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booksalwaysandforever · 4 years

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Holding on to the Memories Chapter 4- Finale

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Summary: Lauren’s life was a perfect dream, until one day it wasn’t. Cutting can distract you from life, but it can also take life away. Can Lauren get back home, or has it all been taken away from her?

Tag list: @kai-unknown

Warnings: Mentions of blood, cutting, medical stuff, ???

Length: 1,600 words

Thank you to everyone who has waited forever for this chapter. I suck at getting posts out and I am so so so sorry. This is the finale, I hope you like it. I will hopefully be adding another Twilight story soon, and some stories from my next obsession, Hamilton. As always, I am open to requests, and if you would like to be tagged in anything, let me know! Enjoy!

“Lauren, you’re awake!”

“You’re here!

“Brown bear, you’re okay!”

“Princess, you came home.”

“It’ll all be okay.”

“You’re okay and that’s all that matters.”

Looking around the room, everyone was overjoyed that I was awake, but ten voices were all talking at once, making it very hard to concentrate. I wished everyone would shut up. My head hurt and the room was currently spinning.

“Guys, be quiet,” Edward said sharply, cutting everyone off. “Lauren’s having a hard time concentrating with us all talking at once. Let’s calm down and give her a chance to breathe.”

A chorus of soft sorry’s floated around the room. Slowly, the headache dulled and the room stopped spinning. I was having a difficult time breathing as well, but there was a mask on my face helping me get oxygen into my lungs.

Once I was able to collect myself, I looked around the room to my family. Everyone looked so happy to see me awake, but also looked anxious. Almost like they expected me to stop breathing all of the sudden and die. I heard Edward snickering by the foot of my bed and looked to him just in time to see Bella smack his arm. I looked over to the left of my bed, in between Jasper and Alice, and Edward and Bella, is Esme and Carlisle.

“Mom, Dad,” I whimpered.

“Oh, Lauren!” Esme sobbed. “It’ll all be okay. I promise. Everything will be fine.”

“Lauren, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to talk,” Carlisle said. “I know it’s hard to talk with a breathing mask on. Let me explain what happened to you.” I shook my head slowly, so as not to give myself another headache. “You lost a lot of blood, and your body went into Hypovolemic shock. That’s why you are having such a hard time breathing and why you’re nauseous and have a headache. Although, the concussion you got from hitting your head on the side of the bathtub when you lost consciousness isn’t helping matters either. You have some stitches in your legs along the worse cuts as well.”

Memories of everything that had happened, the texts, the razor, the darkness, my parents, the memories, all of it came flooding back. I looked over to Jasper, and tried to squeeze his hand, but I could barely move my fingers. Luckily, he felt that little bit of motion and gave my hand a small squeeze in return.

“You saved me.” I whispered.

“What do you mean, Lauren?” Edward, can you explain? I thought. I was too tired to try and explain what had happened.

“Oh, sure Lauren. Jasper, you’re the reason Lauren woke up. When you kissed her, it gave her the strength to wake up. Without you, she wouldn’t be conscious right now.”

“Oh.” Jasper was at a loss for words. This was a first.

“Also,” Edward spoke, reading my thoughts and voicing them for me. “Lauren said that she knew her gift could make you cry.”

Jasper chuckled softly at that. “Yeah, you always know how to mess with my emotions.”

I gave him a small smile and closed my eyes. I was tired. Even though I had just woken up, a nap sounded amazing. But then again…..

“How....how long…” I croaked out.

“How long have you been out?” Edward said aloud for me. “You’ve been out for a week, but that’s not entirely your fault. You had an emergency surgery when you got here to repair your cut vein, and they’ve kept you in a medically induced coma until about 2 days ago, because you didn’t have enough blood in your body.”

A week? I’ve been out a week? What day was it?

“It’s April 29, Lauren,” Edward said in answer to my unsaid question. The 29th? That meant it was….

“Happy birthday,” Everyone said softly.

“It’s a birthday miracle,” Alice said. I wanted to talk myself and get Edward out of my head, so I began to take off my air mask.

“Lauren, please leave it on,” Carlisle said, stepping forward to keep me from taking the mask off. “You need all the help you can get.”

“I want to talk,” I groaned through the mask. “If I…” I took a slow, deep breath in. “If I can’t breathe, I’ll put it back on.” Carlisle reluctantly pulled his hand away and let me remove the mask.

“I’m really sorry,” I said in a small voice. Most people wouldn’t have been able to hear me, but luckily, my family was made of a bunch of vampires, a werewolf, and a hybrid vampire, who all had super hearing. I spoke slowly, trying to keep enough air in my body so that I wouldn’t pass out again. “I shouldn’t have done that. I just….I can’t deal with Maggie anymore. Ever since you all graduated, she’s gotten worse. Even with Renesmee there.” I started to cry. I knew it would only make my headache and dehydration worse, but I couldn’t help it. I’d been dealing with Maggie for a year without anyone’s help. Even with my vampire siblings and werewolf friends, I managed to hide it for the most part. Even if they knew, they still let me keep my privacy.

“Oh Lauren,” Rosalie said. “You don’t have to be sorry. We should’ve been there to help. We’ve known about Maggie the whole time, but we figured that if it was truly bothering you, you would’ve come to us to help you.”

“I just wanted to show that I could do something myself. That I didn’t need my siblings to come and save me. To prove that I wasn’t weak,” I sighed. As the little Cullen, my siblings would always be there, no matter what. Throughout my life, I was constantly teased about always having my siblings come to save the day. I had hoped that getting Maggie off of my back, I would be able to prove that I wouldn’t always need my siblings to fix everything, but I guess I was wrong.

“Lauren, don’t think like that. You have done a billion things without us. Mom and Dad have been worried that you don’t need them anymore for the past two years. You’ve taught yourself how to do almost everything you do. The junior math class you’re taking, you did that all on your own. You’re just that smart, and we only help you when you ask for it. You taught yourself how to dance. Even Jasper can’t dance like that and he’s the best.”

“Edward’s right.” Jasper said. I giggled lightly, but quickly stopped since it made my head hurt.

“I guess you’re right,” I admitted.

