#//anyone who would have liked to be there can write a self-para
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Where: Mulism Cultural Society Mosque for Berat's Funeral
When: March 19, 2024
Idle fingers tug the headscarf a little tighter around her neck, knelt on a pillow in the third row (children in the second and men in the first) in the prayer room outside of the mosque in Haringey. Inwardly Ayda berated herself for not putting more into the funeral, the last thing she could do was give Berat the ending he deserved, but there was too much in the little time they had. A hand reached out, taking Ma’s hand in hers, catching sight of Emine on the other side, holding the opposite hand. At least she was able to accomplish one thing, giving Ma the time to process and grieve, leaving the arrangements to her.
All those in attendance, and the body, faced in the direction of Mecca. The whole community had shown up, and those that cared for him, and it made her sad that he couldn’t see all of those who loved him, let him know that he wasn’t alone. She wanted to believe that he was looking down at them. That he was in a better place.
The Iman stands facing them, ready to give the prayer. “God is greater.”
“God is greater,” all the voices echo.
“In the name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful. Praise be to God, the Lord of the Universe, the Compassionate, the Merciful, Sovereign of the Day of Judgment! You alone we worship, and to You alone we turn for help. Guide us to the straight path, the path of those whom You have favoured, not of those who have incurred Your wrath, nor those who have gone astray.” The Iman’s voice carries a power that resonates in Ayda.
“God is greater,” all the voices echo once more.
“Allah, we ask You to raise the rank of Muhammad, and have mercy upon the Al (family, friends, and everyone else present for the funeral) of Muhammad, as You raised the rank of Ibrahim (Abraham), and the Al of Ibrahim. Verily, You are the One Who deserves to be praised and thanked, and the One Who is glorified. O Allah, we ask You to bless Muhammad, and the Al of Muhammad, as You blessed Ibrahim, and the Al of Ibrahim. Verily, You are the One Who deserves to be praised and thanked, and the One Who is glorified.”
“God is greater,” a choir of voices rang.
“Allah, grant forgiveness to our living and to our dead, and to those who are present and to those who are absent, and to our young and our old folk, and to our males and females. O Allah! Whomsoever you grant to live, from among us, help him to live in Islam, and whom of us you cause to die, help him to die in faith. Grant especially this dead person your ease, rest, forgiveness and consent Allah, if he acted well, then increase for him his good action, and if he acted wrongly, then overlook his wrong actions. Grant him security, glad tidings, generosity and closeness to you. We seek Thy blessings, Thou art the most Merciful.”
“God is greater,” a moment of silence follows, then all those in unison along with the Iman finish the prayer. “May the peace and mercy of Allah be upon you.”
She can feel the tears start to swell in her eyes, giving Berat’s mothers hand a small squeeze in reassurance that she wasn’t alone. Slowly the front row stands, taking a moment to pass by Berat’s body, a silent goodbye said. Next the children went, a few words murmured. Lastly, the women stand, letting them all take a turn before leaving the end for herself, Emine and Berat’s mother.
She can’t believe she’s saying goodbye.
Emine leads them, tears streaming down her cheeks and given the custom, she was doing a good job holding it together. A hand comes to rest on top of his and she can hear what the girl whispers.
“I want you to know that you are the best big brother. I know we had our differences, but I wouldn’t have wanted to do this world without you. I love you, always.” She leans down to kiss his forehead, moving to let Ma take her turn.
“My sweet boy. Life is not fair.” The words are heard between the sobs. “I will pray for you every day. I love you.” She placed a kiss upon his forehead, Emine reaching to take her head.
And that left Ayda, standing there looking at the man she was so certain she would have spent the rest of her life with. “May you be at peace. I will look out for them.” That she could promise them. “I’m sorry for leaving.” The last words she whispers, moving away.
The burial grounds are not too far off, a line of people following behind the men carrying Berat’s body and he is slowly lowered into his grave. Muslims did not believe in cremation, that there will be a physical resurrection on Judgement Day, and Ayda wished for nothing more.
Ma, Ayda and Emine are the first to throw three handfuls of dirt onto his grave, reciting a small prayer.
“Out of it We (Allah) created you, And into it We deposit you, And from it We shall take you out once again.”
The rest of the family, friends and the community do the same, reciting the same words. A lot of hands wiping under eyes and hugs shared amongst those there.
It wasn’t long until everyone was invited to Tamamen Dolu for food and drinks, a custom that would have taken place at Ma’s, but this felt like a better setting and would allow her to go home when she was ready. Where she knew it would be quiet for her. .
Ayda kept busy, making sure everyone had something to drink and food on a plate, it gave her a way to keep her mind distracted.
When the night was starting to wind down, she caught sight of Emine sitting at the table that had their engravement.
She moves to stand behind her, a hand reaching up to unclasp the necklace from around her neck, moving to place it around Emine’s.
“Ayda, what are you doing?” Emine questions her, turning her head before a hand comes up to wrap around the ring hanging from it.
“I think you should have this.” It was breaking her to give the last piece of Berat she had, but it felt right giving it to Emine. “That was the engagement ring he got for me. I wanted to give you something to remember him by.”
Emine sits there speechless for a second, head turning to look down at the ring. “Ayda…I…” Ayda could feel the tears return and when she saw Emine’s face after she slipped out of the chair, it seemed both of them were doing the same. Arms wrap around her, letting hers wrap around the other. “Thank you.” She whispers.
#self-para#character development#char dev`#flashback#haringey#community#berat's funeral#//anyone who would have liked to be there can write a self-para#//there are some customs - i can send a link#//pretend Emine is wearing a headscraf
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So when are we going to start to address the very real harm that the anti ship discourse, as well as anti para rhetoric, does to people with POCD?
Do you have any idea what it's like to obsess over the fear that you might be a ped0? I have literally spent days basically non-stop analysing anything I ever might have done that would make me a ped0 with my greatest reassurance to myself being that "I can't be, because if I was I'd kill myself." (If you know anything about OCD, you know reassurances don't actually help. When I inevitably found more reasons to convince myself I am a P, the line to off myself only sounded more and more like the reasonable solution)
In my rational brain I know that fiction isn't reality and I don't deserve to fucking die over reading fic. I never used to have a problem with problematic fic I read because it was completely divorced from reality to me. I knew that it was completely fiction, even more than that it was further removed from reality because it was fanfiction, and knowing that nobody was being actually hurt meant I could read it without questioning my morals. Reading problematic fic didn't even pop up as a worry when the pocd would come back because I knew that fanfiction isn't reality and what you read in fiction has no basis on what you like in reality.
And I still know that's true when it comes to other people, i know that people who read and write problematic fic aren't intently ped0s, but the anti discourse has fucked me up. Ever since seeing people argue that reading or writing problematic ships means that you are secretly a ped0, my POCD has latched on to it and it makes me want to fucking die. I can barely engage with any media now without fear of commiting a fucking thought crime which will prove that I'm a monster and going to commit an actual crime. It's hard to be around anyone for fear that they'll also think I should die. I've gotten so much worse in the past couple years and so much of that is because of stupid fucking anti discourse.
And then there's the anti para rhetoric that exists fucking everywhere. Seeing people say "all ped0s and zoos should kts" has made me so sick. My ocd tells me that I'm actually just a ped0 in denial and should die because of it and people saying that all ped0s, regardless of if they have or would ever offend, should just die fuels the voice that tells me to commit slip and slide more than anything else.
For fucking decades the only people I've spoken to about this are my system members out of debilitating shame and fear and self loathing. Contemplating at what point the thoughts actually mean I should just give in and end it.
There are no such thing as thought crimes.
Reading problematic fic literally hurts no one.
Telling people that they're ped0s with no proof because they read something causes real harm.
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c'est lâche, mon grand, on te dira c'est l'âge (self-para) (sort of)
tl;dr: therapy is now in session for your favorite (???) rich boy (said no one, ever) and succession-character-wannabe, walmart roy! and the diagnostic is absolutely scandalous !!! (not really) (this is just a lil funny thing as a follow-up to the rave and a pre-summer self-para) - this was on my drafts for waaaay too long and i just forgot to post it
ic date: the week after the rave, before the commencement gala.
tw: brief mention of drug use, anxiety
disclaimer: i wanted this thread to be more dialogue-centric, not a full-on para, so that's why there's very little about eddie's or dr. reichmann's thought processes here.
(...)
“It's been a while...” Dr. Helena Reichmann, Ph.D. asks as she sips on her chamomile tea.
He nods.
“You seem anxious.”
“No. I'm all right.” He immediately stops fidgeting his feet.
"You texted me at 6AM on a Sunday morning saying you needed to talk. Want to start with that?"
He remains silent for a moment.
"I thought I had done something very... Um, messed up. But I was wrong."
She says nothing. He understands, she wants him to explain.
"It's nothing really. Don't worry." His voice trembles a bit. Her brows crease. "I was on drugs."
“You mean marijuana?” She knows he is prone to using weed occasionally. But that is not what he means.
"No."
"You used heavy drugs?" The disbelief in her tone is almost funny.
