WHEN  DO  YOU  GET  YOUR  SOFT,  ITALICIZED  "OH"  ?

* 𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐃

THE KISS

you typically wait until the last second to believe the truth--because it would destroy you to believe it, and then find out it was a lie. you are someone who has never wanted to want, but has rarely been able to do anything else. the idea that you might have to break down your walls for the sake of someone else, someone who could easily decide they don't like what is on the other side, is harrowing. why let people get close enough to be rejected? you are enough for yourself. and you will tell yourself that every time you catch yourself staring at their mouth, smirking at their joke, finding a reason to flick their shoulder. until the kiss. that's when the flood of want, want, want bowls over you and you realize that you are torn between two ways of living. Oh, you think. because despite how complicated you have made it, the moment you kiss, somehow, things seem incredibly simple. they won't be once you start thinking again, but for now, for this moment, you live in the quiet peace of revelation. Oh.

TAGGED: @pagetreader ( thank you! )

TAGGING: @ariveth @austerulous @redwests @acuityfeed @itscnlyfcrever

anonymous asked : Astrid: p.egging

Send me a k.ink and I’ll have my muse rate it. – accepting

P.egging

Receiving: fuck no, gross, not for them, eh, no opinion, kinda, hot, fuck yes, p l e a s e do this

Giving: fuck no, gross, not for them, eh, no opinion, kinda, hot, fuck yes, p l e a s e do this

I feel like for Astrid, she would prefer to be p.egging someone just with the sense of dominance it gives her and the control she would have. She likes to see her partner beg and squirm beneath her, so this would be more her preference for that reason. She wouldn’t mind being on the receiving end because y’know, it’s pleasurable, but she’s more into p.egging someone than her getting p.egged herself. She does like a.nal play to some extent.

I feel like Astrid has a sixth sense with telling when someone has a crush on another, especially when it's in her group. She can keep a secret, but there's no guarantee she won't tease you about it.

I was looking over the db quest line for Astrid's dialogue and I have some thoughts on her lines in the "To Kill An Empire" quest, the quest that you learn Astrid betrays you in. I have some thoughts.

I was looking over her voice lines and I realize how sketchy some of her lines look. Astrid has a pretty unique voice and mannerisms, so how she sounded here didn't really make it seem sketchy to me when I first played the game. I thought this was just her general vibe, but she has some interesting lines based on what you choose in the dialogue options. No matter what you pick, Astrid seems to really love complimenting the Listener/Dragonborn.

"Oh yes. And I've decided you will have the honor." / "Oh, I have the utmost faith in your success, believe me. So let's begin." / "Hmph. Look at you. So calm. So confident. I do believe you were born for this task. So let's begin."

I wouldn't say this is lovebombing, and Astrid has complimented the Listener/Dragonborn before, but I think is is a lot for Astrid. I kind of wonder if Astrid was using this to try to win them over, to get them all confident beforehand, and reassure them before the betrayal. She knew in advance that this was going to be their last mission together. She assumed after this, they would be killed or jailed by Commander Maro. Especially for an attempt to kill an Emperor, even if it wasn't actually him (as we learn later, it was a ploy).

This supports in my portrayal where I have Astrid really compliments the people she's either manipulating, or trying to win over in some way. I feel like Astrid can take many different approaches in manipulating someone--I think she has a knack for it--but usually, she figures that people like to hear compliments about themselves. They like someone to be interested in them, either by complimenting them, feeding their ego, or by showing intrigue by asking questions about themselves. So basically, she may use compliments as a manipulative tactic to win others over.

I know this is already long, so I'll try to keep it short, but I also wanted to point out the coy, almost veiled cattiness that Astrid shows in this quest. We already know later after the betrayal that Astrid didn't like the Night Mother and the Listener having more influence than her, she wanted a time where she had all the influence and power in the sanctuary. She stated numerous times that she thinks the idea of a Listener is ridiculous and doesn't believe the legend of the Night Mother. But when she talks about the Listener here, it's almost as if she's playing a game where she's hiding her distate, trying to gauge their reaction, and trying to charm them in a weird way. She tends either lower or lift her voice when she speaks of the Night Mother or the Listener.

"Yes. For Sithis... and the Night Mother. You are the Listener after all, hmm? So let's not waste any more time." / It took all the favors, bribes, and blackmails I could muster, but I've secured your exit out of the keep. Just follow my instructions, and the Dark Brotherhood will be back on top. All thanks to you... Listener."

