#AVERAGE GRINDR EXPERIENCE.
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Well it's come up multiple times today so I'll make a post about it.
I think the popularization of the word "twink" has ultimately been really bad for people in general.
I know it's hard to track the positive and negative effects of language but I don't think it's hard to see how creating a word for a group of people wherein the most consistent qualifying trait is "being skinny" is healthy for people's self image. Obviously people have lots of ideas about what it means to be a twink- gay, lacking body hair, feminine, beautiful, young, white- but the most consistent descriptor I've seen is "skinny." Hell, it's even a body type on Grindr; the size below "average."
So it kind of functions as a code word in the gay community: anyone can say that they're only interested in twinks and they don't have to look shallow by saying they only like skinny guys. It's such an accepted attitude that no one really bats an eye when they hear it.
I'm not even going to get into how it's become part of the larger issue of people turning "top" and "bottom" into gender roles 2.0, but that is closely related, because people with any internalized homophobia can look at a skinny, feminine man and turn off their fag alarms by viewing him as a woman or not a "real" man, and it makes twinks more acceptable to society at large.
No, ignoring all of that, one of the biggest issues is that gay men are taught by society that they are only attractive while they are skinny. Just having the label "twink" reminds a boy that people are looking at his body and judging it. There were countless times when I was growing up that people would tell me, "You're such a twink," or argue about whether or not I qualified as a twink because I had body hair. People around you, unpromted, judge your body and give you a label based on it, and that label has a large influence on whether or not you're seen as objectively attractive. I know many other gay people who say they wish they were a twink so they could be more attractive to guys.
So think, you have all these kids growing up being told whether or not they qualify as a twink, and then we have the gay community as a whole where it's completely acceptable to say you're only attracted to twinks. I think its because of all of this pressure to be a twink (in other words, to have a below average weight) that many of the gay people that I interact with struggle with a negative body image or eating disorders.
I mean, people talk about "twink death" like it's an actual event that makes a gay man much less attractive, and no one thinks that, maybe, it's harmful to tell a guy that the very day he stops being young and thin and pretty, he will stop being attractive and celebrated?
I'm not qualified to speak on fatphobia in physical queer spaces because I don't have the ability to frequent them where I live, but I can't imagine that these aren't issues at social gatherings as well. I also can't speak on my own experiences with weight discrimination because so far in my life I have had a naturally thin body, but I have experienced a lot of outside pressure to be thin that have caused me to pick up unhealthy eating habits to reduce my weight in fear that I could become fat later on. Thankfully that is something that I've mostly been able to work past. I'm not an expert, but idk, I just wanted to rant on my silly tumblr blog.
Obviously it's impossible for a word to be inherently bad. I'm not trying to imply that saying "twink" is a magic word with evil powers. Obviously the real issues at play here are fatphobia and harmful beauty standards and body shaming. But in my opinion, the popular use of the word twink has made it much easier and acceptable to express fatphobia, etc, in the gay community by turning "skinny person" into a "type of guy that you should try to be so you can be attractive."
#i know i sound annoying and woke but this is my blog and i can post whatever i want :3#theres so much more to say but this is long enough as it is#no ones gonna read this anyway#gay#queer issues#fatphobia#cw ed mention
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it makes me so happy when i see that my trans-centric guides are being linked in practictioners' and support resources, and when people tell me they're using those resources in groups and stuff 😭
like the thing is i was talking w my bf the other night about how i really don't want to be A Trans Essayist bc i fucking hate how those ppl are treated and like
i do not want to be a guy who's known for. being a trans guy and writing about transness only
i already get the occasional "kill yourself" bullshit or people whining about how as a trans dude i'm obviously a misogynist and i'm personally upholding the patriarchy personally, and that's mostly from like. other queer people. i'm not even that visible to cishets, thank fuck
like i love writing trans guys and i love being a trans guy and being in community w other trans guys but like. fuck me lmao. idk there's a handful of trans dudes that do write more gender stuff and tbh i think half of their takes are garbage
but you know that's the basis of essay writing in a highly personal field, like. they're all from personal perspectives, they're all biased, we all have our own POVs and experiences that influence our writing and stuff
and idk there's that vague feeling of there being A Responsibility to do this kind of work in formal essays but like. i'm not an activist and i'm not an activist on purpose. i'm just a slutty gay dude who writes erotica and romance and fantasy, and i like being that
and idk the thing is like... bc i present myself as a gay dude in most spaces and don't talk about being trans, it's not the same as going stealth bc i'm open in some spaces and it's not at all a secret that i'm trans, i'll often talk about it in convo when it's relevant
but like. your average cisgender person (esp cishets) will have no idea i'm trans, having heard of my work as an author. like they'll just think i'm a dude that writes romance and fantasy. and i don't really want to give that up by being The Trans Guy to cishets
