Tumpik
#胖次
sexfuli · 3 days ago
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鱼子酱这套长在了我的审美上🥰
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choujiaonvwang · 19 days ago
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常年不洗脚穿陈年老臭黑鞋垫穿出来的极致胸口的足汗足渍足泥和足垢都超浓的重口的原味丝袜「上身照发不了,总是被识别为敏感」」
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edd45 · 7 months ago
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進度完成50% ✅ 跑到大挖背 是哪招?! 跑到這麽性感 要這麼犧牲嗎我 雖然中間停了5分鐘休息 分成兩次跑,但還是好累 平常就要練習😓 經過了最初的那一面牆 再度回想起晚下著雨 大家一起去彩繪牆壁 為隔天的比賽加油 現在牆已經被新的塗鴉蓋過 當初貼著貼紙的招牌也褪色了 但還看得到文字的痕跡 你有看到嗎? #這件耐吉買這麼久 #第一次穿到爆開是我太胖嗎 #彩虹橋又更彩虹了 #戴口罩跑步好痛苦 #可以遛喙罩嗎 #露肉搏版面🤔 #Kyotomarathon #第一次跑線上馬拉松 #街頭路跑 #想念一起跑步的你們 #順便備戰鐵道練習 (at Neihu District) https://www.instagram.com/p/CZ3ZGQUpYUlkjb1Zq2T_sT2nw7mkTLG4m7ntdg0/?utm_medium=tumblr
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fouryearsofshades · a month ago
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Some original online Chinese fics that I like  2022
BG
买活 by 御井烹香 WIP
戏明 by 春溪笛晓 WIP
回到2002当医生 by 真熊初墨   Completed
国民法医 by 志鸟村 WIP
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花滑 穿到民国写小说 by 菌行 Completed
冒牌男神 by 莫里_ Completed
我从异界穿回来了 by 想撒欢 WIP
About those fic ↓
BG
买活 by 御井烹香 WIP
民以食为天,可乐还没喝到嘴,谢双瑶就穿越了 金手指是带了,可起点未免也太低,打个赌,死之前她能把这口可乐喝进去吗?
The MC was transmigrated into a young girl at the end of Min Dynasty (a thinly veiled Ming Dynasty) with a port-full of supplies. This was about her quest to change the society (by ruling).
This fic was written from many POV and usually not from the POV of the MC. There were also a lot of discussion regarding social and economical issues from a very China POV so it might not be for everyone. Some POV are more exiting than the other. The author is also writing 金迷 now but I haven’t started reading it yet.
戏明 by 春溪笛晓 WIP
王小文带着记忆成为奶娃娃一枚,他娘是他爹的续弦,每天坚持不懈地对他进行洗脑教育—— “你有个坏哥哥,特别爱现,十里八乡最爱出风头的就是他!” “他出生时还玩什么神仙托梦,弄得你爹对他宝贝得不得了!” “当初你爹他们给他取祥云的‘云’字当名字不说,还把他住的地方改叫瑞云楼!” “呸!” 还在喝奶的王小文听明白了,他娘拿的是恶毒继母刻薄继子剧本,他那倒霉哥叫王云! 算啦,怎么说都是自己亲娘,当然是帮亲不帮理。 * 不久之后,王小文听到他爹抱着他跟游学归来的倒霉哥介绍:“守仁,这是你弟弟。” 王小文:????? 等等啊,他哥不是叫王云吗?!
The MC was transmigrated into Ming dynasty and this was about how he grew up as the “normal” one among the geniuses. A cute story and introduced a lot of classical allusion.
回到2002当医生 by 真熊初墨   Complete
立志征服癌症、解决人间疾痛的周从文在推广粒子置入术的时候遭遇车祸,出师未捷身先死。但却阴差阳错,回到2002年,回到上一世刚参加工作,因为拒绝老主任的酒被PUA,人生跌入谷底的年代。 那个男人,他回来了。
The MC found himself back as his young self in 2002 as a new doctor. One of the thing he really wanted to change was stop his old teacher from dying of cancer.
The fic showed a lot of doctor life and medical cases, some came from the author’s own experience as a doctor. I really like the ending as it concluded with his teacher’s sickness.  
国民法医 by 志鸟村 WIP
尸体:请问你礼貌吗?
The MC was a new coroner in his hometown, and the first person he dissected was his relative. The MC had golden fingers to improve his forensic skill by a lot.
A more humorous the words are, the more gruesome the deaths are.
BL
花滑 穿到民国写小说 by 菌行 Complete
张素商穿越了。家人远在百年后,身体平白胖了两圈,体脂超标,健康堪忧,家里已经断绝关系,失去经济来源的他即将断粮!张素商绝望的拿起笔,希望用小说拯救自己的肚子。对了,他还要减肥,太胖会有脂肪肝和三高,可如果要活着见到亲人们的话,张素商至少要保证自己活到下个世纪!此时距离冬奥还有两三年,要是他爸来了,还能凭宇航员优秀的体能、前花滑之王的技术再去浪一枚奥运金牌,他一个练到十六岁就因为发育关退役,最高难度只有3A的半桶水也只能写写小说填肚子而已。等等,这会儿有人能跳3A吗?此时奥运的赛场上还未出现过中国人的身影,如果能让奇迹提早发生,再咸鱼的人想必都会为之拼搏一下。 而张素商不是咸鱼。
The MC was thrown into the beginning of the 20th century as a Chinese international medical student in Russia. He wrote novels to earn money while represented China in figure skating.