“I went to a rave. I took molly for the first time.” A smoke screen.
"So you were under the influence and you thought you had done something messed up?" She mirrors his tone.
He just nods. She takes notes.
“And how did that feel? The molly.”
“I don’t know.” He lies again, not so well this time. She writes it down.
“Did you enjoy it?”
“I did.”
“Do you want to do it again?”
“I’m not sure.”
She takes note.
“Let's get back to that, though. What was it you thought you had done?”
“Nothing, really. I just thought I had told someone something that I shouldn't.” He starts fidgeting again. She writes it down.
He cannot tell her about G. Too much at stake. Things even she doesn’t know.
"Well, I'm having a hard time believing you. You are clearly anxious about it..."
“Don’t you have some meditation technique that I can use, then?”
“No. And even if I did, we both know that kind of thing doesn't work for you.”
“Well, I don’t know, doesn't matter." She doesn't buy what he is selling. "Let's talk about something else.”
“Listen, the only way to help you is by understanding what happened. We won't get anywhere if you keep things from me."
He says nothing. She sighs.
“And do you have anyone you can talk to about this, at least? Someone you trust?”
“Lucas and Océane.”
“I mean at school.” Her tone is reprimanding. She knows he knows what she means.
“No.”
“Well, you should.”
“Well, I don’t.”
“Don’t you feel like you need that? That you need someone to talk to?”
“I’ve already got someone.”
“Someone that is not 3000 miles away?”
“I talk to them all the time. It’s almost like they’re here.”
“No, Edward, it’s not, and you know it.”
Silence. He stares at her, face completely blank. Devoid of any sort of expression that can help her lead their conversation down a specific path. She rolls her eyes.
“You are very challenging, do you know that?”
“Are you supposed to say that to a patient?”
“If I think that’s what they need to hear, then yes.”
“And what, exactly, makes me challenging?”
She doesn't answer, instead she pushes him, “Is Cara like this? Was Greer?”
“Is.”
“Sorry? Who is?”
“Greer. You used the wrong tense.”
“Edward…” She has been subtly trying to prepare him for the worst. For the bad news, if it ever comes to. Which, she is pretty sure, is only a matter of time.
“Is Greer like this?” He insists, voice unbending, words coming in pregnant pauses to reinforce the imposition. Treating Greer like she was dead was the one thing that would get him to storm out of her clinic.
“Are Cara and Greer like this?” She half-concedes.
“Like what?” She likes to push him. He likes to push her back.
“Resolute.” It sounds like that word has been very carefully chosen. And he picks up on it.
“You mean stubborn?” He fires back, a smirk on his face.
She nods.
“Yes.”
“The three of you?”
He nods. She writes it down.
“And have you tried getting close to Cara? Last time you were here, you told me you would.”
“Yes.”
“And-?“
“What do you think?”
“Bad?”
“Not too bad. Not good either.”
“Hm. And do you think you two can get along?”
“Don’t know… Can’t tell yet.”
“Who doesn’t know, Edward? Who can’t tell?” She heavily emphasizes the pronouns. Almost as though she were a detective pressing a fellon to reveal the name of their accomplice.
“What do you mean? Me.”
“It’s intriguing to me how sometimes you don’t see yourself as the subject of your own actions.”
“Don’t use Freud on me.”
“I’m just saying… Whenever you talk about your family, you tend to eclipse the first person. Always happens...”
“Can you change the subject, please?”
“Do you think you envy her?” She pushes further. “Cara? Do you think you wish you were more–“
“Can you change the subject, please?” He insists, more incisively this time.
“Sure.” She grins triumphantly.
Any patient in their right mind would walk straight out of there. Not Edward, though. Edward likes that she can see through him. Edward likes that she treats their sessions like a game.
“Finals are right around the corner, right?"
"Yes."
"And I assume we're only seeing each other after your summer break now, correct?"
"Mhm."
"Are you still going to Manhattan for the summer? To work with your father?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“The fuck do you mean? “Why”? Because that’s what he wants me to do.”
“Watch your tone.”
“Sorry.”
“You know, you only curse in our sessions when we’re talk–“
“Don’t.” He interrupts her.
She chuckles.
“Is that what you want to do?”
He doesn’t answer. She writes it down.
“Are you excited?”
“Sure.”
“Because it’s what you have to do, right?” She mimics his way of saying it, emphasizing the word have – it’s something he has said to her a dozen times before, and it always sounds like a burden. A cross he is involuntarily caring.
“You know it.” He replies with debauchery.
She shakes her head. Then writes again.
“Tell me, what is it that you’re looking forward to doing during your summer recess?”
“I’m going to Marseille in August.”
“With–?“
“Yes.”
“Well, that’s very nice.”
They both smile. Modest, but genuine. A truce. She is truly happy to hear that. He is truly happy to say it. She likes them. They're good for him.
“Edward, our time is over for today. But before you go, I want to tell you something.”
He rolls his eyes, and the smile immediately disappears.
“You need to find a balance between taking yourself too seriously and not taking yourself seriously at all. You are only 20 years old, Edward. You’re allowed to live your life like a 20-year-old.”
His face starts to burn.
“You need to stop rationalizing your feelings. You need to let yourself have a good time every once in a while. And, most importantly, you need to think about yourself. About what you really want to do with your life.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re a smart kid, Edward," She knows he enjoys the adulation, and she does it almost as if she is laying the groundwork for what will follow. "You know exactly what that means. You just want me to spell it out to you.”
“I’m waiting.”
"Remember what I said about not using the first person when your family is involved? That's what I mean. It's like you're not in the driver's seat of your own life sometimes..." She fires, a grin on her face. Well, he did ask for it...
He swallows hard, fighting the urge to nod in confirmation.
“There's more important things you should be worrying about than not getting drunk with your friends every once in a while, or always being top of the class. Instead, try putting more effort into figuring out who you are, what you want, and what makes you happy. Instead of caring so much about what others expect of you, or who they want you to be.”
They stay in silence for a few more seconds. That is exactly the reaction she is hoping for.
“Goodbye, Edward. Do me the kindness of telling my next patient I'm ready for her on your way out. You have my number if you need me before September.”
“Goodbye, doctor Reichmann.”
Before he walks out, she speaks again. “And, please, enjoy your summer.”
He nods, finally. Then leaves.
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hi thank you for creating a blog which is so safe. i never felt comfortable with my sensuality and my environment has always shamed me from being too feminine and express my sexuality. ur posts are so memorable that i keep returning to them and then i end up scrolling thru ur answered asks and i just feel so sleepy and safe and so inspired to be like you? btw we both have capricorn moon so maybe i can relate the way u think?
my surroundings have always slut shamed me for even existing but you as a stranger whose works i have read and reblogged and never interacted with you has made me feel inspired to be this much confident. so heres this note for you, me thanking you. i didnt know if i should reveal my blog but i cried halfway thru the pretty flushed matz smut. i never thought i would...
the world has always unintentionally or intentionally kink shamed everyone. you call someone mommy daddy? oh ew. you like being called kitty pup etc. oh god ur a furry. but here seeing u using bunny as a pet name for ur beloved readers and not making fun of any asks or answer any of them rudely. i really am inspired by your energy. i am a witch(?) (i am beginner tho because my environment doesnt let me thrive) and when i first discovered you, i couldnt believe u interacted with ur readers like that and i almost felt envious of how proudly ur comfy with yourself. but lmao look at me here writing paras abt how much i felt like accepting my self even if it was 0.01%
ps. god i would love to talk to you abt everything and share evrythung ur so cool !! 🫂🫂 i wanna be off anon so bad but damn my shyness bruh T-T
Oh bunny, you should never be shy about your wishes and dreams. As I always say, all my bunnies literally live in my head.
My blog is a complete reflection of me, reading my work you can see what a mess my head is in and how different I can be.
Oddly enough, I'm quite shy in life and used to being a real princess, but at the same time I can easily take a dominant position. I can be completely different and adapt to whatever you want, but one thing I am one hundred percent sure of is that I will never love anyone more than I love myself.
Loving myself and accepting who I am now has not been easy for me and I really wish someone had been there for me in my time to tell me that: I will always be with you.
We choose who we are and society has no right to impose standards and labels on us. I want my bunnies to know that I will always be there for them, day or night. This is a safe place for them and I will never tolerate humiliation or insults towards my bunnies.
Pretty Flushed is really special, isn't it? I know it is one of your favourites of my work and I intend to expand this universe. So expect a very special morning with my adored MATZ soon.
And remember, bunnies, I love you the most and I don't want to share you with anyone else. All bunnies are mine and mine alone ~
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Hi again :D
Can you share with us a few of your favorite scenes so far from either of your fic? Stuff that really brings out the characterization of Dahlia and any of the others?
What are some things you've learned from writing these scenes, or writing in general? What is the next thing you'd like to work on improving in your writing?
and lastly -- I asked this of Para, too, and I'm interested! -- what advice would you give to your younger writing self now that you're where you are in your journey?