“I am right,” Edward said. “Ever since you were two, you refused help. I swear, you potty trained yourself. And as for cleaning up messes, if anything, you clean up our messes. You can easily lie and keep our secret from everyone else. You can see from the eyes of every other kid, and when we do something suspicious, you tell us how to make it look normal. You clean up our messes, not the other way around.”I gave my siblings a big grin.

“You do mess up a lot.” Everyone laughed at that. It was getting hard to breathe again, so I put the mask back on my face. Can I take a nap? I thought to Edward.

“Yes Lauren, you can take a nap.”

“I’ll go tell the nurses that you woke up and see if I can get you a nose cannula instead of the one you have,” Carlisle said before he walked out of the room. Not a second after he was gone, I fell fast asleep, a wave of calm hitting me like a brick. Thanks Jasper.

One week later, I was out of there. I could walk by myself, although it was rather slowly, I had my stitches out, I could go to the bathroom by myself, and I could keep my food down, for the most part. I had probably been in the hospital longer than I needed to be, but my father was my doctor, and a very overprotective one at that. The moment I was discharged, Emmett scooped me up and carried me out to the car.

“You know I can walk, right?”

“Yes, but you move slower than a turtle. If you were walking, it would take us years to get out of there.” Using my arm that was wrapped around his shoulders, I smacked him in the back of the head, rolling my eyes and grinning at him.

“Hey, that hurt,” he whined.

“Good”

Emmett set me in the back seat, letting me stretch out, while he climbed into the driver's seat and Rosalie sat in the passenger's seat. Everyone else seemed to have already left.

“Where’s mom and dad? And everyone else?” I asked.

“They’re at home already,” Rosalie said, almost as if she was hiding something.

“Why?”

“It’s a surprise,” Emmett said, grinning at me through the rear view mirror.

The whole way home I tried to convince them to tell me what the supprime was, but they wouldn’t budge. Eventually, I just gave up and spent the rest of the trip in silence.

As we pulled into the driveway, I saw that there were strands of lights on all the trees lining the way to the house. Standing on the porch, with two huge “Welcome Home” and “Happy Birthday” signs, was my family. Emmett parked the car and came to help me out.

As I got out, I realized that it wasn’t just my siblings, but everyone. Tanya, Kate, Garrett, Eleazer, Camren, Benjamin, Tia, Zafrina, Senna, Sue, Charlie, Billy, the entire pack, my siblings, my parents, everyone. They were all here, not only to celebrate my birthday, but to show just how much they cared for me. And I knew, from that day on, I would always be there for them, no matter what came my way. I would always hold onto the memories, the memories of love.

#twilight #twilight imagines #twilight imagine #carlisle cullen #esme cullen #bella cullen #edward cullen #renesmee cullen #jacob black #Emmett Cullen #rosalie cullen #alice cullen #jasper hale #jasper whitlock #sorry for the late post

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I'd care if the person I reblogged this from committed suicide.

Reblog this from anybody. literally. ANYBODY. even if you dont like them or even know them that well. YOU COULD SAVE THEIR LIFE.

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Holding on to the Memories Chapter 3

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Tag list: @kai-unknown

Length: almost 3000 words, it’s pretty long!

I’m so sorry, it has been forever since I posted. This chapter took a long time to write and I have had a rough couple weeks. I absolutely love this chapter and I hope you do too! I will try and get the next chapter out a lot faster than this one.

The darkness was all consuming. There was no way out, and no way to tell how long I had been here. It could’ve been 5 minutes or a month. I didn’t know.

All of a sudden, the darkness lit up with millions of colors. At first, I thought the light was back, but as I watched the scene in front of me unfold, I quickly realized that wasn’t it at all.

“Please, take care of her,” a woman, my birth mother, said as she handed a baby to Carlisle.

“We will take care of her and give her a life as grand as if she were a princess.” She smiled at the answer and closed her eyes as her breathing stopped. Carlisle turned to the baby in his arms. “Welcome to the family, Lauren. I promise to love you as if you were my own daughter, as I’m sure Esme and the rest of your siblings will as well.” With that, he turned and rushed away.

This was a memory. It was mine, but at the same time, it wasn’t. I was too young to remember this. It must’ve been Carlisle’s. It was the day he found and adopted me. Carlisle had been hunting nearby and could smell the blood. He came as fast as he could to see what had happened and if he could help. Sadly, my dad was killed on impact and my mother was severely hurt. Carlisle couldn’t save her, but before she died, she gave me to Carlisle, in hopes that he could give me an amazing life.

The memory quickly faded into another one.

“Everyone, I have some news,” Carlisle said as he walked through the door. “Meet your new little sister. Her parents were in a car crash and she has no other family, so she’ll be staying with us.”

Everyone piled around, getting a good look at their sister.

“Nessie,” Edward said, “she looks a little like you. And a lot like you did when you were human, Bella.”

“Yeah, brown hair, brown eyes, so similar.” Renesmee said, rolling her eyes as she moved closer to me. “Hi there girly. I’m Nessie, your big sister.” The little baby giggled and stretched their hands out to grab at Renesmee’s hand. When she got a hold of it, she pulled the fingers into her mouth and began sucking on them.

“I think she’s going to start using us all as teething rings,” Esme laughed as she reached her hands out to Carlisle. “Come here girly, Mommy wants to meet you.”

The moment Esme got her hands on the little girl, she began swaying side to side and humming to her. The baby was asleep within a minute.

“What’s her name, Carlisle?” Rosalie asked.

“Lauren Lee Stoel. She is about 4 months old I do believe. I have yet to see her official birth certificate, but I’m sure I will soon. The adoption process starts on Monday.”

“Wait, we’re actually adopting her?” Esme asked with a huge grin on her face.

“Yes dear. In a matter of months, she will officially be ours. She will officially be a Cullen.”

The scene faded again as another one began appearing. Renesmee was showing me as many memories as she could find, memories from my life, taken from the rest of my family, trying to help me wake up.

Esme opened the door to a room and walked in. I followed her in, but it was so dark, I couldn’t see anything. As my eyes adjusted, I realized it was the nursery. A baby, little me, was lying in a crib with Jasper sitting in the rocking chair nearby, reading a book.

“Jasper, what are you doing?” Esme quietly asked.

“I’m tryin’ to get used to her scent and calm ‘er down. She was fidgeting and having a nightmare, I think. I was gonna try and calm her down.”

