The Miys, Ch. 88

Sophia, the day after her conversation with Tyche.

Thank you to @satan-parisienne and @baelpenrose for keeping me going and on an even keel! Sorry the Author’s Note is so short... I didn’t realize until I had about 10 mins before I had to be back at work that I forgot to queue this for today *facepalm*

The next day was an entire education on new places I could be sore. A hot shower and analgesics only took the barest edge off, and I ended up needing a transport to get to my office instead of my routine walk. I did my best to ignore the grin on Conor’s face every time I moved too fast and winced.  After the third time I scowled at him, I brought up my datapad and did some research, careful not to tap my legs as I gestured, which had become something of a habit.

 “That snot,” I gasped. Conor glanced at me, so I clarified. “Tyche had me doing fencing footwork yesterday…. Intermediate footwork, it turns out. No wonder I’m so sore.”

 “Least it wasn’t sparring,” he pointed out cheerfully, gently lifting my chin to get a look at my lip.  “You should have let Noah heal that, love.”

 I brushed my cheek against his hand. “I want the reminder. May even let her do it again once it heals.”

 This time, it was his turn to scowl. “Not funny.  That face has been bruised enough for one lifetime.” He gently rubbed my cheek as the transport stopped. “Okay, time to go be the boss.  No fighting with the other kids.”  Despite the joking tone, his eyes were serious as he leaned in to kiss me before he headed to his shift.

 I realized that Alistair not only beat me to work, but could apparently hear me groaning as I tried to walk, because the door opened before I was even within three feet of it.  True to form, he gave me an appraising look before his expression settled on my face. “Door get a bit mouthy today? Or did your feet decide you needed to stay home?”

 “Tyche punched me, actually.” My tone was light as I inched my way to my desk. “For defending myself. And then she decided I need more ways to defend myself, so now I can hardly move.”

 “Solid logic,” he deadpanned as he handed me a cup of coffee. “I feel obliged to point out that the coffee is hot, seeing as you display a disturbing propensity to get hurt.”

 “Very funny.”

 “You have been warned, et cetera, so on, so forth.” He waved a hand nonchalantly as he turned, bringing up my agenda for the day. “Your first meeting is the one to discuss medical testing ethics, criteria for volunteers, and determination of the necessity of the procedures. Then you have time set aside to review the status of the Galactic Core Curriculum, along with proposals for expanded learning topics and their existing analogues in the education systems of other planets - “ He paused and tilted his head. “I will never cease to be caught off guard when sentences like that exist.”

 I restrained the urge to nod - or more accurately, my back twinged with a warning not to even consider it. “Believe me, I understand. Noah and I were talking about other species a few weeks ago. Did you know there is a species of avians out there who essentially live on a planet with no surface atmosphere?”

 “The Preeyar, yes,” he sighed wistfully. “Knowing that Fermi was simply impatient has been quite eye-opening, so to speak.”

“Well, he wasn’t wrong,” I conceded. “We were too young for extraterrestrial civilizations, we weren’t listening properly, they apparently weren’t trying to contact us until recently…  But they do exist.” A smile crept on my face at the idea that we really hadn’t been alone in the universe.

My office door opened without warning, and a familiar voice chimed in as Alistair turned with clenched fists. “I do argue that we are entirely too dangerous to have been contacted.” Arthur Farro stood leaning against the frame, and Alistair relaxed marginally. “At least we were until relatively recently…. Throwing nuclear ordinance at each other the moment killing each other in the thousands - rather than the millions - stopped scratching that vicious itch. Who does that?  We’re like demented eight-year-olds who got bored of burning ants and started setting each other’s hair on fire instead.”

“You really should keep that door secured,” my assistant sniffed as he closed out my agenda, right around the time he caught Arthur squinting at it.

“He has the code,” I admitted.

“Or maybe that was accidental,” our resident history teacher continued, ignoring us. “I’m a big fan of assuming stupidity instead of malice where possible.  And, dear lord, does our track record make it plausible.”  Finally entering the room, he flicked a finger at my face. “That was not, however.”

Before I could stop him, Alistair took one glance between me and my friend, and strode to the door. “No.”

“Alistair…”

“I’ll clear your calendar. No. Have a good day.”

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Arthur asked as the door closed behind my soon-to-be-ex assistant.

“That he’s a coward,” I muttered.