A humorous story of international student life. This author has improved a lot and this fic has a solid plot and everything is coherent. The author is currently writing a volleyball + soul mates fic 我的灵魂伴侣是自由人 .
冒牌男神 by 莫里_ Complete
正牌男神攻x冒牌男神受。 这是一个和青春有关的治愈系小甜饼,祝食用愉快。—————— 【文案一】 陆平是一个生活在南方小城的高二学生。 同他的名字一样,他成绩平平、长相平平、运动平平……在校园里是个不折不扣的透明人。一次机缘巧合之下,陆平进入了一个同龄少年的私人博客。 与平凡至极的自己不同,那个远在帝都的少年,俊眼修眉、光风霁月,即使只是普普通通的几张照片,也让陆平辗转反侧。出于一种说不清道不明的虚荣心,陆平偷偷把对方的照片搬到了自己的社交账号上,幻想自己也拥有那样完美的样貌和光鲜的家世。 正如他所料,他编造出来的“冒牌男神”收获了诸多粉丝的喜爱。陆平一边欣喜于粉丝的追捧,一边焦虑于自己越滚越大的谎言。忽然某天,陆平所在的班级转来了一名新同学:“大家好,我叫沈雨泽。” 少年语气淡漠,深琥珀色的眸子扫过台下议论纷纷的同学,最终落在了教室最后一排的陆平身上。——原本远在帝都的“正牌”少年,来到了“冒牌货”陆平的世界里。 【文案二】 沈雨泽从小活在别人艳羡的目光中,但没人知道,他的生活其实一团糟糕。 他意外发现,在千里以外的南方小城,有个同龄男孩冒充成他,在网上拥有很多粉丝。 出于一种看戏的想法,沈雨泽转学来到这里,成为了那名男孩的同桌。后来的后来,他站在无人的教学楼天台,牵起了那个男孩的手。 “——平平,你从来不是一个爱撒谎的坏小孩。你值得我的所有偏爱。”
A teenage boy who stole the photos of a rich teenager and created a fake account. One day, the other teenager transferred to his school.
A cute high school love story with detail descriptions of the local lives, accurate to a real life city.
我从异界穿回来了 by 想撒欢 WIP
洛汶穿越了,又穿回来了,历时五个小时。 这五个小时里,洛汶经历了人生的大起大落。 不过,现在真正的考验才刚刚开始。 2122年6月1日,全球各地数百人同时失踪,几个小时后,他们又回到了原地。没人知道这几个小时里发生了什么。 半年后,随着“Duang”一声巨响,全球人类的世界观碎成渣滓。 洛汶:说出来你可能不信,我其实是条龙。
A lot of people were transmigrated into a DnD-esque universe and then found themselves back on Earth. Their body and powers from the other world slowly merged with their human body. This fic is about how they continued their lives on Earth.
A humorous light novel. The MC was very powerful but now his biggest problem was passing his exams because he had been living in the other universes for many centuries and he had pretty much forgot a lot of Earth knowledge.
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kotori-88 · a year ago
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胖次
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choujiaonvwang · 15 days ago
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重口味脚汁臭脚汗臭鞋垫跑步焖制保鲜膜包裹保鲜+重口味尿渍分泌物渍内内套装
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gir1sgir1s · 6 months ago
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All sizes | The Panty 藍白胖次 | Flickr - Photo Sharing!
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linghxr · a year ago
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Let’s Learn Chinese with Memes!!! (迷因)
For months I have been saving memes and other funny posts I see on Instagram. Here are 10 I liked/found really funny and want to share! I think a lot were translated from English, but that just shows the power of memes.
