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annoyinglandmagazine · 2 months

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A Song Only You Can Hear 7

He was awash with nerves, running lines through his head again and again despite being made aware multiple times that there were only going to be six or so people to see him make a fool of himself and all of them were obsessed with Shakespeare as an entry level requirement so it wasn’t as if they’d find him reciting love sonnets embarrassing in and of itself.

Still, he was restless, which meant in his case a lot of moving around the narrow room and doing things that he did not need to, such as probing the decidedly dying embers of the fire, that had at last been lit during the nights as they entered November, and very little accomplishment of whatever task he was attempting to complete. In this case getting dressed.

Maedhros was looking at him with his eyebrows raised in disbelief, ‘Fingon you cannot possibly have mistaken that for your shirt, the sleeves go to your fingertips!’

He blinked rapidly to clear the fog of sleep dragging at his eyelids while trying to make sense of the words being said to him, ‘Hmmm? Oh! Right….so sorry Maedhros, this is yours I guess, huh?’

‘You’re grand, it’s not as if I don’t have others,’ he chuckled softly while tossing him one from the pressed pile by the desk.

The bell was clanging rather agressively outside, matron always seemed unusually enthusiastic to rouse them out of bed kicking and screaming to his mind, what difference did it make to her anyway?

Maedhros rushed to straighten his tie, already perfectly straight to begin with of course, ‘Now make haste, I am not letting you get us a mark for tardiness!’

He yanked the shirt over his head only partly unbuttoned and scrambled to put on his own, missing several buttons along the way, and his hands fumbled so much over the tie that Maedhros, bouncing on the tips of his toes with anxiety at the idea of getting chewed out for something, sighed and smacked his hands away, ‘You’re making a complete hames of it, let me,’ sounding exasperated but more fond than genuinely frustrated.

He stood still as he could while Maedhros made quick work of it, tucking it into his blazer and Fingon did not realise he had forgotten to breath until Maedhros drew back to grab his satchel; he found himself pulling air into his lungs as if he’d been suffocated.

He yanked his own off his desk just as Glorfindel poked his head in the doorway, ‘Having a lie in are we boys? What an example you’re setting Maedhros, violating the sanctity of your office-’

Glorfindel promptly had a sock thrown at his head and tossed it right back with a laugh as they shut the door behind them and began to move towards the dining hall, pulling Ecthelion along with him (did they always travel as a pair? It rather seemed like it sometimes, though he supposed he and Maedhros were becoming not so very different).

‘Do we truly need the dramatics so early in the morning?’ Maedhros gave a rather excellent impression of Fingon’s mother sometimes.

‘This coming from Maglor Feanorion’s brother?’

‘Exactly. At least here I shouldn’t be subjected to it around the clock.’

‘Ecthelion’s musical fanaticism down the hall must have been a disappointment for you in that regard then.’ The aforementioned Ecthelion made a face and Maedhros shot him a commiserating smile.

‘Ecthelion doesn’t practice past midnight.’

‘Ecthelion’s also not as good,’ the aforementioned Maglor Feanorian seemed to emerge behind us from the shadows at the sound of his name.

Ecthelion took exaggerated offence making an effort to emphasise the rather striking amount of inches he had on the younger and, from what I had heard Ecthelion himself admit in the common room when Maglor was in his own dorm and not in a position to overhear, more naturally talented musician.

(‘Honestly,’ he’d groaned to Duilin while in a phase of ruthlessly editing the piece he’d been writing until it was scarcely recognisable as more than black ink, ‘that boy… I should very much like to know what they put in the water back at Formenos because it is entirely unfair for him to be that good.’ Maedhros had tried very hard to smother a proud little smirk from the armchair where he had notes strewn across his lap that he had not so much as underlined in ten minutes, choosing instead to ever so unobtrusively eavesdrop on the goings on around him . Fingon noticed these things.)

He rolled his eyes dismissively, ‘Watch yourself firstie. Maedhros, tell your brother to respect his elders!’

Maedhros sighed in a fond manner that reminded Fingon rather vividly of his mother hearing about the trouble her children had got into; he liked to think he was a good eldest son in that it was only directed towards him on occasion but in reality that was most likely a result of Aredhel commanding all the exasperation of the household.

He thought he probably loved her that smidge extra for how easy it was to look neat and respectable next to her penchant for white petticoats that were inevitably snagged in briars and trailed through mud until their original colour was hard to discern, leaves and twigs sticking from her loose hair.

Turgon certainly had the opposite effect; he should have been the first born, he already looked most like to take their father’s lead by going into politics and had the maturity, much remarked on by relatives and tutors alike, of a grown man (in his slightly uncharitable opinion a quite remarkably old man with no sense of humour).

He was struck by a sharp stab envy for Maedhros, who had his brother right in front of him, unreasonable as it was because he knew his friend missed the other brothers as much as he did his siblings.

He knew because Maedhros had actually told him, something that had taken him aback for a moment, being very unfamiliar with people directly trying to talk about thoughts like that with someone their own age, but left him feeling strangely excited at them same time; he felt as if he suddenly had permission of a form to say things that he would not normally feel he could broach for mortification.

The fire crackled and hummed with a bright red glow at their feet with a branch persistently hammering against the window behind his pillow as he whispered all his ponderings and worries to the shadows shifting on the flaking ceiling.

Weren’t they all homesick, they must be even though to actually say it would certainly get anyone strange looks and an unholy amount of teasing. It wasn’t that he was unhappy per say, he got on with everyone even better than at his last school, the activities were fun even though the food was awful and Maedhros was perfect.

He still felt horribly cheated that he had to treasure the letters he received once a week, trace the distinct slopes and scrawls, flourishes and clumsy print, try to hear the voice of the author in their little quirks because it would be another month before he heard it in person again, when he had once been accustomed to take breaks from his governess in his father’s study or his mother’s parlour when he grew tired.

He wasn’t a crybaby though, not like the first years could sometimes get away with being at times, and he only ever discussed this hesitantly. He’d begun to get an image of Maedhros’ own family in these evenings, though he seemed to guard these details tightly himself it seemed to be some different reason altogether, what he couldn’t hazard a guess to.

Maedhros chuckled, a little of that tension slipping away, ‘Be nice Kano,’ he chided with a ruffling of unruly dark curls that earned him a pout and smack on the arm. Maglor’s flush of embarrassment at being chastised by his older brother in the halls when he slinked back over to his friends seemed to vindicate Ecthelion’s sensibilities enough for him to huff and shake his head.

‘Children, these days. None of us were ever that cocky I’m sure.’ He seemed slightly aware of the irony of the statement as a fifteen year old himself from the sly smile pulling at his lips.

*******

He had been running through his lines again and then his thoughts had wandered to- well he couldn’t quite remember what exactly, something vaguely to do with Shakespeare somehow in a series of connections that would not have made much sense if he tried to explain them. The upshot of this was, of course, that he ended up looking up at the dusty blackboard for the first time in ten minutes and understood precisely nothing that was on it.

Just how exactly had they gotten that answer and how was he supposed to replicate it with the additional sums everyone else had already started on?

He took a few seconds to gaze at it in confusion, hoping it would slot itself together (it didn’t), before he realised that if he looked bewildered his teacher may pick up on it and as Mr Caldwell was one of the three professors in the school who took the most satisfaction out of the cane resting against his desk this was not a situation that he saw playing out well for him.

He made to copy them into his notebook, so he could appear to be working and when Mr Caldwell by a stroke of luck got up to fetch some spare sheets from the storeroom down the hall he wasted no time in taking advantage of the opening to lean over Maedhros’ shoulder and whisper softly as he could in his ear.

‘I’m sorry to bother you but I really don’t understand what we’re doing right now. Could you explain it to me please?’

He shot him his warmest, pleading smile that had always let him get away with pure bloody murder when employed towards most adults. Though from his position with his chin just at Maedhros’ shoulder it would not be visible to the other boy he was fairly certain Maedhros knew him well enough to infer that it was there.

Maedhros went very still for a moment (was it his imagination or did his cheeks flush a few shades brighter?) and Fingon wondered if he should repeat the question but decided to wait a few seconds longer. He was giddy with the proximity, the red curls tickling his face and the scent of the soap his roommate used filling his senses.

He whispered haltingly back, tilting his head away a little to Fingon’s inexplicable disappointment, ‘I, uh,’ he glanced down at his notes and slid them onto Fingon’s desk with an anxious glance at the door, ‘right, of course, so you just need to….’

