talking to someone and i went oh. oh no#and now this post is also a good reflection of why i should be in bed rn instead iuwghretjk#FUCK TUMBLR STILL DOESNT REMEMBER MY OOC TAG#* ooc: let's go lesbians!#TRYING AGAIN
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ohhhhhh my god my lead actress's big brown eyes...... girl you're killing me......
#and my male lead is quite literally blonde with blue eyes it's ridiculous#he's ok tho. actually i did find out today he played clarient in marching band in hs#so that's a red flag but hey i just need him to act and he's been pretty great at it. red flags are allowed <3#he also got us our other guy we needed for some small scenes. so he's been invaluable despite the serial killer eyes#in truth he actually looks lke a panda to me. there's nothing wrong with his serial killer blue eyes i'm being mean#sorry for being anti men who play clarient. in my defense i've known those guys and i have never met one that didn't annoy me a little#anyway. she has beautiful big brown eyes and he is there. and our other guy is beautifully tragic and doomed <3#that was my criteria for casting him. i said 'he needs to look beautiful and tragic' and then we found him#he did great today. i don't know if he likes me but he showed up and he wore all the outfits i told him to wear so#actually i think i act weird around good looking men. i think it's because once a hot guy is around i get one notch lower on the hierarchy#and i'm usually up there. frankly. so i don't like being lowered...#i mean you guys will see what he looks like eventually i'm gonna post the link to the film when it's done and i'm graduated#but he's Hot. i was scared of him for a moment. he was wearing sunglasses. and then i made him walk up a bigass hill#and then i made him be in vaguely homoerotic pictures. his words. he didn't seem to mind there were jokes had. jests even#and tomorrow at 11am im gonna make him stand on a bed and put stars on a wall while yelling at him to smile and look pretty#and well. that's awesome. heirarchy is restored once we all remember that i'm the guy in charge......#anyway. i had an eventful day. 8am to now. i gotta go to sleep girls.#unfortunately that's not happening soon due to i've committed myself to reviewing today's footage. ok
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"all this foreshadowing abt declan dying and then he didn't even die" well personally i think declan got murdered dead by mstief in greywaren so. actually 2 me he did die. Badly.
#like sorry 2 to say it but also not sorry the declan i know would never do to matthew what he did in gw..#like obviously he has done some shit stuff to matthew (and ronan as well. this to mean ronan did shit stuff irt matthew as well not declan#did shit stuff to ronan. though he very much did and vice versa but like not the point here.) BUT i know he would NEVER strip matthew of his#autonomy like that and NEVER for so long. like i didn't write declan lynch as a character but also i know he wouldn't do that. that's his#baby brother........and i know he feels like matthew robbed him of his youth and his life and whoever he would've grown up to be but HE JUST#WOULD NEVER....i know this....like sorry but that is the most awful fucked up shit to do ever in the entire world. someone depends on you#and looks up to you and trusts you and you take away the thing that keeps them awake??? i'd even say the thing that essentially keeps them#ALIVE bc without a sweetmetal dreams aren't really alive they're just sleeping for eternity which is a kind of death. LIKE......#that just baffles me so much u just have to be soooooo uncaring to do that....like if he just did it in the moment of anger - snatched that#pendant off matthew's neck so he fell asleep and declan wouldn't have to deal with him anymore and then immediately afterwards was like.#what have i done this is so fucked up to do to someone. and put the pendant back on matthew. and apologized prefusely for it. that would#have still not been fine but in bouts of anger ppl do stupid desperate things that negatively affect others and it would've been#considerably less fucked up than it is now. like declan kept that pendant away for UP TO TWO DAYS. he drove the whole way back put ronan#somewhere safe carried matthew out of the car and into the house carried him upstairs into the bedroom and put him in bed went back#downstairs went outside locked the car went back into the house ate showered slept woke up ate breakfast again go through the whole day and#NOT ONCE did he think to himself oh this thing i'm doing is genuinely horrible i can't just take away someone's like. awareness. like that#& went to go 'wake' matthew????? NOT ONCE????? ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS???? NOT ONCE IN THOSE ONE AND A HALF OR TWO OR POSSIBLY MORE DAYS???#also just the whole. turning into his father thing. HARD NO. u mean the same declan who hated his father for very right reasons and hated#what he did to the entire lynch family both while he was alive and after he died the same declan that hated all the trading and buying and#selling dream things business and just that underground market in general (that btw. put the family he had left in life-threatening danger.)#the same declan who hated his father for dreaming a more perfect and loving unconditionally copy of his actual mother (rightfully so.) went#on 2 go into the exact business he always hated w/ a fiery passion?? ur also telling me he invited his father's killer to his wedding? fake.#trc#greywaren#<- needs its own tag bc i'm not putting it in the same category as call down the hawk my beloved call down the hawk.#anyway. that entire essay in the tags can be summarized w/: who declan ended up as & his entire arc is SO shit i hate it sm peace n love 🙏#as i've said before. me: mom can we have declan lynch? mom: no we have declan lynch @ home. declan lynch @ home: declan lynch in greywaren.#<<<<< full experience of reading gw. 2 me. ARGHHHH AOUGH THE POTENTIAL IT HAD THE POTENTIAL IT WASTED... IT'S ACTUALLY SO SAD....
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.
#god! why is having a meltdown the most embarrassing thing in the world? even a day later#i hate beeing aware of every single thought and feeling i'm feeling while not being able to put a finger on what it is#and also being aware of every feeling and thought people around me are probably having#and then not knowing what the fuck to do to stop them from acting angry at me or just not talking to me at all#i know seeing someone going completely insane is not a fun feeling for people but i'm not doing it on purpose#could we pretend it didn't happen when it's over?#it's not that i'm not telling you what's going on in a calmed manner because i hate you and want you to worry#i'm not talking because i CAN'T and even if i could I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING#i spent all day yesterday trying to avoid having a meltdown and when i finally failed#i was crying by myself in silence not bothering anyone#but of course my mom seeing me cry made my anxiety and embarrassement spike and then my brain was gone#so not being able to explain to her what was going on made HER upset with ME and i just couldn't deal with that so i had to go to sleep#but i woke up today and she's being so cold to me and i can't help but feel guilty because I KNOW it's because of me that she's like that#and there's nothing i can do about it#i want to apologize but i literally don't know what to pologize for cause i didn't do anything wrong?#i don't think i did? and what's the point of apologizing if i don't think i did something wrong?#i'm not going to be those people who say ''i'm sorry you feel this way'' cuase that's not an apology!#i fee like shit mentally. physically. emotionally AND have to deal with my mom acting angry and offended and cold#idk what to do#i should have stayed in bed#but no... i'm ranting on the internet#angel talks#personal
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