Hiiiiiiii friend! <3 Ooooh, let me go digging a bit here…
I think I will feed you a couple of snippets which exhibit a few different states of Dahlia’s being. (I am sure there are others or even some better ones somewhere, but this is what came to mind at the moment.)
1.) As she listens to the quiet crunching of snow under her feet, she thinks about all of the things she has done recently and all of the things she will need to accomplish. Where is she going, and what is her role in all of this? Is it truly Akatosh and the Divines who push her forward, and is this where she is meant to be and what she is meant to be doing? She often wonders about the invisible strings of fate and how it seems like they constantly drive her onward. This frequently leads her to contemplate how much of her own life choices are really hers, and how many were preordained or destined. Maybe it sounds lofty and self-important to think that the Divines have taken so much interest in her life and what she does, but she can’t help but wonder. And she is indeed Akatosh’s chosen.
As much as she has grown and enjoyed the adventure, she resents the heavy burden which seems to constantly sit like a weight on her shoulders and the feeling that her life isn’t her own. Sometimes she wishes she could reach out and talk to Akatosh like a father. Perhaps this is something she should have expressed to Paarthurnax when she was still at the top of the mountain. Dahlia sighs deeply. Having decided that she has caused herself enough of an existential crisis for the time being, she glances at her surroundings, taking it all in before she sucks in a deep breath and lets loose WULD NAH KEST.
2.) Well, that was certainly close.” Dahlia says in relief as she reveals herself from her hiding spot behind the bookshelf Ulfric is standing by.
Ulfric turns around quickly with surprise. She was here the whole time? How could he have missed her?
Dahlia puts a finger up to her lips to signal to the Jarl not to give up her location. As soon as Lydia’s footsteps are no longer echoing through the halls, she sighs and slumps against the shelf behind her, finally relaxing.
“Are you hiding from your housecarl?” Ulfric asks. “Maybe I should call her back.” He grins at her with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.
“No, please no!” She waves her hands in front of her frantically, and Ulfric chuckles. “She wants to put me through all sorts of torture with hair and shoes which I find thoroughly unnecessary and rather tedious.” She pleads with him. “She is very bossy when she wants to be, and I have no intention of participating any further in her schemes. I’ve already indulged her enough.” She states as she creeps carefully to the library’s door and pokes her head outside.
3.) Waves of pain and anguish at what she has done begin flooding her system. She can still feel her hands tingling with the phantom sensation of lingering shock spells. She shakes them as if that will dispel the feeling and clean her conscience of what has transpired.
Nothing.
She can still feel it.
She will always be able to feel it; there is no escape.
Everywhere she looks, and especially inside herself, all she sees is darkness. What is this beast, this monster she has become?
She is nothing.
She is cold.
She is darkness.
In her need for protection, domination, and revenge, she had forgotten herself and who she is.
She was not Dahlia in this moment. She was Ysmir, Dragon of the North, and her only thought was how dare anyone think they could touch what is hers.
Dahlia roars with an inconsolable despair, words she never knew in the dragon tongue falling like water fluidly from her lips.
Alone.
She needs to be alone. Deserves to be alone. There is nothing good about her anymore. The darkness swallowed up all her light, and it is all she can see now.
Alone.
She needs to run. Needs to hide. Needs to disappear.
Alone.
Because no one should want to be with someone like her.
Dahlia looks down at her hands again and seeing the blood coating them, she lets out a sob. She is horrified. What has she done? And what would Ulfric think of her? Her mother? The Greybeards? Colette? The citizens of Skyrim? She is supposed to be a hero, and she is anything but.
What are some things you've learned from writing these scenes, or writing in general?
Oooof, well, I have definitely learned a lot through the whole experience of writing in general. Specifically, I think I learned to just let things flow and try to draw from the gut and trust my instincts. I was extremely cautious at first when I started writing (for many reasons.) And now it’s just nice to kind of let things find themselves and have fun in the process. I won’t say that I don’t still sometimes stress over the things I write, but I think what I write now is more natural now because of this—and I have more fun with it.
What is the next thing you'd like to work on improving in your writing?
Is everything too broad of an answer? I know a lot of us creatives suffer from the “we’re too hard on ourselves” syndrome, I am not immune. I know there are a lot of things I could go back and improve upon when I have time later. Right now, I think my focus is on making sure I am not using too many participle clauses (I love them, your honor) and trying to make sure I am showing and not telling too frequently. Yes, yes. I know that it’s the standard advice and complaint of many who give writing advice, but I try to follow it anyway. I think if I had to mention one more thing: trying not to get wrapped up in my own love of self-indulgent drama.
What advice would you give to your younger writing self now that you're where you are in your journey?
Relax, have fun, and don’t be afraid of what you’re creating. It’s all wonderful. The journey is an enjoyable one, and you’ll learn and improve on a lot of things on your way. Don’t stress about the mess and that everything isn’t “perfect”. It doesn’t need to be. (Actually, I should also take this advice for myself right now. It’s always needed tbh.)
And I think as much as you are aware now that I am a hybrid pantser/plotter, I might argue that perhaps I should do a little more of the plotting thing. (Just a smidge. I still do love discovery writing.)
#these really made me think#I did have to do quite a bit of digging#I'm trying not to give too many spoilers#thanks for the thoughtful asks as always#winter answers asks
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𝘛𝘏𝘐𝘚 𝘐𝘚 𝘈 𝘉𝘙𝘈𝘕𝘋 𝘕𝘌𝘞 𝘚𝘛𝘈𝘙𝘛 , 𝖠𝖭𝖣 𝖨 𝖳𝖧𝖨𝖭𝖪 𝖨 𝖣𝖤𝖲𝖤𝖱𝖵𝖤 𝖲𝖮𝖬𝖤 𝖯𝖱𝖠𝖨𝖲𝖤
━━━━━━━━ 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 ! 🩷
𝑷𝑳𝑨𝒀𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻. 🩷 𝑷𝑰𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑬𝑺𝑻. 🩷
[ 1 ] : INTRO. hi! my name is mae, i'm 25, i use she/her pronouns & i go by est. this is my highly - selective, low activity rp blog for angel dust of "haz.bin hotel." icon border, header template, theme template & psd are both by jessources. all graphics here are made by me unless stated otherwise.
[ 2 ] : ETIQUETTE. you know the rules. no godmodding, bigotry, racism, forcing ships, or hate of any kind . just be a decent person i don't do well with drama & i dislike callout culture & i won't be participating in it in any way. of course i want to know who to avoid, but i would prefer these things to be handled & discussed privately & maturely. if any drama occurs or has occurred with someone i know, i am open to discussing it calmly & in private. another thing i won't tolerate is hate for certain ships or characters on this blog. i am here to explore all dynamics.
[ 3 ] : FOLLOWING. if i follow you, it means i want to write with you! . if not, it's likely because i can't see our muses clicking well or that i am unfamiliar with the fandom. i will soft block if you don't make an effort to interact with me ooc or ic for some time. i will block you if you break any of my rules.
[ 4 ] : TRIGGERS & NSFW. triggers you might find on this blog include: themes of heavy drug use/substance abuse, addiction, SA, suicidal ideation, SW slurs, self harm, child abuse, abusive relationships, guns, depression, and disassociation. i will be tagging triggers as: "trigger cw" & will happily tag anything if asked. my own triggers include: dissociation/depersonalization/derealization, body horror, trypophobia, & eye gore. i'm happy to write nsfw themes so long as we've spoken beforehand! obviously, there will be sexual themes here as well. i will never write it with anyone who is uncomfortable with doing so; i, however, am perfectly fine writing it. sidenote: angel is intersex as well as hypersexual - he is also a gay man; while he does provide his services to and work with women, he does it for that reason only. i will only be shipping angel with non-female muses.
[ 5 ] : ACTIVITY & FORMATTING. my activity is typically sporadic no matter the blog. i do have a life outside of rp & my own mental health to look after. sometimes i'm able to write many replies a day, others only one or none at all. patience in regards to replies is much appreciated & expected. my lengths are usually multi para but they can be shorter or longer depending. never be afraid to send random asks, multiple memes, or turn answers into threads! i love collecting a variety of prompts, but i’m privy to deleting them if they’ve been sitting for awhile or if i can’t think of anything good enough, same goes for threads. sometimes i’ll post one-liner starter calls, but you never have to match my length exactly but i do expect something to go off of. i use small, bold, & italic text. you also do not have to match my formatting & i implore you to tell me if you need it changed for accessibility purposes. my eyesight is not the best, so i ask you to please avoid screenshot-ed replies or using too much fancy text.
[ 6 ] : SHIPPING. i love shipping with all my heart, exploring dynamics no matter what they may entail is my favorite thing, and i implore you to come to me if you'd like to explore a dynamic of any kind with our muses! note that angel as a whole is very flirtatious. this does not always mean he is interested. angel is also an adult film star, this does not mean he is interested should your muses sleep together. while i am willing to explore toxic dynamics, i will never, ever write acts of SA. lastly, i only ship angel with husk at this time. that being said, if you write husk i will never assume you want to ship with me, personally. if you write valentino, i am open to exploring pre-canon val.angel as well as au's with the two.