When Astrid's stressed out, she has difficulty with sleeping. Whatever plagues her enters her nightmares and even normal dreams seem to surround around her stress, so Astrid prefers to stay up. She alsl gets almost a surge of adrenaline/anxiety that keeps her more alert, jumping at the smallest of sounds. It keeps her mind awake at all times, which makes it hard to sleep, until she can figure out a solution.

During the whole Cicero/Night Mother conflict where Astrid's leadership was in the chopping block with the emergence of the Listener, Astrid spent many sleepless nights staring down at the map before her. Arnbjorn tired to convince her to go to bed, and he's the only person who could do so, but there were many moments where Astrid would be passed out in her chair with her cheek pressed against the cold stone table. This lack of sleep and constant tiredness doesn't help Astrid's paranoia at all. She will grow more reckless as a result, especially as the intense situation gets worse.

retrograderesemblance asked : ✿ astrid & townsend :')

SEND “ ✿ ” FOR 2 HEADCANONS FOR OUR MUSES’ RELATIONSHIP. / @retrograderesemblance -- accepting

1: Even after they are divorced, Astrid will still make Townsend's preferred cup of tea or coffee out of habit. When she's finished with it, she realizes what she just made and for who.

2: When she's out and about, at least once she will think she spots Townsend in the corner of her eye to where she will literally stop in her tracks until she realizes its not him at all.

In non-fantasy verses (like t.urn, general medieval, & r.dr2), Astrid still has Shadowmere in her care. Instead of having obvious glowing red eyes, Shadowmere has a brown hue to his eyes. In certain lights, the eyes can look red, it's right on that edge of the color palette. This might create a mythic-like tale around Shadowmere that he has glowing red eyes.

I still need to work on Astrid's vampire verse (even if it's more connected to a specific plot/dynamic than nothing else), but I feel like Astrid would be more bloodthirsty in this verse. I think Astrid can be very cruel and callous, not caring who she has to kill if the pay is good (except y'know dark brotherhood members). In this verse, she also treats her kills as a blood source. She needs blood to survive and her job makes it pretty easy to get access to blood. I kind of figure Astrid might have more severe hunger and side effects from her vampirism. So because of need to fill her hunger, Astrid is way more violent in this verse (more than she is normally).

Sorry for the ooc posts today, but amrev verse thoughts mostly for Arnbjorn. Astrid is still included and affected by this.

So in Arnbjorn's place in Skyrim he was a member of the Companions and got kicked out. In the amrev version, I'd imagine he was maybe a Ranger (I wasn't necessarily thinking Queen's Rangers, or anything with Tartleton, maybe sorta like the Green Mountains Boys, but maybe a smaller regiment?). He got kicked out since maybe he went a bit excessive with his kills and just seemed like a loose canon perhaps. (Similar to the main verse).

Not sure if he was a Patriot or a Loyalist, but I get the vibe that he joined the army not so much because of any cause but because it's what a man seems required to do when asked of him. It just seemed like the expectation. So it doesn't really matter who he chooses because Astrid and the Dark Brotherhood assist anyone willing to pay them. They are more interested in the chaos of the war and Astrid actually sort of sees King George and George Washington similar in wanting to "rule" over the colonies in their own way. Either way, no matter who Arnbjorn served with, I can see either the British Army or the Continential Army coming in and destroying the Dark Brotherhood either way. I often switch between the two, depending on the plot, since I would imagine both sides would see the group as vile.

Thinking of animal symbolism for Astrid. She definitely has cat-like eyes, so maybe a panther? I can also see Astrid as a scorpion.

bold all that apply to your muse  , memories of my childhood edition...

scraped knees,  silent tears in a locked room, slamming doors,  pervasive loneliness,  a dog barking,  rain on a metal roof,  flinching at movement,  the creak of an old house,  forced laughter,  wandering in the dark woods,  wondering how you made it through,  sudden loss,  trying to make sense of the noise,  hiding what you love to protect it,  trying to explain but your words falter,  invaded privacy,  confusion at the pain,  running barefoot in the grass,  wondering what you did wrong and coming up with nothing,  realizing you aren’t a priority,   grass stains on white clothing,  trying to earn love you will never have,  being threatened over the smallest mistake,  secrets you are warned not to share,  the feeling of never being good enough,  the hope things might someday get better,  grief that aches in your bones,  childish dares and pranks,  the sense that your body isn’t yours,  shame and guilt that aren’t yours to carry,  sledding down a frozen hill,  absentmindedly following snakes through the grass,  punching a tree until your knuckles bleed,  tears over every dead creature you find,  searching out small places you can hide... just in case,  climbing the tallest tree so they can’t touch you,  the feeling of something tainted under your skin,  a curious child told to stop asking,  floral dresses,  body tensing at approaching footsteps,  anger with nowhere to go,  brief escapes from the chaos,  the purr of a contented cat,  taking the blame to keep the peace,  being told you’re too sensitive,  the creaking springs of a trampoline on a sunny day

