#'oh they're just doin it for attention' and? there's clearly a fuckin problem if that's how they choose to do such???
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ppl who sh for attention are so valid because oh my god no one who isn't mentally ill would sh as a way to get attention
#text#rotting#mine#I think abt this a lot#'oh they're just doin it for attention' and? there's clearly a fuckin problem if that's how they choose to do such???#no one whose mentally stable would ever go 'hehehe hohohooo I think it'd be funny to fake mental illness by actually self harmin'#honestly writin someone off bc its 'attention seekin' is just gonna make the problem worse...#I think bein attention seekin with sh is a product of neglect or their pain bein dismissed/ignored and sh is often used as a measurin tool#by many for 'how bad is it' no matter how wrong that is#so by sayin they're just attention seekin and dismissin their pain yer just reconfirmin their already held issues#honestly its wild how much of a 'no I don't actively sh or have any plans to commit die' will quell any urgency a doctor will have to treat#completely ignorin the fact I am 100% impulsive and have a history of doin shit and creatin the entire plan to attempt in one day#or get a little off my rockers and notice oh shit I just did that after it's already dmged myselff#but then again I don't feel like bein locked up because I honestly cannot give any consistent way to check#if they'll just stay intrusive thoughts or if they're gonna become reality#also not to go off on a further tangent but I hate the ppl on tiktok classifyin impulsive vs intrusive thought by whether you act on them#when you can 100% act on an intrusive thought... typically in delusion or in a way to make it stop or it's so overwhelmin you loose control#in my experience as a delusional bitch.. intrusive thoughts can and have won#and it can become hard to tell whether that's how I actually feel when my brain is violently tellin me it is#anyways that's a long road down a tangent but also not really and it did come full circle if you consider the fact that#the push to sh for attention is one of my intrusive thoughts eyooo#mostly born out of the fact my pain was never real enough to those around me. I was never considered sick enough. I had no proof of my pain#I was just a lost cause and it was all my fault. so yea. it did start as a way to try to make my pain real#altho it has warped and adapted overtime as my mental health has gone down a slippery slope to sh for attention from one person directly#guess I've been taught as I grew up that if I'm hurt enough I'll get attention I so desperately crave. always ignored if I wasn't in crisis#and I don't know how else to get what I want so even then I naturally just break down as it's my only ability instantly get attention#even if I'm not doin it on purpose I'm just so wired and trained to mentally or physically hurt myself in an explosive attempt#to get what I want regardless of if I want to take that method but the infightin in my head just makes it happen anyways#and it sucks because tbfh. it works. my behavior is reinforced almost constantly but it's also extremely dangerous to not be reinforced#cause then I don't know how to handle myself and get sui and it just sucks a lot
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๐๐๐๐ ๐
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๐๐๐ข๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐ : ๐๐๐๐๐๐ซ (๐ฒ/๐ง) ๐ฑ ๐๐๐ซ๐ซ๐ฒ.
๐๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐๐ซ๐ซ๐ฒ: ๐๐ง ๐ฐ๐ก๐ข๐๐ก ๐ซ๐๐๐๐๐ซ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐๐ซ๐ซ๐ฒ ๐๐ซ๐ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐๐ง๐๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐๐๐ง๐๐๐ข๐ญ๐ฌ, ๐๐ฎ๐ญ ๐๐๐๐ฉ ๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ก๐๐ฏ๐ ๐๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐๐๐๐ก๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ซ. ๐๐จ๐ฆ๐๐จ๐ง๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ญ๐ฌ ๐๐๐ซ๐ซ๐ฒ ๐จ๐ง ๐ ๐๐๐ญ๐.
๐๐๐ซ๐ง๐ข๐ง๐ : ๐๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ญ, ๐๐ฅ๐ฎ๐๐, ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐ฅ๐ฎ๐๐!!!
๐๐จ๐ง๐ : ๐๐๐ซ๐ ๐๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ ๐๐ฒ ๐๐จ๐ซ๐๐
Being a university kiddo isn't a joke you're one of it's victim and how insensitive it will sound but you worked as paparazzi because you were literally going homeless.
