scorpionsmoonlight - Tumblr blog

scorpionsmoonlight · 6 months

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Reflection

So, here we are...the start of my personal blog...Maybe I should have done some sort of outline or something before executing my first post, but you know what, FUCK IT! It's my blog and I'll wing it if I want to. Does that no fly with you...? Oh well, you'll get over it I know I already have.

Lets start with a little intro and maybe a bit of background info so we can start to filling in the picture. My name is Alex, I'm a recovering opiate addict...but lets be real here, I'm currently addicted to slamming meth, and basically doing any other drug accessible atm.

I'm in my mid thirties and currently still living with my mom. Granted I'm only living with her again due to circumstances beyond my control. You see I'm also going through a divorce from a man who felt that it was okay for him to try and control every aspect of my life. He expected that I just hand over majority of my paycheck each week for bills. Always leaving me with almost nothing, and believe it or not would still bitch me out for spending any amount of money on myself. However it was perfectly fine for him to spend large sums on anything really, but if I got mad then I was the asshole in the situation.

Anyway he was abusive in other ways as well, never physical, but any form of abuse that wasn't physically obvious I endured. He was a textbook narcissist, manipulation master, and spectacular when it comes to making a grown man feel like he's nothing with the subtle backhanded insults. Now I know what you're thinking..."if it's really that bad then why didn't you just leave?"

Unfortunately when all of your money is in your husbands bank account, and he's the only one with a bank card to access it, then you're kind of fucked. So it ultimately becomes easier to remain stuck in your living hell, finding ways to avoid your partner as much as possible. You also tend to find small ways to work around the things that are being expected of you, giving you a small moment of joy...however fleeting that may be.

Anyway believe it or not I didn't come here to rant about my stupid ex-husband...not to day at least lol. I decided to start this blog because I was sitting up in bed wide awake, with a million thought's just swarming my brain like angry wasps who think I kicked their nest. Next thing I know I'm being hit with the overwhelming urge to start writing.

Mind you I keep a regular journal, but when I realized that I had already written 5-7 pages I decided it might be time to go a different rout. Something that would give me the freedom to write as much as I wanted without constantly running out of paper.

So ultimately I guess my posts are really going to be about the current events that I'm going through and how I plan on dealing with them. I know that sounds boring, but stick it out and give me a chance. I promise you the shit that goes down in my life is anything but boring, most of the time it's truly unbelievable.

So stay tuned, and keep an eye out for new posts very soon.

Until then,

Love Peace and Chicken Grease - Alex

#real life #reality #existence #reflection #personal #my thoughts

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