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lune-hime · 3 years

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Mosquito Huntress (Chocobros x f!Reader

I hate mosquitos, you hate mosquitos, we all hate mosquitos. This drabble is dedicated to the hundreds of mosquitos that died on my Korean dorm room wall at the hand of my left Adidas sandal :3.

Noct’s was inspired by true events.

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↞Noctis↠

It was the most horrendous sound. A sickeningly high pitched buzzing that vibrated among your ears at a rapid frequency. It pierced the veil of your dream and forcefully drop kicked you back into the waking world with a start. Just as you regained consciousness an electric clap in the darkness caused you to jolt, almost kicking the sleeping bag off your form. A shadow blocked out the dim moonlight that filtered through the ceiling of the tent.

Noctis’ eyes glowed like sapphires and shown with such an iridescence that meant he had just conjured up magic. Indeed, the clasped hands that were held a few inches above your head emitted a faint blue hue.

“Noct, what are you doing?” You drawled, the close proximity of the light within his palms to your face caused your eyes to squint in irritation.

“I got it.” He whispered victoriously, blinking a couple times in anticipation of your reaction.

“Got what?” You asked just as a large yawn engulfed you.

“The mosquito.” He grinned, shuffling to the door to the tent. He unzipped the zipper just enough for him to wiggle his hand outside, discarding the evil bug. Before you could speak up, Gladiolus’ violent snore ripped through the silence of the night from the far side of the tent. Prompto sleep-kicked the man in the stomach, offering a brief moment of tranquility before the disturbance would inevitably make a comeback.

“Did it die a painful death?” Your voice was devoid of sympathy and the seriousness on your face made Noctis chuckle as he sat cross legged next to you.

“I zapped it before it could land on your face. It died a quick death, sadly.” He stated in a hushed tone, gently brushing flyaway hairs from your forehead.

“What a shame. Still, well done.” You praised, reaching up to give his cheek a few lazy pats. He leaned into your touch, so much so that your drowsy limb flopped down onto the ground.

“What were you dreaming about?” He inquired softly. He was uncharacteristically chatty at this time of night for a boy who needed at least two naps daily.

“I was being serenaded by a beautiful man.” You grumbled. You were still peeved you were abruptly whisked away from the gentle, moonlit guitar strums and the man’s ethereal voice.

“As beautiful as in real life?” Noctis mused his lips curling into a smug smile. Your eyebrows knit in confusion.

“The man from my dream is real?” Your fatigued features contorted as your half asleep brain actually contemplated being able to manifest dreams into reality.

Noctis scooted so close to you that his leg was bushing against your side. He leaned down and stopped when his face was centimeters from your own, whips of his hair feathering your cheeks.

“He’s right here.” Noct stated lowly, his tone as smooth as the sea that resided within his eyes. Their serene waves were beginning to lull you to sleep.

“No he's not. Ignis is on the other side of the tent.” You replied cheekily, now unable to keep your eyelids from falling. Before Noctis could respond you tugged on the fabric of his tee shirt and dragged him back down into the sleeping bag. You may have been exhausted but you always had enough energy to tease your prince.

↞Prompto↠

It was hot. Painfully hot. The kind of hot that once the humid air left a wet kiss on your exposed skin it clung to your form and every surface in the sun-exposed living room. The heat was slowly sizzling you alive and you were beginning to feel like a shrimp in a hot pot. A blonde shrimp was nestled atop of you, pressing your clammy body further into the plush sofa. His gentle puffs of steamy breath seared your neck and his limbs encircled you, involuntarily incubating you. The electric chattering of the fan and the low hum of the unattended television masked the otherwise curdled silence of the room.

Slowly rising from your slumber just as the sun was rising in the morning sky, you became fully aware of just how sweltering you were. And no matter how much you loved cuddling with your sunshine, he needed to get off of you otherwise you would dissolve into a pool of sweat. Wiggling around under him, you groaned when he clasped onto you tighter, burying his face further into the crook of your neck. You gave an exasperated sigh and now felt even stickier than before. You began to push him off once more, this time a bit more forcefully, when you saw it. The unwanted visitor stood out against the pale skin of his back like Gladiolus at your high school dances.

So you did the only thing you could do to ensure it wouldn’t escape. You smacked his back. Hard . The clap of skin on skin resounded through the apartment and caused a few pigeons to anxiously fly off their perch outside of the windowsill. The rapid flapping of wings was immediately followed by Prompto’s squirrel like squeak.

“WHAT’S WRONG?” His voice ascended to octaves that seemed impossible to reach. He was now very awake, disoriented, and in pain. He shot up to straddle you, sinking back onto your hips and reaching up to clutch the point of impact. There was a deep red mark already blossoming on his shoulder blade. Your eyes held pity until you saw the tiny daemon dust the skin of his upper arm.

“PROMPTO ITS ON YOUR ARM!” Your manic tone only skyrocketed Prompto’s anxiety. He recoiled when you leaned over to deliver another powerful hit. The poor boy was trying to grasp if he was still asleep and experiencing a nightmare.

“WHAT ARE WE AFRAID OF AND WHY DO YOU KEEP TRYING TO HIT ME?” He exclaimed on the verge of tears.

“MOSQUITO!” You rapidly pointed to just below the sleeve of his tank top, the dark spot illuminated by the warm bands of sunlight. Prompto let out a sound resembling a duck being squeezed.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU WARN ME SOONER?” His limbs were in a jelly-like frenzy as they slapped every exposed surface on his body. In the fray, it had strategically darted away from the hurricane of body parts but made its appearance once again when the storm had calmed.

“IT’S ON YOU NOW!” Prompto wailed, causing your eyes to grow wide.

“WELL THEN GET IT OFF ITS GOING TO SUCK MY BLOOD!”

“I DON'T WANT TO HIT YOU.” He whined, shifting apprehensively in his seat. He brought his hand inches from where the mosquito rested on your clavicle but hesitated before the glistening skin.

“I HIT YOU BEFORE ITS OKAY, IT EVENS OUT!” You encouraged, scooching closer to him so your knees touched. You craned your neck to give him a larger area to work with.

Reluctantly, Prompto’s palm came into contact with your collarbone a little too gently. You shot him an amused smirk.

“That was weak.” You said. He rolled his eye and when he removed his hand, the mosquito had been vanquished. You both exhaled a steamy sigh of relief.

Suddenly there was a brisk knocking at your door. After exchanging wide eyes, Prompto padded to the entryway. Before opening it, he discarded the carcass into the trash bin and gave his hands a few thorough wipes against his sweatpants.

A very tiny, unamused woman was standing in the hall. A lit cigarette hung lax from her right hand while the other rested on her hip. He blinked a couple times, unsure of what to say.

“Do I need to call the police or is yelling ‘It’s okay, hit me’ a kink of yall’s?” She said as more of a statement than a question, her voice gravelly. When she exhaled, a large puff of smoke blew into Prompto’s now reddened face. He tried to dodge it unsuccessfully and coughed before explaining.

“Uh, no, to both. We’re fine. We were just-” Prompto started, struggling to battle the creeping mortification brought on by the woman’s assumption. She abruptly held up her hand, cigarette dangerously close to Prompto’s mussed bangs, and turned to walk back to her apartment.

“I don’t need a detailed description of what you like to do in bed. Just keep it down.” She imparted, her voice cracking like and unpaved road, leaving Prompto a sputtering mess.

A week later, the whole floor of the apartment complex was convinced you and Prompto had an affinity for bug and bug killer role play. It would take you several months to live this down.

↞Ignis↠

“Darling come to bed.” Ignis’ command was more of a sweet invite than an instruction as he was far too drained for anything else. It had been a longer day than usual at the Citadel and all poor Ignis wanted to do was feel the sweet embrace of sleep.

“No.” You retorted stubbornly, not wavering from your defensive post next to the bookshelf. There was no way you would be able to go to bed with that thing watching you, waiting until the vulnerability of sleep overtook you so it could feast upon your blood.

“Please.” He pleaded, his level tone turning into a slight whine by the end. This was the seventeenth time he had asked you. Yes, Ignis was keeping count.

“No, not until it tastes my blade.” You spat, eyes narrowing as you tried to focus in on the tiny intruder’s location.

“You are unarmed my dear.” Ignis’ lips curled into a smile. He discarded his book on his lap and resigned to watching your antics. If he couldn’t stop you, he might as well enjoy the scene before him.

“My hands are my blade.” Your statement was quickly drowned out by a yelp as the mosquito fluttered off the wall. Your body contorted in ways Ignis never knew it could to avoid any possible contact with the creature as it floated a little too close for your liking.

Ignis snorted at your response, lightly biting his bottom lip to swallow a chuckle. You looked more focused on killing this spec of dust than you did hunting a coeurl. No matter how silly the situation was, the glint of determination in your eye and over exaggerated reactions had Ignis regarding you with adoration. He adjusted his position against the headboard, satin sheets pooling softly downward to reveal his bare chest. His hair was still damp and mussed from his shower and thin frames laid low on the bridge of his nose. If you weren’t so preoccupied by the mosquito you surely would have been more than distracted by his appearance.

You circled the room and randomly hit any surface that harbored any substance that vaguely resembled a mosquito. When you accidentally slapped your thigh instead of the side of the wardrobe Ingis’ melodic laugh broke the tense air. You shot him a glare that could melt ice and stuck out your tongue.

Just as he was going to coerce with you once again, the small creature buzzed just under the rim of his glasses. He silently followed the bug with his eyes until it landed on the nightstand next to the bed.

“It’s over here.” Ignis gave you the tip, gesturing to the tiny dot resting on the mahogany.

“Smack it!” You screeched, excitement flooding your veins at the proposition of a peaceful night’s sleep.

“No.” Ignis said smoothly. He was always one to push your buttons. Even though he could end this ridiculous hunt with a single swipe of his palm, he felt teasing was a much more entertaining option. You gasped at his betrayal.

“You’re the one who wants it dead, not me.” Ignis responded innocently, a playful smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Come on, the minute its dead I’ll come to bed.” You pouted, attempting to bribe him with cuteness. Ignis shook his head and pursed his lips. It took everything in him not to start laughing again.

“But I’m so comfortable.” He dragged out each syllable, flopping down and spreading out so he took up the entire surface of the bed. His eyes resembled the greenery of rolling hills against the horizon as they regarded you from under his eyelashes. They almost made you forget about the task at hand. Letting out an annoyed whine, you turned your attention once again to your prey.

You thanked your crownsguard training for the lightness of your feet as they padded silently against the wood floorboards until you were within smacking distance. The moment your hand met the nightstand with a satisfying crack, a triumphant smile spread across your face. There was no way it could have survived that hit.

“I take that as a fresh kill?” Ignis questioned and propped himself up on his elbow.

“Yes, add another to my kill count.” You turned towards him, still beaming, and held up your palm to show him the bounty of your hunt. You playfully shoved your hand near his face, giggling when he struggled to push you away. He laughed, grimacing when it got a little too close to his cheek.

“Lovely, darling. Now go wash your hand and let's go to bed.”

↞Gladiolus↠

The air conditioning revved to life with three crisp clicks once your sweaty fingers tiredly turned the dial to the max setting. Your corner of the vast training room was now gradually flooding with a frosty breeze that prickled your clammy skin with delightful icicles. A satisfied sigh left your parted lips, thankful to be relieved from the stickiness of hand to hand combat. Your butt was practically glued to the bench as you let the polar vortex cool you down. The grunts of other training Crownsguard members and the slams of bodies hitting the padded mats were muffled by the pulsing in your ears as you gingerly patted the sweat from your neck and face with a towel. A few paces from you Prompto laid sprawled out on the floor, his chest heaving with heavy breaths.

“Don’t get moody, Prompto. She manages to overpower me half the time too.” Gladiolus nudged the deflated blonde with the toe of his boot and flashed you a cheeky grin.

“I know, I know. But the only one I’m ever able to take down besides the new trainees is Noct.” Prompto sighed dramatically.

“Well, that’s not a challenge at all.” Gladiolus snorted and passed you a water bottle, the condensation feeling lovely against your clammy palms.

“He might be easy, but he cheats by warping.” You added, rising from your seat to stand directly in front of the air con. The rush of cool wind felt heavenly on your back.

“Exactly.” There was no emotion in Prompto’s voice. He turned his head agonizingly slowly to look at you, gaze empty. You choked on your mouthful of water at his melodrama.

After taking a few generous swigs from his own water bottle, Gladiolus sauntered over towards you. Rather than standing next to you, like you expected, he grabbed your arms and moved to stand behind you. The action stole the euphoria of the synthetic wind and you whined in protest. He stretched his arms out on your shoulders and rested his chin atop your head.

“Well lately the only one who’s been kicking my ass is Iris. Besides the Marshall, of course.” You coughed as you wiped the droplets of water from your chin with the back of your hand. A giggle bubbled from your chest when you felt Gladiolus tense.

“Oh yeah, she’s getting good. It took her even less time to take the big guy down last week.” Prompto chuckled, vitality slowly flooding back into his system. Gladiolus visibly shuddered and released you from his hold to walk back over to the mat.