[ 7 ] : VERSES. i will make a post to attach to this later describing them in greater detail (as well as angel's backstory), but my verses for angel are in life, pre-contract, pre-hotel, swap angel based on this au, and an overlord au.
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With that, we conclude season 2! We’re currently working on season 3 and we understand that the recent (multiple hehe) self-paras, plot drops and the big reveal can be a lot to deal with so we encourage everyone to take all the time they need. Your mental and emotional health is important to us so if you’re in need of a hiatus, we completely understand! Just please let us know.
I can honestly say this has been our best season so far and I want to take this moment to applaud my fellow admin, Jasmine, for all the hard work she did with her character, and not only for sticking to the storyline, but also for moving it along. This season wouldn't have been as great a success without her dedication and talent. Additionally, I'd like to thank Jasmine and Idalis for all the help with the main this season. Thank you both for your continued dedication to this group and I appreciate you both so much ❤️
Fair warning, this post will be a little long because all updates to end this season will be stated here!
Moving forward, we understand that it can be a big change for a lot of characters so if anyone would like to drop characters or switch one for another or edit anything about your current ones, you’re more than welcome to do so! Just shoot the main a message since we’ll be updating the pages today and tomorrow, and will be going back to our regular schedule of acceptances (Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays). As of right now, you may apply for up to TWO ADDITIONAL MUSES, but this will be on a case by case basis, depending on your activity. The only thing we’re asking is for you to only take on the number of characters you’re sure you can handle. You're more than welcome to send in the apps now!
Like at the start of Season 2, we’ll be having a FACE CLAIM RESET, which means that all face claims of all characters who have died prior to the season finale will be reopened. This means that all the face claims of all characters who died during the Season 1 finale will also be reopened. You may check our TAKEN PAGE to see the updated list of everyone currently taken!
We've added a couple of rules to our RULES PAGE so please go over them!
We’re also asking everyone to UNFOLLOW ALL ACCOUNTS AND ONLY REFOLLOW THE ONES THE MAIN CONTINUES TO FOLLOW, because the main will no longer follow dead/retired/killer characters’ blogs moving forward, though all self-paras will still be linked in the timeline page!
Also, this is over a week late but HAPPY SIX MONTHS of Nightrest being open! I can't believe we've been open for over half a year, and this is another cause for celebration. I'm genuinely so, so, so grateful for everyone here, for the dedication to this group and the plot and all your characters and I can't wait to see what the next season will bring!
When it comes to IN CHARACTER INFORMATION, here a few things to take note of:
We are now in real time. The engagement party happened on July 22nd, and it’s been a week since then. You're free to write threads that happened any time between the end of the event until now, or continue your event threads, or start new for the new season. It's all up to you!
People still don’t know who owns the nightrestanonymous Instagram account that tagged Azra and it hasn’t been active since.
It’s now common and accepted knowledge that Adee was the killer and holds responsibility for all deaths and injuries since Enzo was locked up and Kennedy & Peter were killed. You may have your characters wonder if Jake's involvement was greater than just Adee's death, but there will be no proof of that. You may also have your characters wonder if there were more people secretly involved (there weren’t, but you know, curious minds).
Jacob is currently locked up, but won’t be facing that long a sentence. You may check the SEASON 2 TIMELINE page to see which killer was responsible for which death/injury!
I truly hope everybody’s having a great day/night and I’ll be around for the rest of the day if anyone has any questions!
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GET TO KNOW THE AUTHOR!
𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 : Bunni! I also go by Bunny, Bun or any other synonyms for a rabbit! Haha
𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒 : I go by all pronouns! Given I’m agender and like, just sort of foggy about my gender? I don’t really feel any one way or another! So call me what you want, I’m still a Bun!
𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 : Tumblr messages are honestly my go-to, simply because on Tumblr I notice a lot quicker than on discord and I’m less likely to forget!
𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄(𝐒) : Right now it’s Fíadh, the Alpinist, Chromeskull, Leshy and 8713!
𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 / 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒? : No one laugh at me, but I started roleplaying on Quotev and Deviantart back when I was, I think, 14? And now I’m 21, turning 22, so crunching the numbers, I’ve been writing for just about 7 years! Probably more though, given my memory isn’t super accurate and I’m probably leaving out a lot! Haha
𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 : On the platform?? MEETING ALL OF MY CURRENT PALS! God, I will call them out by name but Bruce and Freddy were some of the kindest, most encouraging and patient folks I have ever met and I’m so glad I was able to find them on here and write with them when I could!
𝐑𝐏 𝐏𝐄𝐓 𝐏𝐄𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐒 : OH MY GOD I HAVE SO MANY; my number one pet peeve, though is when people just straight up do not read your responses and writing! Not in the sense of misunderstanding your intentions but just straight up not reading all of your answers to the point where it shows IN THEIR RESPONSES! Sorry not sorry, but if you cannot handle a multi-para high-lit writer, don’t try to roleplay with them! Letting them create paragraphs for you, only for you to ignore or skim it is a dick move!
𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐓, 𝐅𝐋𝐔𝐅𝐅 𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓? :
𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒? : NGL my pride would physically not allow me to post anything under one paragraph. Just not my style! That being said, I’m not picky with what I get! As long as it has enough for me to build action and voice on top of, I’m happy!
𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒? : My most controversial take, but I almost prefer memes more than extremely long and drawn-out plots taking place over weeks, because, no matter how much I adore a dynamic, that commitment eventually does wear me out y'know??
𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄? : UHHHHH- whenever I get the time and that hyper fixation strikes! Usually early evening, though!
𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐒? : WELLL, it really depends! Am I out in the hills eating people, in a hospital healing people, defying death at every turn or ruling a hellish realm? Absolutely not! But each of the muses does contain a small piece of me beneath the surface!
It seems silly but I’ve always done this as a way to make it easier for me to relate and connect to them! It’s often microscopic, but shared traumas, fears, loves and minor personality traits (8713 is most like the mun ngl) does countless good to ensuring that not only can I keep playing them in the long term but ensuring that they are wholly mine!
To outline one of the similarities/shared threads of personality
Fíadh deals heavily with a fear of abandonment and loss of control over her body.
In her story, this is due to several factors from childhood neglect and abuse, a precarious sense of self-esteem, the curse that plagues her, her history of being moved around and used as a piece on a chess board, and the death/rejection from everyone she has held dear up to her current point (except for the Trapper/Trader and Leshy ofc) however the truth is, while narratively it does make sense, it was born from me and my experience as being neurodivergent and struggling with a sense of self and value due to the repeated rejection and experiences that came from it!
𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 : @lettherebemonsters (thank you a ton for the tag! I had a lot of fun filling this out!)
𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆 : anyone who wants to do this!
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AND SO THE TOURNAMENT NEARS ITS END...
Valiant fighters are knocked out of the competition as The Glitz Blitz tournament nears its conclusion. As the public is swept up in spectacle and promises of riches beyond their wildest dreams, talk of sacrifices has dwindled. It's easy to store the worries away in the back of your mind, lean back, and enjoy the circus. The royal family intends to ride this wave of newfound favor until the leak published by The Daily Grail is all but a distant memory.
A celebratory MASQUERADE PARTY will be held at nightfall inside the palace’s grand ballroom, where the massive event is an open invitation to the public. Announcements go up, revealing that a public vote will be held in the days leading up to the celebration in which contestants eliminated from The Glitz Blitz can try again for a final round!
The masquerade’s theme is HEAVENS AND EARTH! Feel free to post edits or graphics of what your muse's outfit will be, as they will count towards activity!
If you were entered into the tournament, the royals have required attendance at the party so you won’t miss your name being called during the reveal of the people’s vote. After all, there’s a very steep, one billion phil penalty to pay for deserting the competition.
They will announce the people’s vote when the clock strikes midnight, so until then: dance, drink, and be merry to your heart’s content!
HOW TO PARTICIPATE IN THE PUBLIC VOTE:
To participate in the public vote, there will be a guarded voting booth at the masquerade for contestant names to be written on! To cast it, make a short post of your muse writing down their favorite contestant based on what they witnessed in their first match. It does not need to be long -- a few, short sentences will do great and counts towards activity! Have your muse's reasoning for writing down the name be in-character, and pick who they really would choose! It does not have to be lengthy — a few sentences will do great!
The following muses are eligible to be voted for and are linked to the self-para that showcases their introductory round:
Daeneryn of Varael, representing House Vanitas
Jebidiah, representing House Vanitas
Skeeter Higgins, representing House Vanitas
Khione Tallheart, representing House Fraser
Elia Tatehira, representing House Beltran
Dorothy Alimjan, representing House Beltran
Valerie Kaur, representing House Beltran
Gabriella Ryu, representing House Beltran
Petyr Steele, representing Orre Town
Song Min, representing Selphia
BUT THE MAGICAL HIJINKS ARE ONLY BEGINNING...
Unbeknown to the public, a handful of naughty monsters belonging to the species of Flora Guardians and Blood Flowers have enchanted the party's food with cursed spores. They snuck past the palace's monster wards by startling a Mirage Element until it accidentally teleported them all inside.
