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wroteonedad · 1 year

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Top 30 Films of the Year (via my Letterboxd)

I wanted to do something for Christmas that was both a summary and also something a little different from the stuff I already write, and seeing as I record pretty much every movie that I watch on my Letterboxd, then I figured I may as well write about it a little on here. In no particular order, my top 30, the perfect Christmas treat if you're trying to find a little movie to give your family some Christmas cheer.

Charade (1963)

This film is if you imagine House of Gucci except for it's a bunch of blokes trying to frame and murder each other and one of them has stolen the heart of Audrey Hepburn. This film mixes both humour and drama perfectly, and you can play a fun game where you can take a shot for every plot twist in the film. Letterboxd says I rated it 4/5 so that means I recommend it.

Uncut Gems (2019)

I watched this movie for the first time the day that I'd sent off my pcr test to find out if I had Covid (I did) so watching this was an absolute whirlwind after overdosing on cough syrup and laying in bed with a fever. This movie was the first time I'd ever seen Julia Fox in anything which is cool and that pimped out Furby.... I think about him a lot. I rated this 4 stars on Letterboxd so another recommendation.

Scooby Doo (2002)

No, not the movie where Velma wears the latex suit, the first movie. I feel like every Scooby Doo movie is just as chaotic and pretty much the same which is why I probably can't remember the plot to this. I was even more confused to read my Letterboxd review which just says 'i like the bit when mr bean turns into an oompa looma'. 5 stars though.

The Lighthouse (2019)

Truth be told, I hated this movie and my flatmates were very upset to learn that I didn't like it. It becomes funnier when you have the Vine boom noise playing in a video behind it though, it's like having an extra jumpscare. Sorry film bros, I just couldn't hack it. I rated it 0.5 stars meaning it was one of two of the lowest scoring films on my Letterboxd.

Jumbo (2020)

This movie is very French, and if you've watched enough French movies then you will know exactly what I mean by this. Without spoiling the plot too much, this is about a young woman who falls in love with a fairground ride. Very French core. You'll have to watch the rest of the movie to find out how that romance goes. This was given a 4 star rating.

American Psycho (2000)

Do I like this movie or do I just like all the memes that have come with this movie? In terms of a fairly recent cult classic, this is the correct type of movie, but I was even more surprised to learn that the Reddit dreamboat character doesn't own any branded knives, despite the amount of money he has. I rated this a solid 3.5 stars. Solid, like the film plot.

Norbit (2007)

I don't understand why there are so many copies of this movie on the shelves of CEX, it's a bit of an underrated masterpiece really. Put the heroin chic style fatshaming jokes aside, I actually find some of it pretty funny. Mostly the church scene at the end. Rated this 5 stars because I would buy every copy on the shelves.

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992)

As far as a pre-origin story goes to the original show, I think this really hits the nail on the head. It's not the story that we wanted, it's the story we needed. The random appearance from David Bowie was a bit out of this world, like the whole movie. Though I think I need to finish watching The Return and then come back to this movie so everything starts to make a little bit more sense. A solid 3 star rating, though it'll probably go up the next time I've seen it.

Macross: Do You Remember Love? (1984)

Another movie that is based on a narrative from a TV show, except you don't need to watch the show to go straight on to the movie. If you're a fan of Neon Genesis Evangelion and you're feeling a little bit feminine then this is the thing for you. Space girl sings and space things happen. Another 3 star rating.

Paul (2011)

My Letterboxd review reads; 'they did something. i'm not sure what,,, but they did something' and I think that's all I need to say about whether or not I recommend this. 2 stars.

Boiling Point (2021)

If you're British and you've ever worked in hospitality then this is the film that you'll just get. I loved this film. Angry swearing man, lots of people doing gear and an absolute shitshow from start to finish. Gave this a hard 4.5 stars and would recommend to anyone.

The Love Witch (2016)

Aesthetically wise, this has to be one of the nicest movies out there. Taking lots of inspiration from the 60s both in looks and also the overall vibe of the movie. The problem being, the plot feels a little bit empty. It's wonderful in terms of how feminist it is, but that's really all it has going for it. Another solid 3 star film.

The Gentlemen (2019)

I was minding my own business popping into the coffee shop I always go to on my days off when Raz asked me what my favourite film was at the moment; he then proceeded to lecture me because I hadn't seen this and sent me home as homework to watch it. I did. I'll tell you what, it was so worth it. The cast line up is incredible and the plot is just as solid. Proper man film full of classic laughs. Loved it. Gave it a nice 3.5 star rating.

