smthn shitty i made for my chinese final ft. the only 4 vsynths i currently have that natively support mandarin chinese

I've been an absolute emotional wreck since last night due to my narcissist father making me feel less than human so can i..........ask for some reassurance that i'm not an absolute failure of a human being

or pictures of your cats, that would help a lot too

It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

So i had a terrible night and im gonna rant about it

All with half awake hallucinations (i thought for like 3 hours that i was filming a 5 hour sitcom video essay and my brain generated endless scripts while i was desperatly trying to sleep. But at the same time i was like "no i cant sleep i have the camera all set up and am filming" . At some point a laughtrack started playing in the back)

Was in extreme pain the whole 3 hours too like the worst headache and my whole skin/body felt like it was being ripped apart slowly. Then i took some pain meds after i got out of that fucking video essay state and got myself a coolpad for the headache bc that was some migrain level shit.

Two hours later i woke up in cold sweat and had to change my whole bed sheets because i was literally dripping and everything was just very drenched and bad. I had to dry myself off with a towel. I hated every part of that

Atleast i got like 4 hours of good sleep. I am having a time over here

the desire to tell the people in my life my troubles vs the troubles either Regarding Them or just not being appropriate to bring up. i'm in hell

Went skimming thru late trimax For Reasons, got caught up reading the Legato fight, realized things about the fight that I never had before & went WOW, I kind of want to write an analysis post right now!

Felt the same kind of insanity grip me, however momentarily, that fueled all my analysis posts however many months ago. Too tired to actually word things coherently right now, but...

I May or may not have a full(ish?) analysis of the Legato & Vash fight a la style of This post analyzing the Trigun: Multiple Bullets fight that got unexpectedly kind of popular. People seemed to really appreciate that one, & I even had some ppl saying it could be cool if I did that for others?

So. Legato fight. Maybe. Feel free to remind me later if u see no mention of it again for over a week lol

In a fucking glorious turn of events, my weed pen is working again

Day 7: cut loose

Chime beach episode from last year! I think they deserve a proper vacation

sometimes i remember how i was like at school and damn, am i grateful i've finished that part of my life... and this is all because i was thinking of how much i love chainsaw man and then i remember my lil sister's got a friend in school who like it too which... reminds me that if i was in school when chainsaw man aired i wouldn't even dare to admit i like it to my friends lol

that kind of animanga is somehow often associated with straight guys here, and if my friends, who are girls, know i like that kind of story... they'll really look at me like i'm a weirdo

especially if i say i actually like denji and understood him as a character

thankfully i don't have anyone to impress or lie to on a daily basis now working on my own so i'm free to like whatever i like and enjoy things because i want to and not for the sake of conforming to the social standard of what a proper woman should be 🤷

my sister is very purposefully pushing my buttons by taunting me with: “You should hear what she says about you.” ‘You‘ as in our mom, talking about me behind my back to my sister. And when I asked for further information she sneers: “Looks like I hit a soft spot for ya.”

Why does she sound like the cartoon bully everyone hates?

based: finding out there's drugs that actually can improve my mental/physical state to a point i can actually function like a regular person/not feel like death, really exciting

not based: i cannot legally take said drugs until stupid dr-to-dr communications happen. which idk when that process will be over

I love the fact that I can work as hard as I can manage with a broken tooth and a dying tooth (one on each side, I've been chewing on the cavity for a year) and I still cannot save even $10 towards getting dental treatment (2 impacted wisdom teeth, + tooth broken off under the gum, + bad cavity) because I barely make enough to cover my food and board and the insane energy bill

really truly awful to watch the adults in my life, especially ones who were adamant, consistent, and up-to-date about masking from the start, slowly start abandoning them. like y’all were, early on, making your own masks, masking everywhere, enforcing masking for us and others, taking issue with antimaskers, etc, and now because the world has decided to stop caring you’ve decided that too?? you’ve decided to willfully participate in the erasure of disabled ppl from public spaces? you’ve decided it doesn’t matter anymore just because numbers are “acceptably” lower (lots of ppl still die every day less data is being collected so ofc they seem lower than before)? you judge me and my sibling for being angry about that, for being uncomfortable around you after finding this out, for being upset people we trusted don’t care enough about our and other ppl’s safety?? the real covid exhaustion is watching the world go “back to normal" at the expense of others.

turns out doesnt matter if i wake up at 6 am for work or 1 pm for work either way i am tired after being at work for 8 hours

Coming out of a major depressive episode has the same vibe as Neo waking up from the simulation for the first time and just jolting out of his pod