I just remember I at some point saw a post on here that basically said ‘cyno = autistic’ (I think it’s cuz he explains his jokes) but after I saw said post I watch a vid the at (whatever times tap it was) tighnari talked about plants and stuff so...my question is: why is cyno considered autistic yet tighnari LITERALLY TALKED ABOUT PLATNT FOR (well it wasn’t even a minute [not to memory anyways] but still) so...my thoughts cyno = autistic and tighnari = also autistic so

tighnari and cyno (the autistic duo) taking care of collei

Trans Activism

Okay. So it’s about time I talk about this. First and foremost, I need to get this out of the way. I HATE, trans-activism. Do not take this to mean I hate trans people, as it does not mean that. Do not take this to mean that I don’t want trans people to live peacefully. This is also not the case. With all of this said let me get into what I need to say.

Trans-activism is doing much to hurt Trans and non-trans people alike. This video which links to an article goes in depth about it. Fact of the matter is, we have issues with having conversations about Transgender as a concept. Even the slightest notion of, “maybe this person who says they are trans, is not actually trans” gets you labeled as a transphobe. But if this article proves anything, It’s that trans-activists have done more to hurt people than to help. I know this to be the case because everyone and their mothers at this point lean towards, “OMG i’m so proud that you are coming out as trans! I totally support this. What’s that? You don’t really know if you’re trans? That’s what bigots sound like. If you think you are trans at all, then you just are.” 

I can not tell you how often I’ve seen this before. I’ve seen it in real life. I’ve seen it on this hellsite, I’ve even seen it on Twitter and Facebook. Friendship and support is not blind. Nor does it ignore dangers, and science. I have had several arguments with people on Twitter and on here, that have told me hormone blockers have no “side effects”. Are you kidding me? No side effects? Ok lets go over them for those in the back of the room shall we. 

-They prevent proper growth.

-They hinder immune system growth.

-Your sexual organs don’t grow in properly.

-After taking them, depending on how long you took them, can make you unable to have kids.

-Your body never fully evens out after taking them for longer than a few months.

-This lack of immune growth and physical growth can lead to other issues down the road.

-Lower bone density

ETC.

And this is the short list. The list for what happens when you start on a hormone treatment to transition can be much more devastating to your body. This is not to mention the fact that it is an invasive surgery, be it male to female or female to male. ALSO, assuming you end up not actually being trans, you might have a laundry list of physical traits you don’t want after the fact. Like for instance, you end up much shorter than you would have. You end up with a lot of body hair you can NEVER GET RID OF, among other things. Though, we never talk about this stuff. Because the only thing trans-activists care about is trying to convince as many people as possible that they are trans. Hell, there is even a movement of them that infiltrate gay and lesbian message boards or chat rooms and literally just keep nudging them to believe they are trans rather than gay or lesbian. Do you understand how sick that is? To tell someone that even if they know they are homosexual, that actually they really, “aren’t” and are actually just the opposite gender? Do you GRASP how fucked up that is? These people are also responsible for “Rapid onset gender dysphoria”. A thing that has not only not been backed by any studies at all but is made up BS, to try and convince people who are not trans that they actually are. 

These people are demented. Demented to a degree that makes me worry. Fact of the matter is that these young people in this article are basically fucked for the rest of their lives. And a LARGE number of them are young girls. A decent number of whom have autistic tendencies or are actually autistic. And some of them will have to grow up shaving their faces daily, because trans-activists don’t actually care about them. And they will have to stay in hiding as well. Because progressives and activists will attack them. Call them traitors. Probably even bully and berate them. Fun fact is thought that if you watch this video it talk about something I've been talking about for a long time. Actually trying to treat the root of the body dysphoria. If after several months of working with a person in therapy, they are not showing signs of improvement, then you can suggest to them that they ARE in fact trans. 

Trans is not just saying you are trans. And just parading it around to the trans-trenders saying you don’t actually need body dysphoria to be trans is insane. Not only does it de-legitimize what it is to be trans, but it de-legitimatizes all that trans people have had to go through up until this point. It tells them that their struggle is now just some trend for people who want to feel special get to pretend to be. Meanwhile there are trans people out there right now, who are thinking about killing themselves. Because it’s not everything they were told it would be. It’s not all sunshine and roses. It’s not just some simple walk in the park. And what’s more, you can’t pretend it’s because people discriminate against them. Especially if they are passing after all is said and done. And many are. And they don’t walk around saying “I’m a trans man” or “I’m a trans woman”. They normally identify as the sex they have transitioned too. And short of knowing them prior to it all, how would you KNOW, to discriminate against them? Short answer? You wouldn’t. 

