AMANDA ROY / tinder profile + messages

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                                                 rose / thorns ; an amanda roy playlist

I thought that I’d had enough But I obviously hadn’t.

listen here.

ALREADY DELETED PICTURES ;; a look into Amanda’s photo gallery.

ft. @silassanford​

annekane asked: false god by taylor swift

so here’s a long ass thing i did that deiniftely doesn’t answer the question and nobody asked for but did that stop me? no.

Harvard University: Government Major

     -- Dated for five months in freshman year. Jason was in her Economy class and they didn’t talk until after the term was over. They met met at a bar near campus and it took her exactly those five months to realize that they wanted opposite things. He was looking for a long term girlfriend, and Amanda was already not about that life. She took the end of the year as an excuse and ended things before moving back home for the summer.

     -- Hookup in freshman year. Some guy on the debate team that beat her on the last round. It didn’t last long (in more than one way), but there was something about competition that was so exciting already. 

     -- Dated? in sophomore year: it’s been over twenty years and Amanda’s still utterly confused about this guy. She was certain they were only sleeping together, he apparently was sure that they were an item. It didn’t end well. Someone saw her flirting with some other guy and Bruno god stupid angry and it kind of looked like a scene out of a comedy series. They were having totally different conversations, but bottom line was she broke his heart.

     -- Hookup during the summer between sophomore and junior years: Amanda was as  vanilla as it got because she never ever had sex ed in school (shocking) and she hadn’t had enough partners and enough confidence to try things out. Xavier was her first experience with an older guy (she was 20, he was 28) and he taught her things about herself. They didn’t talk too much, he picked her up and dropped her off just around the corner of her house so her parents wouldn’t ask whose car it was. He was an incredible kisser and the fact that he paid her any attention at all made her feel all the more mature. He even paid for the morning after pill that one time. So sweet.

     -- Hookup in junior year: at that one party, her roommate and her were dared to kiss and Amanda was That Girl and was also way past tipsy and it kinda seemed like a good idea. Callie and her were in the same classes, too, and they both pretended it had never happened. To be fair, Amanda couldn’t even recall if the kiss had been good the next morning.

     -- Dated for four months: Phil. Kinda lame, but had an okay sense of humour and he sat through extremely lengthy conversations with her and Oliver about the undoubtable and unavoidable demise of humanity. Evidently, he did it because he thought she owed her after, and she wasn’t informed enough to know she didn’t, so she lay down for two and a half minutes, cleaned up after and said she was tired and she’d see him the next day because he was really weird to share a bed with. After using all the clichés she knew to say she didn’t want to see him anymore, he decided to ignore her not very subtle hints and kept calling and showing up with take out. Phil really is a boring name for a boring man who needed a smack on the head and a book on women’s rights. Also: https://royisms.tumblr.com/post/621230604961333248/i-wish-i-missed-my-ex-mahalia

      -- Fell for Marcus in junior year: this time, it was the other way around. She was completely enamoured by him (looking back, it was the fact that he had a full academic scholarship he didn’t need and him being a guy her age who wasn’t a complete waste of space). There were rumours but she decided to ignore them and they came back to bite her in the ass. If she remembers correctly, that was the first time Oliver held back an “I told you”, but maybe she just didn’t hear him because she was sobbing into her pillow and screaming about how men were all the same and how could she have been so stupid. Not only a borken heart, but Marcus also gave her an STD! Thanks babe!

Georgetown University: Masters in Public Policy 

     -- Hooked up with her first Grad professor: because she’s a dumb bitch who doesn’t learn. He was only five years older but being in a position where he was way more powerful gave her such a rush. They wouldn’t talk in class, but she’d look at him from across the room and give him a look because it earned her some rough loving when they were finally behind closed doors. He eventually stopped calling her when she passed his class and he found another student to sleep with. Anyway... That’s systemic misogyny for you.

     -- Dated for eight months in 2003 - 2004: Joshua. Maybe the first relationship she’d consider serious. She had her own room for the first time in years and so did he, and they spent most nights together. With working on top of studying and her lack of time-management skills, she didn’t spend too much time with friends and, instead, they became each other’s support system. In the end, they liked each other because they didn’t have others who’d stand by them while they got consumed in their textbooks and not because they had too much in common. He’s now probably a Republican mayor in some town and he’s balding so she calls this one a win for sure.

Started to work for her father’s consultancy to dip her toe into electoral strategy.

     -- Hooked up with: Frank. A lawyer who’d just joined the consultancy business. She met him at an event she was assisting in. He was also struggling to pay rent but he was much better at hiding it and his neat hair and grey tux (and her lack of human touch in months) earned him a willing young blonde eager to get out of her heels and into his bed. They were done by 12:13am and he kicked her out, didn’t even call her a cab. Definitely not what she’d pictured for her first month as an official adult.