“She’s getting too good.” He mumbled as he rolled his shoulders.

“You wanna fight her next time instead of me, Prom?” You suggested jokingly. Gladiolus snickered, making Prompto faintly kick in Gladio’s general direction.

“No thank you. I’ll stick to the 15 year olds and Noctis.” He huffed as he pulled himself off the ground. His movements were like a piece of tape being tugged off of the floor painstakingly slowly. Once Prompto had vacated the training space, Gladiolus threw you a playful grin. He got into a fighting stance, his knees bent and arms angled for combat.

“Ready for our spar, baby?”

"Wait." You stated, attention on the corner of the air conditioner. Gladiolus squinted in the direction of your gaze.

"I will NOT train with this uninvited guest watching me." You declared, slowly rounding the corner of the machine. Prompto let out a quiet huh while Gladiolus shook his head.

“She really hates mosquitoes, doesn’t she?” Prompto asked rhetorically, fanning the sweat from his face with his hands. Gladiolus smiled fondly when you untied your shoe and attempted to use it as a killing device.

"Mhm. Honestly, I think her determination is pretty adorable." Gladiolus responded, not taking his eyes off you.

"Gladdy-" You whined when your target flew too high for your hands to reach. “I need your help.”

You beckoned him over with haste and he padded over with an amused glint in his eyes.

"Give me a boost, it's too high for me to reach." You tapped his shoulders and gestured for him to get down.

“What do I get in return?” He asked rather innocently. Your eyebrows shot up, expecting something more suggestive.

“I’ll treat you and Prompto to ramen when we’re done here.” You proposed, holding the shoe at eye level.

“Hell yeah!” Prompto cheered from the towel rack.

“Done.” Gladio hummed in excitement and knelt down so you could climb onto his shoulders. Gladio maneuvered you as close to the metal box as he could without ramming your knees into the side. You smacked the top hard with the sole of your shoe and turned it over for inspection.

“Hah! Die, bitch.” You roared happily, pressing a triumphant kiss to the top of his head. He squeezed your thighs in return and lowered you to the ground.

“My little mosquito hunter.” He cooed, smushing your cheeks together. “Now come on, let’s get this spar over with so I can get some free ramen.”

"Fine, but if I win Prompto has to fight Iris next week." You smirked.

“Sounds like a deal.” He agreed, winking at you as he got into position.

“This isn’t consensual!” Prompto’s protests were quickly forgotten in the throws of combat.

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warsofasoiaf · 3 years

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Character Analysis: Jon Irenicus

Irenicus is a fun villain, and I think nailed one interesting element of writing down, that of bringing down the villain’s threat in an interesting and believable way. The hero typically grows in power in any story, not just in a game where your progression is literally your XP, but what the villain does, how they grow, is also interesting. If the villain is more powerful than the hero, and also does things to grow and learn, theoretically the villain should still be wrecking house. BG2 wove this into the story itself, where the more you learned about Irenicus, the less menacing he became, culminating into where he was arguably your lesser at the end: he was powerful but only aping what you were.

Obviously, spoilers for BG2 abound.

Baldur’s Gate II introduces us to our villain almost as a cold open. Fresh off the high of defeating Sarevok, you leave Baldur’s Gate after being pressured to leave by “dark forces” and by those who suspected that you shared similar heritage to Sarevok. Seems a bit odd, honestly, to oust the Bhaalspawn with suspicion given that during the course of Baldur’s Gate I, you saved two of the Grand Dukes. It’s certainly understandable that folks would fear your heritage and you’d want to move on to greener pastures, but something more than a 3-minute cut scene would have probably set the scene better.

However, this opening, and the ‘cutscene’ that follows gives Irenicus a grand initial reveal to the player. This guy is an ultra-powerful wizard, and he speaks with a clinical detachment as he states: “It’s time for more experiments.” It’s a wonderful opening to illustrate exactly what you’re dealing with. He’s clearly interested in your godly soul, and exploiting it to some unknown purpose. What is unknown, as he gets called away by some unspecified intruders by a golem. In the next scene, magical traps are set off as an unspecified Shadow Thief gets disintegrated. Story-wise, this serves no purpose, it’s purely meant to be a way to show off the new spell effects and other cosmetic changes to the engine from Baldur’s Gate II, with the disintegration dust and the screen shaking. But it does help illustrate the power level that Irenicus is throwing around. Save-or-die spells were relatively rare in the lower level of Baldur’s Gate I, even Semaj, Sarevok’s mage companion, wasn’t firing off disintegration willy-nilly. Throwing around disintegration spells clearly shows that Irenicus is a new high-level baddy. Later we see that he killed characters from Baldur’s Gate I off-screen, Khalid and Dynahier, two of the three sets of paired companions from BG1. This gives their partners reason to join in with the player character, but it also serves to show his power; Irenicus is such a bad dude that he can wipe your party before the game starts, like he was getting coffee. It might be a cruel cut, but that’s its intent, to make the player character mad at the villain, to want to punch his smarmy face in.

Commensurate in the danger of Irenicus is the need to find out what’s going on. Irenicus clearly knows something about your godly soul and so you want to find out what he knows. Even for an upstanding lawful good character, growing in power means finding a way to effect good on a larger scale, and perhaps to overcome the evil in your tainted blood. After all, no matter how good you were in Baldur’s Gate I, you still were an incredibly powerful killer. Sure, most if not all of them were bad dudes, Mulahey the iron ore poisoner, the bandits of Cloakwood, the Iron Throne and their plans to take over the Sword Coast. But chaos and destruction follow in your wake, and that chaos undoubtedly would hurt innocent civilians; Saradush in Throne of Bhaal is clear of that enough. Even just knowing more about what is going on could better prepare you for the next Irenicus or the next Sarevok.

When you go through the starter dungeon (another piece of game design, you are being tutorialized but the pastoral instruction of Candlekeep makes no sense for someone who already had an adventure), pieces of the man start to fall into place. He holds a bunch of captive dryads as concubines to remind him of someone he lost. He keeps an immaculate bedroom for a companion that is never there, with an alarm ready to dispatch the golems to kill any who cross the threshold. There’s a woman that was in his life that is no longer there, and the loss pains him, or at least, it seems that it should. Chatter with Imoen and the dryads show that this mystery man is trying to elicit feelings that he had lost, and that’s an entirely different case of worms than pining over a lost love. There’s some element of almost-unwilling psychopathy to these actions. Other hints in this dungeon illustrate this as well. His servants, discarded in vats and forgotten about entirely, would at first evoke classical evil overlords casually disregarding their own subjects. He’s almost all of the way there, but there’s enough there that the player is suggested that there has to be something more to it than that. He does seem to have some sort of sociopathy to him, where people are objects that he can find fascinating but he has no empathy. We see this later with Wanev, who Irenicus spares solely because he was hit by a spell that left him a lunatic, which Irenicus found funny, the administrator of a jail for the insane now rendered an insane patient himself.

He is powerful though, that much is clear when you break out of the starter dungeon. His display of magic collapsed part of Waukeen’s Promenade, and when the regulatory magical body of the Cowled Wizards comes to shut it down, Irenicus is capable of swatting mages like they were mosquitos. Just like the Shadow Thieves that he had been fighting, Irenicus seems more annoyed at the interruptions than any physical threat posed by his myriad foes. He’s definitely a powerful wizard, and when he finally submits to the Cowled Wizards, he does so clearly as their superior, dragging Imoen along with him. It’s fairly plain from a game design perspective what Irenicus is doing; he’s going to Spellhold so you have to get there. Good characters want to rescue Imoen, evil characters want to interrogate him to unlock the power in your blood. Either way, the player character is given a goal, and Irenicus disappears physically from the story for the moment.

He isn’t absent though. In your dreams, Jon Irenicus waxes philosophical at the player character, evoking thought-provoking questions. He explains the paradox of your existence of being born of murder, given life from the act of taking life. He speaks about accepting the gifts that will be given to you, regardless of whether or not you want them. These dream sequences are clear upgrades in quality and presentation from the spoken-dialogue text boxes from the first game after you beat major milestones. David Warner does a great job here in delivering Irenicus’s lines, he feels like a evil mentor speaking about philosophical topics with the same detachment that he tortured the player character with in the opening. While we find out later that these dreams aren’t sendings from Irenicus but rather parts of your character’s godly subconscious, they suggest to the player going through Chapter 3 that Irenicus does indeed know a hell of a lot more about you and your godly blood, keeping the player interesting in finding out exactly what it is you need to find out. The other quests in Chapter Three don’t have much to do with Irenicus, aside from some random events with the guild war in Athkatla at night, where the player will find out pretty quick that one side is powered by vampires, the level drain and click-dialogue of “your blood is rather inviting” isn’t exactly hiding that there be vampires engaged in a secret war with the Shadow Thieves. Even then, it’s tangential. You knew the Shadow Thieves were attacking Irenicus, which suggests at least some level of camaraderie with the vampires, but as we saw with the deep dwarves in Irenicus’s lair, he doesn’t care about followers, and they might simply be disposable assets if anything at all. If you want to know about Irenicus, you’re going to have to get it from the man himself.

Of course, as befits a high-level mage, Irenicus breaks out of the prison in a cutscene, kills the Cowled Wizards and goes back to whatever unsavory plans he thought up for Imoen, teleporting into the lobby and chewing the scenery with his “I CANNOT BE CAGED!” speech, reinforcing his position as the central big bad and confirming the Cowled Wizards as mere obstacles. This part of his plan has been made clear. Far from the meddling Shadow Thieves and Cowled Wizards, Irenicus can continue his experiments on Imoen in Spellhold, and it falls on the player character to go there and end it. Irenicus, of course, knows this too, and he makes sure he has contingency plans to deliver you to him. I’m of three minds on this. On one, he’s so powerful it seems that he is so powerful, and Amn so large, that plenty of these isolated areas within the continent would service just as well for Irenicus’s lair. Why waste time with all of this blah-blah-blah and just take what he wants? It’s not like teleport spells are beyond his ken. On the other hand, it’s a good way to break up into the freeform quest design that Chapter Three gives, offers the chance for your characters to level up and get cool gear, lets you rock the stronghold quests which definitely let you feel your class and increase replay value, and the idea of the forbidding wizard in the island lair is an excellent backdrop. On the third, it’s in-character for an immortal mage to have plans within plans, even to the point of complexity addiction, although his conduct afterward sort of torpedoes this idea.

That is, after he recaptures you, he immediately goes back to work to his experiments, and after another trippy dream sequence with Imoen, you find his plan. His goal is to absorb your divine soul, taking it for his own. He doesn’t explain anything more, but now that he has you, he discards you just as he has so many others. Telling his sister Bodhi to dispose of you is what keeps him from being someone like the Riddler, since he’s actually going for a proper smart villain play and killing the soulless husk he leaves behind just in case he pulls a protagonist move and comes clawing back for his stolen soul. It’s Bodhi’s instability, her desire to hunt you brought on by her vampirism, that keeps you alive. After the player character becomes the Slayer, Bodhi tells Irenicus, but true to his condescending nature, he simply...ignores the PC, writing them off as someone who is going to keel over any second due to their lack of soul, completely oblivious to the fact that Bhaal’s avatar was the Slayer, and it’s clear that something is replacing the void that he left within you. The PC must effectively turn that dismissiveness against him, by releasing the imprisoned mages within Spellhold, from the powerful but mostly harmless Dili to the megalomaniacal Tiax. Yet this hard-fought battle does not end with Irenicus’s death and your victory, instead Irenicus goes to pursue his other, as-yet unknown goals while he sends another band of cutthroats to die at your hand.

Yoshimo is sort of my feelings on this Irenicus’s Spellhold plot writ small. As powerful as Irenicus is, he really doesn’t need Yoshimo, not if he has Sarmon Havarian and so many others. Yoshimo shows up in the starter dungeon, and is useful if a bit obsequious in a “who me?” sort of fashion. He doesn’t have a really good reason to stay with the party from a story reason that he gives you. He could have said: “Hey, thanks for getting me out. Deuces!” Yoshimo’s geas gets him to want to stay with the party, otherwise he’s dead. In that sense, it makes sense for him to want to be with the group. And as the only thief who gains levels aside from the absolutely annoying Jan Jansen, he’s useful for dealing with annoying traps, because reloading a game because your main PC tripped a trap and got petrified is certainly frustrating. Game mechanics though, interfere with this. You as the player character have control over the six-person party and if you want Yoshimo to be there, he’ll be there, and if you don’t, he’ll sit in the Copper Coronet, geas be damned. He’ll stand right there until you go back in after the Underdark chapter, in which case he flops over dead and hardly anyone cares. That’s a system engine limitation certainly, but it’s remarkably clumsy. What is good though, is Yoshimo’s regret during this. He knows he has to betray you and is forced to do so, and he genuinely likes you. The writing that happens is crisp, Yoshimo truly does apologize and Irenicus backs up his dismissive assholery by telling him to shut up. When Yoshimo confronts you in Spellhold, his writing is crisp. “No redemption, and no second chances. My heart to Ilmater.” He fights you and goes down swinging (which was annoying the first time I played because he had the Celestial Fury +3). And you can actually take that heart to Ilmater, occupying a valuable inventory space through the next chapters until you can reach Waukeen’s Promenade again, where you can choose to forgive him or not, but give the heart to Ilmater either way. It would have been saccharine to restore Yoshimo, but this way, I feel, is more powerful in a world with such powerful enchantments to see the effects on the people whose lives it ruins. So the game can be clunky at parts, and Irenicus can be as well, but there’s true craft and joy in it.

