I really like this blog most of the time, but sometimes you take reasonable earnest asks that are trying to be thoughtful, and are such a dick about it.

Like if it's the characters being dicks, fine. But you could say something in the tags or post to indicate you're not just viciously mocking someone for trying to engage.

I still haven't submitted an ask since seeing your response that led to comments along the lines of "anon should go die in a hole" for asking, pretty reasonably, why harrow would want to stay with people she didn't seem to like or want to be around or interact with.

(i know, because she does like them and does want them around but doesn't know how to show it) but it's an ASK blog. How do we hear that from her unless someone ASKS

i understand it might be surprising and a bit hurtful to see an ask answered with the characters being mean/flippant, and for that i do apologize that it wasnt made clear that it would be a common thing in this blog. id like to issue the disclaimer: there is always the possibility that the characters here will not take your question well. they might answer rudely, and instigating behavior is not only encouraged but expected on both ends. this does not reflect my personal opinions as the artist; there are over 250 asks even after i constantly compile duplicates, and i will answer the asks that i personally like.

i will assume you are referencing the two most recent posts where gideon acts rudely and i repost an old panel: for the former i thought anon was really sweet for being so heartfelt and encouraging, but gideon isnt the kind of person who needs to be told shes brave for doing that by a stranger. it was a simple act of survival. and harrow is still very much in the passive deprogramming phase. the latter response was meant to kickstart (spoilers) what i will call the "dicks last resort" arc, where i clean out the inbox and share more simple, low effort, but potentially rude responses*. this is because i have roughly drawn almost daily for 87 days straight, and would like to recuperate without being burnt out because i love this blog and i love art.

this leads me to my next point: some of these answers will be curt and short and rude, because they are easy to draw. if i only prioritized the "good" asks or to make certain ask responses kinder, or longer, it wouldnt be a daily blog. it would be a monthly blog where 5 asks get answered among 100s. i didnt anticipate people asking about harrows piercings, and i considered shutting it down by just having harrow say she likes them etc. but i did want to give more insight into harrows character even if she wouldnt say so herself, and that took roughly 3 full unemployed nights. if i treated every ask in good faith the same way i wouldnt have time for anything else, because they take more effort and have to be seriously considered for the future. i can retcon their favorite ice cream or play off griddlehark fighting - it takes more to keep track of a narrative about people talking Around their issues

* by rude responses i mean "this will affect the 679ers negatively, much like making your sim 🧑‍🤝‍🧑➖➖ someone" there are a few asks planned to hurt in the same way one drafts a bad end in a visual novel, and this type of interaction is encouraged. of course if you dont want them to get worse dont send asks telling gideon she should flirt with MILFs (you cant send this ask now i already said it), but i encourage the banter.

TL;DR this is the "characters think you are weird for personal questions" blog. i am sorry i didnt warn of the ask-response banter, because i also enjoy drawing these characters being dicks. i do like when aggravation and conflict leads to character development. "how do we get earnest answers unless someone asks" sometimes you will never explicitly get that from them, and thats what the dead ends are for: to let you know to try something else and read between the lines

still stuck on 2p0's time traveling WB source that showed up not for the time he blew 5K to be wrong about the finale, and not about the pilot or the shape of TW that he denied as real. But now, the exact moment he realized he has to stop waving wiki and gayle around before they get sued off the planet.

So to reitterate: his magical source is blowing up their scale too and he's too stupid to understand this, and yet again they're compiling bad M&G whisper interps and swearing up and down it's from a WB source.

The actual status of any reunion/reboot is that, nobody knows what the fuck it looks like. It's Winchesters that's the current project. Several individuals, among which Jared is many, have offered ideas. However, the show itself isn't aimed to be manifest for another 3 years. Minding Winchesters was accomplished to film in 2 from the SPN finale, guys, they're just barely starting to scratch at it.

What happened was 2p0's friends heard "in development" and are idiots and don't understand how broad that is.

The reunion has no true shape yet, just various ideas from various friends being rolled around. "Misha isn't involved" is a hilarious misspeak as much as "Jared is involved and helping design it." No man. It's a ball of globbed thoughts they've all thrown shit in the bucket of and they're figuring out how to shape it from there, especially following the Winchesters' framing. There's no treatment, no early script, no spec scripts, there's no storyboard, there's no arena, there's nothing beyond like "THESE WOULD BE NEAT" ideas from work buds. "the reboot has been stalled". bro it didnt start, it's still parked, are you okay.

I get it though. You been making all this noise to convince yourselves that destiel shit and the confession isn't happening until the reboot, because you don't want to admit it's coming within this series, so you need to give some new corroboration of your made up garbage without your M&Gs nobody trusts anymore.

this take is as dumb as your, authors can't talk and share ideas even when they're friends unless credited every way they consulted even if they want to opt out of contract or credits, because you think WB sticks microchips in their ass and screens their socials 24-7 to prevent the historic support of WGA members checking and helping each other's drafts as FUCKING FRIENDS, YOU PSYCHO. Do you understand what those are. Do you have a cell phone. Does anyone ever call you without you going PSPSPS I HAVE SOURCES? Is that where you're confused?

