#*tmh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

puhpandas · 8 months

Text

Take Me Home 1, 2

(2440 words)

Cassie becomes aware of the world around her slowly.

At first, all she can make out are muffled voices, one achingly familiar and right in front of her.

She wants to reach out to it, she feels like she needs to, but she can't do much of anything.

The others are all unrecognizable, and all she hears is muffled commotion, something like... like... she can't put her finger on it. She can barely think at all.

She can't find the strength in herself to move, but at some point, she feels something touching her arms, then her shoulders, then lifting her up to set her down on something soft, and when it jostles her arm, her eyelids finally stop feeling like they're welded shut as she let's out a sharp gasp.

"--assie!" The voices all become clear so suddenly; like she broke through water. "Cassie, you're okay! Oh my god."

Cassie can feel herself shaking and gasping and, her eyes are only able to open to slits as she takes in the image in front of her. A woman she doesn't recognize is typing away at one of the same portable security stations Cassie had used, and a certain animatronic is fighting the thing that Cassie ran from.

Hang on, Freddy Fazbear?

The poor guy looks like a patchwork quilt; casing different sizes and some pieces missing alltogether, with his colors and paint wonky and messy, but his signature lightning bolt and face paint flows in the dark, and it's some of the only light in the room.

Her head lolls, and she can barely find the strength to move, or even think, when she finally realizes shes laying on something soft, and not the cold, dirty, ancient linoleum tile.

"Its okay, Cassie." The voice says again, the one she'd felt the need to follow, to focus on, and she tries to look through squinted eyes at the source.

She realizes she's laying in someone's lap, and she can only acknowledge the color blue when a hand rakes through her hair as assurances are murmured her way, and she's just so comfortable that she can't find it in her to fight it, so she just succumbs, and let's her eyes slip closed.

"Damn it!" Cassie can hear the woman yell. "Gregory, I need you here!"

Cassies eyes re-open to slits when she feels herself being shifted, but she can't quite understand what's going on yet.

"Shit." The same soft, painfully familiar voice says above her, and something bothers her, like an itch she can't scratch. "Okay. I'll be right back, Cassie. Just sit tight."

Shes suddenly laying on the ice cold, filthy floor, and she cant help but make a noise in protest.

The voice does not respond with its comfort again. Instead, with her steadily growing awareness, she can hear the pitter patter of footsteps.

Its greatly difficult to open her eyes, theres some kind of buzzing in her head and an almost lag or stutter to her very thoughts, but she tries hard, really hard to force them open.

Her eyes focus in on the scene just in time to see a gray and red blur tackling the figure in front of her.

The same voice that had brought her comfort cries out, and he and the blur both land on the ground after sliding.

Cassie is suddenly very, very aware of what's happening.

"You!"" Roxy howls, pinning Gregory down by his arms and letting her teeth get very close to his face. "Don't touch her, brat! I won't allow you! Not after what you did!"

"Gregory!" Freddy yells, momentarily distracted from his battle with that thing, and it gets the jump on him, landing a worrisome blow.

Freddy staggers, but he recovers quickly, and it isnt long before he's back on top of the thing and pushing it towards the hole it crawled out of.

Freddy growls ferociously, sudden strength overwhelming the thing he's battling as it gets harder for it to fight back.

"Vanessa!" He yells to the woman Cassie still doesn't recognize.

"Shit!" Vanessa curses, leaving her station. "Hold on, Gregory!"

Suddenly, Cassies mind catches back up fully, and she tries not to let it reel too much as she scrambles off the floor, ignoring her twinging arm and leg.

"Wait, wait! Roxy don't hurt him!" She shrieks, falling to the ground after her leg gives in on her, and tears pool in her eyes, not only from the burning, scorching pain in her leg, but from Roxys sharp, broken, dangerous endoskeleton claws held high above Gregory, ready to strike.

Roxys ears wiggle, and she's distracted just long enough for Gregory to send a kick straight to her chest, that somehow sends her flying off of him.

Gregory is quick to scramble to his feet, hovering by Vanessa and taking over the computer they're at when she steps aside.

Roxy growls ferociously as she claws at the ground, scrambling to find surface.

"Brat!" She shrieks, voice box warbling and cutting out from the sheer volume and intensity. "How dare you!"

"Roxy!" Cassie yells, army crawling over to the shattered wolf and putting a soft, comforting hand on her cold endoskeleton forearm. "Roxy, please, calm down! It's okay!"

Roxy finally gets to her feet, and at Cassies voice, doesn't move again, just shifts to stay at her side, ears wiggling and she tries to understand what's going on in the room.

Cassie hears a sound next to her, a resounding beep that echoes across the room, and she can see Freddy finally shove the thing back in the dark, slimy hole it came from, and dig his claws in the metal of the door to slam it closed.