Decision To Leave (2022)

This was the film that I'd told Raz was my favourite at the time. I'd just gone to see it in the cinema and it was just as dark and gripping as I would expect it to be. The subplot aligns with the main plot wonderfully to create a rather depressing ending. 4 stars.

The Interview (2014)

It's a Seth Rogan movie, you probably know how this one is going to go. I used to really like this film a good few years ago, but watching it back this year, I realised the only funny part was Kim Jong-Un riding around to Fireworks in his tank. I gave this a three star rating which is probably a little bit too nice.

Starstruck (2010)

Imagine you're the dude that played Chad Dylan Cooper on Sonny With a Chance and Disney asked you to play some blonde heartthrob dude for an upcoming tween movie they had in mind. This was the end result. The soundtrack features some bangers and the whole film is just full of feelgood vibes. Can't really go wrong here. I rated it 2.5 stars purely based on it being a Disney movie. The plot isn't great, but boy is it fun.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

The easiest way to explain this movie is that it's an Adult Swim classic except it has nothing to do with Adult Swim. Slapstick humour, autism and bad dancing all curate the wonderful comic masterpiece that is Napoleon Dynamite. Remember to vote for Pedro. 4 stars.

Suspiria (1977)

What I really love about this film is that it really doesn't make much sense at all. In fact, it's one of those films that didn't need to be made, but I'm really glad it did. It mixes really bad sound editing so you can't hear what anyone is saying and when you can hear the actors speak, it's because they've dubbed over the original lines because when it was filmed you couldn't hear what they were saying. The colours and the overall setting is magical and insane and for that reason I loved this movie. 4 and a half stars for a pioneering woman horror classic.

Her (2013)

The Joker falls in love with robot lady, or the infamous Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson). Except this is a very heartfelt story and might actually leave a tear in your eye after watching. Feels like watching a sappy episode of Black Mirror. I rated this 4 stars because I loved the movie enough to buy a physical copy of it.

The Tinder Swindler (2022)

I mean yeah that happened. The only reason I watched this was because Don't Fuck With Cats was made so well,,,, I was left majorly whelmed by this documentary. I gave this three stars for pity on all the lovely ladies he swindled. (don't even think this counts as a movie really).

Contagion (2011)

This movie was far too ahead of its time to be made. I don't need to explain the synopsis to this movie because we already lived through it. My grandma hated living through covid, but she sure loved watching this movie. 4 stars.

The Worst Person In The World (2021)

Just wanted to ask which one of the three main characters was the worst person in the world because they were all equally as bad as each other. I rated this 5 stars and I think if you haven't watched this already, then you should.

Little Joe (2019)

Little Joe could have been one of the most interesting films in the world if the director had decided to not ensure most of the film was just filler. This felt like it was a good 40 minutes too long and literally nothing happened for the last hour. The concept of this film is really cool, but it is like watching a really shit episode of Black Mirror, I rated this 2.5 stars.

The Pacifier (2005)

If you've ever thought about the idea of having Vin Diesel as your personal home counsellor then you've come to the right place. There's lots of scenes of this man both screaming and also saving lives. It's a movie you can both laugh to and also have on as background noise while you take a nap. 4 stars.

In Bruges (2008)

They're filming midgets. 4 stars for the midgets being filmed.

Borat (2006)

Made during the days where Sacha Baron Cohen was still pretty funny and not just using any form of slightly racist joke to make a person laugh. Borat sometimes almost feels like a loveable character. Bonus points for Pamela Anderson as Pamela Anderson. 3 stars.

Personal Shopper (2016)

This film feels like Kristen Stewart begging you to watch her in a movie that isn't Twilight to prove to you that she can act and that she has more than one facial expression. As it turns out, she still only has one facial expression and I find it hard to feel any form of emotion to her character at any point. I gave this a friendly three stars.

Bratz: Fashion Pixiez (2007)

Did anyone ever notice in the film that Cymbeline's dad was pretty much the same model as Fiona's dad in Shrek? I bet you didn't. Now you'll have to rewatch the film again to find that. As far as mid goes, this is the most mid Bratz film out there, the only cool thing is their outfits and that is why it was given a 5 star rating. Vibes only.

Zoolander (2001)

I'll be real with you here. This is not the movie I expected to be writing about, this movie is the last minute thrill of the year. The whole year, my TikTok has been graced with videos of Patrick Bateman with the sigma male captions underneath them, until about literally 5 days ago. My fyp plagued with that one clip of Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson pouting at each other on the red carpet. I knew I had to go back and watch the film. This is a break the scale rating of a film honestly. So many random people in it. George Costanzas dad, Paris Hilton and ,,,, David Bowie. Loved this.

