I don’t have the capacity to be coherent right now but. this movie is so good

Ep 9 | I’d Rather Make Moves When I Need To - Emma

Okay, I am so sad Brandi is gone, but at the same time, it's not the worst thing for my game.  The good part of it is that we tried to make a move on Emma, we flushed an idol, and we weren't detected. I think this twist is actually super helpful in these moments because if you try something, and it fails, no one knows unless it gets leaked.

Another good thing is that Taylor's closest ally is now gone. I know that Taylor is super close with Ari, which is good, but I also want her to be super close with me. Not just for strategy reasons. She's also super cool and I like talking to her! Apparently she did tell JABARI of all people the vote was on Emma, so no wonder they knew how to idol tonight lmao.

Idk I feel pretty okay about my position in the game playing the middle rn I just need to not spread myself too thin and keep the targets in front of me. 

Soooo Tribal went off without a single hitch. brandi went home despite playing both of her advantages and Jacob wasn’t even near getting voted out. The main clownery of the night happened right after tribal. Ali started going on about how he felt like Brandi didn’t deserve to go home, when there were people currently in the game who didn’t care. If you think she deserved to stay, maybe you should’ve given her your immunity? Or better yet, volunteered to go home? And while we’re on the topic of who cares, haven’t you either flopped in or just not submitted in multiple challenges? Since I was still on the tribal call, I asked him who he was talking about, even though I kind of had a good idea of who it was already. He said Emma. and since Emma wasn’t there, we are aligned, and I know she was going through some things, I felt the need to stick up for her. I found it pretty disrespectful that Ali would say that so it did make me a bit mad. I of course alerted Emma right after it happened because I feel like she deserve to know, and she confronted Ali about it in the call after tribal. I’m sure everyone knows Emma and I are working together now, but I couldn’t let her be dragged through the mud like that. I’m really worried Ali and Taylor, who I know are aligned, will try to target me now. I understand where Ali was coming from though. I’m also a person who is driven by my emotions and I tend to say stuff without thinking about it first.

WELL all things considered that vote went pretty alright! i didn't manage to mist emma into using an idol for jacob so they could get blindsided, but other than that, things worked out pretty much how i hoped. jacob was saved, an idol (and lots of money) was flushed, and i can plausibly tell both sides that i voted with them even tho actually i voted ali for insurance purposes >:~) also we got major info about the location of the other idol when brandi didn't play it and it didn't go back into the shop, i.e. jabari MUST have it because there's no other possible place it could be. i know none of my people have it, and nic was so convinced that me/jacob did that i have to believe none of that group have it either, which leaves little old jabari who's been asking soooo many questions about everyone's funds and where items could possibly be. color me a little shocked but honestly kudos to her! now she gets to stay alive another round since that gun is an idol again.

other shop updates are that taylor's gonna buy something next round and so is dan probably, which will be great for getting them out of other people's hands and knowing for sure where they are. i can't believe i own shares in 2 of the 3 items currently in the game, how cute of me honestly. everyone else is now broke so that's delightful, i prob should've extorted myself for even more money so they'd think i was fully broke too but ah well what can you do.

i am a little worried about how ali's antics last night could potentially reflect back on me this round but i think i've done a pretty good job of covering my tracks there - i talked to both nic and emma immediately after and was like yeah i don't condone that behavior, and josh knows i wanted ali out over jacob because i got him to throw a vote that way with me, and obviously none of taylor/dan/jacob are gonna let me get targeted for that either sooooo i think i'm all good. once again, jabari is a wild card but i think i trust her a little more after my call with her yesterday and i don't think she would have the pull to do anything anyway.

so at last i can have a day of peaceful rest while i await these awful touchy subjects results! me taylor and ali are making a music video so that'll keep me busy for a while. overall feeling very grateful and blessed to not be stressed at this current moment in time!!!

Not mr ali making me regret voting off brandi out should of been ali oh well no point in voting him out now tbh that would be a waste things i think are slowly getting better for me i am talking to jacob and ari more idk how to approach taylor because ik we on different sides but ik we may or may not need eachother soon i feel so bad about brandi she was probably the nicest person here i said this about megs but brandi for second chances.. Yeah i just need to think of something that will seperate my gameplay from josh and nic if im stuck with them eventually that means i could get myself voted off its hard to like make moves rn but i rather make moves when i need to make moves.

also maybe ali should of put his immunity on brandi and not ari >:)

i also hope i break the record for most wasted idols im coming for that record im also so nervous about the future of the game i dont wanna just follow ppl around but like i kinda fucked myself over due to reasons out of my control oop

I just sent my nightly hellos to people and that’s already too much social interaction for me

I’m already fricken paranoid about this round and we haven’t even gotten immunity results ugh. I think it’s because I know I flipped that mastermind comp. like I really could have done much better than I did.

Additionally everyone was so quiet today so I’m just assuming everyone hates me and wants me to die. 

am i playing a good utr game or do people just forget i exist? i've got a lot of good (but conflicting) info from Dan and Taylor and I want to sit down and compare notes with Ari BUT WHERE ARE THEY you can't expect me to remember all this by tomorrow. I feel like I have somewhat of a good relationship with everyone aside from Ali and Jabari and I feel like I've gotten a few info that I find personally relevant moving forward but I need someone to compare this with. I think I'm playing a much more smarter game than before.