bc the work i've been doing has mostly been valuable specifically to trans guys (like the Grindr guide) or has been focused not on feelings or gender or experience but on physicality and practicality (like the vulva guide or the dirty talk one), it's remained relatively separate
idk, i'm writing a lot more non-fiction atm but i'm often torn between doing stuff specifically for trans dudes or for a more general audience, bc like. the former is so much easier and more chill, bc other trans men don't expect me to cut myself into pieces for them
it sometimes feels like everyone who isn't a trans man or masc DOES expect that. it's the price you're expected to pay for being a gender traitor or whatever where you're meant to act as a fuckin. gender sin eater and i'm not remotely interested in doing that for some cis people
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Just in case anyone is wondering what the average grindr experience is like
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As a lesbian, THANK YOU! It seems like most gay guys are either ignorant of lesbian culture at best or openly lesbophobic at worst, and it's just absurd to me because I know from personal experience how much we have in common and the deep spiritual connections that come from true fag/dyke allyship. Anyway I will defend faggots to my dying breath
💕💕 no you’re absolutely right and I honestly think it comes from the fallout of assimilation. Far too many of us think of gay men as one-note, basic. Masculinity in gay men is seen as a cringy manifestation of internalized homophobia, femininity is seen as you not working hard enough to suppress your faggotry (And yet both can still be really sexually desired lmao). People think bears are just hairy guys and drag just exists for fun TV and brunch. There’s the classic late 20teens tumblr truism that gay men are “still men”
And it’s this series of errors that draws a rift between gay men and lesbians imo, because the average gay guy doesn’t think he can relate to lesbian gender fuckery and sexuality. But if you literally reflect on your internal reality for more than 30 seconds, outside of the world of being a straight woman’s gay best friend or writing your Grindr bio, you’ll realize we are juuuuust as complicated as every other LGBT person. And there are.. SO many parallels between us. Idk if that all made much sense but 👍🏻
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It’s my fifth conversation about Jonah Hill in a week and I’m beginning to question my purpose on Hinge. Newly polyamorous, fresh to the dating app scene, and grappling with Prompts for the first time, this is the moment I realised how Groundhog Day-boring dating apps can be. That, and the fact I have altogether zero interests beyond my favourite celebrities.
Despite my own earth-shatteringly dry conversations I have shared on these apps, anyone who follows @beam_me_up_softboi can confirm that online dating today is an absolute shitshow. So much so that there is a dictionary of lingo explaining the bizarre set of behaviours that have emerged since dating became chronically online – ‘ghosting’, ‘greyrocking’, ‘cookie jarring’, and the more Hansel and Gretel ‘breadcrumbing’. But how much of this is down to the way these dating apps are designed? And what does the experience look like for users still sticking it out on dating apps for love?
Today, if you want to meet someone online, you’ll likely head to one of the biggest players first. Badoo, Bumble, Grindr, Hinge, Plenty of Fish, Tantan and Tinder are among the most well-known, though there are hundreds, all with different and often overlapping approaches to design. Your “average” dating app tends to put a particular emphasis on user pictures, for example, but each does it differently. Where Grindr, the pioneering gay dating app, features a three-across grid of scrollable profiles, apps like Tinder and Bumble – an app where women “make the first move” – tend to show one profile at a time, like cards stacking on top of each other.
What makes a successful dating app is hard to pin down, but it often comes from a mixture of finding an untapped gap in the market, and luck. The most successful and enduring apps also have a knack for design, which we can see by tracing the evolution of the market. Every few years, one player will introduce a design feature that not only cements its place in the industry, but feeds into the way we socialise.
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💦👃🦴👙 !!!! for mrs elise and two (2) others
I'm going to go with Roz and Freddy for the 2 others (thank you random number generators)
💦 : Is your OC’s attractiveness based on looks or a more intangible aura?
So I find Elise extremely hot, but she's definitely outside of the narrow box of what is considered conventionally attractive. A lot of her appeal is based on vibes and charisma. Rosalind was originally conceived of as being slightly frumpy, but I accidentally made her extremely hot and sexy, so her attractiveness is now based on looks. Freddy is hot To Me, but again -- I think he's a little bit outside of the mainstream conception of hotness. Once again, we'll say it's based on intangible aura!
👃 : Does your OC smell good? Do they have a signature scent?
Would you be mad if I said all my OC's were canonically stinky? They're not, but would you be mad? FINE since you're insisting I actually answer this question >:( I will. Elise is not the sort to bother with perfume, but she definitely smells nice. She's been using the same fancy face creams since she married into the royal family and received a functionally unlimited budget for her wardrobe and personal grooming, so she has that very clean, elegant smell of high-end face creams. Rosalind is the type to wear perfume, but I don't think she does--I think she probably finds strong scents dreadfully common, so she smells like whatever deodorant and shampoo she uses. Let's say tea tree oil? Freddy strikes me as the kind of guy who does wear perfume/cologne...for fun, we'll say that he collects different scents and wears most of them maximum twice.