Ever since that day, Jasper had been my best friend. Slowly, he had gotten used to me and every time I hurt myself or couldn’t sleep, he calmed me down.

The next memories were like pictures. There wasn’t much for talking, but there were short snippets of my life as a baby, captured like a picture.

Jasper was holding me and singing me to sleep while rocking in the rocking chair.

Rosalie was feeding me some mashed peas, which I had effectively flung back into her face. Everyone, including Rosalie, laughed.

Edward sat me in his lap, and was playing the piano. After a moment, I recognized the tune as my lullaby. I was banging on the piano as hard as I could, making it impossible for him to play.

Alice had dressed me up like a princess, practically in a ballgown. Baby me did not like that. I was screaming my lungs out and trying to pull it off.

Emmett was lying on the ground beside me, playing with me. After a few moments, I yawned and fell asleep. Emmett appeared not to notice and continued playing with my fascinating baby toys.

As I watched these pictures, I realized that Renesmee wasn’t in all of them. She must have talked to everyone, asking them to tell her about some memories they had of me, and she painted the picture in my head. It was almost like I was there with them, watching myself grow up.

“Oh Lauren! Look at you! You’re so grown up,” Rosalie cooed. Emmett was holding onto my hands, helping my almost one year old self walk across the living room floor. “Come here, come to Rosy”

I let go of Emmett’s hands and walked the small three steps into Rosalie’s arms.

“Oh! Lauren, you did it!” she gasped.

“Yeah, you can walk now!” Emmett shouted

And another memory. A birthday no less.

“Happy birfday to me!!” I cried as I shoved my entire face into the birthday cake Alice had made for my first birthday.

“See, this is why we had to strip her before we let her eat it,” Carlisle said. “Lauren, do you like cake?”

“Oooooh, cake. I like cake,”

“Esme, I don’t think a bath is going to clean her. We’re going to need a garden hose.”

“I’ll go get the power washer!”

Everyone laughed. “Emmett, no! You do not get to hose down your sister with the power washer.”

Images of my second, third, and fourth birthday all passed by, along with many different images of me playing games with my family, meeting the wolves and playing with them, and other random memories. None of them were very long, just a moment or two, but that didn’t mean they weren’t important to me.

“Emmett, Jasper, can you guys take Lauren and go shopping for food for her this afternoon? Your father has to work and the rest of us need to go hunting,” Esme asked the boys.

“Sure thing, Mom,” Jasper said as he grabbed the keys. Emmett helped me put my shoes on and buckled me into my booster seat.

“So, what do you want for supper Lauren?” Emmett asked, turning around in his seat to look at me.

“Pancakes. And Mac and Cheese. Oh! And chicken nuggets.” Jasper laughed.

“We’ll see what we can get you squirt.”

When we got to the store, Emmett and Jasper followed me around the store and let me pick out anything I wanted. The best part of being the youngest kid was that all of my older siblings didn’t have the ability to say no to me. After 30 minutes of following me around the store, we walked out with several bags, mostly consisting of sugar, and brought them to the car.

After spending the afternoon playing games and running around the house with Emmett and Jasper, everyone came home.

“So, how was shopping, boys?” Esme asked.

“Good, we got everything Lauren wanted.”

“Oh no. No no no.” Esme put her head in her hands. “Please tell me you bought more than just donuts, ice cream, and candy bars.”

“Don’t worry, we did. We also got her some fruit snacks, fruit roll ups, juice boxes, popsicles, and chocolate milk,” said Emmett with an innocent grin on his face.

“And some Mac and cheese, chicken nuggets, yogurt, fish sticks, and stuff for pancakes and waffles. Don’t worry, there is some actual food in there,” Jasper said, laughing at Esme’s horrified face.

“So Lauren, what do you want to be for Halloween?” Jacob asked me.

“That’s a secret. You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Jacob always took Renesmee and I trick or treating. Renesmee was only one year older than my four year old self, so she passed for a young teenager. People still gave her candy when she was with me, so we always went together. Most of the time, it was too sunny out when we started trick or treating so none of the rest of the family could come.

A week later, it was time to go trick or treating. Alice was in my room helping me get ready.

“Lauren, are you almost ready? We need to go before all the good candy is gone,” Jacob called from down the stairs.

“I’m coming. I’m coming,” I shouted back. As I walked down the stairs, Jacob started laughing. I was dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood, and Renesmee and I convinced him to be a wolf. Renesmee was dressed as a grandma to follow along with the whole scheme.

“See, we match!”

From that day on, Jacob always called me Little Red. My Halloween costumes had earned me several nicknames. I dressed up as a bear for Emmett one year and he had begun to call me “brown bear”. I became known as “spider monkey” to Edward because I dressed up as a spider monkey one year for him, and the fact that I would always climb on everything when I was little. To Jasper, I was his “mini major”. I had dressed up as a cowgirl once and I often had a bit of a temper and was pretty sassy. The best Halloween costume though, was when I dressed up as a vampire. Alice and Edward helped me get red contacts, fake fangs, a cape, and everything else to help me look like a vampire in movies, even some fake blood and red juice to drink. Everyone loved it. It was by far, the best Halloween costume ever.

“Can I please know what my birthday present is?” I asked. Jasper had blind folded me and had slung me over his shoulder while he carried me somewhere.

“No. It’s a surprise.”

“Come on, please? Pretty please? I’m seven now. I should get to know.”

“No.”

“Wow, this is one of the first times you’ve said no.” Jasper laughed.

“We’ve all had a hard time saying no to you since you’re so cute.”

“I’m not cute,” I exclaimed as I hit him as hard as I could without hurting myself. “Rosalie says I’m beautiful. Also, your shoulder hurts. It’s too hard. I’m going to break my hand one of these days from smacking you or Emmett.” Jasper laughed at me again.

“Then maybe don’t hit us.”

“But you deserve to be hit.”

“I agree with Lauren.” Rosalie said, standing somewhere beside me. Jasper set me down on the ground. I could tell we were outside due to the sound of the creek and the breeze blowing my hair.

“Okay, are you ready to see your birthday present?”

“Yes. I’ve been waiting a whole year!” Everyone laughed.

“Okay then.”

