sometimes-i-must-scream
Just another vent blog
I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream
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hollyhock: "do you ever get that feeling that like, to know you more is to love you less?"
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My BPD makes me grieve intensely for those I've lost while a little voice whispers how better off they are without me
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It’s sooooo fucking irritating when I split and devalue the people who I love because I know it isn’t actually how I feel about them but my brain just repeats how useless and stupid they are and how much I do not need them
#splitting and then paranoia#i keep thinking as if my friends are conspiraing and meeting behind my back#i even keep thinking two of them started dating#i have no proof but my brain keeps thinking that I cant disprove it either#i feel betrayed over things in my head#and i hate it#and i know its wrong#but just can't stop it#it's hell made by my own brain#vent#bipolar
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Why, sometimes I feel fine, great even, like myself, and then I blink, and I'm a stranger in my body and don't know anything
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Charles Bukowski, "assault," from What Matters Most is How Well You Walk through the Fire
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I don't wear my personality like a mask,
I like to think I wear it like a clothes.
You wear different onse for different occasions.
You like some more than the others.
Some are kinda uncomfortable but you gain it from someone special so it stuck.
Or maybe you just had it for long time and it's a shame to thrown away.
Some are really cozy, you wear them with close people or when you're alone.
I like all of my clothes
Some more than the others
All of them are pretty in my eyes.
But there are this shorts moments between changing
When you are naked
And I think,
There is nothing pretty there.
#vent#tumblr poetry#kinda#im not a poet#personality disorder#borderline personality disorder#depressing shit#actually bipolar
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I have this disease, it's called loneliness.
There is almost no visible symptoms.
But it lingers in my lungs and heart and my brain,
I can feel it crawling in my throat at night.
When I lie in bed, I wonder is it terminal.
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