“You know damned well that’s not what I mean.”

“Tyche already decked me.” I gestured at my split lip and the bruise that bloomed on my chin overnight. “So, yeah, I know - “

“No, you really don’t seem to.”

“Arthur, stop.”

“I will not.” He stepped forward and placed both his hands, palms down, on my desk.  He knew I hated that gesture. “Bjornson’s entire narrative hinges on you being more dangerous than anyone realizes, and you putting up a display of false helplessness to make everyone trust you.  By decking one of his followers, not only did you show that you do, in fact, have violence in you - meaning that it’s now entirely plausible you’re as Machiavellian as they claim - but you’ve also gone and indicated for whatever reason that Jokull is enough of a threat to drop that premise.” Straightening, he crossed his arms in clear disappointment. “If you wanted to give him more credibility, good job. You succeeded.”

I swallowed every bit of hurt I felt at his words, reminding myself they were nowhere near as barbed as the ones Tyche had given me the day before. Instead, I tilted my head and arched an eyebrow at him. “Are you done? Did you say everything you needed to say?” I paused, giving him a chance to respond. When he didn’t, I poked harder. “Feel better?”

“Not particularly, but big picture? I’m not a terribly gleeful person, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. But yes, it is your turn now.”

“Gracious of you,” I cooed sarcastically.  “Tyche made the same points yesterday, after punching me in the face, with the added gravitas of a guilt trip served with that special seasoning of having watched me almost die and thinking I abandoned her as a child. Also three hours with a rapier, whipping my ass. So. Far more impressive, I assure you.”

“Foiled again by the smaller Reid,” he sighed dramatically before catching himself.  “Rapier, you say? I was going to say no pun intended, but I’ve decided I did that on purpose. Yep. Totally intentional.”

I rolled my eyes before pulling up my tunic to show the bruises on my midriff. “I’m not very good at it, for the record.”

He waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry, saber’s a better style anyway.  And I’m not just saying that because it’s my favorite.”

“Uh huh,” I nodded, not entirely convinced. “As far as Bjornson… seriously. She gave me the scoop.  I seriously fubared the entire situation yesterday.  Apparently, our suspected cult leader only believes in physical attacks on those who would defend themselves. No honor in beating a beaten foe, et cetera.”

“Mmm hmmm,” he nodded, like I was a student he was letting reach her own conclusion.

“Which means I just made it open season on Sophias,” I groaned.

“Really, saber is much better for brawling tactics,” he hedged.

I laughed bitterly. “Doesn’t matter.  My walking privileges are revoked until further notice. Must be accompanied by one of six people, or two out of another ten, and on a transport.” The last word came out like a profanity.  It was a known fact I hated using them.

Hence why I was now being forced to, unfortunately.

“If you think there is any possibility that I’m going to argue against Tyche on that decision, I need to talk to her about that head scan,” he told me pointedly. “Then again, you and I have different definitions of the word ‘think’, but I’ll be clear - it’s not happening.  Moving target, faster than a walking pace, with a protective attachment? Which roster am I on, again?”

“Very funny. You already know.”

His expression softened slightly when he realized I was actually upset. “There is some good news in all of this.”

I threw up my hands and spun in my chair. “Oh, do tell, great military historian and warlord. What is the shining silver lining to the fact that I just gave a man who thinks I am the only thing standing between him and his New Start a golden ticket to sic his followers on me?”

“Okay, first off, sassy shit, my main career is a school teacher. I only moonlighted as a warlord to pay those apocalypse bills. Not my fault I was good at it.” Suddenly, he got serious. “The good new is, if he was too stupid to realize that your talent for inspiring loyalty meant you were a massive problem for any takeover plan, and a problem he’d have to deal with sooner or later….. Well, he’s probably too stupid to keep his little cult together much longer.  Leaders who don’t recognize more than one kind of strength never manage to build a lasting legacy.”

“My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair…” I said, half to myself.

“Yeah, our guy is no Ramses II,” Arthur replied.  “Besides, those who seek power are rarely good at keeping it.”

“I would have given him my seat on the Council if he’d just asked,” I admitted.

“Besides the fact that you literally just proved my point, if he was suited to the Council, he’d be on it.  It’s not like you were the only candidate.”

I shrugged. “No idea. I didn’t even know I was on the Council for the first week. I think it was a week.”