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「当你好不容易熬过上一周但新的一周却准备打击你」
熬 áo - to endure 好不容易 hǎobùróngyì - with great difficulty / very difficult 打击 dǎjī - to hit / to strike / to attack / to crack down on sth / blow
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「完全没办法对我家的狗说不,因为每次一拒绝它就会这样让我感觉很有罪恶感」
拒绝 jùjué - to refuse / to decline / to reject 罪恶感 zuì'ègǎn - feeling of guilt
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「这只小猎豹由于太害羞,动物园给它专属它自己的“情感协助狗” 『开心的猎豹微笑』」
猎豹 lièbào - cheetah 专属 zhuānshǔ - to belong or be dedicated exclusively to / proprietary / private / personal 情感 qínggǎn - feeling / emotion 协助 xiézhù - to provide assistance / to aid
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「爸:儿子,你被领养了 儿子:什么?我就知道!我想见见我的生父母 爸:我就是你的生父,现在赶快打包,新的会在20分钟内抵达」
领养 lǐngyǎng - adoption / to adopt 生父母 shēngfùmǔ - biological parents 打包 dǎbāo - to wrap / to pack 抵达 dǐdá - to arrive / to reach (a destination)
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「『是要累死我们吗?』 『是很累没错,但是至少在几千年后人们看到金字塔时会赞叹我们的技术与努力』 几千年后:『这他妈一定是外星人弄的』」
金字塔 jīnzìtǎ - pyramid 赞叹 zàntàn - to exclaim in admiration 技术 jìshù - technology / technique / skill 外星人 wàixīngrén - space alien / extraterrestrial
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「终于找到一个符合我存款数量的存钱筒了」
符合 fúhé - in keeping with / in accordance with / tallying with / in line with / to agree with / to accord with / to conform to / to correspond with 存款 cúnkuǎn - to deposit money / bank savings / bank deposit 数量 shùliàng - amount / quantity / quantitative 存钱筒 cúnqiántǒng - piggy bank
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「有什么事不犯法但会让你感到很罪恶? 上厕所滑手机」
犯法 fànfǎ - to break the law 罪恶 zuì'è - crime / evil / sin 滑手机 huá shǒujī - to scroll on one’s phone
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「无论对手的体型如何我们都应该要全力以赴」
对手 duìshǒu - opponent / rival / competitor / (well-matched) adversary / match 体型 tǐxíng - build / body type 全力以赴 quánlìyǐfù - to do at all costs / to make an all-out effort
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「我找到我的灵魂动物了 这只企鹅吃光所有鱼后变超胖而且不愿意走动、社交跟求偶」
光 guāng - all gone / used up 走动 zǒudòng - to walk around / to move about / to stretch one's legs / to go for a walk 社交 shèjiāo - interaction / social contact 求 qiú - to seek / to look for / to request / to demand / to beseech 偶 ǒu - pair / mate
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「当老师看了一眼我的考卷后突然对全班说“要仔细看题目喔”」
考卷 kǎojuàn - exam paper 仔细 zǐxì - careful / attentive / cautious 题目 tímù - problem / exam question
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xingzhishi · a month ago
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怎样看女人能不能玩,淫不淫荡( 玉房秘诀)
●嘴小指短者阴道浅,男子嘴大指长者阴茎长,女子嘴大唇厚者阴唇亦厚而大。
反之为樱桃小口者,其阴道必浅,反之眼堂深者,其阴道必深,眼眶大而突出者,阴道浅,眼眶凹而小者,其阴道深,眼睛愈近视者,嘴宽阔者,阴户大而阴道小,眉毛少而眼小者,阴道毛少而阴道浅。
●女子眼大,而春水盈盈者,阴户小而内部大,精水汪汪,阳具细小者进入其中,不着边际,若配以阳具大者,出入润滑自由,可直采花心,极富欢趣。
●女子嘴唇较长者,其阴唇与内部大小相同,而阴道深,配合阳具细长者交合,可使乐趣横生。
●女子两颊有窝者,阴户小而阴道紧窄,交欢时阴口闪动不已,可至快感高潮,令人销魂。
●唇挠出者,阴户可大可小,不浅不深,阴茎直入阴道时,阴户时张时合,快感异常,但不多见。
●女子有阴户小而阴道紧狭暖浅,精水盈盈者,阳具入内,如婴儿吸乳,摩擦力强易达快感最高峰,是为上乘,但不可多得。
●女子额骨高而眉毛深者,阴户小而阴道窄,玉茎入内,吸动快感,令人欲仙欲死。
●女子口小而额部狭者,阴户小而阴道亦小,具深远曲折,阳具短小者,难达到女子的满意乐趣,配合细长阳具,男女均可快绝。
●女子额部阔而鼻准短塌者,阴户外部凹平,大而阴道亦大,但阴道浅,玉茎纳入,易搔痒处,亦特有美妙。
●女子蠢不御,身体瘦弱不御(即不与她交合),经常从高就下不御,男声气高不御,胫股生毛不御,嫉妒不御,阴冷不御,不快善不御,食过饱不御,年过四十不御,心腹不调不御,逆毛不御,身常冷不御,腋臭,生**不御。
从女相辨别贞淫 !