Rosalie untied the blindfold and everyone at the party began singing happy birthday. My family, the pack, Grandpa Charlie, Grandma Sue, Grandpa Billy, and even my aunts and uncles from Alaska were there. Alice had made this a huge party, with fairy lights hanging from the trees, a huge banner that said “Happy 7th birthday, Lauren” in fancy calligraphy, and a huge birthday cake. But the coolest thing I saw was a swimming pool with a diving board and slide, a trampoline, and a tree house in the climbing tree.

“A tree house, a pool, and a trampoline?” I exclaimed, jumping up and down.

“Yes dear,” said Carlisle. “You’ve been begging us to get at least one for a while and you’ve been doing amazing in school, so we decided to let you have all three.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I shouted as I gave him and Esme hugs. I ran over to the trampoline, and Seth, Jacob, Emmett, and Jasper followed me.

“Boys,” Esme called. “That is Lauren’s gift. Let's not break it on the first day.”

A billion more memories went through my head. Memories of riding on Jacob’s back through the forest and going on runs with all of my siblings and the rest of the pack. Memories of playing tons of board games and video games with Emmett and Jasper, learning to play piano with Edward, and learning to dance with all my brothers and Dad. Going shopping with Rosalie, Alice, and Bella, spending the night at Renesmee’s house and her spending the night with me. Having sleepovers at Grandpa Charlie and Grandma Sue’s house, sleepovers with the pack at Sam and Emily’s house, and even sleepovers in Alaska with Aunt Tanya, Aunt Kate, and Uncle Garrett. Making a flower crown for everyone in the Volturi when they came to visit, making Marcus smile for the first time in a very long time, pretending to be a vampire princess when I visited their palace. Singing and dancing for my entire family, playing tag with everyone, only for it to end with someone catching me, throwing me in the air, and tickling me. Memories of things like going tubing, or to an amusement park with Renesmee, Jacob, Seth, and sometimes the rest of the pack. Even just simple things like blasting music in the car on the way to school, or seeing everyone in the front row at one of my dance recitals. Every one of those billion memories reminded me of why I needed to fight to stay. I needed to hold on to these memories and go home. But how?

One last memory plays in my mind. This one definitely wasn’t mine, but it was everyone else's.

My entire family was there, standing in a hospital room, crowded around a bed. My bed. Renesmee was sitting next to me, on my right side near the window, holding her hand to my cheek. Jasper was sitting on my other side holding my hand, while Alice was standing behind him. Esme and Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett, Edward and Bella, and Jacob were all standing around my bed. Edward spoke first.

“As you’ve realized, Renesmee has been playing as many memories as she could find for you to try and wake you up. So far, it hasn’t helped. I hope this does. We need you to come back, Lauren.”

“Brown bear, come home,” Emmett whispered just loud enough for everyone to hear. “We’ve got to play Cards Against Humanity.”

“Lauren, we found your gifts,” Rosalie said, reaching for the locket around her neck. “I love it. And I promise,” she said, opening the locket to reveal the picture inside. “I didn’t put anything embarrassing in here.”

Esme’s crying was worse than it had ever been. Her body was shaking with sobs, which was very unusual for a vampire. She was turned into Carlisle’s body, who was holding her, but he looked like he was going to collapse himself.

“Princess, please. We need you,” was all he could choke out in a hoarse whisper. My dad was never like this. He was always cool, calm, collected. Right now, he looked like a mess. I had broken my Dad. And that broke my heart.

“Little Red, the pack needs you too.” Jacob said from behind Renesmee. “They’ve all been a mess. Especially Seth and Leah. They haven’t slept or eaten in days. We need you. Fight. Please, please fight.”

“Lauren, I need my best friend. I need help eating all the candy and ice cream at home, help beating the boys at every video game we own, help pulling all nighters and watching every movie for the six millionth time. I can’t do that without you. I can’t do it without my best friend and sister.”

Both Bella and Alice couldn’t talk, they were sobbing too hard. I left Alice speechless for the first time ever.

“I love you too.” That was all Jasper could say. I had never seen him cry. Jasper did not cry. Not once. But now, he was. My big brother, the Major, the strongest of us all, was crying, no, sobbing. And it was all my fault. Slowly, Jasper leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

That kiss was true love. My brother loved me more than anything, and that was what fought the darkness. The feeling of his lips leaving my head were the first thing I could feel. That and his cold hand in mine felt amazing against my burning skin. Now, I could hear the sounds of everyone's sobs in my own ears. I was regaining consciousness! I had fought the darkness and now I could go home. I forced my eyes open and looked at my family, who, other than Alice and Edward, had no idea I was awake. Alice had gasped the moment Jasper had decided to kiss my head, so everyone turned to look at her.

“Jasper” I croaked. Everyone turned their heads to me as fast as they could, disbelief filling their eyes.

“Lauren!”

#twilight #twilight imagine #Cullen Family #carlisle cullen #esme cullen #edward cullen #bella cullen #renesmee cullen #jacob black #jasper hale #jasper whitlock #rosalie cullen #rosalie twilight #alice cullen #Emmett Cullen #twilight imagines

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booksalwaysandforever · 4 years

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booksalwaysandforever · 4 years

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You’re My Major- Jasper Hale-Series Master List

Gifs/Pictures do not belong to me unless stated. Story does belong to me. The movies/books the story is based on, do not belong to me. The two OCs, Alexia Swan and Kevin Hale do belong to me.

Summary: Alexia Swan’s life has been turned upside when Bella goes to Italy to chase her boyfriend. When they come back, Alexia is informed they have to be changed soon or else they will be killed. Ally’s plate is now full with Victoria showing up for her revenge. What will happen to Ally and Jasper? Do they actually get to spend Forever together?

Warnings: Cussing, Angst, Supernatural, Paranormal, Love, Bella-Bashing.

First in Series- You’re My Monster

Second in Series- You’re My Love

Third- You Are Here

Chapter 1

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booksalwaysandforever · 4 years

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Is there a part 2 to the story?

Yes, there is. Here is the link too: Chapter 2

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booksalwaysandforever · 4 years

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Holding on to the Memories Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Let me know if you would like to be tagged in any future chapters and I will make it happen. Also, I am always open to requests for other stories and ideas for future chapters.

