Terrible photo - sorry - but I went to Half Price Books and found a few gems I wasn't looking for but that I'm happy to have now! :D

(Clockwise from the top left: The Bangles' "Walk Like an Egyptian" b/w "Angels Don't Fall in Love", Rita Coolidge's "(Your Love Has Lifted Me) Higher and Higher" b/w "Who's to Bless and Who's to Blame", Joan Armatrading's The Shouting Stage, and Los Lonely Boys)

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 5

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Melissa Chase (Milo Murphy’s Law)

"Her self worth is entirely based on her grade point average and getting straight As. She can’t remember anything, ever (specific examples include forgetting her maths book regularly, her student pass for the subway, and how many days are in February). However, she CAN remember the blood type of every president. She is terrible at throwing She gets visually upset when she realises that a plan was changed last minute, and that an academic event she expected to do well in was combined with a sporting event, giving no time to prepare for the new event She freaks OUT when she thinks she’s going to disappoint her headteacher- she doesn’t seem to expect to be given any actual punishment, just that the headteacher will be disappointed and think that she’s irresponsible She has a whole conspiracy room in her house dedicated to researching her best friend’s medical condition- Murphy’s Law being an interest that she is clearly very passionate about and interested in. she does all of that and still can’t remember her maths book. relatable queen her ambition in life is to be a “journalist, and queen of the universe” "

Candace Flynn (Phineas and Ferb)

"A ball of stress and anxiety. She's always angry because nobody listens to her, cares about her feelings, or believes her about anything, which tbh is like the quintessential teenage girl experience. Secretly just wants her parents to recognise and appreciate her."

V-Flower (Vocaloid)

"they believe that people only care about them when they are in pain"

Ciaphas Cain (Warhammer 40k)

"Don't let the sharp jawline and the mutton-chops fool you: Ciaphas Cain has no idea what he's fucking doing and would very much like to not be here right now. He is a high-ranking Commissar, essentially a walking morale boost for Imperial Guard soldiers and one of the only symbols of hope in the grimdark Warhammer 40k universe. He also has no idea how he got the job or how to get the hell out. Commissar Cain spends all his time accidentally doing magnificent bastard things while trying to run away from danger and dying inside. Over the course of his books, he's named Hero of the Imperium, has a hot mommy inquisitor fall in love with him, and saves hundreds of planets per panic attack he has. His cowardice and impostor syndrome are second only to my own, and that's why he's just like me fr."

Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson series)

"he's got big no thoughts head empty energy! he loves his friends and girlfriends SO much (more most YA characters, i think; he would have no qualms about sacrificing the world to save the people he loves, which goes against the typical hero). he is almost always ready to fight a bitch. he has adhd and accidentally says things he shouldnt all the time (but this has made him good at problem-solving, bc he creates a LOT of problems for himself)"

MK (Lego Monkie Kid)

"Oooooh boy where do I begin. MK the Monkie Kid is the protagonist of the story but he has *so many issues*. He wants to be a good person but has a whole lot of impostor syndrome and is convinced he will only hurt people the more he tries to save them. He is convinced that every major villain in the show is his fault, even as far as misremembering/changing up some events to put blame onto himself He also has an absent mentor figure that was supposed to help him but guess what he had to figure out all his powers on his own so abandonment issues go brrrr. He has so much anger toward his mentor Wukong but he just *bottles it all up* (common theme) Also he is so trans and adhd coded. First, MK is a nickname. We don’t know his real name, but it is v much implied he used to go by something else. He and his friends also puts a lot of emphasis on manly stuff like ‘I’m a big boy!’/‘he’s a Monkie *Man*!!!’/‘im the smartie boy, the plan man!’ He also has trouble focusing and listening to other people, is sometimes blunt and he is VERY interested in Sun Wukong and the journey to the west (Chinese classical novel that the show is based on) and just in general always needs constant reassurance and support from his friends. He is often compartmentalizing his feelings and internalizes a lot of fear and blame is also suppressing a part of himself that scares him. (Which, same) He loves his friends so much and tries so hard to keep them all safe, even hiding his own problems and worries from them as an attempt to protect them. He wants to go back to season 1, back when each episode was a villain-of-the-week kinda story, with no world-destroying threats. But nope, he saw the horrors, and he can never go back to the bubbly Monkie Kid from the beginning. Also he is terrified of spiders :>"

your tags 🥺 ❤️❤️❤️ honestly it's so hard to find someone who has critical thinking in the entire euphoria fandom. like, just last week- well, the last couple of weeks, actually, people have been calling cassie just the vilest thing, and even though she's done some questionable, if not outright bad, stuff, I don't think it's deserved. all in all, she's still a kid, and she was at THE LOWEST of her life when nate jacobs decided to sink his claws into her and infected her with his poison. i just think she deserves a little bit of a break.

and this week is what really got my blood boiling. like, lexi literally said in the episode she was afraid people (cassie, especially) would take her play the wrong way, while she only had good intentions. people be out there praising her for "ruining lives" while that's very much not what she intended. she said it herself, she's an observer, and she's observed all of these things, and now she's only reporting them back. i think she intended it more as a way for people to reflect on their actions and relationship, how they might look through in other people's - namely, lexi's - eyes.

do correct me if im off the mark tho. i would love to hear what you think ❤️

BESTIE!!! sorry i waited a while to respond, i didn't want euphoria tumblr to interact with me again lmao it should be quiet now though 👀

i think people start to fuck up when watching euphoria when they assume anyone is a good person. lexi knew she was being messy but deserved to vent, cassie is extremely unstable and self destructive but also not innocent, and nate is psychologically damaged and emotionally neglected, so i am begging the show to get him help at this point.

every character is abusive, and every character has been abused. cassie has been awful to people but she also had a secret abortion last season that everyone forgets about like ???