MUSE QUESTIONS

What is your character’s favourite physical activity?: Besides murder, Astrid does enjoy a bit of fencing. She really likes to travel and experience new cultures and people. Idk if this is a physical activity, but Astrid likes to people-watch.

What is your character’s favourite weather?: Either a light rain or the misty-fog that Falkreath woods often get in the early mornings.

What is your character’s favourite season?: Autumn.

What is your character’s least favourite season?: Astrid doesn't really dislike any of the seasons, but probably summer. Astrid likes cold weather over really hot weather.

Is your character a morning person, night owl, or something else entirely?: Night owl since most of her jobs have to take place under the cover of night. Where the Sanctuary is located in the deep dwellings of a cave, it can be hard for Astrid to keep track of time, so she often works late.

A stranger makes a crude comment to your character. How do they react?: It depends on her mood. Most of the time she doesn't pay it any mind because Astrid is secure in herself. With her job, it often toys with taboo subjects, so she expects some backlash and is comfortable being an outsider in some ways. There have been times where Astrid killed someone over their comments towards her, but that ultimately depends on her mood if she's already on the edge.

What is your character’s favourite beverage?: Red wine. Yes, this does make her a wine aunt.

Does your character know how to swim?: Yes.

It’s the first day of truly good weather that your character has seen this year. What do they do?: Astrid may take on a job or just travel with a companion. She does enjoy staying indoors and dealing with her leadership responsibilities, but she also likes to get out when she can. I think she would go on a ride with Shadowmere to really enjoy the good weather.

What was your character’s last pleasant dream?: Astrid doesn't remember her dreams and if she tells you a riveting tale about a dream, she is lying. Her last pleasant dream was a dream of her and Arnbjorn! It was a simple dream of cuddling with him, but Astrid really enjoys those quiet moments with her husband.

What is your character’s worst fear?: Failure. Its a broad word, but it encompasses a lot of different fears: failing the Dark Brotherhood, failing herself, failing in being a leader and losing her position. Astrid's anger and paranoia as almost always motivated by fear.

What is your character’s favourite colour to wear?: Red. She thinks it compliments her eyes.

From your point of view, what is your character’s worst flaw?: Fear or her ego. If both go unchecked, it can really show the ugly sides of herself. It can lead her into reckless actions and ultimately lead to her downfall. Her lying and multiple masks of her personality is a close second.

From your point of view, what is your character’s greatest strength?: Her persistence. I could write a whole essay on Astrid from everything I've built about her, but Astrid isn't one to give up easily in all her endeavors. Her persistence is what led her to become a leader in the Dark Brotherhood and I think its generally a good trait to have as the leader. Astrid also has good charming abilities and her goals (while a bit morbid) are actually sort of wholesome? That might be the wrong word, but her goal of making the Dark Brotherhood successful, building a "home" for outsiders, and providing for her "family" can be seen as honorable. (If you ignore the cult behavior and murder).

Is your character an introvert or an extrovert?: Extrovert.

What method of transportation does your character use?: Horse, usually, but other times carriages or walking.

How does your character feel about sex?: Number list is messing up because I feel like I have to throw this under a read more. TRIGGER WARNING: Astrid does as Astrid pleases, so she will engage in intercourse if she wants to. FWBs, romantic relationship, etc. She isn't really one for one night stands, so she prefers to at least know the person a little bit and for attraction to obviously be there. But Astrid can be known to have some... complicated dynamics. Anyways, Astrid actually doesn't engage with this as much as someone might expect. Sure, she enjoys it, but she does have a group to run and a goal to accomplish. She's generally pretty neutral towards this topic. She enjoys it, sure, but she actually keeps herself quiet on these matters. I think why Astrid is so dominating in the bedroom might be from her SA trauma of having it all in her control and how that can be a comfort for her. I don't want to sound insensitive by saying this, but its just what I'm wondering could be the case. Again, this isn't set in stone and I don't want to sound like I'm fetishizing her trauma at all because as someone with similar experience to her in my childhood, that's far from what I want to portray here.