He gathered his thoughts quickly and patiently began to talk him through it, mindful not to disturb anyone around them by speaking with their heads bent close together. Finally Maedhros said that he’d gotten it, his answer matched his own, and seemed very pleased with himself for a moment as he tried to cross check one more.

They were interrupted by Caldwell’s footsteps forewarning his return, something he suspected they would have missed entirely had Glorfindel not leaned over, ‘Psst! Might want to move back to your desk there old boy, unless you feel like getting caught!’

When the door swung open he looked over the diligent heads bent over their work with a suspicious glare before striding down the centre of the room and using his newly acquired chalk to scrawl the next series of numbers across the board and continue the lesson.

He risked one grin towards Maedhros with a mouthed thank you which was met with a quick don’t mention it. Just as he was looking up at the board so as not to miss anything this time round, however, he was met by a distinctly odd glance from someone from one of the West dorms that he vaguely recognised from tryouts. ‘What did I do to him?’ he wondered, the furrowed brow and wrinkled nose lingering in the back of his mind for the duration of the day.

#silmarillion #tolkien #maedhros #fingon #maedhros x fingon #russingon #a song only you can hear #victorian au

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cuthian · 2 years

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A Song Only You Can Hear Chapter Twenty-One

Guys, this is it.

The final chapter. The whole series is done. This is madness, y'all. I've been working on this for two years.

I apologize for the delay: I wasn't in the mood for JatP for a while, and there was some minor drama with an emergency surgery and my leg that refused to work for a while, and I switched jobs in the middle of that, so.. life's been crazy for a bit.

Anyway, to everyone who has been here with me throughout the entire series, thank you so much. I love you all, and I don't think I would've been able to finish this without the unwavering support you all showed me! Thank you to everyone who's been listening to me bitch about this series and this work for months and years on end. You know who you are and I love you all, you're saints.

I'll not keep you longer.

Enjoy, darlings.

Love Annaelle

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TWENTY-ONE EPILOGUE

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

– Gandalf the Grey

23 JANUARY 2021 (7:35 a.m.)

REGGIE

Reggie blinked lazily as Dmitri spoke to the ghosts gathered in front of the stage in the Club, feeling utterly exhausted and nervous and jittery at the same time. After Caleb and the man with the mask had disappeared, the Club had ceased crumbling around them, and chaos had broken loose when the Club ghosts had realized that their ties to Caleb and the Club had been severed.

Several of them had immediately poofed away, and some others had burst into tears, completely overwhelmed by the sudden freedom that’d been returned to them.

Reggie, Luke and Alex had managed to grab Willie, in the confusion, and had been planning to poof them back to Julie’s for safety, to regroup, to make sure they were all still there and in one piece, but Dmitri had stopped them before they could, sending a pulse of electricity through their glowing cuffs to remind them that the accusations against had not yet been dropped, and that leaving now would probably not end well for them.

That was how Reggie had interpreted it anyway.

Instead, they’d retreated to a relatively private corner to check each other over, so they could all hug Willie tight and thank whatever deity was out there for letting them stop Caleb from destroying him.

Dmitri had found them there again hours later and had removed the cuffs, although he had insisted they listen to what the Spectral Police had to say before they left. That was how Reggie found himself standing in the midst of a group of Club ghosts—Willie’s friends, he was relatively sure—as Dmitri and a ghost with weird, scary eyes explained what would be happening now that Caleb’s dominion over Los Angeles had been broken.

Alex was holding his hand in one hand and Willie’s in his other, squeezing so tightly his fingers tingled just a little, though it was oddly comforting too.

Luke had his arms wrapped around Reggie’s shoulders, pressed up against his back and absolutely refusing to move, no matter how many disapproving looks the various Spectral Police agents gave him during the course of the long, long speech. There had been some explanation of their own story, and the decision to allow them to be free, as long as they agreed to be trained in their powers—Reggie wasn’t exactly looking forward to that, because his power made him feel a little gross, but they’d agreed to the demand nonetheless.

They’d also suffered through several of the ghosts at the Club’s somewhat long winded stories and finally got to listen to Willie’s story.

Willie’s story had nearly made him cry.

It had made Luke cry, but then everything made Luke cry, so Reggie felt marginally better about how well he’d been able to keep it together. Alex had only tugged Willie closer while he’d been talking, setting his hand on Willie’s and squeezing it tightly.

He couldn’t wait to get away from here, to get back to Julie’s and to hug her and his sister and baby Reggie, because for a good long while, he’d been so scared he was never going to get to again.

“You are all free to do with your afterlives as you please,” Dmitri concluded, drawing Reggie’s attention back towards him. “It is imperative that you keep to the Laws ratified in 1607 for the safety of all ghosts—the breaking of the code will lead to imprisonment or termination, depending on the gravity of your crimes. If you are unsure of these laws, an official from the Spectral Police will remain in Los Angeles until a new deputy has been appointed.”

He fell silent for a moment, apparently waiting for anyone to raise questions or protest before he nodded. “Very good. You are all free to go,” his eyes strayed to Reggie and the others and Reggie could’ve sworn he saw the corners of his mouth turn up just the tiniest bit, breaking that emotionless facade he’d held every other time Reggie had seen him. “All of you are free to go.”

Reggie let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was still holding, sagging back into Luke and squeezing Alex’s hand back just as tightly. “We can go home,” Reggie breathed, still not quite believing the words, even as he spoke them out loud.

Willie was nodding furiously and Luke was humming happily, like he couldn’t quite contain the music that always lived inside him anymore, and Alex was leaning his entire side against Reggie’s, resting their heads together too. “We get to go home,” Luke repeated, his chest vibrating against Reggie’s back. “We can go see Julie and Maggie and the others.”

“We should go,” he insisted, wiggling in Luke’s stubborn embrace, trying to turn to face him. “We should go right now, it’s morning, Julie’s probably not at school yet, we can see her before she goes!”

When Luke refused to budge, Reggie turned pleading eyes on an unsuspecting and clearly unprepared Willie, who floundered a little before turning to Alex. “That’s not fair, how—how am I supposed to say no to him when he looks like that?!” He gestured towards Reggie impatiently, as if to encompass Reggie’s everything, and Reggie narrowly managed to suppress the urge to grin.

He might be a bit ditzy, but he knew the look worked on Alex and Luke and he was pretty stoked to find out Willie wasn’t immune either.

Alex let out a long suffering sigh and gave Reggie a look that told him Alex knew exactly what he was doing and he was only getting away with it because he was cute. “You’re not,” he told Willie with an eye roll. “It’s impossible. We’ve been trying since we were kids.”

Reggie beamed and wiggled happily, leaning back into Luke, who was chuckling softly.

“So we can go see Julie?” He asked again, looking between Alex and Willie eagerly.

Willie blinked again, shooting another helpless glance towards Alex and Luke, who were both equally unhelpful, before he shook his head and sighed. “I guess we can, but let me go first? Let me tell her that you’re coming and you’re safe, so you don’t give her a heart attack by just poofing into the room.”

Reggie pouted, as if that hadn’t been his exact plan, and muttered, “I wouldn’t have scared her.”

“Sure baby,” Luke chuckled, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Let’s go with Willie’s plan though. You know how loud she screams when we startle her.”

Reggie wrinkled his nose but conceded the point and resigned himself to standing in place for a while longer. Willie smiled fondly at him, and Reggie’s insides did something warm and squiggly, not unlike the acrobatics they pulled when Luke and Alex smiled at him, and he wondered how it’d take them to reach that point too. Willie, clearly, wasn’t there yet, and Reggie didn’t mind waiting until he was.

They had all the time in the world now, didn’t they?

Willie pecked Alex’s cheek and said, “I’ll come get you guys when I’ve talked to her, okay?” before he poofed out, leaving them by themselves. Reggie sighed, and then reached out a hand to Alex, who had let go of his hand a little earlier to use both of his own to hold Willie, and wiggled his fingers insistently. “‘lex, too far,” he complained, pouting right up until Alex gave in, sliding his fingers between Reggie’s and stepping right up to him, curling his other hand around Reggie’s neck to pull him in for a kiss.

Reggie hummed happily against Alex’s lips, feeling a little dizzy because he had Alex right in front of him, holding him, kissing him, and Luke pressed close against his back and it was everything he’d ever wanted and more and he wasn’t sure what to do with the bubbly, mildly overwhelming feeling of happiness that was boiling over in him.

