shackleton2
let go of the shield
30something, Fandom dweeb since my teens: LOTR, X-Men, Buffy, Inyasha, Naruto, True Blood, Firefly. Been 100% hyperfixated on Bucky Barnes the Winter Soldier for about 1.5 years now. Check out my AO3- shackleton2, for 300+ fic recs and 1 original work. Stucky or Best Friends, I can never decide and I love both.
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Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we're old friends, and you're not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.
I've been doing a lot of work recently that's focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I'm not good enough. That I'm somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.
Some days it's a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it's loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.
Anyway, because I'm several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my "recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms" worksheet mixed in with the "you're not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels" worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.
The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren't sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I'm someone I'm not.
Because I'm masking my ADHD for their convenience.
I've always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn't fit in or was failing in some way I couldn't see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.
So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they'd stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they'd realize I'm a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.
If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I'm your gal.
Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.
Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn't also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.
And it's that aftermath that's affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do-- but it doesn't feel real because that is how I mask.
And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I'm dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I'm doing is so foreign my brain has decided it's just another form of masking.
I'm pretending to be a good author so people will think I'm a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I'm Weird and not whatever palatable version I've presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.
Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn't an obvious giveaway.
Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.
I'm going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.
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i think that i can never forgive Marvel for not having a single scene of how Steve and Bucky communicate in ordinary life situations after Bucky's memory returned. i mean, not on the battlefield and not on the run. in any calm atmosphere . they had been apart for so long and deserved at least a few calm scenes in which no one wouldn’t try to catch or kill anyone and the world wouldn’t be on the brink of disaster. we needed a scene like this. they needed a scene like this.
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Tragedy! You set out to read a negative review of a piece of media you dislike, only to find that the critic is being completely unfair to it and making a bunch of bad, unsupportable arguments.
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two old guys who have like a weird gay thing going on is the best
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Ford
Change a single letter and change the word game
I want to play a game with you all.
You have to make a new word by changing only one letter of the last word.
Dirt
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🦇🦇🦇
🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇Happy bat appreciation day!!! From Kitti’s Hog-Nosed bats to Giant Gold-Crowned Flying Foxes, from hammerheads to vampires: they all have a place in the ecosystem and in my heart. Considering showing your appreciation for everyone’s favorite pollinator/pesticide by donating to bat conservation international, watching one of their livestreams, or drawing art in support of our flapping friends!
🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇
🦇🦇🦇
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Bucky Barnes the black cat
(Companion piece to Steve is an orange cat)
Him mystery
Him grace
Him can't remember his face
Him master of dramatic entering to hand out free heart attacks
Him master of dramatic landing to check quality of your car (it failed)
Him master of dramatic prancing like he invented the catwalk
Him master of dramatic drama, okay, when he wants toys to play
His favourite game is aggressive fetch
His favourite pastime is aggressive cuddling
Sad amnesiac meow meow free to a good home
Take the birthday boy home 💕
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Do Steve and Bucky need to work out to maintain muscle mass or will the serum sort that for them? I'm kind of concerned about Bucky gaining or losing weight/muscle because of his metal arm, which is supposed to balance with his other arm.
So, Bucky has a Murder Strut™️.
It’s actually been confirmed (I forget by who – one of the writers, maybe?) that he has a distinct gait due to the weight of his metal arm. It’s much heavier than his other one, which makes me wonder how tight the muscles are on that side of his body to keep himself upright. He’d need massages, but he’d never ask for them no matter how tense and tight his body feels. He’d think it’s a luxury he neither needs nor deserves, even if he really does both need and deserve it.
Steve and Bucky probably do work out, but it’s more to keep themselves active and ready for a fight (at least in their heads) than it is to maintain muscle mass. There would be periods of downtime in between missions. Of course, they’d still need to maintain it somehow, primarily through exercise (workouts, sure, but mostly the exertion that comes with being an Avenger) and a relatively balanced diet. (Then again, now we know how much Bucky likes his snacks!)
For the food they eat, it would have to be high protein in order to maintain muscle mass, and also high carb for the extra energy. They’d constantly be eating to keep up with the caloric requirements their bodies have, because their metabolisms are so high that they’d burn through the calories way faster than normal people. This is the same reason why alcohol has no effect on them (or at least Steve in canon, but it follows that Bucky would be the same).
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I think one of my favorite things about writing fanfic is that you can just... keep going. Write as many different endings to the story as you want. As many different AUs. You can write the same scene a hundred times and change what happens every time.
It's the most freeing feeling, that I don't have to choose.
#unless you're convinced for no earthly reason that anything you write#has to contain every single thing you've ever thought about the characters and fandom#🫠#helpful reminder that i am free to write#like#many things#idk how you authors do it man lol
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more random meta thoughts about the mystery of What They Got Up To vis-a-vis Steve Nat (Wanda?) and Sam between Civil War and Infinity War.
from okay: a state of being by luminis_infinite:
“his fingers flit over the pile of sketchbooks he’s amassed in the last six years. The number surprises even Steve sometimes, three of them at least are from his time on the run. That might come as a surprise, but as it turns out, there’s a lot of hurry-up-and-waiting involved in off-grid vigilante work. Who knew? ”
—led to random thoughts about the fugitive avengers & what kind of unsanctioned work they’d be doing. They’ll be following a natural continuum from (&still including) hydra hunting: taking down active bad boy perpetrators of theft and intimidation and lawbreaking who are untouchable to officially sanctioned law enforcement because of ties to ultrapowerful individuals and corporations.