[Tumblr Survivor Riau reference] I feel like I was in a position like this before where I had the opportunity to play a good game being in the middle but fucked it up and sent one of my allies home because I was vetoed by my actual alliance [end Tumblr Survivor reference] so I'm doing the same thing this time around but keeping my sources a secret. The only person I am 100% honest is Ari and I hope it's mutual. I obviously can't take Ari with me to FTC but what I need the most are honest opinions and legit information and i think both of us are providing just that with each other.

ali needs to stop saying dumb shit to nic because it ALWAYS gets back to dan and i have to be like "omg lol im sure he didnt mean that" while running to ali and being like "hushhhhhh"

anyway i think the best thing i can do today is sit back and let everyone else tire themselves out scrambling and stressing!! it'll all resolve itself eventually and if it doesnt then oh well

I wasn't going to be making a confessional because I didn't wanna get an OTTN5 edit and also I felt like it was obvious I was going home and I had nothing to really say. There is a tiny bit of hope now, and it lies with Jabari and Dan. If everyone is telling me the truth, I will be staying. And if I do, I'd love to create a 5-person majority alliance with me, Dan, Jabari, Emma, and Josh. It'd honestly be perfect. I really like them all and am comfortable with them all.

If I go home, I wont be mad or anything, I'll just be sad that I didn't really come across the way I had hoped to in this ORG. I feel like a lot of things didn't come across correctly, and a lot of things were just pinned on me that were outside of my control.

Oh well. Let me remain positive. This is me being positive :] (Also I'm forever thankful for having Josh and Emma as allies without them I would've gone crazy by now. Thank you for everything you do.)

Power Rankings: ONE - DAN (+2) Threat: 8 (+2) Trust: 8 (+3) Dan’s at the top of the rankings this week because he’s in the position that I wish I were in. Despite losing Brandi, who was Dan’s #1 idled out by the minority alliance, he still was approached by the minority to vote with them. He knows each plan and he can decide whether he wants to flip or not. He decides who goes home this round. TWO - ARI (-1) Threat: 10 (+1) Trust: 9 (+1) Ari ranks #2 because they know everything that’s going on and they know it first. They’re the first to hear about any messiness or change to a plan. They aren’t included in it necessarily, but they hear about it. Ari’s threat level though is through the roof and hiding behind them as a meat shield is going to be key for my game. They should want to take a shot at Ari before me, and I plan to keep it that way. THREE - TAYLOR (-1) Threat: 7 (NC) Im starting to lose grasp and hold on my power as more of my allies leave. If the minority perception and gameplay wasn’t so awful I would have a lot more control over what goes on this round. Its just bad survivor gameplay to assume someone would never work with you because you voted their allies out. Because what they fail to see is that regardless of if im included in their plans or not, I still find out. I had 3 different people approach me that me name was out as I woke up at 9am this morning. It shows I have control, I just wish they’d include me so I had the power to deal with it rather than relying on others. FOUR - JABARI (+3) Threat: 3 (+1) Trust: 2 (-2) Jabari is here because she seems to want to give the minority.a chance. I don’t really understand her logic because regardless she’s at the bottom of an alliance. The one round where the majority wanted to count on her to prove she’s with us, she jumps. And she doesn’t even know that she’s completely fucking her game because of it. On top of that every suspects she has an idol. She only ranks 4 because of the information she is receiving, but she’s no threat because her gameplay is poor and everyone believes the rumour of her having an idol. FIVE - JACOB (+1) Threat: 7 (+1) Trust: 8 (NC) Jacob does know what each side is going to do, but unfortunately hes always the last to find out. Im not sure if its because of how late he sleeps in, or if hes everyones last resort but either way it’s not good for his power ranking. Jacob’s smart, hes going to be seen as an immunity threat sooner rather than later. SIX - NIC (+3) Threat: 3 (+1) Trust: 0 (NC) Nic is in 6th because hes the only one trying to steer a vote on the other side. He isn’t doing it successfully, but hes trying. If only he could put as much effort into challenges and he would trying to get people to save him. I dont trust him at all, he threw my name out. He has a little influence over Jabari, but that’s not too big of a success. SEVEN - ALI (-2) 
Threat: 1 (-2) Trust: 9 (-1) Ali unfortunately just doesn’t have the power he needs to get himself out of situations like he is in this round. When the name was between Ali and I it should have easily landed on me. But Ali doesn’t have the social capital that I do, which is why I had multiple people tell that side “lets do Ali over Taylor”. Not to mention Ali made a hugeeee mistake buying the dress for literally no reason. But I trust him I guess? EIGHT - JOSH (NC) Threat: 4 (+2) Trust: 5 (+2) Im starting to see a little fire with josh come out this round and im happy. Hes not willing to do anything about it, but the gears are turning in his head. I think our relationship will be important down the line but as of now he has no power and just follows everything Nic says. NINE - EMMA (NC) Threat: 0 (NC) Trust: 0 (NC) I literally don’t have anything to say about Emma. She doesn’t talk, doesn’t do the challenge, doesn’t care. Not worth my time.