One buzzy night when Harry was just having a light environment get together with four of his friends in his London's home you were practically managing your bum on his kitchen's windows deck which was providing you the clear view of them just chillin' out.
You felt bad. A horrible person who goes on invadilating people's life but you've a contract of one more month and they need random ass photos of celebrities specifically Harry, else they'll conduct your money for which you worked late nights three months prior.
Your hands shook and you were about to tumble back into his garden many times because Harry had a great loving role in your life, you've been admiring him for years and this's completely out of your line. And you know he has a bodyguard who's monstrously taller than you and wouldn't take a second to kick you into jail.
An idiolising smile quirked up your lips seeing him in good mood sipping on his margaritas and you sigh debating whether you should do it or not.
You muttered a "fuck it" before snapping purposedly blurry photos and you were about to carefully jump down when your feet went into wrong place.
You tried to hold in your shriek when you rolled over the sink counter first then onto the floor, the fall was so painful it made you saw stars but you didn't cry even though they were fighting to spill out.
Everyone's head snapped at the chaos and Harry abruptly stood up striding towards the kitchen.
With the help of dining chair you were on your feet with a groan and you've a bleeding lip too. Harry's angry voice boomed through the walls, "What the actual fuck!?" He tilts his head towards you questioningly and you wrap yourself in your arms shrinking at his fierceness.
Now tears slipping down your cheeks like a never ending waterfall and you tried not to hiccup, sob or whimper.
"Who the hell are ya?" He's pissed. His friends remained quite watching the scenario from the living room and he's kinda feeling remorseful because a dainty girl in flared denims and a ๐ต.๐.๐ธ.๐ด.๐ฝ.๐ณ.๐ tee-shirt with blazing red embarrassed cheeks soaked with innocent tears, her protecting herself just from her arms from Harry as if he'll hurt her and lip bleeding so badly Harry was about to rush her to his washroom to clean it up.
But all in the end he kept his guard strong. Because this's from many times his privacy was being invalidated.
"I-m's...m'so sorry, Harry." You hiccuped in between your breaths and He arches his brows for if you got any further explanation for your actions.
"I'm not gonna lie to you. I was capturing your pictures sneakily from this window and w-when I was bout to go, slipped." He kind of found it cute how you said 'slipped' at the end but he let it go, before he would've said another thing you continued hastily.
"I just hate doing this. Hate invadilating people's privacy but I really really need money...you know..." You sob out gesticulating with your hands and everyone including Harry felt broken for you, "...I never wanted to do this. Never took single one of you since I've started this pathetic job and when I asked them that I want to leave they told me I can't until next month." At this Harry sighed loudly combing his hair back taking your arm and making your shaking body sit at the chair.
You couldn't stop sobbing. You feel so fuckin' pathetic you want to just kill yourself at the moment because everything's crashing down onto you just when you were infront of Harry Styles after sneaking on him, "Th-they told me that they need your pictures specifically else they'd conduct my money from previous." Harry pinches his bottom lip listening to you with full attention, his gaze a bit concerned.
"That's very disgustin' of them." He spats bitterly new-profound hatred for agencies enveloping him, "m..I'm so sorry. I'll delete 'em right infront of you." Your brought your camera infront of him with trembling hands but he wraps his fingers around your wrist to stop you.
"S'okay. I don't care, jus' have 'em and throw it to their faces." You shook your head and Harry's amused how caring you're for him even though you guys have never met, now he feels bad for shouting at you "no, please my morals will eat me alive. Can't do this to you." rubbing the back of your nose and in doing so you irritated your lips fingers getting all bloody. You didn't noticed you were bleeding until at the moment and your eyes widened. You hate blood it makes your nerves crawl.
"Oh my goodness." You gasp horrifically fingers vigorously trembling as you raised them to look at them clearly, your skin drained paler and Harry quickly stood up taking you with him to sink.
