working with Leviathan when he wants to tell you something be like

channels "Do you know why we're associated with the directions so much, Little Bird?" from him

wonders what 'Little Bird' has to do with anything when he rarely uses names like that

Tries to check if the word for Tengrists is Tengrist because he's referencing the bird shape on the symbol used by them when he talks about directions

weirdly gets recommended by google straight up shit about Tengri and Shiva being the same person - for very questionable reasons but there was barely any results for the search so ive "no idea" why google suddenly made me search it as if it was popular af

Avoids it because although I know the name Tengri is extremely important to him I get uncomfortable using it, because though I've always known Leviathan as the Day Sky and as The Big Sky Bird Made Of Small Birds to my Small Sky Bird since before I even knew his name(s), I don't know enough about Mongolia to feel comfortable using that name

Get told by him the next day we need to go back to organising this blog. grand. lets do it

Accidentally opens an old tab thats so old i dont even recognise it, except its a wall of text on Shiva

ignores it.

Today's work in organising starts with reading through a unique astral projection journey in the heights of space amongst stars with Ahi/Leviathan that is about love and unity and healing and surrendering, and seeing that part of space and connection to reality clearly

Gets drawn to only one single part of the tab on Shiva I opened blanking the rest and its "Easwara has yet another name: Yogasikha. The sky is His blue form. The directions (Dik) are His garment."

Look above this passage and sees that the lead up to it, relevant to the meditation with Ahi and the fact that yesterday Leviathan was like "yeah just start recognising us as the same entity", is "The Lord has another name. It is only when the love principle underlying this name is rightly understood, the real form of the Cosmos can be recognized. That name is Saambasiva. Saa means divinity. Amba refers to the cosmos. Siva means the Supreme person (Purusha)."

hmm

hi! i sent in an ask awhile ago about lgbtq struggles and im just now getting around to asking about it i hope thats ok! no tws

so my issue is that i think i might be genderfluid because i keep having phases where i feel masc and then i feel fem and each time i just. hadnt thought "oh i might actually be genderfluid" and i just thought my gender like, changed? for good? like i thought i realised i was trans when i was masc for about a year or longer. so i came out n told people to use he him pronouns for me but just recently ive felt like a girl and at first it was really hard to accept because i didnt want to let go of my transness because i had identified with it for so long. but i guess i sorta dont even have to let it go all the way? because i dont feel female or like strictly a girl, id label myself genderfae right now. but anyways, my problem is that everytime i have a phase of feeling like a different gender it feels so permanent. and right now, i just feel so comfortable in my sapphic genderfae identity and i really dont want it to change again. do you know if this is actually a genderfluid experience or if i was just figuring myself out until now? or do you have any advice or tips? anything would be appreciated.

im so sorry, this is the maybe-genderfluid anon again, i forgot to add something to my ask! yk how i said that i felt sapphic and genderfae currently? what i really mean by that is that i feel like a lesbian. i cant see myself being with a man or being a man too, for that matter. but im scared that that's gonna change sometime. i dont know if it would be right for me to identify as a lesbian given my history of genderfluidity and the fact that it feels permanent each time it happens - like now, sure it FEELS permanent but i dont actually know that it is. i want it to be, but i dont know. im very confused. sorry for the second ask but thats probably the main problem. thank u in advance!

Hi anon,

Like I said in this ask, I think it's important to consider that on some level, identity always changes over time, even for people who identify as cis their entire life. There is no pressure to label yourself and your gender, as it can often be a very complex and fluid concept that may be hard to put any one label on, and that's okay. It's also important to consider that identity, including gender, can change over time, and that's okay too. Just because you no longer resonate with being trans or masc doesn't necessarily mean you were never either of these things. Discovering ourselves is an ongoing process. However, it's also perfectly valid to find comfort in labeling or naming your own experiences.

Part of discovering and finding ways to describe yourself sometimes involves experimenting with labels. I think of it as going to a clothing store and trying on different clothes. Some might be too bright, dark, big, small, and some might be passable for a little while until it just doesn't look right and you go shopping for more clothes, and all of that is okay. I think there's a lot of stigma that comes with trying to experiment with labels and find one that describes you accurately, because society tends to have a hard time respecting a change in identity. Sometimes this can influence the struggle to make these changes publicly.