maddy apologists are my biggest issue tbh. she is a victim of a toxic relationship but she enabled a lot of anger out of nate such as lying about being sexually assaulted by an adult. she was a selfish terrible friend (especially to kat in season 1) and has been physically/verbally/emotionally abusive to multiple people, even beating up random students at school. after the incident in season 2 which i won't spell out for spoiler reasons, i am sympathetic and hope she gets the support she needs. but since season 1 there has been a LOT of support for her bad behaviour because alexa demie is gorgeous and tumblr loves a "girlboss moment" to the point i've seen takes like "well it was NATE who made her do all that bad stuff, she was just psychologically manipulated to be a mean person" as if nate could just "break up with his father" and was totally 100% responsible for his behaviour because childhood and lifelong inescapable abuse from a family member means he's too far gone to be saved. like, pick a side— are abuse victims conditioned and shouldn't be blamed for any toxic abusive actions they perform, or are they fully responsible and unfixable monsters? the true answer is neither/both but since the internet has 0 critical thinking skills, the fandom answer is to sort all the faves as innocent and the unlikeable characters as permanently damaged abusers.

like, people hate jules and always shove the "she's a slutty male-affirming cheater" identity on her every fucking second because they love zendaya and rue. there are also people who get mad at rue for being mean, self destructive, and for doing drugs, but that's literally the point of her character??? she's an addict and it's an atrocious battle that is going to harm her and result in irrational toxic decisions?

a lot of people are mad about kat this season but have missed the entire point of her segment earlier on in s2: kat still can't love herself and ethan's love feels superficial and sappy in the face of her own self worth issues. she gave ethan a shallow, blatantly false reason for breaking up with him so that he'd hate her and not say something like "i know you have self worth issues but i love you!" or "we can make this work!" because kat sees herself as undeserving of love and made it so ethan wouldn't forgive her, and therefore treat her like the monster she sees herself as. THAT is why she went back to cam work and embraced/validated the dark/taboo side of her identity she keeps tucked away: perverted appreciation is all she is worth because it's all she can process people valuing her with.

TLDR: everyone in euphoria has been hurt and have hurt other people: some more than others. the fan favouritism and cherry picking is the reason "fandom mentalities" don't work for a show like this!!! i enjoy/love every character and that doesn't mean i excuse their behaviour, but in fandom-terms it's assumed that liking someone like nate means i justify all his actions by refusing to wish death upon him and the other male characters like mckay and elliot.

ultimately, i want everyone to get the help they need even though i don't expect it to go over that way, and i will spend every other second i have actively hating the "hot takes" people have online that are just supporting female abusers and ignoring the fact that real people and three-dimensional characters are morally grey so liking a character doesn't mean they're a good person 🥴✌️

Hi Dx, I hope you're well! I would like to ask if you could express your thoughts/opinions on the effect of medical influencers (medical students/doctors who create social media profiles to promote products/services for for-profit companies) on the public perception of medical professionals? I personally can't help feel that there's something unethical about it but I am very keen to heed your opinion because you are one of the most conscientious and introspective professionals I have encountered

I find this tricky, and I've been thinking about this. To be honest, I find having a public persona on social media under your name, tricky full stop. I find medtwitter mildly anxiety inducing, and it feels like it's very easy to reply to something quickly with not the best phrasing and for conversation to miss a lot of nuances. I don't know who decided that a microblogging platform was where everyone is going to discuss deep and in depth issues that you can't bloody summarise in 140 characters, but somehow everyone is rolling with it despite the fact that being forced to sum things up pithily actively contributes to a lot of the confusion and hostility and side-picking that goes on.

Plus it can be hard to mantain a social media presence that others find acceptable, and taking advertising out of the equation, I feel we need to do more to humanise people's online presences. I have friends of friends that I'm not sure whether they are just cautious or possibly the most boring people on the planet because their social media is dry AF. It's worse with non doctors because whilst doctors are dry about medicine, but there are people out there who act like highway maintenance or sewage are the only thing they are even slightly interested in. Now, I'm not sure if they are just very cautious about being professional (or maybe they really are just...boring), but I know that if I was engaging socially under my real name and qualifications I might be very anxious to post anything too personal. But I think we need to normalise professionals revealing a little of themselves and their personality, because that's what makes people human and engaging and likeable. No, I don't' think professionals need to be posting weekly recipes or mommy blogs on their social media, but the odd thing that reminds us they have interests or a life isn't a terrible thing. To me, if our social media could literally be repaced by a bot that churns out bland platitudes, then what's the point in having a public social media presence at all? Now, on to advertising. I've seen plenty of professionals on social media, and it's not uncommon for people to advertise things/be sponsored. If I'm going to say that a lawyer or author or other content creator can have a sponsor, it'd feel unfair for me to say a doctor can't. But I do think there would have to be provisos for me to say it was ethical. I do think that social media still does a rubbish job of people making clear that they are advertising - so often it seems that influencers are covertly being paid a lot of money to speak positively about brands, and this is not always being acknowledged. I find the extent that things are being sponsored now disconcerting, mainly because the extent is often not clear. I find this difficult partly because I'm in the UK. I'm paid by the government (essentially) rather than by patients or my hospital specifically, and having a customer or sponsor relationship with medical companies just isn't how we work - i get paid the same whatever drugs I recommend, and what I recommend will be based on whatever NICE says (usually) and what my local trust has decided. I have a belief that if I professionally endorse something, it should be something I believe in or have used enough to feel it's worth recommending. And I think being doctors, it'd make sense for us to hold our online representatives to this standard. Would I advertise anything? Probably not - I can imagine that I may have occasionally recommended art equipment or tools that I've used, but I can't see myself ever recommending or advertising anything that I wouldn't recommend freely of my own volition. Now, in practice if a doctor advertises a scrubs supplier or something innocuous then I probably won't be too mad, because that is not something that their qualification has any bearing on, and I can buy that they might have a favourite brand of scrubs or pencil or whatever. i.e. I'd be disappointed to find out that they'd never used what they are advertising and are only doing it for the money. But I'd hope that they wouldn't be desperate enough financially to advertise something that they didn't think was good. But personally, if it's something medical, then I feel they'd have to follow what the usual rules are for advertising medical services in their country. I'd expect them not to advertise something unless they make it explicitly clear whether they are receiving funding from the company, and I'd expect them to bring lots of data to back up their assertions - rather like a drug rep brings a power point presentation and takes you over their research when trying to persuade you to prescribe their branded whatever. I also think this is different because drug reps advertise to

