the kneejerk defensiveness of the israeli government by american evangelicals EVEN PEOPLE OF COLOR is so batshit insane

January 3, 2021: Cliffhanger (1993)

Sylvester Stallone.

The Italian Stallion here is one of the most prominent action movie stars of the ‘80s and ‘90s, coming to prominence with Rocky in 1976. And before we even start this review, here’s the deal: I refuse to make fun of the man’s iconic voice. Yeah, I get it, we’ve all shouted “YOADRIAAAAAAH!” at some point, but his voice and face is due to a botched birth, which pinched a nerve and caused permanent facial paralysis. We all got something, and I’m not gonna target him for it. It’s been done enough.

I also can’t really comment on his acting ability. Why? Well...OK, some confession time. I’ve BARELY seen Stallone in a film. That’s going to be fixed this year, as I’ve added many of his films to the list for 2021. So, what have and haven’t I seen? Let’s start with haven’t, shall we?

I haven’t seen:

Rocky (1976): Sports November

Rocky II (1979): maybe Sports November

First Blood (1982): later this month

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992): Please. Please don’t make me.

Cliffhanger (1993): Give it a minute.

Demolition Man (1993): Science Fiction September

Judge Dredd (1995): maybe Science Fiction September

The Expendables (2010): later this month

I have seen:

Tango and Cash (1989): Dumbass buddy cop movie with Stallone and Russell; 2/5.

Antz (1998): Sub-par Dreamworks rip-off of an already kinda sub-par Pixar movie; 2/5

Spy Kids 3: Game Over (2003): Yeah...I saw this in theaters, on my birthday. I saw everything in red and green for, like, an hour afterwards. Worth it. 2/5.

Rocky Balboa (2006): Somehow, this is the only Rocky movie I’ve seen, Creed included. And from what I remember, it was fine. 3/5.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017): The ONE good Stallone movie I’ve seen, and it isn’t even a Stallone movie. 5/5.

So, yeah, I haven’t seen any good Stallone movies, sans the one. But now, some of you are probably asking another question: “Why Cliffhanger? You literally haven’t seen any major Stallone movie, so WHY CLIFFHANGER?”

First of all, I think everybody’s kinda slept on this movie. It was a big success back in the day, but people have basically forgotten it at this point. You’ll see in this review that there aren’t even many GIFs from the movie made, and it wasn’t easy to find enough clips to make my own, honestly. Does it deserve to get slept on? I mean, we’ll see, right? 

Secondly, I just watched a Tom Cruise movie where he dangles off of a rope, and I liked that, so why not do that for the next one, I guess! And third...honestly, I saw this on the list, and it kinda just spoke to me. It called to me, like a boxer calling to his love. Hey, look, a reference to a movie I’ve never seen. We’ll get there. We’ll get there. Oh, and SPOILERS from here on out, by the way.

Recap

We start on a cliff. Surprise.

Michael Rooker (y’know, Yondu from Guardians of the Galaxy) is hanging out (HA!) with his girlfriend Sarah on a cliff called the Tower. Y’know, third date kinda stuff. First date is dinner, second date is dinner and a movie, and third date is free-climbing up a cliff to your near death. Well...near is a strong word…

ANYHOOOO, We meet Gabe, played by the big man himself, Sly Stallion, who’s a rescue ranger in the Rocky Mountains. So, Rocky, the Rockies Rescue Ranger is sent to save Yondu and Sarah. Unfortunately...someone forgot to check the equipment before the rescue mission…

Not gonna lie, this scene is actually heart-wrenchingly tense. And the ending...well, if you’ve seen Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls...you know what happens here. And it’s actually somewhat traumatic, for Gabe and for me. Seriously. It’s a roughie.

Cut to almost a year later, and Gabe is...NOT OK. He and his wife, Jessie (who is a pilot for the Rescue Rangers, and was there when Sarah fell), have been separate, and Gabe just can’t do it anymore. And I get it, honestly. That was a hard experience, losing someone and blaming yourself. And no, it wasn’t Gabe’s fault. But to add insult to injury, he has NO SUPPORT SYSTEM. His wife doesn’t seem to understand, his former best friend Yondu hates him (getting GotG Vol. 2 flashbacks), and he’s basically all alone. Geez. You guys are jerks.

Meanwhile, a plot is afoot! And hey, it’s Tripp from CSI: Miami, AKA Rex Linn! I always liked him, so it’s cool to see him in other roles. Turns out, though, that Tripp is working with a group of thugs to steal from the US Treasury. This villainous group of 8 thugs is led by John Lithgow, AKA Lord Farquaad from Shrek, who is channeling Hans Gruber from Die Hard, and trying super-hard on that British accent. Anyway, after a pretty great mid-flight action sequence, the group of thugs loses 3 suitcases of money, amounting to millions. In the process, they also lose Expendable Thugs #1 and #2. This will be a trend. 

The thugs crash their plane into the mountain, killing Expendable Thug #3 in the process. They stage a rescue situation to get some expert mountain climbers to help them find the money. Jessie, after having just told her hubby to suck it up like a big boy (I don’t really like Jessie, by the way), begs him to help find these people. Reluctantly, he agrees, and has a tension filled reunion with his former best friend, who blames him (unfairly, in my opinion). That animosity disappears as soon as they find themselves held hostage by the thugs. And so, the money hunt begins!

First suitcase is on a cliffside, and Stallone goes to get it. Some shenanigans quickly ensure, and the thugs shoot at him. An avalanche occurs because these dumbasses have never seen a movie, and in the process, we lose a suitcase of money, Expendable Thug #4 goes the way of Sarah, and Gabe is presumed dead. Farquaad tells Yondu to tell his coworkers that everything is fine, and he’s gonna stay on the mountain to ride out the storm. Which is #5 in the list of “moments in this movie where I would 100% die” I grew up in a warm climate, this is not a comfortable hypothetical situation for me.

Anyway, our intrepid team of criminals takes Yondu to find the next suitcase, while Jessie and Gabe separately make their way to the cabin that Yondu was talking about. They catch each other up, and they can’t contact the main office because...Jessie’s radio died in the cold? You...you work amongst mountains as a rescue officer for stranded hikers. That’s the best excuse the writers came up with? Why the hell didn’t she bring a better radio? They HAD to have spares, right? RIGHT? Geez, no wonder you needed Gabe’s help.

The tracker, with its marvelously outdated computer graphics technology (IT’S A UNIX SYSTEM IKNOWTHIS), leads the thugs to the next package, but not before Gabe and Jesse get there! Gabe leaves a ransom note for the money, holding it hostage. This eventually leads to a nighttime chase in the snow, leading to Expendable Thug #5 going The Way of Sarah.

By the way, it’s also at this point that I notice that it is VERY bright...for being in the middle of the mountains at night. And I get it, you can’t exactly have your movie be shot in darkness, but...look at this.

