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The Dark Hour strikes again
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this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!
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I Can’t Make You Love Me
Part two to Because I Had You. Read the first part here
Based off the song I Can’t Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt. Y/N can’t make Shawn love her if he won’t.
Part of: The Song Series
Genre: Angst/Smut
Word Count: 5.5k
I got a ton of requests for a part 2 and I hope this lives up to everyones expectations! Pls give feedback it would be so appreciated
_______________________________________
You had never felt a pain like this before in her life. Before this, the worst pain you had felt before was when you saw your best friend kiss the boy you liked during a game of spin the bottle in 7th grade. It was a small thing that upset you so much, sure, but you were only 12, and at the time you had thought you and Mark were going to get married.
The pain you thought you had felt before in your life, was nothing compared to the pain you were feeling now. It was like someone had reached into your chest and ripped your heart right out. Where you used to feel it beating, reminding you that the body you possessed was keeping you alive, all you felt now was a hole where the heart used to be. You were constantly feeling on the verge of throwing up, the knots in your stomach growing impossibly tighter every minute that passed.
At first it was the crying. The heavy, ugly crying that left your throat aching and your lips swollen. The kind of crying that left your eyes sore and swollen for days on end as you prayed to whatever higher power was listening to allow your tears, and your pain, to end.
Next was the anger. Anger at him first. Anger that after all he had done to you, he couldn’t even reach out and apologize for what he did.
You couldn’t believe he had done such a thing to you. You wouldn’t have ever dreamed that he was capable of such malicious actions, and that hurt you even more. You held him to such a high standard, never for a moment thinking he was capable of anything but kindness. How wrong you had been.
You who had only been trying to help him. You who would have done anything to help him ease his pain. You who had done nothing but love every ounce of him from head to toe for every second you had known him. He knew all of this, and he took advantage of it from the very start. He knew you would be there for him no matter what, and he took advantage of that. He took advantage of you.
Next was more anger, but not anger at him any longer. Anger at yourself. You couldn’t believe you had been stupid enough to fall into his arms the second he got our of a relationship. You knew how deeply in love with Charlotte he was, and yet part of you (all of you, but you don’t want to admit that) still believed that he could want you. You so badly wanted something with him that you let yourself see past all of the red flags of your so called relationship.
You allowed yourself to look past how he never responded when you told him how much you meant to him. You allowed yourself to look past how he never told you anything remotely related to how he felt about you. You look past how he only wrapped you up in his arms when you were out in public when his friends were around, like he was trying to prove that he was fine without Charlotte by his side. You looked past how he never looked at you while he was making love to you. Always keeping his head tucked into your neck as he thrusted in and out of you. You allowed yourself to look past how he would always keep you an arms reach away when you desperately wanted to be close to him.
You mostly allowed yourself to look past the fact that you were a mere convince to him, and his words to Brian proved that.
Y/N’s already so obsessed with me that I didn’t even have to do much.
I can take her to all the places I took Charlotte, cover up my memories.
Loving her is something I could never do.
God, please just turn down these voices inside my head.
His words replayed like a broken record over, and over, and over, and over again in your head. Right when the anger and self-loathing would settle in, those words would repeat in your mind and you would revert right back into sadness. The type of sadness that had you screaming into your pillow, not leaving your bed until you had to use the bathroom or get something to eat.
It only got worse when you would check social media. The first two days after the incident at Brian’s you had checked just so you could torture yourself. You wanted to see if he was posting anything, you wanted to see how he was doing.
He’s fine. The voice in your brain would always repeat. He’s doing perfectly fine, silly girl. It’s not like it’s a real break up for him like it is for you. After all he never even cared about you. God. You really wish in times like these she would just shut the hell up, but you knew she was right.
When his first post came you couldn’t hold back the tears. It’s not like you were trying to hold back tears any longer, but you didn’t expect them to fall like this. You had been crying for so long the last few days, you had honestly thought you had run out of tears.
But there your tears were, splashing onto the screen of your phone as you stared down at the picture of him sitting at the bar. The film photos made him look so incredibly handsome and you hated him for it. But you hated him more for how happy he looked. He had that glint in his eyes that he only had when he was his happiest. The look in his eyes is what set you over the edge of tears again.
He really didn’t care at all. He didn’t care that he had taken advantage of everything you had to offer him. He took your respect for him, took your care for him, took all of your love from him and gave nothing in return. He took everything you owned and left you with nothing but a hole in your chest and painful memories playing on repeat in your mind.
*****
Shawn tried not to care, he really tried. After all, he had no right to care, he was the one who had broken you. So he tried not to. He went out to the bars with his friends, drank until he was stumbling and then came home numb only to wake up in more pain in the morning.
And he would post this proof on social media. Not wanting to send out an image that anything was less than fine to his fans. He put on a happy face and forced down the feelings of guilt every time he left his apartment.
But in all actuality, he couldn’t cope without you, and he could not feel shittier about it. He was the one who was at fault in this situation but he really didn’t think it was going to be something you would never forgive him for. He just wanted to ease the pain in his chest, not realizing that it would have been something that gave you pain in the process. Although in hindsight, he didn’t see how it wouldn’t break your heart. He had never intended on staying with you. He had never intended on loving you, or caring for you in that way, so he really didn’t have anything to be sad about now that you were out of his life.
And at first, he really didn’t feel anything in your absence. He was relieved, almost, now that you were gone. He no longer had to exert his energy into making sure you were happy, or believing his feelings for you. He was exhausting himself with all the pretending and with your absence, he felt a weight off his shoulders.
But then came the sadness and the loneliness. Only it wasn’t the same kind of loneliness he felt when Charlotte left him. No, this was much more profound. This wasn’t loneliness that demanded physical affection or kisses. This was a loneliness that seeped into his bones, a loneliness that demanded companionship. A loneliness that left a void that demanded to be felt and demanded to be filled.
He realized while laying in his bed after a night out drinking that the void he was feeling in his chest was previously filled by Y/N. Y/N who had always made him feel so loved, so cared for.
He never knew how much she filled his life until she was gone. She had a presence that filled every room with compassion and love. That compassion and that love is what drew him to you as his choice to replace Charlotte. He knew it wouldn’t be for real, but he needed someone who would make him feel like it was real, and you did that for him.
It was in this same moment he knew he had to reach out to you. He knew it was probably entirely too late to be reaching out, after all Brian’s get together had been over three weeks ago, but he figured it might have been worth a shot.
So he called. And he called, and called, and called, only to be met repeatedly with no response. He wasn’t expecting much, but he was at least expecting to be met with a reply from you. Being met with nothing, he thought it best to stop calling you and at least send you a text. If you weren’t going to pick up the phone to listen to him, he wanted to at least be able to get the words out to ensure that you would see what he was trying to say.