While in the grand scheme of things your identity may shift various times, I think it's very natural and common to resonate with the gender you currently identify with so strongly that it feels permanent. I can understand how frustrating or confusing it might be to feel so sure that this is a permanent identity, only for it to shift over time. But I think it's worth considering that no identity has to be permanent, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a loss or disappointment if or when it eventually changes.

The way I see it is, if you identify as a lesbian now and in the future you find that you're attracted to men, that's okay. I think it's still fair to say that at one point you were a lesbian, etc. Like I said, discovering yourself is an ongoing process. However you want to identify, as long as it is in good faith (doesn't do harm), is valid. It's ultimately up to you to describe yourself and your identity, as you know yourself best.

I hope I could help, and know that we're here if you need anything.

-Bun

"You're not perfect either."

This is what youd always try and point out to me almost every argument. This is what you tried to point out to me post breakup when I tried to get you to once see you were wrong. The thing is, everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. The thing is, is theres a difference between what I “Did” to you and you to me. Yes. I was messy. Yes, I could have cooked more often. And then there’s the “controling” card you try and throw out as well. Controlling even though I endlessly gave you what you wanted or id never hear the end of it. And even if it bothered me inside-such as having sleepovers with girls youve slept with, or whatever it was that was “controlling”- I gave you what it was that you wanted cause my feelings were always underneath yours. The thing is, is i didnt pinch or squeeze you as hard as I could if I heard something or you said something I didnt like in front of friends and even family. I didnt get drunk and when wed get home id be throwing up or lose the soul in my eyes black out and choke you- (More then one occasion.) I didnt complain about everything you do for me. Wether it was the clothes i bought you, the phone my grandmother bought you, trips Id planned, dinners I bought, where we lived (especially with my family, even though we were homeless), trying to cheer you up constantly cause you were always mad or bothered by something… you were never grateful, always had a negative comment, always a flaw with what was being done for you. Nothing was good enough. I didnt take my anger out on you day in and day out. If you were grumpy you made sure I was grumpy too. And I’d try and reverse the anger by making you smile over and over. But youd get meaner and meaner hurting me and my feelings. I didnt hurt your feelings constantly or shun you away from kisses and hugs. And when my feelings were hurt and you were clearly in the wrong itd take me a good 3 hours to go through why you owe me and apology and what you did wrong. And even still most times you saw nothing wrong with your behavior in which id finally break down with panic attack telling you that you continuously hurt me and that you needed to change only for you to finally say sorry after crushing me down to the point where sorry should have been said so long ago it didnt mean anything. You said sorry too late too many times. Sometimes if I were lucky you’d acknowledge you knew you had a problem and that you couldn’t help it but that you loved me and if I loved you id put up with it. Making me believe it was okay for someone who says they love someone to treat them like that and that i had to basically be okay with how i was treated. Remember I was told by you I couldn’t drive the car for two years. Yet bitched cause you had to drive me everywhere. Remember how we always listened to your music? And not mine? Cause if it were something I wanted to listen to, or watch on tv you acted rude and huffed and puffed because you wanted to listen to your music. I never was continuously late to pick you up from work. Or forgot you cause I was too drunk at the bar. (Happened one time, regardless, you were 2 and half hours late and drunk at the bar before you even realized I was done with work). You were a nice drunk. Except for when you were alone with me. I never said things to embarrass you or upset you in front of family and friends on purpose if i were mad. I never left you during our relationship and fucked an ex and you at the same time telling both i loved them. I never kissed your mom drunk, or made out with people at the bar drunk then make an excuse for it. I never blatantly hit on your mom in front of you. I never pushed you in front of your mother either. I never stopped giving you attention, or stopped wanting to play. I NEVER. It goes on and on. There’s a difference between things people should work on to improve their relationship and straight up mental and physical abuse. “You act like I beat you.”-your words. Okay so because you didnt kick the shit out of me its not abuse? Pinching? Slapping? Choking? Squeezing? “You act like I did it all the time”- your words. Okay so because it didnt happen everyday the damage it caused my heart and mind is irrelevant? And then there’s the emotional abuse. Putting me down about being bisexual. Questioning me to the point no matter what answer i gave it upset you even if it were the truth. Calling me a whore. (Even though you slept with more people) ….