"S'okay, we all do mistakes sometimes. But you need it right now....can you duck down a little??" He asks you at the end while talking to you to divert your mind from the gor imaginations you were having in your brain.
He cups the water from running faucet bringing it to your lips cleaning your mouth with gentle rub of his soothing palms. His hands are calloused soft like cotton candy that tingles when it fuses on your tongue.
"I know what you're doin' isn't one of your very proud job but I can help you. Just take these pictures and ask me fo' more if they send you again until they set you free." He again makes you sit at the chair and you've calmed down better from before.
"S'not a big deal fo' me it's jus' pictures. I get annoyed when they're taken without m'permission." One his friends bought him a bottle of vaseline and he 'thanked' them before dipping his index inside the petroleum jelly, smudging it over your lips. You hissed at a certain nib and he gently shushed you, "Thank you Harry." You whispered bottom lip wobbling and he scrunched his nose at your cuteness.
"I really thought your tall bodyguard will drag me to jail." At first he thought you weren't serious but the frown and long stare of yours to his orange polished nails caused his heart to crack into pieces.
The thought of you getting scared like this multiple times, getting shouted and cursed at by celebrities, sometimes getting injured like this incident made him well...sad for you.
He stroked the back of your knuckles which are bruised too. He chuckled coarsely through his regret trying to lift the mood, "now..m'not that of a monster." He drawled out eyes flickering all over your head playfully which's lowered into shame.
You sniffled giggling through your tears standing up quickly, "I-should probably go. sorry once again...I'll try my best not to ever disturb you again." You bowed a little in an apologising way and Harry wanted to ask you to have a glass of milk to soothe the sting of your lip. He kinda wanted you to clash to him at sometimes again once he was out of his haze at what just happened.
"No problem, stay safe darlin'." He smiles at you and you at him this time he escorted you out through his main door. All his friends had a good laugh at what just happened; a girl almost breaking her bones in Harry's kitchen and him shouting at her only to scold her at the end to be careful when you sneak inside someone's house.
"Heyyyy." He throws his head annoyed when his friends found his timidness funny, "she was a nice lady, jus' little trapped into her situation."
The next week you were on his door this time knocking, one more guy waiting for you to bring Harry's pictures at the backstreet.
"Heya!" He was extra chirpy today no-wonder he had an album coming, "sorry." You muttered raising the camera that he would look at it clearly he got it what you want and grinned at you ushering you inside.
"S'alright. What do you wan' me to do?" You giggled when he made different postures one like an english girl, hand on his hip, arse in air and arm above his head enthusiastically.
"Not any of that, they should look random."
"Okay then. Move to m'garden." With a small hand on your waist he guided you to the same garden you sneaked in his house that day, "just pretend like you're doing something script-y type you know. You've an album comin' right?" He nods shushing his butterflies when you used your own words like 'script-y'.
He rushed to grab his journal sitting on stool pretending like he's writing something on it and both of you guffawed out breathily when your camera's snaps echoed, "perfect. Thank you Harry." You walked back inside and he was shining like a chime under lilac sun.
"Can I hug you?" You asked for his permission and he slinged his arm around you hugging you close to him. He was in love with your scent. It's roses and fresh water as if you bathed in rosy milk.
"Have a cup of tea, with me?" He asked you politely but you smiled, "another time. that piggy assistant of my agency is waiting for me at the backstreet."
"Didn't wanted him to know your address." You muttered swaying from one feet to another and Harry's eyes widened in amusement. He again hugged you taking you a bit by surprise but you wrapped your arms around his neck tipping on your toes for the proper embrace.
.
To that day and this you're his best friend more than that too living with him in his house because you just moved out from uni's dormetary and there was no good place to live so he offered you to live with him until.
It's been an YEAR now you're living along him because even though none of you wants to deny it you both kinda got addicted to eachother's presence and now it's hard to let go.
๐๐๐ข ๐๐ข๐ฆ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐.
