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#'Hey guys' 'I'm being executed today :D' 'oh. okay!'
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Foot Clan incorrect quotes pt 2
Turns out I was bothered
Anton: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us. Xever: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.
Tiger Claw: Here’s the cold medicine you asked for.  Tiger Claw: *dumps 3 shopping bags of vodka on the table*  Ivan: ...Thanks. 
Xever: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?
Anton: Ivan, do you love me?  Ivan: Of course I do!  Anton: Would you still love me if I did something bad?  Ivan: Well, of course I… would…  Anton: I mean something really, really—  Ivan: Anton, what did you do?
Anton: So, Baxter is late today. Anyone wanna bet why?  Anton: I say they slipped through the subway grate and is having terrible sex with the mole man.  Ivan: I don't know about that...I think either their alarm clock didn't go off, or they're in line at the bank.  Chris: Take this more seriously! Baxter was clearly taken in their sleep!  Tiger Claw: I bet they tucked themselves into the bed too tightly and got stuck.  Xever: Maybe they fell into another dimension where they're more interesting...?  *Baxter arrives*  Baxter: Sorry I'm late - there was a problem at the bank.  Ivan, clapping their hands in excitement:HOT DAMN! 
Anton: I put the pun in punishment.  Tiger Claw: I put the top in unstoppable.  Baxter: I put the cute in execute.  Xever: I put the sexy in dyslexia.  Chris: I put the ass in class.  Ivan: I put the D in Anton. 
Ivan: I like your top, Xever!  Chris: I have a name, you know.  Xever: *sighs* Why. Why are you like this.
Tiger Claw: I have been tricked, I have been backstabbed, and I have quite possibly been bamboozled. 
Baxter: I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood.  Baxter: I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040, and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong. And the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404".  Baxter: And I actually laughed out loud.
Baxter: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.  Xever: Throw rocks at he.  Chris: Hot Dogs.  Tiger Claw: Kill him.  Baxter: Thanks guys.
Tiger Claw: We call that a traumatic experience.  Tiger Claw, turning to Anton: Not a "bruh moment".  Tiger Claw, turning to Ivan: Not "sadge".  Tiger Claw, turning to Xever: And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".
Ivan: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka.  Ivan: *upends the bottle* 
*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*  Tiger Claw: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.  Everyone:  Baxter: ...I did. I broke it.  Tiger Claw: No. No you didn't. Chris?  Chris: Don't look at me. Look at Xever.  Xever: What?! I didn't break it.  Chris: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?  Xever: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.  Chris: Suspicious.  Xever: No, it's not!  Ivan: If it matters, probably not, but Anton was the last one to use it.  Anton: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!  Ivan: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?  Anton: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Ivan!  Baxter: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Tiger Claw.  Tiger Claw: No! Who broke it!?  Everyone:  Ivan: Tiger Claw... Chris’s been awfully quiet.  Chris: rEALLY?!  *Everyone starts arguing*  Tiger Claw, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.  Tiger Claw: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.  Tiger Claw:  Tiger Claw: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here. 
Ivan: Regular soda is too sweet!  Anton: Diet soda has a weird after taste!  Ivan: No! Ugh, oh my god. Diet soda is THE BEST! It doesn't have sugar! It's SPICY!  Anton: It has other weird stuff in it! I'll take REGULAR sugar in my REGULAR soda!  Ivan: It's SO SWEET like it's a dessert though! Diet feels more like a drink!  Anton: I'm going to physically attack you.  Ivan: Which is better, Tiger Claw?  Tiger Claw: Oh, I usually drink water!  Anton: Wha- NO!  Ivan: DISGUSTING!
Chris: You know you can die from that, right?  Ivan: *smoking a cigarette* That’s the point.  Xever: *drinking alcohol* We’re trying to speed this up.  Baxter: *Eating raw cookie dough and nodding*
Baxter: You know, Anton, when you generalize, you tell general… lies. Anton: … Anton: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns.