**makes alot of sense*** telling me im disgusting over my past or shame me. Telling me i need to stop eating cause I was getting “big”. Justifying hurting my feelings in any shape or form making me believe i was worthless. In what right mind does someone get to hurt someone’s feelings and then get mad at them for getting upset about it. Oh dear my love I could go on and on. Mentally id rather take 12 punches to the face than deal with the mental side of abuse. So, finally one day I gained courage to leave the woman im in love with. I told you itd happen eventually over and over. That id take everything and end it. And that would make you mad. Shame on me for giving countless opportunities to turn everything around grow old with me. Shame on me for trying and fighting for as long as I could and finally breaking from the pain. So I left. And instead of saying to yourself I could have my home and family back if I changed my behavior towards my fiance, you were mad cause I took it away. And even still, I offered to help you out. I said all we needed was some space and for you to get back on track and wed be fine. But no. I was still the monster. I was a “whore” for sleeping with people who at the time hadnt even been slept with. I hadnt even slept with anyone and you were sending nudes and sexting on day three or four. I was a bitch and a cunt for leaving you with “nothing.” Instead of fixing the problem, you pushed me farther away. You were drinking every night. Threatening your life and threatening to crash my car. Name calling. Doing everything opposite of what a person would do if they were to actually fix things. So I started taking away my help. Stopped talking to you as often cause I didn’t want to be put down any longer. Everytime I tried after breaking up youd lash out and be mean and then clam down and tell me youd fix it. Except I had heard it a million times over. Heaven forbid i wanted you to prove for once you meant it. Once I became silent waiting for you, you started the statuses. Degrading me. Making me seem crazy. Making it look like it was me all along. And i wanted to kill myself. How could one person put me through so much and then make the public believe I was the one in the wrong. Then I got the apologies after you knew deep down you were gonna kill me. Then I got the kisses when i saw you again. Then I got the care and love i wanted when i saw you. But it seemed fake. I was so used to you hurting me i didnt believe you when you briefly gave me love those couple of times. After I wanted to die i was so numb and stripped of myself i slept with others. I started to lose hope in us. I wanted attention. And love. I wanted to feel anything other than what I was. And i closed you out still hoping youd eventually come knocking on my door to lift me up and kiss me telling me it was all gonna be okay now. Hoping you would have fought for us. Fixed your mistakes. Hoping id be able to have my family back together and that you truly loved me. After sleeping with them you sort of tried still. New girl was already relevant in your life at this point too. I wasn’t concerned though. You were giving me somewhat of what i wanted with her there. Kisses. Misses. Got a job. I thought you were finally getting it. I was ready for you to come home. And then you cut me cold. Told me I could have had you. Told me it was because I slept with others even though you were loving on me after that. Even though you were sleeping around too. Told me I couldn’t have you and it was my fault. Told me you were moving on with her. Little did i know you were with her long before my knowledge and still giving me false hope. According to facts she was your girlfriend may 11th just wasnt publicly announced. It took you only from the last week of march to the second week of may to forget all about 2 years of family and someone who really loved you. 7 weeks to move on. Meanst the whole time bitched at me for “moving on and seeing others” when im the one who stayed single and faithful to our family and youre the one who moved on. The one who moved on when they were the one who caused the problem. How humiliating for me. How unloved and forgotten and betrayed I felt. I had faith in you and us even after all the pain i was caused and I got shit on. How disappointing, I thought our love was real. I thought instead of finding a new girl to love youd wipe the tears from the one whos done everything for you, your family, and fix the broken. How unimportant and small i felt. How worthless and not speacial you showed me I was. And then I wanted to die all over again. My whole belief in anything and everything was crumbled. I spent two years trying to make it work for us. Gave everything I had in me to fight for us. Meanst while getting fucked in the head and hurt repeatedly. And i wasn’t even worth one attempt. I begged for you to realize. Begged for us. Begged for you to realize I was suffocating and the pain was all so much dying would have been easier. Mentally after everything i was fucked up in the head. Who wouldn’t Be? That’s when you told me “I need professional help and that I was sick.” Dear God, but boy oh boy you never saw you were the one who caused it. You never saw you should have fixed it. All you saw was me breaking down and that it was “my fault” cause I could have had you. I was nothing to you anymore. My screams for you to come home were just annoying noise and I “wasn’t” your baby anymore so you let me burn. And you watched. “You weren’t there for me when i wanted to die”-your words. Heaven forbid i told you i want a break and for once let you live with what you did. Thinking youd take me seriously about our relationship. You never did. You let it slip away. “Why would you wanna be with me if it was that bad and we always fought.”-your words. The answer is simple. I love you. I love all the good and the bad. I love the way you were when you weren’t treating me horribly. I even love your mental illness. However, I don’t love abuse. Mental or physical. I always told you I don’t want to change who you are, I want you to change how you treat me. And that was too hard for you. You didnt want to. And then I realized after all this you hadn’t fixed anything. You quit your job. You blamed me for us not being together. You got a new girl. And you ran away from your problems. All along the only reason I wanted you back was for the sake of I was seeing some improvements. And boy was I wrong after being shit on. Now i don’t know if you ever truly loved me or are capable of love. If you can do it to me- someone who loved you truly so much and did everything for you who you say you love- then youll do it to anybody, anyone. You see, I know you so well, I was the one person who saw your flaws knew to put you in your place, continued to try for us regardless, and at the end of the day still loved you and knew deep down you were better than it, and had faith in you even still. How sad to have let me get to this point. To push me aside. To disregard everything ive done, and spend the rest of life without me. And yet id still let you come back and always will. BECAUSE I DON’T GIVE UP ON PEOPLE OR LOVE JUST BECAUSE IT’S TOUGH. And maybe youll never realize, and maybe you will. And if you do, youll know what you have to do to truly make it right. And if you dont, that is a damn shame for you. And for myself.