Y/N, I know I’ve fucked up. I’ve really, really fucked up, but I need to talk to you. I need to get out everything I need to say before you decide to shut me out again. I’m sorry, I’m so very sorry for everything you overheard the other day at Brian’s. Please text me back, I really want to talk things out with you.
*****
Y/N, I know I’ve fucked up. I’ve really, really fucked up, but I need to talk to you. I need to get out everything I need to say before you decide to shut me out again. I’m sorry, I’m so very sorry for everything you overheard the other day at Brian’s. Please text me back, I really want to talk things out with you.
“I’m sorry for everything you overheard the other day at Brian’s? Is he fucking kidding?” You scream to your friend Allison who sat at the foot of your bed, trying desperately to coax you out of the next you’ve been living in for the last three weeks. “He wants to apologize for the fact that I heard him but not for the fact that he fucking used me like toy. Interesting, really interesting.”
You were back in an angry phase of coping, you had been for the last two days, which is why Allison came over. She figured it would be easier to try and get you out of bed when you were angry rather than when you were sad. So far she hasn’t had much luck.
“I don’t know, Y/N, maybe you should go see him, see what he has to say. People do really screwed up things sometimes when they’re heartbroken,” she tries to explain, the gentle tone in her voice indicating that she really doesn’t know what to say and is trying not to say the wrong thing.
“I’m heartbroken right now and I’m not doing anything screwed up,” you fight back. “And stop trying to make excuses for him. Having a broken heart doesn’t equate to taking advantage of the love your best friend has for you, making her fall in love with you, and then conveniently never telling her that it was actually all just an act to make him feel better!”
“Y/N, don’t you dare take your anger out on me, I didn’t do anything wrong so don’t yell at me like I did.” This is why you love Allison so much, she never puts up with your bullshit and calls you out on it immediately when you’ve overstepped.
“I know, you’re right Alli, I just-,” you cut yourself off as you feel more tears falling. Jesus, why won’t this shit just stop already. You had become so unaccustomed to your own emotions they didn’t even feel like your own any longer. One second you were red in the face angry, and the next you couldn’t contain your crying. “I just can’t believe he was capable of doing something like this. I mean, everything, everything was fake. While I was cherishing every minute I was spending with him, every kiss he was giving me, he was just imagining I was Charlotte.”
“Did you two ever sleep together?” She questions gently, clearly not wanting to push you in what she recognized to be an incredibly unstable state.
“Yeah,” you mumble in response, ashamed that you shared those moments with him.
“Oh, Y/N,” she whispers as she pulls you into her chest. She knew how big of a deal sex was for you. You were very selective over the people you share those moments with, thinking that they were made for expressing your love. Not that there was anything wrong with casual sex, it was just something you never had an interest in partaking in.
Every moment having sex with Shawn was a special one for you, and that was the most painful thing about this for you. While you were thinking you two were sharing sensitive moments together, moments that were bringing you closer to one another, he was most likely holding back from moaning Charlotte’s name. The thought stung your chest and brought a whole new wave of pain over you as you cried into Allison’s shoulder.
“Y/N, you need to talk to him. You need to get closure from this. You’re never going to get better if you don’t get some sort of closure,” she presses, hurt from seeing her best friend in such pain.
“Al, I don’t even know what I would say? I mean how am I supposed to talk to him after what he did,” you cry, hating how you voice sounds. You hate how you sound so pitiful, so small because of a boy.
“I don’t really know either just, just try talking to him. You obviously know he’s better off not being in your life, but you need him to know you’re on the same page. I’m not gonna stand for him thinking its fine to treat you the way he did and think he can still treat you like you’re friends.”
She was right, you knew she was, which was what led you to picking up your phone and texting him back.
Can I come over at some point tonight to talk about this with you in person?
You drop your phone immediately after responding, not giving yourself the opportunity to overthink anything.
Yes, yeah of course.
“Alli he said yes to me coming over tonight,” you squawk to your friend, panic immediately bubbling in your veins.
“Alright, good looks bitch. You go over, you tell him how fucked up he was for what he did to you, and I mean you really give it to him, no holding back, and then you make sure he knows its not okay to contact you.” She claps her hands together like she’d just come up with the idea for the Great American Novel and all you did was shake your head at her.
“I’ll definitely get my closure, but I don’t really think I can be mean to him, Al. And I hate myself for this but I still love him,” you sigh out, exhausting yourself thinking about what you’ll say to him when you go over later.
“Then you can love him, that’s fine, but you have to let yourself let go of him. You deserve someone who is going to love you for you and everything that you are, not someone who takes all the love you give and has nothing to return,” the assertion in her response is shocking, Alli being someone who was always a sugar coater, and never gave any form of tough love.
“Okay, yeah. Alright, okay.”
*****
Knocking on Shawn’s front door you weren’t sure what to expect. If you’d had it your way you would be at home right now, buried under a fortress of blankets as you listened to your “Songs That Remind Me of You” playlist. You had a bad habit of forcing yourself to stay in certain moods and this playlist was proof of that. It was full of sad songs that prolonged the heartbreak you were feeling, but it was the only thing you could listen to at the moment.
You were so caught up in your thoughts about what was going to happen tonight that you didn’t even realize the door had been opened and Shawn was standing on the other side, looking equally as perplexed as you were. Good. He didn’t know what to say to you either. You liked that. It meant that he was feeling as unsure as you were, and that this situation had at least some sort of impact on him.
“Uhm, hi.” He is the one to break the silence by speaking first. His voice holds none of the confidence it usually does, throwing you off a little bit. You had thought none of this was impacting him, with his smiling face and Instagram full of friends, but his voice lets you know that you were wrong.
“Hey,” you cooly answer, trying not to let on too much as to how heartbroken you had been. You wanted him to know how much he hurt you, but you weren’t ready for that conversation yet.
“You can uh-,” he sounds so unsure of himself and you hated it. You were expecting to come in here, have him be the same version of himself he was that night at the barbecue, tell him how messed up his behavior was, and walk home with your closure. Instead you felt your resolve for him crumbling by the second as you looked at him with his shoulders slightly slumped in, eyes looking tired, like he hadn’t slept in days. “You can come in, if you’d like.”
You side step him, noticing for the first time the state of his apartment. It wasn’t a complete disaster, but it wasn’t spotless like it normally was. Dishes piled up in the kitchen sink, a pizza box sitting on the coffee table, and dirty glasses and beet bottles laid around the apartment, like he had just dropped them wherever he saw fit. You were a bit shocked, to say the least.
“I’m so sorry, Y/N. Words can’t express how sorry I am,” you hate the apology coming out of his mouth, sounding so half assed, but you were grateful for his words at the same time. Not wanting to be the first one to talk.
“Why’d you do it, Shawn.” You were surprised with your tone, and you could tell he was too. Neither one expected the sharp edge present in your voice, and in that moment you were incredibly proud of yourself.