Death Becomes Her (1992)

This film has got to be one of the most camp films out there, When I decided to watch this film, the plot was something I was not expecting at all, but boy were they all so real for this. Humour and discussion of women and their insecurities all perfectly blended into one. My Letterboxd review reads, 'this film made me cut my ingrown chin hair off, thanks Meryl Streep' and if that doesn't convince you to watch the film, then I don't know what will.

Well there you have it. I think this list is a perfect compilation of movies. Ones for the family, movies to scream to, movies to fall asleep to. But most of all, no matter what happens this Christmas, there is at least one movie in this list that will match the exact vibe of how it went with your family. And finally, as Gossip Girl says,,,, have a happy jolly holiday. Xoxo, Gossip Girl.

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wabajotigu · 2 years

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vit-ri-ol-ic · 3 years

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Um hi so I'm looking for mutuals because I need friends & I haven't used this website in ages.

⁎̩͙ ⁑̩͙̩͙ ⁂̩̩͙͙ Like/Reblog if you post: ⁂̩̩͙͙ ⁑̩͙̩͙ ⁎̩͙

Attack on Titan shit [art, creative stuff]

AoT fanfics/HCs

Levi trash

HxH shit [art, creative stuff]

HxH fanfics/HCs

Feitan/Chrollo/Hisoka trash

Furby fandom

Custom furbies

Furbies in general

Studio Ghibli stuff

Ponyo stuff specifically

Moomin stuff

Or just like/reblog if you're also awkward and lost af

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fluffnscruff · 5 years

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Sleepy

#furby 2012 #furby fandom #furby #mine #custom furby 2011

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animatronicappreciation · 2 years

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Oh my goodness, I’ve been looking for this video for AGES! I talked about it on my old Furby blog (before the Tumbeasts ate it... I’m now at @furbaliciouslygay !), but I could never find a high quality rip from the showtape! This here’s the Durby-- aka a Zebra Furby with a Chuck E Cheese derby put over it, haha!

This was a cute little intermission for the Chuck E Cheese showtape back in 1999, part of the Chuck E’s Holiday Party showtape! For those unaware, Chuck E Cheese used to wear an iconic red derby back in the ‘80s, so this was a callback joke to that era, a cross between a Furby and Chuck E’s old derby hat!

Fun fact: for many years after the filming of this segment, the Furby that was used in it could be spotted at Department 18, hanging out on a shelf in the Studio C setup they used for programming!

Here’s a picture of me when I was a kid at my first visit to Dept. 18 during CheeseVention 8! As you can see, the Furby’s up there on the right! I was 13 at the time! This was 2011, so it was about 12 years since the segment had been filmed, and the Furby was still there! :D Sadly, since CEC Corporate moved to another location, whoever owned the Furby (I’m assuming Matt Daniel) took them home and they haven’t been seen since. Hopefully they’re living their best Furby life, wherever they are now!

- Mod Possum

#allfurby #chuck e cheese #studio c #department 18 #furby #1998 Furby #furby 1998 #the durby #garner holt