I feel like im not winning this game unless if nic goes and josh goes right after idk im feeling a bit bad how im playing i was planning to go balls to the wall but like i find it really hard to do that when i am a known goat for something i could not control i try hard to change what people to see but idk how to do it anymore im totally not gonna stab josh and nic in the back at this point i just cant write their names down.

This vote is for all of the victims of the people that nic has voted off, nic is going home I know of it. All he's been doing has been working against me and for that ciao Bella 

GOD. What a day. I was pulled back and forth about this vote by both sides and this vote.

Ari/Jacob/Ali/Taylor want me to vote Nic Jabari/Nic/Josh/Emma want me to vote Ali

Neither option is ✨great✨ for my game. But we can’t vote out Jabari for personal reasons so here we are.

I’m worried about idols and such, but at the end of the day, I can’t get too in my head. If the idol comes out as long as they don’t end up voting for me instead of Ali... we’re good!

I’m voting for Nic because I don’t fuck with people who try to make you feel like you’re gonna lose if you don’t roll with them.  Even on OG Pearl he didn’t take a ton of time to get to know me and even now all he wants to do is talk game. In comparison, TSL has known me two rounds and I know so much about her.

Obviously voting out ANOTHER OG Pearl probably isn’t wise, but at the end of the day, New Pearl and OG Beeho seem to be the people I bond with the most and trust the most. And I might be dumb, but I am enjoying their company and would be proud losing to any of them. 

Ep. 7 - “my dreams are never wrong - Zoe

Stephen

Odd round, Merge, yay, then immunity, double yay. But everyone being really quiet and not a lot of drama? Makes me wonder if the drama is happening away from me, and about me :/ Joseph seems to be the vote, and im hoping that its the right move, i just worry that john and zoe are in an alliance with people from the other og tribe. Just a feeling.

Maynor

So the target tonight is going to be Sierra. But Sierra thinks that the target is Joseph. It kinda sucks but I dont see Sierra being a good ally for me because a little paranoid. Like i heard they told Joseph they were the target. Who tells the “target” they are the target? There are many alliances that i may not be in but I love that Timmy is in them cuz he tells me everything and i tell him whats happening on my side. No one really knows we are actually working together. Like Dylan forgot Timmy was in Kalokairi 😂😂 only person who would be a huge dangerous threat is Stephen because he knows of me and Timmy playing together in Kuwait. Right now the first two targets are Sierra and Stephen. Stephen saved himself by winning immunity. Congrats to him. I feel like he could be a good number but at the same time he’s a play that “goes with majority cuz doesnt want to vote in minority” so he wouldnt want to make a risky game move when it has to be done. I need people who are willing to.

Dylan C

andjskdbakdb this is late af because I’ve been at a family event all day but anyway. Uhhh short version is that there’s the Sierra vote, with Joseph as the decoy that got kinda messy but I think it’ll succeed in the end? Every time I messaged someone outside Mental Gymnastics I just outright lied and played dumb, and acted like no one had told me anything about that vote. Idk how many people believed that, and if it was actually useful but that’s what I did. 

Raffy

I am glad that Sierra left and that the vote went smoothly. Apparently, Sierra was really pissing John off at the latter half of the round. They were calling John and Zoe suspicious and shady which is true, but they don't need to know that. Not only that, but Sierra was giving me fake info and tempting me into saying a name the whole day. I was giving them basically zip and keeping my mouth close. They were definitely trying to rat me out. So, I am glad that they are gone. Finally, Joseph was apparently paranoid till the end. So, I need to keep an eye on him.

Stephen

Yeah johns a snake :/ basically he didnt get to vote out sierra when cormac went, and now he flipped at merge, basically handing the other tribe majority. Now, I’m not a tribe-loyal maniac, but i must say itd be kinda dumb for him to flip without a solid alliance already established. So either johns an idiot as well as a snake, or hes always been a snake, but there are snakes on the other tribe too :/

Raffy

I decided to pair up with Timmy because I feel like we could work well together in this challenge. I am concerned with Stephen and Joseph, however. I definitely do not want them to win, at all. It would boost their egos, plus if Stephen wins then he'll dodge the vote again. Also, I don't want Zoe/John to win because they would be the most likely to get idoled out instead of me if Stephen uses one. So, there's that. Here's to hoping I win this challenge. Sierra dropping does not concern me in the slightest. That's just another person who I don't have to worry about coming back into this game.

Dylan C

On call with Mental Gymnastics. ideally if things went our way, out next boot order would be Stephen, Joseph, Ellie, and then Keith/Maynor (no one really specified. probably Maynor first). Assuming people don't get immunity at inconvenient times lmao. Also, it's gonna be fun when we get someone back from EoE. It'll probably be Jack, who will probably have grudges against old Melrakki so us old Ulfur can manipulate that hatred to our advantage (wink wink, nudge nudge). and all of this is assuming that this alliance actually holds solid through the rounds. Will it? And then we have to vote each other out? Or will we turn on each other? All of this is subject to change round by round as in any game.

Raffy

I can imagine that Stephen is going to stay pissed at Zoe and John since they blindsided him pretty hard. Hopefully, that'll keep me safe for a few rounds since they will serve as meat shields.