He drags you to his friend's parties even though you feel so out of them. You remember when one time he practically threw you over his shoulder and in his car to a party at Kendall's house.
You were fuming for two reasons. First you were litreally in your pyjamas and bunny slip-ons, second Kendall recognized you and said in that mock tone "are you the same paparazzi girl that tripped while sneaking on me, right?" Harry was...well he didn't liked it at all. You're his bestfriend that he's wishing to keep for lifetime and he knows that phase of your life was the dying need of yours.
You weren't angry neither did you hide it. You nodded at her with sheer embarrassment in your eyes and you didn't had to tell Harry before he was taking both of you into his car driving home.
"Wish I could just remove that part of my life." You murmured sitting crossed legs on the wine rugged floor and Harry's head perked up at that while he handed you the glass of milk and cookies taking you in his lap.
"We all have that part in our life, don't care." You squished your face in the crook of his neck while he stroked your hair cooing softly into your ear, "moppet don't be sad, m'sorry. S'my fault." He kisses your head with little pecks and you giggled when he purposedly fanned his breath under your earlobe where you're most ticklish.
"Wanna play poker?" He pulls you and you bobbed your head.
He always do this. Always knows how to lift up your mood when the work load's sometimes too much. You guys give eachother's massages even though yours used to be so brutal but he didn't even said a word until one day you offered Sarah one and she squealed in a hiss.
He laughed it off as you looked at him horrified that you never cared if the massage was okay, blowing hits at him while he asked Jeff to stop you only to kiss your forehead when you pouted at him.
Both of you've feelings for eachother. Hardcore one but you refuse to let them out too scared to ruin what you've.
You guys fart in eachother's presence and take a piss with open doors. You guys are that close. When you're sprawled onto his bed without any conscious because he fucked you mercilessly last night and if the next morning you get periods making a whole damn map of Antarctica onto his white sheets he just wakes up gently not to startle you, sits you on couch for a moment quickly changes his sheets and tells you that he has brought pads, chocolates and teas for you hands you your panties ushering you inside the washroom.
You're so thankful for him. For his presence. His care for you and you just wants to return it, so you do in the form of endless cuddles at night, drunk deep talks at the rooftop, three kisses in total because he likes no more less than three before going to sleep. Making sure his coffee's perfectly brewed in the morning and you guys have enough maple syrup for his likeness.
You sometimes knits him cute balled shape gloves and bakes cookies for him, sometimes brings him dinner while you're with your girlfriends.
You guys are so domestic and in love but with friends tag that none of you've figured your feelings out.
You brought a date at home once. Drunkly kissing that guy but it was all ruined when that guy broke Harry's vase that you gifted him once. It woke Harry up and he wasn't even tiny bit of pleased with your swollen lips, watery eyes and black dress showing excessively more than he wanted.
The guy was litreally shocked to see Harry Styles walking out of one of the rooms and excused himself from you as if he saw the ghost.
He sternly arched his brow while you fumbled with your rings which are his's btw, there was a whole lecture of how you went to clubbing with your girls and came back with some random cheap guy, that you shouldn't drink so much because you forget how to function and that how sickly he was worried for you but you didn't picked his phone.
But when you opened your mouth for a good excuse he raised his index in the air shushing you like a daddy would do, "not under my roof, y/n" then when you complained you're a person too and desires sex. He grabbed your jaw smashing his lips on yours in a fervent kiss and fucked you raw against the leather wall of his living room with your dress still on.
From that day you're friends with extra benefits anyone could ask for.
Today he's out with his boys for a football match. You were watching friends reruns, your stuff toy under your armpit and the bowl full of popcorns in your lap. Everything was running when you drifted to deep sleep on the couch only to be woken up again due to loud impatient knocks.
Harry at the door shifting from one leg to another tucking his jeans down from over his crotch and you yawned loudly, "Harry? game's ov-" but you were cut off when grabbed your neck thumb under your ear and tilted his chin to kiss you deeply.