●唇相
妇女嘴唇长者,其阴户形如竹简,此类阴门里外一致,而内道甚深,犹如竹简,故男人之性具须细长者,方可配合而互感乐趣。
嘴唇挠者,其阴户形如蛤蛙,其阴门可大可小,花心也不很深。
一旦与男子交欢,花心之口就会忽开忽合,在锋头上做工夫,而外面之阴门也能忽开忽闭,如蛤蚌之两壳。生此类阴器之女子百人中约有五、六人,此女多生在关岛。
下唇比上唇宽大者,色泽流露艳润,则为多情,温文尔雅,善事夫婿。天性贞淑幽娴。
唇薄如纸,血色贫乏,少红多白,其体必患隐病,经闭,白带等症,春情死寂,欲念淡漠,此女守贞可靠,决非淫荡,惟体弱,非佳偶也。
唇肥且厚,蝉翼般唇皮呈现之血色,红带黑,此类之女性欲特强,其红带黑系房事过度所致。
●口相
妇女口小者,其额部也特别狭窄,所谓口阔阴门大,那口小者,阴器小。此类妇女不但阴门狭小,即阴道之内也是委惋曲折,如同羊肠小径。男子如无细长之性具,绝不能深入化境。若遇秉赋粗壮者,则不易行进。如嫁一性具小者,则夫妻决不会得到欢趣。生育更难。
嘴密者,其阴户形如田螺,阴门甚大,内部却小,性具放入之后,阴道口会自然渐次收缩,而将插入之物紧紧包住,乐趣无穷。
口角两面肥厚而红,生性好淫,断难贞洁,未出阁之女则春情早熟,偷偷摸摸。
口阔者阴户必较一般为大,口阔与阴大成正比,妇女之阔大者,福泽多情之相,用情专一,敬事丈夫,不生邪念,古今贞妇,十九属于此辈,但口之阔大要与芳容相称,若过阔过大,丑陋恶俗,便为淫欲贱相。
口唇上有一凹槽形,俗名人中,凡妇人之人中细长而唇肉色彩莹然,血色充盈鲜明,为多情贞淑之征,夫妻恩爱定会心甜蜜愈恒。
樱桃之口,古今风流才子谁不狂迷,它可爱,有魅力,所以具有此口之女,必聪明玲利,娇小婉漫,富情感,对人充满热力,因而人误相好淫,然天赋之爱魅力,并非淫相,因好谈情,根本纯洁贞淑,而非污浊贪淫。
尖口者,唇薄,其唇多皮少肉,口利,能言善语,常操皮肉生涯,娼门妓女,拉客灌迷汤,笑言污语,每涉床第之私,淫女之流。
异相之口,即奇形怪状,难以列举,如门牙外露,下巴特缩等,凡异相之口,十九为求俏之丑淫妇和淫贱之下婢。十室之内,无忠信才贞洁淑嫒焉。
●牙相
妇女门牙向外突出者,为淫乱之征像,像狐犬般状,必兽欲特强,不知伦常之下流丑俗女,女子之牙,似一排尖刀口般者,必为尚淫色之徒,且性泼辣,可克友,对男子极为不利。
牙齿前后参差,左右不齐,甚而落疏如散兵线者,为不贞静之征,色情变态,对男性迎拒无常,满足肉欲,便若路人,谈不到爱情。
张口嘻哈,露出两排牙齿,未言先笑之浪态者,为淫女之荡妇,最易与男性勾搭也。
牙齿整齐,排列如贝,牙齿洁白之色不白而呈淡黄,如像牙骨头般,天性贞淑,嫁后琴瑟绸缪,房事认真,生育旺,子女绕膝,贤妻良母也。
牙齿均偏平,颗颗像白齿般而无分,在美上固失其美,然像征为贞静多情之女。
牙齿龈白,而隐黑痕,刷不不掉,掉之不尽,此黑痕由生理影响至牙床,而隐现于齿龈之内。具此污点之女属于良家,而本性贞洁,既有此黑痕,其房事必过度,多欲好淫。
●鼻相
塌鼻梁之女,其额部甚阔,其阴器外部,四面摊开,阴门处仿似一只盆子,盆子之阴器不独外边大,内部亦大,花心生之甚浅。故男子之性具很容易接触,虽得不到紧狭之欢,但痒外易搔,女子常发种种骚态,以增男子之性欲。
鼻准降圆,肌肉肥腴,丰之有余,柔之无骨,此之秀美鼻子,定为贞淑闺秀名嫒。情爱专一,操节高尚,享福受用无穷。
酒槽鼻头,准头内蕴血色,鲜赤殷红,女人之饮,其量不大,然其鼻尖呈露此像,即淫荡者也。
鹰爪鼻,鼻子一弯三曲,为淫贱商标,既惹姿色之娟秀,使人望而丑恶,且又暴露居心之险,多疑善妒,克夫健将,对人不怀好意。
鼻梁抵凹,一荡平阳,肥胖短小,身材横阔,此种丑相,十九粗鲁呆憨,全无思巧,行为随便,欲火旺盛,极易犯奸。
鼻尖似倒钩上欣,一岳朝天,左右鼻孔,大不相称,如二个小山洞,此为好淫多夫之征,面首大五,色中饿鬼。
鼻子瘦小���鼻空不大,量必狭,猜忌吃醋,虽抱一夫一妻之贞,但偶不如意,便堕淫欲之途,变态胡为。
鼻露节,多风波,生性好淫者则私奔,生性尚者,则如古代之卓文君。
鼻多雀斑,性欲旺盛,致力下层,姘度男子,多多益善,雀斑面无敌手,真天字第一号尤物也。
鼻下赤线,鼻下一条深沟,联连鼻与口咀,纵从细长,俗名人中,此鼻口相交处人中比似男女性器之接合,故人中上之纹及色,可观女之贞淫,如人中部位发现上面有一条横长之赤色细如蜘蛛丝之线纹,便可判断贞淫,男性亦然。
●面颊