Maynor

It’s a little wild how im able to make people believe that I’ll do whatever they say. Zoe told Timmy, “I have Maynor. He’ll do whatever i tell him.” Im like so you think. Hopefully Im able to get people to get rid of Zoe soon. This is why I want to win immunity so i can save Stephen because if we lose, he’ll be the target and I need him to stay in because only one i know that would go after zoe and john. 

Raffy

Yesterday, I received some interesting information from Joseph. He sees John and Zoe as a power couple, and he is thinking about voting against them in this round if they do not win immunity. To me, this is a good sign as this can be used for whenever I decide to turn against them. I also see them as a power couple that is dominating the game currently. I guarantee that if we did touchy subjects, one of them would receive Most Likely to Win. However, I do not want to make that move right now. I am sitting in a comfortable majority, and, if I turn my back on it, I belong to no side, becoming a pariah. Which mean, if no one wants to stir the pot, I would be the easy vote. I know that they have Keith and Maynor. I know that I could convince people on Ulfur to vote with me, but it needs to be at the right time. Especially if EoE is still in effect. The only person I've told this to is Timmy, and, hopefully, that information stays sealed. I don't want John to freak out on Joseph and a) create a bigger target for himself and b) shift the target from Stephen who I do not talk to.

John

today has been damage control time. stephen got burned by me especially on that sierra vote, and i need for him to feel secure with me moving forward. granted, he is a threat, and probably will be targeted if he loses immunity, but hopefully me going to him before the challenge is over is more believable than had i approached him after the challenge.

Maynor

Ill start by saying ❤️ Jay. So i finally finished the idol hunt and in the last puzzle i saw Dylan’s name cuz they were signed into their account. So im like 👀👀 dylan might have found something. So need to be careful there. And the challenge i hope stephen’s poem will get us the win. 😊 i really dont want him to go. My roommate says Hi.

Stephen

Me, looking at Maynor doing very little for this challenge >:( Google translate: Great Lovers I’d never thought I’d say this but I think Google Translate is shipping Me and Maynor. We’re Google Translate’s OTP

Raffy

John claims that he is doing damage control with Stephen. His plan sounds legit, but I doubt it would mean anything. Giving people a false sense of security makes them bitter towards you in the end. Ellie says that Joseph still believes I voted for him which sucks, but I wouldn't trust Joseph with a baby doll let alone my game. So, I guess this works out in the end. I am affirmed that Ellie is working with me because she was going on about how no one realizes that we are working together. 

Joseph Collins

Me and Kieth were on this metaphorical sit-out bench which could mean trouble for us. People might think I’m comfortable which is when people go home. Womp womp

Stephen

So this game has gone weirdly for me. I dont tend to function well in large groups, so the one world twist did not benefit me much. For others, it definitely worked, and I would be absolutely stunned if John Zoe Raffy and maybe Timmy did not have an alliance that had been around for a while. They’re just too confident and votes have seemed too spontaneous to not be planned by a strong alliance. So what do I do? I try and lay low, not force a new alliance or search for tea to be spilled, i sit and keep chatting and wait for someone to spill the tea on their own terms and try and pull my vote. Its risky, because if my name comes up I have no protection, and its also not a play im used to. But, if i dont try something new its unlikely ill ever win a season right?

Raffy

I'm so happy I won this immunity. It's the greatest feeling in the world to know that all my hard work paid off. This means that I do not have to concern myself too much about this vote, especially considering that we are splitting the vote 5-3 on Stephen and Joseph, respectively. Then, it does not matter who they vote for or if they have an idol. I think this is a great plan because I do not trust Stephen and I definitely do not trust Joseph. Our plan is this: Votes on Stephen: John, Me, Timmy, Ellie, Maynor Votes on Joseph: Zoe, Dylan, Keith Even if Maynor is not 100%, I know that Ellie and Keith will be. This means that the split vote will work no matter what with either Stephen or Joseph going. My job is to tell Ellie about the vote and get her on board. I think I can manage that. Zoe is talking to Keith, but I am also in his ear to make sure things go smoothly. I do not believe that he knows that Zoe and I are working together. I feel like a lot of people in this game think that I am someone who is in no alliances and just lost for the most part. That's wrong. I'm the person who's going to sneak their way to the end by playing dumb. In that way, people will underestimate me.

Joseph Collins

People want to blindside Stephen as if they power duo of John and Zoe doesn’t exist. We’ll see. I’m gathering my troops

Raffy

Ellie confirmed with me that she is voting for Stephen which is good. I talked with Keith, Maynor, and Joseph throughout the day. Keith knows about the split vote which I thought was weird because I thought we weren't telling anyone outside our alliance, but that is fine. I just played dumb because I do not want anyone knowing that I am working with Zoe or John at the moment. Maynor and I talked about the vote a little bit. I was just trying to confirm what Zoe and John told me about him wanting to vote Joseph. What I found is that this was true for the most part. I'm playing up the part of the person that's unsure and out of the loop to him. He told me Zoe mentioned both Stephen and Joseph. Honestly, I wish EoE would just be over soon because convincing both Keith and Maynor may be harder than I thought considering that Zoe has them wrapped around her finger. I am attempting to tell Joseph that Stephen threw out his name which is true. I'm hoping that Joseph will take the bait and vote out Stephen instead of his little plan to vote out Zoe/John. 