Alex kissed him deeply and firmly and Reggie fell into it like he always did, because he liked it when Alex took charge a little, kissed him the way Alex wanted to kiss him, reaching up to clutch at Alex’s shirt, holding on for dear life. They kissed until Reggie was unreasonably breathless and Luke was making little protesting noises, evidently feeling left out.

“What,” Alex hissed when he pulled back, glaring a little at Luke.

Reggie didn’t have to be looking at Luke to know he was pouting when Luke said, “You’re leaving me out. Just wanted to remind you I’m here, that's all.”

Reggie huffed a laugh at the look Alex gave Luke, before Alex abruptly moved forward and pressed his lips to Luke’s over Reggie’s shoulder. Luke gave a surprised, muffled squeak and Reggie made a noise not unlike a mouse that’d been stepped on as he stared, trapped between them.

Dear God, how was he supposed to survive dating both of them?

They had absolutely no right to look this good together.

“I was gone for like five minutes,” Willie’s amused voice broke Reggie from his wide-eyed stare, and Luke and Alex broke apart too, though much slower and more reluctantly, all three of them turning to blink at Willie. The other ghost had both eyebrows raised at them, hands pushed into his pockets, although he was smiling too, clearly amused.

Reggie’s cheeks flushed and he wondered just how long Willie had been standing there, how long he’d been watching them, and he found, a little to his own surprise, that he wouldn’t have minded if Willie had been watching when Alex kissed him either. “We had a traumatic few days,” Luke piped up finally, loosening his grip on Reggie to grin at Willie. “Can’t blame us for taking a bit of comfort in each other.”

Alex snorted and rolled his eyes. “You mean whining until you got your way.”

Luke beamed. “It worked, didn’t it?”

“Okay,” Willie interrupted before Alex could say anything snarky in reply. “As amusing as this is, you guys have someone waiting to see you.”

Reggie perked up immediately, bouncing over to Willie. “She was still at home? Can we go see her?”

Luke and Alex seemed snapped from their mood too, both looking up eagerly at Willie, who was smiling fondly at them. “Yeah,” he nodded. “She’s waiting for you guys. And don’t be surprised if she’s somehow managed to amass everyone by the time we get back there.”

Alex wrinkled his nose. “It’s been like two minutes.”

Willie gave him a deadpan look. “Exactly.”

Reggie laughed and Luke snorted, shaking his head in amusement. “Alright,” Alex chuckled, stepping closer again. “Let’s go. I wanna see everyone too.”

Reggie bounced closer, nerves bubbling in his stomach as he curled his fingers around Alex’s, tugging Luke along with him. His boyfriend went along easily, plastering himself against Reggie’s back again even as Alex reached for Willie with his free hand. It wasn’t really necessary for them to hold hands while they poofed somewhere, but after everything, Reggie had a feeling he wasn’t the only one who needed the reassurance of physical contact.

And even if he was, he was lucky enough to have a set of—potential—boyfriends that loved him enough to go along with his need to be very clingy with all of them for a while.

“Let’s go home,” Luke whispered, and Willie smiled a soft, unfairly attractive smile at him and Reggie was so gone on all of these boys it wasn’t even funny anymore.

Being teleported with someone else guiding the journey was still a dizzying thing, and even when that someone was Willie, who loved them and who was careful with them, Reggie’s head was still spinning and he felt a little like he was gonna be sick—you know, if that had been a thing he could still do.

He barely had a chance to catch his breath though, because as soon as he caught a glimpse of Julie’s familiar, brightly decorated bedroom walls, there was a loud, ear piercing squeal and two forms slammed into them, sending the group of them tumbling to the ground in a messy pile.

“Ow,” Alex, who had ended up at the bottom of the pile, complained, but Reggie could tell he was smiling, even though his vision was currently obscured by a cloud of curly hair.

“I was so worried!” Julie sobbed, digging her fingers into Reggie’s arm, pressing harder into them. “It can’t be over just like that!” She pushed upwards a little, consequently shoving Flynn to the ground, and glared down at them. “Are you sure it’s over?”

“Caleb’s gone,” Luke said from somewhere within the pile, voice a little muffled. “He was the one that got us into trouble in the first place, and with Dmitri on our side, it’s easier to get them to listen to us.” He then yelped when Alex moved, clearly fed up with his friends using him as a body pillow, and shoved upwards, dislodging everyone and sending them all rolling onto the floor.

Reggie landed on his back, one leg stuck under Julie's bed at an awkward angle and his hand still trapped under Willie and stared up at the ceiling with a dopey grin as Luke and Alex began griping at each other and Julie began scolding them and demanding more details about everything that had happened at the club before they’d made it back.

It was messy and loud and chaotic and Reggie loved it.

They were home.

————

“Peace is a journey of a thousand miles and it must be taken one step at a time.” —Lyndon B. Johnson

23 JANUARY 2021 (12:37 p.m.)

JULIE

Julie’s hands were only shaking a little bit as she reached out for Luke’s, Emily’s bloodshot but keen eyes fixed on her every move. The moment had been long in the making, and she was sure that they were all feeling the tension of it—Reggie, Alex and Willie were waiting outside, because as much as they all wanted to be there for Luke, this was something between him and his parents.

And, by necessity, Julie.

She could tell the instant Luke became visible. Emily let out a fragile little sound, pressing her hands to her lips as she stared at her son with wide, tearful eyes. Behind her, Mitch was staring at Luke in utter disbelief, like, despite everything, he hadn’t quite believed until he’d seen Luke appear in front of him.

“Mom,” Luke breathed, lower lip trembling and his eyes already filled with tears, “Dad.”

“Oh, my boy,” Emily sobbed, getting to her feet unsteadily, ignoring her husband and son as they tried to steady her, and threw her arms around Luke.

Luke stood frozen for a split-second, as if he hadn’t quite expected this reaction, before he melted into his mom, bursting into tears along with her. Tears stung in Julie’s eyes too, and she watched as Luke’s father took a few unsteady steps forward until he was close enough to envelop his wife and son in his arms, until he was close enough to clutch them to him and until he could press his face into Luke’s hair, like he was breathing him in.

Julie tore her eyes away.

It wasn’t that she begrudged Luke this moment with his parents, with his mother. Far from it, even—Julie was relatively sure that she understood better than anyone how Luke had felt before he’d been able to have this moment with his mom. Better even than Maggie, who had spent most of her life wishing for a chance to find out what had happened to her brothers, who had spent most of her waking hours since the boys had been killed wishing for another chance, because it was different, wasn’t it?

Maggie had lost her brothers, but Luke and Julie had lost their mothers.

It was different.

So no… it wasn’t that she begrudged Luke the moment. It was just that she wished, more than anything else, that she would be granted a similar moment. Her greatest desire was still to turn back time, just far enough to find her mom and hug her and never let her go again.

She swallowed thickly and left Luke and his parents, giving them the privacy that matched the intimacy of the moment, tears burning in her eyes the entire time. As soon as she stepped out of the house and onto the porch, the other boys swarmed around her and she was drawn into a tight hug by Alex, who set his chin on the top of her head and whispered, “Thank you,” with such feeling it very nearly made Julie cry all on its own.

When Alex released her, Reggie and Maggie took his place almost immediately, but not quite fast enough that she didn’t catch a glimpse of Dmitri standing stone faced at the far end of the porch.

They hadn’t taken any chances this time.

Dmitri and a revolving door of other Spectral Police ghosts had visited the studio on a daily basis while she was at school, teaching the boys about the various laws that were implemented for ghosts after their passing and how to control their powers and appearances so they weren’t entirely dependant on Julie’s interference anymore.

They weren’t quite good at maintaining the appearance themselves yet, which was why they’d needed her here today, but she could tell it made all of them—especially Reggie and his especially destructive powers—feel better about learning to control this new aspect of their existence.

Dmitri had been the one that granted Luke special permission to see his mom.

He had insisted he be there too, because emotions could run high, and they’d all seen what big emotions were capable of doing to the boys’ powers. None of them wanted to take any sort of risks with Emily and Mitch or any of the other lifers, so Dmitri was here, pretending he didn’t feel anything at all, even though they were all at least a little misty-eyed.