🦴 : Does your OC have much sexual experience? What are they like?
As a young woman, Elise was pretty sexually active, almost exclusively with women. I don't think she had a ton of serious relationships, but she definitely got around. Before meeting Mary, Rosalind had a lot of short-term relationships, lasting an average of 6 months. She did not have a Slut Era (tm) the way Elise did, but I think she turned a lot of romantic and sexual prospects off by going immediately to "And You Shall Be My Future Bride." Freddy is a slut, although he's recently deleted grindr off his phone!
👙 : What kind of underwear do they use? Is it pretty or functional?
How dare you ask me a question to which you already know the answer. Elise wears extremely practical and unsexy underwear. And that kind of confidence is actually extremely sexy if your head's screwed on right. Rosalind's underwear is on the pretty side of practical, although I think she has a thing about always having her bra and panties match, which bumps her underwear up a few points on the sexiness scale. Freddy probably has about 800 pairs of a particular kind of boxer brief. You tell me if that's sexy or no.
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and they're gone
I've maybe lost two people in the last few weeks.
First, it was E. She is probably my best friend on Earth. A bit like what mum was supposed to be. A bit like what an older sister would've felt in different circumstances. But a bit like a high school classmate in love with you, you don't know why and how and you just can't answer this kind of thing. A very complicated relationship that probably changed my life.
E. was the first person that made me feel I was accepted for who and what I am. Actually, the first person that accepted me, even though I didn't know who I was and what I was supposed to accept of myself for myself. So, yeah, E. is fucking important.
Don't worry, she's also pretty much alive, she's just not answering my text and calls. I won't go into the details of what happened, but our relationship deteriorated swiftly this year. A big part of it was my inability to reconnect with her after a breakdown and a fight we had. A much more significant part was her demons from the past that fucked her up to an extent where she was unable to even talk about some stuff.
Anyways, the end result is that for the last few weeks E. is gone from my life. The few texts we exchanged were about how she needs some space to work on her pain and that even trying to talk with me about it was a trigger for a mental breakdown.
Part of me goes "Fuck you, E., grow the fuck up and finally deal with all of it". Another part of me is like "Yeah, I'm good at fucking people's mental health to an extent where even talking with me is a trigger, so just stay away, save yourself!". But there's the part of me that I give the least airtime to and it is in the tune of "this makes me feel like fucking crap, cut it and let's do some wild shit together again".
Truth is, I was always a bad best friend, or at least not good enough. I am loyal and I like helping and listening to my friends. I do whatever is necessary but I don't do well with emotional support, expressing my love for my friends, etc. In the case of E. this is amplified by my underlying fear that she's in love with me. If true, this would be inappropriate in various ways and I'm not even talking about me being gay-ish.
Now, as usual, I feel like I need to do something - call, text, go there and drag her ass out to talk. I know that's not a good idea, I know whatever happens is not actually about me and I also know I can't help E. And this makes me feel even more like shit.
On top of it, it's now a month since I stopped dating M. Look, M. is amazing, he's the best man I've met. He's supportive, smart, annoyingly kind, and hot, and I was in fucking love with him. However, he was already in a weird long-distance relationship that made whatever was going to happen between us doomed.
When we met I thought he would be a nice fuck buddy while I tried dating around. However, just a few weeks into it, I lost interest in dating anyone because I felt we had something nice. For once I didn't think much about it, I was just into it, enjoying myself and the nice chap that was so into me.
Then, I don't know exactly how and when it happened, but we were into each other. That made things complicated but it also felt good. I felt good with this guy, so good that I was comfortable crying in front of him. That was a brand new experience for me in such a relationship. I then realised how deep I was, I think he also discovered the same.
Obviously, he told me we needed time to think about what to do and what was going on. During this time we cut our communication. From texting each other first thing in the morning and right before bed to nothing. Cold turkey band-aid removal with withdrawal syndrome right after it.
In the last few days, I feel like there's again a void inside me. Honestly, I didn't pay much attention to it. However, reaching an average of about 6 hours of screen time on my phone is a sign something's not right. Much of this time was spent on Grindr, reaching out for random sex that most often doesn't really happen. Both are things that distract me from the void but don't help me fill it.
I was always uncomfortable requesting things for myself. Going to someone and just being "take care of me" or "love me" is something that... Even the idea, and the writing of these words, make me feel uncomfortable. So, feeling like shit and needing someone to love me and take care of me, at least emotionally, is something I don't know how to handle.