No dude don't try to hand me or them money. That's not how you get there. Have you ever tried a non-transactional human interaction you aren't trying to trade something for your benefit? Try it some time, it makes for this wild thing called social connections.

𝙾𝙱𝚂𝙴𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙾𝙽.      to   sate   an   obsession   or   to   stoke   it   /   to   feel   it   as   the   bar   of   a   cage   /   to   trace   its   edges   like   teeth.      an   obsession   that   whets   itself   on   what   he   feeds   it,   sharpened   so   keen   that   it   might   split   him   open,   break   a   new   thing   out.      (   from   michael   myers,   the   shape.      what   it   means   for   two   beings   to   inhabit   one   body,   each   with   its   bloody   fingers   grasping   at   the   same   wound.   )

𝙷𝚄𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙸𝚃𝚈.      the   point   is   not   to   carve   out   that   which   is   human.      the   point   is   to   carve   despite   the   humanity   ––   to   locate   it   and   sink   the   blade   in   anyway.

𝙷𝚄𝙽𝙶𝙴𝚁.      insatiable   palate   pressed   against   the   tongue,   festering   in   the   deepest   crevice   of   himself.      michael   can   tolerate   the   sensation   of   starving   /   has   never   known   what   it   means   to   be   satisfied.      he   can   endure   this   nothingness   of   existence   ––   has   made   it   his   own   and   become   one   with   it.

I really enjoyed reading the journal of nxx behavioural studies! I originally read all the analyses in reverse chronological order since I was scrolling through your blog and reading them when they came up, so being able to easily read them chronologically and see how your analyses developed over time was really interesting! The way it's laid out is also really good, I loved the colour coding and the little images and memes. They provided some laughs and were a nice pick me up after some of the more serious analyses. The journal really does feel like both a formal, serious character study and also something made out of love and passion. I really appreciate you and your friends' efforts in making this, and I look forward to seeing more analyses and fics from you!

🌌

MILKYWAYYYYY!!! hello :DDD long time no talk cuz u sent an ask about my fandom culture ramble and i was so interested in it that my response is still HALFWAY WRITTEN IN MY DRAFTS KSJBF but it's nice to see you again hehe :3

im so glad you enjoyed the compilation, waaaahh!!! and also omg yea, even how my masterlist is ordered is from most recent to most in the past-est (as u can see, i used all my braincells for the compilation so now ive got NONE LEFT lmao) and ordering them chronologically was so satisfying on my end as well cuz i started out with really simple observations and then

spiralled into the abyss of Peak Overthinking, HAHA

im glad you (and a bunch others!!) liked/noticed the color coding!!! when i zoomed out on all the pages while layouting, i couldnt like, see what was discussing what. the colors helped organize things visually

and kjkJBKJS THE PICS AND MEMES YEAH, i was just having a lot of fun with that. i also still wanted to make the thing like, somehow have something new to offer even to people who have already read the analyses in the og posts. the pictures and footnote comments were my way of adding sprinkles, in sense hehe

and hHHHHHH IM RLLY GLAD that the compilation gives off that vibe cuz that vibe is tru. i rlly rlly love this stuff and these characters and this fandom. funny story: i showed my dad the compilation just awhile ago while we were having breakfast and he was amazed but the first thing he said was "are you getting paid for this?"

i said nope! both for the obvious fanworks monetization copyright boogaloo but also cuz like. i dont....need that. he even said "you should send this to the creator of the game" and i was horrified (I MENTION SO MANY NOT-CANON SHIPS IN THIS COMPILATION LMAO) and bewildered. i asked him why he thought i should do that and the convo went

my dad: because you made all this for them!

me: but i didnt make it for them. i made all this for me and the fandom. not the creators.

and like. yeah. yeah i dunno what my point was with this last bit but i guess what im tryna say is i have a lot of big love for this game as it is and an even bigger love for the fans of it.

thank you for the lovely ask, milkyway :')

Hello! I need a writer's advice. You seem to read a lot of hnk fanfiction, and I'm sure sometimes it feels like what you're currently reading is So Much Better than any of your writing. Do you have any tips for minimize the harm to one's self-esteem and general mental health for that? [AFTER THIS POINT THIS ASK TURNS INTO MY VENT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ OR POST THAT] This happens to me every time I read hnk fic in English, and I always feel like I should never write hnk fic again. (1/3)

hey nonnie, i didn’t post the rest of the message, as you asked. you’re right in saying that it’s not just a writer’s problem. your issues seem to stem from low self esteem and I can’t help you with that. Just know that people mostly don’t care about what you do or don’t do, and that most of the things you perceive as horrible issues and mistakes most people won’t even notice.

you have to cut yourself some slack. you’re doing this for fun, first and foremost, and while we all dream of being the next Toni Morrison or JRR Tolkien, your writing should make you happy. Who cares about being perfect: you’re doing this for yourself.