Like...wow. That’s the fakest outdoor shot I’ve ever seen. I guess I’m glad it isn’t a day-for-night shot, but...yeah. Wow.

Jesse and Gabe find themselves in a cave full of the cutest goddamn bats I’ve ever seen. This is supposed to be a harrowing experience, but simply makes me jealous. They’re fruit bats, by the way, and they’re also WAY too high up, altitude-wise. At least, that’s what I assume. I’m a bird-guy, not a bat-guy. Eventually, they make it out of the cave after Stallone does some free-climbing...loudly. Loud enough for the super-violent, sociopathic, knife-and-gun-loving Expendable Thug #6 to hear them. And that’s when Gabe ICE-PICKS HIM IN THE LEG DAMN

Understandably pissed, and not as understandably still walking around without crying (#6 in that list of me-dying moments), the thug finds and beats the SHIT out of Gabe, handily.  But then, he calls Jessie a bitch, and Gabe is, above all things a feminist. Which leads to him, and read this CLOSELY:

This leads to Stallone, bloodied and beaten, PICKING THE THUG UP OVER HIS HEAD, AND IMPALING HIM ONTO A STALACTITE. Not a stalagmite, a STALACTITE. HOLY SHIT!.

Well, Expendable Thug #6 is dead, there’s a bomb on the mountaintop, Jesse almost goes The Way of Sarah, and Frank (another guy who works with them, don’t know if I mentioned him) gets lured into a trap where he gets killed. An “Aww” moment from me; I liked Frank, he seemed like a really nice guy. This eventually leads to Farquaad and Tripp out-crazy-ing each other, and Farquaad winning by killing Expendable Thug #7, who does not go The Way of Sarah (blessed be her fall).

Gabe finds the remaining money, while Tripp, Yondu, and Expendable Thug #7 get there just after. Tripp leaves, and Yondu then delivers my favorite line of the movie:

Oh, sorry, no, it’s, “In a minute, I’ll be dead. You will always be an asshole.” Thug #7 beats the shit out of Yondu, I get flashbacks to GotG 2, and Thug #8 goes THE WAY OF SARAH, BLESSED BE HER FALL. Tripp finds the tracker without the money, and officially loses it, outing himself and Farquaad to the government officials who FINALLY get here.

Tripp finds Gabe, they make their way to a frozen mountain lake, and Gabe SHOOTS TRIPP FROM UNDERNEATH THE ICE. That shouldn’t have worked for many reasons, but that was cool, so fuck it. Now, it’s just Farquaad, BUT HE HAS JESSIE! OH NOOOOOOOooooooo.

This whole thing culminates in a tense, cool chase sequence between Gabe and Farquad in the helicopter. The helicopter crashes into the mountainside, and the two fight while on the helicopter, which is now hanging from the cliff.

Oh. Oh, I get it.

This inevitably leads to Farquaad and the helicopter going, of course, The Way of Sarah. Blessed Be Her Fall. #BBHF. 

And that’s it. Our three heroes are, themselves, rescued by the government agents, and we pan away from the cliffside, as the credits roll. Boom. Cliffhanger.

Stay tuned for the epilogue, which contains the review!

Just my thoughts on death note NETFLIX movie

So i watched the death note movie last night and GOOD LORD it was bad I mean if i had never seen the original I might have actually liked it but since I have there was so many plot holes and scences were missing most not even all of charters were off and a bunch of other stuff

(I’M CURRENTLY REWATCHING THE ORIGINAL SERIES )

Side note sorry for the spelling errors and missing words I wrote all of these at 12-3 in the morning

Holy shit this is so American right off the bat

3 cop cars lights blazing with in the first minute

Pft light Turner ( is he related to timmy Turner from fairy odd parents

Kay so misa is a cheerleader now ?kool I guess

Light Turner:that smart guy who dose other people’s math home work

Creeper stop looking at the cheerleaders creep

So misa is the head bitch of the cheer team?

In case if you forgot where the movie took place, there is a highschool/collage football team practicing with the cheerleaders neer by

Oh misa smokes now also during practice?also also where the hell did the cigeret come from and how is fit already lit?

Boy notices girl (I bet they are going to do it later on in the movie ()

“Fuck I think she likes me even though we probley never met before ” look

Edgy title sequences with flashing different colours

+ Roll credits

None of the T’s are side ways nor upside down

Oh shit rave time

Oh shit sudden winds

Did she inhale he cigeret ?

Oh geez the note book has fallen from the sky

Oh shit right its right beside me

Let’s grab it

Roll credits

Now it’s raining suddenly everyone run away

Bullies sucks

Classic I’m gonna beat up up and steal your money

Girl tries to be tough only to be pushed by the bully and guy yells out after catching her “DON’T TOUCH HER”

OH SHIT SMART GUY HAD BEEN HANDING OUT ANSWERS TO PEOPLE

smart guy tries to make the principal see the bigger picture of things for students

Why did light lose his mom at a young age

In the anime he had his mother why the odd detail of a lost one to justify the guy HANDING out answers to people and to be edgy ????

Kool girl can’t talk to the edgy guy of the school

Random ass jumpscare Falling asleep in detention cliques

Why did you have to push all the books off the desk you could have placed them on the desk either side of you? Also why all the books anyways ?

At least they kept the rules of the book right

Why dose the writing end here ?

Holy fuck flashing lights,damn it the power when out why?

WHAT THE FUCK MARBLES

Why are there millions of marble in here in a glass jar some where back there

“Anyone there” clique

What’s with the millions of jars in the front or back of the class??

WHAT or who knocked this over?

AH BIG SPIKY THING

HOLY FUCK IT LOOKED AT ME

*nocks a shelf down by falling into it from fear*

Random winds indoors

Locked door when shits going down clique

Light Turner is a little bitch

Screams for a whole minute quite to look at shit flying around the class room screams like a little bitch again

Oh shit everything stoped and this room is a mess I’m going to be untroubled for this

My Apple has been ate *dun dun dun*

Ah A DISIMBODY VOICE

Main character thinks they are sleeping in a odd senerior clique

“Eight foot demon lookin mother fucker” -light Turner

Was just freaking out a second ago but listens to what the “Eight foot demon lookin mother ” has to say and dose the thing he says to do

Oh shit that chick is getting bullied what do I do?

“Let’s kill them by writing their name in this ‘death note ”

God damn I know you want this person to die but by decapations that’s a little fucked up mate

I was right God damn, that’s disturbing! A fucking lader to the face , it didn’t even take the head completely off just where the mouth separates

Also the girl and that guy now needs some deep mentle health help now that shits gonna stay with them forever now

OH DAMN SON THAT’S NOT RIGHT

Oh shit I was talking to the demon lookin mother fucker and now he gone but the powers back on and the class room is a mess

-12 minute mark

Oh look the book I just used to kill that dude like just pick this back up and act like nothing happened

Awkward dinner with my father (OH shit wait where’s lights little sis?) With a earth quake happening at the same time

Mubble mubble? Mumble . Mumble mumble mumble? Mumble mumble? JUST SPEAK CLEARLY PLEASE

SO the mom got ran over and died and apparently talking about this makes light angry as hell?

