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ohsilverplease · 5 months

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This weekend my mom had her chorale concert so C and I drove down in the rain and I saw some beloved Family Friends and we ate with my bff's parents (as we always do after these concerts) and it's such a nice tradition. He drove back bc I'm baby and I was too tired to go back to my place so I stayed over on a school night, which I rarely do, and on Monday morning he went to the store and got some seltzer and a single pear to eat with breakfast because he thought I would enjoy it. And I did! And it had snowed a little and the snow is more beautiful at his house.

Yesterday N and I went to the mystery movie, which was, happily and expectedly, The Boys in the Boat. An overall pleasant movie & experience and I enjoyed Callum Turner's blond hair & face. At the end when they are panning over the team I felt like they were just showing the same guy over and over because you spend so little time with most of the characters. There's Guy with Dark Hair and Guy with Blond Hair (main character) and six Guys with Brown Hair, and then slightly smaller smirky Guy with Megaphone Strapped to His Face. Rowing! They were certainly boys and they were in a boat.

Today I led my last virtual coffee break of the year (possibly at all bc I don't know if I'll keep doing it next year but it's such easy money) and we played Bingo and it was a big hit. I've pulled out my big binder of old cds and listened to Widespread Panic (Don't Tell the Band is one of my top 10 songs of all time I think) and Ryan Adams (god he made some great music). I'm doing laundry and ran the dishwasher and will get back to work soon.

I have 3 (three) nights in a row of Fun Club this week, then dinner w/ C's parents and their friends for his mom's birthday, then my mom is coming up and we're going to my cousin's kid's play and then a concert, and I'm exhausted already but it will all be good times.

At goodwill last week I was looking for a sweater for Fun Club's festive sweater decorating party, which I found, but I also found a sequin jacket/topper (white materials with gold beads/sequins) and a very spacey blue/green iridescent dress that I immediately fell in love with. I asked the ladies across the aisle to talk me out of it and they did not. I then bought a ticket to the J Roddy Walston Christmas to the Bone show next week so I'd have someplace to wear it. It's gonna be great!

#journal entry #pears as romantic gestures

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potatotrash0 · 3 years

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Oh? You've been into Childhood alternative universes lately?*slides Mastermind Nagito file back and pulls seperate piece of paper out* Let's work with that. *sits in the worn down swivel chair that I imagine myself keeping in this hellscape of a fictional office* Now :).

Hinata and Nagito first met when they were six. Nagito was still sick at this time, so his parents were taking him to a doctor in a different country in hopes of being able to treat him. Nagito was sitting on a street corner waiting as some of the servants packed up the car for their plane trip, when he notices a little boy with the greenest eyes and the oddest cowlick crying on the other side of the street. When he goes up to the child to ask what's wrong, he sees the big scrape on his knee, and the busted skateboard lying next to him. Nagito offers a hand to him. "Komaeda Nagito. Need some help?" He says with a smile that wasn't yet tainted with anxiety and despair. The kid crying grabs the hand, still bursting at the seams with his tears, and manages to say "H-hinata Hajime." in a shaky voice. When Hajime's taken inside for a glass of water and bandages, and is able to talk in a less shaky voice, they make a fond promise to hang out when Nagito gets back.

When Nagito gets back from the "trip", Hajime is in absolute shock. This sweet kid who helped him without hesitation had to deal with all this... terrible luck. Hajime does his best to look up ways to feel better, gets a bucket of a water and a handful of chocolates ( drinking water can help stop crying and chocolate can give ranged waves of dopamine [if I remember right]- Hajime doesn't know what dopamine means but it was on a site to help sadness and shit and he's just doin his best), and heads to Nagito's house. He's allowed in, and when he eventually finds Nagito curled up in the corner of his room, he stupidly drops the bucket and chocolates in front of him with a grin. Nagito responds by crawling over to him and crying on his shoulder for seemingly hours, and Hajime lets him.

Nagito was glad he had someone who wouldn't judge him for his "good luck" now.

( afterwards, Nagito says that it was alright, that he heard the servants talking about how it was good luck, since he inherited a large estate, and Hajime says he heard his parents say the same thing, and they both agree that it must have been good luck, since everyone else said so, despite the countless bruises and tears that it caused. Neither of them realize that their views on luck were permanently obscured since then.)

They grow closer after that, and don't seperate once, not as they grow older, not as life beats Nagito inwards which each traumatic event and curls into his beliefs of hope, despair, and talent, not as Hajime realizes he can't save Nagito from himself. Which each day, they grow closer and closer to the hip, practically seamed to each other.

That is, until Hope's Peak academy came into the picture. Nagito and Hajime immediately jumped for whatever chance they had to get in (both reasons are personal, but more tied to the character- Nagito still desires to be amongst the greatest, while Hajime still desires to be remembered [mostly by Nagito, though he doesn't entirely realize that's why].), but when they're still separated by the two courses, that's ywhere the problem lies. You see, Nagito is still an insensitive dumbfuck that doesn't realize how his words affect other people, and when he keeps actively degrading the reserve course students even in front of Hajime, it takes a toll. Hajime starts believing that Nagito hates him because of his status as a reserve course student now, and between the pressure of all the bullshit that happens to him because of his status and now this bs drama, he's willing to pay a price for his affection once again. A price that'll be much too permanent for either's liking.

This is where I add the Kamakura project in. I'm sorry for this upcoming angst shit but I always find my way back here.