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corallorosso · 3 years

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Berlusconi al Quirinale: credete sia impossibile? Non lo conoscete di Pietro Francesco Maria De Sarlo Mettetevi comodi, non vi arrabbiate e non sparate sul pianista e sull’umile estensore di questo post. L’ho scritto un po’ per gioco e un po’ per abituarmi all’idea del Berlusca al Quirinale. Credete sia impossibile? Non conoscete l’uomo. A giugno 1986 varcavo, timido giovane di belle speranze e modesto aspetto, il portone del palazzo Donatello a Milano 2 per unirmi al gruppetto del pensatoio strategico di Fininvest, guidato dal mitico Bottino. Bei tempi! Ero un ingegnere trentenne alla terza esperienza lavorativa, trovai un contesto giovane e vivace, un ambiente stimolante e pieno di belle ragazze, tra cui la nipote non di Mubarak ma di Pillitteri, cognato di Bettino, che a breve sarebbe diventato sindaco di Milano Uno. Ci passai 15 mesi: promozioni aumenti e cesti natalizi, ricchi premi e cotillon; un mondo di frutta candita. Lasciai per diventare dirigente del gruppo Cofide: meno divertente ma più consono alla mia natura seriosa e politically correct. Partecipai a una convention di dipendenti a Sanremo, c’era il Milan al completo e le ballerine di Drive In, più Smaila. Berlusca passava tra i tavoli e stringeva mani, anche la mia: troppo snob e troppo smagato per apprezzare. Salì sul palco dell’Ariston: standing ovation, da star di avanspettacolo che in più distribuiva prebende e promozioni. Più che lealtà chiedeva fedeltà: c’è differenza. Parlò delle origini, del padre e delle preoccupazioni degli inizi. Si commosse parlando di mamma Rosa: gli aveva predetto che sarebbe diventato presidente della Repubblica. Disse che lui le aveva promesso di riuscirci. Giuro: chi c’era ricorderà. Mai apprezzato Berlusca in politica, ma è uno che non ha mai detto o fatto niente a caso. Se ha lanciato l’Opa sul Quirinale ha un piano. Non ha idee proprie, gli bastano quelle degli altri di cui si appropria quando ne ha necessità per qualche suo scopo. Pochi principi ma mutevoli e adattabili alle circostanze. È, come ama dire, concavo e convesso. Concavo con la Fornero, che gradisce e ricambia, e convesso con il M5S, di cui ha rivalutato il reddito di cittadinanza. Alla bisogna è filo europeista, filo Putin e filo quello che più gli necessita. Rassicura l’intellighenzia nazionale dicendo che Draghi al Quirinale mai darebbe l’incarico a Salvini e Meloni, come dire che anche a lui non piace il duo. Però il messaggio alla coppia è chiaro: “Se sognate palazzo Chigi è meglio che al Colle ci sia io”. Chi lo conosce sa che non è prudente farlo arrabbiare, ma anche che non riesce mai ad essere cattivo fino in fondo perché prima o poi tutti possono tornargli utili. Rispetta i patti, ma solo quelli segreti e inconfessabili, quelli pubblici no. Sa far di conto, e conosce l’animo umano. Renzi, Lega, Fratelli d’Italia fanno la base, poi nel segreto dell’urna la paura del voto anticipato di tanti parlamentari senza arte né parte farà il resto. La stessa paura che ha portato Draghi al posto di Conte: chi di spada ferisce, di spada perisce. Da capo del governo gli consegnarono, il 5 agosto 2011, una lettera con una lista lacrime e sangue per gli italiani a firma del governatore della Bce Draghi. La cestinò: troppo smart per mettere una pietra tombale sul suo futuro apponendoci la firma. Non ama nuotare controcorrente. Appoggiò Monti e il suo governo che insieme a Renzi fece il lavoro sporco: dalle pensioni al Jobs act. L’unica cosa non fatta della lista è la liberalizzazione dei taxi. Resistete! Sono con voi. Quella lettera ci è costata un botto: 300 miliardi di Pil. Chi lo dice? Padoan e Gentiloni. Dove è scritto? Nel Pnr, atto terzo del Def. Quando? Il 12 aprile 2017. Mistero: ora Draghi fa il salvatore della Patria, dopo averla quasi mandata in bancarotta. Monti ci esce pazzo. Io pure. Chi mandereste al Colle tra Berlusconi e Draghi? Tertium non datur, non fate i furbi. Berlusconi ama il burlesque ed è spregiudicato, ma non a sufficienza per fare alla Grecia quello che ha fatto Draghi. Fate voi: questione di priorità e valori.

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thefurb · 4 years

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Here's all of my babies!

Upside down long furby: Squeet He/Him

Gremlin furby: Gizmo He/They

Blue 2011 Furby: He/They

Orange furby connect: Clambø He/Him

Tan 2005 furby: Magdalena She/Her

Easter furby: Woot They/Them

Purple and green furby: Poncho She/Her

Tiger furby: Bucket He/Him

Millennium furby: Kneecap He/They

Peacock furby boom: Toe Lotion They/Them

Pink furby baby: Justin He/Him

#furby #furblr #allfurby #furby fandom #safefurby #furby community #toy #custom furby

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ehbunnehsblog · 3 years

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A while back I made a post about things that scared me as a kid that was inspired by videos on YouTube about childhood trauma. Before we start I would just like to say that this is not about the childhood trauma that is very serious as a csa survivor I do not talk about that stuff here but I just want everyone to know that I support you and I believe in you and we will get through this together. With that said let's get on with the show. (Also heres the first post down below)

1. Video Killed the Radio Star by The Buggles

Okay this one may seem very ridiculous to some which is why its number one but yeah when I was a child I hated this song! I was so scared of it! Lol I think the reason was because it said video killed the radio star and something about the music and singing just spooped me either way it was very strange.

