what the fuck is going on over on phannie twitter

Are you RPF positive? How do you feel about ships like Gaylor or Phan or Larry? Phan actually turned out to be true LOL

short answer its funny and harmless long answer below the cut tldr its funny and feel free to be cringe but also everyone has a line they draw in the sand and even if you think you dont, you do. and me personally my line is further than others, nearer than some. if the rpf is fanfic where harry styles bottoms for louis tomlinson thats mostly just teenagers being silly and harmlessly cringe and if the rpf is AI deepfake of them its bad. also sometimes the rpf is real. and also phan is a can of worms im not touching with a ten foot pole. again long answer below the cut ^_^ rambling

ok so celebrities in general i roll my eyes at the thought of caring about them. everyone is just a regular human being who is kind of stupid and lame. everyone has positives and negatives etc. so to me when i see someone act parasocial about some youtuber/singer/actor etc im like thats just a guy. so already rpf is simply not for me.

secondly i think it is mostly harmless. if you are writing gay porn about frank iero and gerard way well that is between you and god and the ao3 staff. gets cringe and weird if you go up to jensen ackles at a con and say heh so which of you is the seme 😏 that is a socially insane thing to do sorry

thirdly it is super funny. gaylor is hilarious to me its like a bunch of generally progressive young girls who feel the need to morally justify why its okay to like taylor swift. Oh she dates weird men oh she has a bad carbon footprint Well actually she is a queer woman oppressed by her management and her conservative family. thats hilarious to me i love how there is no one on earth who isnt a little conspiratorily minded. tbc im not gaylorphobic i have gaylor friends.

fourthly i have seen the moral depravity of man. you can find genuinely deeply morally and ethically disgusting content about real life minors. 'its fiction its just writing they wont see it' grow up go talk to a therapist. AI deep fake porn is disgusting. its weird and socially inept to bother actual human beings about your kink. again fine to have that kink but dont go asking random people if theyre secretly in love with their friend.

hmmm fifthly and lastly i think often people just dont have a holistic view of the world they dont understand cultural/social context. there is a social barrier between you the audience and the people on your screen. also when you get into fandoms like kpop, you need to understand that its a product. these arent authentic human beings they are products they are actors they are selling you an idea. its yaoi in a way! its playing on homosocial/homoerotic tropes that female fans tend to enjoy. im sorry but seokjin and taehyung arent secretly boning they are coworkers. sorry.

that being said i think ben affleck IS in love with matt damon and i think theyve jerked off together or had sex by proxy via threesome. nothing will change my mind on this.

lets talk: phan

First, I’d like to get this disclaimer out of the way. This is not phan bashing, this is not an attack on the phandom or on dan and phil themselves. the people of the phandom are beautiful people and they are so fuckin amazing

 *no, im not apart of the phandom. i’m just a person who knows shit, now let me tell you what i know. do i ship phan? no. do i know phil and dan are together? yes. 

BECAUSE,

theres a difference between shipping .. (shipping -  The act of one wanting/supporting two individuals involved in a romantic relationship)

and phan (two people who are actually together, and make it blatantly obvious. but at the same time, don’t make it obvious at all to the internet.) it’s different from shipping where the IDEA of wanting them to be together,, because daniel howell and phil lester have been together for quite some time now. it’s a reality instead of a ship. 

Let’s take a couple of examples.

 You guys remember the whole Kylie Jenner situation? Remember how she like kept her pregnancy a secret for literally 9 months. Remember how news outlets, social medias, and everyone on planet earth called that she was pregnant. It was a huge question that hung up in the air. But there were some HUGE flags that pointed to her being pregnant, like hiding her stomach, dressing in baggy clothing, old throwbacks on her instagram account. AND THEN, i forgot who it was but im too lazy to look. Kylies sister/mother/whatever was being interviewed on television?? And they were like,, “Is Kylie pregnant, like whats the deal here.” and then on multiple occasions, the whole family didn’t comment. they didn’t come outright and explicitly say yes or no to said question about kylie jenner being pregnant. ummm BITCH UHHH.. what do you mean no comment? you could have just said no and got rid of all speculation.. but they made no comments. they stayed quiet, they stayed low. they avoid questions regarding kylie’s pregnancy. AND GUESS WHAT.  uhhhhhhhhhh, yea. it was obvious she was pregnant. AND THEN, she came out right after stormie was born and she was like “yea i was fucking pregnant duh” and then she went back to her life after uploading that video and moved on.

now, how does this relate to phan?

Okay, so let’s think about them as human beings for a minute instead of personalities on youtube. So, there were these two guys, right? They knew each other back in 2008, yea? they met on the internet, and then in person and all of the sudden they were extremely involved in each other's lives. now, i don't have to bring up the tweets from literally ten years ago. you guys all have read them. you guys all know what they say. dan and phil’s chemistry was irrevocable. nobody could deny that phil and dan had chemistry with one another and THAT’S .. the tea sis. they CLEARLY flirted with one another, yadda yadda. and i hate to be that bitch but lets talk about that private video for a second, because i know some people HATE hearing about it. you guys know what i mean. sure, respect Dan and Phil by not uploading it or reminding Phan that it existed. but can we talk about how it was made up to be this whole thing that it wasn’t and it was taken down so fast and phil takes down ALL of the things that is related to that video. that’s cool or whatever. but when you think about the things that were said - it’s perfectly logical and applicable that it was real. and I'm cutting you no bullshit. i’m gonna be honest. that video was fucking real. fast forward a couple of years and suddenly present phan is super sensitive about the topic of “being shipped together” compared to the phan where “man phils poster just watched me have sex” and boom, dan and phil are together and travel together and see each other's families and you can all know. BUT WAIT,  did the akinator ask us if we’re dating? man we should edit that out of the video, but lets take you on a vlog of us walking around town on Christmas and be platonic. man did that old lady tell us we were cute together on that radio show we did? better laugh awkwardly and cover it up. man do millions of people know we’re a couple? man, we better call each other bros!!! (chillin five feet apart because they’re not gay)  but ANYWAYS, there are a couple red flags that i notice about phan and the first one is this:

1. no confirming or denying.

yeah, you know that annoying thing that your friend does when they start a sentence and they say “nevermind”.. and you get frustrated. like what do you know that I don't? and that's what phan does, they do that all the time. they start to have a moment on camera, something along the lines of like “man you’re my best friend, you’re important to me” but then follow it up with a joke that just revokes all meaning to what they said? it’s so blatantly obvious that phan is OBSESSED with how their audience sees them. and i know dan is the pickiest about what we see/hear/know. they’re hypersensitive to what their audience says, but trust me and trust the phandom. their silence is so much louder than words. like mate, you two have BEEN together/LIVING together in the same place and have been around each other mostly year around 24/7 and you’re telling me in that whole span of a decade neither dan or phil have gone out and invested themselves in another romantic relationship? you guys are telling me that these two, tall, handsome people havent found a significant other yet?? and you’re telling me if dan and phil were just bro’s,,, they wouldn’t of found a partner in the whole span of 10 years and didn’t move out to be with that partner?? yeah uhh,, you know why they don’t do that?? I'm pretty sure you know why. we know. other YouTubers know. the ideology of phan being a thing has been around for so long, yet they don’t care to say to explicitly confirm nor deny their relationship. or maybe a simple, it’s complicated will suffice? sure, it’s none of my business. sure, it’s their life. sure, it’s their whatever.

2. taking advantage of their audience

but you’re telling me,,, they create an empire thats HEAVILY Influenced by the fact they COULD (which they are) TOGETHER.. they make a whole TOUR of them TOGETHER, they do videos TOGETHER, they make merch TOGETHER,,,, but you don't have respect enough for your audience to at least give them an inkling of that? your video has to be filled with suggestive innuendos and tour plugging but you can’t even confirm/deny the very thing that has been paying your bills for YEARS? sure, dan and phil are amazing people. they’ve done so much for their fans, they’ve been the core of some amazing artwork, works of fanfics and amazing friendships.. but someone can spend weeks on an amazing phan piece of art and uhhhh, you won’t acknowledge it because it shows you two being innocently intimate like holding hands or some shit? you’re telling me an artist can work so hard on something based on the idea of you,, but it will never get any recognition because oh no.. it’s us kissing :( like i mean this with the most respect possible, like get over it. But yeah, I’m going to post no content except for tour ads for the next three months and oh, here’s some merch. oh you pay all my bills? oh you want us to do pinof 10? uhhh we’ll think about it. yeah,

okay sisters, we’re getting real here. the tea is hot. 

hey people of the phandom who are reading this? did you know that you obsessing over heart eyes howell and phil topping (which he doesn’t, hate to say it) that it literally pays their bills right? Phan is complete bullshit, in the LEAST negative way possible. They’re great people, they just bullshit a lot. 

3. pandering

You guys know that uhhh, you don’t know anything about Dan and Phil? Yeah, they’re a youtube couple. But they only let you in on the very surface because it seems like they dont want to be every old ordinary youtube couple. let’s take jenna and julien for a second. jenna and julien have been together for a long ass time and they show us the sweet stuff and the hard stuff. but not to where we know EVERYTHING about them. Everything they do is generally appropriate in the privacy sense, they vlog enough to keep us entertained but healthy enough to keep their sanity. Unlike Shep689, you can look up who Will and RJ are, but they were a youtube couple who shared EVERYTHING about their relationship. up to the point where they showed each other in bed at night DAILY, they got married to each other. then surprise, surprise they get divorced. there’s not a lot of couples who survive the wrath of youtube. take liza and david, prankvsprank, anthony and kalel, collen and josh, yeah it’s a lot. but what’s the running theme of these youtube couples that have broken up? they were same old youtube couples that we got used to and we loved. they were just like any other youtube couple and they fucking broke up. i can only think of like 3 youtube couples who have a big following and are still together for the long run. 

and let’s keep it real here. the reason why dan and phil don’t come out publicly as a couple for more than just “privacy” reasons, like dude you’re on social media, you’re a youtuber,,, do they know what that is?? privacy is the opposite of being a youtuber but go off i guess uh, they do it because they know if they let the big scary secret out then the whole appeal of dan and phil is gone. instead of being these wholesome dudes, they’ll be known as these guys who have literally kept their relationship under wraps for years on end to exploit their audience for coin and it will be so obvious. how would they even come out as a couple at this point? they’ve dug themselves in such a deep hole by covering everything up on and off camera that to undo it would seem pointless. you would think that ten years after being with someone you’d be comfortable enough to be genuine on camera but okay sis. . .  anyways they’re gonna keep up the hype of them being together and milk it until all the phandom converts to another fandom (like bts,, oops)    or maybe they’ll fucking come out in pinof 10? 

probably not. 

so let’s tie this in. think back to kylie jenner right? remember how every question of her pregnancy was avoided, remember how sources hinted to it? uhh remember how silence is generally the biggest indicator of said question to be proven true countless times again? uh tea

they’re actively hiding everything from you ok bye