"How much longer?!" Freddy asks, and the thing starts banging on the door, leaving dents in the other side.

"Almost..." Gregory says, typing at the speed of light, and suddenly, with a flash, he pushes one finger into a button on the keyboard, and something latches on the other side of the metal door. A cement mixer Cassie never noticed was next to it begins spinning, and gray liquid begins filling it up from the tubes plugged into vats, and cement starts piling onto the door.

Freddy moves out of the way as wet cement buries the door under a thick layer, and everyone is silent when the thing's banging can't be heard anymore, and the cement mixer powers off.

She's still holding onto Roxy, and Roxy to her as well, and next to her, when she finally snaps out of it, she can hear Gregory and the woman panting next to her.

Everything only becomes apparent when the danger is over.

She suddenly becomes aware of the still wet tear tracks on her face, and it all comes swinging back at full force.

Roxy twitches when Cassie makes a noise, but Cassie isnt looking at her; shes looking just a bit past her, and to the left.

Gregory and the woman look over at her, but they only really seem to really see her when she starts crying.

Gregory looks right back at her, and it's like time slows down.

The room feels so still; like the very air has shifted and settled to let Cassie focus purely on this moment, only on Gregory.

She catches his eyes, amber colored (rare, he always said.).

And everything else falls away.

"Gregory," She sobs, and she tries to move, to get up, but her body is so sore, and she can feel herself trembling, and her leg burns and pulses with pain and shes pretty sure its broken along with her arm that she cant put pressure on.

"Cassie..." Gregory says, just as disbelieving as Cassie, and Cassie cant help but sob out a wet laugh, and let a grin split on her face when Gregory smiles at her.

He makes up for her lack of moveability and takes one step, then another, and it's not long before hes close, close enough to reach out to.

But something on her other side shifts, and she had forgotten Roxy was still there, and that her hand was still clasped firmly around her arm.

Gregory's stopped in his tracks by Roxy rising menacingly, and Gregory finally tears his eyes away from Cassie, looking wearily at Roxy.

"If you think I'm letting you anywhere near her after what you did..." Roxy growls, fingers twitching as she readies her claws. "You're mistaken."

And suddenly, Cassie remembers all about what Roxys so upset about.

"It's not your fault. I know you did it for me. To save me. But... we can't risk being followed."

"I'm sorry."

Her stomach feeling like it was doing flips. Her head being slammed into the ceiling of the elevator as it plummeted to the ground. Everything spinning. Her hearing something crack when she was thrown to the floor when it finally landed before everything going dark.

Gregory's brows furrow from where hes standing, and Cassie can't help the deep, agonizing, hurt inside of her when his words echo inside of her head.

"W-what I did...?" Gregory mutters, confused. "Is this about your eyes? Listen, Roxy, I--"

"It should be, but it isn't." Roxy snarls. "You just cant stop hurting people, can you? Gregory."

Gregory's eyes flash with hurt from where hes standing, and Cassie can't help but feel like something isnt adding up.

"I-I dont understand..." He says, brows furrowed.

Roxy growls, as if she can't believe his audacity.

"The elevator, brat!" She yells. "You dropped her! All to save your own skin. Just like everything else you've done."

Gregory looks more confused than hurt, and then, his eyes widen.

"The elevator..." He mutters. "That-- Damn it! The Mimic must have-- fuck." He rubs at his eyes with his hands.

Cassie frowns. "Gregory?"

He whips up at her voice, and he looks a whole new level of concerned.

"Cassie." He says simply, and side-steps Roxy when Cassie reaches out to him.

Roxy whips around. "Gregory--!"

"Roxy!" Cassie interrupts, never tearing her eyes away from Gregory. "Its okay. I promise."

Roxy pauses at that, and with a warbling grumble, un-tenses her springs, and backs off.

"Roxy," Cassie can hear a robotic voice say, emotion lacing its tone, but Cassie isn't focused on anything but the person in front of her.

She's finally able to reach him, and he wastes no time joining her on the floor, and letting her wrap his arms around her.

She cries when he hugs back just as desperately, and she sucks in shuddering breaths, clinging onto his blue jacket.

"Cassie," Gregory says, voice soft but rough at the same time and exactly how she'd remembered it, and she just cries harder. "I didn't cut the elevator. I would--" He huffs. "I would never do that to you. It was The Mimic."

Cassie sniffs, and is just so overwhelmed with relief that Gregory didnt cut her off, leaving her to be trapped, and almost forgets to respond. "T-The Mimic?"

"That thing that's down here." He explains, and Cassie wants to break away so she can see his face, but she doesn't want to leave the cocoon of warmth and comfort yet. "But... we sealed it back up. Turned all the security back on. Its stuck again. For good."

Cassie is barely listening, just squeezing her eyes shut and burrying her face into Gregory's shoulder.

