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booksalwaysandforever · 4 years

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Holding on to the Memories

So, this is my first time writing, so forgive me if it’s terrible. I have been in the twilight mood lately, so this is my twilight fanfic. Also, I am always open to story requests, suggestions for future chapters, and helpful criticism.

Summary: Lauren is the Cullen’s adopted baby sister. Her life has always been a dream. One day, while the everyone is out hunting, life isn’t a dream anymore.

Warnings: Self harm, bullying, very very sad and will make you cry.

Length: pretty long

Chapter 1

“You guys mean to tell me that I get to be home alone all day?!” I squealed excitedly.

“Yes, dear. We all need to hunt, and Renesmee and Jacob are down at the beach with the rest of the pack.” Carlisle said with a small smile on his face, happy that I was so excited.

“I didn’t think you’d be so happy to get rid of us, brown bear.” Emmett said as he ruffled my hair slightly. I gave him a small glare as he used my nickname from when I was little.

“I am excited, Emmett. This means that I get to control the TV for once.” Everyone started laughing as Emmett frowned at you.

“I don’t control it that much, do I?”

“Yes, you do.” Everyone said in unison.

“Plus,” I started, “I will be free of having 8 vampires watching my every move, there will be no one digging around in my head,” I scowled at Edward who gave me an apologetic look, “and no one will be able to mess with my emotions,” I finished as I glared at Jasper.

“It’s not our fault we’re vampires and you’re our human sister,” Jasper said.

“I know that, but that still doesn’t mean I like it when you mess with my emotions.” I said as I gave him a small scowl. “Nor do I like it when people dig through my head or know what I’m going to do before I even do it. I can never surprise you guys,” I pouted.

“Hey, we act surprised, don’t we?” Edward pointed out.

“It’s not the same!” I complained, earning myself a laugh from everyone. “Okay, you guys should go now. All of your eyes are pitch black. It’s kinda scaring me.”

Everyone laughed again and gave me a hug as they walked out to their cars.

“We’ll be gone until after supper tonight, so you’re on your own for meals.” Esme told me as she gave me one last hug.

“Mom, I know. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. If I need anything, I’ll call Jacob and Renesmee and they’ll come home. And if something really bad happens, I will call you or dad or Emmett or Jasper or Rose or any of you and you’ll all come running. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay.”

“Oh honey, I know you’ll be okay. I just want to be sure.” She gave me another hug and kiss.

“Dad, can you come get Mom?” I called. “Unless you come and get her, I don’t think she’s going to leave.”

“Darling, Lauren will be okay. She’s 15 almost 16, she’ll be alright staying home for one day.” Carlisle said, suddenly appearing at my side.

“Thanks. I know the drill, call Jacob and Renesmee first and then you guys. Now go! Bella and Jasper look like they’re going to snap soon.” I said as I tried to push them to the door.

“Alright, bye sweetheart. We’ll be back before you know it. Just try not to break anything. Don’t do anything Emmett would do.” Carlisle said with a small grin on his face.

“Hey!” Came a shout from outside. I started to giggle because as much as Emmett hated it, Carlisle was right.

“Okay Dad. Bye, love you.” I said as I gave him his last hug. “Bye guys! See you later! Catch a big bear for me, Emmett!”

Everyone shouted out their goodbyes and I love you’s as they drove away. I stood in the doorway for a moment longer and then raced back into the house to enjoy my day alone.

I spent a good portion of the morning wrapping and putting the finishing touches on gifts for my family. It was going to be my 16th birthday in less than a week, but I wanted to give everyone else gifts. I already had everything I could ever want, and all I really wanted for my birthday was to see everyone smile. So I decided to give them all gifts. It also gave me something to work on in my spare time.

I was going to give Alice a snow globe of two sisters ice skating. She and I had started a collection of snow globes together when I was a couple years old. We added to it every time we went on a shopping trip or anytime one of us had a birthday.

Rosalie was going to get a beautiful locket, with an inscription inside that said A sister is worth 1,000 friends. Hopefully she wouldn’t put an embarrassing picture of me in there.