Time to use the death note to write that guys name down or wait what don’t trust ryuk?

AH DEMON IN MY CLOSET

Let’s toss a Apple in here

“2 days? Wow your fingers are huge ”

Causal steals evidence from the folder of your dead mom’s case

Out of pure spite I’m gonna kill the one who killed my mother

That felt good

WHAT THE FUCK Hollywood I get it more blood the better but god damn vomitting blood after falling neck first onto a knife that’s just gross and yes shocking but ewwwwww

Fuck ryuk looks fucking creepy as fuck,

Also why is ryuk so sinnicual in this in the anime he’s just like to as you want I’ll be right here eating all of the apples

Let’s read this thing out in public no one will notice except my crush

Cheer leader girl is kinda messed up

Oh wow your name is Mia,U COULD HAVE KEPT THE NAME MISA

-22 minute mark

“ I can’t tell you what this is but if you really want to know lemme tell you all about it”

Girl thinks u are batshit crazy son

Out of everything they kept the hostage scene ???

Oh damn you killed a man I believe everything you say and do now

Back to the whole sub plot of mommy died now I’m emotionally dead inside and now I have this book I can feel something now

“ Let us make a new world light”

Takes the lady up to his room and I told you they were gonna fuck

“Lets kill every one bad to fine the good”

“ be named kira” “why kira ? What dose it mean ?” “I means light in Celtic or Russian like that ” ^— it means killer in the translation to English or to (*キラキラ*) shine/glitter in japanese you twat also Russian yes but it means like the sun And no way is it even close to having a Celtic background it’s Greek meaning lady

Okay they kept the prison scene but to a minimum

Why the fuck is L at the scene of the crime??? Why didn’t they cast him like the fans wanted, who cares about a diverse cast , we want the quirks of the actual charter to be shown

If they cut out the whole tennis since I’m gonna be sad and if they do the whole tough black guy thing I’m gonna be really upset with the character

What’s with the random ass song ???

No really wtf

A SINGLE SONG PUTS THE GREATEST DETIVE TO LIVE ASLEEP DON’T LET ANYONE KNOW ABOUT IT

WHERE’S MY OLD MAN WATARI WHAMMY ?

dose the dad even have a name or naw

Wahhh that was watari singing that random add song??? Why is he japanese he was a English gentalman(kinda)in the anime ????

WHAT NO WHY?

L IS A CLEAN FREAK NO CANDY IS SPLIT NO WHERE WHY YOU NO SIT CORRECT KNEES TO YOUR CHIN FEET ON THE FLOOR GOD DAME IT

but hey you have the room of which they meet in so I guess that’s cool or are you gonna gloss over that and not show the task force guys ?

Apparently talking about killing people gives Mia a boner good to know

NO TASK FORCE ? THE FUCK

JAMES TURNER WHY?????

OMG JUST EAT THE ICE CREAM YOU DICK

L WHAT NO THIS ISN’T HOW THAT HAPPENED THE PUT A FAKE

WHAT ABOUT THE SHINIGAMI EYES MOTHER DUCKED? WHERE S REM? MISA SHINIGMA WHAT ABOUT HER HUH? YOU MISSES A CRUSAL PLOT POINT DUMBASSES

ALSO IT WAS OVER A LEADERS CONFRENACE OF HEAD POLICE FORCE PEOPLE NOT A TYPICAL ONE COME ALL REPORTER MEET AND GREET

NO VOICE MODOFACATIONS EAITHER??? REALLY?

Hahaha they kept the stalking of light

WHAT THE FUCK happened

Let’s do all live interviews with a mass killer on the lose

Let’s drop all of the f bombs man screw ratings

WHO MADE RYUK THE GOD OF ALL SHINIGMAS? DID THEY NOT LOOK AT DEATH NOTE THIRTEEN? ALSO WHO MADE THIS BOOK?

LET’S JUST BE DICKS IN PUBLIC TO EACH OTHER

UM WHAT IS HAPPING

NO NO NO NO NO NO

THE DEATH NOTE DOSENT WORK LIKE THAT YO,U CAN’T KILL OFF THE ONE CHARATER THAT LEADS TO SOMETHING IMPORTANT ASLO MIA YOU MORE USELESS THAN THE CHARTER MISA AT LEAST SHE HAD THE SHINIGAMI EYES AND HAD A NPTE BOOK OF HER OWN AND ACTUALLY DID THINGS

WHAT THERE IS NO RULE 89 Its FAKE you idiot There’s only 6ish rules and they have the simplest of loop holds but misa can see them too she knows more than you do about the death note light Turner

Uh no what the hell is st.martains orphanage in Montauk IT WAS WHAMMYS ORPHANAGE IN LONDON ENGLAND WHERE MELLO,MATT AND N AND I GUESS BB LIVED AND WORKED ON BECOMING THE NEXT L BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT

??? Rochester wards what the hell is that??? I mean yeah sure yeah you got that part right about becoming great detectives but it was only yo become a sucesor to L Because he had a few months to live or whatever the time ACTUALly was

????? Now this is bull shit locking children away to make them stay sane? To be come a great deftective and the rest of which you are saying is shit , La in his thirty or so cause MATT and mello and near are all in their 20s or a wee bit older

Fuck this movie man

L looks so week in this like yeah watari is basically L’S father and what not but the guy I know and looked up to is being please as a guy who can’t do anything for him self watari this watari that I get it but there are things of which I don’t get about this portrale why dose he sleep for — amount of hours when we takes cat naps through out the day OKAY THIS TAKES THE FUCKING CAKE L IS RESTRICTED BY A POLICE OFFICER THIS MAN KNOWS HOW TO EVERY FIGHTING TECHNIQUE LNOWN TO MAN BUT GOD FORBID A OFFICER TAKES HIM DOWN AND HEY LET’S TAKE THE MOST MENTAL STABLE MAN EVER AND TURN HIM INTO A NEVIOUSE MESS

SO WAIT NO TRAPS IN THE ROOM NO PENCILE IN THE DOOR NO GOOD FUCKING PARTS TO THE ORIGINAL YOU PEICE OF GARBAGE CREATER

THE ORIGINAL HAD A BETTER SOUND TRACK AND NOT SOME CHEEP OVER USED SCARY MOVIE BMG

THAT’S HOW WATARI DIES IN THIS SHITTY VERSION A SAD PATHTIC DEATH

WHAT THE FUCK there are no rules you twat

This movie honestly broke my heart turned L into a shallow mess of a characterwhich made him look so week skipped a bunch a details that made the anime what it was it slipped over MAT,mello and near and the final battle at the end misa sucked a lot the final scene really is the point where ryuk writes lights name in the book but booboo Mia had to write it and blah blah blah I AM THE FINAL BATTLE AND THERE IS 21:48 LEFT TO THIS SERISE WHAT THE FUCK IF GONNA HAPPEN??? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENES

NO BOTH OF THEM DIES ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME THAT’S HOW THIS SHIT ENDS OH WAIT NO SINCE LIGTS PAPER GOT BURNT IN A FIRE MEANS THE BITCH OH LIGHT ISN’T KIRA BECAUSE HE SAW HIS NAME A PAPER AND THESE DOSNENT HAPEN BECAUSE OF THIS AND THAT YOU MESSED UP BIG TIME MOVIE ALSO FUCK THE THE RULE OF WHO EVER TOUCHES THE NOTE BOOK SEES SHINIGAMI

FUCK THIS MOVIE TO THE FULLEST EXTENT THIS DID NO JUSTICE YOU THE ORIGINAL THIS WAS TERRIBLE AND I VERY MUCHED HATES HOW THE ENDING TURNES OUT FUCK YOU ADAM WINGARD AND ALL THOSE WHO HELPEd make this

Side note

WHO the hell comes into someone’s house and is all like HI yeah I know I don’t live here but gtfo the adults need to speak

I hate my physics teacher but he says some weird shit. here are his best quotes.

“and she looked like a dweeb but it doesn't matter because she's hot.” “imagine this punk-ass kid...” “ro-day-oh” “*screaming* YEEHAAAAW” “my wife went to a loser school.” “oh. that's where that obama guy went.” “I was president of all these things. okay. you're a loser.” “it’s got a cockroach crawling out of somebody's anus.” “you're a thief and you're a violent offender. go to texas.” “God did not have an eleventh commandment that said a 90% is an A.” “they had another brother. i forget what his name was but he was just there.” “our family is so devoid of talent that when we did the senior musical they told my brother, ‘you move your mouth but nothing comes out.’” “I’m not big on IQ.” “3 times 64. that's...........a lot.” “I think i can. i think i can. oh that was a great book.” “I AM AN ISLAND.” “he was one of those geeks who’d come into my room during lunch.” “Kids will do anything for food.” “Beethoven didn't have good social skills.” “pair-a-bowl-uh.” “g-e-o-meat-tree” “re-nay-sance” “you didn't have velocitom- speedometers.” “and dedicated to the proposition that all men-not women- are created equal.” “newton sat back and said, ‘damn, i took algebra 2.’” “they invented something. it was bitching.” “your little cell phone has an accelerometer on it.” “you get in your damned car right now. you have friggin GPS.” “what is a graph? you guys have no effing clue.” “screw it. this is america, man.” “they got these cheesy ass little- hey...” “and he marries his mom because she's a hottie.” “i'm going ‘no sweat.’ she's goin ‘YEAH SWEAT.’” “they send him off to some hills to die and some idiot saves him.” “trig-no-me-tree.” “if the plane crashes, whatever. little things.” “der-i’ve-a-tive.” “someone help her out. *people give answers* well don't listen to idiots.” “the magnitude of my ineptness.” “he invented something. it was a terrible thing-he invented the essay.” “i threw that at you to see how you interpilate.” “we’re talking so small your kitchen is in your bedroom. as long as you have 16 million dollars, you can have the friend's apartment.” “FROGS ARE NOT AERODYNAMIC.” “you're a genie-ass.” “what says ‘i love you’ more than eating the one you love?” “their bodies will be goop. and this is metaphorical and beautiful. how much closer can you be when you're stirred together?” “the book didn't have a female character because he's a male-dog-anystic pig.” “speaking of time….OOH BABY.” “you had telephones *aggressively slams hand on the wall* MOUNTED ON THE FRIGGIN WALL.” “and some kid goes, ‘yooo my daddy’s rich!’” “it looks like a badminton racket on steroids.” “it was by the skin on her chinny chin chin.” “we’re going to use the weight of history to raise our ramp.” “she was rich. and hot. and i was a dweeb.” “i can't draw a corvette.” “sucker’s gonna exaggerate….ah...accelerate.” “some bum wit says, ‘let’s put tin cans on the back of their car.’” “someone comes up with a big ‘ol truck because this is tennessee.” “you're gonna be wheel meat.” “move aside, pesticide.” “you put this if you wanna be cool.” “anyways, these guys go, ‘bitchin!’” *walks like a crab* “Shula? God?” “tow truck drivers come in two flavors.” “they brought a scale and a hard hat, and they were wearing pajamas. i don't know. this is [school].” “cas goes, ‘see joe? we’ll leave him as a hostage.’” “my brother by accident got accepted to a school in new hampshire.” “this is amazing. I’m shaking God’s hand.” “you know the way buildings work.” “people got upset because it was killing fish, so they decided to kill people instead.” “we’ll call him Joe Jerk because that's kind of what he was.” “i don't believe in slavery.” “energy is like pornography, you might not be able to define it, but most everyone recognizes it when they see it.” “she goes, 'mr [teacher], let’s do it.’ and i go ‘i’m married.’ and she goes, ‘NO, THE BOOK.” “I’m looking for pews. if anyone knows a church...I want catholic pews. they're the best.” “*draws a scribble* let's pretend this is art. ART.” “every once in awhile you run into one that's just so bitchin’ ass cool.” “there's not even a verb there. and this guy went to stanford.” “the right thing? or communists?” “oh, it was so bitchin!” “she looks like a chicken. and i'm like ‘This isn't cosplay.’” “there's spanish and then there's hippies.” “she was old. she must have been like 35.” “Ms. [other teacher] could have played the wicked witch in the wizard of oz.” “if i looked out far enough, i'd probably see a t rex out there.” “he's tighter than a mole’s bum.” “if i speak louder, they'll understand better.” “I. GEORGE.” “i love my mom and she loves me. like a rock.” “you can do it baby” (said three times to an inanimate object in one day.” “1+1 and 1x1 are the same answer.” “i'm using two seconds. if you're a loser, you can use one.” “a football field is like one and a half acres.” “what does that look like for a complete clover look?” “it was a gimungous space bagel.” “because on the black market, your torso can be used.” “he's not donald trump. he is todd. but he's todd-did-well.” “back then, they had a thing called grass.” “what was romeo and juliet in new york called?” “there's many ways to skin a cat.” “thou shall not have a disturbance at the front desk.” “live for your GPA. worship it.” “and then antarctica, where i'm going to send you if you laugh.” “you're in space just hanging out and the earth just hits you!” “if you did google translate from math-ish to english…” “if i happened to be in space and the moon were plowing around, would it hurt?” “russia, i can see it from my winda.” “where’d korea go?” “their last name was broccoli. the stupidest name in the world.” “i'm gonna be the only child i should have been.” “i'm not going to go into gender classification for doorknobs.” “how the hell do you get a lamborghini? that's like, really expensive.” “i liked mary-anne. she was not. and then there was that one actress i hated.” “real, 100% plastic plants.” “do not write this. ‘mister [teacher] thinks he shouldn't be afraid of bombs.’” “you comedysportz kids will get this. *tells story about astronauts.*” “*jumps excitedly* THIS IS SO BITCHIN!!” “bouncy bounce-that's my terminology.” “how did the pound sign get to be called hashtag?” “and you go, ‘what does this have to do with the price of beans?’ and it doesn't have anything to do with beans, but it has something to do with this story.” “Physics is racist.” “This perverted cat...” “You put the lime in the....oh no, that’s the wrong song.” “You know it’s a trumpet. Why? Because it’s got a flag hanging from it.” “WE’RE GONNA GO TO THE YMCA.” “She was very, well...very.” “You don’t have to be able to sing because they've got autocorrect.” “Nothing says ‘i love you’ like cutlery.” “I’ve been lifting weights for six years now and i’m half an inch shorter.” “I don’t have a neck. My muscles are too big.” “Dude, i think i can explain the universe with my saxophone.” “I love you a lot, but today, fuck you.” “The most religious people i've ever met are atheists.” “They got eyes on the top of their head because they’re weird people.” “Do you actually have to USE the fancy ass mathematics?” “It’s winter. Y’all can’t see shit.” “Your brain bone...what’s it called? SKULL!” “The definition of a cold is not snot!” “The first time you do heroine is the best. I don’t know. I’ve just happened to have met a lot of heroine addicts.” “I was making molten lead in the backyard.” “You know what dead people look like?” “Those of you who are pigmentally challenged.” “For a thousand effing bucks, i’ll wash their ass.” “So you invent liquid butter.” “You know what? We’re gonna kill china.” “The earth has gravity and it reaches out with these octopus tentacles.” “I want to meet Julius Caesar, but then I realized that was stupid.” "i know the moon's not a rabbit." "i never realized you could make a bridge explode." "i built a bridge that was the most bitchin ass coolest bridge i'd ever seen." "you know he's smart because he thought so much his hair all fell out." "nowadays we live in wussville" "[his name], you're going to hell." "maybe you've got a friend who's a drug dealer. they've got good scales." "i'm gonna make a flying buttress of a bridge." "spock wasn't people of color. he was green." "i hate bridges. me no do." "we have extendo-thing-o" "some of you have siblings who shoot up, so if you can get a needle, that helps." "it was the beginning of a life long love affair with this bridge." "if you're gonna trip out, don't do it in a tree." "you're not smarter. you're farter." "let's sit back and play the ukulele in a tree." "we'd go down to the bang bumpity bump." "*singing* i am so blue. i have. no clue. what shall we do? perhaps something new?" "the first picture is a fun. i know those of you who are anti gun are all upset but just deal with it a second." *spends ten minutes drawing a picture* *throws meter stick across classroom* "that's why we don't have glass on that cabinet anymore." "usually they don't offer loaded shotguns to six-year-olds." "you is fitty." "you know he's going fast. you know why? those lines are really long." "it's safer to fire guns in space." "at age six what the hell do you know about physics?" "do you feel physics?" "i have a brain ON my head." "you should not be looking up. you die." "there's a lot of possibilities. one is incorrect and the others are interesting." "all the kids were called mr. [his name]." "you eat, you piss." *talking about childbirth* "this is just like tug of war." "we went to this terrible store. it's called marshall's." "you still got beat up by some other group of kids. why? BECAUSE YOU'RE A DWEEB!" "Mom, i'm all fucked up. you should have made me play piano more." "let's pretend it's not true. it'll make me seem better. there was this dweeb..." "my fist is really upset with you." "how dare you? this is America. i can do whatever i want." "you know that's the problem? you're a selfish bastard" "life's good. the swedes win." "you can't, but if you happen to be a nerd at caltech, you can." "computers are very good at doing arithmetic." "we have a couple cross country losers here." *squats* "this is the answer to everything." "sue God." "it's all about having a 4.5 gpa and taking ap yoga." "winston churchill- who i love very dearly." "anyone who believes in seat belts is a wuss." "ever wonder why these old cars had gimungous trunks? it wasn't so you could put thirteen bodies in it and drive off." "i'm not trying to sound like an advertisement for swedish brains." "there are people like mr [name] out there. that guy's effing crazy." "the swedes. oh bless them." "i see this car coming straight at me at 70 miles an hour and i'm thinking 'what a nice car...'" "some religions are built on like gods and stuff. Thor..." "i can explain the whole world. i need calculus. i have to invent that first, but i can figure out the whole world." "we couldn't hit ships with beans with these things." "don't major in communications." "she's like a piranha." "why do you go to costco? ya loser." "i have a friend. he's a doctor. he's not stupid." "cool guys can spin the wheel with one hand.... i was told." "you're thinking, 'dude, physics.'" "youre sitting next to someone who's radiating gorgeous and you're like 'i'm radiating ugly.'" "why do you shop at wal-effing-mart?" "the way that God and Newton meant things to be." "that sounds stupid, but guys have never been good at deep thoughts." "you guys. better run fast because i'm gonna beat the bleep out of you." "oil companies are the modern day pirates." "they had discovered cocaine but it hadn't come to San Marino yet." "wow. you're a mr. negativity." “they put a godzilla level of give in there.” “with the exception of harvard, most colleges have an ethical standard.” *measures paper in megabytes* “sometimes my language is a bit salty.” “i apologize for biting your head off.” “there's just an achilles' tendon” “just taking cliff’s notes doesn't mean you know diddly shit about romeo and juliet.” “objects jump off of sharp pointy things.” “you could free range roam as far as you could range.”

The Curse of King Tut, pt. 8

Title: The Curse of King Tut!

Rating: T

Summary: Edward places the final pieces of the puzzle together and vows to save Dr. Young. But first, he’ll have to break out of GCPD.

Previous Chapters: 1/2/3/4/5/6/7

AO3 Link

The explosion had killed two GCPD officers and wounded six, including Commissioner Gordon. The injuries ranged from critical, in the case of the skittish young officer who had given Edward that fateful message, to relatively superficial, in the case of the Commissioner. They had all been transported to Gotham County General Hospital. Pending the arrival of the deputy commissioner, that left a leadership void at GCPD headquarters. A void that Detective Bullock filled. As soon as the fire department had gotten the blaze in the waiting room under control, Bullock had commandeered an interrogation room where he was hard at work browbeating the man he and many others in GCPD held responsible for the bombing.

"You really expect us to believe," he sneered, glaring down at the man seated on the other side of the table. "That you didn't know what Tut had planned?"