“I don’t know. I really don’t, and I so badly wish I did. I guess I just needed to feel better and when I heard you talking to me that night, you said everything I needed to hear. Every word you said was perfect, and I knew you could give me the love I was missing,” he tries to explain as gently as possible but every word only hurt more. You were hoping you would come here and he would tell you it was a misunderstanding, that he was just joking with Brian. You knew it was far fetched, but you still hoped.
“That’s your entire explanation huh? That you don’t know why you used me the way you did? You don’t know why you took advantage of the love you knew I had for you? You have no real explanation other than ‘I don’t know’ to explain that you heard me profess my feelings for you and you still thought it would be a good idea to do what you did?” You were growing angry with him now, the previous crumbling you felt disappearing just as quickly as it came. “All you can say is you don’t know? Are you seriously that pathetic?”
“Y/N, I’m sorry!” His eyes beg for you to believe them but you’re having a hard time seeing anything clearly through your anger. “I wish I had a better explanation but I don’t and I wish I did.”
“You might not know, but I do, Shawn. You used me because you couldn’t stand the thought that Charlotte didn’t love you anymore.” You knew your words were harsh, but something inside of you was pushing you to keep going. “You, who is always ‘Mr. Perfect And Everybody Loves Me’ couldn’t stand the thought that for once in your goddamn life someone didn’t love you and praise you like the God you think you are. So when you heard me talking to you that night when I thought you were asleep you thought it the perfect opportunity to bolster your ego back up, taking the feelings I had for you and using them to your benefit to make you feel better about yourself. You took, and took from me and never once gave me anything in return.” You’re out of breath by the time you finish your speech.
Shawn tosses his hands into the air and tugs on the ends of his hair, something you knew he did when he was stressed and trying to hold back his anger. You hated that you knew this about him, that you knew so much about him. You really wish you didn’t. Because knowing so much about him means you knew what he was feeling when he started crying. You knew he never cried, so when he started you knew what he was feeling was bad.
“You’re right.”
If you were expecting him to say anything back to that, it certainly wasn’t him admitting that you were right.
“You’re right about that all. Charlotte leaving me really hurt and it really hurt my ego,” he pushes on. “And you’re right when you say I took advantage of everything you gave me. But you’re wrong when you say that I never gave you anything in return.”
That gives you pause, wondering what the hell he could have given you besides heartbreak and pain.
“What are you talking about, Shawn?”
“I’m talking about the fact that I cared for you, Y/N. I still care for you,” he confesses. “Maybe it wasn’t always in the way you cared for me, but I still cared, a lot. You were everything I could have asked for and more when I needed you, and I’m so sorry that I took advantage of that.”
More tears pooled in your eyes when he started speaking, not expecting him to have cared for you at all. Part of you was still confused as to how someone who claims to have cared for you would do something like this but like Allison said, people do screwed up things when they’re heartbroken.
“How could you do this to me, Shawn?” You question him again, not expecting a real answer.
“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so, so sorry,” he says as he starts moving closer to you, grabbing both of your shoulders and forcing you to look up at him. “But these past few weeks have been so empty without you, you take up this undeniable space and I love every minute I’m spending with you. I hate that it took me so long to realize it, and I’m so sorry I had to realize it after I had done something so stupid and fucked up.”
You can’t listen to him talk any longer, so you step up onto your tip toes to kiss him, your tears melding with his as your lips meet one another’s. He pulls you closer to him, ensuring that your bodies were pressed as close together as possible. You moan into his mouth at the feeling of your lips pressing together, loving the feeling of him pressed against you. You allow yourself to bask in the moment, remembering the last time he had you pressed to him. You needed more of him.
“Shawn, Shawn,” you gasp into his mouth.
“What? Are you okay?”
“Take me to bed,” you whisper to him, yelping quietly as he tugs your legs around his waist, your hands immediately going around his shoulders to help him carry you to his bedroom.
He places you down onto the mattress so carefully, you almost allow yourself to believe he loves you. You allowed yourself to pretend that he was yours and you were his as he trailed his kisses down your neck and across your collarbones.
As he pulled your shirt off your body you allowed yourself to pretend that his kisses to your chest were kisses of love and care, that he was trying to show you how special your body was, how special you were. And as you pulled his shirt off you allowed yourself to pretend that his chest was the chest of your boyfriend, a chest that was yours to mark with love bites whenever you chose to.
Both of your jeans came off next and as the two of you laid there on the bed in just your underwear, with him on top of you, you allowed yourself to pretend that the look in his eyes was one of love. You allowed yourself to pretend that this moment of eye contact was a moment you were sharing to communicate with each other how much you loved each other. You knew the look in your eyes was genuine and you let yourself pretend that the look in his was too.
You reached behind you to unclasp your bra, almost reaching the clip before Shawn stops you.
“Let me do that,” he whispers against your collarbone, leaving gentle kisses across the tops of your breasts before unclasping your bra, tossing the material across the room, not caring where it lands.
Taking your left nipple into his mouth, you moan out his name, wrapping your fingers in his hair and tugging the same way you did so many times before when you thought his love for you was genuine. As he shows love to your chest, you allow yourself to close your eyes pretend like this moment was a boyfriend and girlfriend making love, a silent promise that they’ll be each others to love forever. With your eyes closed you won’t allow yourself to see the love he doesn’t have for you.
When he pulls your panties off and pushes his boxers to your ankles you allow yourself to pretend like he cares when he asks you if you’re okay.
And when he finally pushes into you and you moan in unison with him, you allow yourself to pretend that this isn’t a goodbye. You allow yourself to pretend that what you have with Shawn isn’t the end of a painful relationship, but rather the beginning of something new and beautiful. Something that will last until the end of time. You allow yourself to pretend that he’s as in love with you as you are with him. You pretend.
“God, Y/N. You feel so good,” Shawn groans as his lips search for yours. They connect in a feverish kiss, Shawn not able to get enough of you. He can’t believe he didn’t worship this time with you before.
The smell of you radiates through the room, filling his nose and dizzying him. He takes in the way your fingers feel pressing into his lower back, pushing him to go deeper. He can’t get enough of your moans, how delicate they sound, yet so full at the same time. In that moment, he doesn’t think he’s heard or seen anything sexier. He couldn’t get enough of you.
He pulled you into his chest as he thrusted harder into you, looking at your face as your head tilted back even further into the pillows, giving him more access to your neck.
With the extra space on your neck now accessible he kissed along your jaw, leaving a mark just behind your ear, a place he quickly learned was your favorite. Before he had been kissing all the wrong spots, he was kissing all the spots he knew were Charlotte’s favorite, never taking the time to learn your body the proper way.
He was taking his time now, kissing all the soft spots that made you moan a little louder for him, running his hands up and down your sides, angling his hips in just the right way so he would hit that special spot inside of you, the one that sent you into bliss, your walls squeezing around him as you held him closer to you while you came.