scientifically literate people, whereas a doctor on a youtube channel is potentially advertising to anyone, including patients. I think there are also ways you can potentially do this without being unethical. For example, I follow a dermatologist. They do have a social media presence that educates patients on simple conditions. They both discuss products that don't deliver (based on research and experience) and products that make a bigger difference (again according to research, or example like retinols for acne). When asked about specific brands, they might describe some brands that they personally use and they tend to give a range of commonly found examples rather than suggesting that any one brand is the 'right' treatment. They discuss lots of different treatments and AFAIK they aren't sponsored by brands or otherwise receiving freebies from them or making money off them, but if they were I would 100% expect them to make that clear. I don't hate what they do, but I can see ways in which a doctor could go wrong - for example if they didn't declare sponsorships. I also think that over the counter dermatological treatments and cosmetics fall under different licensing than medications, which can blur the lines. In the UK we don't have any advertisement of prescription drugs on TV or in our papers etc. So for me it's wild to imagine that in places like the US people are being bombarded with "ask your doctor if flurgibibbin is right for you!" when most drugs are only useful in relatively specific circumstances - and the right drug for the patient may not be the one that advertises the hardest. To sum up: 1. I'd hope that they don't advertise medical equipment or drugs. 2. If they do, I would want them to make clear the extent of their sponsorship/funding and back it up with data. 3. I'd also want it to follow the laws of that land regarding advertising for those kinds of services. 4. This is in general a bit of a grey area which makes me personally feel uncomfortable and personally I wouldn't accept money from a company to advertise it unless i was 100% going to rave about how great their products were anyway. Even then, I'm not sure I could do it. 5. there are a lot of ways for this to go wrong, and it's a potential ethical minefield.

6. so is social media in general TBH.

7. I believe we need to modernise how we present ourselves on social media because the public need to appreciate that we are people and not bots putting ou the blandest content ever.

Ayakashi: Romance Reborn Part 2 - Koga (Book II Dawn Chapter)

I assume that just like the heroine, Akiyasu probably has around 5 ayakashi contracted with him, and one of them is Kagemaru? Ooh, so not only did Akiyasu steal the Tome of the Forbidden, he also started the Wraiths and is trying to use the heroine as a sacrifice to revive the dead? I honestly appreciate the explanation because I kinda forgot some stuff since the last time I played the story haha. And that's why he kidnapped the heroine's father, because he wants to use him as a bargaining chip with her. In accordance with all this, he wants to summon a great Wraith that is slumbering somewhere in the capital to I guess destroy the soldiers and everyone he hates for killing his father and other Onmyojis? Well, Kyonosuke is very controlling, he has no right to stop the heroine from going after Akiyasu or even interacting with him considering the circumstances with her father. Especially since her father got hexed protecting her and who knows how he is doing now, like sure they'll keep him alive but to what extent? The only reason it is a bad idea now is that they don't know where they are and their forces so they have no choice but to wait anyway though. I'm glad the heroine realised how silly she was to fight alone instead of needing Koga to reprimand her. She was the one that told him it was reckless to fight by himself but here she is doing the exact same thing. It's nice that she was able to realise how irrational she was being because of her father, but I'm glad Koga didn't shout at her and instead was there to listen to her since I guess he knew how wrong it was for her to be here alone. I'm glad Koga reasoned with her that her father is most likely alive because Akiyasu still needs him for leverage, and they wouldn't bother hauling him off with them if he was dead lol. I really liked how kind and attentive he was towards her since her emotions were all over the place, it was really wonderful to see him care for her like that.

Ooh, Koga knew Masanobu's older brother, and that's probably why he cares for him and his family so much. It's sad though, not only did the brother die, the father was possessed by a Wraith and imprisoned/left to die since it's impossible to rid of a Wraith without an Onmyoji... The poor people who couldn't be saved... Well, tbh, although it's terrible that the soldiers kill those possessed because there's no other way they know of to save them, I'm not sure leaving them to die is any better. Like, I know at least they're not killing them in cold blood, but imagining them suffering in agony as their souls are consumed by Wraiths doesn't sound any kinder. So really, I can't blame them for that, but I would blame them for killing all the Onmyoji that could have helped all these people and their whole situation. I didn't think that Akiyasu would give his body to be corrupted by the Masakado Wraith in order to exact his revenge against the capital... Also surprising that Koga allowed himself to go into his carnage form (where he loses control of his mind and relies on instinct; some kinda rare condition that some Oni ogres have) in order to stop Akiyasu. I felt bad that Kuya was burdened with killing him if this ever happened, so I'm glad the heroine remembered about the sachet (through her dream of the past her) to help him seal his strength again. I thought it was really nice that the sachet was just the catalyst in getting Koga to come to his senses, but it was her and his feelings that gave Koga strength to overcome that part of him and regain himself back. It was really cute how shocked he was when she shouted at him for drinking sake instead of resting though haha. No wonder why Koga said he doesn't think that he deserves to be Masanobu's brother... It's because when his parents were killed in a fire (possible murder), his mother wasn't able to make him the medicine to stop his carnage from going out of control, and it was then that he encountered the brother and killed him without even knowing... It's such a terrible story... It's kind of saddening that Koga actually knew about the heroine before they even met because he dreamt a lot about the past her's death and how she would always die in his arms because he couldn't protect her. That's hard. But if he gives up on his life now without even trying his best to find ways to cure his carnage, then she will like him have to carry the guilt of his death forever. He shouldn't lose hope yet! I love her relationship with her father though, he knows something is going on but understands that she can't tell him anything, and just silently believes in her and cares for her, it's really sweet.

Kyonosuke really plays so dirty that I'm honestly finding it hard to like him. He has no respect towards Onmyoji yet expects the heroine and her ayakashi to do the government's bidding because this is the "regulated law" whereas whatever they're doing is like renegade stuff. He even practically decided to kill them because they're not listening to him, like wow, are you sure dude? Even if they're disobeying, you do realise that the reason you reached out to the heroine was because you knew you couldn't handle the Wraiths through normal means? It's just pretty crazy how Kyonosuke thinks he has all the power and authority when the government is more of the one needing help. Honestly, just with Kyonosuke's attitude, I'm more keen on siding with Akiyasu, but only if he weren't so crazy either lol. His methods may be wrong but I do understand Akiyasu's motivations. I'm glad she's listening more to Akiyasu and understanding more about what kind of person Kyonosuke is and how it's people like him who has caused Akiyasu to rise up and fight violence with violence. Listening to Kyonosuke will not bring peace to the capital and I'm happy she's decided that she must go against him, or basically just not align herself with him. Like, he probably has his own issues to deal with inside the government etc, but honestly, he's pretty ruthless towards anyone that doesn't agree with the government and it's hard to empathise with him when the cause of all this trouble is because the government killed all the Onmyoji. Anyway, Koga coming to his senses because of the heroine was cute. I really like how they've basically confirmed their feelings for each other by the heroine asking Koga to never leave her, and him replying that he'll never leave the woman he loves. It took a long time for their sort of reincarnation to reunite, but it was all worth it.