All of this is just to say somewhere I feel lonely. I also feel tired and a bit afraid. I may never say such a thing out loud, but typing it feels refreshingly mortifying.
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I'm still a firm believer in the fluidity of human sexuality. And this has no real basis, but I would stake my claim on ~40-45% of your average straight men having formative experiences, childhood fascinations, and even passing crushes not recognized as such, on someone of the same sex. I'm talking something as simple as a guy raised in a hyper heteronormative environment seeing Disney's Robin Hood and getting a funny feeling. This is not taking into account the veritable dozens of DL married men or otherwise "straight guys" that frequent Grindr and such.
It has made me a little more wary of making fun of straight guys who get off to gay porn. Don't get me wrong >be straight guy (twelve more lines of green text) >a twink in lingerie is riding me is incredibly funny. But I also think it flattens some guy's tires on the road to acceptance of themselves. Also now I think orientation play is hot so whoops
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Updated | Best FREE dating sites and apps for 2023
Ask someone what their best dating site is, and the answer will be as different as the person.
Why? Because some people are looking for hookups, some are looking for love, and some are looking for something in between.
So what are the best dating sites? We’ve broken them down by category so that no matter what you’re looking for, you’ll find it in this list of the best sites to use in 2023.
It's never been easy to find a partner, and challenges from COVID-19 have made dating even more complicated. Luckily, even if you're not getting out as much as you used to, online dating sites and mobile dating apps can help you make connections that lead to a long-term relationship (or even a fun fling!). Yes, the internet is a wonderful thing.
But where to start? There are lots of good dating websites and apps, whether you're looking to meet new people, try casual dating, find others with similar interests or finally find your ideal match for a long-term relationship. I took into consideration everything from each online dating service's dating pool to whether it provides daily matches to whether it's a free dating app or a paid service. A new person that fits your exact dating profile is sure to be out there!
Best for serious relationships – Eharmony
Best for university-educated singles – Elite Singles
Best hookup site – AdultFriendFinder
Best for busy professionals – Itsjustlunch.com
Best over 50 site – SilverSingles
Best casual dating app – Bumble
Best new dating app – Hinge
Best sugar dating site – Seeking
The best dating site for Jewish people – JDate
Best married dating site – Ashley Madison
Best catholic dating site – Catholic Match
Best international site – Zoosk
Best subreddit for dating – Reddit R4R
Best free dating site – OkCupid
Best Asian online dating in the US – AsianDate.com
Best for help with dates – Match.com
Best over 50 dating site in the UK – OurTime
Best site for Christians – Christian Mingle
Best for brief encounters – Tinder
Best for African American dates – BlackPeopleMeet
Best LGBTQA+ women dating app – HER
Best for intellectuals dating – CoffeeMeetsBagel
Best for gay hookups – Grindr
Best for Canadian dates – Plenty of Fish
Best luxury dating service – The League
1. Eharmony – Best for Finding a Serious Relationship
Eharmony has brought together millions of couples—in fact, 438 users get married to someone they met on the website every single day. The data backs this up: a 2018 study named eharmony as the site most likely to lead to a happy relationship.
On the site, you’ll answer extensive survey questions. This “Compatibility Matching System” uses more than twenty years of research to then present you with online dating options. This selective, data-driven approach makes eharmony a good choice if you’re looking for a serious relationship. You can read our full eHarmony review here.
2. Elite Singles – 85% of Members Are University Educated
Elite Singles has a highly educated membership, so it’s a good choice if you’re looking for good conversations: 85% of its members have above-average education, while 90% are over 30, adding life experience into the mix.
The site uses an algorithm based on your answers to a questionnaire to match you with other singles. It’s primarily used by those looking for long-term relationships, including internationally – it operates in 25 countries.
3. Itsjustlunch.com – Best for Busy Professionals
It’s Just Lunch sets you up with a matchmaker when you sign up. In a phone call with them, you’ll answer questions about yourself and your goals for romance.
These matchmakers then find you a single match at a time, sharing only first names. They’ll arrange the time and place with your match (this can be for lunch, drinks, or brunch – depending on your schedule), and you just need to show up.
Afterward, you’ll give feedback to your matchmaker to get better dates in the future.
One benefit of the service is that it doesn’t waste your time. The people you date are hand-selected by a person who understands what you’re looking for, and the short dates are a good way to meet in person without spending too long with bad fits.
4. SilverSingles – Best Over 50 Dating Website
Among the dating sites for people over 50, SilverSingles has been around for 19 years. The service verifies each profile by hand, ensuring that its users are authentic and safe.
Based on a personality questionnaire and what’s important to you, you’ll receive matches based on your location, plans, goals, and personality.
You can use SilverSingles on their site or via their app. Basic memberships are free.
