stellarevening - Tumblr blog

stellarevening · 4 days

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My best friends childhood dog died today.

He stopped breathing yesterday, she says — closed his eyes as his tail fluttered down for the last time —

But to me, he died today.

Never before have I knocked at her door without the sound of frantic barking greeting me from beyond the smooth wood.

This is the first time I have stood barefoot on her hardwood kitchen floor and he has not been there to lick my ankles.

I sit on her carpet and no toy is dropped in my lap.

He was not my dog, but where did he go?

He has existed only in fragmentary moments of my life, ceasing to be when I step back onto her porch,

So for me, he died today.

The house feels smaller, somehow, and suddenly I am eighteen years old and done growing.

There is no dog to star in our musical skits or to steal our legos.

He will not yowl along when she sings me happy birthday, nineteen fast approaching behind my eyes.

Thank you for holding on, Boo. You saw us both to adulthood. You were not my dog but I have loved you all the same.

-E

#spilled ink #poetry #boo radley

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stellarevening · 24 days

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Evil Mitski be like “A fish named warm water”

#mitski #brainrot.txt

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stellarevening · 2 months

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In the dying light of the campfire I place your palm against mine As I lean over and kiss your cheek So gently, as I begin to cry.

How can I walk this fine line between betraying and loving you? I need you to know what I would say at your funeral. The way the air in my lungs would be too heavy And I’d have to slump against the podium.

For now, I see you in all the familiar places. There was a before you, And there will be an after you — This much I have always known.

I don’t hate men, But god, it’s hard to love them.

-E

#poetry

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stellarevening · 2 months

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My friend hates poetry and sees it as a complete waste of time, so fed-up with Shakespeare’s nonsensical ramblings and fifteenth-century lyric poetry that he despises the art in its entirety.

How do i explain to him that he is a poet? In what manner can i detail out that the way in which his hair brushes across his forehead, or the way he pulls me across the sidewalk, is in itself a poem?

The lengthy texts i receive where he says he can’t find the words (and finds them anyway, in metaphors) and the long glances he casts at me until i feel his eyes and look up remain so wholly poetic they can’t be mistaken for anything else.

He has become what he hates and i am so sorry, but i would rather read this poem than any other. We are not a poem yet, but we could be.

-E

#poetry

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stellarevening · 2 months

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I want to know the world in the same way I know how your eyelashes fall across your cheek

Every month I begin learning something new only to abandon it

Hoping for a freedom that will never arrive

And when I hold your hand all I can feel is the promise of fear when I take these steps

Wondering if this will be another interest I leave to time.

-E

#poetry #love

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stellarevening · 2 months

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The other day I noticed your lips were chapped and I wanted to offer you my chapstick, or suggest you drink water, or kiss you -- but that would be weird so I didn't.

I am so afraid of ruining this tender, gentle thing we have, this barely-there, hardly-noticeable fragment of peace that I keep nestled close to my rib cage where it slices into my skin like a knife.

You shine so brightly that I can feel when you enter a room, can sense the sway of all the molecules in the universe as you inch ever closer to my side -- as if they've shifted to make space for the sheer size of your presence.

You are the sun — warm and reviving and infinitely beautiful, But I am pale and will burn up inevitably. I want you, I love you, I know you love me too. But how can I regret what I've left unsaid when I am so happy with what I have?

When does a moment turn into a life? A sliver into a whole? I'd do whatever you asked me to, you know. I am yours in every sense of the word.

-E

#poetry #love #we are just friends

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stellarevening · 2 months

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I dug my fingers into the soft flesh of my chest, nails finding their way into the plush crevice as I broke apart my rib cage like two halves of an orange. As if I had opened a door, my heart flew out -- I am free.

-E

#poetry #oranges

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stellarevening · 2 months

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In another universe, I wasn't so careful; I did all those things I was too afraid to do. I joined a book club, I overcame my stutter, and I kissed the vanilla off your lips when you looked at me that hot August day. How can I forgive myself for what I let go? I have stood still for too long.

-E

#poetry #summer

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stellarevening · 2 months

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Yearbook Signature

It's been so nice getting to know you!

You've always existed in my peripherals, but this was the first year I realized you didn't actually hate me. I wish I had known you sooner, we have a lot in common. Do you think we could have been friends, in another universe?

You've always been so wonderful, it was great having you in my classes.

I read that poem you posted on your Instagram and then deleted. It was beautiful, I think about it all the time. I want to read everything you write, just to get a taste of what it means to be you. Does it hurt you too? Is this therapeutic?

I know you'll do amazing things in college, I can't wait to see what you'll do next.

I have black converse with white stars, and you have white converse with black stars. In some capacity, you are my other half. I miss you though I've never known you. This is my stop, and the train is pulling away with you on it. I'll imagine though, what it would be like to jam my foot in the doors and squeeze back inside, sitting down next to you to ask you everything I've always wanted to know. Did you ever realize our shoes match?

Have a great summer!

-E

#poetry #childhood #growing up

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stellarevening · 2 months

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I am clinging to the coat of my childhood as it walks out the front door. I'm still alive, I beg. I'm still alive. Don't go.

-E

#poetry

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