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2. Koolaid Killer

This was a short video series by Dane Boe the guy who is probably the most famous for creating the Annoying Orange. Actually a while back I was searching for these videos and I never realized how many other Dane Boe videos I watched aside from Annoying Orange and that these videos really weren't too scary. I never really watched Kool Aid Killer but I remember one day at my elementary school someone was watching the videos and I thought they were pretty scary but when I look back at these videos they didn't seem very real like they did before I mean the blood splatter etc it all looks so fake cause it is lol. But if you haven't I suggest Dane Boe's videos some of you may have forgot about them like me.

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3. Takethislollipop

Takethislollipop just like the above video came out when I was in elementary school and was really creepy. Honestly it might just be one of the creepiest on this list. Take this lollipop was an interactive 2011 game and short horror film that would take info from a persons facebook page and it would show this guy hunting the person down. As a kid I didn't really know about interactive online games like this so when this came out it felt really real and even though it wasn't too scary to me it did make me question things about social media a bit. In 2020 it came back but instead it was a zoom call and used deep fakes.

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4. Banana Phone

Ringringringringring banana phone🎵🎶 this is a classic imo. This shiz scared me again I think it was just because it was about death just like the first one sadly it was the ridiculous songs I guess little me really just hated songs that were ridiculous and sang about death lol

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5. The Piano in Mario 64

Idk how this scared me and the eel didn't but I just really hated how this dang thing would make noise and come at you.

6. Furbies

I know there is a big thing with furbies and I just want to say I am not scared of furbies as bad now it was really just the older ones I didn't like how they stared into my soul I just really disliked anything the moved and made noise as a kid idk why it's like how some have a fear about animatronics I still have iffyness around things like this but not as bad as I did as a child. It's just that whenever there is something that has big glass looking eyes it spooks me a bit lol also I think long furbies look cool and they are bigger than a regular furby lol!

(Because I couldn't find a gif of a furby you get this gif instead)

7. Happy Tree Friends

Happy Tree Friends is about animated woodland creatures going ape shit and killing each other and themselves nuff said. I hate the song, the violence did and still scares me so it deserves to be near the top of this list. I swear I remember my sister watching this and i think we both couldn't stand it. I will say I am surprised how long it ran for it ran from 1999-2005 in picture format, 2007-2009 in 480p and 1080p to 2009-2016 it ran until December 24th 1999 to December 22nd 2016.

(Since it was violent I will not be showing gifs or videos about it)

8. Backwords songs

I think this scared me because it was unnatural but when I got to middle school I thought it was neat. (I chose a video by Roomie that talks about this topic)

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9. Rubber Johnny

Left best for last and one that may have scared me the most. Rubber Johnny is a 2005 expiremental short film and music video that was written and directed by Chris Cunningham, the music was composed by Aphex Twins. In this video Johnny is seen in a wheelchair making noises and just loses absolute control. If you are young this video shows a condom, it sounds like it shows a penis and Johnny snorting a line of coc@ine I haven't seen this video since I was a child and I think imma wait till I see my boyfriend again or when it's the morning to watch this because its currently night time but for anyone who wants to check this video out heres a link below.

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Wooo! We made it through the list I really hope you guys liked this one I worked hard on this and i was having a bit of a difficult time trying to find more that scared me. So I ask you guys, what scared you when you were young and why?

☆With all that said I hope you liked this post. Please follow I make a lot of posts that are about nostalgia like this☆

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amazingferret · 4 years

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tagged by @bururaven

rules: answer 20 questions, then tag 20 bloggers you want to get to know better

1. name: Ferret

2. nicknames: Furby

3. zodiac sign: leo

4. height: 162 cm

5. languages spoken: Fluently, Portuguese and English. Ofc romance languages can kinda understand each other if they try though. A bit of German and Japanese.

6. nationality: Portuguese

7. favourite season: Autumn

8. favourite flower: daffodil

9. favourite scent: don’t have one

10. favourite colour: green

11. favourite animal: dog

12. favourite fictional characters: what would be the bigger list, this one or a CVS receipt?

13. coffee, tea or hot chocolate: room-temperature milk

14. average sleep hours: 8

15. dog or cat person: dog, but all animals are good

16. number of blankets you sleep with: 1 STRONK mega warm one

17. dream trip: Japan again

18. blog established: July 22nd 2011???? That’s a long time to be on this hellsite

19. followers: 1045

20. random fact: I have 3 moles on my face.

Not tagging anybody because tbh I don’t know who’s active on tumblr or not anymore, feel free to just steal it.

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its-sixxers · 4 years

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tagged by @nukasoda!

NAME: Tara

NICKNAMES: I’ve gone by Six online since like, 2011 or so (no relation to Courier Six, I just liked the number). Most of my other online handles are furby related because I’m ridiculous. No actual nicknames though. :(

ZODIAC SIGN: Cancer

HEIGHT: 5′7″

LANGUAGES SPOKEN: Only English but I hope to learn some French... someday....