Emmett was going to get the games Cards Against Humanity and What Do You Meme. Little did he know, I was going to kick his butt when I played with him.

For Bella, I got her a new charm for her bracelet. Currently, there are only three charms. Jacob’s wolf, Edward’s diamond heart, and the Cullen crest. I was giving her a small open book, because when I was a kid, she read a lot of books to me and gave me over half of the books in my collection. I owe my love of reading to her.

Edward’s gift was a bit more difficult, but I think he’ll like what I gave him. It was a handmade book of all our favorite songs. My lullaby, both Renesmee and Bella’s lullabies, some of my favorite songs, and a few of his favorite songs. I painted the front cover of the binder with a beautiful collage of music notes and pictures of him and I playing the piano. He didn’t really need the music for all the songs, what with his vampire memory and all, but this way Edward would always have a part of me.

Carlisle had always loved my paintings, so I made him one that he could hang in his office at work. It wasn’t anything too complex, just a rainbow watercolor background and a stethoscope twisted into a heart, but I’m sure he would love it.

For Esme, I made a cookbook filled with my favorite foods that she had made me over the years, and a few new ones for her to try. Like Edward, she didn’t really need the recipes, but she loved having things I made. On the front of the book, I had painted a collage of different foods like a meatball sub, cookies, cupcakes, salad, and lots of other things. Hidden in one of the back pages, were pictures of the entire family throughout the past 16 years. One when I was a baby, one when I was a toddler, when I was six, 10, 14, and a few weeks ago. It was the perfect gift for a mother.

I wasn’t nearly as close to Jacob as I was to everyone else, but I got him a gift too. He was still my big brother. I gave him my best wolf drawing, and a dog tag with a heart cut out of the middle. That heart was attached to a necklace I would keep.

For Renesmee, I made a box filled with her favorite candy, a photo album of us growing up together, and a best friend forever bracelet. To me, Renesmee was more like my best friend. We had sleepovers together all the time, watched movies all night long while stuffing our faces with junk food, and went everywhere together. Since she didn’t sparkle in the sunlight as much as the rest of the family, I could bring her to places like the beach or an amusement park on a sunny day without drawing attention.

The hardest person to find a gift for was Jasper. For as long as I could remember, Jasper had been the person I turned to for everything. When I scraped my knee when I was little, when I needed help in school, when I was bored out of my mind and wanted someone to play a game with me, it was always Jasper I turned to. I gave him a CD, and a stuffed horse. Jasper said he always loved it when I was singing. Whether I was humming to myself or singing my heart out to my favorite song, he said he had always loved it. So, the CD was full of me singing my favorite songs, and songs he used to sing to me when I was little. The stuffed horse held a speaker inside, so that whenever you squeezed it, you would hear me say “I love you”. I bet that if he could cry, he would.

When I was finished with the gifts, I played the piano and my guitar for a while. Edward was finally teaching me how to play my lullaby on the piano, and I was teaching myself all of my favorite songs on the guitar. I got bored pretty quickly, so I turned on the movie 10 Things I Hate About You, one of my favorites, and made myself lunch.

After lunch, I decided to turn on the TV and see if anything good was on. At that moment, an ad for a new movie came on the TV. I didn’t see what the name was, but I really didn’t want to know. Although I had only seen a few seconds, the image of a “vampire” holding a young girl in a headlock was enough for me. I lived in a world full of vampires and I knew the risks, but I always tried to push them out of my head. Plus, I was always with one of my siblings, or my parents, so I never really had to worry. They would protect me, no matter what. However, at the moment, I was all by myself. My family was the largest coven of vampires, aside from the Volturi, and every vampire that came through this was stopped at our house. Most of the time, my siblings were able to hide with me in my room and keep me safe. But they were probably in Colorado or Wyoming, up in the mountains at this point. What would happen if a rogue vampire came through here? What if they lost all control when they smelled me? What if Jacob and Renesmee couldn’t get to me soon enough to save me?

