spaghettifather - Tumblr blog

spaghettifather · 6 years

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i’m moving blogs! go see more of me over at @leaflights !!

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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me when i get off a rollercoaster

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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https://twitter.com/northumbriana/status/846454474654781442

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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lawful good: brushing your teeth and putting your retainer in every night

lawful neutral: brushing your teeth and putting in your retainer if you remember

lawful evil: putting in your retainer after being reminded by a friend

true good: putting in your retainer because you read in an article that if you don’t, you could need braces again

true neutral: putting in your retainer because the orthodontist told you to, and detailed what happens to your teeth if you don’t

true evil: putting your retainer in after having a dream that your teeth fell out because you didn’t put in your retainer

chaotic good: putting in your retainer without brushing your teeth

chaotic neutral: putting in your retainer without brushing your teeth or washing the retainer

chaotic evil: leaving the retainer on the toothpaste-covered counter instead of wearing it to bed

#i thought of this because of my nightguard #i dont wear a retainer to keep my teeth in place #but because i grind my teeth #so if i forget my teeth hurt and i chip them #but im still lazy #so i created this alignment because #i went chaotic good and wore the retainer but didnt brush my teeth #actually im more chaotic neutral #because i also didnt wash the retainwr #retainer #teeth #nightguard #dentist #humor #funny #dungeons and dragons #alignment #alignment meme #alignment chart

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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For that "glitch in the matrix" thing going around

Not me, but my mom.

In 1972, she ran away from home. She was gone for several months, and when she got home my grandmother started shaking her and screaming about how someone had told her my mother had no shoes and my grandmother was sure it meant my mom was dead.

She finally calms down, and they piece it together: my grandmother had gotten a phone call from someone who breathed two or three times, said “Cathy’s in bare feet,” and hung up. Except that’s not what they said–my grandmother had written the date in on her calendar, and on that date my mother was in Bare Feet, Arizona. She knew definitively that she was in Bare Feet because on that date she called home to talk to my grandfather, who told her Uncle Jim had died–“got himself shot”–and that she had missed the funeral. Ready for the glitch in the matrix part? Here we go:

–My grandfather had no recollection of the conversation–which would have been a strange conversation indeed, since Uncle Jim was still alive and, in fact, didn’t die until 2009, eight years after my grandfather. However, my mom did miss the funeral, thanks to a delayed flight. Cause of death? Supposedly, it was suicide, but there were enough indications for the family to believe that was a pile of horseshit, not least that shooting himself in the head with the rifle indicated would’ve been near-impossible.

–My mom was going by the name Patricia Danko when she was on the run–she had a fake ID and everything. She hadn’t called herself “Cathy” since leaving home and nobody knew she was traveling under an alias.

–According to my mom, she never gave a name for herself–either Patricia or Cathy–when she was in Bare Feet, and she would’ve had no reason to. Bare Feet had maybe a hundred people in it, and they were just stopping for food and gas.

–This isn’t just an account from my mother–my dad was with her at the time, and he remembers both the phone call and the truckstop.

But that’s not the weirdest nor the creepiest part, which is this:

–I’ve been trying for three years to find Bare Feet, Arizona–on the Internet, on old maps, by talking to old Arizona cowboys, and there was never a Bare Feet, Arizona. My mom convinced my dad to drive “through Bare Feet” on the way back from Texas in 2013 and there was no town anywhere along the highway, not even the abandoned bones of one. I’ve looked for Bare Feet, Barefeet, Bear Feet, Bare Feat, Bare Foot, Barefoot, and Bear Foot. None of these exist.

My mother stopped in a town that doesn’t exist, ate in a restaurant that never was, made a phone call that could not have happened and was apparently answered by a ghost from 40 years in the future, and later that night someone called my grandmother from a number that turned up on her phone bill only as a pay phone in Arizona to say that single sentence, “Cathy’s in Bare Feet.”

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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The problem with infinity war is that Tony Stark, Peter Parker and Doctor Strange just waltzed themselves over to the secondary location and if they’d listened to Bittenbinder then those dumbasses would have known that THE ODDS OF COMING BACK ALIVE FROM THE SECONDARY LOCATION ARE SLIM TO NONE

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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Some sweet, simple Taako faces. Murder on the Rockport Limited is still pure unadulterated comedy gold.

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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“Jenkins: ‘The three of you are being very cruel to me.’”

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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He’s just company. Companionship.

Companionship. Oh. You know, just when I think he couldn’t possibly say anything to make it worse, he does. Companionship. How good. I wouldn’t want you to be lonely.

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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“Salt and Pepper Diner is John Mulaney’s funniest bit” is Xanax/Prostate Exam erasure and I will not stand for it

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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i never talk about these things but i can’t remain silent.

i know tumblr doesn’t give a SHIT when things happen in countries outside the “most popular ones” (such as the usa & england). it’s true, don’t lie to me. y’all don’t give A FUCK. not every issue and problem in said countries gets the appropriate exposure but in general shit shows up on the news WORLD FREAKING WIDE. you set up donations, you help out, your spread the word, you say “pray for x”……

southern europe is burning.

my country is burning.

people are dying - at home, on the road, trying to run away, in their cars.

yesterday my country had 300 active fires.

people are losing EVERYTHING they own.

i have a friend that is on a train right now passing through places that have been burnt to the ground and she says the smoke is so intense it’s getting inside the train and she can barely breathe.

and yet, even though several people (myself included) have been trying to bring awareness to what has been happening in southern europe… what we get from most of you, those not part of the countries suffering, is silence. we don’t ask for money, we don’t ask for shit other than a reblog to spread awareness… something you can delete in 24/48hrs if you wish.

i don’t know what to tell you. i’m angry. i’m frustrated. i’m disappointed. i feel like i’m screaming into the void. “a reblog does nothing” - you know that’s a damn lie, you know exposure always helps, you know people start paying attention when posts on social media become popular. my country in particular is a small one, we get ZERO exposure. y’all are only starting to figure out we even fucking exist bc of the shit we’ve been winning lately.

but hell, if the EU doesn’t give a shit, why should some user on tumblr dot com?

again, i don’t know what to tell you so i’ll let the images speak for themselves:

An image captured by a Nasa satellite shows a thick plume of smoke blowing southward from the Greek island of Chios over the island of Crete

Torneros de Jamuz, Spain

Duca, Croatia

A helicopter from Italy’s civil protection service drops water on a fire near the railway between Venice and Trieste

Residents take refuge on the beach as a wildfire burns on the mountain next to the village of Lithi, on the Greek island of Chios

Men gather cattle during a forest fire in Vieira de Leiria, Marinha Grande, Portugal.

Charred trees are seen on the hills above the Cloister of Thivaidas on Mount Athos, a World Heritage Site in Greece

Portugal

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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#oh my God #so perfect

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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as a child, i had this really interesting way of dealing with executive dysfunction:

when i needed to do something but did not get the impulse to actually start, i counted to 20.

and at 20, i did the thing.

i started this in order to get me out of bed in the morning, and after a few weeks it was a reliable source of starting impulses. every time i hit 20, i got started.

somewhere along the way i stopped doing it, because it was weird and nobody else needed to count in order to do stuff.

it makes me wonder, how many brilliant coping skills do we loose or never develop because we live in a neurotypical world and nobody teaches us these things? because we think they’re weird, because we don’t have words for what we’re doing, because they seem to have no place in this world?

#help #tagging 'help' so i can find this post

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spaghettifather · 6 years

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