I have stories from 2013 on my ao3, stories i purposely didnt cancel. stories in broken, horrible english, with flat characterization, cringy plot twists and full of plot holes. they suck. i assure you, they do. but some people still enjoy them. i still get kudos from time to time and i can’t explain how anyone could even understand the words i’ve written, let alone enjoy them, but hey, i guess it happens.

thing is, the artist is its work’s harshest critic, but you can train yourself to appreciate your own craft and appreciate yourself. you are not your writing and you’re doing this for fun. writing is hard. writing in a foreign language is damn hard. give yourself some credit.

we have a small fandom but there are still so many college AUs in hnk. who cares. write another one. they’re there for a reason and that reason is that people like college AUs. write another one. write the, i dont know, 2354657th soulmate AU for the most written ship in the fandom. that’s awesome. more food for everyone.

if you study a bit of mythology you’ll notice that plots and characters have always been the same since the beginning of human history. we love stories, it’s just the way we are. but what sets stories apart is the execution, your own unique contribution. everyone has a different writing voice and my college AU will be different from yours. find your unique voice. it will take time, it will take work, but it is extremely rewarding.   

as for feeling bad for how good everyone else seems to be: stop comparing yourself to other people. just stop. really. you are not them and they are not you, so how could you compare your works to theirs? there are endless different variables that affect the way you write. your worth doesn’t depend on anyone of them. you do you.

talent is a myth. some people are naturally more inclined to be better artists, but what really beats ‘talent’ is hard work. writing is a weird craft because you only get to see the finished product, there are no behind the scenes cuts, no compilations of sketches, you only see the polished, finished story. but that’s just the result of months, years of hard work.

you don’t get to see all the edited out pages and stupid plot twists, all the ways dialogue has been rewritten, all the arcs that didn’t make the final story, how flat the characters were in the first draft. for every good page, there are at least 5, 10 pages of garbage behind it that helped shape it. writing is 80% rewriting. it can be disheartening, but it’s the way it is. 

the good thing is that you set your own pace. you decide what you want to do with your craft. it doesn’t have to be perfect, you can write for the fun of it, you don’t have to become a novelist, but practice makes perfect. the writers you look up to probably have hundreds of failed plots up their sleeve and that one fanfic you love has probably gone through 10 different editing rounds. 

the best thing you can do with everyone else’s talent is let it inspire you: “oh god, this author writes amazing dialogue,” “this one has awesome characterization,” “this can create great plot twists.” Awesome. Take notes as you read. Learn how they do it. Message them. Great authors steal. 

these stories are a testament to the author’s hard work. which means you can get there too, you can even get further than that, just read, read, read and write, write, write. and if you’re insecure about your english or about your writing maybe find a beta reader that can help you.

just remember that you don’t have to write. you choose to write. and you choose to write because it’s fun and because you like it. let yourself enjoy the process and stop deriving your own self-worth from the things you do. you are so much more than that.

b99 the podcast episode 5:

ain‘t no heist like a halloween heist

@jake-and-ames and I have summarized what we think are the highlights of the fifth episode of the brooklyn nine-nine podcast. maybe those of you who can’t listen to the podcast for whatever reason can profit from it a bit

under the cut as usual

[[MORE]]

Part 1 with Melissa Fumero, David Phillips, Cortney Carrillo

they expected the heist episode to be a one-off thing but the reception was so good they decided to do more of these episodes

inspiration were Halloween episodes of different shows

eventually it was a given that there‘ll be a heist episode

there is a video of Mel geeking out because she‘s on a harness going through the ceiling in S1 like in Mission Impossible

there’s generally a lot of MI elements

the Halloween episodes are especially long shoots

shooting the Handmaiden scene in S5 took so long that Mel started texting with a friend and they did astrology charts of people and analyzed them together

initially in the 3rd halloween heist the woman opening the door on the 16th floor was supposed to be Kylie but the writers didnt feel it was right so they changed it

they didnt plan Terry hating heists to use that as a tactic later on but they realized in S5 that they could use it in S6

roman numerals are used for many things in the writer‘s room but they only stuck for the heist episodes

for one of the heists (sorry I didn’t catch which one) they tried emulating the Ocean‘s 11 score

when Holt explains the whole flutist thing there is a flute playing in the background

there’s a “Babysitter’s Club” theme when Amy and Rosa team up and there’s a few instances when Mel and Steph tried sneaking in the theme song

HalloVeen: the cold open is Mel‘s favorite

‘you’re being so mean do it harder’ was an alt-line and thats how that bit became a thing

the Jake/Amy dynamic in HalloVeen is a throwback to early Jake/Amy dynamics

Andy ripping Andre’s shirt open and vice versa was done in one take

where does Bill come from? the writers felt like they wrote themselves into a hole with Bill because they worried it wouldnt be funny or they wouldnt find an actor who could make it work

but they saw the actor for Bill walk into the audition room and they knew it would work with him, and he can imitate Joe very well

there were theories about next heist winners: Kevin or Cheddar

SPOILER: Scully‘s medical probems will be explored a bit more in S7

there weren’t a lot of people in the room when the proposal was filmed but a lot of production people came down before the filming, including Dan Goor - it made Mel realize that it‘s a meaningful moment and she says she wont forget how she felt