Edward glared back at Bullock. "If I did," he seethed. "Goodman would still be in custody and he wouldn't have a hostage. It's hardly my fault that GCPD's security protocols are as useless as its officers-"

Bullock backhanded him, causing his head to snap back. Edward stifled a curse, then glared defiantly back at Bullock. "That almost hurt."

Bullock's face was scarlet with rage as he pointed a meaty finger in Edward's face. "Two cops are dead! The Commish's in the hospital, our shrink got kidnapped and you're sayin' you had no idea it was a set up!? What happened to you being the smartest guy in Gotham?"

Edward had no response to that as he gingerly rubbed his face. "Are you done with this farce? I have a rogue to catch."

"You aren't going anywhere," Aaron Cash said. He and Montoya stood behind him, ready to shove him back down if he attempted to get up. Cash had been the one to forcibly drag Edward back into GCPD after he'd attempted to chase Goodman. "You've done more than enough."

Edward turned around. "Goodman kidnapped Dr. Young to get to me," he argued. "What do you think he'll do to her if I don't show up?"

Cash's face darkened at the mention of Dr. Young. He looked like he wanted to slug Edward until Montoya intervened. "We're not playing his game," she said. She looked at Bullock. "This isn't getting us anywhere Harv. We need to get more people out on the streets looking for Tut. We're up against a ticking clock."

There was a knock on the interrogation room door and another detective poked her head inside. "Detective Bullock? The deputy commissioner is here."

Bullock nodded. "Alright, let's go." Montoya exited first, following the other detective. Edward made a move to get up, only to feel the weight of Cash's arm pushing him back down.

"You're stayin' put Nigma," Bullock growled. "I told the commissioner we should've brought you in when this happened. Now that's what we're gonna do."

Edward almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You're detaining me!? On what charge!?"

"That you're a threat to yourself and others," Bullock said. "We let you run loose and try to play detective and look what happened. Until we catch Tut, you're staying right here." Bullock then lurched towards the door. "There'll be two officers posted outside so don't even think of trying to escape." Bullock left the room. "Come on Cash. Take his cell phone. Don't want him to call up any of his freak friends to bust him out."

Cash looked down at Edward. "Give it here."

Edward met Cash's gaze. Cash was her friend, maybe he'd listen. "I'm the best chance she has," he said. "If you don't let me out, Goodman will kill her. You know that."

There was a flicker of something in Cash's eyes and Edward actually dared to hope he'd reached the other man. This foolish hope was extinguished when Cash said "Hand it over or I'll take it off of you. That will hurt."

Edward hesitated, but slowly reached into his pocket and handed Cash his cell phone. Cash took it, then followed Bullock out of the room. Before he shut the door, he glared back at Edward. "If anything happens to Doc Young, I'm comin' for you." He slammed the door behind him and Edward heard the distinct sound of the door lock.

Now that he was alone, Edward brought his fist down on the table and let out a cry of anger and complete frustration. How had he missed this? How did he not see this coming? He'd been too over-confident, he'd taken Goodman too lightly and now she was-This wasn't his fault. First of all it was Goodman for not rotting away in obscurity like he deserved. It was GCPD's fault for not taking proper security measures when admitting people. It was Montoya's fault for leaving Goodman alone with her. It was Cash's fault for not getting out of his way and delaying him from getting to her. Edward brought his hands up to his face. It was his fault, for drawing her into this mess. She wasn't like him, or Selina or Oswald or Nina and Deirdre or Jonathan. He should have taken greater care to make sure she couldn't be linked to him and like a stupid, reckless idiot, he'd led Goodman straight to her. I can't help it if she happens to be the one person affiliated with GCPD willing to give me even a modicum of the respect I deserve. And look at how he'd repaid that. Edward was not a man who felt guilt often, but he could feel it now, almost suffocating him. "That's enough Edward," he said. "Focus. How did Goodman even find out about her? Answer: he or his partner followed you to her." Edward sat straight up. If Goodman had followed him to Penelope, then he may have had him followed earlier than that. Ellen!

Edward got out of his chair and rushed over to the door. He began to pound on it. "I want my phone call!"

There was a pause before he heard an officer respond to him. "Yeah and I want a million bucks."

Time to play hardball. Edward took a deep breath and began to shout "I am entitled to a phone call! If I don't get that phone call I'll be suing Gotham City, the GCPD and you personally for all you're worth! By the time my lawyer's done with you, your great-great grandchildren will be paying my estate! Now give me a phone!"

The door opened and a disgruntled looking uniformed officer shoved a cell phone at him. "There! Jesus Christ, will you shut up already!?" The interrogation door slammed and locked again. Once he had the phone in his hands, Edward dialed Ellen's home phone number. The line began to ring and with each ring the phone wasn't picked up, Edward felt his anxiety spike. Pick up, please pick up, it's after dark in the winter, where could you possibly be-At this point, he'd gladly talk to her grandmother if it meant someone actually picked up-

"Hello?"

Edward almost let a cry of relief out. "Ellen?"

"Pops? Is that you? Where have you been?"

"Ellen," he said "There's been an incident. Is your grandmother home?"

"No, she got called into work, the news said that that Tut guy blew up GCPD. What the heck's going on? I thought you got that guy!"

Edward sighed. "I did, but he managed to escape. Listen to me Ellen, stay inside and don't open that door for anyone but your grandmother. Understand?"

"Pops, you sound freaked. What happened?"

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. He'd tried to keep Ellen out of this part of his life as much as possible, but it seemed he had no choice. "I've been detained by GCPD."

"Holy shit. Wait, shouldn't you be calling a lawyer or something?"

"Ellen, language. And I don't have the time for that." He moved away from the door towards the far corner of the room, just in case the posted officers were listening in. Edward bit his lip. He sincerely hoped that what he was about to do wouldn't backfire. "Ellen," he asked. "Do you still want to help me out on this case?"

There was a slight pause on the other end, until Ellen's voice rang loud and clear. "Hell yeah! What do you need me to do?"

Despite the situation, Edward had to smile a bit. "Good girl. I'm going to give you a number. Are you ready?"

"Shoot."

"I need you to call 867-5309. That's Selina Kyle's cell phone number. If she doesn't pick up, keep calling until she does. Tell her that I've been detained by GCPD. Before she secures my release though, tell her to go to my office and get my laptop and the middle cane in my closet. Did you get that?"

"Call Selina, tell her to get your laptop and middle cane before she breaks you out. Got it. Anything else?"

Edward took a glance at the door. He could pick the lock easily enough, but he wouldn't get a foot out the door before the officers outside swarmed him. He needed to thin the herd. "Call the GCPD main line and tell them that you've spotted Tut. Make up an address if you have to, but be careful not to give yourself away."

"Prank call the GCPD? Sweet. OK. Is that it?"

"That's it." Edward looked towards the door. The cop would want his phone back anytime now. "I need to go. Remember what to do?"