Tonight I put these words visibly and clearly for my love. For myself. For us. For family.

I love you more than you will ever be able to comprehend. I miss you with every cell in my body. I see you in everything and everywhere I go.

However, I am strong. Please know its okay to be wrong

Navigating Body Image While Genderqueer / Genderfluid / Non-Binary - WisCon 41 panel write-up

These get long to click the clicky to read.

Disclaimers:

I hand write these notes and am prone to missing things, skipping things, writing things down wrong, misreading my own handwriting, and making other mistakes. So this is by no means a full transcript.

Corrections, additions, and clarifications are most welcome. I’ve done my best to get people’s pronouns and other identifiers correct, but please do let me know if I’ve messed any up. Corrections and such can be made publicly or privately on any of the sites I’m sharing these write-ups on(tumblr and dreamwidth for full writings, facebook and twitter for links), and I will correct ASAP.

My policy is to identify panelists by the names written in the programming book since that’s what they’ve chosen to be publicly known as. If you’re one of the panelists and would prefer something else - let me know and I’ll change it right away.

For audience comments, I will only say general “audience member” kind of identifier unless the individual requests to be named.

Any personal notes or comments I make will be added in like this [I disagree because blah] - showing this was not part of the panel vs. something like “and then I spoke up and said blah” to show I actually added to the panel at the time.

Navigating Body Image While Genderqueer / Genderfluid / Non-Binary

Moderator: Theo Nicole Lorenz. Panelists: Lee Bauersouth, Sam Einhorn, Jack Evans, Kris Mayer, Mo Ranyart

#NavigateGNCBodyImage for the livetweets and such

[I feel like I’ve both moderated and been on a version of this panel in past years, so it was neat to just be in the audience this time. Also - while looking around me at the panelists and my fellow audience members while waiting for the panel to start, my internal monologue was just a bouncy repetition of the word “Gender! Gender! Gender!” because IDK folks, I just adore gender and it’s many permutations and discussions of it all.]

Theo began the panel by acknowledging that the panelists were mostly white AFAB folk and that they wanted to invite other perspectives to join them. They also said everyone uses their own language for their own bodies and identities and if people use any words that make you feel uncomfortable, you should do what you need to take care of yourselves and no one will judge you for leaving if you need to.

Jack, referencing pre-panel joking around, introduced themselves by saying “I am goat, and I’m a goat.” Then seriously added that they are a non-binary trans man - but kinda wooshy-washy about it. They added that, as Theo’s assistant, the two talk about gender a lot. 

Sam began their intro with “I am Sam and I am *not* a goat”, and then added that they are genderqueer or maybe non-binary - they have trouble figuring it out. But mostly ID as a genderqueer butch person depending somewhat on the day. 

Sam also talked about how they discovered all of this gender stuff around the time as discovering fat acceptance movement and wanted to talk about how those two things informed each other.

Lee’s introduction began with “I’m questioning if I’m a goat or not...” - then worried some about if they’d offended anyone by calling themselves a goat and added “This is SO Sunday.” Lee introduced themselves as actually being agender, which they consider to be under the umbrella of genderqueer. 