She buried her face back against Alex’s chest and fisted her hands in the back of his hoodie, allowing herself a moment to breathe through the heartache witnessing Luke’s reunion with his parents had inadvertently caused her. Alex seemed to understand without her needing to say anything and just held her tighter, and when she finally did pull away, it was to find Maggie and T’Nia sitting on the front steps together and Reggie and Willie leaning against each other next to Dmitri, who seemed to be patiently answering questions about whatever had sparked Reggie’s curiosity this time.

“How long should we give them?” She asked Alex quietly, reluctant to break the quiet bubble they’d created.

He shrugged a little, eyes flitting between Reggie and Willie and the front door. “I’m sure he’ll come out when he’s ready. He’ll let us know when—”

His mouth snapped shut when the front door swung open and Luke tumbled outside, his hair a mess and his eyes rimmed with red. “She—” he choked, a smile on his face, “Reg, Alex, she wants to see you. And Willie too, obviously,” he he added, beckoning them inside, and Reggie and Alex nearly tripped all over themselves in their rush to join their best friend—boyfriend? Julie wasn’t sure anymore—while Willie chuckled, following at a more sedate pace.

Julie chuckled too, and it felt like something… something settled, in her heart, in her soul, so deeply that she didn’t quite have words for it, something she wouldn’t be able to name until she discussed it with Luke, probably, and turned it into music instead.

There was a gentle hand on her shoulder then, and she turned, finding Maggie standing behind her.

“You alright?” She asked softly. “That wasn’t—it can’t have been easy.”

Julie shook her head. “No. It wasn’t.” She glanced back towards the door and smiled, genuinely. “But it was right.”

————

“I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.” –John Green

10 MARCH 2021

ALEX

The concert was over, and the music had been good, loud and strong and catchy enough that it managed to silence the anxious little voice that lived in the back of Alex’s head, and he and Luke danced and laughed and kissed, unseen among the thick throng of lifers on the dancefloor until Alex’s head spun, and he was tired and exhilarated in the best way.

Dates with Luke were always like this, energetic and exciting and exhausting, and always left Alex craving the steadiness of Willie’s arms and the sweetness of Reggie’s kisses after, no matter how much he enjoyed spending time with Luke like this again. They were better matched, now, than they had been at fifteen, both of them calmer and more settled and more knowledgeable about themselves. Reggie and Willie balanced them out, helped soothe Alex’s nerves when Luke got too overenthusiastic and loud, and helped settle Luke when Alex’s response wasn’t what he expected it to be, when he didn’t understand Alex’s anxiety.

Alex figured they should probably have realized they needed Reggie—and later on, Willie too—to balance them out a lot sooner. It might’ve saved them all a lot of heartache.

Luke had popped off to see if the band was planning on playing more songs, and Alex leaned back against the wall, letting his eyes travel across the faces in the crowd absently. He vaguely made note of a dark-haired woman—a ghost, he realized when she walked right through a couple that was passionately kissing in the middle of the dancefloor—who was bobbing up and down near the stage, her skin a deep, russet, reddish-brown, beautiful even under the dim lights of the club. His gaze drifted from her to the tall, portly man that was sweating into his hilariously out of place three-piece suit while he glared at the stage, cheeks flushed with heat and annoyance as he tried dodging the various clubgoers and groupies.

There were actually quite a few couples just like him and Luke—albeit alive—dancing and laughing and entirely wrapped up in each other and both men or both women, without a care in the world. It was still a little mind boggling to Alex, and he knew things weren’t perfect, that people like them were still discriminated against continually, but…

He eyed a pair of girls—one of which sported pink hair so bright it lit up even in the dim lights in the club—that were dancing near the edge of the dancefloor, slow dancing with their arms wrapped around each other, comically out of step with the loud rock music that was playing through the speakers, and couldn’t help but smile.

He hadn’t done anything like that with Luke, who probably wouldn’t be able to hold a pace that slow for more than two minutes, but Reggie would probably love it.

Alex made a mental note to take Reggie dancing sometime soon.

His eyes traveled across a tall, dark haired man that was standing on the edge of the crowd, without really seeing him, briefly admiring the sharp line of his jaw and the bright blue of his eyes when the lights hit him just right, before he turned to look for Luke.

He’d taken one step towards the stage, where Luke was hovering over the guitarist’s shoulder, before his memory caught up with what he’d seen and he froze. For one, excruciatingly long, absolutely terrifying heartbeat, Caleb smirked back at him, eyebrows raised in the same mocking expression he’d worn just before Samuel had shown up—and then a flock of college girls passed between them, tittering and giggling as they moved from the dance floor to the bar.

By the time they were gone, so was Caleb. Not that he’d ever really been there to begin with.

Alex had had nightmares about Caleb ever since the man had disappeared—moved on, a little voice that sounded like Dmitri reminded him, he moved on—and it shook him to the core every time, because Alex hadn’t quite realized how much he’d been impacted by what Caleb had done to them until he began seeing him, until Caleb started very nearly haunting him.

Alex let a shuddering breath fall from his lips and ran his shaking hands through his hair, slipping around the corner to the bathrooms. His heart—deader than a damn doornail and yet still trying to kill him—felt like it was simultaneously trying to beat its way out of his chest and trying to lodge itself in his throat, obstructing his breath and making his head spin and his stomach churn. He knew he hadn't really seen Caleb, knew that if Caleb was somehow still around, Dmitri would’ve found him, would've known, but his skin itched with the urge to go back out there and check, to make sure that he’d been seeing things, that Caleb hadn’t cheated the system and returned to Earth just now, ready to tear apart the easy existence Alex was just beginning to settle into with the others.

His stomach turned sharply and he gagged, burying his face in his hands to wait out the wave of nausea. He couldn't really get sick anymore, of course, but his soul remembered the feeling, and it liked to throw the memory of nauseating anxiety attacks at him whenever things like this happened.

He didn’t startle when he heard someone stop right beside him though, and he didn’t pull away when he felt Luke’s fingers wrap around his wrists, offering him the grounding touch he needed to draw himself from his downward spiral. “Take a deep breath,” Luke instructed him calmly, waiting for him to comply before he moved one hand to rub his back gently.

Luke had gotten a lot better at helping Alex manage his anxiety since everything, had settled into knowing that sometimes, all Alex needed was to know he was there. It was comforting, to have his boyfriend sitting right beside him, their bodies pressed close together and reminding Alex what it felt like to breathe normally.

He exhaled in a rush, shaky and unsteady, and shook his head, trying to dispel the image of a smirking, dangerous, terrifying Caleb from his head.

Caleb was gone, he couldn’t come back, he couldn’t hurt them anymore—he couldn’t get his hands on Reggie and force him to use his powers, couldn’t make Luke use his influence, couldn’t bully Alex into causing mayhem with another earthquake—couldn’t tear Willie’s soul to pieces and force him to watch—

And the thing about it was…

Alex remembered dying. He remembered the pain, the nausea, the feeling like someone was forcing glass down his throat, but it’d been nothing compared to being forced to listen to Reggie being tortured, to watching Luke try desperately to get out of their cell and watching him break into a million little pieces when he couldn’t, nothing compared to how he’d felt when he’d thought he was watching Willie be destroyed.

“Alex, come on,” Luke reminded him softly, sliding his hand up from Alex’s back to tangle his fingers in his hair. Alex inhaled a little too sharply at the feeling, his brain abruptly making a U-turn and reminding him of the last time Luke had tangled his fingers in Alex’s hair—it’d been a decidedly more pleasurable occasion than an anxiety attack—and nearly choked on the breath before he managed to exhale with a cough.

“There you go,” Luke smiled, scratching at Alex’s scalp soothingly. “What happened? I was only gone for a minute.”

He looked worried and startled, now that Alex was looking closely, and God, Alex didn’t know what he would’ve done without him. Alex loved him and Luke was his best friend and his boyfriend and probably the love of his life—a title he did have to share with Willie and Reggie—and Alex didn’t ever want to lose him.

“I saw Caleb again,” he whispered plaintively. “I saw him standing right there, like he was just waiting for me to see him, and then—then he was just gone again, but I couldn’t—I can’t shake him.” Luke exhaled sharply and shook his head as he settled beside Alex, leveling him with a serious look while pressing as close as he could physically manage.

“Shit, Alex, that sucks. I’m sorry. I thought—I thought it was getting better?”

Alex shrugged. “I thought it was too. I hadn’t—I haven’t seen him in a while.”