Andy came up with the “I love how you pretend to love Die Hard” line

they mention Andy‘s heart eyes and they talk about them and that one panel, when a girl in the audience asked him to look at her like that and she burst into tears immediately after

everyone loves how in the wedding what made Jake cry is Amy saying “your butt is the bomb“ and how he responded with “you’re my dream girl”

“Kevin and Holt should get their vows renewed” - MEJ

Part 2 with Alexis Jacks, Chris Call, Walter Eckert

property master is in charge of everything an actor touches and interacts with (watches, phones, computers, glasses, jewelry etc) not interior design in itself though

art director: overlooks the look of the show (sets, costumes, paint, architecture, design) makes sure it all gets done

set dressing and constructing: build sets and dresses it (sofas, tables, carpet etc)

costume department: 10 people (shoppers, continuity supervisors, fittings and dressers)

the characters have closets so the costumes can be reworn and give the characters and the show a “normal people” vibe

stuff gets changed mid-week and in the beginning people had to change a lot of things or scrap everything they compiled so far and start over so now they make drafts first because they expect changes mid-week before they start

if there’s bigger things that are needed the departments get a heads-up, also for calculations and adjustments

the B99-seamstress (they call her Monina so I’m assuming it’s Monina Arellano) is very low-key but a fast and impeccable worker and “a master” at what she does. she came to B99 after Parks ended

The Bullpen is a standing set (meaning it’s there the full year)

Shaw’s bar is a stage over but it gets taken down and sent away each season because they use that stage for different sets

The builders can construct and deconstruct stages in less than a day

a lot of props are get ordered online but many things are built from scratch

The cake in the cake shop was a prototype constructed of the Die Hard DVD Boxset (it comes in a Nakatomi tower) covered in fondant and a figurine scaling down on a string of licorice

the actual cake was never fully constructed, they built the shell of the broken tower in pieces, and laid them on the floor and then stuffed them with real cake

Gina’s statue was made of hard density foam and then spray painted

Cinco de Mayo Terry was spray painted and the clothing was color matched

Cummerbund: they created 2 belts with different inscriptions for HalloVeen

The belt in 6 was remade because they couldn’t find the original anymore

Terry wears suspenders because they wanted him to have a retro detective look and no jackets to show off his physique

Jake’s jeans are more often than not Andy’s own jeans

Holt wears either his uniform or navy suits to echo his work uniform

Rosa can run in her heeled boots but the show is not always accurate to actual work life and a real life detective would most likely not wear heeled boots to work

“Boyle is a Boyle” with tones of beige, butter and brown. the whole family wears it, even Nikolaj

Amy wore pant suits and now her uniform which is, like in reality, ill-fitting and when she’s out of work, Costumes try to put her in very casual clothing

the utility belts are super heavy so now it’s just foam and rubber. and there are belt keepers that snap the utility belt to the belt of your pants because otherwise you would have to strap it so tight that you cant move or it would pull all your clothing down with it (it carries a gun magazine, a baton, handcuffs, belt keepers, pepper spray, the Walkie-Talkie [case], a gloves pouch, taser etc)

the NYPD tasers are yellow but props went with black ones

props handle all real and fake weapons as long as they’re not automatic ones. then they’d have to bring in an Armor, a certified fire-arms specialist

they never used a real gun so far but air soft guns are used as the guns while shooting and gun shots are added in post

Props is also responsible for animals

there was a time when Props could go to a pet store and rent a hamster, shoot with it and bring it back now there’s an animal trainer for any animal you can think of

animal trainers have headshots of their animals as well and someone has to look at them and choose which animals they want to cast