TC: Who do we know that has handcuffs?  Anton: Well Ivan and I-  Ivan: *elbows Anton*  Anton: ...wouldn't know.
TC: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!
Anton, bursting into the room: You two are having sex!  Xever, not looking up from their book:Really? Chris, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.
Chris, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?  Ivan: *Sends a picture of of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside*  Baxter: *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside*  Anton: *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple*  Chris: I hate all of you.
Anton: Ivan and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us.  TC: What did you do?  Anton: They chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and-  Ivan: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?
Chris: Is it still visible? Where Xever slapped me?  Ivan: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.  TC: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.  Baxter: A palm reader could tell Xever's future by looking at your face.  Anton: The phrase 'talk to teh hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.  Chris: ...A simple 'yes' would've sufficed.
Anton: What are you planning to do?  Chris: Hey, now. "Planning"?! Do you KNOW who you're talking to?!
Anton: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.  Chris: I witnessed the dumb stuff.  Xever: I recorded the dumb stuff.  Ivan: I joined you in the dumb stuff.  TC: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!
Baxter: *tapping fingers on table*  Anton: *taps fingers back furiously*  Xever: …What’s going on?  Ivan: Morse code. They’re talking.  Baxter: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … -  Anton: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
Ivan: What are you getting Xever for the holidays?  Chris: I don't know. It's kind of hard buying a gift for your partner when they already got everything they could've ever wanted when they married you. So I'm not sure yet.  Baxter: I'm getting Xever a divorce lawyer.
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bl597 · 4 years
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Hello! Can I get a ship? Both the eras please, or whichever suits me better. I am a ravenclaw girl. I'm pretty shy and introverted. I'm a chaotic mom friend. I have a dark sense of humour tho I've a miss lil sunshine vibe around me. My head is always filled with plans for pranks but I seldom execute them. I love reading, writing, baking, and swimming. I am an affectionate person (no one could have guessed that). I have brown eyes, black hair, and golden natural skin. Thank you💕 ilysfm💖
Hey love!! Of course, hope you like it 🥰❤
warnings: hm none I guess?, just fluff!!!!!!, english is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes!!
my masterlist ♡ join my sleepover!
I ship you with... Cedric Diggory!
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you two met during a Hogsmead trip
sure, you always heard about the famous Diggory, the Hufflepuff's seeker and one of the most handsome guys in Hogwarts
it was almost impossible not to know who was Cedric Diggory
but you only officially met during your fift year
you were with your friends hanging out around Hogsmead's shops
when you saw a book that you've been wanting for a while and you just needed to buy it!!
so you told them that you'd be back in a sec and left
you entered the shop and your eyes just lit up at the many magic products
and you just felt like you were in heaven
you were excitedly walking around the shop, looking for your dear book
when you hit something
at first you thought it was the wall, but you heard someone saying a small "ouch" and you looked up
realising it was a person, a very handsome hufflepuff boy
you immediately started apologizing to him and helped him get the stuff that fell when you bumped into him
he just gave you a charming smile and said it was nothing, and then introduced himself
and you were shooked™
because you had just bumped into none other than Cedric Fucking Diggory!!
you introduced yourself too because you didn't want to look like an idiot
then he gave you a last charming smile before leaving the shop
leaving you a blushing mess
you weren't the type to blush so easily, especially because of someone you just met! what had just happened?
okay
after that day you started noticing Cedric around the castle
and you realised you two actually shared a lot of classes????? how come you never noticed this boy before???
and you two started talking and you realised you two actually had a lot in common
you two became friends :D
after a few months, baby boy finally got the courage to ask you out you said yes ofc
you two went to Hogsmead and visited that shop where you two first met
he's such a gentleman and treats you like the princess you are
if someone ever dares to say some shit about you, he won't hesitate to lose Hufflepuff some points to defend his baby
don't worry, he gets more points later!
he always buys small gifts and candies, no matter how many times you tell him he doesn't have to do it
and when he found out you write oMg this boy is like your number 1 supporter!!!
he always asks you to read the things you wrote because he loves it
but if you feel uncomfortable or insecure with showing someone else your works
he would definitely understand and will never press you to do anything you don't want to
he loves studying and baking with you!!!
