strokesandscribbles
Strokes and Scribbles
my scattered mind💜♠️she/her | 90's kiddo
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You get old and understand why people wanna die.
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Envious of people who live boldy, loudly and freely.
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Chat, coffee and cake! ✨
04/13/24
had a chance to participate in a docu shoot of one of my new-found friends from the ace community. she's a film major who decided to make asexuality her subject for her uni project. me and another fellow ace friend got to talk about asexuality and share personal experiences as an ace. Chat, coffee and cake. Had lots of fun today!
Love this new friendship from this community, who I just met 2 weeks ago after the ace in-person hangout. It's so comforting to find safe spaces like this and meet people you resonate with. I'm learning a lot from them as well.
> inserting the lovely cresent moon 🖤🩶🤍💜
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Dear self, you are valued. You don't have to wait for people to tell you that. You don't have to do things you don't want to just to hear people saying that. Because you are.
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24/03/24
the golden hour and a full moon 🥹
I'm so happy I went outside and get to see this, really calming.
n.p - Expressions by Helena Jane Long
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tired of hearing
"stop dreaming"
taking away that one free thing
will it happen? it doesn't really matter
but could you just let me wonder?
and own these seconds of glee
i'll picture things has come for me
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👩🎨Marysya Rudska
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who cares?
we're all gonna die.
after a some years,
no one's gonna remember you
all the people who knew you
they'd be gone too
so fck it
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Life is still a whirlwind.
Idk living alone and being with your thoughts all the time can be a lil dangerous.
Idk how many times I cried this week; in the middle of the day, in the shower, after work, before going outside.
I feel like I need to get a pet for company. big decision, but I don't feel like getting one just for the sake of it. I know how a work it is to have one.
But yeah, still figuring a lot. It's endless. It's madness. It's happiness. It's full of frckn surprises.
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Life admin is so tiring. Sometimes you'll just stare at the ceiling and think if this is all there is. It's a cycle and you got to find fun somewhere in there. Like really try hard to find and maintain it. Sometimes I wish to be a house plant instead. 🌱
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i wanted to tell you a lot of things but i could not. 'cause i know how you would react. you will judge me for how i feel, for how i see things. i've always been reminded of when you would get mad at me when i was younger. when there was no other way to do things but yours.
you never encouraged me to speak up nor sit and talk about my feelings. those movie scenes, do they really happen? i can't help but feel sad, jealous, feel bad. but deep inside i know it's too much of me to ask. when i don't even know if you've ever had something like that, if you even know that.
i'm sorry. i know it's your first time living life too. we don't get to have a trial period to do best the next time. i can't ask for too much and we don't get to have everything we want on here but i like to close my eyes and think you are here talking to me like my bestest friend.
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2 months ago I fell into this whole coffee rabbit hole. was never a fan cuz of palpitations until a previous co-worker, who would make handmade coffee for everyone, gave me a cup and I thoroughly enjoyed it, without having any unpleasant effects afterwards. then i gave preparing my own cup a try.
lost of youtube videos, blogs, reddit tips and recos, next thing i know, i'm already buying coffee making tools. the cost, the dedication and patience you need to get your own perfect cup. this is like troubleshooting a computer to me. lmao. also the thought of preparing coffee for the fam sounds exciting. bye 3 in 1 coffee and hello better healthier option.
loving the process. i'm learning a lot. makes me want to try other things i'm not usually inclined to.
will be getting a moka pot next week cuz noob me accidentally bought fine grounds last holiday which is not so nice for pour over. definitely need to look into these things more. 😅
on a side note, i woke up to 19 degrees today. this was the december vibes like decades ago but now it's january. crazy. earth be still for us hoomans. tho we suck, it serves us right. but pls🥶
also, also, i bought books yesterday at bookspineph book sale, just randomly scheduled a time to visit and scored 3 agatha christie titles (newly added to the collection 😍) and 2 philo reads after 2 hours of digging lmao. 1kg of books for like about $4. i'd say my time off well spent.
went home on a terrible traffic as per usual, but saw the first full moon of the year. magnificent beaut. tho wasn't able to take a photo cuz i was too conscious to take my phone out and pause. lmao idk i would usually do it, but well we be too lazy sometimes. i just kept gazing at it on my way. def brought me some positive spirit. 🌕
🎧np: someday we'll know on repeat cuz it was a walk to remember movie 22nd anniv. 🥹 btw i'm at my parent's home, hugged our dog too tight. missed him big time.