"So, fuckin' hard..." He hissed against your lips in urgency shutting the door with his feet and scurrying both of you to couch, "please pretty girl suck me off, want that so bad." He whined requesting nicely and you sighed rubbing sleep from your eyes.
"Okay then you owe me a breakfast in morning." He bobbed his head taking your hand to make you sit in between his legs, "anythin' fo' m'darlin'." He hissed grunting at the end throwing his head back on the cushions and your lips quirked up.
"Sure you went to watch football not porn?" You unzipped his fly and he raised his hips kissing your lips wetly, "what got my tarzan so rock hard, hmm?" You mumbled against his lips sucking at his bottom lip yanking his black jeans down till his ankles.
"You, please you." He whimpered when you palmed his visible prodding bulge through his boxers and the blush crept up your cheeks at his blabbering.
Sitting crossed-legs in between his open wide legs you stroked the inside of his thighs and he bucked his hips grinding his bulge agaisnt your face.
His thick member hit his lower abdomen when you fred it from his boxers, you raised a little elbows digging into his thighs tucking your nose under his eternity to lick his balls fondling with them.
"Oh fuck!" You pinned his hips down lazily taking your previous position, he's heavy and thick in your palm as you pumped him through lazy strokes.
You're extra clumsy when you wake up from sleep so your hands shook. the crown of his cock nudging your lips and chin making him moan out loud and he clenched his fingers from avoiding to just grab your cheeks and fuck your mouth.
"Yes. Pet daddy's little petal just take me, yeah?" He pushed your hair back making an eye contact with you and nodded you licked his head that sent him grunting.
You put your chin on his thigh near his knee looking at him with doe eyes admiring him when he was fully inside your mouth, "takes me so well, fuck." His hands maneuvered into your hair other lacing with yours ontop of his other thigh.
He pinched his eyes when you drooled all over his cock cheeks going shallow as you tried to suck some of your saliva down, you're lazy and in no mood to do some work so you murmured against his cock while tugging it furiously.
"Fuck my mouth daddy." You didn't had to say twice when he fisted your hair around his palm putting you in your place and fucking your mouth with speedy snaps of his hips.
"So fuckin' sloppy. Love it when ye' give me sloppy filthy heads." You hummed around him gagging when he pushed his cock to your throat pulling back to stroke him over your tongue when he saw your teary eyes, "hmm. not gonna last." His tummy with ferns rippled with ecastasy and you patted his thigh to give you access to his balls.
Your drool was tricking down till his base so you smudged it massaging his heavy blue balls getting his little whimpers in return and a "fuck baby. fuck me, please." You kept on fondling with his balls and the soft skin of his thighs palming his pelvis.
"Gonna cum in your mouth." You squeezed his hand eyelashes fluttering while he writhed under you and the last thrust of him inside your mouth caused him to fill your mouth with his cum.
With a whine he pulled out from your mouth and your eyes glinted as you straddled up his lap cradling his soft baby face in your hands. Moaning when he kissed you how lovers do, after that it was all sloppy you kissing him and you riding him throwing your head back giving him opportunity to splash blues on your throat to mark you his's.
"Oh daddy." You whimpered as he stretched his palm over your arched back your pelvis slapping his in an erotic noise. He was smiling at you litreally a genuine one.
He loves you so much. He knows you love him and he has thought of confessing it to you many times but he's scared to ruin what you've already have too precious.
"C'mon baby that's it, yeah there?" He circled your clitoris in pleasuring motions whispering in your ear, "use daddy." You moaned out sweetly holding his shoulders and before you know you hit the deep end of your pleasure in waves and kept on cumming while he kept on fucking you to your high.
"Ah!" You gasped alluringly when you came another time thrashing into his hold that he had to grasp the nape of your neck from falling back resting your temples against eachother.
"I-" ๐ผ ๐ฟ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข. But he gulped his words back pecking your lips, "Is my baby sleepy?" He pouts at you pawing at your hips and you hummed letting your head fall onto his chest.