酒涡面颊,十九其阴器特妙,阴户狭小,内道紧窄,而阴道内膜,能闪闪而动,男子性具插入自然而然,会感觉到彷佛有两翼振动一般,别有一种滋味于心头耳。
面颊丰润,轮廓广大,建泽之相,少奶姨太之流,年青姑娘,决无徐娘人物,正派面颊,一般人以为尊严壮丽,此为皮毛观察,她们本性虽贞,然饱食思淫,欲念油生,已婚之女与夫闺房陶情,即不节制,尚不足称淫,然环境引诱,趋向堕落,故辩面颊尚须慎察焉。
三角颊瓜子脸也,为头额广大,近下巴尖削,然有一种下颊阔大倒瓜子脸也,属于此相,男子与交,须当小心。她们为贞始淫终毒辣之妇相,先则恩恩爱爱,日久露狐尾,摇身而变为淫妇,奸夫谋死亲夫,即此淫妇之拿手戏焉。
两颊瘦削,有皮无肉,妇女具此面相,狼狐之性,非贫即贱,亦称滥淫颊,面颊即为面孔,勿要面孔,便是鲜廉寡耻,试想女之不要面孔,则任何丢脸事均敢作出,面孔瘦削,岂非不要面孔乎,简说脸面已丢之去故面孔瘦削之女十有十一是不要面孔之淫女也,与不要方皮及面子肤纹之粗毛凶暴河东狮之老面皮同也。
●眉毛
眉浓额高,容易出性,原为女阴器内道极浅,阴门小而花心生得甚出,若与性具细长之男性交欢,往往使女 性害怕,故喜阴短之物,因花心太出之故,故易出性焉。
眉毛紧密,处女之征,花径尚未缘客扫,蓬门且待婚夜开,眉与下体似有感应,破瓜后眉毛松散,故未出阁 之女斯象者,淫荡之别不烦说焉。
眉毛如秋夜钩月,美眉者,秀外慧中贞淑相也。
眉毛粗杂柔软,披垂向下,似无气力,此种眉相,象征性欲旺盛,嗜淫过度,以致眉散杂乱软弱披垂,至于眉毛稍尖望之有一种峻锐角度,更为卑贱,滥交异性,妒性异常,命薄相也。
眉毛根根见底,油黑生光,贤妻有德之相。
眉浓阔粗短,愚鲁之妇,毛硬坚起如钢刺,此女性丑,克夫刑子,贪欲宣淫。
白虎眉,女子眉毛中,如杂生白毛者,则大凶相,其命苦薄,终身困境,任何男子与之结合百事不详焉。
眉低近眼,似悉眉紧促,卑贱之流,好淫之相。
眉毛稍上泛,亦为凶相,刑夫克子,娶之为妇,非闺房之福焉。
眉稍密集印堂,交奏鼻梁之上,两条眉毛似并一条,此妇亦属淫贱,易生苟且行为也。
●阴毛
多淫女子阴毛甚少,仅微阴阜边缘,亦有一毛不长也。
愚笨女子稀少且短,柔软不直,不黑,聪明女子则反。
月信早来,阴毛早生,患子宫筋胀,阴毛必多,耳朵黑而且长,黑之又?且无光泽。
体矮比高大之女阴毛国薄弱,营养不良,阴毛细软无弹力,多血女子阴毛最旺盛。
粘质女子,阴毛不生,是为色情旺盛,有女子未生产时阴毛本盛,一经生产,完全脱落,故生产过多之女,阴毛脱落胶语如半山者,即其产后复生,亦柔软而长带褐色。
●颧骨
额骨高、杀夫不用刀,旨哉言乎,十有九验也。
颧骨隆起之女,性欲不一定旺盛,然属淫之类,面刑凶暴,一望而知为健欲幹炼之女,强大男子最受欢迎,易生奸情。
此类女子初戴假面具,双颧骨隆突,如挂冰霜,一派正经,凛不可犯,岂知一旦破戒野合,便洪水猛兽,一发不可制。
颧骨低平之女,和善贞淑之相,若太低凹,则意志薄弱,易于屈服,易受暴力奸污之可怜女子。
颧骨微隆起,额头部分呈混圆珠型,福泽相也,此子有贤皆备,无况不臻矣。
●眼睛
妇女眼睛常有水汪汪之态者,春水鼓荡,风浪乱显,眼睛表人体之精力与神气,与人身之生殖腺有关,眼睛水汪汪之态其性阴必内大而外小,男子初入防地,觉之奇紧可喜,等到一达内部,如船入江海,茫茫无际,花心生得很紧,不易碰着,及至稍深,阴户中则泛滥为患,但因口小之故,又不致洋溢阴户外,此时徜徉其中,犹如一叶扁舟,容乎中流,而女之以彼岸在望,更必自摇其臀,男子则飘飘如仙也。
两眼圆凸者,常因难产而断送生命者多也,盖女之阴门太小,其花心生得极出,内径犹如羊肠小道,与男子交欢,初觉难过,一旦碰着花心,其乐无穷。因它亦有旋转流动,斯时,女必婉转娇声。媚态万千,以表其乐。
三白眼者,即眼睛三方皆为白色,此三方白眼,有上三白与下三白眼之分,上三白眼者,神衰气短。其心不下,其性必乖。下三白眼之人,阴险奸诈,诡计多谋,如系男性,则必谋财害命,盗穷欺骗。如系女性,则私通奸夫,荒淫放荡。
眼角鱼尾,即妻拉宫部分,性过度之人,眼角鱼尾之处,或呈青色,或生黑斑点,或青红之绿纹。
●额相
古代之麻衣相法,称额为天庭,男女天庭广阔,少年幸运之征,妇女额广而阔,淑嫒守贞,低接眉,两端铗小,非贪即贱,好淫之辈,胎生怪相,隆如丘,望似肉瘤,此妇必情暴,肉食兽般,房事特强。
●耳相
男耳大为贵,女耳大且长者,属淫邪相,不可相与也。但两耳短小,亦相宜,虽天性贞淑,然略浮。