When I turned to look at him, I was met with a flat stare. “I know it was explained to you at some point.  How does that search function work?” He reached forward like he was going to tap my head before I swatted his hand away. “You were appointed to the Council to replace Simon, you represent a specific population on board the Ark, when we arrive at Von, you will serve an additional two planetary standard years before elections are held, of which you cannot be a candidate….”

Ugh. “I was put forward as a recommendation by Simon. The other Councillors put forward their candidates. The population I represent voted based on my personnel file, since no one even knew any of the candidates at that point. We’d only been on the Ark about six months. Some of us, anyway.” Glaring, I narrowed my eyes at him. “I don’t know how you figured that out, but I have a feeling I’m going to kill someone.”

He waved a hand at me in a very familiar gesture. “I see other people do it all the time. Jog your memory, and some phrase or word triggers it.  Cool to watch, though.” With a shrug, he continued. “Point is, Bjornson wasn’t even a candidate, same as me.”

“How do you know that?” I asked incredulously.

“Fuck, Sophia. You really need to keep track of your constituents.”

“Hey, I didn’t even want to be a - Wait. You are one of my so-called ‘constituents’!?”

“Even voted for you,” he grinned.  “Didn’t know it was you-you, but… Communications background, peaceful but intelligent attributes to balance out our resident warhawk, fair enough to offset Huynh, and you seemed like the type to actually listen to Grey, Pranav, and Eino.” He shrugged. “To be fair, I was right.”

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10 Ways to Meditate With Your Children

We all wish to live hassle-free lives, and also kids are no exemption. Childhood meditation can boost internal tranquility, focus, and also confidence.

However, meditating with your youngsters often can be tough if you do not use variation. A youngster's mind is finding what it suches as or does not such as. I do advise practicing meditation at roughly the very same time each day, a new activity holds a kid's exhilaration. You know your kid better than anyone, so begin with a technique you believe they would certainly appreciate the many. I have actually consisted of a couple of methods to integrate innovation into a mindfulness technique-- these suggestions are for the kids that are technologically minded or reside in environments that experience severe chilly, where outdoors time is limited.

Cell Phone Timer

Allow the kid to set the timer on your phone. She or he need to practice meditation for one min for each and every year of their age. Established the timer for 3 minutes for a 3-year-old. Ask the child if they wish to play a video game on your phone when the alarm system sounds. Make sure to ask this with enjoyment! When they reply indeed, inform them the only rule is to be silent up until they hear the phone.

Close your eyes as you sit with them. This motivates the child to do the same without adding another rule or need. If they pick to leave their eyes open this is fine as well. This meditation is just to encourage stillness.

Coloring

Coloring is one type of energetic reflection. The movement in coloring is slow-moving, focused, and also provides sufficient concentration to reduce arbitrary thoughts beyond the project at hand.

If your kid wants to chat a great deal throughout color time, compensate them for their silent time efforts. Assure them you're looking ahead to listening to everything about their development once the quiet time ends.

Pay focus to the colors your kid selects. Do they have a tendency to use the very same 2 or 3? An excellent discussion to include into coloring meditation practice is just how the colors align with the Chakras.

Viewing the Elements

Humans are normally drawn to the components that border us. Our mind and also body is built of these same elements, stimulating a genuine link. Below are a couple of ideas to incorporate each element in your kid's life.

Fire: Construct a yard bonfire, use the interior fireplace, or watch a lit candle. Gazing at flames is a visual method to concentrate the mind.

Water: If outdoor water is not easily offered include a tiny interior fountain to your home, rest the child in the bath tub or shower room and turn the shower on a very easy flow enjoying and listening together, or have him or her sit steadly in a warm bath before starting normal bathroom time rituals.

Earth: Dig up some worms just to watch them, observe the veins or growth of a plant, or lay on the ground in silence as well as ask the youngster to pretend to be an ant.

Air: Hang around in silence watching clouds, trees, and airplanes. You can attempt a game where the child claims or envisions himself or herself as a quiet drone.

Space: Check out the outstanding visual excitement of the evening, as well as choose worlds, stars, as well as the moon. Have your kid name the world or constellation.

Kaleidoscopes

A kaleidoscope is a cylinder with mirrors consisting of loose, tinted things such as beads, stones, or little bits of glass. The typical kaleidoscope is turned manually, yet in today's age of modern technology you may additionally change your kaleidoscope experience by seeing a video clip. Youtube uses such video clips in numerous play times.