"I missed you." She says shakily. "You were gone for so long. I-I thought you--"

Gregory shushes her, but his own voice sounds choked up.

"I know." And she can feel him trembling against her as much as she is against him. "I-I missed you, too. So much."

"Um," Another voice says, a female one, and Cassie recognizes it as that Vanessa lady. "I don't mean to interrupt this moment, but we should probably get out of here."

Suddenly Cassie is thrown back into awareness, and she notices the freezing, biting cold sinking into her joints from being on the floor and the aching, pulsating pain from her left arm and leg.

Gregory finally pulls away, and Cassie is almost sent back into another crying fit when she sees his face. The same face shed missed so intensely.

She has more to say to him, so much more, but right now, all she wants is to go home.

"You're right, we gotta go." He agrees. "Its not totally safe here. Theres still danger out to get us."

Cassie tries not to let herself get too scared over that, shes so tired, but Gregory smiles a reassuring smile, and it works on her probably too well.

"Freddy?" Gregory asks the bear, who's been off to the side with Roxy for a while now. "Can you..."

Freddy nods, and goes to help Cassie, but Roxy beats him to it, and scoops her up ever so gently, holding her close and somehow just in the right position to not impale her on her broken casing or jostle her limbs.

"I've got her." Roxy says, and she sounds way less angry than before, just determined. "Let's get out of here."

Roxy strodes past Gregory and totally not very pointedly ignores him, but Gregory doesn't comment, just nods, and the Vanessa girl packs up that portable computer thing (were they all hers?) and follows behind them.

They all line up by the elevator, but low and behold, its sitting broken, crumpled, and totally, undoubtedly, unusable.

"What are we going to do?" Cassie asks, furrowed brows looking at the broken down elevator, and she looks away when she sees a bit of red on the inside. Her injuries twinge without her permission. "How are we gonna get out?"

"Dont worry." The Vanessa woman says. "We'll get out using the tunnels. They lead right up to the basement, and then we'll go from there."

Cassie want to ask about what tunnels? but shes exhausted, and her body hurts, and she feels safe for the first time (no, second time. First time was when Gregory was holding her.) all night.

So she just mumbles an agreement, and let's herself get comfortable in Roxys arms.

Going up the tunnels takes forever, and Cassie is left coughing up dust and dirt by the time they get to the surface, and her eyelids are already fluttering when they're not even at the second basement level yet.

"Rest." Gregory tells her. "You can count on us to get you out safe, I promise."

She nods, fully believing Gregorys words, and she only let's herself fall asleep when Roxy tightens her hold around her and Gregory let's her take his hand with her good arm.

2nd ao3 link

#gonna post the take me home chapters on tumblr too!#take me home #tmh #my fics #writing #fnaf gregory #fnaf cassie #fnaf ruin #fnaf fic #pandas writes #gregory and cassie #cassie and roxy #ruin

27 notes · View notes

tleeaves · 8 months

Note

Gush about your favourite TSC characters and ships! It's a free-for-all.

This is an incredibly sweet opportunity and now I'm sitting here trying to figure out who and what I want to talk about first. It's probably no secret or surprise that most of my favourites of anything in TSC come from the TLH series. See, with such open-ended gushing opportunities as this, actually, there are sooo many characters I want to talk about. I'm beginning to fear everyone's going to regret you calling this a free-for-all.

James Herondale is by far my favourite TSC character in existence, and I think about him and have talked about him (elsewhere, before I had any Tumblr blogs) the most. If you've read some of my longer fanfics at all, this likely hasn't come as a shock to you, but I love the guy, which is probably why I'm a little weird when it comes to others' posts about him (maybe Jane Austen was onto something when she said that if I loved someone less, I'd be able to talk about them more). We all come away from reading books with different takes on characters, and that's a perfectly normal phenomenon. Because I feel so deeply about James, I tend to dance around the topic of him unless I do agree with someone else's analysis or I have something substantial to say, and even then I tend to curb myself because I don't want to sound like a raving lunatic... and now I realise how long that sentence was. (I'm already a raving lunatic, aren't I?) Anyhow, this is an opportunity to gush, and gush I will (very extensively).

See, I've seen it going around the fandom that people dislike the characterisation of James or the way he was presented in earlier short stories pre-TLH publications and then post when some might argue he was a completely different person. Honourable mention to my fellow countryman, musician, and fanauthor, @faithfromanewperspective, who has some fascinating posts discussing the neurodivergence of the TLH cast, which help further explain their personalities and some of their characterisation across their written existence (seriously, go check out some of Silver's analysis posts, they're such wonderful and interesting reads). Similar to Silver, I like to observe the essentially four different Jameses that exist across the timeline of James Herondale's written existence.