When Hajime is presented the Kamakura project, he thinks about being able to join Nagito in the talent course and that Nagito won't be hate him for it anymore. He thinks of Nagito showering him with hugs and praise for finally being able to join him and his classmates. He thinks of the joy it'll bring to Nagito and his parents- but mostly Nagito. He thinks of Nagito, Nagito, Nagito as he signs his name. He didn't think he'd be shoved into a pod. He didn't think he wouldn't be able to see Nagito ever again. As he dies, he thinks about the little boy who offered his hand to him when his other friends left. Nagito, Nagito, Nagito. Izuru is born thinking of this boy, and it sticks. Nagito, Nagito, Nagito. He doesn't stop thinking of him, even when Enoshima and Ikusaba appeared with their proposition of despair (a part of him told him to not do it, let Nagito keep his hope, this man he couldn't remember), even when Chiaki dies in front of him (he feels... guilty, about her death, but not exactly sorrow. he wonders if he'd feel this way if the sheep man died.).

Nagito realizes who Izuru was when he turned around to aim at him. He saw the cold, dead eyes of this man, and for a moment he saw the boy who remembered him and brought him water and chocolate to help him feel better. The one person Nagito thought couldn't be affected by his luck was gone now. This was how Nagito fell into despair.

They generally stayed together for most of the apocalypse, still attached to the hip, although it was... different now. There were no more subconscious handholding moments as they traveled through the streets. There was no more trying to stop Servant from berating himself. There was no more helping Hinata's injuries. No more ice cream "dates". No more... love, in their presence.

Izuru tells Servant about his plan as they sit together on the boat to Jabberwock. Servant is sitting in the other's lap, stroking their hair as they speak. He responds with expressing his excitement, and Izuru feels a wave of guilt wash over him, though he drowns it out immediately.

Hajime wakes up to see his best friend standing over him. "Hey, Hajime, are you alright?" Nagito says, with a smile tainted with fear and despair as he offers his hand to help him up. Hajime briefly feels a sense of Deja vu, and grabs the offered hand.

(I keep making these too long dkckakkflakfkalfk f u c k)

sobs.........every time you get to the kamukura project i just brace myself bc it hurts like hell 100% of the time without fail......but ahhhhhhh i love this.......

for a moment i thought this was gonna be childhood friends and mastermind komaeda and i nearly had a heart attack?? mmm i’m still buzzing with the ideas but i’ll put it under the cut

just like. hajime finding comfort in having at least one person to rely on in this bizarre situation. komaeda really does ground him, he realizes, but that stability seems to crumble beneath him during that first trial. watching nagito, someone he thought he knew so well, reveal that he had been the one behind this elaborate plan to get himself or someone else killed? there’s no way hajime could okay after that, no way he could look at him the same way.

and he doesn’t, but he doesn’t look at him completely differently either. this komaeda, someone who’s unstable and actively looks forward to the next murder, is still komaeda. he’s still the same guy who goes through whole novels like they’re picture books, who pokes at his food at meal times and has to be nagged at to eat. he’s still nagito. and even if he wanted to, hajime couldn’t find it in himself to just ditch the guy he grew up with for all those years.

so, he reaches out again. gets to know his childhood friend for a second time, relearning his beliefs, his likes, his dislikes. even discovers some things he never noticed before. in a way, they were driven apart, but also brought back together again.

and that’s part of the reason it’s such a shock to see komaeda in monokuma’s place during that last trial, grinning down at them. he looks and sounds like nagito, but he couldn’t be him. someone who put them through all this couldn’t be that same boy who helped him when he fell off his skateboard all those years ago......right?

all of this information, from the world being a simulation to his childhood friend being the one to basically kill all of their classmates, it all throws him off. not to mention that he might not even exist outside of this program. choosing between staying with someone who betrayed him twice over or disappearing entirely........can he even make a decision like that?

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realtalk-princeton · 4 years

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i haven't been able to leave my house for the past five months bc my parents are at risk and they've been keeping us all inside out of extreme caution. a lot of my friends are living their best lives in apartments together but it's financially better for me to stay at home.... i'm feeling pretty trapped and am worried school will be all-consuming this semester. any tips for things i can do to stay sane?

Response from Viola:

Hi OP, I’m sorry to hear that. I feel you on this so hard. It’s really tough being stuck at home for long periods of time and even moreso when you have friends who aren’t in the same boat.

Something that was recommended to me was (if you’re able) to invest in yourself and your work-at-home setup however possible. It can feel really suffocating being back in your parents’ home, but if you can say make your work from home set up a bit nicer it can certainly help. If you like the dorm room aesthetic, you can try buying some items to make your bedroom feel more like your dorm room. If tech is more your speed, you can invest in a new pair of headphones to help block out background noise or a new monitor or keyboard. I personally invested in a bunch of tea which has given me something to look forward to each morning and has drastically improved my mood.

Also, I would recommend getting some fresh air if possible. If you have access to a backyard or balcony, it can help a lot to just spend a couple of minutes a day outdoors.

It might sound counter-intuitive, but depending on your own circumstances I would recommend limiting social media use, especially if friends are posting about living together on apps like insta. You don’t need to go cold-turkey, sometimes doing things as simple as setting app timers or deleting social media apps your phone and only using the desktop versions can really help mood wise. I’ve also found a lot of solace in making plans with friends to zoom, netflix party, etc...it’s been really good for the feelings of loneliness etc...

Lastly, I think finding new hobbies/things to do around the house can be really liberating. It's really hard to get those endorphins while trapped in your home all the time and are doing Princeton work. Doing something that you can see yourself progress in and do better at can really help with coping. I've personally gotten really into cooking & baking during quarantine, and I've heard of people having lots of success with getting into knitting, crocheting, jewellery making, language learning, origami, etc...

Sending you lots of love OP <33

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