Tibetan Singing Bowl

Singing bowls are made use of for noise healing. These bowls are extremely unwinding to pay attention to or play. Encourage the youngster to take turns between the 2 of you playing, while the various other listens. If you're not exactly sure how to play the bowl, ask where you make your acquisition. You can also find tutorials online.

Floating in a Pool or Water

Floating in water can be introspective along with developed into a game. Time your child, motivating longer float times and also leisure. For your own downtime, ask the kid to quietly count as you float.

Guided Meditation

Guide your kid in a relaxing experience. Make use of the characters, visuals, and also experiences you feel they would certainly delight in. This does not need to correlate with what adults are accustomed to. A child will remain interested in your voice a lot longer if you spin a story concerning Spiderman, not water flowing. Bear in mind to talk softly and slightly slower than you usually speak.

Check out the Chopra Facility's kids' reflection app for assisted meditations children will love.

Bead Art

Making a beaded locket or bracelet is introspective as well as can also make the youngster really feel achieved. Offer these items of beaded art away as presents. This method of creating and after that giving shows the child exactly how to show love while practicing the doctrine of Giving and also Receiving.

Puzzles

Choose an area in the house where it would be all right for a problem to stay out for a few days. The last thing we desire is any kind of stress and anxiety around your numerous meditative methods. A mom stressed regarding an incomplete challenge on the cooking area table need to be avoided.

If your youngster is new to challenges start with a smaller sized as well as less complicated alternative. Not all children like challenges, examination it out prior to delving into a huge item. If problems are appreciated, this is a fantastic means for the household to delight in a movement reflection together.

Animals

If family pets belong of your family, alloted a long time to pet dog them in silence. If you do not have a pet, enjoy animals in nature, check out a petting zoo, or maybe a family good friend who has access to animals.

Explore various sorts of animal species. You might favor canines, this does not suggest this is your youngster's favorite. Offering at animal shelters or becoming a pet foster parent can be wonderful choices as well.

Enjoy exploring these meditation methods. After each reflection session, try to discuss this experience with your child. Ask them what they saw, felt, and heard. Most importantly, do not press or get irritated. If they talk excessive, that's okay. If they're not right into the experience someday, that's all right too.

If you make it seem like a chore, they will retreat. Rather, let them go at their speed. You ought to function as a guide just. Launch discussion on the subject of meditation, and let them know that all of these activities are a form of the method. Eventually, your kid may make use of one of these reflective devices when he or she gets upset.

Ananda is the perfect application to get your children interested in mindfulness as well as meditation. This adjustable meditation application will allow you to experience mindfulness with your kids in a creative way, bringing you better with each other. Go here to learn more.

Robin Wright Discusses Kevin Spacey: ‘I Didn’t Know The Man’

Robin Wright Discusses Kevin Spacey: ‘I Didn’t Know The Man’