5. Bumble – Best Casual Dating App
Bumble is unique among the apps because it lets women make the first move. Men can’t contact women until the woman has already reached out.
The app connects well with social media, including Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, so you can show different facets of your personality. You can also verify your profile so you can filter other users by who is verified as well.
Bumble’s best for casual hookups because the platform insists on quick contact. Once you match, you have 24 hours to make contact with that person, or the match disappears.
The same is true for messages, which expire after 24 hours if one person doesn’t write back. For those pressed for time, Bumble offers one free “Extend” for matches and messages each day.
6. Hinge – Best New Dating App
Relaunched in 2016, Hinge is the #1 primarily mobile dating app mentioned in the New York Times wedding section.
Their algorithm gets good reviews: 75% of Hinge users want to go on a second date once they’ve gone out with their matches. The app improves your matches as you give feedback after dates.
Hinge’s platform is unique because once you match, the app prompts you to like or comment on a specific part of the other person’s profile. This lack of generic messages makes Hinge an interesting new addition.
7. AFF – Best Hookup Site
This hookup app isn’t for people who want long-term relationships. It gives you two main options: flirt (on the app) or hookup.
A sex-positive app, Adult Friend Finder is well known for brief encounters. However, it also features a variety of ways to connect: messaging, video (“online dates“), live streams, group chats.
AFF is also good for hookups because of its quick registration process. Unlike other sites, which may include long questionnaires, AFF features a 30-second registration process that will let you start browsing almost right away.
8. Seeking – Best Sugar Dating Site
This website connects younger people (“Sugar Babies”) with older, wealthier people (“Sugar Daddies/Mommas”).
With over 20 million users, the site features 8 million Sugar Babies and 2 million Sugar Daddies/Mommas. It allows these users to connect “without false pretenses,” each person stating their terms before connecting.
If you’re a young person looking for relationships with older people (or vice-versa), this site has users who are looking for the same types of encounters, eliminating the need for lengthy sifting through profiles and awkward conversations. It’s also one of the few sites with a large ratio of women to men.
9. JDate – The Best Dating Site for Jewish People
JDate is one app for Jewish singles. Founded in 1997, JDate is now available around the world, letting you connect with Jewish users in five different languages (English, Hebrew, French, German, and Spanish).
For those looking for a Jewish match with people who share your faith, JDate provides the widest selection of users. In fact, JDate is responsible for 52% of the Jewish marriages that started online.
With both free or premium subscriptions to JDate (at $59.99 per month), you can message anyone. Customer care reviews each profile, ensuring authentic users.
10. Catholic Match – Best Catholic Dating Site
One of several services for Christians, Catholic Match, helps you find love with a member of the Catholic faith specifically.
With more than 1 million users, Catholic Match promotes “faith-focused dating.” In other words, its users are primarily seeking long-term relationships with other Catholics.
Memberships cost $29.95 per month, but they come with a guarantee. If you meet certain qualifications during the first six months, the site guarantees your next six months free.
Endorsed by various Catholic leaders, Catholic Match has more than 20 years of experience bringing Catholics together.
11. Zoosk – Best Free International Dating Site
The best site for dating international people, Zoosk features 40,000,000 singles worldwide. These users send 3 million messages daily in 25 different languages. Available in over 80 countries, Zoosk is a truly global platform.
Established for more than 14 years, Zoosk uses “Behavioral Matchmaking technology” to match its users with compatible singles.
Free to try, a Zoosk subscription then costs $29.99 per month.
12. Reddit R4R – Best Subreddit for Dating (Online Personal Ads)
R4R is a subreddit where people connect. “R4R” stands for “Redditor for Redditor,” and the site does not have a matching system. Instead, this is one of the best online places to post personals.
These personals vary widely depending on what users are looking for. This can be anything from activity partners to groups, dating, hangouts, soulmates, and other relationships.
Because it is a subreddit, R4R only has post and messaging features. However, it also has fewer rules and restrictions than apps (though it does have some related to age, privacy, legality, and conduct). For example, NSFW posts are allowed, but they must be tagged so that other users can avoid them if they desire.
Reddit is also a good place for advice specific to your situation and dating advice in general. Check out the subreddits OnlineDating, r/DatingOverThirty, r/dating_advice. r/relationships, r/dating, r/DatingApps, r/ForeverAloneDating, r/RelationshipsOver35, or r/CatholicDating.
13. OkCupid – Best Free Dating Site
With a lot of dating apps, you get what you pay for. OkCupid is the best free service because of its detailed profiles: you can find out much more about users before you connect, leading to better matches.
Available both on the desktop site and as an app, OKCupid offers literally thousands of profile questions, so you can find a match for what’s important to you.