We have the James from the Shadowhunter Academy era, James in The Midnight Heir set several months before the events of The Last Hours, and then, of course, who we have during TLH pre- and post-bracelet influence. I once embarked on a research rabbit warren when I hit a rough patch in fanfic writing where I was trying to decide how best to write James post-bracelet while still remaining as canon-compliant as possible, while also filling in the gaps I and other fans have been frustrated with in James' evolution, all before Chain of Thorns was released. I reread all the stories that involved James and constructed an approximate timeline where I explored the ways his personality was presented at various points. From there, I tried to make sense of him by connecting, essentially, these four Jameses.

James holds a number of insecurities and burdens that pretty much sealed the deal for me when I was reading about him the first time around (don't ask me to count how many times I've read about him overall). Similar to when I discussed the topic of Jem Carstairs and chronic illness (see here), I connected to James Herondale through the avenue of chronic conditions. Other content creators like to interpret characters through lenses of mental illness or disorders, for instance, which definitely have a wealth of analysis and discussion to offer. My go-to instead, I suppose, is chronic illness and relationship dynamics, and how that affects a person's character. I may have talked in part about this before somewhere on here, but I'm too lazy to comb through the James Herondale tag that exists on my fandom blog (@streettealee, where I'll also be reposting this ramble). Anyway, burdens and insecurities.

Goatface Herondale

The academy days were especially rough for many characters, but here I'm talking about James (obviously). He was around the age of 13 when he attended the Shadowhunter Academy (a year, give or take a bit, before Grace would ask him to retrieve her bracelet and wear it, and a little closer in time to when he went to Cirenworth and had scalding fever). We see that he was a rather shy kid, generally self-conscious as one tends to be when reaching teenage years especially, and also quite insecure.

He has a close relationship with his parents and also his sister. We know he's very protective of Lucie, and they were playmates, which naturally lends itself to bonding and frequent squabbles (take it from me, an eldest child with a younger sister born right as I became a toddler -- we were each other's only friends in many respects and we got into a lot of fights, yet I would do anything for my sister, even take ownership for her mistakes just because I didn't want her to suffer the consequences). The nature of his relationship with Lucie is something that does not change as the series progresses (it would have been interesting to see her reaction to him in TMH though). As for his parents: James is what my friends and I in primary school would have mockingly called "The Golden Child" (and not for his eyes, mind you), because he's not simply a mama's boy or father's boy. James is the dreaded combination of both, in which he is always trying to do right by them in some way, shape, or form, without much particular favour for one over the other. It wouldn't surprise me if Lucie was ever bitter about him being the oldest and something of a goody-two-shoes, or if James regarded it the other way with Lucie always getting away with everything because she's younger and so innocent-seeming (she definitely play-acted her way out of things as a child).

As has been examined by others already, James carries the burden of his parents' love (we'll get to more of this in the next section). Not only is he the miracle child of a Shadowhunter and a warlock, never seen before, he is also affected by the trauma Tessa carries as an outsider within the Enclave, and the concern she and Will have for him that borders on overbearing. We see in his academy era that he will not say goodbye to his father because he knows he cannot bear it and does not want to be seen as weak. We also see that he refuses to go home and or do anything that would reflect badly on his mother, because she is already alienated for being a warlock in Shadowhunter society. Furthermore, James is resentful of his father particularly at this time, because James is constantly being compared to him (again, we'll come back to this). He wishes Will Herondale were less than perfect so that James would be allowed to be who he is: less than perfect, a Nephilim child with demon blood.

As a kid, it can be difficult growing up in an environment where you are from two cultures, and everyone around you is constantly trying to get you to pick which you most are between them, instead of unifying them both as elements of your identity (this is from my personal experience). James has been an odd Shadowhunter for most of his life, up until the point at the academy where his warlock powers (thanks to Belial, yay) suddenly manifest. From that point on, where it is seen that some magical capability is possible, James is caught between two worlds. It was bad enough for him to have strange yellow-gold eyes ("Goatface Herondale") which he tried to hide by wearing his glasses more often than necessary, he then had to contend with a more noticeable, alienating feature of his demonic heritage, which drove away even the mundanes he had previously been befriending (outsiders to a particular majority tend to flock together, up to a certain point, as demonstrated).

So, there's that aspect of his shadow powers. When I read about James, I drew connections also with the earlier mentioned chronic illness view. His demonic heritage is not a condition, but his experience of their manifestation in uncontrollable and traumatising episodes of shadow magic are what I would call one. As if he were not insecure enough about not being extroverted enough to break out of his loneliness and enter social circles he's always skirted at the edges of, he is afflicted by a condition that betrays his body and will. This loss of control is difficult for anyone. It's easy to feel helpless, even after a diagnosis of something, because it is incurable and or unpredictable in nature. Self-loathing lends itself to those left vulnerable by such a violent change in their body's nature and their identity. There is a lot to be said about the labels given to us and the ones we assume. To James, this is just another way he is less than perfect, less than his father, a weakness to his mother and family, no longer on totally common ground with his sister, different from his peers, and his ability to tamp down this part of him and appear as some semblance of "normal" for Nephilim becomes tied with his self-esteem.