Overall, I knew there wasn’t much romance in these Book II stories from what other people have said, but I still quite enjoyed it. Sure, it’s not very focused on the romance but I’m cool with it because I think Koga’s story was relatively interesting and I think the book helped to develop his character, which I think is much more important before the romance really comes haha, well hopefully there’s a continuation, I mean, there’s gotta be! XD Anyway, I enjoyed how mature and understanding Koga is balanced with how thoughtful the heroine is. They’re not the most interesting couple but I think they work well seeing how considerate they both are towards each other.

A Nail Through a Star is a TEW fic I wrote in 2015/2016, 179,000 words making up 81 scenes.  As research/practice/for fun I decided to put it through Shawn Coyne’s Story Grid editing method to see if it would be illuminating, and worth using for my original works.  The results are actually really interesting!

Last time I talked about breaking the story down into its Three Act Structure and detailing every single scene, which you can see here if you’re interested.

Now let’s talk about the graph.

So based on the lists I put together in steps 1 and 2, I plotted this grid (this is my first time and tbh I didn’t actually read Shawn’s book so could be it’s not terribly accurate, but oh well we’re learning).  The website/videos are a little vague on what your grid is *supposed* to look like (maybe that’s in the book lol) but there’s still a lot to take note of here.

The Red Line represents the global value of the story, and since Nail is a thriller story at its core, that value is Life vs Death.  You can see it’s at its lowest when RuSeb are fighting for their lives, highest when they fuckin’.

The Blue Line represents the internal value of the story, which in this case is Ruvik’s character arc from Selfish to Selfless.  Starts low with him manipulating Seb at every turn, ends high with his sacrifice.

So when looking at the grid, here’s a few things to note:

1. Lines intersect the X axis and each other at crucial plot points (aka the ends of Act 1 and Act 2)

I did pretty good with this one.  The global and internal values are the themes of the story, so shifting from positive to negative and visa versa should mark important events in the story.  At the end of act 1, Seb and Ruvik work together to defeat Lim, which marks the shift not only from them escaping a lethal situation, but its the first time that Ruvik starts to feel empathy for Seb, and even gives him the choice of saving or killing Lim/Kidman, and defers to him.  Meanwhile, at the end of act 2, both of them give up on trying to change/manipulate each other, right before they’re both kidnapped by Mobius.  In both cases there’s a shift in value right at the end of the arc, as there should be.  Point for me ;D

2. The Conditions

One of the main plots of the story is the conditions that RuSeb set out for each other at the start.  Ruvik promises not to control Seb’s body or hurt civilians; Seb promises not to threaten Ruvik anymore and to not leave him alone while he’s unconscious.  Ultimately, Seb breaks both Ruvik’s conditions and one of his own (he exerts his psychic power over Ruvik in the “skinning” scene), while Ruvik only breaks one of Seb’s and both of his own.

I put them on the graph in purple, and you can see where some of them happen at major points: either where the values are intersecting like when Seb soft-threatens to kill Ruvik, or right before major value shifts like when Ruvik threatens Seb and then they immediately go into the fight with Lim.  But you can see there’s a lot more emphasis visually on times where Seb broke the rules, where as Ruvik manipulating Seb’s body (which he does a few times) doesn’t really register.  

This is one area that the grid revealed to me as something that I would go back and edit, if I felt like doing that (spoilers I don’t lol).  Either there needed to be a moment when Ruvik breaks Seb’s second condition by getting a civilian hurt/killed, or there needed to be more importance placed on the conditions he did break.  

3. I don’t know what this means but it’s interesting

My sister pointed out that in the first act, the two lines follow each other, rising and dipping at similar points, as Ruvik reacts to the deadly threat of Lim by indulging in his favorite passtime, even while acting like it’s in both their interests.  In act 2, they’re in conflict, as Ruvik is forced to behave selflessly in defense of Sebastian as they try to escape Mobius - the more dangerous the situation, the more he puts Seb’s needs above his own, which gets him dragged down by Leslie.  Then in act 3, after spending the first half unconscious, once Ruvik is up and kicking, his rise into self-sacrificing leads the rest of the team to survive (excepting that dip toward the end where he goes to harass Tatiana, which wasn’t necessary and could have been cut).

Obviously this isn’t something I consciously planned while writing, but it is really interesting to see that the relationship between the two story values changed between correlation and opposing, and pretty much right at the main act-ending plot points.  

And there you have it!  My final verdict is I found this process really enlightening.  Overall it shows a story that has strong through-lines with a few areas that could have used stronger emphasis.  I’m hopeful that it can help me polish up my current original manuscript, too.  

Thanks to anyone reading this for your support, it’s still really uplifting to know there are so many people who enjoyed and still have good memories with this fic, I had so much fun writing it and it’s still teaching me things :D

DGM225 - Translation Notes

It’s (finally) that time again! After six long months, we have a new chapter to chew on, and it’s more than half a dozen pages long. One could weep. :’P

I’d like to thank the StarBuds team for working so hard and so enthusiastically with me on this. You guys are my heroes. (@krorys​, @shinylyni, @togaochi, and our very welcome new friend @1000glaceons) Read the chapter HERE!

Now: if you’re so inclined, please venture below the cut for some notes on our translation choices and the inevitable untranslatable odds and ends.