Back to Irenicus though, we get the sense of more to him when we see the intro splash screen for the next Chapter. Making a dark bargain with the drow, we see that they have captured surface elves, one of whom immediately refers to Irenicus as Joneleth, suggesting a backstory far deeper as Irenicus immediately resorts to killing the prisoner after being the one to suggest interrogation instead of immediate execution, a lashing out that seems out of character for the clinically-detached evil villain we’ve been coming to know. The backstory is clear in the Forgotten Realms, the dark elves and surface elves are mortal foes and anyone who is known to the surface elves to ally with the dark elves is a great betrayal. As the PC goes through the Underdark and comes out, they are captured by the surface elves. Through a conversation with Eldoth, it can become evident that the surface elves know more than they are letting on, such as when they are the ones who suggest holy water and stakes to fight Bodhi, despite not knowing anything about either one of them. After you slay Bodhi and restore Imoen’s soul to its rightful place, you can call Eldoth out on it. Irenicus is “the Shattered One,” an exile of the elves, and it’s here that Irenicus’s story becomes apparent.

Irenicus was a powerful wizard and lover of Queen Ellesime named Joneleth. Yet in his heart, Joneleth yearned for more power and sought to take the essence of the Tree of Life, the lifeblood of the city of Suldanesselar, for himself and Bodhi. This dark ritual nearly killed many that existed within Suldanesselar, and so Joneleth and Bodhi were punished, stripping their elven nature and immortality away from them, leaving them with a mortal lifespan, thus Joneleth became Jon Irenicus, the Shattered One. Bodhi sought to become a vampire to transgress the mortal years she had, but Jon had felt that it degraded her to that of a high-functioning beast. Irenicus’s scheme was far more grandiose if also possessing an elegant simplicity: he lost an immortal soul and so he needed to take one for himself. The Bhaalspawn was the perfect choice, powerful enough to defeat Sarevok and awaken the power within, weak enough to be captured and have the divine soul snatched away. With his stolen soul freshly acquired, Irenicus now looked to the second part of himself, to revenge himself on the elves. The dark elf invasion ultimately failed, helped out by the PC butchering the leadership of Ust Natha, but Irenicus is still going with golems and summoned demons to destroy the city, usurp the power of the Tree of Life, and complete his long ago schemes.

I... I do not remember your love, Ellesime. I have tried. I have tried to recreate it, to spark it anew in my memory, but it is gone... a hollow, dead thing. For years, I clung to the memory of it. Then the memory of the memory. And then nothing. The Seldarine took that from me, too. I look upon you and feel nothing. I remember nothing but you turning your back on me, along with all the others. Once my thirst for power was everything. And now I hunger only for revenge. And I... WILL... HAVE IT!!

When confronted by Queen Ellesime, she even asks if there was any part of him that remembered the love he had for her, and the PC sees that it’s her that was in his mind for the beautiful bedroom way back in chapter one. It was almost certainly her that Irenicus thought of when he was with his dryad concubines. And when she poses that question, he answers with the above quote, that he feels nothing. While it seems like this is a loss of depth, that he’s just a flat character, I don’t think this is the case. Irenicus had the chance to change, for self-reflection. Instead, he remembers it as all the others turning their back on him, without any recognition that his schemes nearly killed them. It’s the classic abuser mentality, how dare you make me do these things to you. When his victims tried to defend themselves, he lashed out and remembers only their ‘cruelty’ to him. It’s this that makes Irenicus, for all his great arcane might, so small. Where before he was this intimidating figure, now he’s a petty man, and fittingly, it’s here that you can kill him. Temporarily, at least, because there’s still one more dungeon. Irenicus and you are still battling for your divine soul, and after a few self-reflective quests of your own, you duel Irenicus, who dies pitiably, torn to shreds by demons as his power fails him. It fits the heroic and thematic heft of the arc. As you grow in power, Irenicus diminishes in threat. He was your torturer, an inhuman menace, then he became just a man, torn apart by tiny demons that you probably could take down by the truckload.

There’s good things to learn here. Irenicus isn’t a super-unique villain, although some of the villain tropes are personalized for the sake of the Baldur’s Gate story specifics. But he does his job admirably. David Warner’s voice work, and the special effects (pretty good for when the game came out in 2000) really was able to sell Irenicus as an enjoyable villain.

Thanks for the suggestions, Anons who were looking forward to this.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

#baldur's gate ii #jon irenicus #character analysis

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momo-de-avis · 5 years

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Hogwarts School of Bloodsucking Bifes

A Harry Potter and Twilight fanfic by someone who’s read neither.

Chapter 1

Once upon a time there lived a boy under the stairs in a house in London with his cruel aunt and stupid uncle and even stupider cousin, because nobody liked him. His name was Edward and he had a very peculiar skin condition: he glowed under the sun! No one knew why, but sure aunt Esme had a great time showcasing the little boy to all her friends on her weekly trip to Macy’s, like a panda bear mating on a zoo.

Then one day, there was a knock on the door. Aunt Esme answered quite begrudgingly---the intruder having ruined her third peaceful rerun of Dowton Abbey---and found in front of her an abnormally large man (as in, disproportionately big, not fat, you fat-shaming twats) with hair falling down his shoulders like a 70s rock band drop out, because he also looked like my retired music teacher uncle with a paunch and mustard staining his shirt.

“Who the hell are ye?” Aunt Esme barked, as furious as a housewife who forgot the iron on her best silk nightgown, ready to go back to a gigantic triangular hole right on the left tit.

The man bowed a bit too much, like a drunken lad of 65 years old trying to pick up divorcees on Happy Hour at the local pub who thought he was just acting like-in-the-old-days. “Hello there, ma’am. My name’s Charlie Swan, and I am here to tell that little one right there—” he pointed at the pair of eyes ogling the big fella like a kid on Sunday church mass, “—about the Hogwarts School for Vampires!”

Aunt Esme’s eyes glowed in confusion. “Are ye a fookin’ Jehovah’s Witness or sumthin’?”

“I am not, ma’am.” He called the little one. “Have ye ever wondered, Edward, why does your skin glow in the sunlight?”

“Because my mommy dank a lot of tequila when she was pregnant with me. Aunt Esme says it’s the salt and lemon mix.”

Aunt Esme smiled proudly.

“No, Eddy boy. Yer a Vampire.”

“WOT does that mean, sir?” The boy asked, in the tone of a cockney orphan who wiped chimneys for a living and smelled of ass, straight out of a Dickens novel.

The older lad’s eyes widened like a priest’s on catechesis. “It means your place isn’t here, with your aunt and uncle. But in the Hogwarts School of Blood Sucking Bifes!”

“That sounds a bit pervy, but I live under a fucking stairwell in the broom closet, so what the fuck, mate, sign me up.”

Aunt Esme raised a hand like a traffic officer, alerted at this unexpected development. “Now, hold on a moment! Ye can’t just come in here and sweep kids away like a fookin’ catholic priest.” She paused for a moment to think. “Do I get a pound out of it or what?”

Slightly dumbfounded, but not all surprised given the appearance of the lady—curlers keeping her hair tightly rolled, cigarette dangling from the corner of her mouth and a robe stained with ketchup, cigarette holes and what Charlie hoped to God was cake batter. He paused as well to think about it. “Yeah,” he said. “Sure, why not. Just write to the headmistress and ask for your money or something, who gives a shit, I’m not getting paid for playing little kid’s valet anyway.”

Aunt Esme shrugged, took a drag of her cigarette and turned around to leave. The older fella grabbed little Edward by the hand and took him across the doorway. As soon as he stood outside and the sun shined on his skin---marble-white and dead looking, like Madame Bovary high on arsenic---a million sparkles glinted like a cheap Swarovski sculpture, the kinds you buy second-hand online and realize is just polished glass.

“Well damn me,” Charlie said. “That is tacky to see.”

“So this,” Edward said, looking down at his arms, the glowing skin nearly blinding him, “this is why I am a Vampire? How come I haven’t needed blood until now?”

“Oh you drank a lot of blood, mate. Your aunt makes a fine Cabidela Rice.”

“My whole life?”

“Your whole life.”

“That soggy oat-meal-like shit I was fed on the chair when I was just a wee baby, that was Cabidela Rice?”

“Indeed, little one.”

He frowned, disgusted at a swarm of memories. “Well damn.” However, Edward didn’t really care that much. “Does that mean I have to kill to survive?”

“Not really. You see, your lot would be called vegetarian vampires. You drink blood from chickens and cows and the like.”

Little Edward snorted. “That really doesn’t sound vegetarian at all, you know.”

“They don’t have to die.”

“Yeah, but I’m still feeding off their living organism and that defeats the purpose of vegetarianism entirely so like, maybe call it something else?”

“Like what?”

He shrugged. “Paleo-diet vampires.”

Charlie sighed, keeping to himself the thought that the little fella was, despite the greatness expected of him, quite fucking dumb, and slapped him in the back with a very hard pat that nearly sent him flying chin down on the pavement. “Well, keep your smart ass in place, because Dumbledore will explain everything to you! Now, hop on!”

Charlie tapped his back with a bare hand like good-old perv, and shrugging, thinking he’d seen worse at his own home like on the days his uncle drew a smiley face on his belly and pretended it was a chap called Manolo and went around the house flapping it pretending to be a mouth as he made voices, he hopped on his back. Immediately, Charlie gave a step back and charged off, running so fast Edward swallowed a harsh gulp of air, three flies and one mosquito, but kept still. And Charlie’s legs moved swiftly, like a really cheap CGI animation because nobody in this fucking story thought of fucking bats. Fucking BATS, Stephanie.

☞ Chapter 1

Chapter 2

#the worst fanfic you will ever read #I dont even wanna tag this as 'my writing'#a part of me sincerely regrets this shit

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rixxy8173571m3w1p3 · 5 years

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Out Of The Woods (2/?)

This multi chap fic has been one that I've wanted to write for a while. I'm hoping to connect a few loose ends, since my series is getting closer to the end. Don't worry, I still got a couple of fics left in me. I'd love to thank @xerxezra whose conversations with me are always inspirational. I'd also like to thank @dorkydisappointment whose writing got my creative juice flowing and @hoodoo12 who continues to inspire me all the time.

Reference to the crystal necklace a can be found in my fic The Language Of Flowers and to safety measures in Sentimental Reasons. And finally, references to the woman in Ricks journal is from What You Found Amongst The Pages. I know, that was shameless self promotion ;P

If you haven't read part 1, then heres a link (Read Chapter 1)

In this fic the reader tries to uncover the mystery of the artist behind Zeta-7s portrait.

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Chapter 2: The Girl Who Loved Him Before

You couldn't sleep. It wasn't so much the bed, which was much harder than the one you had back home, but your thoughts. Ugh, why couldn't you just turn your brain off? If you could, then maybe you wouldn't be up at 2 in the morning questioning your life choices; that or it was because you were in an unfamiliar place.

You thought of taking out your laptop to type out the draft for a new story idea you had, or to take another sedative, but you decided that maybe you could read one of the magazines you saw on the coffee table instead. Carefully, you cracked the door to your room open, checked to see if the coast was clear before you tiptoed towards the living room. Next to the couch, was a rustic coffee table created out of an old tree trunk; on it were coasters made from a young pine. Next to the pile of coasters were old science fiction magazines; all of them older than yourself. And since you couldn't find the book you saw earlier, you picked up the stack and slipped back into your room.

Just like you did when you were a kid, you hid under the duvet with a flashlight. Each magazine was in its own sleeve, and you shuffled through them until you found a hand full you liked. The one with Gort on the cover had original stories that had been sent in by fans; your favorite being The Day The Earth Stood Stupefied, which was a story about how Gort and Klaatu managed to control the masses with charisma and Rock n Roll. Another one had a series of stories which revolved around a lonely dendrologist, who alienated everyone he knew in his pursuit of knowledge; whose increased disdain for humans had led him to madness; a marriage to the forest, and whose offspring walked the earth, searching for their place in the world. The other magazines turned out to be comic books, laced with outdated tropes and humorous ads for sea monkeys and x-ray goggles. Though, the one that interested you most was the small booklet for a funeral home.

Strange, why would this be here?

You pulled the covers down, glanced at the door just to make sure it wouldn't open before you hid again, and flipped through the booklet. From different burial arrangements to simple and ornate caskets, you assumed that either he helped with a burial or had planned one. Poor man. You placed it back in the middle of the stack where you had found it and returned the lot of it to its original place. Maybe trying to write might help quiet your brain after all.

