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#2016 was one of my worst years ever i tried to kms and intense self harm plus starving myself
mrfoox
·
2 years
Text
Not to be deppressing again but it still hits me like a brick that I'm still alive sometimes
Idk how to mentally catch up with that reality after so many years of sucidal thoughts and tendencies
#Negative
#miranda talking shit
#Im in my mid 20s.... Genuinely thought id be dead before i turned 20 but im still here
#Its shocking like... Yea cool im still here i guess but like all the things i havent done bc i didnt think id still be here
#They have been pilling up and now im like haha... What now....
#2016 was one of my worst years ever i tried to kms and intense self harm plus starving myself
#And then i... Got out of that? Like i still dont.... Understand it like i know its a fact but its so unreal
#My friends definitely saved me. I found a bigger group of online friends in 2017 and they saved me. If i was without them id probably not
#Be here. And they dont know that like they think we are just silly friends and its like ... You guys literally kept me alive and going and
#I cant ever fully repay that or explain that. Friendships are so important. I felt so alone at the time
#I had lost contact with the three few close contacts i had with people and it was so hard
#And then by chance i got thrown into a group of great people who i most still talk to today...
#I know it was hard for them and me in the beginning bc i was so damaged and in bad shape but despite me like
#Starting to cry in the middle of calls and went silent as we talked bc of it they never... Got tired of me or annoyed
#I can remember like two times i got an annoyed remark about it but it was two who didnt know i was crying when i muted myself
#Otherwise it was always like... Concern and patience... Like are you okay? Did we do something ? Do you need a break?
#And mind you this was in a group of 4+ guys. I have bad experiences with guys/men but they all were patient with me and didnt grow tired
#With me and its ... I dont think i can express it to any of them bc i wasnt super opem at the time with my problems
#So it would be like dropping a bomb at them... But like genuinely... Having a group of friends to just play and talk with an have fun
#It was so important to me and they have all helped me to grow as a person too. I mean im still sensetive af but being around them has
#Helped me not take things as personal and get a thicker skin. And overall just trusting people but men especially...
#The fact i met them all by chance and bc of overwatch... Like say what you want about the game but for me it'll be a fond memories
#Bc of how that got me in contact with such amazing people at such a bad time in my life. Downright my woorst period
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