Timmy

A whole lot has been happening this round. So Raffy’s plan is to get Stephen to go and then split the votes between him and Joseph. Maynor wanted Zoe or John gone or to get rid of Joseph instead which is what it looks like it’s coming to. Sometimes I hate being in the Mental Gymnastics alliance because I think I’m on the bottom, so bc I’m in it I’ll be seen as a goat in the end since I’ve been quiet. My org mistake is being a crackhead too early but someone is still coming back so idk what might happen. If Dylan R participates, he has a good chance at coming back since he’s good at challenges. Who knows what will happen after tribal but I expect no matter what that things will be wild.

Maynor

I have become a crackhead. This tribal is going to be an interesting one. If this vote goes according to plan then. 👀 EllieApparently Zoe wants and Stephen-Joseph split with more on stephen. Guess who’s gonna be on Joseph damage control again!

John

this vote could go so wrong hahahahaha. i really wish it was joseph that was the target instead of stephen. but, i had to do it for the alliance. too early to go rogue.

Dylan C

God I'm so bad at confessing in this game. Oh well. My alliance is coming up with a plan to vote Stephen, but is splitting votes onto Joseph in case of an idol play. I don't actually know what is going on too much because I've only been skimming the messages and haven't been talking strategy with other tribe mates as much as I should have. But also? I've been out here living my life and hanging out with friends so it's worth it.

Dylan C

expect a video confessional some time soon when I actually get the chance to film and upload it

Maynor

It looks like I might be out for the count. Joseph isnt responding to me but he’s online. He is also being very shady. Feel like he leaked stuff and it is going to be me tonight. Might just be paranoid but everytime i feel like this i get voted out and it has happened everytime. Ill be sad if i am voted out. I tried so hard but o well. Im still hoping plan works out and everything would be okay but josephs behavior isnt helping anything. Just in case. One last ❤️ For Jay.

Timmy

We gettin out Zoe tonight! It's lit peeps. Honestly I'm definitely screwing myself over with this, but that's the fun of survivor....gotta take shots and regret taking them rather than regret not taking them to know what happens. Truly it's the crackhead in me. All credit goes to Maynor on this one because he really supplied the crack today to make a move and i couldn't be prouder of him. With that information and everything set, I made the alliance to make things solid and so I can get further along in the idol hunt :)

Timmy

I FOUND AN IDOL!!! AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO SLIDE PUZZLES!!! I feel so much more comfortable with my cracked energy now because of this. I feel a sense of safety, although that could also be because I'm immune tonight due to the challenge. So yay! But this secures my safety for if I come in last for a challenge again.

Maynor

It might be happening. Im crossing my fingers. Im scared. 😳

John

raffy scares me. yeah i’m in an alliance with him but he’s really showing he has mental prowess in this game. and that’s dangerous.

Zoe

I'm feeling so paranoid. I had a dream last night that Raffy orchestrated a blindside against me, and everyone on the tribe was on board with it. He must have triggered some strange internal awareness in me because I don't trust him at all anymore-- and my dreams are never wrong.

Episode #9: I’m A Fighter -Jake

*loud screeching noise* AHHHHHHHHHH omfg i cant believe we just did that #beam 4 life ok so like i feel horrible because i love drew but he was trying to make an alliance and it didnt include me and i had to take him out before it was too late because while it wouldnt be me this vote it probably would next time so like sorry drew i love u im sure this doesnt help my case for like why u should b my friend but like i rlly am sorry.  also i feel bad for lying to jake but it just wouldve gotten back to drew and i didnt want to risk that.  im hoping he doesnt hate me too much for blindsiding his ally but like again, they were trying to have a majority alliance that i wasnt a part of and i just didn't want to deal with it tbh.  maybe jake and i are just doomed to eternally be on separate sides in games idk (sad music plays) umm trixie idk we dont really talk we just kind of coexist UM HOLDUP JESUS CHRIST WE JUST FUCKING MERGED WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WIG ON PLUTO WHAT TO HECK ????? im off to plot heathers demise xoxo gossip beckka

Woot Woot its merge loves. Time to be a complete mess and be first merge boot. Hehehe

I MADE IT, MY SECOND ATHENA GAME AND I MADE IT TO MERGE AGAIN IM INCREDIBLEY HAPPY. Let’s hope I don’t get eighth place again, and if I’m gonna be honest I need Drew gone if I’m gonna win. He’s so fucking good at challenges. So eliminating him would mainly be out of fear.

Remember how I’m a dumbass? Me too ok so Drew was eliminated already.

Excuse me I am stupid and don't get letters are better as numbers... and also reversed. I would like an explanation plzz

words tried in number form and reversed so far that have not worked. Emily-Amanda-Abbey-Francie, Navarino, Survivor, Athena. Im gonna cry I cant find it yet.