Luke fell silent, tangling their fingers together on Alex’s lap, and pressed a kiss to Alex’s cloth-covered shoulder. “Anything you need right now? Something I can do to make it better?”

Alex shook his head and slumped a little, tucking himself closer to his boyfriend and exhaled. “No,” he whispered. “I’ll bring it up to Carla, but…” He nudged himself a little closer and added, “This is helping already.”

Carla—the ghost therapist that Dmitri had assigned to them when it’d become clear they’d all been extremely affected by their time in Spectral Police custody—would likely have a lot to say about their codependency again, but Alex couldn’t bring himself to care. He knew they were codependent—they had been for years, to the point where they’d even died on the same day.

He sincerely doubted anything was going to change now.

“I’m sorry you’re going through this,” Luke said softly. “I know it’s hard. I still have nightmares too, but… I know you and Reg… I know you were more shaken. And I hate that I can’t make it better. I love you. I don’t wanna lose you.”

Luke was, in a way, not entirely wrong.

Luke’s nightmares were less frequent and often less intense than Alex or Reggie’s, but Luke’s trauma showed itself in different ways. Alex noticed it in the way Luke clung to them, in the way his eyes would dart around to check every corner when they entered a new room, in the way he was just a little more careful about the way he spoke now, and Alex hated that Luke seemed to think his hurt was lesser somehow because he had fewer nightmares.

“You do make it better,” he told Luke firmly, turning towards him so he could look his boyfriend in the eye. “When I wake up, or when I turn around and you’re there, you and Reg and Willie, when you’re right there and I can—I can touch, I can feel—” he broke off and shrugged. “You help.”

Luke’s face did something that looked complicated, like too many emotions flitted through his mind at once before he settled on an expression that was so fond it made Alex’s heart ache a little.

Before he could say anything, Luke swooped forward and kissed him, pressing their lips together in a short, warm kiss that made Alex tingle from head to toe. “I fucking love you,” Luke blurted as soon as they parted, smiling brilliantly. “And I think we should go home, because you look like you need Reggie and Willie cuddles.”

Alex nodded jerkily. “Yes please,” he said eagerly, and Luke laughed again before he eased to his feet, reaching down his hand to pull Alex up as well.

Luke leaned up to his tiptoes once Alex was also standing again and pressed another kiss to his lips before telling him, sweetly, “Let’s go home.” Alex grinned and let the thought of Reggie and Willie, who’d been spending the afternoon together in the L.A. zoo, take over in his mind, thought of the couch and the many evenings they’d spent cuddled together on there since they’d returned to Julie’s, all of them together and separately.

When he blinked his eyes open again, they were standing in the studio, and Reggie and Willie were there too, and something eased inside of Alex’s chest when he caught sight of them, Willie sitting cross legged on his skateboard on the floor while Reggie was perched on the couch with his bass, Luke’s guitar lying on the pillows beside him, Reggie’s songbook propped open against it.

“—and it’s like I just can’t figure it out!” Reggie exclaimed, gesturing wildly, eyes trained on Willie. Willie was looking up at Reggie with veritable heart eyes, just like he had been more and more frequently in the past few weeks. They hadn’t kissed yet, hadn’t moved from extremely close and not entirely platonic friends to boyfriends yet, but Alex knew it was just a matter of time.

“I mean, the lyrics just aren’t making sense,” Reggie was saying, “and I can’t exactly ask Luke to help, he hates country music and Alex would just try to distract me so we can make out—”

Alex’s cheeks flushed—it wasn’t like Reggie was wrong, but Alex always tried to help, he just got distracted by Reggie very easily—and they hadn’t noticed him and Luke yet, and Alex found himself a little grateful for the respite because he didn’t even need to be looking at Luke to know he was smirking at Alex smugly, the bastard.

He opened his mouth to say something, to let them know they were there, but then Willie moved, hopping up onto the couch next to Reggie, grabbing the songbook as he moved. “Alright,” Willie said cheerfully, knocking his shoulder against Reggie’s. “Now bear in mind, the only thing I know about music is what you guys have shown me, but you could just switch this line with that one—” he pointed out something, and Reggie’s forehead crinkled into an adorable frown. “—and then this chord with this one, and you’ll have a whole new song!” Willie finished with a flourish, and Reggie blinked at him for a second before he burst into giggles.

“That’s—” he chuckled, “That’s really not how it works, Willie.”

Willie was laughing too, and Alex felt like he was frozen in place, watching as Willie grinned, bright and beautiful and happy, before he leaned in, catching Reggie’s face in his hands, and kissed him.

Alex’s jaw dropped.

“What?!” Luke demanded as soon as Reggie and Willie broke apart, both grinning casually at each other, like this was something they did every day. “Since when have you two been kissing?”

Reggie looked over, blinking a little in surprise before he broke into a grin and replied, happily, “Since just now, apparently.” He turned back to Willie. “I didn’t think you were there yet, you know, physically? I know it’s different for you. I was cool waiting for you to get there.”

Everyone turned to blink at Reggie.

“What?” Willie choked, and Alex echoed the sentiment, because… what?

Reggie looked between the three of them with a frown. “It takes Willie a while before he’s comfortable with physical stuff,” he said, like it was obvious, like it was something everyone just knew. “I knew he liked me too, but like…” he turned to Willie helplessly, “I asked Julie, and like, she told me all about asexuality and demisexuality and—and like, how some people need some time to get comfortable or to even feel that kind of thing even if they love someone, and I figured since you got there with Alex and Luke, it’d eventually happen for us too.”

Alex felt a little like he’d been smacked over the head with a baseball bat.

“You—” he choked, staring at Willie. “You’re asexual? But we—we’ve—Willie, we’ve had sex loads of times, why—why wouldn’t you have said something?”

“I—” Willie tried, looking wide-eyed between Alex and Reggie. “I don’t—I mean I—Alex, I’ve wanted everything we’ve ever done, okay? Don’t—don’t worry, I—I wanted to. I just—” he shrugged helplessly. “I wouldn’t care if we didn’t either. It’s not that I’m not—” He shook his head and choked, “I don’t know how to explain it, it’s why I never said anything before, I love everything we do, I just—” He looked back at Reggie, “How did you even know?”

Reggie shrugged. “It always takes you a while to warm up to physical stuff. Even hugs and stuff took you a long while, and I noticed you were into Luke long before you started kissing him. And I know you two haven’t slept together yet, so I—I just… figured it out.”

“God, I love you,” Willie blurted, and Reggie flushed a gorgeous, splotchy red, and Alex was still a little dumbfounded, was still trying to process all the new things he’d learned in the past ten minutes, not the least of which was that his boyfriend was asexual and hadn’t told him before they’d slept together, had just… gone along with it whenever Alex made a move.

Still, he managed a fond smile when Willie pressed another quick kiss to Reggie’s lips before bouncing to his feet and hugging Luke in greeting. Alex swallowed thickly and settled on the couch beside Reggie. Reggie grinned at him, still flushed but pleased too, and Alex was helpless in the face of that much cute, so he leaned in to kiss Reggie himself.

Reggie let out a happy giggle against his lips but kissed back, lifting his hand to thread his fingers through Alex’s hair, and Alex couldn’t help but melt into him, moaning very softly against Reggie’s lips. He could feel Reggie’s lips curve into a smile and he grinned too, so they weren’t even really kissing anymore, just laughing against each other’s lips and it was perfect.

They broke apart, still grinning, when Willie shoved at their shoulders playfully on his way back to his spot on the couch. “Sorry,” Reggie smiled, setting his bass down on the little coffee table before leaning back into the couch cushions, grinning like the cat that got the cream. His cheeks were still a little flushed and Alex couldn’t really take his eyes off him.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Willie chuckled. “I like sex with him fine, but next time he’s all grabby and horny, I’m pointing him your way. Your sex drive matches his way better than mine does.” Reggie squeaked and Luke snorted a laugh, and Alex’s cheeks burned.

When he chanced a glance up at Willie, his boyfriend was looking at him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. Alex’s cheeks flushed—it was a bit of a running gag, at this point, how distracted Alex got whenever Reggie blushed and kissed him, and he knew Willie found it equal parts adorable and amusing, and in hindsight, he should’ve figured out Willie didn’t really care about sex at all sooner.