A HTTYD Micro Memoir of the Past Ten Years

     It was 2010. I was 8. I just moved to a new town and as someone who was bad at trying to talk to people, I spent all my free time in my imagination and/or with my brother. He was my best friend and we did everything together.      My parents weren't big on going to theaters especially with an 8 and 12-year-old. So whenever we watched the newest, latest movie it was always through Red Box, they somehow always got for free. They rented two movies. I don't remember how they picked them out, if it was their or mine and my brother's choice. One night, after dinner, they popped in a disc and played the movie for us. I vividly remember how I felt sitting in our faux leather couch, cuddled up with a blanket in a dark room, focused on the movie.      The camera swoops in over a vast ocean in the dead of night. Pillers of stone carvings extruded out of the water with fire burning inside the mouths. In the distance, a beautiful island inhabited with wooden shacks. Small specs of fire can be seen in the village. Over this is a voice-over by the lead character, "This is Berk." A line that will follow me throughout the next 10 years of my life.      I spent the rest of that year dreaming of owning a terrible terror and have a friend to explore my world with. Of course, that was virtually impossible. Jump to 2012. I was 11. The first episode of Dragons: Riders of Berk aired. My brother and I begged our parents to record the series and we watched it religiously. We jumped into my bed turned on my tv and grew immensely excited for this world we both developed a love for.      I remember how I watched Heather first be introduced and immediately hating her character from the moment she was on screen. I created a self insert character where "I" washed up onto berk after a shipwreck with amnesia. I always thought that Heather stole my premise and then ruined it by betraying the main characters. I now enjoy her character and look back on my childish foolishness.      I guess my mom at some point stopped recording the show after my brother moved out and I grew out of the show, but not the fandom. 2013, I was 12 and just started 7th grade. The teaser trailer of the second movie came out and I watched it with awe. I was conflicted by the redesign of Hiccup yet I probably watched that trailer more times than I could count. I met my best friend and we both spent our time in science class drawing. She convinced me to start drawing actually. I spent that time drawing and watching crack compilations for Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons.      I never stopped my love for the world despite not having a lot of content to fill in the void in my heart. I ended up teaching myself Viking/Celtic runes, so I could read the text in the movie and show. It was 2014 when I taught one of my friends in my 8th grade English class the runes so we could pass notes in class. We wrote notes that absolutely made no sense but had so much fun knowing that we were the only ones who understood it. Our teacher caught us passing the note and took it from us. The look on her face was priceless. She looked frustrated and confused. She gave us a baffled look and continued on with class without a word.      I wasn't able to watch the second movie in the theater either. I ended up pirating it off some streaming site. I laughed and cried. At his death, my parents came in to ask if I was ok.      Several weeks after my 14th birthday in 2015, Race to the Edge's first season was released onto Netflix. I ended up binging all of Riders of Berk and Defenders of Berks in a few nights. I cried when I saw Stoick alive again and revived my undying love for this franchise.      January of 2016, my brother called me and asked if I had seen the new season of Race to the Edge. I ended up watching only a few episodes before falling out of interest in the series.     In December of 2017, I decided to catch up with the show. I would wake up, go to school, go home, did homework, binge as many episodes as I could and repeat. Soon after I finished it was 2018 and the new and last season was released. I had my friend come over to spend the night and I straight up said "Sorry, but I want to watch this" and she had to sit there and watch the show without any context of prior seasons. For Halloween that year that same friend and I ended up dressing up as Hiccup and Jack Frost. My mom gave me a stuffed toothless she was holding for Christmas for my costume. Some older lady told me she liked my plush cat.      When I found out about The Hidden World coming out my friend group and I decided to go see it in theaters. I accidentally overslept that day and rushed to the theaters where my friends were waiting. One of them ended up buying a ticket for me, refusing to accept my money when I offered to pay him back. There aren't words to describe my emotions in those few seconds the Dreamworks logo played. I was excited at being able to finally see one of the movies in the franchise in theaters. Although I started to feel my heart being pulled apart by tiny strings attached to the muscle. I then realized in that small amount of time that, this was it. This was the end. No more. That everything I watched, learned, waited for was for this moment. The dragon classes and types I learned, the runes I used, the music I would close my eyes to and imagine I was in a different world, and the reality in front of me ever since I was a child that I could never live in this world. It was all in front of me.      The movie played, and sure I laughed at Tuff, watched in awe at the beautiful plant and sand animation, cried at their parting, and rejoiced at their reunion. As I left the theaters though I couldn't help but think, "It was better than expected but not as good as I hoped". Whenever someone asked me my thoughts of the movie I would tell them those exact words. Looking back now, I don't know what I hoped for it to be. A happier ending? No, I came into this expecting the loss of dragons. A more interesting villain? I can't think of any better villain for the context of the scenario. I left it as such. I hoped for better yet knew not of what I hoped for.     It was winter break in 2019 and I left my dorm to go home and visit my family. The first night I was back my mom said she recorded something for me. I sat in the recliner as my cat snuggled into my lap and my mom started up Homecoming. I appreciated the fact that my parents haven't seen the second or third movie, yet sat through Homecoming with no context for me. This last Thursday, the 19th of March, I was working on my theater assignment mid-quarantine and randomly had the desire to watch Ratatouille. As I finished the film it reminded me of How to Train Your Dragon. With the whole human and animal bond that overcomes the differences between the two species to work together. I ended up wanting to watch the film again. As I watched it, I thought to myself, just the first movie, right? As I started The Hidden World, I thought to myself, just the movies, right? As I started Riders of Berk, I thought to myself, just the pre-time skip series, right? As I started Race to the Edge, I thought to myself, I need to drop my Biology course since I'm gonna fail.      When I rewatched the third movie all my original doubts on the film vanished. At the end when Hiccup decided to let Toothless go, I didn't cry. But, when Hiccup tells us, the viewer, that dragons were waiting for us to get along, I sobbed, more than I did any other time watching the entire series in the last 10 years. I realized two completely separate things. We as humans will never earn the right to have dragons, as we will never get our crap together. We are filled with corrupted morals and mindsets and will ruin everything and anything we get ahold of. The second thing was something I experienced earlier. Though I was afraid of the end I was so used to things claiming to be over and then the creators ending up making more for a cash grab. In that moment of watching 30-year-old Hiccup throw his son into the air, I realized that this was it. This was the end. The end of the movie, the end of the story, and the end of a large part of my childhood.      When I graduated high school I cried in my car after our practice run. I was growing up and I would have to be leaving everything I had known until then behind. It was Troll Hunters a series I started before I moved into my dorm that helped me calm down and move into a new place. It helped me understand that I can't just change and leave what I love behind. I can take it with me beyond this line I drew myself. The past few days changed that though. I couldn't take my beloved world across the line with me. It will forever be chained into my past as something I can look back on yet have no expectations for any future with it. I cried because there was nothing in my hands that I could do to keep what I loved with me. But, with Stoick's words "With love comes loss, that's part of the deal. Sometimes it hurts, but in the end, it's all worth it."      Thank you How to Train Your Dragon. You have given me so much. More than I could say. More than I know. We have grown up together, but now it's time for both of us to move on. Time for me to let you go.