Oh yeah tea, I ended up finding a secret advantage called the deja vote which means I can steal someone’s vote from a tribal and re-use it at a later tribal 

This was originally going to me a vlog of me screaming after tribal but I busy last night and fell asleep before doing it so now I'm more calm and just gonna type out. Okay so looking back at my last confessional, bitch I'm boo boo the fool. I seriously thought Eddie and Autumn were being honest with me because I trust(ed) them sooo much, but it turns out they were playing me and orchestrating a Drew blindside behind my back. So before I went out last night, EVERYONE told me they were voting Matt. Then two minutes before the vote, Eddie and Autumn message me like "JAKE! Are you here??? SOMETHING is happening" like bitch shut the fuck up something is not happening don't act like this shit just happened last minute. Then they say "Drew is getting voted out tonight!" So...I went to Drew and told him to play the idol if he had it. Because I didn't want Matt staying if I was voting for him. But Drew said he didn't have an idol, and Eddie found out that I told Drew and told Autumn. So after I got home I messaged the group chat with Eddie and Autumn and told them that I was upset by them lying to me bc I did trust them the most. Then Autumn decided to get ballsy and reply "I don't buy that at all since you told Drew to play his idol, you were more loyal to him than me." GIRL STFU yes the fuck I did tell Drew because you told me TWO MINS BEFORE TRIBAL - MEANING YOU KEPT THE VOTE HIDDEN FROM ME ALL DAY. DON'T SAY IM DISLOYAL WHEN YOU WERE THE BIGGEST MFING SNAKE THIS ROUND! ...Anyways. Autumn then tries to come for me by saying "So tell, what's with this alliance between you, Eddie, Drew, and Trixie." And this is when I got more mad. BC Drew proposed this alliance to me, but it was never made, hell I didn't even tell Trixie about it. And when I told Eddie about it I told him I think we should tell Autumn about the alliance (Since he wanted to as well) So it became clear that Autumn was spreading to rebecka and matt that I was in an actual alliance with them to get them all to turn on us. So um Autumn, I wanted to trust you and go far with you in this game, but you're dead to me in this game now and I want you GONE. Autumn has the most connections here. She has Eddie, Rebecka, Matt, Ben, and I've heard that she has Mitch as well. She is a huge threat and if I can find a way to take her out, I will. But right now I need to focus on surviving. After the vote, Trixie added me to a call with Julia. Julia told us all of the alliances she's in (and she's in a damn lot) and said she basically likes Trixie more so she's working with us. Umm okay that's cool. I hope she's being serious because my life in this game is in Julia's hands now. She has all these connections and I need to get her to gun for someone that isn't me, Trixie, or Shoib. I've decided that my ideal final 3 would be with Trixie and Shoib because I trust them the most now, we've been together since day one, and we're all fans. It would be perfect. Sooo yeah. I also talked to Heather and basically blamed Tyler for all the animosity between us. I am trying to repair relationships and hopefully push the target off my back because I am worried about being targeted for 12th. IDK WHAT ELSE TO DO! I am in SUCH a bad position right now and it's so annoying. At the start of this game I had a lot of allies and the two people who trusted me the most (Tyler and Drew) are gone. But I'm a FIGHTER. I will NOT give up! I was in the minority at merge in crossroads and turned it around and made it to FTC so I just have to keep pushing and hopefully I'll get the same results! Woo wig! This was originally going to me a vlog of me screaming after tribal but I busy last night and fell asleep before doing it so now I'm more calm and just gonna type out.

https://youtu.be/iUDlOxxgtz0 my face in the thumbnail for this video is so funny cause it's when i found out of another to do the idol search. Obviously we know it didn't work adhshjks

I am pumped for this merge, I feel like I am playing a really under the radar game and it will make people come to me and ask me to vote with them if the game does break down into two sides, which I think it will. I trust Julia and Trixie the most right now and Trixie has two FREAKING idols omg. I also trust Mitch and Autumn but they are my secondary alliance which I will fall back on if I lose Trixie and Julia

Ok so no one is really messaging me about the vote, which is scary. I don't want to be first merge boot. The only people who have spoke to me are Matt, which he is confused, and Jake, which says no one really spoke to him about the vote yet. I did hear that people thought Ben and I were close, which like we have voted together, but aren't to close. I know now that Trixie has an idol and someone found the merge idol so FUN. I CAN'T WAIT TO BE FIRST MERGE BOOT.

Me starting a grassroots movement of Ben vs Heather cause I'm not aligned with either? Yep. Me forcing people to show their hands and make choices? Absolutely https://68.media.tumblr.com/41399c7dcc99b69388de05d609f7323c/tumblr_inline_o6ola1oDhw1sso1z7_500.gif Look none of these votes will be easy cause I like everyone and I'm aligned with almost everyone but it's Survivor I ain't scurd. I neeevvveerrr talk to Ben or Heather so I'm just gonna be a swing vote in the mess I created. Also feel free to give me the villain edit that's the one thing I haven't accomplished in Athena, besides winning or beating my placement. If not that's cool too I'll just continue to be my messy antihero self. Ok bye! Time to disappear and let the drama fester while I'm at work

You know what would be great, if more people would know who the vote is gonna be. Won't be surprised if that is me to be quite honest. Right now I hear Ben and if that is the only name I hear, I'll do it.

i never thought i'd say this but I WANNA HEX JULIA THE WITCH. okay not really bc i dont want her to read this and think im actually mad. but im wary of what i say to her now considering she told heather about my idol hehe

The votes for me cuz Beckka is bitter over another game. At least in that game I didn't isolate her. I'm prob just gonna cry in a corner.