Lee added that genderqueer and gender dysphoria are not a circle but a venn diagram and said “I’m in that sliver.” 

Mo left off the goat-joke intro and introduced themselves as being a femme non-binary trans dude - sort of. They also talked about fat activism in addition to having a history with an eating disorder. They said that they do have trans-related body dysphoria. 

Kris introduced themselves as non-binary and butch - mainly due to how they are read by society. They added that internally, they feel like there are rules to butchness and they don’t follow them, so they don’t necessarily identify as butch. They also talked about how we often worry about doing gender right - even as we tell others and ourselves that there is no right or wrong to how to do gender.

Lee added that they forgot in their intro to say that they are also coming at this topic from the perspective of a professional therapist.

Theo began their introduction with “I describe my identity as .... oh gosh... non-binary or agender or both?” They also said that they are stepping their toe tentatively into the trans pool and it kind of fits for them. 

Theo, author/artist of the coloring book Fat Ladies in Spaaaaace, created it while still thinking they were a cis woman. After discovering genderqueerness, they realized this thing they created for body positivity no longer fit for their own body. This was a loss to Theo. 

Theo then posed the question to the panelists - how has your relationship with body acceptance changed since realizing you’re not cis, and what do you need out of body acceptance movements now?

Jack acknowledged how Theo’s example was a loss, but for Jack there was something they gained when realizing they weren’t cis. It was so freeing because they suddenly didn’t have to fit a model of what a man or woman should be. But Then they started the transitioning process and felt they had to be more serious and conform again, which was hard.

Sam said they really didn’t know about trans, genderqueer, etc. for a long time. They discovered gender discourse and fat positivity around the same time. They were finding it was okay to be butch but not fat on the one hand, on the other in the fat pos. movement there were all of these expectations around femininity. So these two parts of Sam’s identity were constantly criss-crossing.

Lee talked about coming from the angle of chronic health conditions and the disability acceptance movements. They were being told to celebrate being a woman while having 9 week painful periods. They were being told to nourish their body while thinking - no, my body’s an asshole. They had an ablation, which they described as “I had my uterus electrocuted to send a message to my other organs”. 

Lee discussed the frustrations of feeling weaker and being treated as a delicate flower and how that made them want to find some plaid real quick. [I found myself nodding vehemently to this - nothing makes me wanna butch up more than getting sympathy for my chronic health issues]

Mo talked about having issues with “body positivity” - it felt like this was just a way to say it’s not okay to be fat but let’s celebrate other bodies! They talked about how “love your body” can feel like a kick in the teeth and loving one’s body can be really hard for some people. What about a truce instead? Can I have a friendly acquaintance with my body?

Mo also asked - can you be not-a-woman and be part of the fat acceptance movement? They had difficulty finding space for non-binary bodies in body acceptance. Instead of being part of the larger group, they’ve found smaller groups of people just huddling together. 

It can be hard to get all intersections covered so these movements need to be much larger and much more inclusive. 

Kris posed the question of - what if there are parts of my body I don’t want to make peace with? They talked about feeling violent towards certain body parts. When complaining about menstruation, they were told that it was a spectral of the goddess. They replied - no deity owns a part of my body.

Kris also talked about having dysphoria around their breasts. Am I allowed to say I don’t want to be positive about this?

Theo discussed how they were able to get top surgery and how that decreased their feelings of violence with their body. Post-surgery, Theo thought - “I hope they’re happy wherever they are now - maybe on a farm upstate somewhere - frolicking with all of the other breasts.” [I about bust a gut laughing - and had to share this with my friend who is about to have a double mastectomy because we’ve been making all sorts of jokes about her breasts post-surgery. Now we get to imagine them out there in a field romping around with other boobs - thanks Theo!! lol]

Theo posed the next question for the panelists - what do we need from these movements?

Lee answered with acceptance of the fact that chronic pain is not something they’re going to love. They compared their pain to a large dog shredding the sofa continuously and saying - “look, I’m trying to take care of you but you’re not making it easy! But if I stop taking care of you - you’ll crap on the bed.” [yes yes yes]

Jack answered - inclusion of all intersections. They talked about how they got into power lifting in order to build up masculine strength but then realized that health issues meant some days they couldn’t even lift a pencil. They don’t see many examples of trans guys like themselves.

Sam answered with more acceptance of different kinds of bodies - not just size related but gender, and other differences. The importance of not only letting these other kinds of bodies be there in the movements, but of actually making space for and including/welcoming them as well.