Offering 22 gender and 13 orientation options, OkCupid is also inclusive.
14. Ashley Madison – Best Married Dating Site
A dating site for affairs, Ashley Madison connects users for discreet encounters. Unlike other apps, the site is not linked to other social media profiles, so you’re less likely to connect or be seen by people you already know. It’s among the best date sites for married users, as both people understand the situation.
Ashley Madison also offers traveling features for those visiting other cities. This lets you contact users in that area ahead of time, setting up dates for when you arrive.
Best Online Dating Apps: 2021 Runners-Up
15. AsianDate.com – Best Asian Online Dating in the US
AsianDate connects people from around the world with Asian singles. With more than ten years of experience, the site’s staff verifies each member to ensure authenticity. Once you are verified, you can chat, call, or send letters or presents.
16. Match.com – Best for Help with Dates
One of the oldest dating sites, Match.com, began in 1995. It features detailed profiles, get-togethers for members, and a virtual dating coach to help members do anything from break the ice to come up with date ideas.
17. OurTime – Best 50+ Dating Site In the UK
A site for 50+ singles, ourtime.com offers options not only for those seeking marriage and long-term relationships but also for those looking for friendship and platonic relationships. The site features email and flirting capabilities, allowing you to see who has viewed your profile.
18. Christian Mingle – Best Dating Site for Christians
With over 15 million Christian singles, this Christian dating site helps users looking for a “God-centered relationship.” Their members are primarily focused on finding serious relationships. The site offers a free trial, after which they charge $49.99 per month.
19. BlackPeopleMeet – Best for African American Dates
For more than 18 years, BlackPeopleMeet has provided a platform for African American singles looking for love. The site’s 100,000+ users can exchange flirts or emails, as well as see who has viewed their profiles.
20. Tinder – Best Free App for Casual Dating
This dating app has a reputation that likely precedes it. With quick registration, Tinder is easy to use for hookups, though a large number of users means that many are also looking for relationships.
21. CoffeeMeetsBagel – Best for Intellectuals Dating
96% of users on Coffee Meets Bagel has a Bachelor’s degree, while over a third have a Master’s. The extensive profiles also make this a good site for intellectuals, as you can see who shares interests with you in many different areas.
22. HER – Best LGBTQA+ Women Dating App
HER is a dating app exclusively for LGBTQA+ women, created by queer women. Their 4 million users get access to in-person events, communities within the app, and app moderators to ensure they have a good experience.
23. Grindr – Best for LGBTQA+ Hookups
With mostly male users, Grindr focuses on the gay, bi, trans, and queer communities. The app changed how gay dating sites and apps work with its location-based services. Now the most popular gay mobile app, Grindr, allows you to sort users by distance based on GPS position.
24. Plenty of Fish – Best Free Site for Canadian Dates
This Canadian site is offered in nine languages, ensuring you can connect with users from around the world. Founded in 2003, the site provides detailed profiles for its large pool of members.
25. The League – Best Luxury Dating App
The League provides connections with singles in select cities. The site provides members with 3 “prospects” every day and lets you video chat with them for dating online. It also allows you to connect your profile to LinkedIn and Facebook to block connections, ensuring your privacy.
Best Dating Sites: FAQs
Why Use Online Dating Sites?
Sites for dates give you the chance to encounter far more potential matches than you would in everyday life. Whether you have a small social circle, are looking to expand your connections, or simply have needs that aren’t being met in your community, using these sites can widen your world.
Furthermore, using a site or an app to meet a romantic partner allows you to be more selective. If it’s important to you to have a partner with similar interests, many apps allow you to select for this.
Finally, it’s common to use these sites to find love: around 2/5 of Americans meet their long-term partners on date sites.
Are Apps for Dating Safe?
Apps are only as safe as their users. Stay careful.
Being careful on apps means engaging with verified users; some apps have members of their staff verify members by hand, giving you more safety.
However, it’s still crucial to follow safety guidelines when you date someone you met online.
How to Stay Safe While Online Dating?
Never give out your personal information to someone you have met online, particularly before you meet in person. This includes your last name, employer, address, and even your neighborhood.
When you meet someone you have met online, ensure that your first few dates take place in public locations. This could be a café, a restaurant, a movie theater, or anywhere else where others are around. Avoid secluded places such as parks, and never invite someone you don’t know to your home.
Finally, check in with a friend before your date to let them know where you’ll be and when you anticipate coming home. Let them know when you arrive back home. For extra security, ask them to call or text during the date to verify you are all right.
How Do I Decide Which Dating Site Is Right for Me?
Are you looking for something long-term or casual? First, consider what you are looking to gain from a new relationship.
If you’re hoping to find something serious, you should definitely steer clear of hookup apps and sites like Tinder or Ashley Madison. On the other hand, if a no-strings-attached fling is what you’re searching for, a dating site like eHarmony that boasts a high marriage success rate won’t be the one for you.
