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magpiemorality · 4 years

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“I made a bet. I lost. It’s simple as that.” With Platonic Janus and Virgil?

I’m hot, from the bones to the flesh. + Prinxiety - Anonymous

So many POV shifts, this is messy AF, but it felt most natural to write it like this and I am loathe to edit it into something not as fun!

AO3

***

Roman shrieked, running through the hallway and crashing through the door to his best friend’s dorm room, slamming the door shut behind him. Remus looked up with a raised eyebrow, giving the other guy a once over before hitting pause on his ps4 and pulling his headphones down around his neck.

“Okay what the f-”

“He’s a monster!” Roman yelled, beginning to pace. “An actual monster! I think he wants me to suffer!”

“Is this about-”

“Virgil! My evil roommate!”

“... Right.” Remus mentally prepared himself not to go back to gaming anytime soon and got comfortable as Roman’s vent began.

Five weeks ago they’d moved into their new dorms with bright smiles and heaps of enthusiasm, pleased to be in the same building, on the same floor, even if they weren’t rooming together. Remus had lucked out with Patton, the nicest guy to ever nice, who didn’t mind his odd hours and strange taste in decor. In fact Patton had seemed delighted to have someone to parent, by virtue of being the oldest in a family of six, and only a little morbidly fascinated by the chaos gremlin that was Remus on a daily basis. The going theory was that Patton was probably from a pretty conservative upbringing, and Remus was either his gay awakening or just his introduction into the reality of college boyhood. The bet was still ongoing but Roman remained hopeful.

So yeah, Remus had got very lucky. Roman on the other hand, had been stuck with Virgil. Virgil who was beyond weird. Roman could have handled weird, but Virgil seemed more determined to mess with Roman’s head, and boy was it working.

“He said, get this- he thinks his eyeshadow is starting to tattoo into his face, but he needs to sleep on his face more. But he’ll use a straw so he doesn’t suffocate overnight. He can’t be real, Remus! And then when I went to close the window because it was getting cold he just, he just said, oh what was it? Yeah! ‘I’m hot, from the bones to the flesh’. What does that even mean?!” Roman wailed, arms wildly flailing to express just how passionately outraged he was. Remus just stifled a snort and the thought that Virgil sounded pretty great fun, offering Roman a vague humming sound of sympathy and a pat on the shoulder. Roman never really needed much of a conversation in these moments anyway, he’d be fine just monologuing.

Several dorm rooms down the corridor a similar dialogue was taking place over the phone. Virgil groaned as he confessed the random impulsive thought he’d voiced that day as his own best friend Janus cackled on the other side of the call. “You said what?!”

“I know! I know. And his face! Oh god, Jan, he’s so hot and it’s so sad. Do I really have to keep this up the whole year?! I just want to date the pretty boy, Jan!”

His friend’s heavy sigh was music to his ears, signalling a possible end to this terrible torture. There was only so long you could stand being made to convince your hot (and also incredibly gay and available) roommate you were from another planet after all.

“Fine, Vee, fine. But you gotta keep it up until, maybe Thanksgiving? So you can go away and then pretend you came back normal and he was imagining the whole thing!”

“Janus!” Virgil whined.

“Okay! Alright. You can tell him. But don’t you dare try and talk about sappy love stuff with me if you actually get together. Swear it.”

“I swear, I swear. Thanks Jan. I gotta go now though, he could be back soon. I want to get this makeup back to normal now I don’t have to play the part of asylum zombie number three.”

“You’re gross and romance is gross but knock ‘em dead I guess.”

Janus rang off with a click and Virgil made sure to send a spree of emojis to properly finish their chat before setting to work.

The Virgil that Roman returned to was almost certainly not the one that he’d left. For one thing the crazed eyeshadow had become a tasteful and highly attractive makeup look, deepening and warming his brown eyes. Huh. Now Roman hadn’t not noticed that Virgil was pretty cute, willowy and well-groomed with dimples to boot, but that had been the first impression before all the other stuff started, so he’d kinda forgotten. It all came back as Virgil stood from his bed, wiping his palms on his jeans quickly and offering the most awkward of half-waves and shy smiles.

“Are you a pod person?” shouldn’t have been the first thing out of Roman’s mouth but, well, it was, and there was no going back from that. Virgil’s hand faltered in the air and then rose swiftly to the back of his head with a sheepish chuckle.

“Um, no. But I do have a confession to make?” He replied. “About uh, my behaviour. It’s been kinda weird. But that was deliberate. Not that I like, actually wanted to weird you out, that was just an uh, unfortunate side effect. It’s just that, well, okay I made a bet. I lost. It’s simple as that. And the guy who won, my friend Janus, he’s cool but god can he be a bitch. Never ever play any game against him, I swear. But! Back to the ah, the point! So the forfeit was, he told me all these weird things to do and say to my roommate and I had to do it! I mean I guess, I could have just not done them? But it was kinda funny, like a prank. Um, a harmless one. Right? Well anyway that’s done now! No more weird Virgil! Totally normal me! That’s, that’s good. I hope.” He trailed off as Roman continued to just stare at him.

In all honesty his thoughts were mostly full of ‘wow he’s really cute’ and ‘he’s talking a lot does that mean he’s nervous does that mean he likes me does that mean we can date now’. Only Virgil waving a hand in front of his face brought him back to reality enough to reply, clearing his throat and blinking quickly. “Oh! Um, very good. Yeah, that’s cool. It’s cool you’re not actually a pod person, or an alien sent to study human life through experiencing college. Which was definitely not a theory I had okay let’s just move on from that right now.”

Virgil snickered, shrugging a shoulder. “Okay. I mean, I can see that, it’s a good theory.”

“Right?!” Roman gasped, stepping forwards. “There was the whole utensils thing, and then the-”

“The jelly?”

“The jelly!” They shared a laugh, watching each other closely. “So you’re not actually like that. What are you like, Virgil?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy,” Virgil shot back, sitting on his bed comfortably. He cast his eyes over at Roman when he sat on his own bed, smiling back shyly.

“Yeah, I would.”

Virgil just returned the smile, ducking his head down when a blush threatened his cheeks.

The conversations with their respective bff’s the next day would end with Remus laughing for so long he turned purple, and Janus hanging up no less than six times in ten minutes as he tried to avoid the lovesick speeches Virgil was determined to throw at him.

It was a much better way to continue the year.

Masterlist | Buymeacoffee

#writepie #prinxiety #platonic anxceit #ts remus #ts roman #ts virgil #ts janus #ts deceit #ts patton #ts sanders sides #ts sanders sides fic #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fic #long post #didn't realise WELP #desktop makes things look less long

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