NATIONALITY: Canadian

FAVOURITE SEASON: Summer

FAVOURITE FLOWER: Lilacs! They’re amazing in summer and the bushes grow so big and I remember us having a bunch on the family farm. They smell like nostalgia.

FAVOURITE SCENT: Probably lilacs? Most floral scents. Also sandalwood/satsuma.

FAVOURITE COLOUR: Red

FAVOURITE ANIMAL: Rabbits

FAVOURITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER: UGH this one is very, very hard. There’s a lot of ASOIAF characters I really like (Sansa, Brienne, The Hound, Catelyn). Also a lot of Fallout characters I like. Atton Rand from KOTOR2 is also a strong contender. I can’t choose I love them all.

COFFEE, TEA, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: Can I pick coffee and tea one thing is fast becoming clear and it’s that I can’t make a solid decision for the life of me

AVERAGE SLEEP HOURS: 6-8. Not my preference but I gotta get up early and am allergic to falling asleep before midnight.

DOG OR CAT PERSON: Both are perfect in very different ways. I currently own two cats. My boyfriend has two dogs. Make of that what you will. :V

NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH: Just one big one. I have a little one to wrap around me at my computer desk.

DREAM TRIP: British Isles. Hook me up with those old castles and history and PUUUBS

BLOG ESTABLISHED: This one I made Dec 2019! It’s a brand new baby. My first blog I made in 2011 and dumped around 2016.

FOLLOWERS: 277! What the fuck guys. Now I GOTTA make cool shit

RANDOM FACT: I was riding a horse with my dad when I was six and he accidentally swung his leg too far around dismounting and knocked me off and that’s the story of how I broke my first bone. (My dad sat in the hospital room with me and almost fainted from guilt and I will never let him live it down) tagging: if u see this ur tagged. j/k but if you want to do it and say i tagged you because i’m the laziest person with these posts and am just like EH DO IT IF U WANNA

#tag memes #text post

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qualitystart · 4 years

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3 things: bruins bingo, the crack bear, horrendous long furbies

Bruins bingo! does someone who’s seen the 2011 run before wanna make a card just for it? might be fun to play while we watch along on NESN!

#if anyone does send me a link!#ask game #what's my brand #not hockey #q #circle--of--confusion #asks

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paoloxl · 5 years

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di Cesare Battisti da Carmilla

Così come lo Stato italiano, affiancato da media servizievoli – niente da obiettare – si è autorizzato tutti i mezzi disponibili, senza curarsi di cadere nell’illegalità, per riportarmi in Italia, io mi sono valso del diritto che la legge mi consentiva per evitarlo. Ma non era mia intenzione rifugiarmi qui dietro una supposta condotta legale da un lato e supposti abusi di potere dall’altro. Sappiamo che quando entra in campo la “ragione di Stato” diritto ed etica vanno in panchina. O vogliamo essere tanto ipocriti da negarlo? I moralisti d’occasione però non demordono, il linciaggio è il loro pane quotidiano. Dotati di una creatività di gusto discutibile, essi trovano sempre mille ragioni per improvvisarsi giudici e preti, assolvere o condannare anche quando nessuno glielo chiede, oppure quando non rimane più niente da dire: lo Stato mi ha scaricato a Oristano, ho ammesso le mie responsabilità, ho espresso la mia compassione per tutte le vittime senza distinzione.

A questo punto io dovrei chiudere questa lettera. Si dà però il caso che finora a parlare siano sempre stati gli stessi, quelli chiamati ad assolvere gli uni e a condannare sempre gli altri. Succede allora che non sono poche le persone che oggi mi chiedono un parere su questo o quell’avvenimento consumatosi in Brasile. Sono soprattutto tre gli episodi che mi è stato chiesto di chiarire. Vorrei qui trattare solo due di questi. Il terzo e ultimo merita un capitolo a parte in seguito, se sarà ancora il caso. Tengo a precisare che tutte le informazioni qui riportate sono documentabili nei rispettivi luoghi di competenza. So che non posso dilungarmi, questione di spazio ma anche di opportunità. Devo comunque premettere alcune informazioni basilari sul mio stato civile in Brasile, altrimenti certi avvenimenti perderebbero senso.