As part of the long lead up to House of Card ’s sixth and final season , the show’s new commander-in-chief Robin Wright sits down with Today host Savannah Guthrie to discuss her former co-star Kevin Spacey, who was fired from the HBO series after facing accusations of sexual misconduct. If you’re wondering if the actress knew about Spacey’s alleged sexual harassment , sexual assault or his attempt to have sex with actor Anthony Rapp when the Star Trek: Discovery star was only 14, Wright wants to make it clear their relationship didn’t really extend past set. “Kevin and I knew each other between action and cut, and in between setups, where we would giggle,” Wright says in an interview teaser released Sunday. “I didn’t really…I didn’t know the man. I knew the incredible craftsman that he is.” House of Cards showrunner Beau Willimon also previously denied any knowledge of Spacey’s alleged on-set sexual harassment , though three HoC crew members claim the actor’s behavior was well-known and was even discussed in production meetings, where it was allegedly treated “like a joke.” In a statement made after Rapp lodged his allegation against him in October of last year, Spacey said in part, “I honestly do not remember the encounter, it would have been over 30 years ago. But if I did behave then as he describes, I owe him the sincerest apology for what would have been deeply inappropriate drunken behavior.” He has since denied the other allegations made against him. Wright’s full Today interview will air Monday morning. “Kevin and I knew each other between action and cut.” Watch a preview of @SavannahGuthrie ’s exclusive conversation with @RealRobinWright about Kevin Spacey and @HouseofCards . Tune in tomorrow for full interview. pic.twitter.com/9jCUnyVd0e — TODAY (@TODAYshow) July 8, 2018 Related We Have Robin Wright to Thank for Saving House of Cards , Post-Kevin Spacey Tags: robin wright today kevin spacey house of cards Robin Wright Discusses Kevin Spacey: ‘I Didn’t Know The Man’ What to Stream Now See what’s new and notable on Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, and HBO Katharine What’s Maisie Williams Trying to Tell Us in Her Game of Thrones Send-Off Photo? 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By Lisa Miller who is america? 7:54 p.m. Dick Cheney Signs Waterboard Kit in New Sacha Baron Cohen Showtime Teaser Yes, the actual, literal Dick Cheney. virginia is for capitalism 2:19 p.m. Guess How Much Money Virginia Paid The Bachelorette to Film There We love the Freedom of Information Act, baby! young love 12:49 p.m. Somebody check on Selena. $$$ 12:41 p.m. XXXTentacion Signed Massive Record Deal Prior to His Death $10 million, to be exact. the industry 11:20 a.m. Game of Thrones’ Natalie Dormer Defending Her New Film From ‘Sadistic’ Criticism “There has to be sexuality in the power play of a thriller.” da new ali g 10:24 a.m. The series, airing Sunday nights, is titled Who Is America? 2:15 a.m. Tom Holland Pays Tribute to Spider-Man Co-Creator Steve Ditko “He made so many people so happy and changed lives – most of all, mine!” movies 1:45 a.m. Ant-Man and the Wasp Has Really Big Opening Weekend The sequel is actually doing better than the original, imagine that. miss america organization 1:11 a.m. The Miss America Drama Rages On It’s like Game of Thrones with fewer stab wounds and more rhinestones. game of guesses Yesterday at 2:13 p.m. What’s Maisie Williams Trying to Tell Us in Her Game of Thrones Send-Off Photo? See ya never, Westeros. it’s not tv it’s hbo Yesterday at 1:07 p.m. Sharp Objects Will End All Episodes With Mental Health and Substance Abuse PSAs It’s similar to what 13 Reasons Why did. Sign In to Comment

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Seltzer: Counting down the 10 biggest MLS stars in the US Open Cup

Jay Biggerstaff/USA Today Sports

June 5, 201811:55AM EDT

As MLS teams get ready to enter the always exciting Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup fray, we decided to take a stroll down memory lane to identify the tournament’s biggest stars during the MLS era.

There were so many excellent choices for this ranking, that there was no room for either repeated standouts such as C.J. Brown, Kenny Cooper, Dom Dwyer, Andy Herron, Nate Jaqua and Jaime Moreno, or for dazzling one-season flashes like Igor Simutenkov and Obafemi Martins. And yet, leaving all those guys out was far easier than deciding the final order of our amazing top four.

10) Ante Razov

The LA Galaxy assistant coach played for five MLS teams, but all of his Open Cup heroics came as a member of the Chicago Fire. Razov, who set up Jerzy Podbrozny’s extra time winner in the 1999 final, celebrated three titles with the Windy City boys. In all, the striker notched six goals and five assists in 11 USOC matches for the Fire.

9) Benny Feilhaber

The LAFC playmaker has done nearly all of his Open Cup damage to date (four goals and 10 helpers in 14 career tournament games) with Sporting Kansas City. Feilhaber has keyed a pair of championship runs there, in 2015 and 2017. His late strike decided the 2015 semifinal and he teed up Daniel Salloi’s final winner last year.

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8) Matt Besler

Defenders often get forgotten on these types of list, but not this time. The Sporting KC center back stalwart has enjoyed three title celebrations. On top of performing all of his defensive duties, Besler made good on all-important penalty shootout tries in SKC’s titles in both 2012 and 2015. The team has five shutouts in Besler’s 15 cup matches, and an 8-1 record since he took the armband.

7) James Riley

We turn to another defender, and you may well be surprised to realize he was such an Open Cup hero. Riley played every minute of five finals for three clubs, and raised the silverware every time. His first crown came with New England in 2007, followed soon thereafter by three straight in Seattle (2009-2011), and then topped off with a D.C. United title triumph in 2013. His five teams (including Chivas USA and Colorado) went 17-1 when the wide back started and only leaked multiple goals once.