He never let his hips relent, taking in the way your face curled up just perfectly when you hit your orgasm, taking in your moans that were music to his ears, filing them away under ‘sounds he never wishes to forget’ as his own orgasm hits him full force.
He’s grunting and moaning loudly into your mouth as he whispers how much you mean to him as he coats your walls. You clutch to him tighter, hugging him in a silent goodbye as he comes down from his high.
He’s breathing you in again as he rolls off of you to lay beside you. The room is dark and you are thankful for that, the darkness means he won’t be able to see the tears that are now running freely down your face.
His head finds purchase on your chest and you hate how instinctual it is for you to run your fingers through his hair. His arm wraps its way around your waist, holding you in place as he lays kisses along your chest and neck. He loved this moment with you, loved how it made him feel so much closer to you, but most of all he loved how it opened his eyes to you, making him realize how important you really were to him, and how he would never be stupid enough to ignore what was right in front of him ever again.
“Thank you, thank you for giving me another chance,” he whispers into the dark bedroom and you hate him for saying those words. You hate him for saying the perfect thing because it makes you feel so guilty, it tears up your insides even though you know it shouldn’t. What he did was unforgivable. So you tell yourself this as you stroke his hair while he falls asleep. When you’re sure, absolutely positive that he had fallen asleep. And when you’re sure you allow yourself to speak to him. Here in the dark, in these final hours, you allow yourself to pretend for just one minute longer before you know it’s time to leave.
“I love you, Shawn. I’m so painfully in love with you and you know I have been for awhile. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be in love with you but I know I probably will be for awhile. And it’s because I love you that I have to let you go,” you say to him in a hushed tone, not wanting to wake him from his sleep. You admire how boyish he looks in his sleep, his handsome features rejuvenated with a youthful glow every time sleep overtook him. He was beautiful, and you would miss him everyday.
“I love you, but I know what I’m worth. And I’m worth so much more than someone pretending to love me to get over an ex girlfriend. I wish so badly you loved me the way that I love you, but it’s okay that you don’t. I can’t make you love me, if you don’t. So I’m saying goodbye, and I’m letting you go.”
As you redress yourself, you look back to his figure sleeping soundly in the bed you two had just made love on. He was clutching the pillow to his chest, the placement of it exactly where you had just been. Your heart breaks a little more, wishing with all your might that you could stay in that bed with him and pretend for just a little longer. Maybe even pretend over breakfast, and keep pretending with him until it was finally real. But you knew you couldn’t. You couldn’t break your heart like that and you wouldn’t allow yourself to be a rebound for Shawn. You wouldn’t allow yourself to stick around until he decided you weren’t what he wanted anymore.
So with one last glance, you turn around, exiting the apartment quietly. You allow yourself to stop pretending, leaving Shawn and your pretend life together behind the closed door of his apartment, leaving Shawn to wake up to an empty bed and a heart full of pain.
_______________________________
Masterlist
Taglist (tagging those who left responses for part 2 on the first part!! sry if thats annoying lmao)
@ourlittleshawnie @ashwarren32 @nervousroses @deansbbysblog @song-bird-shawn @carolineclds @orangemendes @curlsofshawn
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😍😍😍😍 the cutest
you play? {s.m. x reader}
a/n: HI here’s a cute ass blurb that an anon inspired with a concept that they sent in. it was adorable. there are no warnings unless you need warnings for some adorable fluff and a lil meet cute.
word count: 2168
she sighed softly to herself. it wasn’t that the party wasn’t fun because it was, but y/n came here with anna, and anna had left to be with her boyfriend, and that was all good and fine because anna and her boyfriend were like, couple goals, but now she was stuck making small talk with people she didn’t really know. and the people she didn’t really know were nice her and welcomed her into their conversations and even helped her get refills of whatever vodka concoction was in the pitchers, but the people she didn’t really know all knew each other, and as much as they tried to include her, it still felt a bit like she was intruding.
moving to toronto had seemed like a great idea, and for the most part it was, but y/n had forgotten how completely fucking stupid she looked and felt meeting new people. she and anna had become friends when anna had knocked on the door to her apartment, drunkenly demanding sugar to make icing for cupcakes and the rest was chocolate frosting history.
Keep reading
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Love love love 😍😍😍
Meet the Teacher: Part Seven
a/n: Oh haaaay, I’m back! Y’all this fucker is 5.2k I can’t even askfhaskf I’m excited. As always, let me know your thoughts/feelings/comments/criticisms in asks, reblogs, or tags! I read it all! The song featured is “Deep” by Julia Michaels 💙
|| ALL PREVIOUS PARTS LINKED IN MASTERLIST (see description) ||
warnings: cheating, fighting, and some comfort smut
Two suitcases lied open on the king-size bed, clothes haphazardly thrown in. You’d been running around for the last hour, gathering everything you thought you might need. It had been a mistake to take a moment to cry. If you hadn’t, you would have been gone before he came home, before he walked into the bedroom and threw the vase of fresh flowers you always kept on the dresser against the wall and watched it shatter. The explosion startled you. You jumped and stood up straight, walking out of the closet with several pairs of shoes in your arms.
It was obvious what you’d been doing. You were running. Drawers were opened and empty, the closet door flung wide. His things were strewn all over the room. They could burn in hell along with him for all you cared and he could see it. Setting your jaw and looking up at him, you defied him to protest.
“You’re fucking leaving me?!” he seethed, his eyes deep pools of black fury, “you’re really going to do this to my son?” His anger had always been quick, a one-two punch meant to hurt you as quickly as possible, not built for endurance. But you weren’t afraid of him. Not after this afternoon. But bringing Julian into this, he was hell-bent on making this as hard as possible.
“Oh? Your son?” the venom that had been collecting in your mouth now spewed, uninhibited now that he was here in front of you. “Why don’t you walk in there and tell your son about the girlfriend you’ve been fucking behind my back?!”
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Cliffhangers are not a favourite but I can’t wait 😍
Meet the Teacher: Part Six
a/n: HELLO, BEAUTIFUL READERS! MTT IS HERE AND I’M BACK TO MY OLD TRICKS. There’s fluff! There’s interiority! There’s appropriated lyrics (Lauv’s I Like Me Better)! There’s some angst! There is so much Julian in this chapter that my heart literally sang while writing it. I’m so happy to share this with you. Happy reading! I’m interested to hear what you think of this one 😊
|| All previous parts linked in my masterlist! Find in my description! ||
warnings: 4.3k of fluff, fluff, fluff and just a *dash* of angst
If he was being honest with himself, he hadn’t thought this through.
When Shawn took the detour from the front door to the living room, the only thing running through his mind was that he couldn’t leave. Not now. Not after last night. He needed more time.
It was a need he was regretting now as he stood in her living room. She was staring at him. Actually, glaring would have been more accurate. Okay, fine. She was pissed at him. A fact she was hiding unsuccessfully despite her son practically vibrating with unbridled joy at seeing him outside of school.