Mo talked about the problems with body acceptance focusing on the line of thinking like “you, too, can be attractive!” That’s good, but it’s not the whole thing. You should not have to love or accept parts of your body that are causing you actual harm or trauma, pain, dysphoria, etc. 

Mo also talked about things like “info for all the ladies out there” and being - what about me? Can that be for me too? Mo just wants more general awareness that not all people are like you - is that a big ask? It feels like it some days.

Kris brought up the decentering of attractiveness in these movements. Prioritizing beauty when not all of us are going to or even want to fit societal beauty norms. [wow this sent a lightbulb off in my head so big! need to think/write more about this myself]

Theo talked about more acceptance of bodies in liminal spaces. Bodies in transition are often treated like an unbaked cookie - someone adds in that those can be tasty so the panel finally settled on uncooked waffles as the analogy. So this uncooked waffle is treated like - well, you have potential to be something cool. What if I already feel done though? What if I’ve transitioned as much as I plan to? What if I don’t want to be fully cooked? 

Lee gave an example of a friend with many complicated health issues who was able to get phalloplasty but can’t take T - so there are some parts of the transition process they could and couldn’t do.

Jack added that in that example, the person had the phalloplasty without having a vaginectomy - they wanted to add that so that folks would know you could do it that way.

Mo talked about ways in which non-binary becomes it’s own box to fill in next to Male or Female instead of being an opt-out altogether. Often the idea of non-binary that people carry with them is an androgynous thin person in men’s clothing that’s tailored for people with breasts. And that’s great that those kind of clothes are being made and people who fit that archetype can find acceptance - but that’s not all that being non-binary is or all that non-binary clothing can be.

Kris talked about how they identified as genderqueer for a decade but then switched to non-binary because it felt like a shrug when it comes to gender. For years, Kris chased masculinity as the only model they knew. Now, they are having fun with nail polish and earrings. They added they get most of their accessories from Claire’s because inside they feel like their gender is a 13 year old girl. (Several panelists agreed with this notion for themselves)

Kris added that since exploring more of this feminine side, they find themselves worrying about outside perception of their gender - am I still non-binary enough? Trans enough?

Theo also related to the idea of chasing masculinity. They said they’re much happier since feeling more comfortable playing with femininity. 

Jack brought up sex positivity for a variety of different bodies - especially intersex bodies and for trans people who haven’t had “The Surgery.” 

Theo posed the question of where they’ve found what they needed as far as body acceptance and all of the panelists said at WisCon [me toooooo :)]

Theo also talked about finding a photo, on a website where there were hundreds of photos of trans bodies. This one photo looked like Theo’s body and the person in the photo looked so happy and free with their body and it really helped Theo to feel more acceptance and hope for themselves.

Sam discussed how getting positive reinforcement on twitter about both their gender exploration and their fatness has helped. This was Sam’s first WisCon and seeing so many people who look like them was also very powerful. Most of their friends don’t share all of their intersections. 

Jack reiterated what Sam said and added that they need WisCon for their soul - just to be with people like themselves. Jack then talked about how they didn’t use makeup until they came out as trans - it became more of a choice to them then. They started sharing selfies and got positive feedback and that helped too.

Mo also talked about how taking selfies has helped them. In particular, it’s helped them to gain a greater sense of themselves. Between the gender dysphoria and eating disorder, Mo spent a lot of time not knowing how their own body looked. The first time Mo shared a selfie online, they almost threw up. Then they got home and had 20 positive comments. So they kept trying to do it and have recently realized that they no longer feel sick when doing so. 

Mo also added that having good sexual experiences with people who are not assholes has helped. [I had some *feels* here]

Kris discussed the difficulty they’ve had in finding a network of friends, but they rely on support from friends online. They also feel lucky to have genuine family support.

Lee said - I guess I lied earlier. (Theo asked - so you ARE a goat?) Lee clarified that when they said earlier that they didn’t have any dysphoria, they’ve realized that they do have some around their breasts. 

[At this point, I became triggered by something said and stopped taking notes. This was through no fault of any of the panelists btw - they were only speaking from their own experiences but it was upsetting to me based on stuff going on in my own life so I closed my notebook and just listened to the rest of the panel, which was still really great and I’m sorry I didn’t get it all down. However, do check the hashtag for the panel for much more that I didn’t get! #NavigateGNCBodyImage]