Whoever stuck around until the end, thank you. I felt I had to write this as my fingers were itching for it. This is just a first draft but I doubt I’m ever coming back to this. I wanted to do something for the anniversary but like I said I didnt start getting back into httyd until the last 2 weeks and I just found out. I wrote this in like 2-3 hours, and I’m suprised at myself for powering through it. I’m still working on writing personal memoir pieces so excuse my skills. Anyways thank you again and Happy Ten Year Anniversary HTTYD!

hi i just need to be really dramatic and long winded bc if i dont get it Out im going to fucking explode

ive actually been trying really hard this semester with my thesis and its REALLY fucking difficult for me. my depression makes me catatonic and unable to complete simple tasks or be motivated to do literally anything; my anxiety paralyzes me at the slightest unexpected change and then obsess over whether everyone in my life hates me because of my anxiety; my sleep schedule is constantly fucked and my doctor is unhelpful; my bdd will sidetrack me from my work and responsibilities for literal hours or days, and sometimes if its feeling spicy send me on a full scale fucking breakdown; and my adhd makes all this shit worse on TOP of all the NORMAL adhd shit. like thats just!!! my life!!!! at all times!!!!! and there have been several times where i have genuinely considered leaving this program or not continuing school after bc i was so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted and scared but i didnt!!! like i make a lot of jokes about procrastinating and wasting my time and doing the least and whatever but in reality its really fucking difficult for me even when im medicated!!! but i dont like admitting that bc of all my exhausting childhood baggage and shit but that is not the point of this rant so anyway

this semester i made a specific effort to try and be a better student even tho all of this stuff has been exacerbated by grad school. i felt i owed it to my director and one of my committee members because theyve been so fucking helpful and put their faith in me and took a lot of their time to help me. i wanted to show them i was worthy of it and capable of being a good student who does all the shit she’s supposed to do, does it well, and does it on time. i overloaded my fall semester and nearly lost my goddamn mind JUST to have a lighter class load this semester so i could focus most of my time on my thesis (like for real that was actually incredibly stupid of me. i lost almost 30 pounds from september to december without conscious effort just because i was so fucking stressed. not a brag and actually kind of concerning bc that has LITERALLY never happened to me). it has been like....significantly taxing, but i wanted to show them how much i appreciate their time and effort and help by being responsible and respectful. my Trying Hard is a lot of people’s Barely Doing Their Best and i know that. turning something in 2 hours early is below average for some but for me, literally anything more than 30 minutes before its due is an actual goddamn miracle. but i wanted to work hard and do things right for my committee members because they deserve it

this christmas my parents asked what i wanted and the ONLY thing i asked for was help with my library dues. last year from like march to october i was significantly depressed and entirely out of my head, and i racked up some pretty bad overdue fees. i didnt even ask them to pay all of it, just some of it. less than $100. im really truly grateful for the gifts they DID get me, but i didnt ask for them for any of it, and my overdue fees were left alone. i was under the impression that they got paid and, like a fucking idiot, i didnt check up on it to confirm. ive been so hell deep in my thesis and teaching and grading and applying to phd programs and looking for apartments and shit that it really just slipped my fucking mind!!! crazy!!!!

today i was in crisis bc i thought i fucked up with scheduling my defense/exam/whatever the fuck. im going to call it defense and i dont give a shit bc everyone calls it some other shit and i dont CARE. anyway i really thought i fucked up but i went and talked it out with my director and it was all sorted out. i’ve gotten like 50% of her feedback on my thesis draft, which i’ve incorporated, and im waiting on comments from another reader (the other helpful person on my committee). we have to run some dumbass software before scheduling, so i ran it today and tried to schedule it but couldnt bc theres a hold on my account. i went on a fucking....ALMIGHTY QUEST to figure it out and i finally discovered that guess what!!!!!!! its my GODDAMN LIBRARY OVERDUE FEES!!!!!! THAT I THOUGHT WERE PAID!!!!!!! i had to pay them myself which is fine idc but it takes several days to process. this fucks up my life on SEVERAL levels