I’m really tired of us not being able to have a REAL conversation with these people. I’m really tired of these insane activists saying that 3-14 year olds have the MENTAL CAPACITY, to decide they are the opposite sex. Most people don’t even know what identity is until they are into their late teens. And even then, they don’t really know who they are until they are in their 20’s. YES. There are people who have transitioned that are very happy and might stay happy for their whole lives. Props to them and I wish them the best. But this notion that everyone is automatically trans because they are not manly enough, or girly enough is stupid. Tomboys do not have to be trans the same way femboys don’t have to be trans. Hell is it not the progressive thing to do to oppose gender norms? So why the hell do trans-activists push for those same norms so damn hard? If you’re allowed to be a man and wear a dress, then why the hell do men who want to do that HAVE to actually be women? Sounds more like you are the ones enforcing stereotypical gender roles to me.

I want to end on this note though. We need to have a conversation about this. We need to be able to talk about gender dysphoria, and what is being trans. We also need to stop letting parents convince their kids that they are trans. Children say a lot, and many go through phases. And what you all don’t understand, is that if you believe that kids have to capacity to make LIFE ALTERING DECISIONS like being trans and taking hormone blockers or start transitioning before 20, not only do I think you are messed up in the head, but you are also saying in that moment, that a CHILD has the capacity to consent to sex. Both have very life changing consequences, and both require a lot of experience and wisdom to fully understand. 

I have a LOT of respect for trans people in general. I DO NOT have any respect for trans-activists. They’ve done so much more to hurt people than they have to help them. Honestly? I feel sorry for these young adults. They were probably “supported” in the same way most trans people are. “Everything will be great! I’m so happy for you! Oh i always knew it! I’ll support you no matter what! Oh it’s perfectly safe when can i take you to look into it?” And what’s more, Doctors are having to go along with it. Out of fear that progressives and activists will get them fired, or get their license removed some how. This is not just physical doctors but psychologists as well. Parents will sit in, and if the doctor does not agree that they ARE TRANS, just like the 5y/o said, the parents will then mobilize a progressive mob against them. This only serves to hurt people more than it does to help. Not only that but it serves to hurt trans acceptance in the broader world. Places that have watched this happen and feel like it’s too much trouble to deal with. This video. The article. Both need to be conversation starters. We need to realize that trans-trenders, and trans activists are screwing things up. Trans people already have enough to deal with. The last thing they need is to become villains. And believe me, if people continue to get hurt like this. Continue to be brainwashed and taken advantage like this. They won’t blame the activists and progressives. They will blame the entire trans community. And if that happens, we might actually fall back years on the progress we have made for trans people.

I Feel Robbed

I know a lot of my posts mention this, but my therapist told me it's healthy for recovery if I state it matter-of-factly, but when I was 6 I was raped and beaten to near death multiple times. That trauma caused my brain to split itself into multiple parts, giving me a personality disorder called Dissociative Identity Disorder.

After that, I moved schools so many times I never really had any actual friends. In fact I actually made my first real friend when I was 19. Needless to say I was a really lonely kid. Not only that but my parents (mostly my dad) always told me that so long as I try my best, the results of my grades don't matter to him. Except even when I tried my best and got low grades he would scold me, giving me a whole other perfectionist disorder to where if the work wasn't absolutely perfect it wouldn't matter and I couldn't hand it in because it wasn't done, which led to lower grades and more scolding which only fed that mentality.

My parents also I think tended to ignore me a lot, and would rather focus their attention on my two younger brothers. I would always have to most of my food myself (minus dinner). But because I'm an insomniac, which I had tried telling my parents multiple times (not saying that I have insomnia, but that I just can't fall asleep) I would end up sleeping in a lot even on school days, and because my parents would never actually make my lunch (even though they made my brothers) I would often go hungry at lunch at school because all I would have is whatever I grabbed out of the pantry at home. There was also just a general abuse from my dad who was an angry drunk.

Those things combined made me feel outcasted from all the other kids, and it didn't help that I was an easy bully victim because I'm also autistic, so I was a really weird kid. I never got to hang out at the park, I never got to go to friends houses, or explore the woods with everyone, or go to parties, etc, etc. So, I guess all of that makes me feel like I was robbed of my childhood. I don't think I ever got to be a real kid because of all the shit I went through when I was six and because of my dads shitty parenting making me afraid to ever speak up about anything I felt. I mean, the first time I tried to kill myself I was twelve, and all I got was a scolding. Then when I was 14 I tried to OD, and just got yelled at for stealing pills "to get high". Then when I was 16 I tried again (although nobody ever found out about that failed jump).