This is a mess

this round has been a fucking mess and a half and im too busy rn trying to save my ass to make it all sophisticated i have a lot to say so if i stay ill explain everything later but basically autumn came to me today saying she wants to flip on ben so im trying to rally eddie trixie shoib julia and heather to get 7 on ben but apparently ben is throwing my name out bc he doesnt want to vote heathwr and immm fucking nervous idek if heather will wanna vote ben now if hes trying to save her what if she flips like this is bad help

The first merge vote is stressful as fuck cus there’s 12 people. I’m fine as long as it’s not me.

Don't know what's going on. Voting heather and hoping it works!!!!!

Good god am I glad I'm immune for this bullshit Let's start with merge. Woo merge! The idol system is announced. I actually make progress on the advantage hunt! Then I finish it. And someone already has it. GREAT So then I try the idol hunt and someone ALSO has it! GREATER. So now I have to worry about that shit. So I won immunity somehow because I guess preparing was a good idea since I blew through the second round. I won't be first merge boot in Athena woo!!! But now the vote is fucking crazy. I want to vote out Heather because, as sweet as she is, she's got a lot of ears listening for info for her and it's better to get someone like that out early before it's too late. But people don't want to because they're the ears! Big surprise. People are between Jake and Ben and Heather and honestly? I want to keep Ben around a little more. My plan for now is to not have one big alliance, but rather to be a part of small trio alliances so people can have my back without the worry of a huge alliance fracturing. I just have to keep the trio members safe. My planned trios are as follows: Ben, Mo, myself Shoib, Autumn, myself Rebecka, Julia, myself (WIP) That's 7 people who have my back in varying circumstances, as long as they're being truthful. I've also been alerted to a greater alliance of Matt, Ben, Julia, Mo, and Rebecka. Hopefully this trio plan will help me get in with those people more, and perhaps in the close future I can take out Matt and get rid of that variable.

i made merge!! its lit!! there hasnt been a lot going on so far. nobodys really reached out to me and ive been so busy so im just going with what rebecka wants, which is heather. i’m not sure voting heather is a good move for me, in fact i know its not, but unfortunatelt i dont have the time to make another move and im just tryin to survive

What is going on here on this day? This is a mess and i'm just on the train a long for the ride. I'm hearing Ben, Jake, and Heather, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's me tonight. Like I'm sure they're afraid of Jake having an idol, so why not throw their votes on someone who's irrelevant at the moment and who probably wouldn't see it coming? Anyway, I HIGHLY doubt Ben is leaving tonight, and I don't really believe that the votes are going on Heather or Jake, idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk. I really hope Jake stays, and I really hope Ben goes or I am probably screwed af.

EPISODE 11 (PART 2) - “ FIRST YOU GET THE IDOL. THEN YOU GET THE IMMUNITY. THEN YOU GET THE WIN.” - ED

http://insidesurvivor.com/sarah-lacina-retrospective-25209

Huh I ctrl-f'd "truth" "honesty" and "trust" but they weren't there. Weird. It's almost like she wasn't any of those things, just a flop on a power trip. But you know whatever. Who needs an idol anyway, no one ever votes for the goat.

I'm suddenly ALIVE

WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS GAME WANT ME TO FUCKING QUIT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT TWO FUCKING TIMES I MAKE A BIG MOVE AN IDOL PLAY I WORK ON IT SO MUCH AND BAM FUCKING FAKE TRIBAL TRIBAL DOESNT FUCKING COUNT THIS IS SO UNFAIR TO ME I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE ITI HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT ITS SO FUCKING UNFAIR ITS SO FUCKING UNFAIR ITS SO FUCKING UNFAIR MY AUCTION ITEM WASNT EVEN ACTUALLY USED

FUCK YOU HOSTS. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD, I WOULD HAVE FUCKING WON, BUT FUCK Y'ALL.

I am still SHOOK about this whole simulator thing. We didn't lose Melissa, Payton exposed their self as a snake, and we have majority. What was really interesting was that Payton tells our alliance that she had the Amity idol, that it was in 2 halves and you had to combine them in order to use it. AND THEN IT GETS PLAYED AT THAT TRIBAL COUNCIL!! There was no effort for secrecy, and it didnt seem too thought out because even if Melissa had gone, it still would have been 4-3 with Lucy, Geo, and Payton in the minority. This definitely gave the game some flavor. I just hope there is still a way for me to make it to the end

I'm literally just going to tell peolpe to vote me off lol

I hate immunity and most of all, I fucking hate Lake. You didn't need to say my name when you did you bitter asshole. Calm the fuck down, at least I'm TRYING to play a game instead of hiding behind Eliza and hoping I somehow get to F2.

Meet the new round, same as the old round. Minus the whole fractured BH5 group, natch.

Won reward again, check. Got the Candor idol again, check. Won immunity again, check. Lake is threatening to leak false information to Lucy and it's a bad look for me if she runs with it, because then Payton likely chooses to run with that and idols the wrong person. That'd mean it's likely Payton going. And while that would be easiest for my game, by far... I'm super not comfortable with that. She's been my ride or die since the hop. It'd be terrible form to abandon her as soon as a plan doesn't work out.