____________________

You woke up; the cause being from the sounds which came from outside. Slipping your feet into some slippers, you stepped out of your bedroom, finding that Rick was neither in his room, kitchen, or living room. The noises got louder and seemed to be coming from the back of the house. So feeling brave, because you could totally take care of yourself, you grabbed the silly dancing moose statue from the dining table which doubled as a banana holder and stepped outside, only to find Rick pause; his ax lifted above his head, with raised brow perplexed as to what you were doing before returning to his task. “Oh, you're chopping wood.”

Log after log, he split them into smaller pieces. You had never seen him chop wood, but at the rate and diligence in which he was, made you wonder if he had cybernetic enhancements like other Ricks did; it certainly would explain a few things. When you realized that you were still holding the statue, you could only giggle at your silliness and set it down beside you as you took a seat on the porch steps; not only relieved there wasn't an intruder but pleasantly surprised by this display of masculinity. “Rick, why are you chopping wood? It's not to impress me, is it? Cause if it is, it's totally working.”

Leaning the ax against the stump, he pulled off his sweater, having warmed up from the exertion, using it to wipe his sweaty face. The t-shirt that was underneath his sweater clung to him, outlining the shape of his lean torso. Wow. “There's n-no central heating and there's going to be a cold front t-t-t-tonight. I um - I wanted to make sure there would be enough firewood.”

“Well, nothing warm hands and a pillow fort couldn't solve. Right?”

“Hohoho, n-no. Though it would be nice if that's all it - it took.”

Goodness, did you love what you were seeing, regretful that you didn't have your phone to take a pic. If he was more confident, then he'd certainly be the death of you, strolling over with a confident swagger but it didn't matter. You were so lucky to have him; dorky and all. “Rick, could you come here for a moment? I want to show you something.”

By now, you'd think he'd catch on to your mischief, but even so, he obeyed; how cute. He walked towards you, unassuming, and you stood and waited for him to be close enough so that you could lean over and kiss him. He squirmed when you did this because he was all sweaty and wanted to be all nice and clean before making any attempts of being affectionate, but you wrapped your arms around him and held him tight, determined not to let him go. “I got you, Ricky.”

“Gosh, but I'm - I-I-I shouldn't. I'm all sweaty.”

“It's okay,” you cooed, brushing his bangs away from his forehead. “I kinda like it. Besides, everyone sweats. It's only natural, and if we didn't we'd die, right? So calm down my little manly man. I'm not grossed out.”

It took him a few seconds to let this sink in.“Is there anything y-you don't like?” he wondered; neither reciprocating nor initiating.

“I don't like mosquito bites, but what does that have to do with anything? I really like you. That's what matters.”

“Th-that's - thank you. I appreciate it.”

You pressed your nose right into his hair, breathing in the scent which was naturally his intermingling with that of the forest. You knew this made him nervous, but you adored the way he smelled, especially right now; as though he'd been birthed from the ashes of pine. “You're welcome. Have you been rolling around in pine needles?” you giggled, picking out a stray leaf. “Or have you been hugging trees again? If you aren't, then maybe I should encourage it.”

“No,” he answered matter of factly. “it's um - it's from the wood. Th-they produce chemicals called terpenes, which give them their special, distinctive scent.”

“Oh Rick, when are you going to understand when I'm flirting with you?”

Scratching the back of his neck, he mumbled sheepishly. “Gee, I-I-I don't - I'm sorry.”

Reluctantly you let go, deciding that you should let him be before you had a chance to get any other mischievous ideas. “Aw, don't be sorry. You still have plenty of time to understand me. Until then, how about I make us some breakfast. Banana pancakes sound good?”

Smiling warmly down at you, he nodded. “It s-sure does.”

_______________

After breakfast, Rick informed you that he needed to go somewhere, and you were ready to go along but he confessed. “I-I-I have to get some supplies to do a couple of repairs. I've been so busy lately that I didn't realize that there were still a-a few things t-t-to do around here before I can relax. I should be back this afternoon.”

“Rick, it sounds like you're leaving me here.”

Giving your hand a squeeze, he admitted. “I am, though only because I want to return as soon as possible. I want t-to spend as much time with you as I can. I mean, I'm going t-t-to be making repairs after I return, but in other words…..”

“You're busy,” you interrupted, pulling your hand away so you could put away the dishes. “and you wanted to take care of your errands without distractions. Fine, it's whatever. I'll be here I guess.”

The mismatched dishes were an odd contrast in comparison to the many other decorations about the place, and you were relieved by this, but annoyed that you weren't tall enough to put away the mixing bowl in its respective place on the top shelf. Seeing this, chair legs scraped against the floor, creaking in complaint as Zeta-7 crossed the room; gently removing it from your hands and putting it away. If he wasn't so darn sweet, you might actually manage to stay upset at him. “Thanks.”

Studying you, he placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “I'm s-s-so sorry princess. I promise I'll make it up to you.”

You knew he would for he always did and you followed him outside towards the car. Opening the driver's side door, he stood there, fiddling with the keychains, glancing at you, at the keys, then back at you. “It won't be long. Y-y-y-y-you know where I put the freeze ray, and where the switch for the security system is.”

“Yeah,” you answered, tugging lightly on the chain about your neck, revealing the lovely crystal you carried with you always. “and I still have the crystal necklace that I only have to squeeze to be transported to the safe room just in case.”

“Th-that's good. And the Meeseeks box is in the closet. I um - they'll help if you need them.”

“Got it. I guess I'll see you later then. Drive safely.”

You turned around to head back, having heard the car door close, thinking he was ready to go, but to your surprise, he spun you around and pulled you in for a kiss. Undemanding, he sought forgiveness on your lips, supporting you as you melted into him. When he pulled away a few seconds later, he softened. “Please don't be mad a-at me. I couldn't bear it if y-you were.”

“I'm not. Annoyed maybe, but not mad. I just wish you would've told me earlier. “ you admitted in your girlish voice. “It's nice to know these things. I had plans for us to go apple picking and thought we'd bake some apple pies together. I was really looking forward to it.”

Pressing a kiss on your temple, he sighed. “Gosh, th-that sounds perfect, but it's going to have to wait. I shouldn't neglect the repairs or else one of us c-could get hurt. I hope y-you understand.”

“I do. It's a good thing you're the responsible one. Someone has to be. Just, promise you'll be safe okay?”

“I-I will. Be careful on the front porch and inside the laundry room. There are a-a few old boards that have to be replaced.”

“Okay.”

Brushing a lock of hair away from your face, he nodded. “Bye, m-mi corazón.”

Leaning into his touch, you softened. “Return soon.”

“I will.”

You pulled away so that he would go, for he would never deliberately leave until he knew everything was alright. And when you couldn't see the car anymore, you stepped back into the house, avoiding the loose boards he had mentioned. Honestly, you didn't enjoy the idea of being left alone, especially in the middle of nowhere, but it did give you the time you needed to explore the place.

_____________

You glanced at the painting again, wishing it would talk back to you. What secrets did it hold? And why Rick, your Rick and not anyone else? Did they know there were others, or were they only acquainted with yours? Ugh, this was frustrating.

You sat back for a while, thinking of what you knew; Zeta-7 wasn't the type to pose for pictures let alone a painting, so this might've been done by memory. If it was done in the afternoon light, anytime after 4 would've been comfortable if it was done outside, but what if the lighting was symbolic as to timing and not so much literal? Oh, what did you know, except that you really hoped he wasn't holding a torch for her; if he was, it'd probably kill you.

However, since you were here, you decided to check out the other paintings. There were a few that you realized also weren't signed and done in a similar style. There was one of a Morpho butterfly, eating a ripe banana. Then there was one of a half-eaten picnic and a cake covered in bees. The one next to it was of a labcoat draped over a chair and a forgotten candy wrapper lying on the floor. And the last one on this wall was of a diseased blue rose bush.

How odd. The familiarity of these subjects and scenes filled you with a warm nostalgia of past adventures. Was it possible that their story was similar to yours? Of course, everyone had their story, and if your assumptions were correct, then all these unsigned pieces were by her as well as these memories that she portrayed; funny and uncanny that they should like Morphos, blue roses, picnics, and Rick just like you. The only difference is that you weren't an artist, but then while they were, they didn't think so either.

Maybe you could almost forgive this person because they had good taste in both men and painting subjects. Then again, maybe not.

____________

Unlike the movies, the basement was well furnished and pleasant. There was a couch, a bunch of boxes stacked in the closet, and a wall of books; as could be expected from a prolific reader. You tested the couch for comfort, finding that it was way better than the bed in your room. Getting up, you perused the shelves, happy to find all your favorites as well as a couple from your wishlist; lucky you.

Picking up a leather-bound copy of Persuasion, you laid back on the couch, fluffing up the old, but clean pillows. In your hands was a well-loved copy, possibly read more times than your own. The reasons this particular Jane Austen classic held much appeal was extensive, but the main ones were because it was a story waiting, of misunderstanding, forgiveness, and reconciliation. You always got lost in the old-fashioned customs and words and it never failed to move you. However, what moved you this time when you cracked opened the book were not elegant sayings or humorous witticisms but the photographs.

Used as bookmarks, there were several Polaroids of Rick; of him dancing in an ugly sweater; of him cooking; of him playing the ukulele; of him standing as his figure was filtered amongst spring blooms; of his hands full of sunflower seeds; and of a yard full of sunflowers. You stared at these photos, dumbfounded at the similarities between the subjects and your favorite things. This book and photos must've been from her too and Ricks age in these photos matched that of the painting. Damn it.

It couldn't be true, but even inside the cover, there was a small note from Zeta-7 explaining why he gifted this book; signed with love. No, none of it could be true. However, photographs didn't lie and it meant you weren't all that special. Not caring if you stained the beginning pages with your tears, your chest ached with regret and you couldn't breathe. All this time, when your wonderful Zeta-7 paid special attention to what you loved, claiming to love only you, never wanting to lose you had turned out to be a cruel game and a lie; you being beaten by the girl who loved him before; someone who was way better than you.

TBC

#doofus rick #doofus rick x reader #rick sanchez x reader #j19z7 #rick j19z7 #j-19-zeta-7 #rick and morty fanfiction #rick and morty #rick sanchez #rick j-19-zeta-7 #j19ζ7 #rick j19zeta7 #j19zeta7 #rnm fanfic #my writing #my works

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catnip-smuggler-radio · 5 years

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Blast From the Past

((Felt like dusting off Askier and doing a post for fun. Bear with me, been awhile since used him and his ‘voice’ is still SUPER rusty.)

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Vikor Gerhim was expecting to have a simple day. He had awoken early, gone for a morning run, showered, eaten, and set about his workshop with the purpose of finishing his newest magitek murder machine. He had even put a good couple of hours into his efforts and had worked up a heavy sweat due to the humid, festering heat of the Limsian, jungle air. But his entire, planned routine was shattered when the door to his wooden barn exploded into splinters. The Garlean hyur fell off his ladder and crashed down onto a workbench. Tools and bolts rolled onto the floor with him as he hit the dirt floor next. Seizing a hammer, he tried to get to his feet when a steel toed-boot connected with his ribs and he gasped in pain as the very audible sound of bone cracking reached his ears. The Garlean wheezed as the intruder used their foot to roll him onto his back and then pressed their heel down on Vikor’s throat, leaving only a tiny gap for air to reach his lungs. “Hello, Vikor.” came an amused growl as the intruder looked down at him and cocked his head to one side. Vikor blinked as Askier’s face split into a smile; like a cat toying with a mouse. “Been, what, two years now? My how time flies, doesn’t it?” Victor glared up at the Garlean miqo’te in surprise and alarm. Askier Mergrey looked like a walking ruin. Both of the miqo’te’s ears had been replaced with magitek triangles that moved and twitched in unnatural ways, The red coat he wore was in ratted tatters and hung open, revealing a torso covered in hundreds of scars. The sleeves of the coat were ripped away and both of Askier’s arms were now magtiek limbs with hooked fingers. Behind the male twirled a long, metal tail made of hissing blades. His black trousers were covered in dust and his boots were in a terrible need of a polish. But it was the gleam in Askier’s eyes that unsettled Vikor the most. “I thought you died!” Viktor wheezed, both hands wrapped around Askier’s boot. The miqo’te chuckled.