I took a police officer having to physically pull me off a ledge and hospitalize me at 18 for my parents to even CONSIDER the fact that I was depressed as shit. This has turned into more of a rant about how much I hated my life. But my point still stands. I never got to be a kid, or a teen. I feel like I was robbed of everything from my childhood and teenage years by that man that raped me. And those others that groomed me online when I was 13-15. Though I'll admit if I had a stronger will that guy that raped me when I was 18 wouldn't have gotten the opportunity to do so. The first time I gave full consent, but every time after that I felt like I couldn't say no to him. He recognized what had happened to me, I think, and took advantage of that to get what he wanted from me.

I can never get that time back. And I hate that so much.All I wanted growing up was to just be a regular kid. One who doesn't hear voices and sees things that aren't there. One who doesn't share a body with four other people. One who able to just, be a kid.

I've been thinking about this stuff a lot recently, because about a week and a half ago the alter that's been trying to kill me for ages calmed down, and was brought into the main 'head-space'. And well, he's been having a lot of flashbacks to childhood beatings and butt fucks. That, and being back in the town all my trauma happened in has not been fun for my mental state. I'm extremely lonely here. But, I think I'm managing. I'm starting to push past the perfectionism stuff, finally, and have been making actual progress on a book I've wanted to write for a while now. I have a job that I like, I just bought car! And my friends from back where I consider to be my home actually still talk to me. Unlike every other 'friend' I've had that ghost me the second I'm not in the same place anymore.

I think, at the moment, I'm having a bad time. But I don't think I'm depressed anymore. Not fully, anyway. Just the regular kind that comes from moving away from a place you love. I think, that for the first time in my life, I'm actually hopeful for things to come in the future. The slowness is killing me though. I've never been good at taking things slow.

I actually found myself thinking about what kind of parent I'll be the other day. Something I always thought I'd never be able to do, because everyone around me had always disliked me. But, it happened. And I found found myself looking forward to meeting the person I'm going to end up having a family with. I don't think I'll meet them for another few years though. I've still got shit to figure out. But, for the first time in my life, I feel hopeful. For the first time in 20 years, I feel... decent. Not good, not yet. But, decent. And that's all I need to start on my way to being okay.

If you read all of this, thank you. I wish you good tides.

Trans Headcanons for Team Voltron

A few people expressed interest, so here we go! I was mostly musing on some plot ideas for a fic, and then realized that I just... really like the fact that I have enough trans headcanons to actually be able to play around with who feels which way about the concept of gender, body dysphoria, and presentation, since IRL not all trans people have the same approach to these things. Most of this is from a conversation with @firebirdeternal​, my usual beta.

Some things to keep in mind: I am not trans, I just like diverse headcanons. @firebirdeternal​ is nb. I don’t always headcanon a character the same way from one universe to the next. I will almost always headcanon Pidge, Hunk, and Coran as trans. The others more just... happen as I write. Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren’t, depending on which fic it is and what my brain decided was a good idea.

Anyway, I’m sticking this under a Read More because Lance, Matt, and Keith all have multiple paragraphs for their sections and the post got... long.

Hunk is uncomfortable with sexual situations and anything below the belt, but strangely ambivalent about his chest. He’s fine going around without binder so long as he’s wearing a shirt, but super unwilling to do anything involving taking off his pants unless he’s either completely alone or in a medical situation where the medical professional in question doesn’t say cissexist things or try to talk about his genitalia for no reason. On HRT by the time he’s at the Garrison and looking into surgical options to figure out what he’s most comfortable with, but hasn’t actually gotten any yet.

Pidge doesn't super mind being mistaken for a boy, and frequently wears boyish clothes, but there's a lot of gender euphoria for her in stuff like sundresses and long hair. She likes being a girl, but isn’t super bothered by people thinking she’s a dude so long as it really is just a mistake (or her being undercover), and they correct themselves afterwards. She’s also interested in transitioning hormonally and with surgery, and was on puberty blockers before Voltron happened. (Altean medical technology means a safe and nearly painless vaginoplasty, breast prostheses, etc.  and Pidge has no hangups at that point.)

Coran transitioned literally centuries ago and is comfortable in his own body, but only due to the fact that Altean surgeries meant he could definitely get the body he WANTED when he wanted it. He had some fairly strong dysphoria before that. He’s pretty solidly a dude though, and hasn’t had the kind of internal debates that Pidge and Lance get since he was very, very young.