耳缘上竖,耳廓坚硬,必为悍妇,泼辣凶暴,性欲旺盛,耳垂丰大,柔若无骨,似为福泽之相,岂知妇女耳太丰下垂者,忠厚太过且愚居多,易失身,不过耳垂血色红润,则生育健旺。
耳廊露节,天性呆纯,死守一志,然多疑善妒,心胸狭窄。
●手相
白点疯,女子手常有白点疯,肤起鸡皮,灰白鳞骨,粉粉搓落,犯奸之症,此病态之指,属于花街柳巷,好色之徒慎之,戒之。
淫欲过度,十指伸出,暴露病态,指尖潮热,掌心亦热,臂肘间有斑点,此女体蕴毒菌,切忌与之交欢,老寻更有此病态。
女手指瘦削,多筋少肉,皮肤萎黄,蕴藏污垢,贫贱劳役,淫多贞少。
十指肥短,手掌亦厚,肤纹粗条,指甲象牙带灰,象征忠厚愚纯,不守贞,且嗜淫。
女子手指织积适度,长短适中,尖头锐圆,肌肉丰润肤色健美,是为闺秀名嫒,身家清白,思想纯洁。
●声音
女童娇嫩动听稳重练达,似古刹钟声,余音缭亮,刚中带柔,贞洁烈女之音也。
喜雀鸣噪,虽悦耳动听,微嫌太噪,语声浪杂,守贞中变,易涉于淫。
声粗如破竹,卑贱粗暴女也,俗陋不堪,胡言乱语,逮避为宜。
出言安详,吐语婉转,高低有度,口齿井然,定必大家义节,庄重自持,守贞不二。
●笑相
正容而笑,低头而笑,掩口而笑,贞性之女。
娇声浪语而笑,渺目流眄作态而笑,无缘无故而笑,道望天而笑,回身忸怩而笑,掀唇露齿而笑,种种轻浮皆为淫荡之征。
●乳相
左乳大,右乳小者主淫,右乳大,左乳小者主贞。乳以子暴起者,春心荡漾,欲念强烈。
乳健愈美,健欲善育之征,有福泽,子女多也。
乳头紫暗,身患隐疾。
乳头四周内现青黑色,与乳房满现条条青筋者,性格粗鲁,好淫多欲。
●行相
行态稳重,举止安详,目不斜视,体不回翔,不徐不疾,脚脚落地,名嫒闺秀。
脚步轻浮,举动妖娆,烟视媚行,纹足而行,用力足尖,步如麻雀,拖泥带水,徘徊路途,一步三回首,下 流淫贱之女也。
●睡相
高枕躺卧,四肢伸直,平坦自然,贞淑贤德之相,心地光明,毫无隐曲也。
侧头斜卧,身子倦曲而睡,心地曲折,多疑善妒,性近淫者。
斜卧双手张开,作拥抱状,足纹股叠,像夫妻同枕,对儿新热,此睡相,性淫流宜也。
扑卧者,卑贱命薄,心术不正。
头一触枕,即呼呼入睡,心广体胖,乐观忘忧者。
睡于床,时转辗反侧,久而不寐,定多思虑,奢望欲念,好淫贪淫之辈。
●字相
常写联,擅长翔舞大字之女,天赋独厚,卓腕力,字体劲,是为节烈。
擅于楷书之女,心细如发,赋性贞。
擅长大字之女,其人豪放,有丈夫气,不拘小节,易受色情奸欺。
善于北肃缘文字体,性怪僻,落落孤合,对情爱虽淡如水,交异性泛泛,且不深切,但个性固执,反显不同流俗。
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traineecryptid · 9 months ago
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你不知道的老九门的50个秘密 50 secrets you didn't know about the Mystic Nine
translated from the original post here with thanks to @destimushi for the collab and edit! Next: 50 secrets you didn't know about Hei Xiazi
1.老九门聚会娱乐时很少打马吊,多数时间都在斗地主。 Whenever the Mystic Nine gathered for fun, they would rarely play madiao pai. [1] Most of the time they’d play dou dizhu [2]
[1] Chinese playing cards, played with madiao pai cards. (Baidu page) [2] lit. fighting landlords, it is played with a standard set of western playing cards. (Wikipedia page)
2.张大佛爷点天灯时没有一个人敢拍卖,买了东西也是自己乖乖付钱。 When Zhang-da-foye lit the Sky Lantern, no one dared to bid against him. They just quietly paid for the stuff they bought.