☽ ☾

1.) As discussed in the last few chapters, the word I've been translating as "connection" here is 因縁 innen, which has a wide range of potential meanings: fate, destiny, tie, bond, connection, origin, pretext, justification, even the Buddhist concept of "hetu and prataya" (the direct causes and indirect conditions underlying each event). Some of those obviously don't work in context, but the rest were a tossup. I went with what I felt was the safest guess; if that connection turns out to be a destiny, I can clarify that later. :P

2.) I pondered Wisely's "voice" long and hard. He speaks in an old, humble sort of way, like everyone's mild-mannered grandpa. That serves as a reminder that his memories go back a much longer way than his apparent age would suggest. He is old in a way that very few characters in this are. (Road might be the only living match for him, if she is indeed still the first incarnation of the Dream memory, but that’s still no better than a guess.)

3.) So we have a glimpse of Bookman in captivity, presumably shortly before he made his escape, and the reveal that Bookman's escape was due to Wisely's actions in some way. Either Wisely did something that made the risks of an escape attempt worth it for Bookman, or he actually helped Bookman get free. Considering Wisely's nature, I've guessed that previous incarnations might have known the Bookmen, and possibly even this Bookman. If so, did he let a friend go out of sentimentality? Or did he just slip up and create an opportunity? Once again, every answer we get gives rise to five more questions.

4.) Then there's Wisely's annoyingly cryptic comment on Tyki's search for answers:   - ワタシから聞かずとも、ジョイド、おぬしはいずれ思い知るの。。。飲み込まれよう　そして引き摺られ - watashi kara kikazu tomo, Joido, onushi wa izure omoishiru no... nomikomare you, soshite hikizurare

More literally translated: Even if you don’t hear it from me, Joido, you’ll realize on your own... as if engulfed, then forcibly dragged.   So Tyki’s going to find out how he's connected to Nea whether he wants to or not, and knowing that is going to drag him off the course his life has taken so far, but to where? No idea. We only know that it will change things for him, somehow.

5.) The next couple of pages had me clutching my chest and wheezing hoarsely amid a tumult of complicated emotions. Mana's confused, desperate yearning! Nea's seemingly contradictory murderous love! All of... that. THAT. AUGH.

6.) Tyki accepts responsibility in part for the Earl getting away from him and Wisely and then finding his way to Nea. Since what's done is done, though, Tyki thinks maybe he can get some answers directly from the source, rather than from a tight-lipped (and now escaped) Bookman. So he extends the most fraught invitation to tea in the history of the world. I’m going to bet he didn’t ask anyone else’s opinion on that idea first because... uh.

7.) Wisely and the Earl head out, and meanwhile, Link hits Fiidora with half an arsenal of arcane techniques all at once. Fii-tan, understandably, cries uncle. He didn't attack Link out of malice, he just needed to get  the Earl free, and once that was done he had no beef remaining. He's... odd. Almost childlike, in an unsettling way. Very laid back, as Link noted. Naturally I love him.

8.) Speaking of Link, both of those spells were new!

"Needlebeak" is written 嘴針, an invented compound of the kanji for "beak" and "needle(s)", is read shibari, which is homophonous with the word for "binding," 縛り shibari. Good old Hoshino-sensei and her wordplay.

"Hundred-Feather Drill" is written 百羽錬成 (Hyappa Rensei), and is pretty literal. That's drill as in train, practice, rehearse, by the way; almost as if summoning a hundred feathers for a hundred different purposes was a practice technique he managed to weaponize. Wouldn't put it past him.

"The Hundredth: Deny" is a funny one. It's written 百式：禁 (Hyakushiki: Kin) but read Hakushiki: Kinji according to the furigana. The furigana reading is therefore very likely to be another play on words, but this one’s a bit beyond me, possibly.

 The kanji on their own mean "hundred," "formula/style/ceremony," and "ban/prohibition." I went with "Hundreth" instead of "Hundred Styles" because it's almost certainly part of the Hundred-Feather Drill, and shiki is an older adjective suffix. So, this is the hundredth feather of the drill, and its purpose is prohibition/rejection/denial. “Deny” sounded cooler than “prohibition” and was less easy to mistake for Japanese than “ban,” so.

As for the furigana reading of that final kanji (kinji rather than the correct kin): there are a number of possible meanings for kinji, including "approximation" (aka. "-ish"), "recent events" and "attendance (upon someone)."

With that in mind, it occurred to me that hakushiki, if heard aloud, would normally be assumed to mean "extensive/profound knowledge." Following that, the only meaning for kinji that makes sense is "recent events." Which leaves us with Extensive Knowledge: Recent Events no Jutsu. I can't guarantee this is definitely the joke she was making, but I chewed on it for easily two hours and this was the best I came up with. If any of you happen to know what reference she was making here, by all means let me know, haha.

9.) Aaaaaand there goes Nea, doing the most idiotically reckless thing he possibly could... unless he knows something about how Innocence works that the others don't. He doesn't seem all that worried that it's going to devour him and self-destruct by way of the Fall — I doubt he'd do this just because he's mildly annoyed about a nickname if he thought that was a likely consequence at all — but why not?

(Translating his lines in this scene were the most fun I've had in forever, incidentally, and I hope it shows. He’s like an apoplectic kitty, hissing and scratching without actually doing any damage whatsoever thus far. I love him.)

10.) Teeechnically Nea just says "eat food with you?" but Fiidora mentioned teatime earlier so I took a little creative liberty in order to get Nea's withering tone across properly. FUCK YO CRUMPETS

11.) "Back-from-the-dead guise" is awkward as fuck, I know, but bear with me. What he said in the raws was 天性したおまえのその姿, tenseishita omae no sono sugata. Tensei is straight-up reincarnation; the transmigration of souls, the cycle of rebirth, all that. The rest says "that form of yours." We don't really say "form" in English that way, and Nea's very glib, so I went with "back-from-the-dead guise" because Nea's implying that Tyki is wearing his own God-given face like it’s a costume of someone dead and gone. Which it is. Nea’s not too chuffed about seeing his old face prancing around on some oblivious baby Noah, clearly.

12.) Re: the next panel: holy cake-baking christ 

(@Noah: consider calming ur tit perhaps)

13.) Our very own Inspector Obvious, Howard Link, explains to Nea what a terrible goddamn idea this is, and Nea thanks him with -- wait for it -- MORE SARCASM. Link then announces that he will exhaust his strength attempting to stop Nea from doing this STUPID, STUPID thing. (The raws say 力尽く, which means "with all one's might" in the dictionary but the kanji literally say "strength + entirely exhaust," so. He intends a no-holds-barred takedown here. If there were any folding metal chairs around he’d be going for them.)