As a quick side note: it is my theory that James feels like an outsider among Downworld circles and that is why he has always been rather awkward around them. We see he does fine in The Devil Tavern when he gradually makes a second home of it, but there are other instances, such as a brief moment that lives rent-free in my head where, at his introduction in Chain of Gold, he walks past a vampire and avoids eye contact because "[unless Downworlders broke the law, it was none of his business what they did]" (I'm paraphrasing there) and I think there's been a bit of shame instilled in him. James is not wholly a Downworlder, and he is not wholly Nephilim, and because he was raised as a Shadowhunter and alienated anytime he was not quite resembling one, he does his best to try and follow Shadowhunter values and norms and further avoids some aspects of Downworld in some contexts, like when he's just come off a patrol.

Of course, good things come to James too at this time: Matthew finally manages to befriend him, and the two are both insecure people who find security in each other. He also leaves the Shadowhunter Academy, and Matthew declares he and James are going to be parabatai and must therefore stick together, which for James would feel pretty damn good -- not only because Matthew wants to share such a special connection with him, considering his demonic heritage and the inherent angelic ties the parabatai ceremony holds, but also because his father places a lot of stress on parabatai as one of the greatest forms of love that exists (again, we come to that burden of love idea) and so James, I believe, would find this an opportunity to live up to the expectations his parents hold.

AND ANOTHER SIDE NOTE: I THINK IT IS BRILLIANT THAT TLH IS BASED ON GREAT EXPECTATIONS I MEAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD THE ENTIRE TLH CAST IS SADDLED WITH ALL THESE THINGS EXPECTED OF THEM FOR VARIOUS REASONS, I COULD GO ON ABOUT THIS FOREVER AND THE CONNECTIONS THEY HAVE TO THE ORIGINAL NOVEL BY DICKENS.

All that is to say: this first sort of version of James that we see is shy, insecure, sweet, generally well-intentioned, clever (he's funny and I didn't get time to try and go back to the book to pick up all the instances where he says something amusing, keep off), and reaches this first turning point of burden -- the burden of love and expectations, and of his heritage and abilities/condition. All of this has already brewed into a hero complex (it does not quite rival Cordelia's, but it's up there -- James really likes to handle things himself and on his own, and now it's got me thinking about Batman... anyway).

Helen of Troy

This boy had shining golden eyes, like a crystal glass filled brimful with crisp white wine and held up to catch the light of a blazing sun. If his skin was luminous, his eyes were radiant. Magnus could not imagine these eyes as tender. The boy was very, very lovely, but this was a beauty like that Helen of Troy might have had once, disaster written in every line. The light of his beauty made Magnus think of cities burning.

The Midnight Heir is perhaps the most contentious piece written about James, and I would like to point several things out before we proceed: Cassandra Clare wrote this (as well as Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy) with co-authors who, as far as I know, were not as heavily involved in TLH. Furthermore, this is from Magnus Bane's perspective, and he is known to dramatise just as much as the TLH cast themselves like to drape their lives in drama. Now, going forward...

This occurred before TLH and I have my practical writer theories as to why James wound up so different in TLH compared to TMH. Clare changed her mind about the story's trajectory, about who the main characters would be, what the romances would look like, who she wanted James Herondale to be. And this is where I have to admit, Clare as a writer -- like any other -- is flawed and has a history of inconsistencies. As frustrating as it can be, it happens, and so there is obviously the issue of "well who is the REAL James Herondale? What/who is canon?"

This brings me to my exercise in interpreting James: the different Jameses that exist and my way of uniting them all so that they do indeed make one coherent character who can have the mildness of his academy era, the wild intensity of his midnight era, and have all that remain consistent with who he is by The Last Hours (during and post bracelet).

As you may have gathered from the Goatface Herondale topic above, James' turning point at the academy was just the start of the disasters he was written for--disaster written in every line--which leads up to TMH or his Helen of Troy period. There are some interpretations that his wild and unruly behaviour was simply as it was presented to us: heartbreak taken to the extreme "because he's a Herondale and they love only but once blah blah bullshit blah" and heightened by the cursed bracelet he was wearing at the time (there is textual evidence he had it on him, and we are told Grace merely sent a letter that made him despair and things were quickly made up after). Then, such as done by Silver, there is the interpretation that James may be bipolar or have some other disorder in which he experiences manic episodes, which lead to the vast, seemingly inexhaustible energy he had that night in TMH where we first meet him as he's grown older and the complete mood swing that almost resembles an entire change in character (also look to the dialogue of his parents who say he never used to be like this, he was always so studious, so good, very mild and well-behaved, kept his parabatai in line and shared private jokes). This is where I would have really liked to know Lucie's view, because as his sister, she is more than likely to share a view that is different from the adults gathered (Magnus, Tessa, Will, and Jem), and I almost think she would say he's being dramatic and she doesn't know what got into him except he's still treating her all the same and then she'd just roll her eyes (I'm not saying she wouldn't be concerned, but just that she'd easily disguise it as a mockery of her brother doing dumb shit).