6) Josh Wolff

Now an assistant coach in Columbus, Wolff was often at his best in Open Cup play. In Chicago’s 1998 final victory, the former US international drew the spot kick for their opening goal. Two years later, Wolff’s 112th-minute semifinal winner sent the Fire to another championship match, which they won. After moving to Sporting KC, he earned the golden goal free kick buried by Simutenkov in the 2004 final. In total, the attacker put up 10 goals and five assists in 20 Cup games.

5) Sebastien Le Toux

It shows the great wealth of worthy choices for this ranking that the tournament’s modern-era top scorer can only manage to land in the No. 5 spot. In addition to netting 16 goals (including 10 during consecutive shock semifinal runs in the Sounders’ last two USL campaigns), Le Toux also recorded 11 assists in his 33 career USOC matches. He only triumphed in one of his three finals appearances, with Seattle in 2009, but he did lead the Philadelphia Union on stirring runs to the title game in 2014 and 2015.

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4) Kasey Keller

The US national team legend’s Open Cup story was short but sweet. Keller played in three tournaments for the Sounders and celebrated the title each time. After making six saves in the 2009 final, he was named Player of the Tournament. The following year, the netminder started Seattle’s championship drive by making two penalty stops in a shootout win over arch-rivals Portland. Keller would end up 9-0 in Cup play with just six goals conceded.

3) Osvaldo Alonso

If not for a shootout-opening miss in the 2012 final, the Sounders captain might have topped this list. The heart of Seattle’s midfield, he helped them to four championships from five title matches. Prior to that, Alonso helped Charleston reach the 2008 final, where they fell to D.C. United. He has even turned on his scoring boots in Open Cup play, with his 2011 final icebreaker among seven goals in 20 career tourney games.

2) Fredy Montero

The forward helped Seattle to four straight finals, winning the first three of them. Montero is the only player in the MLS era to have scored in two championship matches. One of those final strikes was the late winner in their 2011 three-peat job, which saw him named Player of the Tournament. In 13 career Open Cup matches, he bagged seven goals, including four game-winners. The only time Seattle lost a cup match with Montero in the lineup was the 2012 final, which saw him removed for tactical reasons 15 minutes before the penalty shootout. Oops.

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1) Tim Melia

The Sporting KC ‘keeper has backstopped two title runs in the last three years. In the 2015 final, Melia starred with eight saves over 120 minutes and added two more in the successful shootout. Last year, Melia made six stops in the final, and was named Player of the Tournament. Thus far, the KC bunch are 10-0 with four shutouts when he starts. Heck, he even won four of five cup contests (including two more penalty kick triumphs) while punching up a class with lower league sides Charleston and Rochester. You might get away with a tug on Superman’s cape or spitting into the wind, but when it comes to the U.S. Open Cup, you don’t mess around with Tim.

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Seltzer: Counting down the 10 biggest MLS stars in the US Open Cup was originally published on 365 Football

Thoughts during the Nintendo Switch presentation 01/12/17

While waiting to watch the presentation, I realized I really wanted to write down what I was thinking. So, here are my thoughts during the presentation. I haven’t really done anything like this before, so it may seem a bit odd. Note: Every one of these reactions were real. A few of these were typed while the video was paused, which I think worked out better than typing while watching. Either way, these are best read alongside watching the video, linked here.

Enjoy!