Dopo il decreto di non estradizione firmato dall’ex presidente Lula e la successiva conferma del Tribunale Supremo Federale nel 2011, ottenni un documento di residenza permanente in Brasile. Escluso quello di votare, questo documento mi conferiva tutti i diritti di un cittadino qualsiasi. Durante tutto il periodo brasiliano, oltre alla normale attività di scrittore, ho svolto diverse altre attività lavorative, tutte debitamente registrate, avendo così accesso come contribuente ai servizi prestati dallo Stato. Ho pubblicato alcuni romanzi, fatto traduzioni, militato in differenti situazioni politiche e socio-culturali, senza mai sconfinare nell’illegalità. Nel corso delle mie attività mi è capitato di visitare alcuni paesi confinanti col Brasile, come Uruguay, Argentina, Bolivia. Il documento rilasciatomi dall’autorità brasiliana mi consentiva di passare queste frontiere. Per finire, nel 2013 è nato mio figlio e nel 2015 mi sono sposato con la donna con cui convivevo dal 2004.

Detto ciò, vorrei passare a spiegare per grandi linee, così mi è stato chiesto, come sono avvenuti i miei due arresti in Brasile: quello del 2015 a Embù das Artes, Sȃo Paulo, e l’ultimo nel 2018 alla frontiera con la Bolivia.

I tentativi dello Stato italiano di strapparmi dal Brasile a ogni costo sono stati ininterrotti, e più efferati a ogni scacco inflitto dalla legge brasiliana. Era da tempo che apparati italiani in Brasile studiavano la possibilità, tra altre innominabili, di farmi ritirare la residenza e quindi ottenere l’espulsione. A questo proposito fu attivato un procuratore, noto magistrato di estrema destra, legato all’ambasciata italiana, tramite la lobby militarista che porterà Bolsonaro al potere.

Costui, dopo alcuni tentativi abortiti sul nascere, tanto flagrante era la sua interpretazione delle leggi nazionali, finì con l’associarsi a una giudice federale del foro di Brasilia, anch’essa nella sfera d’influenza militare e quindi dell’ambasciata italiana. Si istruì in segreto un processo dove, in barba a tutte le norme giuridiche previste, non furono mai convocate le parti.

Nel 2015 la sentenza della giudice federale Adverci Lates Mendes de Abreu, in una udienza da sottosuolo, mi revoca la residenza ordinando l’espulsione dal paese. Con l’intenzione di battere sul tempo gli avvocati difensori e le istanze superiori la giudice non fa pubblicare la sentenza, però ordina l’arresto e l’espulsione immediata. Il piano dell’ambasciata italiana con la lobby Bolsonaro sembrava ormai andato in porto.

Un giorno del mese di marzo l’Interpol si presentò a casa mia. Con l’aria di scusarsi, gli agenti mi invitarono a seguirli, rimproverandomi la leggerezza di non avere contattato in tempo il mio avvocato. Sembravano sinceramente preoccupati per quello che stava succedendo. In quel momento io non sapevo ancora che c’era un aereo pronto a imbarcarmi all’aeroporto internazionale di Sȃo Paulo. Non so ancora chi abbia avvertito l’avvocato. So solo che qualche ora dopo uscii libero dalla questura. L’avvocato fece in tempo a far valere l’art. 63 dello Statuto: “Non si procederà a espulsione se questa metta in questione un’estradizione non ammessa dalla legge brasiliana”.

Il 14 settembre 2015 la sesta sezione del Tribunale Regionale della Prima Regione (Sȃo Paulo) dichiarò illegittimo il mio arresto temporaneo avvenuto nel marzo 2015 in seguito alla sentenza di questa giudice. L’Italia reagì con la solita isteria (“Non avremo pace”, si urlò), come se imporre la propria volontà a un altro paese usando vie traverse fosse legittimo.

Lo Stato italiano mantenne viva la sua promessa. Avvalendosi di ogni mezzo disponibile, con l’obiettivo di farmi terra bruciata intorno e annientarmi psicologicamente, nei tre anni successivi trasformò in un inferno la mia vita quotidiana e quella della mia famiglia. Nessuno dei vicini di casa, l’ambiente di lavoro e le istanze del movimento politico e culturale da me frequentato, è stato risparmiato dalle pressioni, dalle calunnie provocatorie e dall’assedio ininterrotto di media aggressivi.

Nonostante la manovra di soffocamento, la solidarietà nei miei confronti si saldò, permettendomi di non rinunciare ai miei impegni familiari, professionali o di attività politica in seno ad alcuni movimenti sindacali e sociali, come l’MST (movimento di senza terra) e l’MTST (movimento di lavoratori senza tetto). Sono queste le istanze militanti che, negli anni precedenti, mi avevano consentito di allargare i contatti politico-culturali oltre frontiera. Fu il caso con alcuni membri del governo di Evo Morales e movimenti di lotta boliviani.