Didn’t date anyone, finally decided to officially put her career first and not focus on men. Also, started going to a therapist for the first time! This was great. We love mental health. Started to think about leaving her dad’s business and work on something else. Consultancy was okay but she really wanted to make an impact on the world, have a legacy... Yada yada.  

     -- Hooked up with: Luke. Her friend stood her up at the bar because she met some dude and Amanda was forcefully introduced to the beauty of drinking alone. This guy used the classic ‘pretending to be your boyfriend when a stranger is hitting on you to get them off but then I ask for your number so you’re uncomfortable again but I win so who cares’ move. She was tipsy enough that she didn’t care he didn’t have a condom. Unfortunately, her bank account disagreed when she withdrew the cash necessary for Planned Parenthood. You know what, fuck you Luke.

She took on more responsibilities at the office and eventually gathered enough to have her own clients. Granted, she still worked for an office, but her dad was close to retiring and she was proud of her own accomplishments. People actually called in and requested her by this point! Amazing progress. She was never working on campaigns alone because Youth and also men were still in charge lmao let’s not forget!! But hey. It’s something.

     -- Hooked up with: Samuel. He wasn’t a client anymore and he was a little younger than her, actually. He was also a Republican. Something about him winning the election with her help and her getting praise over the work she’d done by her peers made her reach out in 2010. One glass of wine became two and three. She kicked him out in the morning, and as far as she’s concerned his wife never found out.

     --  Dated (on and off) for one year and a half 2011 - 2012: Doh. He was a rising journalist, he’d written a big piece on something sketchy that had happened in Congress and he’d scored an important job, and he still wasn’t as busy as Amanda made herself. It was one year full of half-fights because, as if on cue, her phone would always start ringing and she’d pick it up without hesitation. In the end, he was too tired to explain, and she didn’t really want to hear it. By this point, she’d already started shooting people an annoyed look when they asked when she’d finally have children.

Her dad retired and his partner bought his half of the business. Amanda decided to leave the company; with the connections she’d secured during her many years as an assistant, she was finally able to consult on her own. 

     -- Hooked up with: Paarush. What was supposed to be a night of unwinding and letting herself go ended in too tight of a grip and some deep bruises on her neck. She had to wear a scarf for days to avoid any inappropriate questions.

     -- Dated for two years: Peter. Professionally, she was getting places she’d never even dreamed of and, as it had happened before, she was putting her career before anything else. She started seeing Peter after a friend of a friend introduced them and he was sweet. He was an economist and he wasn’t as busy as her, but he seemed to understand. The first few months, he’d call her at night and listen to her rant about her day, he’d check in on the weekends and wouldn’t get mad when she forgot to return his call. A few months in, he asked for the spare key to her place and it made sense, because he’d get there so much earlier than her. She’d arrive and he would have made dinner because he knew she’d forget to eat otherwise. It started small: something about the clients she was working for, how she should just stay home, comments about how good of a mother she’d be even though she’d made it very clear she had no intention in having children. By the end, it was about her beliefs and her impossibility to be empathetic with him. Most of all, he repeated over and over how she was so innocent to believe she could make a change in the world. It was hard to part ways because it was so comfortable -- they’d fallen into a routine that had taken a lot of weight off her shoulders for a while, but when she changed the lock of her apartment and refused to talk to him, she really believed she was better off without him.

     -- Hooked up with: Hans. As far as she’s concerned, he definitely wasn’t the worst man she’d slept with. Need I say more?

Started working for Oliver as his Chief of Staff. A new job, new staff, new line of work altogether, it was… Big. Not too much time for dating but she deprived herself of sleep. 

     -- Hooked up with: Javier. Not a Republican, but a conservative Democrat. He was on his way to become Mayor of Louisville (thanks to her, mostly). Again, winning is exciting, and she’s a simple woman with needs.

     -- Dated for nine months: Charlie. They matched on Tinder and Amanda messaged them with a line she thought was funny and cheeky, it probably wasn’t but for whatever reason, Charlie messaged her back. They met at a bar and hit it off almost immediately, and - wow, sleeping with someone she didn’t hate was a welcomed change. They were the first (and, so far, only) person she dated who wasn’t a man. It was a little scary at first, to be honest -- she’s a feminist, she’s liberal, she’s progressive, and she’s nice, but it was a new experience and she didn’t want to say the wrong thing. In the end, they were both too busy to keep up with a relationship. Fun fact: they both decided to break up on the same night so they were dumper and dumpee all the same. Amanda was not amused at the time, she hadn’t been dumped in so long, but hey… They didn’t talk for a while, but then ran into each other at some event or the other, one thing led to another… They definitely hooked up a few times after breaking up, but both made sure there weren’t any romantic feelings left there. That would’ve been Awkward.