Pre-Start: Was this 30-mins of store-brand chillstep necessary? 33:33 - AAAAAAAHH! It's releasing too soon! My body is not ready! Help me, Reggie! Where are you? 35:42 - Nice, I actually expected a $400 price tag 36:13 - inb4 paid subscription 36:40 - Called It 37:14 - Hopefully Nintendo can help reverse the trend they started with region locking. I like the occasional imported game. 37:36 - Please tell me they aren't going to repeatedly snap for the next hour... 37:53 - Lol we think our audience doesn't know the term "Design Philosophy" 39:02 - Wait, where's the "DNA" of the Virtual Boy? Did it not get invited to the Switch orgy? I wanted VR gaming that would burn my eyes out within 10 minutes! 41:27 - 41:36 - I swear, Nintendo loves repeating themselv... WTF!? That is a shit battery life!!! 41:44 - Ok, it has a USB standard. I'm ok with the battery if I can get an external for it. (I'm calling it now, Charger bags for the switch are going to be a thing.) 42:10 - Nintendo sure wants its' demographic to leave the house. 43:33 - I can't get over these Joy-Con things. What are these, controllers for ants!? 44:35 - "Whoops, we forgot to program in our new sharing features. We'll put it in later." 44:52 - "Now you can shimmy shimmy shimmy with your new Nintendo Switch!" 45:10 - Yep, those shoulder buttons totally won't get broken being in the connector piece. 45:40 - "They fit in the palm of your hand" if you're a small child, yeah. Which, that's a good thing to bring up. They are not targeting kids in this at all. Everything i've seen is targeting the young adult crowd. 45:53 - See, this is what i'm talking about. "You can release the tension from your shoulders, and relax while you play." They're targeting the working crowd, not kids. ...well, I hope they're not targeting the working kids demographic... Also at 45:53 - "Mario Paint me like one of your French girls" 46:14 - What is this... 46:24 - Oh, look, the magic of hype marketing! 46:45 - Now you can shimmy shimmy shimmy without throwing your controller. 47:24 - Careful, Nintendo, Don't say the C-word. It's a trigger word for the Orwellians in the audience. 47:40 - ... 48:20 - I don't know why, but this whole part is making me uncomfortable. 48:36 - Nintendo seems to have a hard-on for galaxy-looking stuff nowadays. 48:51 - Yeah, this snapping thing is going to go on forever. 50:45 - Ok, now what the hell am I watching? 52:36 - Nintendo sure wants its' demographic to socialize. 52:55 - "4: Spend half an hour arguing over what to play. 5: Lament that Smash Bros isn't on the Switch. 6: Regret your early purchase." 53:54 - Oooo, some kind of fighting game, that would be interesting. They /did/ say it would be challenging. 54:00 - Office worker fighting a middle-school girl. This ought to turn out well. 54:34 - wat 54:45 - wat 55:20 - ...what am I watching? 56:08 - Arms? ARMS? Why would you name it that? They don't /have/ arms! 57:20 - Hmm, those are interesting controls. 59:20 - Arms: Because having a new idea ALWAYS means you should make it. 59:40 - Yep, wildly flailing your hands = Strategy and tactfulness, and they recommend carrying the game into public to wildly flail your hands at other people doing the same. Real social booster, Nintendo. You know your demographic well. 59:50 - Ah, Splatoon, it's so good to know Nintendo still has a hard-on for their new money maker. They totally won't repeat the mistake of letting other things fall apart from focusing on you too much. 1:01:50 - I would like to take this time to give a shout-out to whoever the English translator is in this presentation. He has just completely given up on trying to convey the emotional nuances in the presenters' speech, and it's making this much more enjoyable to watch. 1:03:07 - Oh good, now I can hurl my entire console across the room when I lose a game. It's what i've always wanted. 1:03:51 - Oh. My gods. I just saw that. That pose was actually a thing. Wait wait wait, i'mma rewind it. 1:04:25 - Well, no need. He did it again. 11/10 best dab 1:04:52 - [after that lame pan, I got up, went out for a cigarette, and contemplated life.] 1:05:05 - Ooo, another Jet Set Radio-style game? I'm down for that. 1:05:20 - wat 1:05:30 - wat 1:05:40 - Okay, so a Mario game in an urban setting? Eh, seems like a cool idea... 1:05:50 - or not 01:06:07 - Well, at least the graphics are really niDAMMIT!!! What is this low-poly nonsense? 1:06:26 - Ah, jump-roping. My favorite of classic Mario gameplay. 1:06:33 - All jokes aside, these landscapes are freaking beautiful! 1:06:50 - Ah, hat tossing. My favorite of classic Mario gameplay. Seriously though, that does add an interesting idea to the classic platform formula. 