Fu credo alla metà del 2018, quando approfittai del viaggio di due membri del sindacato della USP (Università di Sȃo Paulo), di cui uno era il legale, per recarmi in Bolivia. Era mia intenzione rinnovare alcuni contatti politici e culturali (lavoravo all’epoca a un progetto editoriale), ma anche per accertarmi della futura disponibilità di asilo in quel paese, in vista della scalata al potere di Bolsonaro.

Partimmo da Sȃo Paulo. Ognuno di noi aveva con sé una modesta somma di denaro per coprire le spese di trasferta, e con il resto comprare nella zona franca qualche articolo d’informatica a prezzo ridotto. Giunti a circa 200 km dalla frontiera, fummo fermati a un posto di blocco. Si capiva subito che ci stavano aspettando. Dopo il controllo dei documenti, ci sottoposero a una perquisizione così accanita che durò ben due ore. Non si rassegnavano all’idea, era troppo evidente, che non fossimo in possesso di falsi documenti d’identità: erano stati dislocati apposta per eseguire un arresto con questa accusa.

Quando furono costretti a rilasciarci e ci restituirono documenti e valori, ci accorgemmo che i nostri soldi erano stati mischiati in un’unica mazzetta. Non ci facemmo troppo caso, al riprendere il cammino li separammo, a ognuno il proprio. Contammo allora, tra dollari, euro e moneta nazionale un totale di 22.000 reais (l’equivalente di circa 5.500 euro, mentre il limite di esportazione di valuta per persona, ignorato da tutti, sarebbe di 10.000 reais).

Al passo di Corumbà, Mato Grosso do Sul, ci attendeva un’altra sorpresa: il posto di frontiera, normalmente in disuso dopo la creazione del Mercosur, pullulava di polizia. Immaginammo subito che si fossero scomodati solo per noi, ma non avendo niente da recriminarci, tirammo dritto. Questa volta neanche finsero di controllare i bagagli o i documenti, erano interessati solo ai soldi. Al vedere che questi erano stati di nuovo separati si innervosirono. Cominciarono le intimidazioni, le minacce, poi mescolarono tutti i soldi su un tavolino e chiamarono un fotografo che gironzolava lì attorno, al quale dissero che la valuta era stata rinvenuta negli effetti personali di Battisti.

A nulla valsero le nostre rimostranze, ci consegnarono tutti e tre a una squadra del DIP (Dipartimento di Intelligence di Polizia) fresca arrivata da Brasilia. Fummo trasferiti in questura, dove cominciarono a tartassare i miei amici, affinché mi accusassero di qualcosa. Precedentemente – abbiamo saputo dopo – l’ambasciata italiana aveva avviato la parte finale del piano. Ossia, attivato il giudice Odillon, reuccio dittatore del foro di quello Stato, terrore degli avvocati, nemico giurato dei “signori dei diritti umani”. Questo personaggio doveva essere l’asso nella manica dell’ambasciata italiana: famigerato giustiziere, figura scomoda anche per la giustizia federale, sarebbe andato in pensione proprio il giorno seguente al nostro arresto.

In cambio di un’uscita gloriosa dalla carriera di magistrato e l’appoggio alla candidatura a governatore, il giudice Odillon si incaricò di mettermi ai ferri, costruire una falsa accusa di traffico di valuta (sic!), aggravata da nientedimeno che “lavaggio di denaro” – 22.000 reais in tre.

Una volta di più, lo strafare dei soliti furbi non ha pagato. L’accusa fu tanto inverosimile che un giudice d’istanza superiore (di origine italiana e, a suo dire, dispiaciuto di farlo) ha dovuto ordinare l’immediato rilascio del sottoscritto, con una lavata di testa allo sfortunato giudice Odillon, che poi perderà anche le elezioni. Per l’ennesima volta, il solito aereo di Stato, sempre a disposizione di Cesare Battisti, dovette tornare in Italia senza il “mostro”.

Per il prossimo capitolo posso anticipare questo aneddoto. Disse all’epoca dei fatti un ministro brasiliano di Giustizia, e grande amico di Bolsonaro: “Sono stati ingenui ad agire a quel modo. Io lo avrei lasciato passare in Bolivia, lì sarebbe stato presa facile”. Lo stesso ministro che ha impedito a Lula di presentarsi alle presidenziali, mantenendolo in prigione, firmò il 18 dicembre di quell’anno (casualmente il giorno del mio compleanno) l’autorizzazione per la mia estradizione.

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