He slept in your bed that night after taking care of you, he didn't blinked taking in your afterglow, stroking the apple of your cheeks with the back of his knuckles, pecking your lips featherly murmuring sweet nothings he doesn't have guts to say to you when you are awake.
You all invited Harry's friends to have a breakfast at your guys home. Your living room was crowding with laughters and giggly chats as you flipped pancakes.
Everyone's head snapped at someone particular stepping inside the living room, they all smiled at her and she hugged Harry almost kissing him on his lips. You were busy inside reminiscing another story of you to Sarah of you playing poker with Harry and him loosing to you treating you with your favourite chocolates.
One of your friends came inside with pity eyes and when you questioned her with the the tilt of your head she shook her head smiling at you.
Your beaming grin vanished when your eyes fell over Harry with his arm slinged over a women with blonde hair and fuckin' beautiful you could've ever imagined.
"Meet y/n my bestfriend. We live together." He told her proudly and her smiled wavered into frustrated one.
"Hi." You greeted her shyly ignoring the fact you're hurting so bad, "c'mon have a seat." You ushered her gulping the cobweb of tears when she took your seat one beside Harry but you shrugged it off sitting along Mitch.
You gathered everyone here with the thought of you maybe sharing the idea that you should move out but now it's decided that you indeed's moving out. This's your jealousy and hurt all in one decision.
"Guys..." You cleared your throat voice as if nothing's happening to you replacing the haze in your irirses with playfullness.
When you got everyone's attention you announced "I'm moving out." making Harry choke on his waffles, "no the fuck you're not." He grunted as the girl he brought with him made him sip his water.
"We need to talk." He spoke curtly and everyone looked at both of you with curiosity. They all want you to be together so bad.
"Harry-" You hissed when he dragged you inside the kitchen like a child you pouted your lower lip craning your head not to look at him, "what the fuck you're talkin' you never discussed it before hand with me?"
"I think it's time for me to move out." You whispered bottom lip wobbling and he's connecting dots on your hasty decision, "not when I exist." He said smugly trapping you between the counter and him.
"Does it matter? Go back to your girl." You muttered pinching your nose and he stepped back looking at you as if you grew two heads.
He laughed loudly holding his sides bending and slamming the counter. "What." You murmured and he pointed at you shutting his eyes tight.
"You're jealous." You quickly smacked his arm saying in high pitch, "no. I'm not!!" You squealed surprisingly when he grabbed you harshly and everyone's ears outside perked up either thinking you guys are fighting or fucking.
He cupped your cheeks kissing you with amiablity that only lovers hold for eachother, murmuring with a whine inside your mouth with each nibble "but baby you're my girl."
You looked at him accusingly and he scrunches his nose at how adorable you're looking being angry at him, "you're always gonna be my baby even the mother of my babies." You scoffed not knowing if he's joking with you.
His eyes hooded with affection and he again cupped your neck tilting your chin to his level by his thumbs, "m'serious y/n. I love you so fuckin' much." You gasped loudly which was caught by his parted lips.
"You do?" You're feeling like it's a dream. "I do very much." He pecked your lips again and again making you sob at the same counter you sobbed when you first had him.
"I love you too." Harry's heart forget to breath when he heard those words in your sweetness and he pushed you closer to him murmuring in your hair, "say it again."
"I love you. Love you. Love you. Love-" But you were cut off when he kissed you deeply with a whine never letting you go.
He explained you that the new guest's just one of his friend's friends she forced them to hang out even though they protested and with him tucking you under his armpit you both stepped outside of kitchen.
"We're together." You announced loudly and all of the people at table rolled their eyes.
"You guys were from litreally two years." They teased you but after that showered you in hugs and kisses.
Life's good with Harry.
#harry styles blurb#cute harry#harry styles#imagines#bestfriend to lover#hsh#love#fluff#harry styles angst#angst with a happy ending#oneshots#harry angst#harry fluff#harry cute
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