Where are you located? It’s
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More on Gay Male Sexual Aesthetics
Haven’t talked about this one in a while.
So much success on these dating apps has to do with curating a specific type of profile experience. Certain body types do better in this area than others, for instance..muscular men arguably have higher response rates than average bodied men.
Recently, I updated my Grindr profile with a more flattering picture of myself at the gym and I’m already getting compliments galore! It’s insane how one sided this whole thing works.
Before, I was intent on just working out to look good for Grindr, but now, I feel like my goals in the gym are more in line with working out to make art out of my body.
I have a desire to be an artist of some kind and being a Pisces, it’s somewhat in my destiny. Lots of times I imagine myself making music or being a graphic artist, but I think bodybuilding can be my way of interacting with the beautiful that also gets my sexual needs taken care of. Bodybuilding in itself is no easy task, so I’d argue that this is the one creative hobby I dedicate myself towards at this time. Of course, there’s always streaming and gaming, but I want that to be an extension of my hobby of being a bodybuilder rather than something that’s creative in it’s own right.
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possibly weird question but would you have any advice for trans men who are pre-any kind of medical transition who are looking to try dating apps and such?? I'm wanting to start living my best slut life but it's also a little intimidating when I don't always pass. Apologies because I do know this is probably a kind of broad question 😅 but thank you!
Hey there!
So I think there's a two-fold anxiety around casual sex and dating as a pre-T and/or pre-surgery trans person when you do desire to start HRT or get surgery - obviously there's the understandable anxiety about the way other people will respond to you, whether with transphobia, with fetishy weirdness, or even just the fear that you might not be attractive to others because you don't meet up to their specific desires in a man; the other is that when you're casually dating, whether that's about having sex itself, being intimate with others, or even just dressing up for dates and stuff, you can be more keenly aware of your body, which can make any dysphoria or insecurity you regularly feel flare up more.
For the former, I would say that like...
Grindr is a hook-up app, not a dating app. People can get dates on Grindr, but it's first and foremost intended for hook-ups, and subsequently some people end up being surprised or frustrated by the direct and sex-based conversations that people start - it's what Grindr is for. It can be great for hook-ups, but it's not for everybody.
With that said, Grindr is what I use over other apps like Tinder, Hinge, Lex, and so on - Grindr is focused on gay men and other MLM, there will be other apps around you where there'll be more focused on WLW, and more focused on queer people across the board, etc.
I would say that MLM have a different culture around casual sex than straight people do, and different again to WLW - it's not that straight people or lesbians don't have casual sex, it's just not exactly the same culture and attitude? So I couldn't speak to those perspectives or attitudes.
I generally think that queer people across the board are far more accepting of trans people than one might guess or assume - I think they have a better attitude toward "binary" (or what they perceive/interpret as binary) trans identity than they do explicitly nonbinary or agender identities, but even with that attitude, they don't always have the best knowledge, awareness, or sensitivity. Especially in smaller areas outside of the city, you have a lot of chances of being someone's first transgender partner, and that's not really a cherry that's particularly fun to pop.
I think that going for group dating activities is a good idea - obviously people will advise T4T, and absolutely, dating other trans and nonbinary people rocks, but also just being social with other trans people makes it easier to click and connect with other cis people who are cool with trans people, and also with those who like... vibe with trans identity, but would consider themselves more cis-aligned than not?
Transness itself, it's important to remember, is a spectrum, and although a lot of self-identified cisgender people might still identify as cis, they might have an idea of or experience of gender that more aligns with your feelings as a trans person than would an average cisgender person's, especially within the queer community and other marginalised communities.
Dating apps are grand, but they're best utilised alongside actually socialising and meeting up with members of your community, especially so that you can hear like... gossip, sure, but also honest warnings and awareness around anyone who's weird or predatory, you know? You can also just see who's cool and then hit them up on Instagram or whatever after, and not just rely wholly on dating apps.
For the latter stuff, re: flaring up dysphoria, trans friends are good, obviously having an affirming community around you - I would also say that it's good to seek out partners who you feel comfortable saying, hey, I'm a little insecure about x, or I don't like y to be touched, and to be able to have those frank conversations about consent and your needs, with your dysphoria taken into account, upfront.
Depending on whether you date men, women, nonbinary people, others, etc, you might also want to have conversations in the first little while about like, what they usually find attractive, and explore like... Your feelings about attractiveness, how you want to be attractive and to whom - this can be a really valuable exercise in self-discovery and identity, and can point you towards stuff that feels affirming or gives you big gender euphoria!