Has your character ever deliberately set out to emotionally hurt someone?: No, but she always has the possibility to do so. Astrid isn't against manipulating someone to keep them under her control, but she usually doesn't want to emotionally hurt someone. She always could though.

VOICE  /  SPEECH  STUDY !ㅤㅤbold always applies, italics sometimes applies

# OF SPOKEN LANGUAGES.    1  /  2  /  3 +

TONE OF VOICE.    high  /  average  /  deep

ACCENT.    yes(?)  /  soft  /  no

DEMEANOR.    confident  /  shy  /  approachable  /  hostile  /  other

POSTURE.    slumped  /  straight  /  stiff  /  relaxed

HABITS.    head tilting  /  swaying  /  fidgeting  /  stuttering  /  gesturing  /  arm crossing  /  strokes chin  /  er, um, or other interjections  /  plays with hair  /  plays with clothing  /  hands at hips  /  inconsistent eye contact  /  maintains eye contact  /  frequent pausing (for dramatic effect)  /  stands close  /  stands at distance

COMPLEXITY.

VOCABULARY.     ◼ ◼ ◼ ◻ ◻ 

EMOTION.     ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼

SENTENCE STRUCTURE.    ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼  ◻

PROFANITY.

FREQUENCY.      ◼ ◼ ◻ ◻ ◻

CREATIVITY.      ◼ ◻ ◻ ◻ ◻

BOLD ALL THAT APPLY.   arse.  ass.  asshole.  bastard.  bitch.  bloody.  bugger.  bollocks.  chicken shit.  crap.  cunt.  dick.  dickhead.  frick.  fuck.  horseshit.  motherfucker.  piss.  prick.  screw.  shit.  shitass.  son of a bitch.  twat.  wanker.  pussy.  dipshit.

GIVEN PROPER RELIGIOUS CONTEXT.    christ on a bike.  christ on a cracker.  damn.  goddamn.  godsdamn.  hell.  holy shit.  jesus.  jesus christ.  jesus h christ.  jesus h. roosevelt christ.  lord have mercy.  jesus, mary and joseph.  sweet jesus.  seven hells.

THIS OR THAT?    contractions or enunciation?  straightforward or cryptic?  jargon or toned?  complexity or simplicity?  finding the right word or using the first word that comes to mind?  masculinity, neutrality, or femininity?  formalities or abrasiveness?  praise or equivocation?  frankness or lies?  excessive or minimal hand gestures?  name-calling or magnanimity?  friendly or blunt nicknames?

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.

DO PEOPLE HAVE A HARD TIME UNDERSTANDING OR HEARING YOUR CHARACTER?    almost always  /  frequently  /  sometimes  /  rarely  /  never

DOES YOUR CHARACTER’S POINT COME ACROSS EASILY WHEN THEY SPEAK?    almost always  /  frequently  /  sometimes  /  rarely  /  never

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER INITIATE CONVERSATIONS?    almost always  /  frequently  /  sometimes  /  rarely  /  never

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER BE THE ONE TO END CONVERSATIONS?    almost always  /  frequently  /  sometimes  /  rarely  /  never

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER USE ‘WHOM’ IN A SENTENCE?    yes  /  no  /  only ironically

YOUR CHARACTER WANTS TO MAKE A COUNTERPOINT. WHAT WORD DO THEY USE?    but  /  though  /  although  /  however  /  perhaps  /  mayhaps

HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER END CONVERSATIONS?    walk away  /  ask if that’s everything  /  say that that’s everything  /  give a proper goodbye  /  tell their company they’re done here  /  remain quiet  /  they don’t

HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER ADDRESS OTHERS?    titles  /  first names  /  surnames  /  full names  /  nicknames

WHAT SOCIAL CLASS WOULD OTHERS ASSUME YOUR CHARACTER BELONGS  TO, HEARING THEM SPEAK?    upper  /  middle  /  working  /  lower

IN WHAT WAYS DOES THE WAY YOUR CHARACTER SPEAK STAND OUT TO OTHERS?    accent  /  vocabulary  /  tone  /  level  /  politeness /  brusqueness  /  it doesn’t

Tw: death mention, discussion of sexism.

       Though Astrid's mom is not the greatest figure in her life with her controlling tendencies over Astrid in her youth: choosing her lifestyle for her as if she was a doll. I do feel a little bit of sympathy for her. Astrid doesn't, but I do.