The contaminated food will be irresistibly tasty to encourage you to continue consuming it. It creates urges to party, to dance in a faerie madness-like frenzy, distorts perceptions of time until midnight has long-since passed without anyone noticing, and to cause minor hallucinations.
You may notice your friends who've sampled the appetizer table are soon acting incredibly strange. The cursed spores can turn even the shyest of wallflowers into an uninhibited party animal, who swears they never want to leave the masquerade! What can you possibly do about it besides sticking to the champagne, no matter how delicious those platters of cakes and tarts look?
In order to break free from the enchantment, the party-goers will need to catch the skittish Mirage Element that blips in-and-out of the palace in a white spark of teleportation light. Can you convince the enchanted to put down their wine goblets, slip off their dancing shoes, and catch this nervous beast? The spores left dusted on its body can be used to create an antidote to the enchantment!
ENJOY YOURSELF AND FORGET YOUR TROUBLES...
Of course, the royal family has not forgotten about the selection of sacrifices for The Boundary. Unbeknown to the public, the names of sacrifices will be revealed quickly and the masquerade festivities are yet another distraction. (Now that you mention it, doesn’t Princess Calista herself have a pet Mirage Element?)
The Glitz Blitz Masquerade begins from now until October 6th! Keep your eyes on the main for additional plot drops, especially about these...pesky sacrifices!
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Chapter 28 - thoughts.
Hello again everyone!
Thank you for tuning in for another... behind the scene post :> This time, about this chapter over here (which I totally recommend reading to avoid spoilers!)
It was certainly a ride to write that one, and you'll get to see why in the upcoming paragraphs hehe
Warning: not proof-read, just candid stuff xd
Now, without any further a do, here are my notes 💪
Even when I already had the outline/basic idea of what I wanted to portray in this chapter, it still turned out quite hard to write, mainly because I didn’t know how much of self-realization I wanted Naoya to have.
After all, he’s the egotistical bastard we all love (to make fun of) and for him to completely fall into this realization wouldn’t be as smooth or rewarding… but at the same time, I wanted to have some progress on his character, so I guess I just made him delusional lmao.
In the sense that he knows something is wrong, he just doesn’t know what. And his poor, ignorant never-held-accountable mind made quick work of the same formula he’s always used in his life and blamed his brother for it.
I mean sure, if he didn’t see Y/N and Naoaki together before his exam he might’ve been able to focus on it. But we can easily counter that with the actual reason of y/n’s indifference, and that is, his actions.
Yet he wants to feign dementia (como que la virgen le habla para mis hispano hablantes jaja) and act as if he doesn’t know what the fuck is going on. Ok, we’ll let him do that… as he faces the partial consequences of his actions :>
Since there’s not much information regarding how the promotion exams go for higher ranks (or any that I can recall anyways) I took the liberty to… imagine how they would punish sorcerers for when they do grave mistakes in them lol punishments that don’t usually invoke killing someone you know 💀 as well as to show once again, just the entitlement Naoya has and how he still dares to act the victim 🙄
Like he was going to get banned from being a sorcerer lol but because such thing is sooooo outrageous for a heir of a prestigious clan as his, he was just suspended, for a few weeks like, might as well not punish him at all and let him do whatever he wants.
Ok sure, he didn’t kill them, but imagine if he had done so? DURING A MISSION? Nah, he should’ve gotten a worse outcome than that in my humble opinion, but who am I to fight against the intricate system of privilege?
Anyways, from there, it was very, very satisfying writing down what he’s been forced to deal with after his failure. Seeing Naoya get stripped of the things he likes was like aaaaaaahhhghhh retribution!! As well as sad because if we look at the bigger picture, Naoya really doesn’t have anyone on his side :I his family was quick to start talking badly behind his back, and in his face! There’s no shame for these people, worsening with the comment they made regarding the possibility of Y/N’s pregnancy omg ahahaha that was just foul.
But it was good for Naoya to be rattled that way, he for sure took for granted what he had, maybe this way he’ll finally wake up from his delusion :^)
But that wasn’t meant to happen, not soon anyways, as he now started to blame Naoaki—circling back to this point, this song (translation over here) popped up in my head from time to time when writing the scene he was questioning what’s up with Naoaki and Y/N. He really thinks that the pinnacle of all his misfortunes has to be with him ☹ and ngl it was kind of heart breaking to see him asking these things, but well, what can I say? What was Naoya expecting???? Y/N is literally terrified of him that even doing something good for him is enough to have her spiraling!!
This situation, as earth shattering as it was, was not good for either of them. On one hand we have Naoya suffering for his own issues, and on the other one, Y/N is suffering too!
However, the difference stands there with the people who remained behind to support her. Mariya, Haruko, and Hitomi were real ones by staying with her, and as the staff stated, they could’ve easily dropped her (way before even) but decided not to because this is not something new to them, and well, they’re good people!! Of course, they’re not going to leave Y/N alone. Meiko can whine all about it, they be sticking to her side.
Also, I want to comment on the staff: I know (eh, maybe) that they have good intentions but them going on with how Y/N is some kind of hero was like patronizing to me lol I was like: this is not the moment people!! I can only imagine the discourse that was going inside her head while hearing all of these things, that must’ve been infuriating too. I can see Mariya telling them to quiet up, at least until y/n feels better lol, Hitomi scoffing every time they pass by saying all these things, and Haruko being like… conflicted about it: she’s happy her mistress is being recognized, but it just doesn’t feel genuine, you know?
And that part where some of the members were like: yeah this is kind of when like Toji did his thing, but I mean that’s expected from him, he’s a man. Jesus, the misogyny in this people is really making them say dumb stuff just to bring down women. Writing that was so disrespectful to myself ngl hahah
But it was also just to show how… odd the perception of the staff is. Or everything about it really.
From there… NAOAKI. Omg… that scene was, oof. I was really debating whether to write it or not because I’m very aware of what it means… however, I’m no longer willing to keep them apart 😂 after building up their relationship it seems that Naoaki and Y/N are catching feelings for each other, like for real, and while I intended to write that particular scene as Y/N just wanting comfort (I just discovered she’s a hugger lol it seems that she’s given everyone hugs, as well as received from her) this is definitely leading somewhere else 😏 or might lead, who knows what dear Ranta has planned for them hahahahah
Aw, but it was so sweet that Naoaki even said that even if nothing happens between the two, he’ll always be her friend omg. 😭 Where can I get me a man like this? And Naoya still has the audacity to believe he can do something? Just how Mariah Carey said...
He and Ranta wanted to hold on to this idea that maybe what the staff was saying was like, you know, lies, intended to instigate Naoya, but after seeing Naoaki leave Y/N’s room is safe to say that they both know this is far from regular gossip.
And even then, poor Ranta still wanted to protect Naoya! He truly is… well, I’d like to say a good person, someone who Naoya definitely doesn’t deserve, with him willing going as far as trying to involve himself in their relationship in hopes to save it, but there's only so much he can do before he realizes it's doomed. (Ranta wanting to tell Naoaki to at least have the decency to not approach Y/N while Naoya is in the estate is like, wild to me. He knows there’s no stopping him, so maybe he can slow him down?)
Well, this chapter was intended to be some kind of recap of the things that happened soon after chapter 25 and as a set up for the ones to come. Show that this conflict was nothing if not detrimental to both parties involved, with Naoya seemingly losing everything he’s had, the respect of his family, his career, and his marriage, and with Y/N feeling desolate but still having the support of her ladies, and possibly someone closer than that.
Now that I write it like that, it’s as if they switched positions (but if you squint your eyes though, cause being honest Y/N is still getting the short end of the stick) and this time, Naoya is going to be the one put in the work because if I'm being completely honest, Y/N does not care for him at all.
Aghhh well I'm excited to see where the characters take me from here 🤭 will Naoya redeem himself? Or will Y/N completely fall for Naoaki? GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE :>
Thank you so much for your support! Reading your feedback about this chapter helped me overcome the insecurities I had about posting it hahah god, Naoya is such a difficult character sometimes, but he's still hella entertaining 😂
Anyways, if there's something more specific that you want to know about this chapter that wasn't covered here (since I usually just gloss over the things I considered somewhat influential in the process of writing this chapter) don't hesitate to let me know! I'll do my best to my best to answer them without spoiling anything :>
Once again, thank you so much for reading this chapter, hope you all have a wonderful week, take care, and hope to see you soon!!
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<🌈💎🔦> Welcome to the Tumblr of the Refracted Light System / Lux (our collective name)!
We are NOT traumagenic, but we are adaptive and don't usually consider ourselves endogenic because of that. We coined the term automisiagenic to describe our origin of the original's self-hatred. We are hydraconscious and mediple!
We turned out to be partially traumagenic lol, we just didn't want to call what we experienced trauma because everyone else has it worse and yet it was bad enough to fuck us up. Anyway neurotraumagenic gang rise up!