There is also something to be said about masking and "the Mask" that James dons. However, I do not know enough about this to comment much on it. I direct you once again to @faithfromanewperspective who I know has covered this topic in more detail. What I have to add around it (as someone with some form of undiagnosed neurodivergence, but leaning toward ADHD and C-PTSD (I do not yet have the funds or ability to seek professional opinions)) is that this is plausible, and yet not my first thought when I'm considering the totality of James and how we can unite the different stages of his timeline. I say this because I experience bursts and lulls of certain behaviours, and so far I do not have anything concrete to attribute it to, and it may sound stupid, but I have found (in my experience) that sometimes we lose our inhibitions as a result of extreme emotions in difficult circumstances. Who I am when I am at home is different to who I am in the classroom and different again to who I am when I've been drinking alcohol and who I am when I'm wandering the streets of a city late at night (always with friends, notably, because I don't feel safe enough to wander alone at night as a woman). Sometimes, I do not even need a drink in me to loosen up certain aspects of my mentality, but a few hours of sleep deprivation (sort of a lie, I'm almost always sleep deprived and it's yet another chronic issue I'm working on since it affects other areas of my health). I believe I am a product of my environment in many ways. And so is James.

There is some merit to the original idea that James has been ensconced in such profound love his whole life, that when his love life goes wrong and is not at all like the beautiful fairytale he resents his parents for having and pushing on him, it destroys him inside. Admittedly, I'd say this would have greater impact and would be a much more compelling narrative if the bracelet was not cursed and James was allowed to break the dumb Herondale myth of loving once (furthering that alienation but ultimately providing him liberation). But even with the bracelet: James believes himself in love, believes he is damned because he is demonic and nothing good can ever become of him or anything he wants in life, he is going to always get the short end of the stick because the expectations placed on him are too great, and he has received a devastating letter as a hormonal teenager with access to an entire city to terrorise and alcoholic drinks to consume. I'd say it's not far-fetched to assume he was just incredibly drunk and heartbroken that night, and was simply embracing the drama that teenagers lean toward.

It is, though, the sheer cruelness that James demonstrates in front of Magnus that pokes a hole in this framework. The James we knew previously, and even the James we see in TLH, is not who you would call cruel. So where did this come from? Was it his resentment against Downworld rising to the surface, an extension of his insecurities raging inside him? Rebelliousness against his parents? If he embraces chaos and cruelty and vice, can he convince himself he is merely being who he was always meant to be, as someone who is part demon? (Sound familiar to anyone? *cough* Jace Herondale *cough*) Was he as drunk as Magnus thought he was? Was James, in reality, experiencing some sort of manic high where he could be wickedly precise with a gun and still be entirely out of his typical character?

I have no definite answer, except that I urge you to reflect inward. Have we not all at least once experienced a time where we "have not acted ourselves"? Where, for one reason or another, we shed our usual attitudes and embraced a different side of ourselves that only seems out of character because others around us do not know us as we know ourselves? I know I have. I know I can be cruel and nasty when I let go of care, and that a part of me believes sometimes that it is my truest nature because of what some people drilled into me for many impressionable years. That sometimes it is a form of self-harm, because I can still feel empathy and I know what I am doing is hurting someone else, and it hurts me too because I am so aware of it and the whole vicious mental cycle goes on. I know that if I simply stay up long enough at night, I indulge in reckless behaviours and say whatever comes to my mind with little to no filter. I know that I can have periods of energy fueled by recklessness, by some social interactions, by many other factors, and can lead to be attempting to perform feats I typically would not.

James trying to make love to a lamppost and a dog and what have you? That I could attribute to drinking or sleep deprivation. It could just as easily be something else, but I will stand by the fact that this is not out of the ordinary when one is in an extraordinary sort of mental state. I also believe Clare's intentions when writing that was more for humour than anything.

Returning to my earlier point, I do believe James might have been cruel in TMH because he simply could be, because he is unloveable (in his mind), demonic, and for that period of time, dreadfully tired of how hard he had to try to be someone everyone believed he was not. And perhaps because this rebellion, this reckless behaviour, as chaotic as it appears, is actually his form of taking control over his life and his image. If he acts the part of a wild, half-warlock, if he embraces wickedness, he is in control of that and no comments or misfortune that might be attributed to it are as bad in his mind. To him, under the curse, Grace is perfect and he's just Ken James, barely a Herondale. This night in TMH that catches glimpse of his character as of late is actually just the snowball effect of his insecurities that we already saw in the academy.