“MR. MENDES, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?”
The corners of her full lips turned up into a smug grin. Oh, fuck. He guessed he made this bed, so now he was going to have to lie in it. How in the world was he going to play this off? Without shoes?! He shifted his weight and looked at the front door. When did it get so hot in here? His eyes darted to hers when she crossed her arms in front of her, waiting for this bomb to detonate in her living room.
“Yes, Mr. Mendes, tell Jules what you’re doing here.”
Ah, shit. Shawn looked at the door again, seriously regretting his dumbass decisions. Why hadn’t he just snuck out like a fucking normal person? He thought back to the middle of the night and lyrics swirled again.
I’m so fuckin’ happy you’re alive
God, that’s why he was still here. The creative energy he felt when he thought about her, when he talked to her, when he touched her was addicting. He could fill up notebook upon notebook with words and chords about her. Even when she narrowed her eyes and looked at him like she was looking at him right now, like she might eat him for brunch. Her toe tapped, impatiently waiting for him to stick his foot in it in front of her son.
“Uhmm…” he stalled. She raised one eyebrow halfway to her hairline. Frantically searching the room for something…a clue…a hole to jump into…something, his eyes finally landed on his guitar case. A lightning bulb clicked.
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“i think dolly parton was one of the three most played artists in my house since i was a baby.”- shawn talking about what this tribute concert means to him & his parents ❤
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reblog if you want more interaction w your lovely followers
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OVERNIGHT [FM: ONESHOT]
Prompt: 17 - “I can’t sleep, can I stay here?”
Description: Y/N couldn’t sleep because of a nightmare, and found herself at Mulder’s apartment.
2:05AM SHINED on the digital clock that rested on the beside drawers beside Y/N’s bed, alerting her that maybe having nightmares wasn’t the best thing in the world. Especially if she was going to wake up at two in the morning, but not that she could control it anyway. She hated it, because it happened regularly while working on the X Files with Scully and Mulder.
The past few days they’d been dealing with a weird tree-like creature that had been killing people in a forest. It strange, because so many people had been taken, and nobody could figure out why. But when she came face to face with it, she knew exactly why. It was a tree, but it was part human or part animal as well. But she also knew that she’d be having nightmares after this as well.
She woke from the sudden nightmare of being taken by the tree-man, like she had when they were on the case. They’d solved half of it, with one having being shot, while the other one had disappeared without a trace. She’d been injured, getting a deep cut on her right thigh from whatever they’d done when they took her.
She tossed and turned for another half an hour, and couldn’t get to sleep. She got up from her bed, changing into some more appropriate clothing, and decided to go stay somewhere else. She wasn’t going to get to sleep here. It never worked.
She found herself wound up at Mulder’s door, knocking lightly in hopes that if he was asleep it wouldn’t startle him. Within seconds of knocking, the door handle moved and the door opened. On the other side, stood Mulder, with slightly messy bed hair.
“Y/N, are you okay? It’s two thirty in the morning,” said Mulder.
“I know. I couldn’t sleep,” she replied.
Mulder then pushed the door open more, holding his arm up so that she could walk under. She wasn’t all that short, but she was still short enough to walk under his arms. He closed the door behind her, following her to sit on the couch, which also happened to be his bed.
She took a seat, with Mulder taking a seat beside her on her right. She let out a sigh, bringing her jumper closer to her because she was so cold for some reason. Mulder noticed it, bringing his arm around her and pulling her to his body.
“You’re freezing. Are you sure you’re okay?” asked Mulder.
She nodded her head. “I always get cold at night.”
Mulder just nodded his head, looking over the brunette in his arms. She still had a slight bruise on her temple from where she’d been hit on the head by the creatures, which had slowly stopped swelling as much as it had after it’d happened.
The two of them sat quietly, enjoying one another’s company. Y/N felt her head dropping further than she liked, so she adjusted her body against his to get comfortable again. She let out a small sigh, burying her face into Mulder’s side because he was so warm.
“Are you still cold?” Mulder asked.
That was before he noticed her shivering, but when he did, he’d grabbed the blanket from beside him and draped it over her body. She let out a small sigh again, smiling up at her best friend.
“Thank you,” she mumbled.
“Anything for you,” said Mulder.
It hadn’t taken her long, but they spoke for a few more minutes. And while Y/N was warmer than she’d been before, it hadn’t taken her very long to fall asleep in Mulder’s arm. Her sleep completely free of any nightmare that might’ve come if she was alone.
#mulder#foxmulder#the x files#spookymulder#thexfilesimagines#foxmulderimagines#foxmulderfluff#foxmulderoneshots#mulder x reader#fox x reader#fox mulder x reader
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Angst/fluff Prompt List
Please don’t repost (stealing isn’t cool, but reblog if you wish) <3 <3
“I love you, please don’t go.”
“Stay here tonight.”
“Please don’t walk out of that door.”
“I thought things were going great.”
“Don’t you love me?”
“You make every day worth living.”
“I’ll keep you warm.”
“I’m never letting you go.”
“You meant too much to me.”
“I won’t let you.”
“How could you ask me that?”
“Don’t you trust me?”
“I won’t let anyone hurt you, you’re safe with me.”
“You look amazing tonight.”
“Shouldn’t you be with him/her?”
“I’ve got you.”
“I can’t sleep, can I stay here?”
“It’s late. Shouldn’t you be asleep?”
“How are you feeling today?”
“You look amazing tonight.”
“We’ll figure this out.”
“This isn’t goodbye.”
“What’s cookin’ good lookin’?”
“Wanna go grab a drink?”
“What the hell were you thinking?!”
“Here, let me help you.”
“Kiss me.”
“I care about you.”
“You could have warned me!”
“That was unexpected.”
“You haven’t lost me.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Don’t cry.”
“Please don’t do this.”
“You make me feel safe.”
“You’ve shown me what love can feel like.”
“Thank you, for everything.”
“All I wanted was for you to be happy.”
“I can’t do this on my own.”
“I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you.”
“Don’t be afraid.”
“You’re always on my mind.”
“You have no idea how much I want you right now.”
“You’ve always felt like home.”
“I can’t imagine this world without you.”
“Dance with me.”
“Trust me.”
“Why are you crying?”
“Who hurt you?”
“Nothing is wrong with you.”
“You make me feel alive.”
“I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”
“Who cares about what they think?”
“Let’s go.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
“You’ve always got me.”
“I’ve waited for this moment for a long time.”
“Is this okay?”
“You look like you could use a hug.”
“Did you need something?”
“Do you have a ride home?”
“I am home.”
“What happened back there?”
“That’s not gonna happen.”
“Why me?”
“I’m right where I belong.”
“Fine.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”
“You’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?”
“You need sleep.”
“Excuse me?”
“What are you doing?”
“What did you expect?”
“You’re not alone.”