Willie had never really pushed for his attention when it came to heated make outs or sex—once he’d come to terms with Alex’s feelings for Reggie and Luke, he had taken a step back in that regard and Alex wasn’t sure why he hadn’t noticed that before.

“So,” Luke said, throwing himself onto the couch between Alex and Reggie, throwing his arms around both of them—and God, he was ridiculous and Alex loved him and that probably said a lot about him too. “Are we all actually officially dating now?”

Alex looked up at Willie, whose ears were a little red, and then said, “Yeah. I guess we are.”

Willie smiled. “Good.”

————-

21 RISING ARTISTS TO WATCH IN 2021

These are the essential new and rising artists poised to make a major impact in 2021, including Arlo Parks, Teezo Touchdown, Blxst, Serena Isioma, Julie & The Phantoms, reggie, and more.

These 21 artists provided those moments for us during the worst year ever and are poised for breakthroughs in 2021. Whether it's a brand new artist just getting started or an act who leveled up and hit their stride, all 21 of these artists are worth keeping an eye on this year. It's time to look forward again, and these are some of the artists you have to be watching out for, in no particular order.

…

6. Julie & the Phantoms - this ‘phan-tastic’ memorial band combines early nineties nostalgia with a refreshing, modern twist and it’s got us on the edge of our seats!

Los Angeles-based band Julie & the Phantoms had a whirlwind of a year. Lead singer Julie Molina originally created the performance to re-audition for the music program at her Los Feliz high school and was met with incredible success. Each performance since her initial one, including a last-minute, jaw-dropping opening act for Panic! At the Disco at the legendary Orpheum, has been filmed and has gone viral, with each video hitting over one million views within a week of their initial posting.

At only seventeen years old, Julie, the high school student-turned-internationally famous singer, is coming into her own in a big way as she prepares for what many expect to be a break-out performance at Mothership, a feminist and queer festival in Los Angeles. While Molina is openly in a relationship with her girlfriend of two years, it was initially unclear if her other band members were also queer. When asked about her ‘phantoms’ - who have since been recognised to be three fourths of 1995 up-and-coming band Sunset Curve, who were tragically killed before their first performance at the Orpheum - Julie offers an emotional explanation.

“I grew up hearing stories about the boys, about—about the tragedy of them. My parents are close friends with the fourth member of their band, and my mother met the boys a few hours before—before. My parents bought the house they used to rehearse in, and when I found some of their old song books, it felt only natural to perform some, to honor them and their music. Playing Mothership felt right—Alex and Reggie had been dating for a long time before they died, and I hear from Trevor they were very close with Luke as well.”

Molina reconnected with Trevor Wilson, who was once the fourth member of Sunset Curve, and set about creating holograms that sounded and looked like his original three band members. “Once we were given permission to use their imagery and sound by all living family members, it was easy,” Wilson said when asked about the process. “I couldn’t do anything to honor my friends for a very, very long time, so when Julie came to me with the idea, I was more than happy to do whatever necessary to make it happen. I know they would’ve loved this—connecting with others through their music was their biggest dream, and I’m glad we can finally make it happen.”

Molina’s work is equally inspired by the original music, written by Luke Patterson, Reggie Peters and Alex Mercer, as it is by the work of modern artists—creating an amalgamation of emotionally raw lyricism and intensely moving instrumentals that cut straight through to listeners’ hearts. This was, as evidenced by some of the original texts shared by Molina on the band’s Instagram page, a specific talent of Luke Patterson’s, and one that Molina seems to share.

“I like to think we’d have been good friends,” Molina shared during an Instagram Live. “Everything I know about them is second-hand information, of course, but I can see we have very similar personalities. Music means everything to me, and it did to him—to them—as well. I hope sharing their music, their imagery, will show people the amazing talent these boys had. I wish they’d been remembered before, that who they were was remembered sooner, but I’m glad I get the chance to do this now. I hope that it lifts people up somehow, their—our—music.”

Check out Julie & The Phantoms at Mothership, where they’ll be playing the main stage at 2 pm on Saturday, or on their Youtube channel and Instagram.

—Eda Yu, “21 Artists to watch in 2021”, Complex, Pigeons & Planes, 2021, https://www.complex.com/pigeons-and-planes/2021/01/new-artists-to-watch-2021/

——————-

“The life of inner peace, being harmonious, and without stress is the easiest type of existence.” —Norman Vincent Peale

4 SEPTEMBER 2021

MAGGIE

“They look so real,” Alex’s mother breathed, her blue eyes wide and glassy with unshed tears as she watched the band perform. Julie was bouncing across the stage, belting out lyrics at the top of her lungs and Reggie and Luke were sharing microphones, playing at each other and at Alex, jumping and dancing across the length of the stage, switching off jumping up to play on Alex’s little platform and grinning at Julie as they shared a microphone. The crowd screamed and cheered, all of them wholly taken by the playful routine, and something deep inside Maggie’s chest that had been broken for as long as she could remember mended a little.

She imagined Alex’s mother felt much the same.

This was the first time since Maggie, Julie and Trevor had sought her out to get permission to use Alex’s voice and image on a larger scale that the other woman had attended one of the concerts, and a part of Maggie was glad she’d waited for this one.

After Julie and the boys had performed at Mothership, they had blown up and were being flooded with set offers and concert venues vying for their attention. Julie’s school had been forced to implement stricter access restrictions to their premises to make sure fans wouldn’t try to get in to find Julie in the hallways, and Maggie had arranged for a private security firm to update all alarm systems to the Molina property. They were likely being overcautious, but Maggie had seen plenty of artists get harassed by their so-called biggest fans, and if she could keep that from happening to Julie, she was going to make damn sure she would.

That meant booking smaller venues during the school months, and meant staying in and around Los Angeles as much as possible. It was why they’d booked the Orpheum again, this time with Julie and the Phantoms as the main act. It was the showcase the boys had never been able to play when they were alive, and their setlist today consisted of a lot more Sunset Curve songs than they usually added in, and Maggie could see the boys glow.

This was the show they’d been waiting to play their entire existence.

It was probably the best they’d ever played.

“I wish,” Alex’s mom muttered, drawing Maggie’s attention back to her. “I wish I’d understood.” She turned to Maggie and there were tears rolling down her cheeks. “I wish I’d been less afraid of what people would think—” she broke off and looked back to the stage, to Alex, who was grinning wildly at his boyfriends as he played. “I wish I’d told him I loved him more often. Do you think—” She swallowed thickly. “Do you think he knew? Do you think he knew that we—that I loved him so, so much? He was—Lord, he was my baby. I never thought we’d have another after Hannah, but then he came along, our little miracle. I wish I’d understood how strong and talented he was when he was still here, when I could still tell him.”

Maggie swallowed thickly too.

Reggie had confided in her that the dismissiveness of his parents after he’d come out still tore at Alex, still hurt him every day, that being kicked out by Reggie’s dad still ate at him and she’d seen how he was a little wary of Ray, sometimes, like he was just waiting for the day Ray would snap at him for holding hands with Reggie or Luke or Willie, like he was waiting for Ray to spit at Julie that her relationship with Flynn was unnatural and disgusting, even though they all knew Ray would be the absolute last person to ever do something like that.

“I think,” she tried, “I think you can tell him. You can visit their grave, talk to him. I talk to Reggie like that all the time. It’s almost like they’re there, waiting for us to come find them again.”

They’d debated whether or not to let Alex’s parents in on the secret, had debated on the pros and cons and had endlessly wondered about what the right thing to do was, but it had been Alex, in the end, who’d decided that it was too big a risk. His parents were devout Christians, and he couldn’t see any way in which they’d take the news of him being here as a ghost well.

Maggie privately wasn’t so sure, but the decision was Alex’s, and he’d made up his mind.

That didn’t mean she couldn’t encourage him to hear his mother out, that he couldn’t make sure to be at their gravesite when his mother would be there. She wasn’t sure if his relationship with parents—nowhere near as poor as hers and Reggie’s had been with theirs, but certainly not very good either—was a part of his unfinished business, but it certainly couldn’t hurt to have the reassurance that his mother loved him.

Maggie was self-aware enough to realize that even she and Reggie would probably love to hear that their parents loved them, despite their less than stellar parenting. It’d mostly made her more determined to be the best possible parent to Regina and the best partner she could be to T’Nia, who was home with the baby tonight.

Trevor and Ray stood in the wings on the opposite side of the stage too, swaying along with the music and bumping into each other ever so often.