Yknow, a corrupt company with a legal public face pays thru a bunch of shell companies to hire mercenaries to, say, oppress the people of a town that is refusing to allow….lets say banana monopolies (100 years of solitude trauma)! And fucking oil shenanigans obviously! The Secret Avengers go fight those guys & do their own version of intimidation and some kinda spider man nonsense where they leave them naked and tied up.
And THEN it’s up to the Official Avengers and/or the local governments whether they cover up the nefarious goals of the people the Secret Avengers fought, release them, and quadruple down on calling the Secret Avengers criminals, or whether they take those people into custody and prosecute them justly.
#meta#nomad steve#fugitive avengers#spitballing for fic#add your thoughts!!!#what did they get up to???#if you're gonna say video chatting bucky YES that is central to my story but tell me your vibes on it#what kind of action hijinks did they get up to tho 👀#mcu#canon gapfilling#is#hard#bucky barnes#steve rogers#team cap#captain america civil war#the avengers infinity war#fanfiction#stucky fic
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Come in my room tonight
undress in the dying light
where I've been waiting for you
these days it's all I ever do
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I’m using ao3 the way god intended: via 36 open semi-abandoned tabs on my phone at 2 AM the night before work
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I wanted to read something short and beautiful to go with the piano song I was listening to and after re-rereading this gem I realized it’s super slept on bookmark-and comment-wise! Do you love Bucky? Would you like to cry a bunch of tears? Don’t worry it’s not a tragedy it’s lovely
#fic rec#underrated fanfic#bucky barnes#mcu#infinity war#hidden gems#haunted by the amazing writing I will never find by sorting by most bookmarks
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this might be random but I feel like we need to address the fact that Bucky’s true arc in TFATWS was never about redemption, self-forgiveness, and his guilt.
His arc was overcoming loneliness. That was the true theme of growth for him in the show. Which is why it was so frequently, verbally mentioned and also shown. His loneliness is constantly reiterated. I mean, even looking at things from a very basic standpoint, the show starts with him isolating himself and having no close relationship and his final scenes are being accepted into a family and community.
His guilt and self-hatred are not just character trait but also a facet of his loneliness, and it’s necessary to elaborate on in relation to him being lonely. However, the reason why his arc feels messily written, and why there’s confusion and criticism on it, is because they didn’t properly incorporate guilt into the story of loneliness. It wasn’t well intertwined, which only led to fans not seeing that guilt and self-esteem wasn’t supposed to be what he overcame in the show. It’s why fans feel that his development with the guilt wasn’t properly handled, it’s because that was never supposed to be resolved completely in the show.
But the way they wrote it into his arc of overcoming loneliness was so non-fitting, that it gave off the impressive of a magical solution to the problem of guilt and a watered down exploration of it. Instead of properly being weaved into the main point of loneliness, the guilt and self-hated came across as almost a separate, poorly done part of the story.
If it was written with better care and was better related to the main arc of loneliness, there likely wouldn’t be as many complaints about how it was handled because people would more clearly see the guilt wasn’t supposed to be completely overcome. The show’s inclusion of it was just intended to show a step in the journey of self-forgiveness, while mainly focusing on the other issue of finding companionship.
So basically if Bucky’s arc would have been written more clearly, the intended arc of his loneliness would have had a better chance to shine, instead of fan’s anger and confusion overshadowing it. Because his growth from self-isolation and being utterly lonely to true friendship is fantastic. It’s genuinely amazing in that aspect. The arc of loneliness was a puzzle, and the aspects of his trauma, guilt, etc. were pieces that didn’t end up in the right place. So what could have been a fabulous arc, is simply a puzzle that was put together wrong.
#great take#TFATWS is very far from perfect but it was actually the spark that ignited my inferno of Bucky fandom#imagine if it had the nuance and insight of this freakin post#bucky barnes#tfatws
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EDS/POTS/Scoliosis Stickers
All of these will become available on my shop in June. You can follow my page on Ko-Fi to get an email update when they're for sale so you don't miss it :)
Tomorrow is the last day of my class and this is my final project. Chronically ill stickers. I definitely plan to make more but this is what I have so far. I can't wait to sell these in the Summer and if anyone has suggestions for what kind of stickers I should make next, absolutely let me know! I love getting sticker ideas from others.
Reblog to share them around :) I'd really appreciate it.
Here is the link to my shop : Chaos And Ink
Image Descriptions are from left to right
[ID: A skeletal leg with the knee hyperextended and a rainbow behind it. The text reads 'Nothing about me is straight' / A crooked vertebrae column with a rainbow behind it. The text reads 'Nothing about me is straight' / A zebra pattern awareness ribbon with the initials 'EDS' on the right side / A skeletal arm with a hyperextended elbow and a rainbow behind it. The text reads 'Nothing about me is straight' / A blue awareness ribbon with the initials 'POTS' on the right side / A black leg with a hyperextended knee and a decorative vine tattoo on the thigh. The text reads 'Clinically too bendy' / A white wrist and hand with the thumb pressing against the forearm. The hand wears a ring and bracelet and has a tattoo that reads 'Enough'. The text reads 'clinically too bendy' / A latino arm with a hyperextended elbow and a bracelet and watch. The text reads 'clinically too bendy' End ID]
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If I watch these, I can hear the sound of that when Bucky hits the shield with his metal arm and this means that I have watched this film too many times and I’m proud of this.
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