Election season started and, with that, her new position as Campaign Manager for Zafar 2020. Later, she’d become Deputy Campaign Manager for Berkeley-Zafar 2020. She’s working way more hours and definitely doesn’t have time for men. Or does she! You know what I’m talking about.

     -- Did not date for nine months: Silas. There are many things she could say about him, but she won’t because it never happened. Outside of her bedroom, and his (and… His office, and the restroom at that one bar), this never happened. She never sent him flowers, he never put on his cat to meow through the phone to her, they never shared a lazy Sunday morning with coffee in bed and books unrelated to work. And he’s definitely not the man who “I can't talk to you when you're like this, staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town” was written about.

                                        Ping! 

     Her phone rang but she was too invested in a conversation with a possible endorser of the ticket that she purposefully chose to ignore it. Nothing could be that urgent, not when Oliver and the President were both within range of her periferical view, and the rest of their staff was lurking around as well. She’d instructed her niece to call if something was wrong, since she’d be away all day, but that sounded like a message or a news alert. Everything was fine.

     Until it wasn’t. Slowly, people were reaching for their phones around her, even her otherwise conversational opposite was suddenly silent and scrolling through the notifications on their mobile screen. 

     Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw on her phone -- except, perhaps, the man whose name screamed at her from her screen.

Presidential Candidate William Bell announces Alabama Senator Silas Sanford as running mate for 2020 elections.

     Fuck.

     Her head jerked up as quickly as humanly possible and, as fate would have it, her gaze landed on the one face that would bring rage pouring out of her pores. It seemed like everything else around her moved in slow motion and she so desperately wanted to rush through the crowd and toss whatever remainings of her pretty cocktail were still in her glass in his face. Ruin that well-fitting shirt in the process, that too. 

     Still, Amanda regained her composure and finally averted her eyes elsewhere: her objective was now finding either Oliver or the restroom, whatever she landed on first. The bathroom sign was, luckily, not too far away, and she hurriedly pushed her way over to the exit. She knew this was her job, and she had to deal with the news in a professional way, but with how much alcohol she’d had and the tears threatening to roll down her cheeks and ruin her mascara, the smartest decision was to just hide. 

just friends - virginia to vegas

     It’s Sunday night and they both have work in the morning but they’re still holding tightly onto each other’s arm as they stroll down a deserted street in D.C. They can hear some shhhs from near houses when their laughter gets too loud. There’s one open bar and the shots are cheap; their gazes meet for a moment as if to make sure they’re not imagining it, and they’re not. They down two extra shots and they’re way tipsier than anyone should be on a work night, but, again, they’re walking down the street together and she spins to show how the skirt they chose for her does that thing, and they show off a new earring. Now, they’re in the back of a taxi together and the driver keeps glancing at them through the rearview mirror because they can’t stop giggling at the stupidest stories they’ve told each other hundreds of times. There’s a pause and she says, “You know, you were like some of the best kisses I’ve had,” and her breath is shaking still from their jokes. They nod and grin back and appreciate the compliment, but she’s not done. She adds, “Do it again?” in the lowest of whispers, only audible because they were paying that much attention. It’s been four months since they broke up and they’ve shared a bed at least twice since then, but it’s okay. “We can say this is closure, right?” her voice is heavy from climbing up the stairs to her apartment, but also because she can already feel their hands on her waist and their lips against hers.

the winner takes it all - ABBA

     I was in your arms      Thinking I belonged there

     Amanda is not an avid ABBA-listener, but if she actually heard this song and paid attention to the lyrics, she’d laugh at herself for even remotely relating to what they’re singing about. The fact that his face would pop into her head and she’d so vividly be able to hear him say “there’s something that I am going to do and I have to do it” would be enough to make her nauseous. This lady is singing about a true love who did her wrong, someone she thought would be by her side forever who ended up letting her down, and all she can think of is a man whose bed she kept warm for a few months because she liked the thrill of it all. Mostly, it would be the references to playing a game, dices and cards, what would truly get to her

     If that doesn’t call for a glass of red, she doesn’t know what would.

What if Amanda had decided to stay in Rhode Island (or somewhere in the New England area) after college, what might her life look like now?

     Amanda still would have gone into politics, but she probably would have started with volunteering for campaigns she believed in and tried to work her way up. I think, after almost two decades, she might have decided to run herself for local government, if she had stayed home.