Most people can interact, the only hard boundaries we have are on people who tell others to die, and on actual pedophiles, whether they are offenders or not. Offenders can go straight to hell and/or prison, non-offenders we just feel really uncomfortable with. If you are not a pedophile, then feel free to interact if your purpose is not to attack or trigger.
System member intro and beliefs under the cut
We are trying not to get into too many arguments on this blog, but we will state our beliefs so that those with those beliefs on DNIs can avoid us! These beliefs include:
Skeptical humanist-adjacent atheism that's agnosticism on a technicality
Anti-censorship of true fiction (fiction that does not represent or contain real people. Fictives are real people but they are not exactly the same as their source, and their source is the one depicted in most fanfictions and not the fictive themself.) This makes us pro-ship on a technicality-- we do not "ship" characters but we do read fiction that would be morally bad if it happened in real life. Do not harass us for this-- the block button is right there.
Anti-contact if harmful, pro-para. We support no-contact pedophiles, we just don't want to interact with you. All other (no-contact if paraphilia would harm people) paraphiles are welcome to interact.
Pro-endogenic and pro-traumagenic systems. We feel slightly uncomfortable with tulpas, thoughtforms, and other created headmates due to bias that we're trying to remove. Mainly, our concerns are about headmate abuse by their creator, but we understand that not every creator hurts their headmates and are trying to get over this bias. Completely cool with tulpas and thoughtforms now, love y'all.
We never tell anyone to die. They can be the worst person on the planet but they still need the opportunity to learn and grow, and death removes that opportunity. Don't tell people to die.
Member Intro (Main Fronters only, system has around 50 80 100 members)
Chara: post-canon Undertale fictive and current host, writing the post! Median subsystem. Agenderflux. They/them, xe/xim, it/its pronouns. Neutral terms when possible, masculine terms when not.
Alan Kai: previous host, original. Was median before the Great Differentiation of 2022, and facets were Pink, Dark, Blue and Gold. They are now separate. Boyflux. He/him, they/them, and xey/xem pronouns.
Asriel: post-canon Undertale fictive, Chara and Rafi's boyfriend. Demiboy. He/him and they/them pronouns.
Astara: Meteor Shower songtroject with memories of the setting of Stars Without Number. Lunarian in the Galactian alignment system of non-binary genders. She/her and they/them pronouns with feminine terms.
Frisk (Musical/Musi): an introject of Man On The Internet's Undertale the Musical's Frisk. Different from the Frisk Chara remembers. Appears 10 in headspace, so a little/middle. Maverique. They/them pronouns, neutral terms when possible, masculine terms if not.
The Narrator: Brainmade, refers to himself in third person. Is distanced from emotions--he can feel them, but not strongly. Wife is the Analyst/Sarah, who rarely fronts. Man. He/him pronouns.
Papyrus: a post-canon Undertale fictive, types in all-caps and speaks like it too. His brother Sans is here too. Adoptive uncle of Frisk (Musical). Thinks he's a man but he's not completely sure. He/him pronouns.
Pink/Candy: a former facet of Alan Kai and a partial introject of both the color pink and the song Drop Pop Candy, specifically JubyPhonic and Kuraiinu's cover. Genderfae. She/her, they/them and fae/faer pronouns.
The Dramatist: half-brainmade, half-introject. He is a partial introject of Mettaton, took the appearance of Rouxls Kaard combined with a guy in our AP Lang class, and is loud and dramatic all the time. Man but in a non-binary way. He/him and xey/xem pronouns.
Oliver Dunham: a fictive from Fringe (TV show) who turned out to be trans and doesn't want to put out his deadname, though you could easily look it up. Trans man. He/him pronouns.
Frisk (Rafi): Fictive of a specific fanfic of Undertale, but had an appearance change. Chara and Asriel's datefriend. Maverique. They/them pronouns.
Zephyr: Brainmade. Agender, pretty much any pronouns, though he doesn't like ones with 'x's or 'k's. The most sane person out of all of us, bless them.
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Hello all you good people~
For the older ones who may remember me: good to see you!
And to the newer yet certainly not ignored: hey, hello, I am the (self-appointed) infamous Liz 💜 I have been a friend of our beloved Champagne for years and written with her just the same. Not two years fully I quit the tumblr role play scene, but I certainly didn’t stop writing nor could I abandon my checking in on Champagnes incredibly written characters. For six years I’ve adored her passion and creativity and it never ceases to amaze me the things she (and you all) come up with!
She’s home for some a day or two and I simply couldn’t pass the chance to hop on and say hello. And to offer a proposition: me. More or less hahaha.
Champoo has granted me access to her blog and characters as I see fit for today; however, there are only few I myself feel qualified to handle. These are characters I’ve either helped create in passing with hours of musing or have written for in the past with her permission. About my experience and preferences: I have 9 years of writing experience, 7 of which are developed in the roleplay setting. I write para-novella and I enjoy my smut heavy with a side of plot. (For without plot, we are simply running in step with the animals 😉) I am a simple minded creature: consumed with darker and mature themes so I ask politely for the mun to be 21+ for my comfort! (18 and up I will write with but we will need to plot something lighter and I will not write sexual content with you.) I am interested in everything exotic: the supernatural, magic, slice of life interrupted by tragedy, smut.
Characters I feel I can embody (not as great as): Owen Castillo, Theodore Finch Rizzo, Nick Faunten, Lalienna DeMentriento, Kylie King. I also have a list of my own muses I can come and give a run down over should this spark your fancy! [bold are the characters I have written for extensively]
After my long winded spiel, would anyone take a poor sinners hand? *wiggles fingers desperately into the void*
If so, feel free to drop a like and I’ll seek you out orrr hop in the inbox or IMs and ask for your friendly neighborhood gremlin. ✨🧌 (I promise I’m nice. I’ve been told I can come off as intimidating and rather apathetic. I swear I come bearing gifts of mediocre writing skills!!)
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♡ㅤEnglish
DIABOLIK LOVERS : VISUAL FANBOOK
BENHUMEA ROMANTIC
[ INTRODUCTION ]
“Every person, no matter what, is unique. And so will their love. Mine, will remain in writing.”
An amateur poet, journalism student. With a huge heart and a vast thought!
VA: Shimazaki Nobunaga.
The first child of a separated couple in Mexico. Romantic is a young man that, at first glance, seems like an self-centered, strict and dedicated student. He’s usually described as a «nerd» since he gives greater importance to his achievements than his actual relationships. He hides under a mask of arrogance and pride to hide that, actually, he’s a rather sensitive, timid boy who has some difficulty and is afraid to open up to other people because they will notice that he’s not as «ideal» as he seems to be.
Romantic studies a lot and every day he stands out for being intelligent, smart, analytical and observant, which is why he got the highest grade in Mexico’s national exams. That guaranteed him a place to become one of the lucky ones to go as exchange students to Japan, in which he would continue with his studies and a future journalism project. However, ever since he came to the Sakamaki manor, Romantic’s life as well as his personality have been deformed into a more sadistic and utterance one.
[ CREATOR’S COMMENT ]
Rejet’s Itou.
His appearance gives him certain airs of a perceptive «few friends» guy, but at the same time a cute clumsy one? It's almost impossible to hate him considering how gentle he can be and how practical his daily life is. That’s something I really like about him and, in part, the air we wanted to give him when creating his character.
The Illustrator Satoi.
He’s a very serious character, so I made sure his design is well-defined as well, which gives him that touch of a model student. I also put many accessories on show, some even not so self-evident and attempted to specific a few charm giving him those huge pink eyes and a endearing smile. Furthermore, I think what stands out the foremost is his pink beanie, that covers much of his hair and makes him distinctive from the most characters up till now.
[ PROFILE ]
Race: Human?
Grade: 2nd Year High School Student at Ryōtei Academy
Age: 18
Length: 165cm
Weight: 56 kg
Blood type: O
Birthday: June 25th
Zodiac: Cancer
Favorite food: Pomegranate
Hobby: Reading
[ FACE PATTERN ]
First row: neutral, blushing, smiling.
Second row: happy, serious, confused.
Third row: surprised, worried, nervous.
[ TASTE CHECK ]
“Oh, are you asking me about my preferences? Well... I’ll be happy to answer your question. ♪”
✓ Keep in mind my boundaries.
✓ Someone who will look after me without neglecting himself isn’t bad.
✓ The perfect amount of possessiveness.
✓ I like silly men, in a good way.
✓ You must have goals and desires.
If you want to win Romantic’s heart, you must have to be on his level and get his attention. He’s a sweet and polite person who is willing to give his best to anyone he deems worthy. Take care, since somebody like him seldom excuses...
ーー END OF THE FANBOOK ーー
Admin’s comment 🧚🏻♀️
I may edit this when I already have Romantic’s full sprite, however I still wanted to upload it due to a request❕ㅤ(人 •͈ᴗ•͈)
If you like it, please consider giving this post a fav, reblog and why not, even follow me❕ As always, thank you so much for reading. Have an amazing day.