“We’re meant for each other.”
“You’re worth it.”
“I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”
“I’ve always been honest with you.”
“It’s cold, you should take my jacket.”
“Just breathe, okay?”
“When I’m with you, I’m happy.”
“Going somewhere?”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“Don’t be scared, I’m right here.”
“You’re so adorable.”
“I’m better, now that you’re here.”
“I could never forget you.”
“Forget it.”
“That’s in the past.”
“You make me happy.”
“You’re more than that.”
“I won’t lose you too.”
“Come cuddle.”
“Can’t you stay a little longer?”
“It’s not that easy.”
“I’ve had enough.”
“I fell in love with you, not them.”
“You’re the only one I wanna wake up next to.”
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WHO? [SM: COLLEGE AU PART 3]
Description: Shawn finds himself renrolling into his junior year of college after not taking a liking to the start of his career of being a musician. With renrolling, he finds a liking to a girl he had never seen before.
N.E
➖
“Hi. My name is Shawn Mendes, and I am 19 years old. I play the guitar, piano and I sing. I’ll listen to any song that I think is good. My favourite musicians are Ed Sheeran and John Major. The reason I’m doing this course is because I want to be able to play and record music professionally, as it’s always been a dream of mine as a kid.. I am very confident in performing because...”
Shawn then paused, looking out at the class of students sitting before him, waiting for him to finish his sentence. He was known around several hundred countries because of his music, and that didn’t bother him, but it bothered him that if he finished his sentence, he’d been known as Shawn Mendes, the kid who gave up his career to finish his degree, to go back to being famous. He didn’t want to be famous for that, but now, he had no choice.
HE SHOOK his head as if to rid his brain of the negative thoughts that were invading his mind. His eyes flickered around the crowded class room, filled with over thirty of his class mates. Class mates that would more than likely spread the word about Shawn the minute it escaped his mouth. He didn’t want that however. He just wanted to live a normal life- a semi normal life, if that was even possible.
But it wasn’t. He had to tell them the real reason as to why he was very confident with performing in front of a crowd. He couldn’t just lie to his teacher and his peers. He had to tell them the truth, he needed to treat them as if they were his fans. Tell them everything truthfully. So, that’s what he did.
“Mr Mendes, are you okay?” Mrs T/N asked.
Shawn’s eyes flickered over to her’s, and he nodded. A small chuckle escaped his lips. He needed think of a way to explain how he was famous, how he was a musician, who gave up his career to finish college. How were you supposed to word something like that?
“Yeah, yes I’m okay. I’m just trying to figure out how I’m supposed to word what I’m thinking,” replied Shawn.
“Take as long as you need,” said Mrs T/N.
Shawn then thanked her, staring out at the crowd yet again. Over thirty pairs of eyes were staring out at him standing in the front of the classroom, trying to figure out how he was supposed to speak to them. He needed a way out. He needed to escape. His eyes locked on Y/N’s and he suddenly found his escape, but after he told the truth to everyone, she’d be the one wanting to find an escape from the truth. Would she stay despite the fact that he was famous?
He wouldn’t know until he told her. He still hadn’t spoken about it. You still need to explain yourself, idiot, he thought. He cleared his throat, running his hand through his hair quickly, eyes still locked on Y/N’s in the crowd, as she stared back at him, intrigued with what he had to say. He then cleared his throat and hoped she wouldn’t leave him, even though she wasn’t even his.
“I’m very confident in performing because I did it in a different city every night for twelve months, performing my own songs that I had recorded and released. I dropped out of college to pursue a career as a musician, and after twelve months, I decided that I couldn’t keep up with it anymore, so I dropped my career as well. I renrolled back into college to finish my music degree, in hopes that maybe I’d still have the motivation, passion and strength to continue my career after I’ve graduated,” explained Shawn.
The entire class went silent, even the teacher. Over thirty people were sitting in a room that was occupied by a celebrity, who many of them hadn’t even heard of before. A musician. He was famous for his music, but he dropped his career. What many of them didn’t understand was why. He didn’t really give any information into why he did, and he hoped that nobody would ask that question. And thankfully, nobody did, until, it was too late, and he wished he hadn’t wished nobody would ask.
“Can I ask why you gave it up?” A girl, in the back row had asked.
Shawn sucked in a small breath, not expecting the question to be so straightforward and blunt. Why was he here again? Oh, that’s right, to finish his degree in music. It’s all for the degree. That’s the only reason you are here.
“Because I couldn’t deal with the stress, or putting in 110% for everything I did, whether it’d be making a song, to dressing up to go hang out with friends, or an awards show. I was diagnosed with anxiety about six months into my tour, and I couldn’t handle it. So I gave up.”
The teacher glanced over at Shawn, when small whispers started around the classroom. She could tell that he felt uncomfortable by the sound of whispering, especially after what he just confessed. She knew that feeling, because if felt like the walls are caving in. She understood his anxiety and his need to escape the room suddenly. She’d dealt with it before.
“Quiet! I do not want to have to remove anyone from the classroom because they are making Mr Mendes feel uncomfortable about his confession. Keep it to yourself, or you’ll be sent to the principles office. I will not tolerate gossip and drama in my classroom,” Mrs T/N said. “Now, thank you Mr Mendes. I will keep that in mind. Who would like to go next?”
Shawn walked back to where he had been sitting, taking a seat beside Y/N. She looked over at him, finding him with an uncomfortable expression on his face, and tension in his body. She reached her hand over to his, that was resting on the desk, and she grabbed a hold of it. Letting her fingers run over his thumb in a comforting manner.
He looked over at her, a small blush overtaking his face at the small gesture. He was slowly calming down from the gesture, and he was confused as to what was going on. She just sent him a gentle smile, one that he returned with a softer one than hers, before they both brought their attention back to the board.
Shortly before had ended, Mrs T/N had asked Shawn to stay behind for a couple of minutes. He didn’t mind, as he didn’t have another class for the rest of the day, while Y/N had already left the classroom, but was staying outside the room to not eavesdrop onto the private conversation.
“You wanted to speak with me Mrs T/N?” asked Shawn.
“Yes Shawn. I know with your anxiety and all, that it might affect your playing, but, we have a college show coming up in a few months, and I wanted to know if you’d like to play in that show?” asked Mrs T/N.
Shawn stood there quietly, weighing out the options. Either he performs, has everyone talking about him like they talk about Y/N and her athletics, or he doesn’t perform, and he regrets it for the rest of the year.
“I’ll do it,” said Shawn.
Mrs T/N’s eyes widened at his sudden answer. She quickly wrote it down on a note, not to forget to add Shawn to the set list. The show was an annual thing before mid year finals, and everyone liked to watch it. It was a tradition.
“Are you sure?”
Shawn nodded his head with a small smile. “I performed for six months without a stress in the world, I’m sure I could perform for twenty minutes.”