3.二爷向来每天都会给丫头唱支戏,从未间断。
Erye would sing to Yatou everyday. He hasn’t missed a day since he began.
4.半截李是一根筋的妻奴,信不信由你。
Half-Li listens to his wife about everything[3]. Whether you believe it or not, it’s up to you.
[3] lit. wife’s slave.
5.别在四爷面前吃橘子,会死得很难看。
Don’t eat oranges in front of Siye, you’d die a horrible death.
6.狗五爷看见霍仙姑就想逃,狡猾的女人比粽子还难对付,人心比鬼神更恐怖。
Gou-wuye feels like running away every time he sees Huo-xiangu. He thinks that a cunning woman is harder to deal with than a zombie, and human desires are scarier than ghosts or gods.
7.六爷没事就想宰了狗五爷家那条名为“黑背”的狗。
Whenever he is free, Liuye would think about killing the dog that Gou-wuye had named as “Heibei” [4].
[4] lit. black back, also the name/nickname for Liuye.
8.霍仙姑曾经想过抛弃清高,走彪悍型路线,可惜狗五有主了。
Huo-xiangu had thought about ditching the noble and virtuous way and go with the dauntless [5] way instead, but too bad, Gouwu had already belonged to someone by then [6].
[5] Internet slang wise, the word refers to the saying 彪悍的人生不需要解釋 a dauntless life needs no explanation, which carries the connotation of actions that are unexplainable, hilarious, straightforward and/or would make people speechless. [6] lit. has an owner, meaning he’s married/ in a relationship.
9.齐八爷喜欢算计人,以狗五和解九为首。 Qi-baye likes to play tricks on people, especially Gouwu and Xiejiu.
10.解九爷的麻麻有收藏癖。
Xie-jiuye’s mom has a hoarding problem.
11.老九门共同的压惊方式是找个斗祸害。
The Mystic Nine’s shared way to relax and chill is to destroy a tomb.
12.张大佛爷喜欢吃面的程度,仅次于二月红。
Zhang-da-foye’s love for noodles is second only to Eryue Hong’s.
13.二月红有三绝,唱戏,下斗,剥螃蟹。
Eryue Hong has three skills [7]: performing opera, tomb raiding, and peeling crabs.
[7] He is extremely good at these things.
14.身高是半截李的硬伤,嘘,别乱说,会死。
Height is a sensitive topic for Half-Li. Shh, watch your words, you’ll die.
15.陈皮阿四喜欢在众人面前吃核桃。
Chenpi A-si likes to eat walnuts in front of people.
16.以为狗五爷长得纯良好欺负的人都做了狗粮。
People who thought that Gou-wuye is nice and easy to bully have all ended up as dog food.
17.六爷有次睡在街头,八爷悄悄在他身边放了个破碗,醒来时里面有不少铜板。
There was once when Liuye was sleeping on the street, and Baye quietly placed a broken bowl by him. By the time Liuye woke up, there were quite a lot of coins in the bowl.
18.霍仙姑是盗笔最杯具的女性,没有之一,年轻时暗恋老的未果,老了欺负小的没成,死了脑袋还给吴邪和胖子拿来抬价。
Huo-xiangu is the most pitiful female character in the chronicles. One of the reasons is that when she was young her crush (on Gou-wuye) was never requited. Then, when she grew old, not only did she fail to bully the young (Wu Xie), once she passed, her head was used by Wu Xie and Pangzi to pay off their debts.
19.如果非要打马吊,齐八爷是最先被踢出的,谁让你会算卦。 If they must play madiao pai, Qi-baye would be the first person to be eliminated [8]. Who asked you to know how to calculate fortunes?
[8] Madiao pai has some Bagua elements based calculation.
20.解九虽然是商人,亦是奸商,却也是难得的一生正气。同时也是一肚子坏水。
Though Xiejiu is a businessman, and a dishonest one at that, he is also the type to be righteous his whole life too. At the same time he is also full of evil schemes.
21.老九门很少在大佛爷家吃饭,东北大饼夹大葱吃多了腮帮子受不了。
The Mystic Nine rarely ate at Zhang-da-foye’s house. Eating too many Dongbei pancakes sandwiched with scallions made one’s cheeks ache. [9]
[9] These pancakes are very thick and tough (and delicious). (Youtube recipe and tutorial)
22.大佛爷有写日记的习惯,免得哪天失忆症就翻了。
Da-foye has the habit of keeping a diary, just in case he loses his memories again.
23.二爷喜欢海棠花,这花很配丫头。
Erye likes Chinese crabapple flowers [10]. He thinks that it suits Yatou.
[10] Chinese crabapple flowers have the meaning of love that does not have a happy ending.