They weren’t dating, not yet, but…

Maggie eyed them for a moment and smiled. She didn’t think it was going to take them very long to get there anymore. Julie had even made peace with Carrie, knowing it was likely only a matter of time before their fathers acted on their mutual feelings.

Now that all secrets were out of the way and literally all of them had sought psychological help to deal with the changes to their lives and world views, they were all beginning to heal.

The boys were figuring out the changed dynamics of dating each other, were settling into a polyamorous relationship more smoothly than Maggie imagined most people would’ve. Still, it hadn’t been entirely sunshine and roses, and Maggie remembered the early weeks, in which they were all desperate to avoid stepping on each other’s toes, were all still scared and excited and exploring the new boundaries in their changed relationship.

It was a beautiful thing to witness though, the love they had for each other.

Maggie imagined that if she’d been single, she’d have been quite jealous. As it was, she was happy for her brothers and she and Reggie had gotten the opportunity to really bond, to talk and get to know each other all over again.

Luke had gotten the chance to spend time with his mom and his dad before she passed away in her sleep, only a few weeks after Julie had helped them reunite. They’d laid her to rest in the plot right next to the boys’ own grave—Mitch had revealed they’d purchased both plots when they’d buried Luke and the others, and had always planned to make sure they’d be as close together as possible. Reggie had confided that Luke had cried for hours after that revelation.

As far as they knew, Emily hadn’t returned as a ghost, but the new Lieutenant of Los Angeles had apparently promised the boys to keep an eye on it.

Maggie wasn’t sure how she felt about it.

She was well aware it’d been her idea to reunite Emily and Luke, that it’d been her hunch that Luke was Emily’s unfinished business, but still there had been a tiny part of her that had hoped. A tiny little portion of her heart that had been desperately hopeful that maybe her goodbye to Emily didn’t have to be a goodbye forever. A tiny portion that had hoped her goodbye to Emily would’ve been a see-you-soon instead.

Still, a larger part of her heart was just relieved that Emily was at peace, and that she wasn’t in pain anymore. It’d been torture, having to see her deteriorate so much so quickly.

Maggie was relatively sure they’d all been relieved it’d happened so quickly. She couldn’t imagine having to watch the woman who had been more of a mother to her than her own suffer through years of the kind of illness and pain Emily had endured in her last months.

She was drawn from her thoughts by Julie’s voice, soft and small when she wasn’t singing, addressing the crowd with a sad smile. “This last song,” she explained quietly, “was one Luke wrote for his mother after a big fight. He ran away after, and they only reconciled the night before he was killed.” Her voice trembled and Maggie’s own eyes filled with tears. Luke and Reggie were pressed close together and Maggie couldn’t quite see his face from this angle, but she could imagine the heartbroken expression on his face anyway.

“We weren’t going to play it,” Julie continued, “The song is so intensely personal, we never thought about sharing it with the public, but…” She swallowed thickly, and it took Maggie a second to realize Julie was crying too. “We lost Emily a few weeks ago, and right until the end, she was one of our biggest fans. So, today, we want to perform the song Luke Patterson wrote for his mother, and remember her with you guys. This is ‘Unsaid Emily.’”

Maggie had never heard the song in full before.

It was beautiful and painful and so, so full of emotion.

She could barely stand to listen, but she could see the lightening of the weight that had been on Luke’s shoulders with every note he sang, could feel the love he felt for his mother in every word, could hear how much it helped him to share this part of himself with everyone, and she was suddenly so unbelievably proud of him that it was overwhelming.

Emily was gone and her absence felt like a huge gaping hole that would never be filled again, but they all had each other.

They were going to be okay.

She watched Alex sneak a glance in his own mother’s direction, eyes shiny and wide, watched Julie glance up towards the sky, and watched Reggie glance towards her.

It hurt right now, but they’d make it through.

They always did.

————

“I don't really care if people forget me. My legacy wasn't about me. It was about everything I could do for another.”

― Shannon L. Alder

15 MAY 2022

LUKE

Luke settled back into the couch cushions, more relaxed and—dare he say—happy than he had been in a very, very long time. The loss of his mom had broken him in something in him that he didn’t think would ever be healed—it still still ached, still felt as though her absence had created a void in his very soul, leaving an open wound with throbbing edges that did not feel as though it would ever heal, but he’d since remembered that he could breathe.

Each breath taken without his mother burned in his lungs still, but his boys were there, Julie and Ray and Flynn were there and he wasn’t alone. It didn’t take away the pain, didn’t heal the wound, but… but at least he could breathe.

The Spectral Therapist lady Dmitri had arranged for them to see had done wonders for his state of mind too, and had, eventually, helped him learn to tolerate, if not appreciate, the second chance at life that he had been given, even if it could no longer include his mom.

He’d not been able to, for a while, after his mom had passed away, hadn’t been able to see past all the things he had lost. It hadn’t been until Julie had come in, noisy and excited and quite literally slapped him up the head that he’d remembered that he’d gained things too, in this time, in this new existence.

When he’d finished sobbing on Julie’s shoulder, she had lectured him very sternly—but still so compassionately—and Luke hadn’t had a choice but to listen to her. Julie had reminded him that his mom had wanted him to be happy for as long as he was still here, that he had three boyfriends who adored him so much it was a little gross to see and that their music was being heard.

Luke had spent his entire life—his entire existence—seeking a connection with other people through his music, and it was finally working. Their fanbase, loyal and established in Los Angeles, was growing larger every day, and more and more people were learning their names, within and outside of the States, and much as he’d always dreamed about it, Luke found he had a hard time comprehending the idea of worldwide fame.

So he’d done as Julie advised him and threw himself back into their music, opened up to Alex and Reggie and Willie, actually talked to the therapy ghost lady and let himself feel surprise and no small amount of shame when he realized just how devastated Alex and Reggie had been after Luke’s mom’s death too.

He let himself lean on them and on Ray and Julie and the others.

He learned to ask for help, because he couldn’t do it on his own, and he needed to admit that too.

And it did get better.

He started writing again, with Julie and with Reggie, filled several notebooks with lyrics and notes and little sketches, and made an effort to be a good boyfriend—he planned dates with each of his boys and made sure to plan dates that included all four of them as well, because they’d found out early on it was important to them all to keep the amount of time they spent together a little balanced.

That’d become glaringly obvious when Alex and Reggie had fallen back into old habits very easily early on, slipping back into their dynamic of best friends who were also dating so easily it was as if they’d never broken up in the first place, and it’d left both Luke and Willie feeling left behind, like they were constantly missing part of the conversation.

Of course, Alex and Reggie hadn’t even been aware that they’d been excluding the other two—they hadn’t even considered it until Willie had called them out on it.

Luke sighed.

It was a work in progress—none of them had been in a polyamorous relationship before, and they only had the internet and Julie as guidance—but they were happy.

Despite everything, Luke was happy.

The band was doing so well that Maggie was trying to arrange a national tour during the summer months—pending approval from Ray, who was enthusiastic but also very cautious—and they were talking about a multi-album deal.

Their raging success was also why they had all descended on the living room floor of the Molina house—Bobby’s place was bigger, sure, but the Molina house was home for most of them, and Bobby didn’t fight them on it most of the time. Luke still couldn’t get used to calling him Trevor, and Reggie and Alex seemed to struggle with it too.

Bobby—Trevor—didn’t seem to mind, even if they were the only ones to call him Bobby.

Even Ray called him Trevor.

Luke didn’t think they were dating—not yet, but they had been circling each other for a long time, and it was clear to everyone with eyes that their feelings for each other ran a lot deeper than friendship. Luke had wondered on more than one occasion if he had been like that with Reggie before they’d gotten together.

He was sure Ray and Bobby would be good for each other though, if they ever got over themselves and actually tried. Of course, when Luke had brought it up with Bobby, after everything, after yelling and shouting and hugging and crying on each other, he’d bashfully tried to deny being interested at all, which was a lot more telling than admitting it would have been.

Bobby had never once in his life avoided questions about those he found himself attracted to.

It hadn’t happened often before they’d died, but it had happened, and Luke wasn’t imagining the way Bobby would gravitate towards Ray when he entered a room, or the way Ray’s cheeks flushed when he caught Bobby looking at him, or even the—far from—subtle long hugs when one of them was leaving.