I myself have been suffering from depression lately and have almost began cutting. If you struggle with this too, know that, if you have no one else to turn to, I will always be here to try and help. No one should have to resort to cutting or suicide. You are too valuable. I hope you can find someone to help before it’s too late.

Warnings: Blood, very sad and will make you cry.

Length: About 1,400 words, considerably shorter than the first chapter

“She’s bleeding out. Carlisle, we need to do something! We can’t just wait here for the ambulance!” A voice said, pulling me out of the darkness. It sounded like Rosalie. Someone answered with a soft, worried voice. I couldn’t make out what they said, nor could I tell who was talking. I didn’t open my eyes. I wanted to go back to the darkness. The dark was quiet, peaceful. Here, it was loud, and bright, and very painful. My legs burned like they were on fire and my head was throbbing. I just wanted to go back to sleep.

“Lauren, please come back to me, please princess.”

Jasper. That voice belonged to Jasper. He sounded like he was in pain. I felt the darkness trying to consume me again, but this time I fought it. I had to let my big brother know how sorry I was for making him feel this pain. I pulled my eyes open and looked around. I was still laying on the bathroom floor, in a pool of my own blood. Esme and Jasper were with me, Jasper sitting right next to me, running his hand through my hair, while Esme sat on the edge of the bathtub above us. Her eyes were closed and it looked like she was praying. She was making weird choking sounds, which meant she was crying. The rest of my siblings were in the hallway, talking to Carlisle. Why were we still here? Shouldn’t they have taken me to the hospital by now? Jasper had noticed that my eyes were open so he moved closer to me.

“Lauren! Thank god. You’ll be okay, we’re all here for you. It’s all okay. You’ll be okay,” he assured me, as he continued running his hand through my hair. Everyone stopped talking and came to the door frame to see me. Esme dropped to her knees beside me, right into the blood. Edward spoke up.

“An ambulance is coming for you Lauren. You’ve lost so much blood, we can’t move you unless we have an ambulance to keep you stable. Otherwise we risk losing you,” Edward said, answering my question. I was glad for the answer, but I was getting sleepy again. Maybe if I closed my eyes for just a second....

“Lauren” Carlisle said desperately as my eyes began to close, “please stay awake, at least until the ambulance gets here. Please.” My eyes snapped open and I tried to nod. I looked over at Esme, who looked like she was sobbing.

“Mom,” I whispered as I started crying. Everything hurt and I wanted it all to stop. I just wanted to fall asleep in her arms and never wake up.

“Oh, sweetheart, you’ll be okay. We’ll make sure you’re okay, I promise.” She whispered into my hair. I turned my head slightly to look at Jasper. He looked like he was in so much pain. Wait a minute, he really was. He could feel all my pain as though it was his. I fought as hard as I could to stay conscious.

“Jaz,” I whimpered. “I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore, the darkness was too strong. As the darkness pulled me in, I swore I heard the sound of sirens in the distance.

Once again, my world was dark. No pain, no sound, no nothing. All of the sudden, in the distance, there was a light. The light grew brighter and brighter as it grew closer. Two people were standing there, waiting to greet me.

One was a woman, the same height as me, with shoulder length, brown hair just like me, and bright blue eyes. The other was a man, several inches taller that both of us, with shortly cropped black hair and sparkling brown eyes like mine. Both were wearing white and were smiling at me.

“Mom, Dad?” I recognized them from the image Renesmee had shown me a few years ago, when I wanted to know everything I could about my real parents.

“Hi dear,” my mother answered. “You’ve grown up so much since the last time we saw you. Well, the last time you saw us.”

“Well, it has been 15 and a half years. I..am...what’s….”

“No, you’re not dead Lauren,” she said in response to my unsaid question, “Not yet anyways.”

“Not yet?’

“Here, let me show you.” She locked arms with me and walked with me to a scene a few feet away. Some paramedics were loading a stretcher into the back of an ambulance. One of the paramedics walked straight through me.

“Are we ghosts?” I asked.

“Well, technically speaking, yes.”

“Technically speaking? So technically we aren’t? What are we then?”

My mother smiled a tight, thin lipped smile. “You will find out someday. For now, watch the scene. Who is that person they are working on?”

I walked closer to the stretcher in the back of the ambulance. It was difficult to see who it was through the oxygen mask on their face, but after a moment I realized that that person was, “Me.”

“Pulse is lowering,” one of the paramedics called. “We need to get her to the hospital NOW!”

The back of the ambulance door slammed in my face and the vehicle took off down the road.

“My, my heart is stopping,” I stuttered. My mother's face was becoming clearer and clearer.

“Yes, dear. You aren’t dead, but you are dying. And you will die if you don’t choose to fight.”

“Fight?”

“Yes, fight. Fight the light, stay in the darkness. And when you’ve fought the light, fight the darkness. Fight to go back home to your family,” she said as she motioned to my family, standing not far from where the ambulance stood a moment ago.

Everyone looked like they would be crying if they could. Esme was curled into Carlisle’s chest, making the worst choking noises I had ever heard. She was bawling. Carlisle had an arm around her and was telling her that everything would be alright, but he looked very worried. Alice stood frozen in place, trying to see my future, but failing. Emmett was sitting on the ground, being held by Rosalie. Neither of them was “crying” but they looked like they could be. Bella was hugging Renesmee, and was bawling like Esme. Renesmee had a blank face, as though she couldn’t believe everything that had happened. Jacob was nowhere to be seen, but at that moment, a piercing howl was heard from the woods nearby. Of course, Jacob could always handle things better when he was in his wolf form. Several more followed and I knew the entire wolf pack was with him, crying for me. The worst person to see was Jasper. I had never seen my brother cry before, but he was. He was on his knees, bawling just like Esme and Bella. My big brother was the strongest person out there. He didn’t break down like this, he kept going. Even when Maria had used him, he stayed strong. But even the strong have their limits and can fall. This was my brother’s breaking point. I had meant to save him from my pain, and did, except for the fact that I had caused him more of his own pain. More than he could handle.

Suddenly, Edward spoke. “Lauren, I can’t read your mind anymore, but I know you’re here.”

I whipped around and sure enough, there was Edward, right beside me, looking straight at me. Everyone looked at Edward like he was crazy before he spoke again.