      ��Astrid's father died when she was young. She hardly knew him, all she knew was her mother and she never knew her beyond her controlling ways. Whether she was in a happy marriage or not and if her mother was any different, she doesn't know. They never spoke about her father much, she just knew he was a presence once in her life. But Astrid's mother dreams to be within the elite society, to be wealthy and have a reputation that made others respect her, was likely the only thing keeping her together in times of stress. Astrid didn't grow up in a wealthy household, despite her mother giving her a solid education (nothing grand like actual high society people, but better than that of a schoolhouse) and mingling with other middle class and above people to hopefully raise her reputation and get her name out there, clinging to last names and lies she wove to make it appear as if she was born with wealth and luxury. But Astrid's mother clung to this as almost a manifestation in a way. If one believes it hard enough, it will happen. She didn't have a male figure in the home to provide protection and income, she only had a daughter and with that, she was going to make her that provider and do what she can without a son or a husband of her own. Tap into what a woman would be allowed to do to get something going.

       Though at the expense of Astrid's control being out of her own hands and her fate being crafted by someone else, her friends were chosen for her; these friendships were tested to see if they could further the household's status; a bunch of different last names were used to try to add more initial respect on their name alone; there was an arranged marriage in the works; she was heavily encouraged to pursue interests that resided in the wealthy classes, never Astrid's own personal interests.

Muse Profile | Astrid

Full Name: Astrid (she doesn't like to go by any particular last name for various reasons, explained in her headcanon tag)

Nicknames: none that we know of

❌ Flaws

moody | short-tempered | emotionally unstable | whiny | controlling | conceited | possessive | paranoid | liar | impatient | cowardly | bitter | selfish | power-hungry | greedy | lazy | judgmental | forgetful | impulsive | spiteful | stubborn | sadistic | petty | unlucky | absent-minded | abusive | addict | aggressive | childish | callous | clingy | delusional | cocky | competitive | corrupt | cynical | cruel | depressed | deranged | egotistical | envious | insecure | insensitive | lustful | delinquent | guilt complex | reclusive | reckless | nervous | oversensitive

👑 Strengths

honest | trustworthy | thoughtful | caring | brave | patient | selfless | ambitious | tolerant | lucky | intelligent | confident | focused | humble | generous | merciful | observant | wise | clever | charming | cheerful | optimistic | decisive | adaptive | calm | protective | proud | diligent | considerate | compassionate | good sportsmanship | friendly | empathetic | passionate | reliable | resourceful | sensible | sincere | witty | funny | playful

🖌️ Skills & Hobbies

art | acting | astronomy | animals | archery | sports | belly dancing | bird watching | blacksmithing | boating | calligraphy | camping | candle making | casino gambling | ceramics | racing | chess | music | cooking | crochet | weaving | exercise | swordplay | fishing | gardening | ghost hunting | ice skating | magic | engineering | building | inventing | leather-working | martial arts boxing | meditation | origami | parkour | people watching | swimming | puppetry | pyrotechnics | quilting | reading | collecting | shopping | socializing | storytelling | writing | traveling | exotic dancing | singing

TAGGED BY: stole this off the dash

TAGGING: steal it from me

WHAT  KIND  OF  HERB  ARE  YOU  ?

* 𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐃

BASIL

You wear a thousand masks and you claim them all. You say they are all you, all parts of you but some of them you picked up when you needed to be brave, some you picked up when you failed because you were yourself, some of them you picked up because you needed to be stronger for someone smaller, better for someone bigger, useful for someone crueler, and you can't help but desperately scramble for first place, for usefulness, to prove you're worth keeping around, to prove you're the best, to prove you're good enough, valuable, enough. You just want someone to tell you you're enough. You strive for success, to be a role model, to take the lead, to be someone everyone loves, someone who can't fall, someone who can't be hurt the way you were once, the way you're running from even now. Sometimes you just want someone to hold your hand and let you spill all your broken fragments outward but you know you could never let it go. The only thing holding you together some days is the image of perfection and success and security and the worst part is that everyone else needs you to never falter either because you so often are the one holding everyone together too. You can't help but wonder if your emotions are ever your own, if you are just an actor in a life that's not your own, if you were cursed to be a mannequin, a doll, from the moment you were born and placed into a life where you were a child meant to be seen, not heard, to perform, not live, and the jealousy the injustice or the pain is fueled into masks as you take the world by storm.