1:07:01 - 'Bowser & Peach: A Royal Wedding'. Wow. I wonder what that that kid would look like. I know Bowser Jr. turned out not to be her kid. Dammit, now I have the image of Bowser with long flowing blonde hair. 1:07:05 - Oh no, he crushed the hat. Good thing it isn't alive. 1:07:06 - Wow, Bowser Jr. and gang are looking a little white-washed. 1:07:25 - Well, Super Mario Odyssey looks pretty good. Pretty epic gameplay. 1:07:33 - AAAAAAAA! THAT THING HAS EYES! IT'S ALIVE! Mario: "Yeah!" 1:07:37 - AAAAAAAA! NOW IT HAS EYES ON THE LOGO TOO! 1:07:41 - AAAAAAAA! OH GODS NOW IT'S REAL! 1:08:32 - YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I NOTICED THEM! 1:09:28 - They're launching without a Mario title. Have they not learned their lesson yet? 1:09:50 - Oh good, another Xenoblade. [skips forward in the video] 1:10:06 - [stops skipping] Wow, the graphics actually don't look half bad. That framerate looks atrocious though. 1:12:07 - Oh look, another Fire Emblem trailer that tells me nothing [massages forehead] 1:12:35 - Oh boy, it's time for the yearly Third-Party Garbage Fire! 1:12:44 - Funny, I didn't know Unity and Autodesk made their own games. It's almost like Nintendo wanted to fill this image with whatever they could scrape up. 1:13:21 - Meanwhile, at Square-Enix headquarters: "Crap, we don't have anything to put on the Switch yet. Let's just port a few games over to it for now." 1:13:41 - Oh, an Atlus game. I'm actually excited! Maybe we're getting a new Shin Megami Tensei! 1:15:00 - ... Right, moving along. 1:15:44 - Ok, this actually looks really good. Mental note: keep an eye out for Octopath Traveller. Maybe this won't be the garbage fire i'm predicting. 1:16:36 - This snapping thing... I swear. 1:17:00 - This translator is so done. I can't stop laughing. 1:17:40 - Oh good, Bethesda can now pat their own back on Nintendo Switch. Seriously, I actually don't like that they remastered Skyrim. They could have put that effort into a new game. 1:18:50 - Ok, I feel bad for this guy. That was awkward as shit, and you can tell he immediately realized it. 1:18:54 to 1:19:05 - Ok, the translator literally stopped talking. You can actually hear him scoff at 1:19:01. This is the best part of the show. 1:20:00 - And here we see the garbage fire I was predicting. This presenter looks like he just got shoved out on stage at the last second, and has no idea what he's trying to say. Even the translator is having trouble understanding him. 1:21:18 - Thank the gods that's over. Moving on. 1:21:29 - Oh dear sweet zebra, it's EA. Hold on, I wanna guess this one. Some sports game, no footage, and we'll get to the end somehow having lost knowledge along the way. 1:24:37 - And nailed it. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have reached the end of the ride. Thank you for attending the 15th Annual Third Party Garbage Fire. Please keep all hands, feet, and accessories inside the vehicle until the vehicle comes to a full stop. Please exit through the Gift Shop on the right, and have a wonderful day! 1:25:05 - Ok, there's the montage. It's the standard signal that it's almost over. ...wait, where's LoZ? 1:28:28 - I like how they're talking about how it's going to have a version with colored controllers like it's a game-changer. 1:29:00 - Yay, let's jump to Nintendo Europe, where they get to hear about how they are getting no information yet! 1:30:15 - Oh gods, I was just kidding before. They really did get nothing. 1:30:27 - Oh, Reggie! I'm so glad you're here. I need help! My body isn't ready! 1:30:48 - Is that Miyamoto just chillin in the background? I think he may be stuck in the US now. He's been showing up on US television a lot lately. 1:31:55 - "If you listen carefully, you can hear it floating in the air. Yep, there it is. I'm high as fuck." 1:32:22 - Yep, it was Miyamoto. Why did I recognize him from the back of his head? 1:32:32 - They are talking to each other in their own languages. This is great. 1:32:44 - AAAAAAA! Why the hell are you just jumping out of a hiding spot like that? Don't you know that's like taking the express lane to gettin’ hit? 1:32:57 - "When are we releasing Loz?" "Idk, ask him." "Oh, idk either. Ask someone in another country." 1:34:29 - Yay, finally! LoZ! Time to find out if it's a launch title! 1:35:40 - Neat, full voice acting! 1:37:55 - Woo! Launch Title! Aaand that's the end of it. That was a bucket of fun, and every bit the train wreck I thought it would be. I personally think they are rushing the release of this console, and it looks like I can count on one hand how many games there will be at launch. Like I said at the beginning, this was the first time i’ve done something like this, and it was much more fun than I anticipated. I may do a video saying this over the presentation later on, i’m on the fence about it. I may just shelve the idea until another video.  Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!