- stin
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Today...
I did some errands. Decided to step into the light after a week lmao. I miss the sun. Then there was a terrible traffic due to a feast celebrated in this town which I am unaware of. So the bus ride took almost 2 hours of me listening to music and catching up on murder, mystery and make-up which I would probably re-listen cuz my mind was flying throughout the whole ride.
I couldn't stop thinking. For a moment I was spiraling and I had to stop myself.
I got to the mall to check on moka pot but there was none. Looked at some workout clothes which I don't really need cuz I just bought last year so I had to convince myself to get out of the store.
There were fewer book selections in the place's Nat'l Bookstore. I was a bit sad. I saw this wanting-to-die-and-eat-korean-food book which I sent a pic to my sis. lmao. Book titles we can feel.
First time eating at Wangfu, which I thought was a Singaporean restaurant but is actually a Singaporean-Chinese restaurant, I just searched it rn. I was so confused while I was there. lmao
First time trying Hakaw, it's actually good. Satay was a bit salty for me, should've put the calamansi while eating there, I only did when I ate the leftover I took home.
Normal Chinese food taste (for me). Good, bit greasy, kinda salty. Might not eat Chinese food for the meantime. I don't hate it. It's just that I grew up eating Chinese food that it's a bit typical for me now, sometimes maybe even dull. Lmao. I don't why. I also have a friend who dislikes eating a local delicacy her family used to serve all the time when she was a kid. Cuz it's like she's been eating that for too long. Lmao. How do science explain this? I guess we just get too tired of the taste. maybe?
Why I grew up eating Chinese food? Cuz my dad was a chef for Chinese restaurants for years. He used to bring take-outs and also cooks at home. I am so familiar with the taste.
Anw, I did laundry when I got back, then ate. Then prepared for bed and saw this on my feed.
Let me cry some happy hopeful tears. *butterfly hugging myself*
still grateful for everyday despite everything.
np: one and only by adele (spotify shuffle algorithm-ing lol) gotta sleep now, work later 😶🌫️
- istin
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feeling like the biggest loser. back to living alone at my parent's old house, the neighborhood got crowded, there were less people here when we stayed some 2 decades ago. neighbor smokes like 7x a day, i might die at any moment now from lung disease. I'm exaggerating cuz it's that bad. but wish they go before me. lmao jk not jk
me with the allergies:
i need to have like 2 part-time and more gigs aside from my full-time work. i'm tired of all this adulting like can i just evaporate? i'm basically a wreck, unlucky to have sucky neighbors, need to chase money, in a cult but is still stuck, wants to move to my own place soon, most of my meal is bread and biscuits for the past 2 days, loosing appetite, excitement for cooking left the door, i just want to binge on netflix docu series but can't cuz I'm not a wealthy man's daughter and have to make profit of time instead of killing it.
i don't want to find myself here next year, this should be different by then. last year was the year of realization and clarify. it's the work-it-out-beech phase now. i wish the cosmos sends me good luck. 😭
p.s. i keep checking out books live selling on an online app, like i can't resist. this is such a distraction. man i just had a thought that all sadness people feel, they just get to their phone and go in socials, internet to forget everything. damn placebo effect. this world is scary, even ourselves is scary.
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it's almost the end of the year...
can't believe i'm still here. what a roller coaster of emotion. glad quarter life crisis is on a downtime at the moment, will it withdraw soon? idk. hope so since a lot of things have already made sense to me this year. tho i'm still confused most of the time. life be playing mind games. but for the most part, it was a great run. and here we are about to close a chapter. are we ready for the next? not sure. i believe most adults are too tired of life in general and that includes me. that doesn't sound so positive but hey I get to spend another year learning from a lot of things. i think that's a win.
biggest lesson this year:
letting go—of thoughts, habits, feelings, people—so we grow. you cannot expect growth without change. as difficult as it is i've learned to accept this fact and see it as a normal life task. it's all part of it. the laughter, the tears, some days a winner, some a loser, hello's and goodbye's. it's all part of the process. we learn from the past and we keep on learning as we go. we learn and let go. or let go and learn. idk if that makes sense. my brain is mush right now.
but here's to 2023 and all the self discovery. and to all coming days i'd be blessed to see! ✨🥂
*dear universe, if you would allow me to see more of life's beauty behind all misery.*✨
#thoughts#new year#2024#20 something#the greng jai piece#tour#the eras tour movie#life#lessons#goodbye 2023#love#faith#notbuk ni tin#living alone
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