“Please, listen to your mother Lauren. Fight. Fight to live. Fight to be with us. Life is hard, I know it. But myself, all of us,” he motioned to the rest of the family. “We can help you. Please, Lauren, Fight. Fight for life, fight for us. We need you.”

“Lauren,” my mom turned to me. “Your brother is right. You need to fight for your family. Stay with them. Your father and I will be right here, right beside you, watching over you. No matter what happens, we’ll be here. We love you.”

“But, what if I can’t do it? What if I’m not strong enough to fight the light?”

“Then we’ll be right here for you with open arms. But please, at least try. You never know if you don’t try.”

“I love you Mom. I won’t forget you guys.”

“We love you too,” my dad said, appearing beside Mom. “Now go, fight.”

The scene began fading until it was dark and all I could see was my parents, standing in front of me. “Goodbye,” I whispered as my world went dark yet again. I would fight. No matter what, I would fight to go home to my family.

#twilight #twilight imagine #jasper whitlock #jasper hale #alice cullen #rosalie cullen #rosalie twilight #emmett cullen #edward cullen #bella cullen #esme cullen #carlisle cullen #renesmee cullen #jacob black

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booksalwaysandforever · 4 years

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Happy Thursday

thursday needs a meme, here’s my attempt to contribute. it’s thursday and i’m here to help. thanks

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booksalwaysandforever · 4 years

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How to write a kiss

Rebloggable version, as requested by davrosbro. :)

Oooh! Yes! I love kisses. Kisses are where it all starts ;).

Okay, first, remember that a kiss is much, much more than just lips. It is lips, but also tongues, teeth, eyes, faces, hands, noses, bodies, heartbeats, breath, voice- and most importantly, a kiss is emotions. A kiss without emotion is just wet mushy lips stuck together. Ew. Gross. The most important part of a kiss isn’t the how, but the who- because of the emotions between the two people.

Okay so:

lips- Lips can slide, glide over each other smoothly, or they can be chapped and rough and dry and get stuck on each other. They can match, top-to-top and bottom-to-bottom, or they can overlap, with one person’s top or bottom lip captured between the other person’s lips (yummy). If there is lipstick or chapstick there is lipstick or chapstick flavor, otherwise, lips don’t have a taste (can you taste yours?). Lips also can smack- the sound of two of them coming together or pulling apart, because they’re wet and warm and soft.

tongue- Tongues are always wet, and always warm. They’re very versatile. They can trace over lips, teeth, or another tongue. They can be smooth and graceful or teasing and flicking. When tongues are involved, there is drool. It’s only sexy when you like the person you’re kissing, or else it’s kinda gross. :P

teeth- teeth can clack together awkwardly, or teeth can bite down sensually. A person biting their own lip is cute, a person biting another’s lips is sexy. A person biting gently is sensual, a person biting roughly is sexual.

eyes- Eyes can be wide open with surprise, half-lidded with desire, fully closed with pleasure. Eyes can gaze lovingly, lustfully, wistfully, hungrily, seductively- it all depends upon the emotions of your characters. Have them do whatever you like, but don’t leave them out- give them at least a mention!

faces- Faces are what the lips are attached to. Noses bump, cheeks flush, ears turn red, foreheads either wrinkle or relax. Kisses can leave lips, quite easily, and become kisses on chins, cheeks, noses, foreheads, ears, necks, throats. Kisses on noses or foreheads are cute and adorable, kisses on cheeks are sweet, kisses on chins, ears, and throats are very sexual. And a kiss on the lips can be all of those! <3

hands- Hands are super-important. In order to describe a kiss, usually you want to also describe the hands. Where are they? Does one character have their hand behind the other’s head or back, holding them close? Are they on someone’s shoulders pulling them near, or pushing them away? Fingers brushing someone’s cheek or palms grabbing someone’s ass convey two very different kinds of situations, even if the kiss itself is exactly the same.

noses- Noses are annoying. They easily get in the way, especially for first kisses! People have to tilt their head to one side or the other, and if they don’t, noses bump. I’d only mention noses if a kiss is supposed to be awkward or uncertain or nervous.

bodies- bodies are either close together, or far away. Someone can be surrounded comfortingly by someone’s arms, or terrifyingly trapped by them. Bodies are warm or hot, they are calm or nervous, relaxed or tense. Body language says a lot. Is your character pulling away, or moving closer?

heartbeat- Hearts can beat fast or slow, and that’s about all they can do- but there are lots of reasons why they do! A heart can beat fast with fear or excitement or nervousness; a heart can pound with lust or race with terror or sing with joy. Hearts can glow, cower, or shatter. When you really want to drive the emotions of a character home, mention the heart.

breath- To me, the most consuming part of a kiss is the breath. The air that someone else has just breathed going deep into your lungs is very intimate. Lips and tongues don’t have a taste, but breath does. Each person’s breath tastes different, smells different, and surrounds a person differently than anyone else’s breath. Breath can be warm and sweet, breath can be hot and sexy, breath can be hot and frightening. It is something that is very present and should not be left out. A lot of writers leave breath out. And it’s so important; it’s the most intimate part of a kiss. Someone else is breathing into your lungs, and it’s either heaven or it’s hell.

voice- Voice conveys much, even without words. A voice can groan, whimper, gasp, moan, catch, whine, scream, sigh. Voice can convey emotion powerfully, and while some kisses are silent, usually they’re not.

emotion- Emotion is the most important- and the thing you try not to say. You want to describe it, through all of the things above, so that it’s perfectly clear what your characters are feeling, without you ever using the “feelings words”. If they’re in love, their bodies will lean close, their eyes will smile, their voices will giggle softly. If they’re nervous, their palms will sweat, their noses will bump, their voices will shudder. If they’re afraid, their muscles will be tense, their faces will grimace, their lips will not open. Emotion is the color that you keep inside your mind as you write; it’s the base line that drives the description behind everything else you say.

Wow, that was a lot! Gosh I hope it wasn’t too much! Keep in mind not every kiss has all these things- this is just a list of things to consider when writing a kiss, and based on how long of a kiss you want to make. Keep in mind that typing “they kissed for a long time”…that’s six words, it takes half a second to read, so that’s a short kiss! If you want a long kiss, you need long sentences that make the reader linger.