"Call Selina, get your stuff, call GCPD, bust you out. Got it. When you get Tut, kick him the dick."

That would be the least Edward would do to the man when he caught him. "Language," he scolded. "And Ellen...thank you." He hung up before she could respond. Just in time, there was a knock on the door.

"You done yet Riddler?"

"Yes." he said. The door opened and the officer from before was there, holding his hand out expectantly. Edward gave him back his phone and the door shut again. Edward crossed back to his seat at the table and sat down. Nothing to do now but to wait for Selina to come get him. Between now and then, he needed to mentally review everything about this case, starting from yesterday. He closed his eyes. Selina had been right. This scheme was too complicated and well organized to be Goodman alone. He had a partner. Edward had passed her on his way into the GCPD waiting room, he was certain of that much. When Edward figured out who she was, he'd find Goodman and Penelope.

Edward began to tap his fingers on the table. Goodman hadn't associated with any known criminals during his eight years of quiet and most of the hench crowd were male besides. A scheme like this too...this was personal. She had to be someone Goodman knew. Someone he trusted. He had no family in Gotham. Most of his friends from his museum days had deserted him after he'd been sent to Arkham. He concentrated as much as he could. The only woman Edward could recall was associated with Goodman from back then was Leigh Carson, his last victim. He couldn't imagine she'd want anything to do with-

Wait. Wait. A flash came to him. He remembered leaning down to untie her. He remembered Goodman lunging for him. He remembered being knocked into the sarcophagus that Goodman had set up to bury Carson in. He remembered her standing by the lever that would lower the lid onto him.

He remembered her pulling it.

I think she was trying to impress him.

Son of a Bitch.

That was how Goodman did it. Carson had helped him. She'd been helping him all along. She'd been infatuated with him ten years ago. How could he have forgotten that? Penelope was right too, he thought ruefully. The smallest missed detail could get someone killed. I'll make it up to you, he thought. I promise. I'll get you out of this.

A noise from outside made Edward's eyes snap open. "We just got an anonymous tip that Goodman's been spotted by the Wall. E. Weasel's on 44th and Market! Move out!" Edward heard the sound of heavy footsteps running down the hallway. He chuckled a bit to himself. Good girl Ellen.

"What about Riddler?" Edward heard one of the officers posted outside ask.

"I'll stay here to watch him. You go with Bullock!" One down. One to go.

Edward checked his watch. It had been thirty minutes since he'd talked to Ellen. Selina should be at his office by now or on her way here. Time to get to work. Slowly, carefully, Edward made his way up to the door and began to pick the lock. Within seconds, Edward had the door unlocked. There was still one officer posted outside though. He needed a distraction or...wait. Why was the building shaking?

Just outside, Edward could hear the officer curse. "The Hell was that-?"

"JESUS CHRIST! GET OUT HERE! THERE'S A TREE GROWING IN THE FRONT PARKING LOT!"

It seemed that Selina enlisted the help of her friends. Wonderful. It seemed to do the trick though, as Edward heard the retreating footsteps of the officer guarding the door. Edward slowly opened it, holding a breath. The hallway was clear. There was no telling how long it would stay that way. After taking a quick look, Edward briskly walked towards the emergency exit he'd run out of not two hours earlier. One more step, then he'd be on his way.

"Edward?"

Edward froze and turned around slowly. Behind him stood Dr. Leland, with a neutral expression on her face. "You're going after Victor."

It wasn't a question. "Yes," he said. "I'm the only one who can stop him, Dr."

Dr. Leland's expression didn't change. "Victor kidnapped Penelope to antagonize you. I want you to tell me the truth Edward: who is she to you?"

Edward hesitated. He wasn't sure of that answer himself at this point. Partner? Colleague? "She's been of assistance to me in the past. I aim to return the favor."

This answer didn't seem to satisfy Dr. Leland, but she nodded just the same. "Go. Try not to kill Victor if you don't have to, but save her Edward. Please."

"I will Dr. Leland." He tipped his hat to her. "It's me, remember?" And with that, Edward opened the emergency exit. The alarm rang loud as he began to run into the parking lot. By his calculation, he had at most, a thirty second head start before officers would begin to pour out, less if his absence had already been discovered. He needed to get to the street as fast as he could before-

"Riddler's loose! Get him!"

Edward swore and increased his pace. It was snowing out now, but the adrenaline kept his blood warm as he ran. He could hear behind him the sounds of officers ordering him to stop, but he kept going. He was out of the parking lot and onto the street now. Where the Hell was Selina!?

The answer came in the form of her car pulling up, almost running him down. It came to a stop and she threw the passenger door open. "Get in! Now!" The persuing officers were about ten seconds behind him. He barely manged to get in the car before Selina took off speeding into the night. Edward buckled in and leaned back, catching his breath.

"This bring back any memories Eddie?" Selina asked.

"Now now Lina," Edward scolded. "Do you have my things?"

"Yeah, I got your laptop and your cane. What the Hell happened? Two hours ago and you had Tut in custody and now he blew up the GCPD?" Selina asked.

"You were right," Edward said. "You were right all along. Goodman had a partner. She planted a bomb in GCPD to help break him out." Edward's grip tightened a bit. "They took Dr. Young."

Selina's face went from confused to concerned. "How did- They must have followed us to that coffee shop."

"That's what I'm thinking," Edward said. "I know who his partner is. It's Leigh Carson."

"The woman he tried to kill? Are you sure?"

"Positive. I remembered back at GCPD. Carson seemed to have an attachment to Goodman ten years ago. She actually tried to help him kill me."

"So she pulled a Harley with Goodman and decided to help him out," Selina mused. "But Eddie, we looked her up yesterday when this all started and you couldn't find any trace of her."

Edward rubbed his chin. That was true. Wait. "I couldn't find any trace of Leigh 'Carson'...Selina, we need to find a place with internet."

"For the last time Barbara, I'm fine," Gordon groused. "I've had worse cuts shaving."

Barbara shook her head. "Sure Dad. Stay and rest a bit longer though? For me?"

Barbara watched as her father's face softened. "Well, alright-"He was cut off by the sound of his cell phone ringing. "Could you hand me that Barb?"

Barbara pulled the phone out of her father's jacket pocket and handed it to him. "This is Commissioner Gordon-What do you mean Nigma's 'escaped'? Escaped from what?" Gordon's face turned red. "He was detained!? On whose orders!?"

While her father was having a very heated conversation, Barbara wheeled herself to the other side of the room and pulled out her own phone. She quickly texted a number. WHEN ARE YOU AND BRUCE DUE BACK?

NOT FOR ANOTHER EIGHT HOURS. WHAT'S GOING ON?

"What do you mean there's a tree growing in front of GCPD!?"

WE HAVE A SITUATION.