24.半截李的标准防伪表情是棺材脸,老九门看见了无人不愁。
Half-Li’s standard defence is to have a dead expression [11]. There’s no one in Mystic Nine that could see it and be optimistic.
[11] lit. coffin face
25.陈皮阿四的外号是流氓中的航空母舰,为此,他很自豪。
Chenpi A-si’s nickname is The Aircraft Carrier of All Thugs. And he is very proud of it.
26.狗五爷是妻管严,解家的那人太狠了,惹不起。
Gou-wuye’s wife is very strict with him. People from the Xie family are all very vicious, he couldn’t bear to offend them.
27.六爷喜欢白姨,真心的。
Liuye’s love towards Auntie Bai is genuine.
28.霍仙姑不是旗袍控,只是衣服没别的样式。
Huo-xiangu isn’t a qipao fan, she just doesn't have clothes in other styles.
29.齐八爷没事喜欢找个墨镜,打个招牌伪装神棍。
Whenever he’s bored, Qi-baye would get a pair of sunglasses and a banner and pretend to be a psychic [12].
[12] this also carries the meaning of “scammer”
30.解九爷的名字是他的硬伤,没事也别提。
Xie-jiuye’s name is a sensitive topic for him. Don’t bring it up for no reason.
31.青铜门什么的,老九门每年都有人扛炸药去招待,可惜都没成功。
Regarding the stuff about the Bronze Gates, every year someone from the Mystic Nine would try to solve it with a bunch of explosives. Sadly, none of them succeeded.
32.大佛爷此生最愧对的人是二月红,最对不起的人是丫头。
The person that da-foye is most ashamed to face [13] is Eryue Hong. The person that he feels the most guilt towards is Yatou [14].
[13] 愧对 also means didn’t treat well enough/ treated badly. This is usually in the context of a person’s opinion of their own actions.
[14] 对不起 also carries the connotation of guilt from thinking that they didn’t do enough, or try hard enough
33.二月红深明:霍家女人难缠!
Eryue Hong’s declaration: Ladies from the Huo Family are hard to deal with!
34.半截李不杀狗,从孩子出生后。
Since the birth of his child, Half-Li would never kill a dog.
35.陈皮阿四对护舒宝的执着很深。
Chenpi A-si is very stubborn towards sanitary pads.
36.狗五爷曾有一次下厨,做出来的阳春面毒死了三条狗。
There was once when Gou-wuye cooked, and the yangchun noodles he made ended up poisoning three dogs to death.
37.把六爷当成街上叫花子后果很严重。
There are serious consequences to assuming that Liuye is a beggar.
38.自从耽美这一词出现后,霍仙姑就淡然了,老九门整个一乱搭啊。
Since the word “danmei” was coined, Huo-xiangu was enlightened. She paired the Mystic Nine off in every way she could think of [15].
[15] lit. messy pairing
39.齐八爷喜欢看戏,此戏非彼戏。
Qi-baye likes to watch opera [16], but not that kind of opera.
[16] here 戏 could mean opera, shows in general or just drama.
40.别以为解九爷排行最小好欺负,人家的家产可以把你全家砸死。
Don’t assume that Xie-jiuye is ranked the last in the Nine Gates and thus the most easy to bully. His family assets could crush your whole family to death.
41.老九门众人生平倒斗无数,打过的盗洞上千,合起来却深不过南派一个叫胖子的人挖的一个坑。
Although the total amount of tombs that everyone in Mystic Nine had robbed and raided is in the thousands, the depth of the holes that they dug out combined can’t compare to the depth of one hole that this one fat guy from the southern sect [17] had dug.
[17] Southern sect is Nan Pai, the same one in the author’s name.
42.在国家大义面前,自家感情可以先放一边,这是张大佛爷奉行的原则。
“To put aside personal differences temporarily for the sake of state and country,” is a principle that Zhang-da-foye had always held.
43.生同眠,死同穴,虽然未能携手相伴一生,但二月红觉得此生足够了。
To sleep in the same bed while alive, and to be buried in the same tomb when dead. Though they didn’t get to spend their whole life together hand-in-hand, Eryue Hong is already satisfied with what he had in this life.
44.半截李家里堆得东西有一半是解九的。
Half of the things in Half-Li’s house are actually Xiejiu’s.
46.狗五爷其实是个半文盲,这是真的。
Gou-wuye is actually half illiterate. This is the truth.
47.六爷味觉失灵。
Liuye’s doesn’t have a sense of smell.
48.霍仙姑是最早明白“女人太聪明不好”的道理,第二个是阿宁。
Huo-xiangu is the first woman to realize the philosophy of “It’s not good for women to be too smart.” The second woman to realize this is A-Ning.
49.齐铁嘴的眼镜是装饰品。
Qi Tiezui’s glasses are just an accessory.
50.解家名人多是解九爷最自豪的事,比如:解连环,解语花,解放卡车。
Xie-jiuye is very proud of the Xie family member’s names, such as: Xie Lianhuan, Xie Yuhua, Jie [18] Fang Truck[19].
[18] Same word with two different pronunciations.
[19] This is a truck manufacturing company. (Wikipedia page.)
39 notes · View notes