Some other pieces I've written about dating and casual sex as a trans man are here:
Being A Slut: For Trans MLM — Discussing MLM cruising culture for trans men. On Tumblr / / On Medium.
Do I have to be masculine to be a top? — Unpacking some feelings of gender in and around sex and sex acts. On Tumblr / / On Medium.
Looking For 🍑🍆💦: A Beginner’s Guide to Grindr for Trans Men — Approaching Grindr and M/M cruising culture as a trans man. On Patreon / / On Medium.
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waystar royco acquires tumblr when
#succession#hey uh logan- uncle log haha uh there’s this well youre were always looking for new uhm aquisitions? right#and there’s this well it’s okay so it’s a website like a social media sort of blogging… experience? and it wouldn’t be like it wouldn’t#cost that much I mean youre mr roy#roy co right so but it’s a very uhm possibly profitibals venture like a very uhm underutilized#service of the market? yeah anyways it’s called like tumblr uhm no e haha like grindr well no not like not that but uhm you get it#my first writing as greg post I think I’ve done an average job#not the best but better than some#my post#succ
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rating my text posts from 2016 on a scale of 1/10
5/10 decent advice but i did not know my angles or personal style at all
2/10 this was a lie i was not doing well at all
4/10 drag is literally a community
3/10 LMAOOOO AGED SO POORLY
4/10 i thought i was so quirky
6/10 i guess this was kinda funny but ive spent enough time on grindr to know that ass daddy is not a common term
okay 1/10 3 years later i married a boy who was moving to canada 2 days after our wedding so i could have made it work if i really wanted to
1/10 first off they’re called dips second off i have nerve damage in my left knee because of them
4/10 decent sentiment but thats personal shit why was i posting on main about this also i think my ex was still following me lmao
6/10 extremely cringe but a fair take. also not the bandom omfg i feel so blessed to have a life where i do not ever have to hear about the bandom
4/10 this was my cry for help era. i think i forgot the humor part of self deprocating humor. its ok 19 y/o me you will find some friends and replace alcohol with horse tranquilizers
8/10 i have no idea what this means now but i bet it was a great in joke
7/10 turns out im a girl but this was funny
5/10 sexy lady is a state of being i wasnt ready for. i needed to go through my person (average) phase to enter my sexy lady era
9/10 great take i stand by it completely would be a 10 but damn those exclamation marks date the fuck out of it
1/10 ok girlie listen up the first cry for help “joke” was mildly amusing and sort of framed as a joke this was just being depressed on main, which is fine its your social media you can say whatever you want but u gotta stop being like “calm down yall its a joke” bc you’re just not being funny at all like damn.
okay absolute 10/10 here not because of anything i said (it was just a general accountability like if u have a problem with me you’re welcome to come talk to me kinda post) BUT a few years after this was sent to me the person who was talking shit about me reached out to me and spilled so much dirt on the person who sent me this ask and it was one of the most sickly cathartic experiences of my life 10s
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Not really a secret but a story. Gay men tend to have larger dicks than straight guys on average. My personal experience and there was a study (I think). So some reason a lot of guys on grindr in my area have a 7in dick (including me) or bigger. It's kind of rare to find a guy that under 7in here and I honestly don't know why. Then again. People could be lying cause I obviously didn't go measure all of them
Hmm that is interesting. This article from 1999 (so might be a little out dated. And I only read the abstract) seems to back up what you are saying. I thought the average for any male was like 5in 🤷🏻♂️. Guess you live in a well hung area 😅
I also liked how you said "including me" just as a quick humble brag 😜 But give me your location and I will come measure all the dicks 👀😂
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4,5,28,29, and 40!
4. What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?
I can’t remember lol
5. What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?
While I wan in SATX I met a guy from grindr at his house. It was late but I agreed because the area close and rich people lived there haha. As I arrived the area was pitch black like all the lights were turned off. I was having second thoughts but my dick was too powerful. He came outside of the house and greeted me and told me that we will be doing it in his car 😬. We got in the car and as we were kissing and touching each other he told me I was his first guy experience and I was like oh ok 😬 hopefully I’ll be a good experience. As I proceeded to blow him he told me that he is the type of guy that doesn’t continue sex when ejaculating. For me that was the last straw and I got turned off so I just jerked him and ordered and uber back to the hotel.
28. (Penis-owners) Describe the size and shape of your penis. Are you happy with it?
An above average straight penis but not too big and somewhat thick. I have no complaints except maybe and inch thicker and longer. Anyways I don’t care tbh and everyone I’ve been with was happy.
29. (Penis-owners) Have you tasted your own cum? Did you like it?
Nope! I’m pretty picky with whom cum I swallow. I love other people’s cum though, like shoot it all of it on me pls
40. Describe your most sexy fantasy.
Having a loving boyfriend who’ll treat me right 🥺
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