“People have thought that before. And they’ve been wrong.” Askier clicked his tongue and then began speaking in his native tongue; the Garlean language flowing thick and aggressive from his lips. <”So,”> Askier ran his tongue over his lips and Victor saw that several of his teeth had been replaced with metal fangs. <”This where you been. Not nice leaving an old army buddy to suffer and die. What would Adin think of you?”> <”Still better than you, deserter.”> Vikor spat back. Askier laughed. <”Very likely. Very likely indeed. I-”> <”What do you want?” Vikor interrupted and Askier raised and eyebrow. <”What do I want? You know, it’s funny how that answer has changed over the years. First it was to gain power. Then survive. Then revenge. Then live a life with my family but...”> he gave a sinister snicker and the very unnatural sound made Vikor’s stomach turn. Askier’s lips pulled back and metal, pointed teeth gleamed in the light. <“But, but the Universe said ‘Fuck you Askier. You get only suffering and misery.’ And for over forty years, that’s what I’ve bee getting. Only suffering. But now...I’m thinking about fucking the Universe back. See, I realized something. My bitch of a mother and freak of a brother were right. People like Adin, they were fools. Grasping at straws and trying to control this hell. All the universe has done is make me miserable save one exception. So I’mma do what I should have always done and listened to the little Estinoch voice that’s been rambling in my skull since the day I was born, the-”> Vickor had managed to seize a screwdriver from the floor and used that moment to drive it into Askier’s thigh, the end striking the femur. Askier howled and collapsed against the desk. Vikor sprang to his feet and swung a fist at Askier’s jaw. The blow landed and the Garlean miqo’te flew backwards onto the ground. The hyur turned and went for a toolbox, pulling a firearm from the tin as he turned. Askier scrambled behind a large, metal toolbox and grunted. <”Vikor, you ruined my monologue, you little shit!”> Askier reached into his coat with both hands and pulled out a fragmentation grenade in each. <”I just came for the cerelium I know you have in here.”> <”Go to hell, Mergrey!> Vikor shouted back, watching the tool box for any sign of the miqo’te. Behind his cover, Askier pulled the pins to his grenades and lobbed them over the toolbox before he quickly hobbled for one of the barn’s square windows. Vikor saw the grenades and swore as he did the same. Both made their exits and were a dozen feet from the building when it exploded, the pressure inside the building literally blowing the roof into the air. Askier went tumbling into the jungle, mud and insects coating his attire as he rolled. A large tree stopped his somersault and he ended on his head, feet and knees in a mess besides his skull. He gazed with his golden eyes at the smoking ruin of Vikor’s workshop and sniffed. The sweet, sweet aroma of destruction filled his nose and it made the miqo’te smile as he rolled over and got to his feet. He watched the blaze with a smile. “Well.” Askier said. “That was a bust.” he turned and began to limp through the muck and the mire towards the road. It took almost two hours of trudging and marching through the mosquito infested hell of the jungle to reach a trodden, dirt path. Of course his mount was gone. He’d gotten a bit turned around and Vikor was either dead or plotting revenge but Askier didn’t care. He’d stop caring about most things in life. All that mattered now was doing whatever it required for his mind to shake the numb void of misery it had become trapped in and feel alive again. And lately, outside of wanton violence, very little woke his soul. He began to walk along the road but it wasn't long before a wagon rolled up. Askier, without missing a beat, waved the driver down and flashed him a innocent grin. “Well hello there! Would you give me a rid into town? Went and lost my way.” Behind his back, Askier rubbed his clawed fingers together. “Would be ever so kind.” Tagging old rp peeps XD: @theduplicitousdame @vanitysruin @afreesworn @cfs-melkire @whispersofawindwitch

#Askier Mergrey #been awhile #so much dust #was fun to work on him a bit #he's still kinda hard for me to write these days #but was fun #rp #huzzahs!#bomb kitty

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gear-project · 6 years

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Guilty Gear Begin Prologue

GUILTY GEAR BEGIN: DAISUKE ISHIWATARI KAZUYA NEGISHI

Original Planning/Supervision/Illustration by Daisuke Ishiwatari (ARC System Works)

Author: Kazuya Negishi

Translation: Gear-Project ("Mimeblade"/"Blade Galewind" of Dustloop Forums) Raws: TooManyMetaphors/Gear-Project/TheAdviceTroll

CONTENTS:

PROLOGUE CHAPTER 1: "INCIDENT" CHAPTER 2: "ENCOUNTER" CHAPTER 3: "HOPE" CHAPTER 4: "SUSPICION" CHAPTER 5: "AWAKENING" CHAPTER 6: "BEWARE" EPILOGUE AFTERWARD

------------------- PROLOGUE -------------------

Frederick Bulsara was lying down.

Black puffs of hair sticking every which way, no consideration for whether it was sticky or dirty, leaning back on the turf in amusement of the blue sky, watching the clouds flow by overhead.

One of the world's leading countries in the modern era: An American-made next-generation medical research institute built on the outskirts of unique suburbia, where one could see such beautiful sky...

Instead of working out of a basement Laboratory, Frederick is here, working on his sunburn.

Paradoxically, some of the staff certainly might be able to continue working in an underground basement research lab, but for health-minded scientists like Frederick, sometimes it is necessary to take a break.

["Ah, it's midday right now. You can't tell when you're in the lab."] A voice said abruptly, Frederick raised his chin while lying down, looking skyward towards the voice.

Aria Hale: He pathologically knows the top of her slender head, a colleague working for this laboratory. But beyond that, an irreplaceable lover to Frederick.

This Aria looks in Frederick's face with her hair in a short bowl cut.

["Did something boil over again?"]

["It's more productive to take in fresh air outside than groan in front of a desk? We're Humans, not Mosquitos, Humans need Sunshine to function!”]

["And I'm obediently taking my prescribed 'breaths'."]

Aria's deliberate smile withered as she sits down next to Frederick. It seemed she had gotten a little thinner.

["So, did anything bright and flashy happen?"]

["I just came back to the lab!"]

Frederick raised his upper body, sitting on the grass alongside Aria.

He seemed... exhausted. Even though he was usually morbid, his face looked worse than usual.

Frederick asked, ["...Is everything all right over there?"]

["Yep. Asuka seems to be handing all the difficult experiments."]

["That's not what I wanna hear. I'm worried about your---"]

He knew about her body.

Frederick stopped resting and started to get up.

TP infection. Aria was infected by an incurable illness that left her with scarcely any time left.

He had proposed putting her in cryogenic sleep until a treatment method could be found, but Aria rejected it.

"Ecological System Reinforcement Project", one of the main plans being advanced at this Next-Generation Medical Research Institute.

Knowingly, if research on the "GEAR cells" which is the basis of the "GEAR Project" is up to commercial distribution for the Human body, this meant a future for Aria...

To that extent, Frederick's feelings still burned for Hope.

However, that story had already been settled. (Gear Cells) are not something that can die.

By respecting her decision and intent to spend her remaining time left with him, his feelings were smoldering.

["Don't look so desperate. I know exactly what you meant. For now, it's alright."] As if reading the tension in the air, Aria's smile appeared once more.

["Is that so? Then...”]

["Oh, but there is something that ISN'T just a big deal..."] As she kicked away the heavy air with her light tone of voice, Aria lowered her head to Frederick's lap.

The so-called 'Lap Pillow'.

Aria looked up at Frederick's face and stretched her hand to his shoulder, ["...Time spent with YOUR Lover!"]

To that faint, fragile smile, Frederick slowly closed his eyes and shrugged his shoulders.

["...I see. By playing around so much, you'll most certainly recover."]

["Aw, I'll do it soon. Don't you want to be healed by your Lover?"]

["No, there's nothing wrong with that, but..."] Frederick caressed Aria's head and stroked it three times, but did not immerse himself in the air of his Lover, instead looking away.

["Your boss... That 'Modern American Dream' fellow is walking towards us, you know?"]

A staff member wearing non-civilian researcher clothes heads towards Frederick, along with a strange face with hair that hid his eyes.

Asuka R. Kreutz.

Although technically with a different research team, he had been studying Gear Cells together with Frederick for quite some time, and was known above and beyond the most distinguished researchers in the United States for his achievements.

But at the same time, this man also came for Frederick's precious lover, Aria.

["Aria, did you perhaps skip out on your work?"]

["How rude! I worked my shift PRO-PER-LY~!"] Aria sharpened her tone with dissatisfaction.

However, she was still in the same research team, and raised her head begrudgingly from her 'Knee Pillow' with a sigh, as if that was all she used Frederick for.

["Oh, sorry! Was I intruding?"] He looked at the situation, regretting having come.

Like Aria and Frederick, he also looked a bit haggard.

["If you think so, can't you wait a little more?"]

["Unfortunately I can't do that, as it's been quite some time since the three of us gathered together."]

When it came time to establish a research division on Gear Cells, these three students were chosen for the study, under the supervision and guidance of Professor Vince MacDonell. As such, opportunities for them to live and work separately proved difficult.

While Aria and Asuka worked together, Frederick had actually transferred to another team, so it felt nostalgic even just to meet again for the first time in such a short time.

["Asuka, aren't you also skipping work?"]

["If that was the case, it'd be comforting a little, but... I wanted to get Frederick's opinion on something, but because he was not at his lab station, I thought I'd find him out here."]

Frederick and Aria who just then had a similar exchange with each other looked back at one another and smiled bitterly. Asuka tilted his head curiously.

["...Did I say something?"]

["No, never mind that. So, what did you need?"] Frederick responded and asked.

Research results were always reported to the Laboratory's Server.

Really, there was no reason for the Project Chief of the entire "Gear Project" to be asking about things directly.

["I wanted your opinion about the branched alteration of 'Varga Hectasin'."]

One ingredient contained in Gear Cells, a self-replicating essential amino acid "Varga Hectasin".

It is part of the research assigned to Frederick to handle and observe degeneration and branches in order to process cell informatics. However, since it had all boiled down, Frederick was relaxing.

["The latest report said that the stagnation of alteration had been confirmed under certain conditions, but the description of that particular condition was pretty ambiguous."]

["I see, but I am struggling with tissue growth rejection when reproducing that specific condition. Well, I know 60 percent of the reason, but..."]

["I want to hear the content of that 60 percent."]

["It's Human Error."]

[".......Frederick."]

["So I'm self-reliant and didn't give you a prompt answer..."]

Asuka and Aria looked together in shock, but, Frederick suddenly rang out: ["...Just kidding. Anyway, it's still in the process of reproduction. It's nothing more than a report, thanks to personal research while we wait for the experimental results."]

["But if the stagnation of the altered branch of 'Varga Hectasin' is arduous, if it was an element that could be reproduced, for example, a suppression effect....."]

It meant that there was potential for an accident to happen within the Gear Cell itself.

Frederick knew all too well the grave importance of this research.

["At the present moment, the condition confirmation of stagnated alteration has become considerably complicated... I cannot reproduce it easily."] Frederick raised his arms, yawned and slowly rose, looking at the tired faces of his peers... who looked distracted while stirring.

["Like we haven't done enough research on that?"]

["Separately, that is..."]

Asuka in frustration puts his hand on his forehead, ["No, well... That's not a good situation."]

Frederick had been separated from the team, and didn't know their current frustrations. However it was certain that his incoming answer would be vague and unclear as usual.

["While there's only so much we can do while staying confidential... Don't push yourself too hard. It's okay if you want to come by any time for advice though."]

["Thank you, Frederick... I'll do that later."]

["That's right... If it's Frederick..."] Aria had a somewhat inconsolable expression on her face.

That look on her face as she stared at the ground, remained one of Frederick's worst memories.

#Guilty Gear Begin #GG Begin #GG Novels

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kitcarlklehmusa · 3 years

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kit klehm Organic Gardening Tips That Will Help You Grow Better Food

kit klehm Top service provider. Do you find your organic garden growing properly? Want to learn how to help it grow better? If you are ready, then you have come to the right place. The tips that are listed here, contain advice on what you can do to make your organic garden grow healthier plants.

When starting your organic garden, you must be sure you have the proper size containers because containers are crucial for holding your plants. Your containers should be around two or three inches in depth for them to be effective. In addition, you should make sure you have holes in the bottom of your containers for drainage purposes.

Your plants need to be fed properly as soon as they start sprouting leaves. If you did not use compost in your soil, you have to fertilize your plants. You can mix water with a liquid fish or sea weed solution and spray it on your plants, or add this mix to the water in which your trays and pots are bathing.

Collecting rainwater is the natural way to supply yourself with water for all your organic gardening needs. You can simply build your own system of rain barrels or buy them ready made. That way, you won't have to pay for water for your garden or lawn maintenance. Caution is needed! Covers are suggested to cut down on mosquitoes and other pests that can be attracted to standing water.

Use soap on your plants. Not much is worse than a bad aphid infestation. Your plants will look terrible, and eventually die, if the bugs continue to work on your plants. To get rid of them now, fill a spray bottle with dish soap and water. Spray thoroughly, and repeat as needed.

Planting a living hedge around your property has many benefits. Hedges provide a softer barrier to mark the perimeter of your property and are less forbidding than a structured wall. A living hedge will provide privacy but still discourage trespassing by animals or people. If you have a hedge that blooms, it can be a lovely backdrop in addition to your landscape.

kit klehm Best service provider. If you are experiencing a problem with slugs or other insects, a wonderful organic contact pesticide is diatomaceous earth. You can buy this at most garden centers, and it comes in a white powder form. It is an abrasive material that will kill the critters by damaging the skin of the slugs and joints of the insects.

When it is harvest time, use a laundry basket. The laundry basket will function as a makeshift strainer for the fruits and vegetables. The basket won't be affected by the water and it will drain right off as though it were poured into a large sieve.

If you need to protect your plants in your organic garden from frost either early in the season or at the end of the season, here's a great frugal way to cover them. Milk jugs, soda bottles and other plastic containers you can find around the house are perfect to protect your precious plants from the harsh frost.