So maybe to start off, pick three things on the list to describe in your first kiss. Don’t try to do it all- that would be too much for even the most epic kiss. Just pick what’s most important to this particular scene, to these particular characters, and describe those parts along with the lips, and you’ve got yourself an awesome, emotional kiss. <3

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booksalwaysandforever · 4 years

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Holding on to the Memories

So, this is my first time writing, so forgive me if it’s terrible. I have been in the twilight mood lately, so this is my twilight fanfic. Also, I am always open to story requests, suggestions for future chapters, and helpful criticism.

Summary: Lauren is the Cullen’s adopted baby sister. Her life has always been a dream. One day, while the everyone is out hunting, life isn’t a dream anymore.

Warnings: Self harm, bullying, very very sad and will make you cry.

Length: pretty long

Chapter 1

“You guys mean to tell me that I get to be home alone all day?!” I squealed excitedly.

“Yes, dear. We all need to hunt, and Renesmee and Jacob are down at the beach with the rest of the pack.” Carlisle said with a small smile on his face, happy that I was so excited.

“I didn’t think you’d be so happy to get rid of us, brown bear.” Emmett said as he ruffled my hair slightly. I gave him a small glare as he used my nickname from when I was little.

“I am excited, Emmett. This means that I get to control the TV for once.” Everyone started laughing as Emmett frowned at you.

“I don’t control it that much, do I?”

“Yes, you do.” Everyone said in unison.

“Plus,” I started, “I will be free of having 8 vampires watching my every move, there will be no one digging around in my head,” I scowled at Edward who gave me an apologetic look, “and no one will be able to mess with my emotions,” I finished as I glared at Jasper.

“It’s not our fault we’re vampires and you’re our human sister,” Jasper said.

“I know that, but that still doesn’t mean I like it when you mess with my emotions.” I said as I gave him a small scowl. “Nor do I like it when people dig through my head or know what I’m going to do before I even do it. I can never surprise you guys,” I pouted.

“Hey, we act surprised, don’t we?” Edward pointed out.

“It’s not the same!” I complained, earning myself a laugh from everyone. “Okay, you guys should go now. All of your eyes are pitch black. It’s kinda scaring me.”

Everyone laughed again and gave me a hug as they walked out to their cars.

“We’ll be gone until after supper tonight, so you’re on your own for meals.” Esme told me as she gave me one last hug.

“Mom, I know. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. If I need anything, I’ll call Jacob and Renesmee and they’ll come home. And if something really bad happens, I will call you or dad or Emmett or Jasper or Rose or any of you and you’ll all come running. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay.”

“Oh honey, I know you’ll be okay. I just want to be sure.” She gave me another hug and kiss.

“Dad, can you come get Mom?” I called. “Unless you come and get her, I don’t think she’s going to leave.”

“Darling, Lauren will be okay. She’s 15 almost 16, she’ll be alright staying home for one day.” Carlisle said, suddenly appearing at my side.

“Thanks. I know the drill, call Jacob and Renesmee first and then you guys. Now go! Bella and Jasper look like they’re going to snap soon.” I said as I tried to push them to the door.

“Alright, bye sweetheart. We’ll be back before you know it. Just try not to break anything. Don’t do anything Emmett would do.” Carlisle said with a small grin on his face.

“Hey!” Came a shout from outside. I started to giggle because as much as Emmett hated it, Carlisle was right.

“Okay Dad. Bye, love you.” I said as I gave him his last hug. “Bye guys! See you later! Catch a big bear for me, Emmett!”

Everyone shouted out their goodbyes and I love you’s as they drove away. I stood in the doorway for a moment longer and then raced back into the house to enjoy my day alone.

I spent a good portion of the morning wrapping and putting the finishing touches on gifts for my family. It was going to be my 16th birthday in less than a week, but I wanted to give everyone else gifts. I already had everything I could ever want, and all I really wanted for my birthday was to see everyone smile. So I decided to give them all gifts. It also gave me something to work on in my spare time.

I was going to give Alice a snow globe of two sisters ice skating. She and I had started a collection of snow globes together when I was a couple years old. We added to it every time we went on a shopping trip or anytime one of us had a birthday.

Rosalie was going to get a beautiful locket, with an inscription inside that said A sister is worth 1,000 friends. Hopefully she wouldn’t put an embarrassing picture of me in there.

Emmett was going to get the games Cards Against Humanity and What Do You Meme. Little did he know, I was going to kick his butt when I played with him.

For Bella, I got her a new charm for her bracelet. Currently, there are only three charms. Jacob’s wolf, Edward’s diamond heart, and the Cullen crest. I was giving her a small open book, because when I was a kid, she read a lot of books to me and gave me over half of the books in my collection. I owe my love of reading to her.

Edward’s gift was a bit more difficult, but I think he’ll like what I gave him. It was a handmade book of all our favorite songs. My lullaby, both Renesmee and Bella’s lullabies, some of my favorite songs, and a few of his favorite songs. I painted the front cover of the binder with a beautiful collage of music notes and pictures of him and I playing the piano. He didn’t really need the music for all the songs, what with his vampire memory and all, but this way Edward would always have a part of me.

Carlisle had always loved my paintings, so I made him one that he could hang in his office at work. It wasn’t anything too complex, just a rainbow watercolor background and a stethoscope twisted into a heart, but I’m sure he would love it.

For Esme, I made a cookbook filled with my favorite foods that she had made me over the years, and a few new ones for her to try. Like Edward, she didn’t really need the recipes, but she loved having things I made. On the front of the book, I had painted a collage of different foods like a meatball sub, cookies, cupcakes, salad, and lots of other things. Hidden in one of the back pages, were pictures of the entire family throughout the past 16 years. One when I was a baby, one when I was a toddler, when I was six, 10, 14, and a few weeks ago. It was the perfect gift for a mother.

I wasn’t nearly as close to Jacob as I was to everyone else, but I got him a gift too. He was still my big brother. I gave him my best wolf drawing, and a dog tag with a heart cut out of the middle. That heart was attached to a necklace I would keep.

For Renesmee, I made a box filled with her favorite candy, a photo album of us growing up together, and a best friend forever bracelet. To me, Renesmee was more like my best friend. We had sleepovers together all the time, watched movies all night long while stuffing our faces with junk food, and went everywhere together. Since she didn’t sparkle in the sunlight as much as the rest of the family, I could bring her to places like the beach or an amusement park on a sunny day without drawing attention.