Luke was abruptly torn from his thoughts when Flynn booed loudly from her spot on the floor, where she was curled up with Julie, fingers linked together. Alex and Reggie were both flushed very red, and Luke smirked a little—most of them took a lot of pleasure in teasing Alex and Reggie about how absolutely gone on each other they were, how they couldn’t really keep their hands to themselves, because it was so adorable it was nearly funny, especially to Luke and Willie, who knew the other two boys well enough to know they felt just as strongly about each of them.

He could probably concentrate to listen and figure out what they were talking about even as they jostled each other playfully, but he was warm and comfortable and he kind of wanted to melt.

Willie cackled when Alex shoved at him, dodging their boyfriend with a smirk as Reggie squawked, dislodged by the struggle, rolling off the couch and onto Julie and Flynn’s lap. “You’re so mean to me,” Reggie complained playfully, using Julie’s shoulder to hoist himself upright before bouncing towards Luke’s couch. “I’m going to hang out with Luke, he’s my favorite.”

Luke chuckled when Reggie collapsed half on top of him, a mess of gangly limbs and messy hair, grinning brightly at Luke. “They’re dumb,” he told Luke seriously, patting his hand on Luke’s cheek before tangling his fingers in the soft hair on the back of Luke’s neck. “Why are we dating them?”

Luke snorted a laugh and patted Reggie’s head when he dropped onto Luke’s shoulder. “Because we love them,” he replied. “And we came back as ghosts together. I’m pretty sure that means we’re stuck with them for a good long while.” He tilted his head down to look at Reggie, who seemed entirely content to use him as his newest pillow. It wasn’t like he wasn’t used to it or didn’t like it—they’d always been very tactile with each other, even before they’d begun dating, and they almost always inevitably ended up in a cuddle pile when they tried to watch movies on the couch.

“You really okay?” he asked softly, deliberately ignoring the loud and mildly incomprehensible argument going on beside him as Flynn tried, in vain, to show a supremely uninterested Alex—who was much more preoccupied with staring at Willie—some dance moves she’d seen on TikTok.

Reggie blinked blankly at him for a couple of seconds before he broke into a grin and nodded. “Yeah, I’m good, Luke. Just missed you.” He pouted. “You were all far away and in your head again.”

Luke winced a little, because he couldn’t exactly deny that.

“Sorry,” he apologized, leaning in to nudge his nose against Reggie’s. “Good thoughts, I promise.” Reggie smiled happily and closed the distance between them, slotting their lips together. No matter how many times Luke had kissed Reggie at this point, he never ceased to be amazed by how well they fit together, how much a part of him wished he could just drown in Reggie, how in love with him Luke still was, and how easy it was to fall a little bit more in love with him every day.

They were torn from their little bubble, exchanging soft, slow kisses, by a pillow thrown in their direction, followed by Flynn’s outcry of, “Pay attention, you lovebirds! Interesting things going on here!” Before either of them could say anything, Julie slapped Flynn’s knee and Willie and Alex booed at her in perfect unison, and Luke’s cheeks were so hot, he was pretty sure he was on fire.

Sure, Alex and Reggie were easiest to tease, but that didn’t mean Luke was immune.

“Right,” Reggie nodded seriously, raising an eyebrow at Flynn in challenge. “Were you done trying and failing to do that new dance thingy?” Luke burst into laughter at the indignant look on Flynn’s face, and the rest of the group followed swiftly, Julie gasping, “Come on, Flynn, it’s funny,” between hysteric peals of laughter.

“Oh, please,” Flynn exclaimed heatedly, waving her arms towards the group vaguely. “I’d like to see you knuckleheads try to do it!”

“I’ll take that bet!” Willie shouted immediately, springing up from the sofa probably a little too energetically, narrowly avoiding tripping over Julie as he leaped forward. Alex, who’d been leaning against their boyfriend, had tipped sideways when Willie jumped up, and was now glaring grumpily at him. Luke watched, amused, as Willie tumbled his way to the little space Flynn had cleared in front of the television. Alex facepalmed and Julie giggled, watching as Willie copied the moves Flynn had been trying to show them far more easily and smoothly than she had managed.

Alex, on the couch, was staring at Willie’s swaying hips with dark eyes, and Luke snorted a laugh.

“Like this, right?” Willie grinned smugly, raising both eyebrows at Flynn, who was very clearly trying not to pout at him for picking up on the move far more easily than she had.

“You’ve spent the past thirty years dancing at the Club,” she exclaimed heatedly. “This isn’t a fair competition.” She turned to Julie. “I can dance really well too, right babe?”

Julie nodded, lips obviously pressed together to avoid laughing. “Yes, of course.”

Flynn obviously noticed her barely repressed mirth too, because she spun around, facing Willie and demanded, “Show me again! How do you—”

Reggie huffed a laugh and sagged back against Luke a little, for all the world looking like he was close to falling asleep, but Luke knew he was really just settling into a prime position for people-watching. In this case, of course, that meant watching as their friends and significant others made idiots of themselves trying to master a couple of dance moves invented by twelve year-olds for social media.

Luke grinned along with Reggie when Willie recruited Alex—though Luke had to admit the latter looked more reluctant than excited to aid Willie and Flynn in their quest.

The others seemed to have lost interest in the dancers—Julie had returned to her conversation with her brother—and Ray and Bobby were quietly talking by the entrance to the kitchen, heads bent close together as they talked.

A warm, contented feeling settled in the center of Luke’s chest as he watched them—his friends, his family—spreading out and warming his entire being, radiating right down to the tips of his fingers, and he felt lighter than he could ever recall having felt before. It was a comforting but utterly peculiar feeling, like he was filled with helium, fit to float away if not held down by—by—

His gaze traveled to Julie of its own accord, lips parting in surprise.

He blinked, hard, and turned to Reggie, who was already looking at him with a soft, vulnerable expression. “Finally got there too, huh?” He said softly, carding his fingers through Luke’s hair again in a soothing gesture.

The tension that had knotted his shoulders loosened and Luke leaned back into Reggie’s touch just a little before he asked, “You too? Does—it’s just—”

Reggie nodded. “It’s just Julie now.”

Luke swallowed thickly. “I can feel it,” he whispered, curling a little closer to Reggie. “It’s just her—I feel… I feel light. Like I could just float away, but Julie’s still holding me here.”

Reggie nodded, trailing his fingers up and down Luke’s arm soothingly as he admitted, “I feel it too. I’ve felt it for a while. Alex too. Willie thinks the only reason he’s still here is us.” Luke swallowed thickly again and looked over to Alex and Willie, who had given up on the Tik Tok dance entirely and were just swaying together now, lips barely moving in a muted conversation.

“I’m not ready,” he admitted quietly, tears burning in his eyes.

Reggie pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’m not either. None of us are. We’ve got time—we’ve still got so much planned for the band. We have three more albums to go, and a national tour and then a world tour—we’re going to make sure Julie is set for life before it’s time for us to go.”

Luke nodded jerkily.

They had discussed this before—it wasn’t like they were unprepared. They’d learned a lot from the Spectral Police in terms of their afterlife, and had learned a great deal about finishing unfinished business. It wouldn’t catch them unawares entirely, but it would likely still be quite sudden, and once the process had begun, it was impossible to reverse its effects.

Luke leaned his forehead against Reggie’s temple. “I love you,” he whispered. “I don’t want to go without you when it’s time. Or Alex or Willie.”

Reggie pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You’re not going anywhere without us, Luke. We’re ride or die, remember? I followed you once, I’ll do it again. You’re never getting rid of us ever again.” Luke laughed a wet little laugh and hid his face against the crook of Reggie’s neck.

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” he breathed.

“No,” Reggie admitted. “No, it doesn’t.”

And the warm, comforting feeling filled Luke up again, warming him down to the tips of his toes. This time, he basked in it, enjoyed the certainty of his connection with Julie, knowing it was strong enough to keep him here for a while longer, to give him time to enjoy a life that had been stolen from him twenty-seven years ago.

It wasn’t what he’d wanted when he died, wasn’t the future he’d envisioned, but he had Alex and Reggie and Willie, and he had Julie and Ray and the band and it was enough.

He was content. He was happy.

It was enough.

———————

“Don’t adventures ever have an end? I suppose not.

Someone else always has to carry on the story.”

– Bilbo Baggins

FIN.

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End notes:

That's it. That's all she wrote.

Let me know what you thought!

Love Annaelle