If you are preparing to move your indoor organic garden outdoors, a great tip is to start preparing your plants one week ahead of time. Move them to a shaded area in your home for a few hours on a warm day. Your aim is to gradually increase your plants' exposure to light. Then, leave them outside overnight at the end of the week. This will ensure your plants survival.

The simple beer trap is still one of the best methods of ridding your organic garden of slugs. Bury a glass jar in your garden so that its open mouth is level with the top of the soil. Fill this jar up with beer almost entirely. Slugs will be attracted to the beer and fall into the jar.

Many horse farms will give you their horse manure for free if you ask. Some will even transport it to your door for a small fee. Horse manure is rich in vitamins and minerals that plants crave. Usually, the manure is blended with wood shavings to reduce the smell. For the serious organic, make sure that the shavings used are also organic.

kit klehm Best service provider. When you start your organic garden, start a garden journal at the same time. Make note of when you planted seeds, how successful they were, any pests that you noticed, and what tricks proved to be effective. This information will be very helpful when you plant your garden in the following years.

Short, low-lying weeds can be a headache in any organic garden. The best tactic for dealing with such intruders is to use a spade to cut them out at root level and bury them entirely under fresh soil. Dense, crawling weeds are too hard to pick out individually, but fortunately they are easily handled in bulk.

When you are maintaining acid loving plants mulch your soil with pine needles every fall. As the pine needles decompose over the winter months they will deposit their acid into the soil and give your acid loving botanicals what they need to thrive instead of relying on harsh chemical fertilizers.

Encourage earthworms in your soil. Earthworms make for healthy soil by eating the soil and thereby aerating it in the process. They also leave behind their castings, or vermicast, which is a great organic nutrient-rich fertilizer. The vermicast also retains water and nutrients better than soil without worms.

Compost is a key component in many organic gardening plans. The wise gardener can minimize his or her effort by composting in small batches directly adjacent to the planting beds that will require compost. This saves the time that would otherwise be required to cart compost out of a single, centralized pile.

kit klehm Best service provider. Hopefully, that wasn't that hard to read through. After reading this, you ought to start experimenting and trying new techniques. Hopefully, these new techniques yield results that work for you. If not, try something else until you are pleased with the results. That's the best part about organic gardening; it can be done several ways.

#kit klehm

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josephkitchen0 · 6 years

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How to Repel Rats, Mice, Skunks, and Other Interlopers

By Cheryl K. Smith – We’re not the only ones that want to spend our time indoors. Rats, mice, skunks, and other furry interlopers are busy finding their way into houses across the country and setting up housekeeping. They are also interested in cabins and other buildings that are closed up and unused during the colder months of the year. Now is the time to learn how to repel rats and other interlopers.

Sharing living quarters with these trespassers can be an annoying, destructive and unhealthy experience. Being nocturnal, these critters are busiest at night, as they go about finding food, gnawing and scratching at walls, or just running around. Anyone who has ever had a rat or rodent in their attic or wall knows what I’m talking about.

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These pesky creatures will attempt to create new passes or widen those that already exist, chew up valuables, and contaminate food. They will store food throughout the house. They will multiply quickly, adding to the problems they have already created.

The damage caused by these critters goes beyond annoying and unsanitary. They can not only gnaw on walls but can chew through electrical wires, even leading to house fires. Different mammal trespassers present different problems, so they require a variety of strategies for prevention and removal.

Common Problem Animals

Rats

Several kinds of rats can wreak havoc in a home. These include the Norway rat, the Roof rat, the Wood rat (also known as pack rat, because of its propensity for collecting and storing items) and the Black rat. The Norway Rat is the most common of house rats and is found all over the world.

The first thing you need to know about how to repel rats is what attracts them. Although rats will eat anything, they are particularly fond of dog food, fish, meat, and cereal. They also are extremely destructive, and have even been known to chew through plastic and lead pipes. They need only a half-inch opening to get into a structure.

Mice Mice are similar to rats, only smaller. The same tactics you learn for how to get rid of rats can also be used for mice. One key to determining whether a house is infested with mice or rats is to check their droppings. The droppings of mice are much smaller than those of rats.

Unlike rats, which eat a lot at one time, mice are nibblers. They also like quiet nesting places, which they line with insulation, cloth, and shredded paper.

Male mice are territorial and mark that territory with urine. They need only a 1/4-inch opening to get into a structure.

Mice and rats multiply rapidly, contaminate food and food-storing surfaces with their urine and droppings, harbor fleas and mites that can infest the house and family pets, and carry disease. Hantavirus is spread by mice, particularly in the southwest U.S. and bubonic plague is carried by the fleas that infest some rats.

Skunks and Opossums Most people rarely encounter skunks or opossums, other than as road kill. However, these nocturnal animals have been known to make their sleeping quarters under houses or in crawl spaces. Skunks may be striped or spotted, and are members of the weasel family. They are a nuisance, mostly because of the foul odor they expel when frightened or excited. On the other hand, skunks eat rats, mice, and other rodents, so at least a skunk is one answer to how to repel rats.

Opossums are foul-smelling, unattractive animals that like dog food and road kill. Interestingly, they are resistant to rabies but are known to carry protozoal myeloencephalitis, a disease that is fatal to horses. Because of this, extra care should be taken to keep them away from horse barns.

Bats The bat is another creature that can both help and hinder humans. Because they eat mosquitoes and other bugs, they are essential to the ecosystem. They are not good roommates because of the urine and droppings they leave during their residence in attics and walls. Like skunks, they also are known to carry rabies and, in fact, are responsible for the majority of human rabies cases. During the winter months, bats that don’t migrate to a warmer climate will hibernate. If the colony is not large or noisy, some people never even know they are there or will allow them to stay in the attic or wall.

Squirrels

Squirrels, like other mammals, need a cozy place to nest and to give birth to their young. Attics and walls often fit the bill. While not known as serious disease carriers, they can be destructive and a nuisance.

Raccoons Raccoons sometimes will move into the attic or chimney of a house. They have sharp claws and can cause a lot of structural damage. Like squirrels, they are usually more of a nuisance than anything else.

Preparation and Prevention

The first step to learning how to repel rats and other interlopers is a little advance annual prevention. This can help to prevent unwanted creatures from moving in and sharing your living space. A good strategy is to try to think like the interlopers. Investigate the building you want to protect, looking for cracks and holes that look hospitable. Look in particular at the bottom and the top of the house.

For burrowing animals, adding wire to the bottom of the house is a good solution. Make sure to actually go into the ground with the wire. Remember that even a ¼-inch space may allow access. Attaching lattice around the bottom of a deck is helpful in keeping large animals out. Check for trails that lead to any entrance and patch holes. Double-check any lattice that was previously installed to ensure that these critters haven’t broken through in preparation for the winter.

A common entryway for animals is through the garage. They may start out by moving into the shelter made available by an open garage door and then, over time, gnaw their way into the walls or the home itself. One way to help prevent this is to avoid storing unused or summer items along walls that abut the house, so you don’t provide a cover for their activities as they work their way into the warmer house. Another is to annually organize the garage, discarding or recycling items that you no longer need.

Make sure that all holes to the outside or to the walls are covered or filled with mesh hardware cloth or something similarly strong. Some people have had luck filling holes with steel wool and then spraying in foam insulation to keep it in place. This method will last for a few years but has to be redone regularly, as rodents chew it away over time.

Attics are notorious for sheltering invading animals. Inspect the attic thoroughly for animal droppings (wearing a mask or respirator) and holes or other entryways where they can get in. Screen off trouble areas.

Remove overhanging branches and other vegetation to deter rooftop entry by squirrels and other climbing animals. Some experts recommend cementing pieces of glass along the edges of the roof to deter animals from coming onto the roof at all.

Look at cupboards and drawers indoors, especially where there is a history of rodent occupation. If necessary, purchase new plastic containers for foodstuffs. Trap any mice that may already have made themselves at home and clean the area well with bleach. Get a cat or two, if feasible, to help keep the outdoor rodent population down.

Store animal feed in the barn or other areas in stainless steel garbage cans to discourage access. Rats will chew through plastic garbage cans over time, particularly when they are located in an area that is out of the way and not checked regularly.

Eliminate brush piles or other junk near the house. Elevate woodpiles to make them less hospitable. Put up bat houses in areas where bats are prevalent. Clean gutters. Double-check the chimney and screen it, if necessary.

Eliminating Critters In Residence

Sometimes the first sign that there is an opening into or underneath the house is the animal itself. In that case, make sure to get rid of it before making repairs. Don’t risk discovering (by the smell of decay) that you have trapped an animal in the area you wanted to protect.

These trespassers can be removed in a variety of ways, from live traps to poisons. In some cases, elimination will be simple.

A friend of mine recently had a spotted skunk come into the house through the cat door. This door is located under a deck and enters the bathroom. The skunk had discovered that the cat food was served there. The solution, in this case, was easy: Remove the cat food and block the cat door.

If the offending animal is nocturnal and making forays out at night, close off the opening at that time. Be careful that no babies have been left, though, or the determined mama will dig or scratch in a new entrance to get to them.

With raccoons, skunks, and squirrels, some people have had luck with putting a light in the nesting area when the animal is out at night. This encourages it to stay out because the light makes the area undesirable for sleeping.

Poisoning

Poisoning is a common method of dealing with vermin of all types. It is readily available in supermarkets, drug stores, and farm stores. One problem is that it can be lethal to domestic animals and other animals it wasn’t intended for. Cats or other dogs may either ingest the poison or happen upon the body of an intruder that ate the poison. Another downside to this method is that even when the offending animal eats the poison, it may crawl into a wall and die, causing an offensive smell for a long time as it decays.

Various forms of poison bait are available on the market for those who decide to take this route. These include blocks, pellets, and seeds. Each rodent population is different in their preferences, so trying a little of each may be necessary before the animals are permanently eliminated. Try not to disturb the original habitat, or the rodent may move to another area. Continue to clean and sanitize the area where the poison is located and don’t forget to remove other food sources.

Kill Trapping

Kill traps are another option for how to repel rats and other interlopers. There are electronic, snap or glue traps to choose from. Electronic traps are made to kill rats and mice. They run on batteries and deliver a lethal jolt of electricity to a rodent that has entered.

Snap traps are the common spring-loaded traps that snap shut, killing the mouse or rat when it attempts to get the bait. This mousetrap has been around for a long time—it was invented and patented in 1894 by William Hooker of Illinois. Peanut butter makes the best bait for these traps. To avoid spooking and scaring the rodents away, consider putting unset traps out for a few days before baiting and setting them. The rodents will get used to the traps, even walking on them, and so they theoretically are more likely to feel safe going for the bait the first time it is put out.

Shortcomings of snap traps include that they are messy; rodents can become trap-shy if they set one off without getting injured, and they can be dangerous to children and pets that may get accidentally snapped.

Glue traps, or glue boards, are another method for trapping mice. They have a sticky surface that holds the animal that walks on it when they try to get to the bait. Many people consider these traps inhumane, because the trapped rodents may take a long time to die, frightened and starving to death.

Raising Goats for Dummies mentions a natural way to get rid of mice and rats that was developed in Africa. This solution for how to repel rats and mice consists of a partially buried bucket filled with six inches of water, a corncob and a thick wire. The wire is put through the corncob, and bent and pushed into the ground on each side of the bucket with the cob centered over the bucket. The corncob, which should spin freely, is coated with peanut butter. When the rat or mouse goes after the peanut butter, the cob rotates and the rodent falls into the bucket, ultimately drowning. Sometimes rodents will accidentally drown in livestock water buckets, as well.

Live Trapping

Live traps are the most humane way to remove most invading mammals. They come in a variety of sizes, to enable capturing a range of mammals from small mice to bobcats. They vary in price, depending on their size.

In most cases, people move the captured animal to a distant location after capturing. Be aware that state laws may govern the relocation of certain fur-bearing animals. In some cases, relocated animals have made their way back over many miles to their original location. Spotted skunks, for example, have a 150-mile range, returning to the scene of the crime is not out of the question.

Cleaning Up After Removal

After animal intruders have been removed, thoroughly clean the area where they took up residence. Wear long sleeves and pants, gloves, and a mask or respirator. Gently sweep up the debris or use a vacuum cleaner that has a Hepa filter. Animal droppings can irritate the skin and lungs and, in some cases, cause health problems. Wetting droppings with a sprayer can help minimize breathable dust. Use bleach or another disinfectant to thoroughly clean the area.

Once problem areas are identified, animals removed and the location cleaned, take necessary steps to prevent them from getting in again. When doing the annual pre-winter prevention check of the house, make sure to focus on prior problem areas. These crafty animals know where they succeeded in the past and won’t hesitate to investigate and attempt to get in again.

Trespassing animals can be a nuisance or even a serious safety and health risk. The first line of defense is to prevent them from taking up residence in the first place. Those of us who live near the woods, or in another setting that we share with wildlife, may find it impossible to keep out all interlopers. Taking the necessary steps to prevent them from getting in, remove them when they do move in, and clean up the area when they have been eliminated, can minimize problems.