A million what ifs crossed my mind as my anxiety got a hold of me. I had had attacks like this before, but one of my siblings was always there to help me. Jasper could always calm me down, Edward could answer every question that crossed my mind, and everyone else would just hug me and remind me that everything was okay until I had managed to calm myself down. But I was all alone. Nobody was here to keep me from my own mind, to keep me from spiraling into a dark place. My head was spinning, my stomach hurt, and I could hardly breathe. I raced to the bathroom, running into almost every piece of furniture on my way there.

In less than 5 minutes, I had thrown up everything I had eaten that day. Currently, my stomach was heaving as though it wanted to throw up, but there was nothing left in my stomach. I began focusing on my breathing, trying to calm myself down. If I could get my breathing under control, I could work through every question in my head. As soon as I had calmed myself enough to make the room stop spinning, I heard my phone buzz. Hoping it was Alice, checking up on me, I reached up to grab it from the edge of the sink.

Much to my dismay, it wasn’t Alice. It was the complete opposite. Maggie was texting me once again. For years, she had been making fun of me and tried to bully me into doing whatever she wanted me to do. When my family moved here to Forks, when I was in sixth grade, she hated the fact that I was getting most of the attention. She didn’t do much harm for the first year and a half, but she kept looking for things to make me snap. She began breaking into my locker, ripping up my papers and writing insults about the teachers on others. The teachers never believed me, so I was always getting in trouble. After I had successfully gotten suspended at the end of seventh grade, she stopped, for about a year. Then things got worse. Way worse. Every day, I would find an insult about my clothes, body, family, everything. I tried my hardest to ignore it, but I just couldn’t. Now that almost all of my siblings, other than Renesmee who pretended to be only 2 years older than me and would graduate in May, had graduated and weren’t in school with me anymore, Maggie took that to heart. She had sent me a picture and a video of me. I knew I shouldn’t look at it, but Maggie liked to blackmail me and post crap about me online, so I looked, just in case she would try to do something. There was a message with the picture.

Wow, look at this girl in a swimsuit. She looks absolutely terrible. Look at the stretch marks on her stomach, she’s so fat!

That was the reason I never wore a bikini. I didn’t necessarily think I was fat, but I did have some small stretch marks on the bottom of my stomach. I was already self conscious, but this just made things a whole lot worse. I didn’t want to look at the video, but I did.

It was a video of me and my ex boyfriend James. We didn’t date long, but we did for a few months last year. It was a video of us making out in a closet. I remember that, we played seven minutes of heaven at Maggie’s birthday party last year. Why the hell did she video tape it? My phone buzzed with one last text from Maggie.

It almost looks like they’re having sex. Wouldn’t it be a shame if someone posted it on the school Instagram feed for everyone to see?

At that moment, there was a new post to the school Instagram page by Maggie. That bitch! Why the hell would she do that. I chucked my phone across the bathroom as hard as I could, managing to shatter the screen and a tile fell off the wall. Sobs racked my body. I couldn’t breathe. The only way to breathe again was to take my mind off what had happened. But how? That’s when I spotted my razor on the edge of the bathtub.

The only way to get my mind off everything was pain. My phone started buzzing and wouldn’t stop. I knew it was Alice calling me, but I ignored it.My phone was so smashed from being thrown across the room, it probably wouldn’t answer anyways. I looked at myself in the mirror.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered to my shaking reflection. I pressed the razor into my leg and pulled it across my skin. It hurt like hell, but that was a minor detail. I continued to cut until blood started gushing out of my last pass. Shit, I had cut my vein. I didn’t want to die, did I? I loved my family, but....I didn’t want to deal with life anymore. I didn’t want to feel pain anymore, nor did I want Jasper or anyone else to suffer with me. I didn’t want to live anymore. It was too hard. This was easier. I managed to make a few more cuts in my legs before black spots started appearing in my vision. Suddenly, I was too weak to hold the razor anymore. It fell to the floor as I fell back and hit my head on the wall. Just before I blacked out, I heard voices shouting. Someone would be here for me soon.

“I’m so, so sorry” I whispered. Not a second later, my world went black.

#twilight #twilight imagine #jasper whitlock #alice cullen #rosalie cullen #emmett cullen #jacob black #renesmee cullen #esme cullen #carlisle cullen #bella cullen #edward cullen #cullen family

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