for one, its fucking impossible to get a hold of my third committee member. she is a vapor in the wind. shes like super busy and thats all good and well but the point is theres like zero communication there. i finally got confirmation on a defense date from all 3 members and had been literally planning MY ENTIRE LIFE around this date. after todays first scheduling crisis i was so happy i was still on track, but now this? now i have to wait 3-4 days before i can even SCHEDULE the defense. the super delightful part is that we have to schedule a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. so now i cant schedule my defense until tuesday at the absolute earliest, but that ALSO bumps my defense date several days ahead. i have no fucking clue if my committee is going to agree on another day that works for everyone bc theyre all busy as shit and we’d been working toward the original date for weeks if not months, and im so fucking upset because this is exactly what i DIDNT want to have happen. i havent tried to email them yet because im hoping beyond fucking hope i can call somebody at the university tomorrow and see if the hold is something else besides the fee, but it makes me sick to think of having to be like “oh sorry i know i constantly fuck up everything ever and im a piece of shit but can we change this date we’ve had set since january because i was an extra shitty piece of shit this time??” like OHHH MY GODDDDD

and the thing thats really fucking with me is that like, yes its my fault but this one time its not ENTIRELY 100% my fault. i asked for a favor and had the understanding that it was taken care of. yes the fees were my doing and yes i shouldve checked but oh my fucking god. i feel like all the effort ive put into being a better student this semester has been for fucking nothing because im going to have to email my committee asking for a different date and ruin all their fucking lives and theyll be so disappointed in me. i have like legitimately been crying on and off about it since like 4:30 today

it so shitty in and of itself but i especially dont want to do this to my director bc she is legitimately the reason im finishing this program AND that im going to a phd program. a year ago i’d barely spoken 20 words to her but she still agreed to be a reader on my committee just because she heard me explain my thesis for all of 30 seconds and decided to give it a try. she literally had not read a song of ice and fire at the time and she started reading them for me to help me with my thesis. in the fall when my original director basically threatened to leave my committee if i didnt change all my ideas, my current director stepped in and helped me and talked me through it and then offered to take her place even though my research is BARELY distantly related to hers. through all of this she’s been so insanely patient with me, super encouraging of my ideas both in this project and in others, helped me decide whether it was right for me to get my phd immediately after my masters, proofed and edited and helped me with ALL my phd application materials, and STILL is in the process of reading these goddamn books just to be a better director. i have lost my head so many times and shes always been there to help me figure my shit out, and i wanted to have it figured out for once. how stupid of me

like bumping the date isnt the end of the whole world but its really not just about the fact that i have to reschedule. i was trying real goddamn hard to be a better student this semester and i REALLY fucking owed it to my director and other reader, but especially director, and i still managed to fuck up this bad. i feel like such a DISAPPOINTMENT and it just will not leave my brain bc im so mad at myself. i tried watching shows and youtube compilations about game of thrones and shit but now my bf is asleep and im alone and its all i can think about. im so fucking tired of being the person i am honestly and i dont mean that in an edgy way its just like jesus christ i wish there was less shit wrong with me. i wish i had any kind of willpower or discipline so i couldve learned these skills and been a better student from the start. i wish i wasnt a giant piece of shit!!!!! 

and now im going to be up late being anxious about all this which means that i will, once again, wake up late but also still be really exhausted, which means i’ll do a shitty job teaching and get overwhelmed by everything and who the fuck knows what fun bullshittery will ensue because of it. i am so fucking tired of me and my fuckery and the fact that it fucks with other people even why i try so hard for it not to. tired!!!!!!!! fucking tired

sablestine replied to your post “just drafts up an entire nadia route re-write hhjhghg”

i would love to hear

okay omg 

the upright would be all about keeping nadia grounded but connected to her feelings/intuition, where the reverse would be handling stuff isolated and unconnected to reality, with a balance of encouraging her to persue her own interests as well as maintaining your id

so it would be waay slower for one, but she’d start out like that iron tyrant you heard gossip about (like she had no power over anything but the palace was run so she takes that out on everyone around her and retires to her room frequently so for the first few chapters your interactions are seldom between like that actual investigation) you join her that first night and she lowkey threatens asra and you with jailing like vague i think magic should more regulated, maybe even outlawed, ect, should you not compile to the investigation, you work along side one of the courtiers depending on your actions at the salon (like,,,its literally valdemars job title but theyre like peace sign fades out about it) its easiest to get valerius

your early options with nadia is like when do i get paid/i dont need your money (and she’s all like i can do more than pay you and starts showering you with things and attention), i want to wear my own clothes thanks (or you can wear them), i dont need a title (she offers you like grand investigator or w/e and you can take it or not), your time will be split between nadia and the investigation like she’ll be like come bathe with me, come walk with me, come enjoy private time with me that’ll make you miss out on clues or getting to talk to witnesses or even bumping, (taking nadia’s invite also alerts valerius’ suspicions and will accuse her in julian’s stead) (see also: valerius feeling like nadia is even a threat to his power felt soo out of place and also like if she’s starting out Ungrown he wouldnt need to be like oh shes in our way)