14.) haha oh god here we go, where's the kleenex, fuck

15.) So now we know what the time difference was like for Allen: he took Johnny's hand back there in the inn, but has only just now actually managed to emerge, and as far as he knows it's been no time at all. Wonder how long he'll manage to stay on the horse this time? (Hopefully, at least long enough to get to the Campbell mansion and find Katerina, as per Cross' suggestion.)

16.) I don't really have a lot to say about the next few pages except that I sobbed my way through translating what few lines there were. THEY HAVE SUCH A LOVE. Also Johnny is a reckless idiot, what was he planning to do?? Cushion Allen's landing with his own body?? Actually now that I think about it that's probably exactly what he intended. Fuck that, no, bye.

17.) That one page with the huge untranslated sound effect is noted in our translation gdoc as [Johnny screaming across entire page] and that was a general #mood for the whole job tbh.

18.) MORE EMOTIONS, SOBBING, WEEPING, ETC.

19.) Tiny note: the MS scanlation has Allen's little comment in response to Johnny's head-hug as "heavy" and I chose "can't breathe," but they both suit the purpose well enough. The raw just said くるしい kurushii, an expression of pain/discomfort which could have been due to either the weight or the smothering or both. :P

20.) Speaking of pain: ow @ Link’s face in that last panel. He got one thing he wanted (Allen's victory, snatched even from the teeth of defeat, a ray of hope for him re: his own probable future as Nea's next vessel) but lost something else he needed (Nea in control, so that Link might conspire with him and carry out Lvellie's commands). He's still torn, and not getting mended any. Wonder how long he'll manage to keep balancing on that knife's edge.

That's about it, I think! If anyone wants more kanji/kana transcriptions from the raws so they can double-check things for themselves, I'll be happy to provide them! I may also be open to answering meta questions here, though I'm currently on hiatus on my main. :)

Hope you've all enjoyed our release of this long-awaited and suitably glorious chapter! Please stick with us as we work to get the Re:Gray project (full rescanlation from the beginning, with the benefit of all we've learned so far!) off the ground. It's going to be fun, I promise. ♥

♦ panthaleia

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, and the first 2 were the absolute best of my life. We met in college and had our own schedules and lives, but we spent every extra second together and that time was magical. He's handsome and funny and a total fucking goofball and I absolutely adore him.After college, we moved to another state for his work and we moved in together. Then things started to go downhill. I didn't know anyone where we moved and it took a long time for me to get a job. When I finally did get work, it was really stressful and I took it home with me every night. We started to argue more and sex dwindled. We got along most of the time, but that love connection we had in college seemed to disappear, and I didn't know why. I often cried about missing that connection and wondering what happened to us.After a year, we decided that where we were living was not working for either of us. The local culture wasn't a good fit and we were both feeling depressed. We thought our relationship was taking a hit because we weren't happy with our location. We decided to take a leap and move to our dream state, thinking that would improve our moods and in turn, our relationship. So we quit our jobs, packed up, and headed for paradise.The first 2 months in the new state weren't any better between us. We fought a lot and I started to think that it was over between us. One night we went out with some friends and got hammered, and we had a huge fight, one that had me asking him to move out of my room into a spare room while I looked for a new place to live. That's it, I thought. We tried. I love him to pieces despite the quarrels, so naturally I was devastated that things just weren't working. I took an impromptu vacation to see a friend to process the split.While I was gone, I had a lot of time to think about our relationship. For the longest time, I thought our problems stemmed from him. He wasn't this or that, he wasn't treating me right, he didn't listen to me, he didn't understand me. He never told me that he thought I was the problem, so it never crossed my mind. My friend said something that made me think - she said "last time I saw you guys, you talked to him in a really condescending way. Like you looked down on him." I never even realized that I was mistreating him, and because I kept telling him that he was the problem, he believed me and was trying harder after every fight. Eventually, he just gave up because no matter how hard he tried, I wasn't ever happy. I realized that I was assuming I knew how he felt, and when he told me he loved me and that he respected me and valued me, I didn't believe him. He did plenty to show me those things, but I was suspicious of it, thinking he was just doing it to get laid after. I created this wholly toxic persona of him because I lost my support system when we moved and suddenly all I had was my own thoughts, and I came completely ungrounded. I started to treat him poorly and was sarcastic and rude at every chance I got. I didn't even realize I was doing it because I felt like my behavior was a response to his behavior. In reality, he wasn't perfect, but he certainly wasn't this uncaring, only caring about sex, liar that I was making him out to be in my head.It just clicked. I went from the victim to the perpetrator in 3 seconds flat. I couldn't believe I had been so blind to my part in our relationship's downfall. Before I left, he was devastated and asking me if there was anything he could do to make me change my mind about the breakup. After talking with my friend, I immediately called him and asked him if he still wanted to work on things. He was so eager in saying yes, like even though I hurt him so badly over these past 2 years, he was just as crazy about me and I was about him. How could I not have seen that?I told him what he could do is listen to me. I poured my heart out about everything I had realized, I apologized profusely for being so self-unaware, I told him my plan to work on treating him right and asked him to forgive me. This was completely unexpected for him and he said that suddenly he felt like we had a really good chance at fixing our relationship. He accepted my apology and told me he couldn't wait for me to come home.When I first came back, things were weird. I didn't know how to act around him, especially because I was so sure we were splitting up. I got some good news while I was away and he asked if he could take me out to celebrate. We went on a lunch date for the first time in probably over a year, and we chatted like we were on a first date again. I got to see all of the things I found charming about him when we met, and I spent the whole date with a huge smile. After lunch, we went for a drive and just talked and listened to music. We pulled off at an overlook and fooled around in the car. This was HUGE for me because my sex drive has been literally nonexistent for almost 2 years. I wanted to fool around, I wanted to be intimate, and tbh it was amazing.Now things feel like they did in college again. I'm watching my tone and being sure to go out of my way to speak his love language, and he is doing the same. That love connection that's been gone for so long is finally back. I look at him and get those waves of joy and love like I did in college, and he feels the same. My friend giving me a reality check which caused me to take a hard look in the mirror saved my relationship.I just wanted to put this out there for anyone who may be in a similar situation. Sometimes it's hard to assume responsibility for your role in hurting your relationship. So much so that you may not even see that you're the problem. But doing so can be so worth it.EDIT (long, sorry): This got WAY more attention than I could have ever anticipated, and I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your comments, supportive or not.To those calling me toxic and an abuser, it hurts but you're right. I came from a terribly abusive household and have a couple diagnosed mental conditions that my partner has known about since day one. I've been in therapy for years to end the cycle of abuse, and I honestly thought I was doing a good job, but obviously I wasn't. You'd think you'd know when you're being abusive, but I honest to god felt like I was the one being hurt, not the one doing the hurting. I am so grateful that I was finally able to step out of that delusion and own up to my shitty behavior. I know what emotional abuse feels like and I can't believe I was blind to my own abuse of the person I love most. Coming from that background doesn't give you an excuse to fuck others up the way you were fucked up.That's what I wanted to get across with this post - that you can be the problem and not even realize it. You can feel like your world is falling apart and there's nothing you can do when you're the one controlling the wrecking ball. I read a quote somewhere that really resonated with me: "When everyone else is the problem, you're probably the problem." Once I started feeling like my family, friends, partner, and even my partner's family were all the problem, I thought of that quote and had an "oh shit," moment. This realization of my pattern of self- victimization has extended to every relationship in my life, not just my romantic relationship. When you constantly feel like the victim it's really hard to determine when your hurt is justified or if you're making things up. Sometimes people do hurt you, and there were certainly times that my partner was hurtful and I was right to feel hurt. The trick is distinguishing between when that hurt is real and justified vs the hurt that you're subconsciously making up for one reason or another.To those calling my boyfriend whipped or stuck, you're wrong. He's said that he stuck it out through the rough patches because he knew what it was like when things were good (we used to talk about how it was insane how happy we were together), and he always believed that it was possible to get back there again. I've caught myself being an asshole in the past and apologized for it, which helped him know I wasn't completely detached. I just didn't realize the extent of how shitty I was being. Things weren't consistently bad for 2 straight years, they've been slowly declining for that time, leading up to the final fight and break. He said that yes, he very seriously considered leaving me a couple of times, but he stayed not because he felt like he had to, but because he loved me and wanted to see me return to the happy and caring person I was before, and he always believed it was possible. Yes, he's a saint for that and as many people have pointed out, I didn't deserve all his patience and the chances he gave me. But I'm so glad he did. And you bet your ass I'm going to do everything in my power to undo the damage I've done and love and support and value and spoil this handsome motherfucker til we're too old to bang. He used to joke that guys are a dime a dozen and I could find another him no problem, and I've always told him there's no one like him out there, that he's one of a kind and a gem. I'm incredibly lucky I didn't lose him.I'm glad that this post has given some people hope and helped others see that they are doing the same thing I did so they can fix it. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. I can't respond to everyone who has commented and messaged me, but thank you all for reaching out. via /r/TwoXChromosomes