Selina ignored the stares from the other denizens of the internet cafe and watched as Eddie typed away on his laptop. He was hunched over it, his fingers furiously striking his keyboard. No doubt he was imagining what he'd do to Goodman's face when he caught up to him. She'd known him for over a decade now. She knew that he had two modes when he was angry. There were the more common fits of loud anger, usually when he'd been slighted or felt that his favorite opponent had 'cheated'. She'd seen that for herself yesterday when Tut had called Eddie a has been. There was another mode though, one she was seeing now. When Eddie felt he'd been double crossed, or if someone had made him beyond angry, there was the deliberate, methodical, vengeful Eddie. The Eddie that once he had you in his sights, wouldn't stop until your life was completely destroyed, without him so much as lifting a finger against you. The Eddie that even Selina wouldn't cross. If Goodman's goal with this latest stunt was to rile Eddie up, he'd succeeded. He has no idea just what he's unleashed... Suddenly, Edward slammed his fist down on the desk he was working at, starting the people who were brave enough to continue working around him. "Son of a Bitch! How did I miss this!?"

"Miss what?" Selina asked, looking over his shoulder.

Eddie pointed at the screen. "Look here. Eight years ago, a Leigh Goodman bought a townhouse six blocks away from Goodman's listed address. She changed her name Selina! That's why we couldn't find her earlier!"

Selina raised an eyebrow. That couldn't be a coincidence. She didn't have time to say anything as Eddie packed up his laptop and dashed back to her car. "Eddie!" she called out, running after him. "Hold on! Goodman got the drop on us before! If he and Carson are holed up together-"

"I don't have time for this!" Eddie rounded on her. "Goodman's had her for over two hours! I'll think of something on the way! Now let's go!"

Selina stopped almost dead in her tracks. Eddie's anger wasn't just about the humiliation he'd received at GCPD. It was about Dr. Young too. Just who were they to each other? Shaking her head, she hopped into the driver's seat and started the car. If they survived this, she had a lot of questions for her friend.

It took all Edward had not to jump out of the car as soon as Selina pulled up to the townhouse. She was right though. If he just burst in, odds were that he'd be running right into a trap. He waited for Selina to stop the car before he unbuckled his seat belt. "We'll go in through the front door together," she said. "We might be able to catch them off guard that way."

Edward nodded. Grabing his cane, he slowly followed Selina up to the front porch. There were no lights on inside. Either no one was there, or they were waiting. He stopped at the front door. He carefully placed a hand on the handle and turned the knob. The door was unlocked. Edward gestured to Selina. "The door's open. Shall we?"

Selina unfurled her whip and took her position next to him. "On three. One."

Edward's grip tightened on the knob. "Two."

"Three!"

Edward turned the knob and threw the door open and he and Selina entered the townhouse together. Apart from the sounds they made as they slowly walked down the hallway and into what Edward presumed was a living room, there was no sign of life. Edward's grip tightened on his cane. He wasn't wrong about this. He couldn't be. To his left, he vaguely saw Selina looking for a light switch. She succeeded, for the lights came on.

The living room was spacious and decorated with an assortment of Egyptian themed knick knacks. The furniture was a rich mahogany and Edward realized that they were walking on an authentic antique rug. That would explain what happened to the money that Carson had embezzled a decade ago.

"I gotta say," Selina drawled as she took the place in. "They've got taste. No offense, but if he and Carson were living it up like this, why was he bothering coming after you?"

"Living off of the charity of the woman who framed you for embezzlement doesn't sound like living it up to me," Edward said shortly. "I wonder why he didn't kill her. At any rate, with men like Goodman, it's not about money." Men like Goodman and him, Edward thought. He was beginning to see more parallels between them the longer he was on this case. "Where are they?"

"Eddie," Selina said carefully. "I don't think they're here."

"No, they have to be! Where else could they have taken her!?" Edward brought a hand up to his head and he felt his fingers digging into his scalp. He couldn't be wrong, he'd been wrong too often on this case already, if he was wrong, she was dead. He almost jumped when he felt Selina's hand press gently on his shoulder.

"We'll find them," she reassured him. "The door was unlocked when we got here. They had to have been by recently. Let's take a look around the place. We should be able to find some clues."

Edward took a gulp of breath to steady his nerves and nodded. "Right. I'll check upstairs. Yell if you find anything." He walked towards the staircase and went up. When he was at the top of the staircase, he entered the first door to the left. He realized upon flicking the switch that he was in what appeared to be an office. His attention was immediately taken by the whiteboard Goodman had set up. In the very center of it was a picture of himself, taken when Wayne had hired him over a year ago. Edward walked up to the whiteboard to take a closer look. Various news articles were taped up on it, detailing all the cases he'd cracked since he started working as a private investigator. Edward crossed over to Goodman's desk, which was also covered by articles, these detailing Edward's past crimes as the Riddler. Edward picked up one that had a picture of his face on it. Goodman had drawn a circle around him in red ink with an X through it. The man really was obsessed with him. A flash came to Edward again of another desk in another office, with papers strewn about just like this , only instead of his picture of him on it, there were pictures of Batman. Cheater.

Edward dropped the article he was holding with a start. Where had that come from? He was about to leave the room when he noticed a small pill bottle half buried under papers on the desk. He picked it up and read the label. It was prescribed to Goodman himself. Anti-psychotic medication perhaps? Edward read the name of the medication. 'Avastin'.

Edward's eyes went wide. That explained it. That explained everything. The poor bastard was- Then he heard Selina's voice from downstairs. "Eddie! Get down here!"

He placed the pill bottle in his waistcoat pocket before running back down the stairs. He felt his nerves working back up as he thought about what Selina might have found. Don't be blood. Don't be a body. He arrived back into the living room, only to find it empty. "Selina? Where are you?"

"In the kitchen! Come take a look at this!"

Edward followed her voice into the equally spacious kitchen. Selina stood there in front of the long kitchen table. The table was covered with jewelry. Egyptian jewelry. "The contents of the Tut exhibition, I take it?"

Selina nodded, then stood to the side to allow Edward access. "Eddie, there's more." She gestured to four canopic jars arranged on the table. Edward's breath caught in his throat when he saw what was draped across one of them. Penelope's GCPD ID. Edward took it and held it between his fingers. They had been here.

Selina handed him a note. "This was on the table too." Edward read it and his eyes narrowed. There was an address scrawled on the top and the message below read. COME HERE TO FACE YOUR FINAL JUDGEMENT. COME ALONE. IF YOU ARE NOT HERE BEFORE MIDNIGHT, SHE WILL FACE IT FOR YOU. Edward clnched the note in his fist and threw it back onto the table.

"Eddie," he heard Selina say. "You know this is a trap."

Edward scoffed. "Of course it is Lina. But I have to go." He looked back at Penelope's badge and remembered what had happened outside of Tetch's hideout that summer. You asked me once what it would take for people to give you the benefit of the doubt. This is your benefit of the doubt. Don't waste it...

"I owe her that much."