On the other hand... I've gotten fairly tight with BH5. Melissa, especially, but Eliza and Jill are rad as well. I can't wait to find out who they really are, because I feel like we're all fairly in lock-step as far as this game goes.

Not feeling the Lake love, though. I get why he was pulled in, but he's running directly contra to mine and Payton's best interests. And he's leaks info like whoa. It's like BH5 is a boat and Payton was busted drilling holes in it. And now, the leakiest option is here to patch the hole.

I don't think I truly needed this immunity. But it's another feather in my cap if I can make the end. The fact that I won both competitions twice proves that it wasn't a fluke (even though it totally was.) Editing two videos for the All-Stars music video comp meant that I was more or less disengaged from the trivia from 4pm until 9. And my Internet at the office is so bad that in the time it'd take for a Google page to load, the question would already be answered and awarded. So hey, good thing I built myself up such a buffer.

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place here. Usually the right move shines through at me, but right now everything is murky. A part of me wishes the girls would just lie to me and blindside Payton, so I could have the ignorance to fall back on. I almost wonder if they wouldn't deliberately give me the wrong target out of fear it'd get back to Payton. But they can't afford to be wasting votes they have, can they?

I also can't just do what Payton did and flip. It'd be game suicide right now. Payton probably got Otto's vote at the end, and maybe Dani's, at the expense of the BH5 girls. But hey, it was a plan she wanted to put in motion, and it could've had some net positives if not for the Divergent sim reset.

I think my best bet is to make the end with Payton. We've been seen as this inseparable duo since the start, but I can win against her because, while I think her social game may have been better, her only REALLY visible strategic play backfired. She'll undoubtedly try to throw me under the bus for knowing about it, at which point I can say that I set myself up to be okay even if it failed. And then of course, comp wins. The trick will be convincing people that it wasn't a #boring way of playing.

If not Payton, then Melissa. We've been more or less on the same page strategically, but my comp game has been undeniably better, and I think the one point where my game's been weak – the blindside courtesy of Dani that was offset – would be cancelled by Melissa's blindside courtesy of Payton that was offset.

I don't think I can beat Eliza or Jill. Both have incredible social games and, I think, are seen as the driving strategic forces in BH5. And I think I can beat any of Lucy, Lake and Geo.

The more I write this out, the more it makes sense for me to flip. I think I can beat everyone on one side of the coin but not the other. So why am I so attached to a bunch of sockpuppets that I can't envision directly flipping on them?

The easiest solution this round would be a literal repeat of last round, albeit without Mel taking the fall. Let's do the same as last week only take out Lake first. That would be so much easier to deal with.

The more I think about this, the more I think I'm screwed either way. My jury management sucks.

Of those on jury now, I might get Kyle. Maybe Dani. Not Otto. And then either I get to the end with BH4, which means Payton (and by extension Geo and Lucy) are probably upset at me. That's three votes I probably won't get, plus Otto... that's a loss.

OTOH, if I flip on BH4 now? That's Jill, Eliza and Melissa I probably lose. Them plus Otto... that's a loss.

The only way out of this is if BH4 gives me (I can somehow convince Payton that I was fed) false information and the P/G/L side idol the wrong person, causing her to go home.

Otherwise, my game is over this round. The downsides of playing both sides it that it can really come to bite you in the ass when everyone is sure you're with them.

Never before have I hoped more that someone doesn't trust me as much as I think they do.

So Jill or Lake is going home next, we know that. It just depends on who Jill plays her idol on :)

None of those fuckers are getting my vote at ftc if I go home today, especially ed bc he'd have lied to me.

Let's be honest I'm probably dying again. A lot is happening as a result of Payton flipping and a new idol being in play and of course my death. Lake is supposedly on our side now, feeding us information about Lucy. Let's be real, I don't trust it but I need him to think I do. I used my vote sneak on Lucy to see where she goes, and Jill says she'll use her idol this week if necessary. Right now it's 90 minutes until tribal and Lucy hasn't voted yet. And I NEED her to vote to know what I'm doing from there. All of this is just an effort to make f7. I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do from there but what I've been asking for since the very beginning has finally happened. The game got real.

Listen, this better be an episode title. We're playing the idol on Lucy, praying she's actually the target. If this goes right, it's #samegamedifferentname. If it goes wrong... I'm going home.

I think I'm leaving so I'm voting Lake in case what Ed says is true and it's lucy, and in case jill plays her idol. Bye world

I hate lake

I'm probably going home this week. i went to lake with a plan to vote out payton just so i was the one who didn't get votes, and now he seems to think he has melissa and eliza on board with his plan but i don't know why they would do that and i honestly don't think they take him seriously enough as a player idk.. honestly i really just want one of them gone and i want to try and flip my position in this game but idk if this week is the week to do it. i also really don't trust ed and i want him out and i feel like cutting payton would be a good move to getting him out since they're besties. OK SO I JUST DECIDED. IM GOING TO VOTE PAYTON, AND NOT USE MY IDOL. OR I AM GOING TO VOTE JILL. IDK I AM SO STRESSSSSSED <<<<<

I'm taking credit for erring those two idols and Payton out of the game I put in the work and it paid off. This round went perfectly.