Ep. 9 - “gosh this sucks moose” - Jake D.

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169132233901/individual-immunity-4-who-said-that

So all went according to plan. JG went home and everyone we tried to get to vote with us did. However this tribal did show that if someone wanted an easy vote to betray people I’ll be it. This tribal also probably marks the end of my fake idol play, no one would believe my now.

I’m happy jg’s gone but feel really sad that Heather feels completely alone in this game i knew I couldn’t let her know about the vote for my own good but she’s really taking it hard and it really sucks hopefully she can continue to trust me and we can make it far in the game together but idk how things will go from here on out

But on a different note can I just say iolaire had some of the strongest player of this season and I’m so happy to have been one of them it’s trully been a struggle and I would have never imagined making it this far when I first started

Ok so I was so worried that either me or Tara were going to get voted out. I was extra messy and befriended heather to find out what the other side's plans would be. Then, I got them to switch the votes to Stephen because if it was Tara they might have had the numbers. I also talked to Aundra and even though he really wants Stephen gone he still voted with us. At this point I need to lay low because I've been in the spotlight too much. Luckily JG is gone because he would have went hard against me! If I'm really getting voted out next I would want Tara to have my idol. She's a really good player I trust her so much she's my BFF!!!! I hope she backstabs me when the time is right.

Ik this is confession overload but IM SO EXCITED TO DO THIS CHALLENGE. I remember my first game seeing this get played and I was so jealous and now I’m here playing it! This experience has littered been a dream come true I’ve met awesome people and played a very good game in my opinion an this has just been really fun I’m really enjoying myself. And what’s made my experience more worth it is being hosted by Jay and Ali they finally get to see what they possibly saw in me the first time they asked me to play and I let them down I’ve redeemed myself largely and happy they’ve got to see it happen and I hope that they’re proud. 

Host Note: We are.

very tired of voting in the minority gosh this sucks moose, im gonna hafta tryhard on this immunity, however its not easy to determine some of these quotes because i dont socialize with all of them reguarly so its gonna take educated guesses, if i dont win i could leave

https://youtu.be/rM29GgGKMHI

Wow. Didn't know I was going to be a villian in this season, but I'm honestly perfectly fine with that.

I was playing a mini survivor org with tara and becka and I kinda overreacted and got pissed at tara when she was just kidding around and I hope I didn't damage our friendship over this. Sometimes I don't trust her because she's such a troll and I question her loyalty in the games we play. It is so confusing because I want to support her in whatever she wants to do but I also really enjoy playing the game with her as an ally. I dont want it to end! So if she wants to blindside me I'd be happy for her but I'd also be CRUSHED. And the thought of blindsiding her before she blindsides me is tempting me way too much!!! Why does she have to be such a troll sometimes ajdshfkjashdf. LET ME LIVE TARA!!!