The hardest person to find a gift for was Jasper. For as long as I could remember, Jasper had been the person I turned to for everything. When I scraped my knee when I was little, when I needed help in school, when I was bored out of my mind and wanted someone to play a game with me, it was always Jasper I turned to. I gave him a CD, and a stuffed horse. Jasper said he always loved it when I was singing. Whether I was humming to myself or singing my heart out to my favorite song, he said he had always loved it. So, the CD was full of me singing my favorite songs, and songs he used to sing to me when I was little. The stuffed horse held a speaker inside, so that whenever you squeezed it, you would hear me say “I love you”. I bet that if he could cry, he would.

When I was finished with the gifts, I played the piano and my guitar for a while. Edward was finally teaching me how to play my lullaby on the piano, and I was teaching myself all of my favorite songs on the guitar. I got bored pretty quickly, so I turned on the movie 10 Things I Hate About You, one of my favorites, and made myself lunch.

After lunch, I decided to turn on the TV and see if anything good was on. At that moment, an ad for a new movie came on the TV. I didn’t see what the name was, but I really didn’t want to know. Although I had only seen a few seconds, the image of a “vampire” holding a young girl in a headlock was enough for me. I lived in a world full of vampires and I knew the risks, but I always tried to push them out of my head. Plus, I was always with one of my siblings, or my parents, so I never really had to worry. They would protect me, no matter what. However, at the moment, I was all by myself. My family was the largest coven of vampires, aside from the Volturi, and every vampire that came through this was stopped at our house. Most of the time, my siblings were able to hide with me in my room and keep me safe. But they were probably in Colorado or Wyoming, up in the mountains at this point. What would happen if a rogue vampire came through here? What if they lost all control when they smelled me? What if Jacob and Renesmee couldn’t get to me soon enough to save me?

A million what ifs crossed my mind as my anxiety got a hold of me. I had had attacks like this before, but one of my siblings was always there to help me. Jasper could always calm me down, Edward could answer every question that crossed my mind, and everyone else would just hug me and remind me that everything was okay until I had managed to calm myself down. But I was all alone. Nobody was here to keep me from my own mind, to keep me from spiraling into a dark place. My head was spinning, my stomach hurt, and I could hardly breathe. I raced to the bathroom, running into almost every piece of furniture on my way there.

In less than 5 minutes, I had thrown up everything I had eaten that day. Currently, my stomach was heaving as though it wanted to throw up, but there was nothing left in my stomach. I began focusing on my breathing, trying to calm myself down. If I could get my breathing under control, I could work through every question in my head. As soon as I had calmed myself enough to make the room stop spinning, I heard my phone buzz. Hoping it was Alice, checking up on me, I reached up to grab it from the edge of the sink.

Much to my dismay, it wasn’t Alice. It was the complete opposite. Maggie was texting me once again. For years, she had been making fun of me and tried to bully me into doing whatever she wanted me to do. When my family moved here to Forks, when I was in sixth grade, she hated the fact that I was getting most of the attention. She didn’t do much harm for the first year and a half, but she kept looking for things to make me snap. She began breaking into my locker, ripping up my papers and writing insults about the teachers on others. The teachers never believed me, so I was always getting in trouble. After I had successfully gotten suspended at the end of seventh grade, she stopped, for about a year. Then things got worse. Way worse. Every day, I would find an insult about my clothes, body, family, everything. I tried my hardest to ignore it, but I just couldn’t. Now that almost all of my siblings, other than Renesmee who pretended to be only 2 years older than me and would graduate in May, had graduated and weren’t in school with me anymore, Maggie took that to heart. She had sent me a picture and a video of me. I knew I shouldn’t look at it, but Maggie liked to blackmail me and post crap about me online, so I looked, just in case she would try to do something. There was a message with the picture.

Wow, look at this girl in a swimsuit. She looks absolutely terrible. Look at the stretch marks on her stomach, she’s so fat!

That was the reason I never wore a bikini. I didn’t necessarily think I was fat, but I did have some small stretch marks on the bottom of my stomach. I was already self conscious, but this just made things a whole lot worse. I didn’t want to look at the video, but I did.

It was a video of me and my ex boyfriend James. We didn’t date long, but we did for a few months last year. It was a video of us making out in a closet. I remember that, we played seven minutes of heaven at Maggie’s birthday party last year. Why the hell did she video tape it? My phone buzzed with one last text from Maggie.

It almost looks like they’re having sex. Wouldn’t it be a shame if someone posted it on the school Instagram feed for everyone to see?

At that moment, there was a new post to the school Instagram page by Maggie. That bitch! Why the hell would she do that. I chucked my phone across the bathroom as hard as I could, managing to shatter the screen and a tile fell off the wall. Sobs racked my body. I couldn’t breathe. The only way to breathe again was to take my mind off what had happened. But how? That’s when I spotted my razor on the edge of the bathtub.

The only way to get my mind off everything was pain. My phone started buzzing and wouldn’t stop. I knew it was Alice calling me, but I ignored it.My phone was so smashed from being thrown across the room, it probably wouldn’t answer anyways. I looked at myself in the mirror.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered to my shaking reflection. I pressed the razor into my leg and pulled it across my skin. It hurt like hell, but that was a minor detail. I continued to cut until blood started gushing out of my last pass. Shit, I had cut my vein. I didn’t want to die, did I? I loved my family, but....I didn’t want to deal with life anymore. I didn’t want to feel pain anymore, nor did I want Jasper or anyone else to suffer with me. I didn’t want to live anymore. It was too hard. This was easier. I managed to make a few more cuts in my legs before black spots started appearing in my vision. Suddenly, I was too weak to hold the razor anymore. It fell to the floor as I fell back and hit my head on the wall. Just before I blacked out, I heard voices shouting. Someone would be here for me soon.

“I’m so, so sorry” I whispered. Not a second later, my world went black.

#twilight #twilight imagine #jasper whitlock #alice cullen #rosalie cullen #emmett cullen #jacob black #renesmee cullen #esme cullen #carlisle cullen #bella cullen #edward cullen #cullen family

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