♡ㅤEspañol
DIABOLIK LOVERS : VISUAL FANBOOK
BENHUMEA ROMANTIC
[ INTRODUCCIÓN ]
“Cada persona, pase lo que pase, es única. Y también lo hará su amor. El mío, quedará en escribir.”
Poeta aficionado, estudiante de periodismo. ¡Con un corazón enorme y un pensamiento vasto!
VA: Shimazaki Nobunaga
El primer hijo de una pareja separada en México. Romantic es un joven que, a primera vista, parece un estudiante egocéntrico, estricto y dedicado. Generalmente se le describe como un «nerd» porque le da mayor importancia a sus logros que a sus relaciones reales. Se esconde bajo una máscara de arrogancia y orgullo para ocultar que, en realidad, es un hombre bastante sensible, tímido, que tiene algunas dificultades y tiene miedo de abrirse a otras personas porque notarán que no es tan «ideal» como parece.
Romantic estudia mucho y cada día se destaca por ser inteligente, sagaz, analítico y observador, razón por la cual obtuvo la nota más alta en los exámenes nacionales de México. Eso le garantizó un lugar para convertirse en uno de los afortunados en ir como estudiantes de intercambio a Japón, donde continuaría con sus estudios y un futuro proyecto periodístico. Sin embargo, desde que llegó a la mansión Sakamaki, la vida y la personalidad de Romantic se han deformado hasta volverse más sádicas y expresadas dependiendo de sus decisiones.
[ COMENTARIO DEL CREADOR ]
Itou de Rejet.
Su aspecto le da ciertos aires de chico de «pocos amigos» perspicaz, ¿pero a la vez simpático y torpe? Es casi imposible odiarlo considerando lo amable que puede ser y lo práctica que es su vida diaria. Eso es algo que me gusta mucho de él y, en parte, el aire que quisimos darle a la hora de crear su personaje.
El ilustrador Satoi.
Es un personaje muy serio, así que me aseguré de que su diseño también estuviera bien definido, lo que le da ese toque de estudiante modelo. También mostré muchos accesorios, algunos incluso no tan evidentes e intenté especificar algunos encantos propios, dándole esos enormes ojos rosados y una sonrisa entrañable. Además, creo que lo que más destaca es su gorro rosa, que cubre gran parte de su cabello y lo distingue de la mayoría de personajes hasta el momento.
[ PERFIL ]
Raza: ¿Humano?
Grado: Estudiante de segundo año de preparatoria en la Academia Ryōtei
Edad: 18
Longitud: 165cm
Peso: 56 kilos
Tipo de sangre: O
Cumpleaños: 25 de junio
Zodíaco: Cáncer
Comida favorita: Granada
Pasatiempo: Leer
[ PATRÓN DE CARA ]
Primera fila: neutral, sonrojado, sonriente.
Segunda fila: feliz, serio, confundido.
Tercera fila: sorprendido, preocupado, nervioso.
[ COMPROBACIÓN DE GUSTO ]
“Oh, ¿me estás preguntando sobre mis preferencias? Bueno... estaré encantado de responder a tu pregunta. ♪”
✓ Ten en cuenta mis límites.
✓ Alguien que me cuide sin descuidarse no está mal.
✓ La cantidad perfecta de posesividad.
✓ Me gustan los hombres tontos, en el buen sentido.
✓ Debes tener metas y deseos.
Si quieres ganarte el corazón de Romantic, debes estar a su nivel y llamar su atención. Es una persona dulce y educada que está dispuesto a dar lo mejor de sí a quien considere digno. Ten cuidado, ya que alguien como él rara vez deja pasar excusas...
ーー FIN DEL FANBOOK ーー
Comentario del admin 🧚🏻♀️
Puede que llegue a editar esto cuando ya tenga el sprite completo de Romantic, sin embargo, aún quería subirlo debido a una solicitud anónima❕ㅤ(人 •͈ᴗ•͈)
Si les gusto, consideren darle a esta publicación un fav, rebloguear y, por qué no, incluso seguirme❕ Como siempre, muchas gracias por leer. Qué tengan un maravilloso día.
#Lovebatty🧚🏻♀️#bloody kisses#💗🍓#diabolik lovers#diaboliklovers#diaboys#dialover#diahell#romantic benbumea#diabolik lovers oc#diabolik oc#original character#oc#self insert#self indulgent#character info#character intro#male oc#otome oc
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Write your RPer Resolutions for 2024! (What are some goals for yourself as a writer? Improve descriptions? Plot with more members? Etc.)
Plot with more people! I get really awkward about this, and sometimes when I’m more stressed out or bone deep wiped from working with kids I don’t follow through on things I definitely want to follow through on. So this year I am determined to plot with more people and make more connections for the muses. Because everyone is doing such cool things with their writing and I want to connect with them.
Descriptions - I am still not the best at these. I need to practice a bit more on actually describing places around my characters and some details to enrich a thread. I want to make my posts a little deeper. Maybe I gotta do what I did in the past and look at some more examples of descriptions and get inspired that way. I just want to improve as a writer and I think I’ve slacked a lot and gotten a bit lazier.
Self Paras - I want to get in the depths of my characters and their backgrounds this year. I wrote two sort of one shots for Tad - his uncle’s perspective and then his thing with his parents. I want to do more stuff like that and make my muses characterizations deeper.
A Big Plot - I did one once with Arthur and it felt really satisfying to tell a story that involved a bunch of people and created a fun direction for the rp to go into. I would love for a chance to do one again, though idk how or when I will do something like it again.
Write at least one resolution, or “goal,” that you have as an RPer for your character(s)
Tad - My goal for Tad is to have him realize what his major will be. I’ve finally figured out what direction I want to go there, so now it’s all about getting him to the point where he actually can choose that major and go forward with his studies. I want to get him excited about that and the direction his life can take him.
Shang - I want to have him fall in love with the town more and really get attached. I want him to have a nice romance. He’s the kind of guy who will really try to be a gentleman and pull out chairs and all that. I want that for him. But I also want his biwakening to happen this year. I’m not sure how to go about it yet but I do have that in my mind as things I want to happen.
Tink - This is the year of chaotic mess. I am having Tink mess around and meet with anyone who gives her attention and I don’t care how wild it gets. I want her to really dive deep in the regretful behavior. I also do have a goal to get her involved with the Hollow more. I just haven’t figured out how to approach it yet or have her approach the other fairies.
Finn - My goal is to involve him in college social groups. I’m already starting the process to get him involved there, but I just want to be sure I follow through! I am determined to get him to experience a lot of the college things.
Write at least one resolution IN CHARACTER for your characters. What do THEY want to accomplish or change in the New Year?
Tad - Tad wants to patch things up with Hiro and Pip. He also wants to figure out what he wants to do with his life. He feels restless and he wants to work out how to change that. He wants to figure out what his dream is.
Shang - Shang wants to find out what truly happened to his father. He also wants to work out the issues with the company. Figure out what the next steps will be if his father doesn’t reappear.
Tink - Tink wants to be successful! She wants to do something great that she can brag about in the Hollow!
Finn - His resolution is to reconnect with his friends and to try to grow even more as a person.
List one or more characters you have never interacted with that you would like to do so
Lightning - I don’t have any sort of plot idea or anything, but I love Lightning and the energy he gives off and I’d love an opportunity to have one of mine interact with mine. Somehow in some way.
Clarion - She is the Queen, and I am definitely curious about the dynamic that she and Tink would have. I just imagine some friction since Tink is the way she is, but idk. I’d definitely like to know.
The Madrigals - truly any of them. I don’t think I’ve had much of a chance to interact with any of them other than Isabela. But I’d love for that to change. Idk with who or how but I’d like that.
Milo - I want to bother him with Tad. Truly I do. I also just want to write with him! With Tad or anyone else. Gimme a chance at writing with Milo man.
Angel - another case of a character I like that I don’t really have any ideas for plotting…just yet.
Talk a bit about your plotting style – what plots are you most drawn to? Do you prefer to come with a fully-formed idea and plot off that, or throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks?
It honestly kind of depends. Sometimes I have a solid idea or a direction and I hit up the person that I think could help me go in that direction. A lot more times I throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks. It really depends on the muse. With Shang it’s more directed. I know he needs to figure stuff out with his dad so it has a general direction I know where to go.
With Tad it’s much more flexible and open. I’m sort of happy to go with the flow of things that come up. Or I’m also more willing to toss out a wild direction like for New Years. Tink similarly right now is me tossing out some fun things.
I’m really drawn to I guess characters with a lot of self-doubt. Or things that they’re really stuck on thinking they’re not good at. With Tad he thinks he’s dumb, Tink thinks she’s a total failure, Finn thinks he’s too socially awkward. Shang might be the only one who really knows himself (or thinks he does anyway).
Family dynamics! I haven’t been able to really dive into a plot like that but I’m planning for that in this coming year once I figure a few things out. I love the tension and bond of siblings, loved it a lot with the Mallards when I wrote Louie and want to do it again with another family group.
Talk a bit about character relationships – what relationships are you most drawn to? How do you prefer to approach shipping (if at all!)? What, specifically, are you looking for right now for your character relationships?