Amanda knew she’d come before Hans and she’s conflicted about it. On one hand, she knows her speech is good ( she’s been writing it for weeks and had multiple people proof-reead it for her ) but, on the other hand, Hans seemed like he was stunned by the word speech, and so she hoped he’d go first and leave the bar so low she wouldn’t be critized at all. Still, she stands for her seat besides Oliver when the wedding planner nods her head and, after squeezing her friend’s arm gently, takes the microphone. She puts on that I’m-about-to-ask-for-your-money smile ( one that’s been curving her lips too many times in the past few months ) and takes a look aroud the room. 

“Good evening, everyone, and thank you so much for coming. For those who don’t know me, I’m Amanda, and I’m Oliver’s best man-- or woman, should I say?” an easy joke to break the ice, some people chuckle but it’s enough to make her more comfortable in front of the crowd. “-- and if you don’t know me, it’s because I haven’t asked for your money yet, which, if you give me enough wine, might change tonight.” People laugh, because she is joking. Ish. She turns to Oliver and smiles warmly. “There are many things I could say about this man, but I do want to start by saying this: I am so incredibly proud of you.” She makes a pause, because tears are already threatening to roll off her cheeks. She’s strong enough to hold them back ( for now ) and she continues. “You have grown so much from that youg boy I met back in Harvard, and you continue to amaze me every single day with how compassionate and driven you are.” She, then, turns to Vir, and it’s almost impossible to tell but her nostrils flare just by looking at him. “Vir, you’ve contributed to making his life better every day -- I’ve seen you two grow with and for each other since the frst time you laid eyes on each other, and I’m extremely proud and grateful to be able to call myself your friend.” It’s obvious ( at least, to the three of them, that she’s talking to Oliver, but to those who are unaware of the circumstances, she’s just a proud friend speaking her truth ). “I don’t need to say this, but I will: you two are the happiest, most balanced couple I’ve met, and I hope -- and trust -- you’ll continue to help each other overcome whatever life throws your way.” With that, she grabs her glass ( of wine ) with clumsy, nervous fingers and holds it up to the rest of the guests. “I want to propose a toast to Oliver and Vir, for them to have a prosperous life and as wonderful a future as they surely deserve.” People join in and everyone drinks.  She sits down and whispers “love you" to Oliver. Only to him.

i wanna dance w/ somebody - whitney houston!!

     Okay, Amanda was immediately transported to that night four years ago when her parents celebrated their 40th anniversary. It wasn’t a huge party, just their friends and family. Amanda grew up with parents who were in love with each other -- she heard them fight, yes, and she noticed when she grew older, but she also saw them talk things through and they’ve helped each other grow inmensely. At least, that’s what they said on their renewed vows. The invited everyone to their house and moved the furniture. They played some loud, old bops and served some easy snacks, and it’s safe to say everyone got positively drunk. This song played at 2:34am when most of their friends were gone, and only her mother, father, brother, niece, and her were left. All she did was kick off her heels and get comfortable on a chair and watched her parents be absolutely ridiculous with each other just for the sake of it. This song simply reminds her of that moment of pure joy.

What if Amanda couldn't drink WINE anymore?

     You can’t joke about things like these. What, are you trying to kill her? Come on, not cool.

What if Oliver had fired Amanda; where would she be now?

     Probably sobbing in her kitchen with a bottle of red while wearing an old Harvard tee. She’d eventually get it together and filled out some job applications. Amanda has made a lot of contacts in her many years working in D.C., so hopefully someone would have hired her. Honestly, she would have taken anything -- Democrats, Republicans, Independents, you name it -- just to make ends meet. 

will quit her job at the end of the election

wants a relationship she can be public with

Nope. Amanda wasn’t looking for a relationship either way, and she’s not in one now ( right? ). She was literally on a Tinder date when this… Happened. Honestly, she’s kind of into hiding, it’s sexy, but the not being able to talk so freely about her job is really getting to her. 

“ do you believe in love ?” ( from silas, bc i gotta.... )

     “Do you realize you always ask these deep, meaningful questions and never answer mine?” A moment of hesitation, because laying in bed with a man who’s just supposed to be some fun and getting this bullet shot straight into her face was not what she’d been expecting. “Yes. Don’t you?”

🍻 “ is there anything you regret ?” - charlie

     “Yes, many things, I don’t even know where to st-- oh, I know. Letting that brat Daisy get away with stealing my project idea in the seventh grade. Not prepping enough for my first debate in college. Not going back to that cute boy’s dorm in my senior year. Going home with that man last year.”