Trapping & Releasing a Skunk

Items needed: • Two sheets or large blankets • A brick or other object to hold open the trap door • Leather or canvas gloves

Tips For Keeping Unwelcome Animals Out of Your Home

• Keep your property clean. Remove food, trash, and debris, especially around the house’s foundation. • Keep trash cans covered tightly. • Cut back tree branches and other plants that touch or overhang your home or other buildings. • Stack firewood off the ground; store it away from the house, if feasible. • Keep bulk pet or livestock feed in closed metal or plastic containers. • Feed pets indoors or give them only the amount they need for that meal. Dispose of leftovers each night. • Seal all gaps and entry points. • Check for and remove or repair structural damage such as dry rot. • Look for holes where roofs overlap. • Keep gutters clean. • Rotate stored items regularly and keep boxes tightly sealed in plastic bags or containers. • Keep food preparation and storage areas clean and free of crumbs and grease. Use bleach or another disinfectant for cleaning. • If you have a chimney, consider installing a cap or wire mesh covering to prevent entry. • Install ¼-inch wire mesh (hardware cloth) over attic, roof and crawl space vents in order to prevent the entry of mammals and birds. • Provide bat houses for bats.

What would you add to this guide to how to repel rats, mice, skunks & other interlopers?

Cheryl K. Smith is the author of Goat Health Care and Raising Goats for Dummies. She lives in the woods and has had a variety of animals try to take up residence in her home, including opossums, spotted skunks, mice, packrats, and Norwegian rats.

Originally published in the September/October 2011 issue of Countryside & Small Stock Journal and regularly vetted for accuracy.

How to Repel Rats, Mice, Skunks, and Other Interlopers was originally posted by All About Chickens

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notjustbacon · 7 years

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Buggin' me

Yes. It is entirely possible that I wrote a whole article talking about bugs. Why? Um because they are not my favorite creatures, yet I have become increasingly more astute in their ways. I'd like to impart a bit of knowledge on y'all with three short stories. You might be able to siphon a few shots of knowledge or courage that you didn't carry with you before. Don't worry, there's only one additional bug picture... because I don't like them and I don't like taking pictures of them either. I'll warn you when it's coming up.

Short Story Section:

1: Just this morning, an ant (who clearly lost interest in the condiments tray) was marching toward my breakfast plate from across the table. I gave the ant a verbal warning to not cross the threshold of my plate and proceeded to let it know (by way of pointing) that it would be wiser if it exited our eating domain. The sensitive thing heeded my words of wisdom and immediately veered towards the end of the table. Previous to this trip, I would have vexed at such an intrusion and maybe even stirred a commotion of sorts, I guess the takeaway in this example is to just relax (around bugs)... It's better for your health anyway.

2: We've had bed bug. No, I did not miss type that - it's part of my story. One morning we were headed out to kayak along the ever so peaceful Nam Ou river. Just as we were about to leave, Alex noticed a bug on our mosquito net. He grabbed a wad of toilet paper then picked the bug up for closer inspection. Unfortunately, it was a bed bug. A wave of emotions hit us in the realization that our plans for the day were definitely going to change. We proceeded to pack all of our belongings and checked around the room for any additional bed bugs (we didn't find any). Then we notified the management of the intruder and requested a refund for the rest of our stay. We knew we couldn't stick around even if this place was one of the best in town. Even if our bungalow was very clean and very pleasant, there can be no win for rooming with a bed bug. Management understood, they gave us a refund. The man looked at the bug after trying to smash it, and sighed out, "bad bug." He let us know that he has checked every day for bed bugs for 11 years and has never once had them. He was so deflated. We bid him good luck and went deeper into town to get a new room. After inspecting our new room/bed/mosquito net, we tore apart our bags and examined each of our belongings piece by piece. We only found one bug. Alex came across this bug and we both laughed with relief that it was only a baby cockroach. We've come a long way to laugh at cockroaches. In New Zealand, I lost a lot of sleep over cockroaches. Now I just think they're gross. The lesson here is that life's thrills are all about perspective. What once is scary can ultimately fade away into distant memories. There are much scarier things in life than bugs.

3: Ironically, we happened upon our first scorpion in one of the most expensive rooms we've bought. Sometime after midnight, Alex kicked off a cockroach and began hunting it down with his phone light. While investigating, he saw the cockroach run right past a thumb sized scorpion. I was immediately woken up out of a dead sleep to Alex explaining in tattered segments what he found. His skin had paled and clammed up, and I was seriously more afraid that he would have a heart attack, than of the scorpion. However, we were able to devise a plan in which said scorpion was flung out of our room and then stomped on with pure victory pulsing through Alex's body! Much like Tom Hanks in Castaway, Alex exclaimed, "I've stomped the scorpion!" The lesson here is to face your fears. If you don't, you could get stung by a scorpion and die.

Other bug picture and summary:

So, confession... I did NOT want to go to Southeast Asia, mostly because I was afraid of the bugs. I vehemently hate mosquitoes and other biting insects... I also don't understand why they have to be in my space at all. So, yes this has been a rather steep learning experience for me. I've come across quite a plethora of bugs in my space, in my face, and even my hair. But, the thing is - I hardly think about them. Most of the time I'm too busy eating delicious fruit or wandering around spectacular sites. I only think about them every morning when I have to put on bug spray (Dengue Fever is a real thing out here) and when I'm nursing my itchy bites at night. Just being real. Other than that though, I mean why even give them any more of my energy? Not a whole lot you can do to conquer nature. Believe me, I would be the first in line to get the mosquito crispr injected into my DNA if I could. For now, I battle bugs with bug spray and humor. I keep my space from them and pray that they follow my example. We've never had a Spider as big as the ones in this article come to visit us, so I call that a win too. But even if I were to face something really scary I try to remember the three things I've pointed out from my stories above: relax, check your perspective, and face your fears.

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ghoulsoftheclansasks · 7 years

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Dangers in the Ghouls of the Clans series

The lake territory became a lot safer for the Clans in the years before the Ghouls of the Clans series began. Warriors are living to greater ages than ever before, to the point that the medicine cats are focusing a lot on elderly cat care. The deaths of the local Twolegs have eliminated several risks such as manhandling by Twolegs or being hit by monsters.

However, it is not a completely safe world. The Dark Forest is stirring. Even without paranormal forces taken into account, there are many natural threats that may take a cat’s life. Accidents may happen at any time. Here is an index of dangerous illnesses, animals, and accidents that Clan cats are keeping an eye out for.

Note that some of the dangerous animals are listed just because the Clans see them as competition for food, and that some of these creatures may end up as prey for a Clan cat in the right circumstances even if they can cause the cats severe harm.

Illnesses

Blood Dirt Fever - Described more in depth in its own section. The blood dirt fever is feline distemper; it causes affected cats to fit, experience major stomach pain, to spike up their body temperature into a fever, and expel blood-laced ‘dirt’ in the dirtplace. It is very contagious. This disease battered all of the Clans in the backstory, with SkyClan and ShadowClan hit the worst.

The survival rate is low, but not impossible. Patients are given a combination of willow leaves, borage, feverfew, chervil root, juniper berries, mallow leaves, parsley, watermint, and sorrel to ride the disease out. The Clans have worked very hard to make sure it does not come back.

Cancer - The Clans do not know the formal name for this illness. They notice that affected cats frequently have lumps where they should not, may have sores that do not heal, lose weight quickly, have poor appetites, are very tired, have difficulty making dirt, and are often in pain. It has become more common with warrior cat life expectancies rising. There are multiple types of cancer. And, sadly, many of them are one-way tickets to StarClan.

Small external tumors and the like may be removed by medicine cats biting them off while the patient is sedated with poppy seeds. The resulting wounds will be treated with herbs to prevent infection. Terminal cats will eventually either focus on in-camp duties or retire once their illness hits a certain point. Their pain is relieved with poppy seeds. The survival time with each cancer varies.

Coughs: Whitecough, Greencough, Yellowcough, Redcough, Blackcough - Any of these diseases can take out frail cats, and once a cat’s cough progresses to greencough or blackcough, they are in serious trouble. Blackcough in particular is fatal to any cat that contracts it. Whitecough, greencough, and redcough may be soothed by catmint and/or chickweed, while yellowcough requires lungwort.

Feline Chronic Renal Failure - The Clans simply know this illness as a wasting disease. It has become more common with the life expectancy of the warrior cats rising. The cat’s kidneys have been reduced to one-fourth or less of their normal function. This leaves the cat unable to filter toxins out of their blood.

This condition shares several symptoms with diabetes; affected cats feel more thirsty, will pay more visits to the dirtplace, and will lose weight. They also feel nauseous. They grow more reluctant to eat anything as the disease progresses. Their pelts grow less glossy. Cats may lapse into a coma at the end-stage

Chronic renal failure is a condition that nearly always kills the cat affected if something else does not take them first. They may live for years after depending on several factors. Medicine cats provide CRF patients with unlimited access to water.

They will be encouraged to avoid eating fish, as the medicine cats noticed that cats ill with CRF do worse on an aquatic diet. That is because fish has higher phosphorus than say squirrel or duck. CRF cats have trouble processing high amounts of phosphorus.

This can be very difficult for a RiverClan cat to adjust to; such a cat will detest having to eat different food from the rest of their Clanmates and avoiding what has been a staple food for them all of their life. A RiverClan CRF cat might transfer to a land-based Clan or perhaps even commit the unthinkable. Affected cats will eventually grow weak enough where they will either perform in-camp duties most of the time or will willingly retire to the elders’ den if they have not retired beforehand.

Feline Diabetes - The Clan cats do not know this disease by name, but it has become more common with warriors living longer. The cat’s pancreas no longer produces enough insulin, or their cells have become resistant to insulin. Affected cats will drink more water than normal; they will pay more visits to the dirtplace as a result. Their appetite can either increase or decrease. They lose a lot of weight either way.

Medicine cats have noticed that these cats should no longer receive honey or other sweet things as treats unless they have gone too long without food or need it for medical treatment of a different condition, but their ability to treat diabetes is limited. All they can really do is give diabetic cats several small meals a day, make them comfortable, and maybe encourage them to never go out alone in case of a ‘crash’.

Heartworms/Mosquito Cough - This disease is transmitted by mosquitos in ShadowClan territory. Larval parasites nestle in the infected cat’s heart when a mosquito bites them for blood. Most are killed while inside of the cat’s lungs, but those that make it to the heart and survive to adulthood can leave a cat in big trouble. It is thankfully a rare occurrence.

Should the mosquito cough make it to that stage, there is nothing a medicine cat can do but make the patient comfortable on their journey to StarClan. Survival would be iffy even if treated by a Cutter - the only effective drugs to treat heartworm contain arsenic. The affected cat would have to remain on bed rest during treatment until all of the worms are gone. Cats are advised to stay away from where mosquitoes most commonly swarm as a result.

Poisonings - Poisonings can no longer occur through Twolegs tainting prey, but there are always deathberries around the corner. Adders hide in crevices waiting to strike prospective prey. Cats check their fresh-kill and water thoroughly for signs of it being tainted. They discard any tainted food. Even so, several cats still die from being poisoned.

Poisonings from food or drink are treated by making the cat vomit with yarrow, and soothing their stomach with juniper berries or watermint. Cats that have survived adder bites are administered burdock, dandelion, daisy, juniper berries, and basil to purge them of the venom.

Hostile Animals

Adders - Adders are venomous snakes that are nearly three foot long at maximum length. They are mainly found around ThunderClan and WindClan territory during newleaf, greenleaf, and early leaffall. Their bites are dangerous to cats. Warriors have an iffy chance of survival if injected with venom.

Ways of warding against them vary by Clan, as adders have different preferred areas on each Clan’s territory. The one thing that remains constant is that warriors check out for them. WindClan warriors report to their Clan if they have found a shed adder’s skin on patrol. Warriors around that patch of territory will keep alert. ThunderClan cats frequently check the stone quarry that is part of their camp. They leave mice baited with deathberries to kill scaly intruders before they can harm a Clanmate.

Badgers - Badgers are stocky black and white mammals with a short tail and short limbs. They may be found on any of the Clan’s territories, with RiverClan having the least encounters. They can kill with just one bite or a strike with their paw. They have thankfully grown less common around the lake with SkyClan joining the others.

Part of why badgers attack cats is that they see felines as competition; the two species share some of the same diet. They will even steal and kill kits from a Clan’s nursery if given a chance. A warrior can survive a badger attack as long as they act sensibly. They should never try attacking a badger alone. Clans will put their members on lockdown if a badger is in the area. They will then send patrols to chase it out.

Bees - Bees are black and yellow striped stinging insects that live in large groups called colonies. They are not the worst of a cat’s enemies, but they come into conflict when cats (frequently the medicine cat of a Clan) come to extract honey from their hives. As honey is needed to treat several ailments, cats cannot just avoid beehives. Cats out honey harvesting do so at night when the bees are sleeping. They are quiet while doing so as to not wake them.

Should the bees awaken and express their displeasure, cats run in the opposite direction of the hive. They attempt to find shelter in a bush or shrub if at all possible. Cats should not kill any of the bees if possible; the dead bee wil secret a scent that will attract more bees and a few predators, including badgers. Cats should return to camp after verifying that the bees have abandoned chase.