So, how does that connect to the Jameses of TLH?

Barely a Herondale

Let's revisit my favourite topics of chronic illness and control. We see by TMH, and with context provided in Chain of Gold, that James had begun to master his shadow abilities, so that they became actual abilities and not just a condition that he was struggling with. In a way, I see it as a remission. James has developed this precious view of control because of this, I would argue, and we see him grapple with control and his insecurities in TLH more. When we open the series with Chain of Gold and we see James enter the shadow realm against his will in the middle of a fight, there is a deep sense of body betrayal, I find when reading. I feel for James when his friends go "I thought that had stopped happening/all that rubbish was over" and he goes "me too". I cannot count the times in my life when I genuinely thought my health troubles were over, that the rollercoaster was only going up, just to have a horrible shock when suddenly my body gives out on me and I am plunged for months into chronic pain and illness all over again for usually unclear reasons. I have no cure, just as James doesn't. We simply have methods of managing our respective conditions, if that makes sense. It is a constant fight for control over ourselves. There have been times where I will not tell a single person that my symptoms of something have come back, simply because I am exhausted and I already know the drill of management techniques I'll have to employ myself.

James reaches for his knife, for the pain to bring him back. He contacts Jem because he's worried and has no idea what's going on or why it happened. I am so, so obsessed with this. I can't stress enough how much I relate to his whole shadow dilemma from a perspective of chronic illness. I am shaking you, reader. Please understand. I don't care how flawed this guy is or the fact that Clare might not have intended this interpretation, this is my form of projection like everyone else has theirs and it is so comforting to me, as someone who also struggles to feel in control of my own body, who exerts control over other things in other ways just to cope.

This is one line of consistency I draw from Goatface to Helen of Troy to the James of TLH. Now, moving on...

We see that in TMH that Will and Tessa have been trying to get through to James for ages to try and coax out of him what his problems are and why he is acting out. I discussed this once with an old writing partner, how when the Herondales learned of the Carstairs coming to London to save their reputation and required their help, that Will and Tessa likely approached James and demanded he be on his best behaviour so that they can help the Carstairs. For if the Herondales tried to help while James himself was out ruining his reputation, then the Carstairs would surely be doomed.

And so, we have the image of The Perfect Gentleman™ developed over the next few months ready for the arrival of Sona, Cordelia, and Alastair Carstairs in London. This coincides with the fact that over the summer (after the winter period when he had his wild streak and the spring when he would have been getting his heart and act together) he did not go to Idris to see Grace for the first time in years and the bracelet's hold on him was weakening significantly, which I believe, would mean less of the heightened hurt and insecurity surrounding the topic of love for at least a little while, because he would simply care about Grace (in a romantic sense) less. Who knows? Perhaps becoming the model gentleman was his form of revenge against Tatiana and others, because if he conforms and commits heavily to Shadowhunter society and the rules of propriety, then he cannot be faulted for his heritage so easily by that point. Plus, this is much easier to follow when he thinks he has total control over his shadow abilities at that point in time. For about six months, he can simply put it out of his mind (and get extra weird about interacting with Downworld and how he feels about it. This also brings me to a side tangent about how I think his interest in the occult is the little demon/magic intrigue he allows himself in private where only his friends are likely to be aware of the books he keeps. He says, if I recall correctly, at some point that he finds it fascinating what mundanes think of magic and how close or far they are from it sometimes, and I propose there's like this secret third thing to it about how he likes looking at magic and demonology from the perspective of a third party -- someone who is not Nephilim or of Downworlder origin, because it is the closest kinship he might find).

Also, let's not forget how much people in real life, let alone characters, can change over a period of time, much less several months to a year. I truly do not think his character is as inconsistent between books as it is made out to be. I think the real issue is that Clare left out elements of context that would have helped when characterising James and his journey, hashing out who he is and who he is not. I think another blog brought it up once, how TLH should have been multiple books and not just a trilogy. I agree, I think the dense character work would have benefitted from being more spaced out, particularly when exploring the bracelet in regard to James. Because the James after Chain of Gold especially feels rather like a blank slate that Cordelia is usually projecting upon. Which is valid. I have another theory about this, where the reason James was suddenly the It Guy at social gatherings was because he had "cleaned up his act" in the recent year and the bracelet meant that he was a blank canvas for the girls of the Enclave to project their desires onto. Perhaps it's an allosexual thing, but I know of myself and many others who tend to form crushes on people we know next to nothing about simply because they're beautiful and we make things up in our head based on what little knowledge we have, and the gaps are filled to suit. In Chain of Gold, it felt very purposeful, and the changes between James while wearing the bracelet as opposed to without was much more noticeable.