Welp, my answers are terrible for the challenge. I might have been better if people would actually talk to me first instead of me scouting to save my ass. See ya at Ponderosa. Or not.... hopefully not

I just wanted to say Incase it wasn’t obvious in any way Tara and I are like the bestest friends and have been a tight union this entire game even though she tried to vote me out and flipped on me at the beginning she and I are close and have planned on going to final 2 since day one and we seem to be on path to furfill that goal if we do I would say we are one of the strongest she’s to play this game simply because it was pulled off

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169164002976/immunity-results-with-a-score-of-920

My my, Tara won immunity. I've been warn she might turn but that's okay. Ain is keeping me updated on the other side and apparently they think Stephen and I are tight?!? Like uh excuse me. We're only working bc our goals are alike. O well, we shall see

So I would have preferred if I had won immunity because the further into the game we get, the more likely it is I will he blindsided. And from what I can tell I don’t think theres a possibility for me to blindside my alliance because Jake and Heather and even Aundra would much rather blindside me than work with me. But at least Heather didn’t win, because shes an easy vote for my alliance and a huge pain in the backside, ruining my reputation.

Can I not be a comp flop for once and actually win something I even used a 20% advantage I HATE! anyway I’m glad Tara won she’s cute but I NEEDED IMMUNITY SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!! Heather bb why do you think I’m not likely to win if I get to the end? It’s true but I’m mad you think that??? I HAVE PLAYED SUCH A GOOD GAME!!! IT ONLY GOT MESSY WHEN SAORSA JOINED US!! I deserve some RECOGNITION! I LITERALLY TRICKED ALL OF YOU GUYS INTO VOTING STEPHEN AND GOT JG OUT!!!! AND NOW YOU STILL WANT TO WORK WITH ME BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO CHOICE! Do you think it’s easy flipping Aundra? HMM? Do you think it’s easy trying to figure out if rebecka is a threat or not or if she’s telling the truth?? Do you think it was easy talking to JG when he only developed a personality at the Olivia vote???? And do you think it’s easy working with Stephen?? Vi??? Stephen doesn’t talk much and idek what vi is doing in the game?? Why is she so nice to us? Why won’t she play the game? I DONT KNOW BUT IM SO HAPPY TO HAVE HER ON MY SIDE. Also I even got Olivia to trust me and spill all her plans which I used to turn people against her!!!! THIS WAS WHEN YOU GUYS WERE IN THE MAJORITY. I would understand if you were deciding between Tara and i that you’d go for Tara because she’s literally amazing BUT we have been playing similar games!!!!! We found idols together!!! We flip people together!! And we get into fake alliances together!!! I SHOULD AT LEAST MAKE IT A LITTLE HARD FOR YOU TO DECIDE BETWEEN US!! I hope I get to f2 just so I can prove you wrong !! That is if I don’t leave next asdgjklljhgfss

Welp I guess my only choice rn is to trust Aundra Ain Tara and Jake. Whoopdie fucking do

Tara is a QUEEN!!!!!! I? am going to bring her to f2 and then SELF EVICT !!!! Its iconic I know. Jay dont kick me out im just kidding tara whomst?

So I’ve figured out my game plan from here till the end, and the next two votes i think might be the most dangerous ones. But even if I don’t get voted out I might not be able to bring the goats i want to the end because Jake refuses to talk to me. At all. He does know its a social game yes?

Looks like my optimistic fairy dust from the moors has already worn off, because I am scared for this week. I don't trust anyone in my new "final five" alliance and no one has really said anything to me, it makes me think I am the one going home. I went to the moors seeing as it is possibly my only chance at survival and I got nothing. I can definitely see myself going tonight, but I am not going to stop trying to stay. I want to stay here and if that means doing anything it takes I am willing. There is no plan on who to get out as of now, so I am completely lost at the moment.

Happy New Years everyone!! Im still drunk from last night. I think I might go home tonight but it's ok Bc it's just a game!! Love u all I am gonna take a nap now ❤️

Meant to post this a while ago https://drive.google.com/open?id=1xaPbW7F1trOxb-YUptDItsUe3d5Wz1qr

Tara is really annoying me right now. She really wants rebecka gone and I don't even know why. Getting Heather out now seems like the safest option to me! We don't make anyone suspicious of us. Aundra/Jake already know by now we're the majority so I don't think they would be too surprised. Then we can go on ahead at final 7 to blindside rebecka and stephen. We gain back the trust of Aundra and then vote stephen out next. It'll be PERFECT. BUT SHE DOESNT GET IT. She wants to do rebecka first and then stephen will be pissed??? He's gonna want to flip the vote on us and it's gonna be JG level chaos! I'm TIRED and I don't want to stress out at f7 when it could have been an easy blindside with least worrying and campaigning. Everyone would be ready to vote rebecka out with us then. Idgi. I also do not want Heather in the game she keeps me on edge! I'm sure she'll be going hard every time to win immunity and advantages. This is the best time to get her out. I wish Tara would listen to me for ONCE and let me have my way instead of being so STUBBORN!!! Like I love and support her but I need to get my way sometimes too!!!!! This has been a rant.

ya known getting this far in an org reminded me of how mentally wearing it can be, i can't imagine how drained the actual players feel having little food and being in the changing weather conditions, i suppose im just venting because im sad it could be a potential loss, but im not giving up!

ain always bitches about me and its kinda rude! like i get u don't want us to seem close btu um telling ppl i'm gonna win in ftc no thanks xoxo

I’ve openly campaigned ALL DAY to save Heather simply because she doesn’t deserve to be going home I really feel like she is getting robbed and it’s so annoying that I can’t control a vote for once and now heather is going home because of it another annoying thing is that these people don’t want to get Stephen out all they have to do is vote him out yet they’ve decided against it tbh I should’ve just let him get voted out when it wa going to happen it was somewhat nice to get to know him but i still strongly want to get him out

It has been brought to my attention that I am a "threat" who has a lot of "advantages" because people told me where some used to be. I have one advantage, but I am not going to say that. I sent Rebecka some quoted things that people have said about her being a threat. She said she will vote Ain with me but I don't know for sure if she will vote with me. This is my last effort to stay in this game, and it could screw me over, but it is a risk I am willing to take. Ain will not get any votes in jury and I will make sure of it when I get to ponderosa, her game has been messy at best. Yes I may be saying this out of anger, but it is called jury management and so far she has turned her back on every person in the jury minus maybe Tim. Aundra told me he loved bitter juries, well I may be that bitter jury member to Ain. Love you girlie but also, buh bye.

Praying to the survivor gods JGs dead vote goes to Ain for SOME REASON

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169206013441/merge-tribal-4

Heather voted out 5-2-1-1