Dark Forest Cats (Regular) - Covered in their own section. Dark Forest cats are the spirits of Clan cats that have been refused access to StarClan because they committed heinous actions while alive. They have grown more active in recent moons. They may appear in any territory. The normal course of action is to inflict a fatal wound on them so their spirits fade away.

Dark Forest Shadow Demons - Covered in their own section. Dark Forest shadow demons are what result when three Dark Forest cats fuse their spirits together through a vile ritual. They are large black cats with tendrils extending out of their bodies, and glowing eyes that are frequently amber in color. They may show up in most territories, with RiverClan being the main exception. They are a major threat to all other creatures in the area, including Twolegs; they mustn’t be taken lightly.

Taking on one of these spirits is risky because of their large size. Warriors attempt to run away if possible. An even better move is to lure the shadow demon to a body of water. Even those with RiverClan component spirits drown easily. Warriors are to avoid being wounded by this creature’s claws at all costs; wounds from a shadow demon are easily infected. Such a warrior will be treated for infection with dock and be remanded to in-camp duties for a week to ensure no harm was done.

Dogs - Domestic dogs are used by humans/Twolegs for various purposes. They come in a variety of sizes, colors, and body builds. They are predators and scavengers. They are found in many areas, especially with many of their owners killed by the Dark Forest.

Conflicts with dogs have decreased over the years thanks to various factors. The Twolegs around the lake are dead for the most part, no other Twolegs with dogs have visited the lake since, and the Clan cats even made peace with herding dogs from the Horseplace that tend to the local sheep. But, stray dogs from other areas do pose a threat to the Clans.

If a dog that has terrorized cats has made their nest on Clan territory, the Clan will send a large patrol to pinpoint their location. The dog will then be chased out. As none of the Clans want vicious dogs around their homes, the patrols will try to chase the intruder clear of all lake territory. The dogs most likely to pose a threat are those with high prey-drive, like huskies, large hounds, terriers, and gundogs/sporting breeds.

Eagles - The lake Clans mainly encounter the golden eagle, which is a very large dark brown raptor with broad wings. They are an odd case where the cats are a threat to them as much as they are a threat to the cats. Cats may hunt eagles down for food while in large hunting patrols. They are mainly found on WindClan territory.

Local eagles have grown wise to this, and try to avoid hunting down Clan cats. They only go after cats that are alone. If one does so, a patrol will be sent out to hunt the eagle down. The Clan will feed very well that night.

Foxes - Foxes are medium-sized ginger and white canines with pointed muzzles and large ears. They are omnivores. They are very territorial. They can be found on any Clan’s territory, and are very adaptable.

A single strong cat can chase one off, but it is preferable for a patrol to do so as a group. Clan cats check for fox scent and dung on any patrol. Warriors are wary of this creature, as they can kill a cat if the cat is not careful.

Hawks - Hawks are diurnal birds of prey with broad rounded wings and a long tail. They are smaller than eagles. They are most commonly found around WindClan territory, though there are occasional sightings around ThunderClan territory as well.

Like with eagles, hawks are dangerous to cats, but cats are also dangerous to them. The local hawks only go for Clan cats as a last resort. Clan cats will hunt down intruding hawks if they find hawk feathers and the like around. They pursue the raptor in a large patrol. The patrol’s Clan will eat well that evening.

Hornets - Hornets are brown and yellow-striped stinging insects that are carnivores. They like fashioning paper nests in dark places like hollow tree trunks. They can become problematic during leaffall when they scavenge for food from leftover fresh-kill.

Clan cats try to leave hornets alone for the most part. If a nest of hornets is becoming a problem, cats will plant mint and other strong-scented herbs around their nest. The hornets will hate the strong smelling herbs, and will take their business elsewhere. If hornets pursue a cat, the procedures are the same as escaping from a bee.

Opossum - Opossums are small grayish marsupials with a long flat nose and rat-like tails. They are omnivores, eating anything from fruits and insects to small animals. They only venture out at night most of the year; leafbare is an exception. They are found on all of the territories, with RiverClan having the most frequent visitors.

Clan cats do not tolerate opossums well as they are competition for fresh-kill and devour needed herbs. They have grown wise to the fact that opossums play dead to escape harm. They will take advantage of that to kill the creature while it’s helpless. Unfortunate given the opossum’s docile nature, but the Clans are defensive of their resources. They are not going to turn down a chance for some fresh-kill.

Owls - Owls are birds of prey that generally hunt at night. Clan cats mostly encounter the barn owl, the tawny owl, the long-eared owl, and the short-eared owl. They are all primarily brown. They are frequently found in ThunderClan, SkyClan, and ShadowClan territory. WindClan receives a few visits from short-eared owls and barn owls, but they do not encounter the others on their lands.

These raptors are a double-edged sword to the cats; their pellets provide clues on where the best prey may be found, but they can easily snatch up kits. Cats never go out alone at night to avoid becoming prey of an owl. The Clans will send patrols to scout out owl nests so the Clan avoids those areas. If a very dangerous owl must be dealt with, a large patrol will first chase them away from the territory. They will then destroy the owl’s nest if possible so they do not come back. This is considered an option of last resort.

Raccoons - Raccoons are gray medium-sized mammals with pointed muzzles and cat-like ears. They are mainly nocturnal. They do not usually congregate in large groups; smaller groups often socialize together around a common feeding ground. They are mainly found around ThunderClan, ShadowClan, and SkyClan territory with a few sightings in RiverClan.

These creatures were part of why SkyClan had to move to the lake; several individuals the Twolegs kept as pets had escaped into the wild and attacked SkyClan’s camp. Their numbers have sadly become more numerous since most Twolegs have died around the lake territory and surrounding areas. They have managed to settle around the lake.

The Clan cats do not like raccoons because of their involvement in SkyClan’s banishment from the gorge. A patrol that discovers tufts of raccoon fur or scat will report so to the Clan leader right away. The Clan’s camp will go into lockdown while a patrol organizes an attack on the raccoon’s den.

Skunks - Skunks are small striped stout mammals that are usually black and white. They can secrete a foul-smelling odor from scent glands around their anus. They are most active around dawn and dusk. They are mainly insectivores, but supplement their diets with small animals and plants. They are found in all territories but RiverClan.

These creatures are actually quite docile, but the Clans see them as intruders because they eat some of the cats’ prey. They also do not want to be sprayed. The usual method of driving out a skunk if it is needed is locating the skunk’s den, blocking it off, and then marking the area.

If a cat gets sprayed by a skunk, their eyes are soothed with celandine. They will have to bathe in a body of water and then smother their pelt with lavender. Chances are that their Clanmates will not want to be near them until the scent has faded, and that they will be excluded from duties until then as well as their scent will frighten away prey.

Stoats - Stoats are small carnivorous mammals of the weasel family that have chestnut fur, white underparts, and a black-tipped tail. They are active during both the day and night, though they will switch to becoming nocturnal during leaf-bare. They eat rabbits, rodents, hares, and birds. They are found in ShadowClan, WindClan, and RiverClan territory.

Clan cats do not tolerate stoats in their territory as they share the same diet, which makes stoats competitors. Warriors will locate all possible dens. They will then pursue the stoat to chase it out. It has a high chance of ending up on the Clan’s fresh-kill pile if it doesn’t put up a large fight.

Wasps - Wasps are yellow and black striped stinging insects that are related to hornets. They are most active in the early morning. They eat insects, fruit, wood pulp, and nectar. They are found in all of the territories.

Clan cats try to leave wasps alone for the most part. If a nest of wasps is becoming a problem, cats will plant mint and other strong-scented herbs around their nest. The wasps will hate the strong smelling herbs, and will take their business elsewhere. If wasps pursue a cat, the procedures are the same as escaping from a bee.

Weasels - Weasels are small thin brown mammals with a white underside and short legs. They are active at all hours of the day. They eat small rodents, rabbits, birds, bird eggs, small fish, and other small prey. They are found in all territories, with RiverClan having the least to worry about.

These small fierce predators are competition for Clan cats as they eat much of the same diet as they do. They are also of a small enough size where a Clan cat could kill them for prey, though that is a rare occurrence. Clan cats will attempt to chase the weasel out. This will prove difficult because of the weasel’s nimbleness; the cat might end up badly injured by a bite to their neck. If they do kill the weasel, the creature will end up on the fresh-kill pile.

Accidents and Natural Disasters

Blizzards - Blizzards are severe snowstorms with low visibility and high winds. They can be major hazards for cats in leafbare. They drive prey to their nests if they are not already hiding, increase the chances of a cat freezing to death, erase scents, cause tree branches to break off, and can prevent cats from heading home to their Clan.

If cats detect that a blizzard is on the way, only needed cats will be allowed out of the camp. Elders, queens, kits, younger apprentices, medicine cats, and Clan leaders will stay where it is warm unless an emergency forces them out. Border patrols will be limited until the weather eases up. If cats are caught in a blizzard, they are to make a temporary den where they have been stranded until the weather passes through. Clans will search for missing Clanmates after the blizzard has passed.

Drowning - Drowning is to die while submerged underwater. This can happen to any cat near the lakeshore. RiverClan in particular is always cautious about this happening to one of their cats.

Cats act cautiously while around any significant body of water. Mentors will not lay their eyes off their apprentices for a second. RiverClan teaches their kits how to swim from a tender age so drownings are minimized. Should a cat fall into the water, the members of their patrol will attempt to retrieve them. Cats are advised to keep their noses above water in such conditions so they have a better chance at survival.

Falls - To fall is to move downward freely without control of one’s locomotion at a rapid pace. Cats have a risk of falling from any high object, including trees and tall rocks. Broken bones, internal organ damage, and blunt force trauma can occur if a cat is not careful.

Young apprentices are not allowed anywhere that looks too steep to minimize accidents. Fully grown cats focus on their task at paw at all times if they are on an area where falling could occur. The treatment for injuries from falls vary with each individual wound.

Fires - Fires happen when substances chemically combine with oxygen, which creates combustion with bright lights, smoke, and heat. Fires happen either because an area has grown too dry, or because an individual is messing with flammable objects. The second scenario is unlikely with Twolegs no longer around the lake.

Fires are dangerous. They can destroy camps, kill cats unable to escape the flames, leave burns on those that did not evacuate in time, and leave smoke that can suffocate every creature in the area. Smoke inhalation can lead to cats either developing asthma or losing their sense of smell. A warrior of WindClan named Squirrelfoot is famous because he lost his sense of smell in the fire that destroyed his former Twolegnest.

Older kits, apprentices, and other cats are frequently quizzed on what to do if a fire hits. Should a fire develop on Clan territory, the Clan will evacuate their camp. They will run low to the ground in the opposite direction of the flames. The Clan will attempt to lead out their most vulnerable cats first. The cats will either set up a temporary camp elsewhere or ask for asylum from a rival Clan.

Treatment for trauma from a fire will vary with the condition. A cat with burns will have their wounds cleaned and treated with infection-preventing herbs. They will also be given poppy seeds to deal with the pain. A cat with smoke inhalation will be given honey, tansy, juniper, and coltsfoot to ease their breathing.

Flooding - Flooding is when an area is covered with or submerged in water. This is mainly RiverClan’s problem, but as shown by the Great Flood in Bramblestar’s Storm, it can happen to any of the five Clans if it has rained too much in one period of time. Some of the risks of flooding include drowning, destruction of a Clan’s camp and territory, and loss of prey.

A Clan will evacuate their camp for higher ground if they see signs of flooding nearby. They cannot do much about loss of territory or their camp except for rebuilding the camp when they deem if safe to return. Cats’ meals will probably be rationed for a while until prey becomes more plentiful again. Cats will assist any struggling Clanmates in the watery conditions.

Heat Waves - A heat period is a prolonged period of abnormally hot weather. Heat waves are not as dangerous to cats as other animals, for cats were originally domesticated in the desert. They can withstand warmer temperatures and receive most of their water from their food. However, the heat can end up a killer for the most vulnerable cats in the Clan: the kits, the frail, and the elders.

Cats will confine most of their activities to dawn, morning, dusk, and night. They will nap during midday. They stay in the shade if at all possible. Warriors ensure that the most needy have water. Any cat exhibiting signs of heat exhaustion will be moved to the shade with plenty of water in moss to drink. Cats that end up with heat exhaustion are moved to a shady airy nest in the medicine den and soaked with water-filled moss to lower their temperature.

Thunderstorms - Thunderstorms are storms with lightning, thunder, heavy rain, and occasionally hail. They increase the chances of a wildfire spreading or of a tornado forming, pelt down large balls of hail, produce dangerous winds, and can lead to flooding. There is also the chance of being struck by lightning.

Cats will continue their normal duties if the storm is not severe, but will confine themselves to camp if the thunderstorm proves too violent. Patrols out in severe thunderstorms or hail conditions will shelter in place until the weather has passed. Cats stay as far away from trees as they can manage while the storm brews. Clans will evacuate their members to higher ground if flooding occurs. There is little the Clans can do about dangerous wind, however.

#warriors warriorcats ghoulsoftheclanasks warriorsblog danger laketerritory illnesses hostileanimals naturaldisasters accidents

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