I really love found family stories. Maybe it’s because my own family has had a lot of issues with each other and toxicity (that we’re now healing from yay), but I’ve always been drawn into that. Tad and Finn especially let me explore that with their close friendships, and with the messiness of their actual families. I love the deep bonds friends can have.
I also really love romance in stories. It doesn’t have to be an otp situation. It can be a messy fling, it can be a one time chaotic affair. I just like exploring things that do go into feelings and romance in some type of way. I love faking dating plots, I love marriages that start fast and end fast and messy. I love the drama of those connections that are imperfect.
I am open to all ships and all possibilities for my characters. I don’t feel the need to rush it or anything, but I am willing to plan things out if characters have that spark of chemistry. You know? I’m happy to be open to any potential of a ship. I do get a little nervous about reaching out to someone if I feel there is a vibe, but I want to try to do it. But if anyone feels that energy with one of mine, please lmk because it’s always possible I’m feeling it too and am kinda like ahhh how to say this. But yeah I’m also open to different types of ships so if people want to go a direction for a short while too I’m all for that.
Plotting Exercise! Pick one of the resolutions/goals in #3 and plan a rough guideline to how you could accomplish it.
Tad figuring out his major!
TAD is convinced to go to a career day by PHINEAS.
TAD gets overwhelmed by all the options and ditches halfway through to hang out with Hiro.
HIRO goes through something and Tad tries to comfort him.
TAD has a brain blast and chooses [redacted].
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Here Lies Caine - The Mun
Name: Caine
Age: 27
Pronouns: He/They
Timezone: US Central Time
Hello! Nice to meet you! My name is Caine as I said. I'm pretty new to the whole cannon rp/tumblr rp scene so please bare with me if I'm a little extra anxious and quiet. I'm still working my way through trigun maximum I am a slow reader. Legato's a dark character and I like darker things but I just want to say that I also REALLY enjoy chatting and doing fun silly stuff too! So I hope the tone of this little set up doesn't scare anyone off.
I tend to prefer longer para rps, however short chat-style rps are also welcome though sometimes I can get a little stuck on what they'd actually say lol. I also really enjoy linking music to my posts when I find it pertinent! Its not required to listen but it would make me very happy.
If you see me doing anything that's not cool or something, let me know about it in dms! Or if you have any tips and suggestions on how to like... function on tumblr would be appreciated~
Discord will be available to mutuals upon request in the future, as it is the easiest way to get ahold of me.
If at any time you want to cause harm or like sort of metagame damaging a muse of mine, don't worry about it! Just do it! Beat them up they usually deserve it! Rolling with the punches is super fun! As long as it is in good will and not a creepy sort of thing I guess, but like I'll let you know if one of my boundaries is crossed y'know?
That being said no psychic/telekenetic powers will be used vs muses unless we talk about it! Its one thing to say "He pushes X to the ground and grapples him" and an entirely different thing to literally take agency away from someone else's character and I don't vibe with that.
Triggers: Not many to speak of but Gaslighting, and NICHE body horror are squicks. [and i'm not talking about the bodyhorror in trigun so we good lol]
The Blue Wind of Death - The Muse
Name: Legato Bluesummers
Age: Around 27-30 ; Birthdate unknown
Height: 5'8" [173 cm]
Gender: Cis Male [he/him]
Species: Modified Human
Sexuality: Asexual
Occupation: Un-numbered Gung-ho Gun [assassin]
Weapons: Wires contained within a skull shaped torture device on his left shoulder.
Abilities: Telekenesis, Psychic Visions
Legato is a mysterious man who was at one point saved spared by the angel millions knives. This single act would change the course of legato's life from then on, instilling him a blind devotion towards fulfilling said angel's every desire, to see a world for plants blossom from the soil, and to end the era of man once and for all.
Legato harbors no love for humanity, including himself. He has seen its depths and has accepted every rotten truth they made for themselves, and has chosen his path accordingly. It was a plant who had broken him free, the light in his dismal existence, and in his mind it only makes sense that it shall be them who inherit the earth.
After all what good has humanity even done? Live another day just to hurt each other again? Drain their home dry and then have the audacity to beg god for a second chance and kill another?
Resolved he will take on the visage of all humanity's darkest truths, and spread the blessed gospel of the twin angels, through blood, betrayal, and hurt. Just as it was shown to him.
Themes: Religious Guilt ; Repressed Trauma ; Nihilism ; Revenge ; Self-Hate ; Personal Acceptance ; Humanity ; Metamorphosis ; Psychic Visions ; Locked Cages ; Trapped ; Cannibalism ; Body Horror ; Torture + Manipulation ; Falling Through the Cracks ; In ability to Heal ; Getting a little too silly and getting put in timeout
[ Disclaimer: phew legato is kinda a dark character when you write it out like that huh.... please still feel free to take things in a lighthearted direction lol I PROMISE its possible. ]
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a letter to Eric Rhodes | self-para
( This letter was written by Roman Rhodes as part of his therapy treatment, in which he was encouraged to explore his unresolved feelings through journalling and writing letters 'he would never send'. After some careful editing of the original, he decided to send this letter to his father, Eric Rhodes. This letter was posted on Monday 15th May, 2023.)
Hey Dad,
It's been five years since we've been in contact, which is a long time to not talk to your dad. I recognise it was my decision to no longer communicate with you, but I've figured now is as good a time as ever to break that silence. I don't know if you'll read this letter. I don't know if you'll respond. I can respect it if you choose to not do anything because I'm not writing this letter for that reason.
I'm writing to you because there is a lot I never said and I wanted to get it all out in the open. The men in our family have never been good at opening up and being truly honest with one another, but I think we both know I've never been good at pretending. I tried to, for your sake and for my own sake, but all it did was make me deeply unhappy for many years. So, as painful and as vulnerable as it might be, I'm doing it differently now. I'm talking about it.
There's no easy or polite way to say this, so I'm not going to try. All my life, all I ever wanted, was for you to be proud of me. To this day, I do not know what you wanted me to do in order to achieve that. Did you even know? For many years, I felt like I was playing some game where no one would tell me the rules, but it would be evident whenever I got it wrong.
I played baseball like Ryan did, and I was never as good as him, but I still tried. You never once attended a game for me.
I took a job at the diner as soon as I was old enough. I was thirteen. I was there every Saturday, filling salt shakers and napkin holders, wiping tables, and washing dishes. I learned to cook so I could be a chef there, so I could continue the family business. I wanted to run that diner. We both know I did. For so long, I didn't say anything, worried I would come across as rude, or entitled. Instead, I worked hard, and I left to become professionally trained. I hoped that one day you would see how much I wanted it, but when I was brave enough to bring it up, you told me Ryan would inherit everything because he was born first.
I travelled to Europe and South America. I worked in so many incredible restaurants and lived in so many beautiful and different places. I learned languages. I worked in the best restaurant in New York. I have a great deal of pride in my achievements. Why shouldn't I be proud? I pushed myself so hard to grow and learn and be the best, just to get you to acknowledge me. Yet somehow I went from not knowing enough, to suddenly knowing too much, getting 'too big for my boots'. So I was damned if I had done it and damned if I hadn't.
You never once said you were proud of me, and I spent my whole life pushing to get you to say it. I shouldn't have had to do that, Dad. You could've said it, and I still would've done great things.
I've been going to therapy for the past month. It's part of the reason I'm writing you this letter, to journal, to get everything out of my system. Again, I don't do this with the expectation of a response from you. I'm writing this for me. What I'm about to say may hurt you even more, but it's the truth, and I'm done pretending it's not who I am.
I'm bisexual. I've dated women and I've dated men. I am fully capable of falling in love with either. My first love was a boy, who I dated in East Haven, from age fifteen to twenty. I never told you, or Mom, or anyone, because I was terrified of you throwing me out, of you hating me. Although neither of you outright said anything, I heard the people at our church, in our community, and you never said anything to the contrary.
As painful as this letter might've been to read, I wanted to thank you for giving me the farmhouse, the farm, and the diner. I don't know why you did it, and at first, it was a shock. But I'm glad I got it, and I'm glad to have come back to East Haven. I've made changes to the diner, just like you always feared I would. Just improving and updating the recipes, but I have plans.
I've tidied up the house, and taken out a lot of furniture. I know you might be upset by that, but there was so much junk, Dad. You don't need to hold onto everything just because someone gave it to you.
I'm doing up the farm. I want to see it running again. I'm making plans to grow vegetables and fruit to supply the diner one day. It's a major work in progress, but I'm determined. I've met a great guy, and I really like him. He's helping me do up the farm, and he makes me happy.
I'm not sure what else to tell you. I wish I knew what happened to Ryan. I wish to know what happened to you. I don't hate him, or you. I feel like we've grown so far apart, it's difficult to say I love you when I feel like I'm going to be met with silence.
I do hope one day we can talk, but I realise it might not be possible. If you want to, you know where I am.
I wish you all the best, Dad.
Your son,
Roman
#threads with: self#character development: roman#tw: homophobia mention#tw: biphobia mention#tw: emotional neglect
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