“Touché,” Mrs T/N said. “Thank you.”
“It’s my pleasure. Have a lovely day Mrs T/N.”
Shawn then found himself walking out of the class room, after what had felt like a year long class, despite it only being around two hours long. He went to turn around, when someone jumped up behind him and grabbed his shoulders, shouting.
“Boo!”
He let out a small yell from being frightened, turning to find Y/N doubled over in laughter at her successful scare. Shawn just glared at her for a few seconds, but his gaze softened at the sound escaping her lips. God, she was goregous.
“You’re a bully,” said Shawn.
Y/N just let out a chuckle, the two of them making their way through the hallway and out of the building. Shawn didn’t have anymore classes for the rest of the day, and he hoped that Y/N didn’t either.
“Where are you off to now?” asked Y/N.
“Not sure. I don’t have anymore classes today.”
“Neither! Want to play some one on one?”
Shawn furrowed his eyebrows at her. He wasn’t one hundred percent sure on what she was talking about, but it didn’t sound so bad to him. He turned towards her with a smile, nodding his head.
“Why not?” He agreed.
He wished he hadn’t spoken so soon. The two of them had ended up at the college basketball stadium, playing one on one, after they had changed into sport appropriate clothes. Shawn had picked Y/N up from her apartment, and they found themselves at the stadium.
He had no idea that she was into basketball, but she was a lot more talented than he realised. She was quick paced and handled the ball extremely well. She got passed him and shot so many times, but that was because he wasn’t trying so hard.
When he did try harder to defend her, her skills only knotched up further than he thought was possible. He couldn’t keep his eyes on the ball, as it went from in front of her, to behind, to between her legs and everywhere else. And he found her behind him, easily laying the ball up into the hoop.
“Okay, I give up!” Shawn exclaimed.
He just collapsed on the wooden floorboards, in the middle of the key. Y/N let out a laugh at him, grabbing the ball and dribbling over to the three point line. Shawn watched her from his position on the ground, as she popped a three pointer like it was nothing.
“That was hot,” he blurted.
Y/N looked at him in surprise, while he looked surprised that it actually escaped his lips. The ball just bounced away on the court, completely abandoned, as the two students stared at one another in complete shock.
“That was not supposed to come out. Oh my god.”
Shawn was sat upright on the court, his hands suddenly running through his hair in complete distress. Y/N just jogged over to the ball, before lining up to the three point line again, popping another shot in. Shawn hadn’t even watched her, but by the sound of the swoosh, he figured that it went in.
“Did you just get another one in?” Shawn asked.
Y/N found herself walking over to him quietly, leaning near his ear to whisper into it. A shiver run down his spine at the feeling of her breath against his neck. It was making all sorts of thoughts run wild in his occupied mind.
“Am I hot now?” She whispered.
Shawn’s throat went dry at the words that escaped her lips, heart beat quickening. He just nodded his head, turning around to face her. He’d grabbed her hand, and the next thing she knew was, being pinned to the dusty basketball court, with Shawn hovering above her.
“Don’t start something you don’t intend on finishing,” said Shawn.
Y/N just let a smile over take her face, rolling her eyes at Shawn. Shawn climbed off her body, dusting himself off before jogging over to the ball. He didn’t want to be played around like a puppet on strings, especially by somebody who he had intentions on wanting to spend the rest of his life with.
She just rolled her eyes at him, pushing herself off the ground with ease. Shawn had the ball in his hand, bouncing it at his side and through his legs, before pulling it up for a shot. Which he got in, might I add. Y/N let out a laugh as he yelled in excitement. Her eyes drifted to the Fitbit on her wrist, the clock shining 6:42pm in her face.
“It’s almost seven o’clock,” states Y/N.
Shawn’s eyes widened in surprise. “Wait, already?”
Y/N nodded her head, the ball on her hip as she walked over to him. Shawn was about to walk to his bag, when Y/N stopped him however, making a deal with him.
“If I get this in, we go home. If I don’t, it’s the first person to put the last shot up who has to shout lunch tomorrow.”
Shawn let out a laugh, nodding his head at her. She lined up on the foul shot line, adjusting herself before relaxing. She looked up at the ring, imagining the ball going in before she shot it up. The ball swished through the hoop, and Shawn had never been so disappointed than in that moment.
“No lunch, sorry Shawn,” she grinned.
“I’m still going to buy you lunch anyway,” said Shawn.
Y/N just shrugged her shoulders at him. “You’ve got the whole way home to figure out what I like in my subs, and then maybe.”
“Deal.”
#shawnmendesfanfic#shawnmendesoneshots#mendes#shawn#shawnmendes#shawnmendesfluff#spermendes#spermendesmasterlist#spermendesoneshots#mendesarmy#spermendeswhoseries
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EPILOGUE [SM: END OF TIME SERIES]
part xiii. Twelfth Month
Dear Shawn,
I'm back again. It's been 14 months since I last saw you. I promised to stop writing, stop grieving, and to forget about you after twelve months but I fucking can't. How could I? I haven't seen you in so long. I miss you like absolute crazy. This, trying-to-forget-about-you, thing isn't going so well. I can't forget. Not about everything we've been through, everything we've done together. I just can't, Shawn.
I know I made a promise, and I know I told you that I'd never break a promise, but I can't keep this one. You were my everything. You were always there for me, even if you weren't physically there. I can't forget about everything we had.
I especially can't when Andrew showed up at the condo after twelve months, after I wrote my "last" letter. He gave me a box, and told me that it was from you. He then handed me a letter, and said, "I'll see you around Dem. Whenever that day may be. Good luck with your career." He then left without another word.
He was so upset Shawn. You could see it. He definitely was having a hard time forgetting about you too. I was too, until I opened the box, which made everything so much worse. I opened it, and found a small Neo Mastiff cross Bandog puppy sitting in the box.
He was gorgeous Shawn. Absolutely gorgeous. I couldn't forget you after this. Your songs were always on the radios around the world, your face was everywhere, and I was living in your - now my - condo. I wasn't forgetting anything. Raul is what I named him as soon as I read the letter, which was upsetting as hell by the way.
"Demi,
Here is the pup I always promised you. I made a deal with Andrew before the cancer took over. It was to chose one pup from a family who bred the puppies, and to give it to you after twelve months. If you're reading this, it means he kept his promise. I know forgetting me is going to be hard, but I love you so much.
Love yours truly,
Shawn xx"
I'm not forgetting you. Never. I'm not sticking to the promise I made after you left. I'm sticking to our promise that we made years ago, when you were still here.
I'll always love you, until the end of time.