Lance's relationship with gender is kind of tenuous. He settled on identifying as a dude a few years ago, but actually likes his vagina and wants a pregnancy at some point (because Lance loves the idea of having kids and is down with being the one to carry them), and has admitted to considering identifying as nb because he still sometimes likes the IDEA of dressing up and being viewed as a woman for a night? He’s a dude. He identifies as a boy/man (he’s at the age where either word works and it doesn’t really matter), but. You know. He’s got some interests that people would consider feminine and he still sometimes looks at women and goes “Huh, I wouldn’t mind looking like that for a day”

firebirdeternal See, I've kind of headcanoned Lance as being very fluid except for one thing, he really doesn't like chest based intimacy with himself. Like that's the one thing that does actually bother him, and it isn't a rational thing for him.

Lance's gender is a complicated thing that he's mostly just given up on trying to untangle. He tells people he's a dude and stays fairly solid on that unless he super trusts someone, because a lot of people have tried to dictate his gender FOR him when he explains the details. He doesn’t actually think it’s that big of a deal? Hell, even when he considers “would it make more sense to identify as genderfluid or bigender or something,” it’s usually with about the same level of seriousness as picking out which color boxers he wants to put on after a shower, or what flavor his Frappuccino of the day is going to be, because he’s comfortable in his own skin at this point and as far as he’s concerned, that’s all that matters?

It’s just that other people keep trying to tell him that it’s a big deal and that is Very Tiring.

firebirdeternal I like that a lot. Sticking to the label you know people will at least SEE rather than get into the complexities of how you really feel, at least with people you don't trust yet.

Since I mentioned it for the others: he got top surgery but isn’t interested in anything else.

Relevant:  I know a trans guy who occasionally dresses in drag (mostly 1700s dresses because he's a history nerd, or...well, some old thing like that), and I like to think that Lance, even as a trans dude, would probably still dress in drag sometimes, because clothing isn't inherently gendered (fuck you, Victorians) and also GLITTER IS FUN AND SO IS DANCING and anyway, Lance would definitely still be down for crossplay and RuPaul’s Drag Race levels of Extra and wearing dresses even when he’s firmly sure that he’s a dude because it’s just a pretty outfit.

Keith's dysphoria kind of... oscillates? I don't headcanon him as trans often, but when I do I usually headcanon him as an "out of sight, out of mind" person. If he's wearing a binder and pants, then he doesn't have to think about it. If he isn't, then it's really a flip of the coin.

firebirdeternalyeah, he seems very much like: The less he has to think about it the happier he is. I can honestly see a scene where Keith has a mild breakdown because he has to get a new binder and it gives him Bad Sensory Issues because of something different about the fabric.

(NOTE: Both firebirdeternal and I headcanon Keith as autistic, since...well. There’s evidence for it in canon, and we like to project.)

This affects his approach to sex. If he's having a high dysphoria day, then he doesn't really want to be on the receiving end of anything? He's perfectly happy pleasuring his partner most of the time, but not... actually touching himself or being touched Like That. On the other hand, sometimes the dysphoria is barely there and anything goes. Definitely interested in HRT but not super comfortable with the idea of any kind of surgery, even with Altean medical tech.

firebirdeternal Yeah, up and down days, basically. I just... I love the trans Coran headcanon so much, especially when paired with any number of trans paladin ones, because I can just see him being such a good Space Dad to the kids. Like, even with the differences in Culture he'd be So There for them.

I only recently started playing around with trans Matt headcanons, and I think he's kind of similar to Pidge in that he's mostly about the gender EUphoria, and he got top surgery before Kerberos and doesn't really care about below the belt. I think the best way to put it for Matt is that he's trans but ranks that fact lower on his list of Important Identities than the others (save for Lance) do.

firebirdeternal He likes feeling like a Cool Guy Anime Protagonist honestly.

He's trans, and open about it, but it's not a thing he really thinks warrants much attention or discussion or even self-reflection? He'd rather play video games and gush over his little sister's coding.

EXCEPT FOR THE PUNS.

Matt is all about the queer jokes.

firebirdeternal Oh god he loves them. HC that Matt came out of the closet at like 12 with a joke because the opening his mom gave him was TOO GOOD to be ignored, and after a split second his mom and dad were just giggling up a storm and hugging him. Pidge too.

Colleen already had suspicions but her first reaction was a snort and a facepalm. "So THAT'S how you've chosen to come out."

firebirdeternal All this followed by GRATUITOUS AMOUNTS OF REASSURANCE. Pidge is like "Matt come out again, mom baked brownies for like three weeks the last time you did"

"I already told her I was bi and trans, there's nothing LEFT." 

(I've also played around with Matt being intersex but I'm not comfortable delving much deeper into that, especially on a public platform, until I've done some more research on intersex representation and common issues so I know I’m not doing anything offensive with the headcanon.)