I mean, he isn't really the best at cooking or baking but he tries
because the smile you give him when he does something right is the bestest thing he's ever seen
and he would do anything to put a smile on your face
he just loves you so much ugh
he's the best boyfriend ever
~
I ship you with... Sirius Black!
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you two actually already knew each other ever since you were kids because you lived in the same neighborhood as his family
so you always played together
and you were the absolute bestest friends ever
he would always go to your house and you would always go to his
so when you received your Hogwarts letters and oh boi
you were so excited to finally meet Hogwarts and see with your own curious eyes how marvelous it was
you always heard about Hogwarts from your parents and cousins and you couldn't wait to have your own memories there
you and Sirius bought your materials together
and he was always joking around with you
anywaYs
you sat together at the train and he introduced you to a boy he just met, James Potter, and you three talked for the whole ride
you got sorted into Ravenclaw and Sirius into Gryffindor
you both were a little sad about being in different houses and being 'apart' from each other
but you promised to keep talking to each other
and you did :D
you felt a little upset that he was spending more time with James than with you but you understood
I mean, they were from the same house and liked the same things, so it's natural for them to be friends right?
anyways
you still hang out with Sirius sometimes
but spent more time with you Ravenclaw friends
and he spent more time with the oh so famous Marauders, as his small group was called
you sometimes went on small dates
as FriEndS of course
at least that's what you always told yourselves bc you didn't want to feed that annoying tiny hope that your feelings for each other maybe were mutual
haha
in one of your "friends" date with him you were in the Three Broomsticks
and when you were ordering your butterbear, madam Rosmerta approached you two with a sweet smile and asked
"what will such a sweet couple want today?"
and you were like
*awkward small laughs*
you opened your mouth to deny it and say that you unfortunately were just friends but Sirius was faster than you
"we would like two butterbeers, please"
he replied with a polite smile as she nodded and left, wishing you two a lovely date
and you were like ???sirius what was that
and he would just shrug and give you a smirk
he didn't say anything about that anymore for the rest of the date
which made you feel so fUcking nervous and anxious bc???????? come on sirius is your best friend why would he say that you were a couple???
you definitely did not want to wait any longer bc omg
you just nEEDED answers
so before heading to your common rooms, you stopped him and he looked at you with a mix of curiosity and nervousness
"yes, love?" he asked when you called him and you felt your knees go weak
i mean, he always calls you by names like this, but it just felt different now
"why didn't you deny it when madam Rosmerta said we were a couple?"
you nervously asked, already feeling the butterflies tickle your stomach while you waited for his answer
"i don't know" he shrugged, though you could see a hint of hesitation in his eyes "maybe i want us to be a couple"
and he just lEft
and you were like ???????bRO
you quickly came back to normal and realised what had just happened
and you couldn't leave it like that, not after what he just said
so you just ran towards him, not caring about the weird stares from a few people there
and when you finally reached him
you grabbed his hand and pulled him towards you, pulling him into a kiss
he was surprised at first, of course, but returned the kiss, resting his hands on your waist and pulling you closer
you pulled away a few minutes later, gasping for air
"Kash, what was that?" he asked, eyes flicking from your now plump and swollen lips to your beautiful and warm brown eyes
"maybe i want it too" you replied before quickly running to your common room
a wide smile on both your faces
let's just say that yeah, you two were a couple now *wink*
~
taglist ♡
@afilmbypeterp @fific7 @iamak20 @msmimimerton @grierpilots @idontknowwhatthisisfam @imseeinggred @kashishwrites @tsuukichan @mischiefsemimanaged @just-a-dreamer23 @ryeryemilani @pillowjj @witchglow
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