the like romance rising action is where you dream of her coming to your shop, but you Feel different, wiser, stronger, more whole then the night asra left as she knocks on your door and you wake up , realizing its happening irl, she’s all like i had a nightmare and came to you : c idk why you dont even like me (i think there’d be a reverse version of that where she wakes you up to Test your loyalty to her, i think in a re-write it would be cool if it was like each card had the potiental to be upright or reverse!) and youre like,,,,i dont know you, youre just the countess,,,and then she starts sharing Emotions with you (in the test one you can go with it or protest when something goes too far, and thats probably like giving her everything asra has given you including the cards)

as she opens up to her you can either encourage her in an unproductive way like Wow! I Cant Believe They Did That! Comfort Her and like upright ones are like Wow! That’s Messed Up Have You Ever Spoken To Them About It? Why Do You Think They Did That? like i think its important to agree with someone emotionally? even if its irrational? but then like work through that, like what would you do about this if you could? what can you do right now? and nadia could be all like but thats how lucio was like Reaction to her Inaction, then the upright/reverse balance would be balancing that like nadia i cant tell you what to do, more than being like Punish Portia!

then depending on what you did early on and how much time you spent with valerius nadia gets arrested in julian’s stead, you learn about the hanged man thing and need to do a magic switcharoo (reverse ending paths)

upright is like nadia proceeds over the court and promises to put an end to unjust laws, sentencing julian to like live his life out under house arrest but julian requests himself to be hung and she respects his wishes as the countess of the city

then the reverse path has you and her doing astral realm things, basically everything that happens in the nadia upright canon one Except when people see her theyre like enraged by it! wasnt she hung! oh so shes royalty she can get out of that lmao! were we fooled ect, (your options are basically to avoid all of this but i think there’d be chances to talk everyone down and get back to upright outcomes maybe?) your confrontation with lucio happens in the collosium where vlastomil sentences him to death for being overdue on his debts and nadia can be all Wow About Time and vlastomil is like Hmm you Are in charge now arnt you? perhaps we can work out a deal, you can i and nadia is all like, ill Think about it, you and nadia get married in the heriophants realm after killing valerius so no like redemption there (also leaving vevsuiva with no clear and easy order of rule after the consol ((like its probably valdemar which LMAO) then you two bind the devil and ponder over all the work to do and its like, lets stay here awhile i dont want to face anyone, and you two like wonder the realms where your feelings take you with a cg of nadia’s like outstretched becoming owl-y hand in the light of a pink moon

 the end

and the upright path is like you and nadia spend no time together in the magical realm,instead its like listening to others as well as being punctual to meetings (like, i think we should meet with the court right away instead of playing mind games) and delegating, like between portia, her sisters, asra, you and eventually julian

you, asra and julian, while portia helps nadia with lucio and muriel stands guard other the others bodies, in the real world nadia confronts her family, they talk it out and hear each other and her sisters offer their help to nadia and accept being told what to do by her, with their help they calm down the courtiers and seek common ground (like doctor sister and nahara tell valdemar about diseases outside of vesusia they’ve been in their travels and they like are more interested in that then The Plan and joins them to talk about it, nasmira sister chills out with valdemar, navaha manages to tire vulgora out with like dance fighting, natiqa hangs out with volta whose on your side at this point but is like freaking out, your parents and oldest sister agree to find valerius)after all that nadia passes tf out and joins you all, you help volta in the temperance releam and then lucio confrontation happens in the colleseium where he still is like um? free me? make a deal? hello? i want to be good! and vlastomil proceeds over his trial, where he’s sentenced to death for failing to pay his debts, theres an option to attempt to stop it but even if you take it (there’s a strong leading to accepting due process) the world shifts to the heriphant realm and you deal with valerius then finally all four of you see the mysterious, hard to reach high priestess, instead of being like friendly out right she stands in the way, and some confessions have to be made to all four of you before seeing the realm and her clearly (asra hide your past from you because he didnt want to lose you as well as his past with julian and nadia and he doesnt understand why youre not WITH him, julians did want to just die or be whisked away and he doesnt even know why he bothered to come back, nadia knew her actions were self centered, you were uncomfortable by nadia’s initial advances and wanted to be yourself with her (see the keep my own clothes options before hand) and that you and here were going too fast) (the lazeret and the power happens here) once thats all clear and youre all trusting each others guts, the high priestess is there and offers you all guidance and advice and tea, you all head off to the devil and bind him together

afterwards, nadia has stepped down from her place and established a republic, the people vote julian as the senator, portia has been titled as the consul, nadia has "retired" to a public servant incharge of the board of education, she has a cute little cottage home in the country side where she comes into town on horseback, asra and muriel are away on a magical adventure to find his parents, they check in every now and again, in your dreams, they look happy, you close up shop to bring nadia a meal you packed for the two of you, you and she have been going steady since agreeing to take it slow, every day you learn more about her and about yourself, you open the door to the newly built library and an owl flights through it, out into the darkening sky, you see nadia and she's radiant as she stands up behind the desk and smiles at you

the end!!