sc0rchwind
Flesh And Bone
Maybe you're a sinner, Maybe you deserve to die...
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All my jokes are cries for help
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If you accidentally hurt someone or cross their boundaries and they make you aware of this, literally all you have to do is apologize and stop. You don't have to beat yourself up internally for months. You don't have to hate yourself for fucking up. You don't have to feel like a horrible person. No one benefits from any of that - and at worst, such an extreme reaction will make the person in question less likely to speak up around you in the future, cause even if your negative reaction is directed at yourself and not at them, it's still unpleasant for everyone involved.
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things i realized in therapy:
i am allowed to be angry with people when they hurt me, even if they are sensitive and cant cope well with being told they did something wrong. their sensitivity does not mean i have to bottle up my feelings & their lack of coping skills does not make me expressing my anger abusive.
shocking, i know. truly shocking.
#might seem obvious but honestly a very good reminder#everyone is entitled to feel their feelings#it is how we express them that matters#and if you express your anger in a direct and respectful way than it is the other persons own problem if they cannot cope with it
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Joan Tierney
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Bosses will see the spirit of someone struggling to trust, value, and care for themselves despite years of abuse and the fuckedupness of the world & say is anyone else gonna finish crushing that
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I read a post once
That said something along the lines of ‘creation is divinity’
and it was in reference to being transgender and how being trans is divine cause your creating
and while yes I love that sentement
I dunno
Something about that line
‘creation is divinity’
it sticks with me
I think its taken up residence inside my soul and I dont know what to do about it
#maybe ill get it tattooed on me#I dunno just things like that impact me and Im not sure why#destruction leads to a very rough road but it also breeds creation#reminds me of that in a sense#hmm
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Also to add onto that last post in a much less poetic way
I remember my dad telling me when I was fucking 12 or whatever,
“I dont hate your brother cause he’s gay....I think he thinks I dont like him because he’s gay”
Well dad the fact you feel the need to tell you 12 year old child this while drunk makes me think that maybe you fucking made him feel like you hate him cause he was gay and dont forget black but dont worry I noticed you didn’t mention that.
#cause none of what you said made it clear that yknow you DONT HATE HIM AT ALL#or DONT LIKE HIM AT ALL#sounds like your just pointing out it wasnt cause he was gay#but also#why the fuck are you hyperfocusing on the fact that hes gay#dude was fucking at oldest 18 when you knew him#the fact you even immedietly labled him as gay without him ever saying so speaks wonders
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Im thinking about my brother tonight
About how he grew up in a time and an era where he was the most hated thing on earth
About how my grandmother cursed out my mother for daring to not only date but procreate with a black man
And how in 30 small years my grandmother changed her tune all the way to my brother being her favorite grandchild
I dont know the whole story
and honestly its not mine to tell
But I think of it all the time
How alienating and confusing it must be
to go from ‘the fucking offspring of a black man’ to the rich, well learned man everyone loves
I think about how my brother has never once said he is gay
And the only reason we know for sure is not his voice, nor his tutu’s, nor the cocks decorating his home
Its his ex-boyfriend and how at a party he told my mom who he was
Honestly sounds like a dick, glad he’s an ex, what with outing my brother like that
And I can only imagine
That my brother never said, either cause he doesn’t care to share, or maybe cause hes still living in a time, where such things were unspeakable
And while I think of him
I think of the kid who came into my store, and said loudly and proudly ‘I am Queer’
I think of my brother then
And how not a single rainbow adorns his home
And sometimes I fear
What on earth could have made him shut himself up from the rest of the world
And destroyed all the color in him.
#And sometimes I worry most of all#That it doesnt matter how far we come or how long it takes#He will always live in that world#where to be colorful is to be hated#and feared#okay to reblog
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Dana Ulama
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inherited traits
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well hello old vent blog--
I must say I feel like Im smashing my hands into the glass walls that are my brain today
just,,, one of my biggest questions, and regrets in my life is my sister. what did I do wrong. I just. We used to be so close. Yeah it seems im just an annoyance to her or or everytime I think of our relationship she always seemed so upset with me what did I DO?
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Love someone who is kinder to you than you are to yourself.
Nikita Gill, Things I Wish I Had Learned Sooner
(via thelovejournals)
#ironic seeing as to why I reblogged this from#ha ha yeah you can die in a hole lmao#anyways posting this here so they can see this
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Me: Im not that mentally ill, I think Im getting a lot better and its all trauma work now really....
Also Me: Is convinced that my stories are real and have happened and that Im being sent them to record what has happened, and that people in cars behind me tell me what to do
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me: i don’t want to be mentally ill
me, but quieter: but i also don’t want to recover because i don’t know who i’d be without my mental illnesses since they are practically my personality and recovery seems scary and it seems the only point of my life is to hurt because that’s all i’ve ever known. somehow mental illness is a comfort blanket even though it is the reason i need a comfort blanket to begin with and the world beyond this seems oddly confusing and terrifying
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*glares at headmate* this is all your fault your the trauma peice
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I have a hard time letting things go...your one of those things
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Its fucking stupid but Im sitting here crying because I just wanna hang with my friends and have a good time and I wanted to learn to ride a bike and go to an escape room or have an adventure go to the zoo...
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