Genuinely, I think Clare dropped the ball once she got to Chain of Iron, and then dropped even further when writing Chain of Thorns. But still, for the sake of outlining the consistencies of James' character rather than the flaws, we'll ignore my personal frustration with those books and continue on.

We still see his insecurities manifest in various ways throughout TLH. Before we get to that, I'd like to point out that James remains clever throughout this series, always introverted even if he knows how to navigate social situations better now, forever a bookworm, loyal, but no longer so much of a people-pleaser as he seems much more prepared to be an adversary in any given situation as well as embrace rebellion, which I think gets overlooked a lot (do you see how quickly he goes "lock up your daughters and your greenhouses, James Herondale is on the loose and has a penchant for property damage etc." after getting in trouble in Chiswick? I swear, this guy had my heart in a chokehold). LIKE. CAN YOU NOT SEE IT? The way he is still the same guy we saw in TMH? His personality did not change so drastically that he is someone else -- it's still him! He's still there! He's just evolved over the months! And here we are, this is one such place where his insecurities are still pronounced, but in such a way where he tries to own it, to control it, once again.

And in spite of all the Herondale traits James definitely carries, he is still not the typical Herondale like Will and Jace or even some of the others we've seen. James is also Tessa and her trauma and Jem and his teachings and his father and his legacy, and he is influenced by disaster (hello? He was thirteen when he saw another dead kid? Got diagnosed with Greater-demon-for-a-grandfather? Has been brainwashed since fourteen?).

Remember how ready he was to believe he was a murderer? That's his insecurity and history talking. These horrible nightmares he's been having too. James tried so hard to be a hero, and yet he believes he inevitably ends up being someone against the heroes. He is surprised when Cordelia says he's the leader of the group because that's not how he sees himself. And this is what I find so fascinating about James. There's how other people see him, and many people see him differently, and then there's how he sees himself. (I will note that I find the idea of the Merry Thieves having any sort of leader laughable. I truly feel that's not how their group dynamic works. It felt like an excuse for Cordelia to fawn over him (as you do when you have a crush on someone) and have that weird shoe-horned on-the-nose moment where James goes to comfort Thomas and waves the others over when Barbara dies).

Most of what I have to talk about admittedly deals more with Chain of Gold, simply because kind of got lost between Chain of Iron and Chain of Thorns. He's still there, and I still see the strings of his personality, I think Clare just let some of his key character issues fade into the background. Also, I still only read Chain of Thorns once. I haven't been motivated to pick that one back up.

One thing I do like about Chain of Thorns though is that James was allowed to be the bad guy, even if it was via being a puppet for Belial. There was something almost cathartic about him crowning himself King of England. He didn't save the day; Cordelia did. James was merely fulfilling a prophecy he had made for himself.

Also, we don't get to see much of James without the bracelet. I think he's still trying to figure out who he is now that the curse is gone, then after Belial is gone and so are the main aspects of his warlock abilities. James has to redefine himself beyond many of the securities he held (so fucking mad that the "technically I did only love once because it was always Cordelia under the curse 🤪" happened because it would have made more sense for James to also break through that insecurity, but whatever).

In conclusion... um, this guy's just neat? I think he's beyond interesting. People who say he's boring and blank, I hear you, I just can't say I totally agree with you. He's my favourite character. I'll make all the excuses. I just wrote this to try and defeat the idea that his personality is inconsistent because I think it can be argued that it actually is not when you consider, well, all of the above. Anyway, I spent almost the whole day writing this. Whoops.

My other favourite characters are Matthew Fairchild, Cordelia Carstairs, Jem Carstairs, Magnus Bane, and Ragnor Fell. Love them all so much. I love a great many characters but these ones most of all.

Ships? Look, as much as I will criticise it and absolutely agree with other critiques of them, I love Jordelia. I project on and relate to both characters, what do you want from me. Also, I keep saying I have no faith in TWP and that I will not be actively seeking it out but... I do like Kit and Ty. Sue me. The drama is so delicious. For ages though, I've been wanting an equally juicy lesbian ship, I feel like the ones we have just... aren't it. You know? I think there was a missed opportunity in making Cordelia bisexual and a girl crush for Grace. OH BUT I ALSO LOVE GRACE AND LUCIE. SHUT UP, SHUT UP, I LOVE THEM. THEIR DYNAMIC COULD HAVE BEEN BRILLIANT.

Anyway, The End. That was a very long gush.

#james herondale #the last hours #tlh #tales from the shadowhunter academy #the midnight heir #tmh #herondale #character analysis #I have now thoroughly exposed myself and the amount of brainrot I experience over james herondale #a character who many share many complaints about #and complicated views #WARNING: very long post #this was an oddly healing exercise #I should ramble endlessly about things I love more often

32 notes · View notes