Love,
Demi x
#shawnmendesfanfic#shawnmendes#shawnmendesoneshots#shawnmendesseries#shawnmendesfluff#shawnmendesimagines#shawn#mendes#mendesarmy#spermendesoneshots#spermendes#spermendesseriesoneshots#spermendesmasterlist#spermendessongoneshots#spermendesendoftimeseries#heartbreak#death#movingon#cancer#love#letters#romance
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TWELFTH MONTH [SM: END OF TIME SERIES]
part xii. Eleventh Month
Dear Shawn,
It's been a year since you left, and I haven't missed you any less than I have all year. It's been a crazy month. I got offered another movie role, and I accepted it of course. After everyone found out the last movie was a tribute to you, and was actually a story about us, I'd grown as an actress.
My social media has grown so much. More tweets had been tweeted to that hashtag I told you about a few months ago. It's still trending. It's been the top one for several months now. So many more celebrities have tweeted to it, and it made me smile.
The world misses you Shawn. So much. Another fan tweeted a link to the hashtag #toandforshawn today. I clicked on it, and it took me to YouTube again. Another tribute video had been posted. Instead it was a heaps of videos and photos of you, explaining your life and success. It even talked about us. It then reminded me about how long you've been gone for. It made me cry.
It's been a year. A damn year. I haven't seen you smile; laugh; heard you sing; felt your kisses; felt your hugs. Nothing. I moved into your condo finally, and it makes me upset when I remembered all the memories we had made in this very condo. I miss you so much. But I promised I would move on after a year, so that's what I'm going to try to do. I miss you.
Love,
Demi x
#shawn mendes#shawnmendes#shawnmendesfanfic#shawnmendesoneshots#shawnmendesseries#shawnmendesfluff#shawnmendesimagines#shawn mendes fanfic#mendes#shawn#mendesarmy#spermendesoneshots#spermendes#spermendesseriesoneshots#spermendesmasterlist#spermendessongoneshots#spermendesendoftimeseries#heartbreak#death#love#letters#cancer#movingon#romance
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TWELFTH MONTH [SM: END OF TIME SERIES]
part xii. Eleventh Month
Dear Shawn,
Ten months. It's been a while Shawn, but I still miss you. Press hasn't been so bad so far. We finished filming a month or two back, and it was finally time for press. The New York premiere is in a few days. I was so excited, yet so nervous.
I knew that you'd be supporting and reassuring me that everything would be fine. You were always good with that stuff. You had a way of forgetting your nerves, and transforming it into adrenaline when you performed. And I adored that. I'm sure all your fans did too.
They still miss you. There's tributes floating around the web everywhere. Photos and videos; messages; everything. It still brings tears to my eyes at the thought that you're actually gone. More and more tweets are being added to the hashtag #toandforshawn everyday. It's still trending around the world.
I ran into John Mayer the other day. He offered to buy me lunch so we could speak, as we hadn't spoken in so long. I didn't decline the offer though. We spoke for hours, about everything. You; the fans; everything. How much we missed you. I still miss you by the way.
Love,
Demi x
#shawnmendes#shawnmendesfanfic#shawnmendesoneshots#shawnmendesseries#shawnmendesfluff#shawnmendesimagines#shawn#mendes#mendesarmy#spermendes#spermendesoneshots#sperm#spermendesseriesoneshots#spermendesmasterlist#spermendessongoneshots#spermendesendoftimeseries#cancer#death#love#romance#letters#movingon
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ELEVENTH MONTH [SM: END OF TIME SERIES]
part xi. Tenth Month
Dear Shawn,
It's been eleven months! Eleven months, and I still miss you. How could you leave? How could you not tell me about the cancer? It still upsets me at the fact that you never told me about it until after you were gone. We could've done something about it earlier!
Press has been the usual. Interviews; panels; premieres. I met Jimmy Fallon the other day. He was so fun to talk to. He admitted that he also missed you, and he even played another tribute video a fan made on the big screen. The whole crowd, and I think whoever was watching, was all in tears at the video.
I haven't seen you in so long. I went to the condo the other day to check nothing had been stolen, or touched by anyone. It's still the same. Your awards are still on the wall; your guitars are still in your guitar room; and everything else is still intact.
All the memories came flooding back to me eventually. I found myself laying on the floor, in a pool of my own tears afterwards. I think I had a panic attack. I haven't had one of those since before we met. That was almost 3 or 4 years now. I don't even remember it's been that long, just as long since you've been gone.
I miss you so much. I found your laptop. I was going through it and found a heap of old videos and photos of us saved in a "wedding video" file. I don't know how long before you leaving was made, but it must've been a while. There was so many videos and photos in there. How long were you planning to ask me to marry you?
I miss you so much. Eleven months, Shawn. Your songs are still on the radio at least once a day. Your music is still on the charts, now topping because they're being played so often. You've won and been nominated for so many awards and this year. I've got them all here, so I'm going to write them down, for you. There's a lot by the way.
AMA: Favourite Adult Contemporary Artist - WINNER
ARIA: Best International Artist - Nominee
BBC Radio 1 Teen's Awards: Best International Artist - Nominee
Billboard: Top Artist, Top Male Artist & Top Social Artist - Nominees
BreakTudo Awards: Mehlor Artist Masculino Internacional - WINNER
Canadian Radio Music Awards: SOCAN Song of the Year / "Treat You Better" - Nominee
Global awards 2018: Best Male, Mass Appeal Award, Best Pop, and best song "TNHMB" - results are pending.
iHeartRadio Much Music Awards: Most Buzzworthy Canadian & Fan Fave Artist it group - Nominee
iHeartRadio Music Awards: Best Fan Army & Best Cover Song / "Here" - Nominees
Juno Awards: Album of the year, pop album of the year / "Illuminate" & Single of the Year / "TYB" - Nominees
LOS40 Music Awards: International Artist of the Year & Lo + 40 Artist Award - Nominees
MTV: Best Song / "TNHMB" - WINNER
MTV Italian Music Awards: Best International Artist - Nominee
MTV Video Music Awards: Best Pop Video / "TYB" & Song of the summer / "TNHMB" - Nominees
Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards: Favourite Male Singer - WINNER
Meus Prêmios Nick: Favourite International Hit / "TNHMB" & Favourite International Music Awards - Nominees
Nickelodeon Argentina Kids' Choice Awards: Favourite International Artist or Group - Nominee
NJR Music Awards: Révélation Internationale de l'année - Nominee
People's Choice Awards: Favourite Male Artist - Nominee
Radio Disney Music Awards: Best Male Artist & Fiercest Fans - Nominees
Song of the year / "TYB" - WINNER
Teen Choice Awards: Choice Summer Tour / "Illuminate WT" & Choice Male Artist - Nominees
Choice Summer Male Artist & Choice Male Hottie - WINNER
Telehit Awards: Male Soloist of the year - WINNER
You've gotten so many awards this year, and you weren't even here to celebrate it. The fans are still working together in order to help you win even if you aren't here. The awards keep showing up at the condo, meaning Andrew's probably collecting them because I can't. I'm super busy with press. I wish I could collect them, but I wish more that you were here too. I miss you.
Love,
Demi x
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