say-that-you-will - Tumblr blog

say-that-you-will · 2 months

Text

TW ; CSA, murder, reference to a suicide attempt

I watch our shadows on the wall late at night and pretend they're shadow puppets. They're faceless, nameless, nobodies. So when he's held down against the pillows, not even trying to squirm away from the man on top of him, having his way with that boy's fragile little body, it means nothing, because they're only shadows. He must be pathetic for not fighting back. But I don't shed a single tear for him, I just stare. It's not like I can move my head anyway. The boy probably deserves this, for the heinous things he's done.

I'm still not here when your shadow finally disappears. I can't sleep. I get out of bed and wander over to the window, each step causing an ache in my body that I hardly feel. It's trying to remind me what just happened but I won't let it. The moon is full and at exactly the right height where it sits comfortably between the treeline and the edge of the window. The light on the wall becomes brighter when I open the curtains a little bit more, so I climb back into bed to play another game with the shadows. Place the blankets just right to create the shadow of a person. It could be a man that looks just like you. Then I take the pillow and fold it up, kneeling at the bottom of the mattress. It's my turn to be in control now.

I train my eyes on the shadows again. The boy, tall for his age, but quite lanky in frame, pulls his pants down. You lay so still you might as well be dead. Weak, because it doesn't matter who you are when you're alive, death will flatten you just like it does to everyone else, it shows no ounce of mercy. Just like the shadow of the boy on the wall. I choke on my tears for him, for what he's become. But secretly, it isn't for him, nothing I've ever done in my life was for him. I cry for me because I'm just like him, and I'm like you too. I'm a faceless amalgamation of everyone who's ever hurt me, and I'm none of the good parts of you. I'm the shadow. I'm The Shadow. I killed mom and dad. It's all my fault. I'm a murderer. I should've tried to save them. I should be locked in this place forever because, fuck, I really am insane. They should've let me die, the world would be a better place without me in it.

0 notes

say-that-you-will · 2 months

Text

I need everything and everyone to shut up she's the only person I want notifications from she's the only thing that's important

0 notes

say-that-you-will · 2 months

Text

She talked to me I'm normal again (lying)

0 notes

say-that-you-will · 2 months

Text

I think the reason I panic so easily is because I know how she's been treated in the past, I know who she's been with. I'm not much better than them. I'm scared of hurting her because she deserves so much better. I destroy everything I touch, I don't want to destroy her too. But I'm also too selfish to let her go.

0 notes

say-that-you-will · 2 months

Text

I think she hates me. What the fuck did I do wrong. I don't want this to ever end, I don't think I can live without her.

0 notes

say-that-you-will · 2 months

Text

It sickens me how you people silence us abuse victims with the whole "Ohhhh using narcissistic abuse is an ableist term", you don't realize that you're silencing us. You will never even BEGIN to understand the abuse and pain we all went through, all you care about is your political correctness and "ableism". You will never understand the pain of me being abused by my narcissistic mom, narcissistic dad, narcissistic sister, narcissistic brother, narcissistic grandma, narcissistic dog, narcissistic cats, narcissistic postman, narcissistic Silent Billy who lives in an apartment two blocks from me, narcissistic pigeons, narcissistic mosquitoes, narcissistic wasps, narcissistic houseplants, narcissistic construction site, narcissistic pavement, narcissistic clouds, narcissti

497 notes · View notes

say-that-you-will · 2 months

Text

Being an alter who basically IS source itself is like being isekai'd but instead of going to some other cool world I'm just chilling in a random body which is mentally unstable and has the most boring existence Watch me leave after 7 years and go back to being a demon overlord in hell /ref

9 notes · View notes

say-that-you-will · 2 months

Text

Pinned

Hi, my name's Elsie. I'm a transfem lesbian, and my pronouns are she/it. I'm one of the hosts of The Antithesis, a traumaendo plural system. I'm a host of a DID subsystem as well. I'm 19, though the subsystem's body is in its late 30s, and the physical body we reside in is 18.

This is a sideblog for me to talk about my own shit separate from everyone else's.

Main system account: @sexmortis

(More below the cut)

BYF

16+ only (bodily) please.

I'll likely post NSFW from time to time. It'll be tagged, minors DNI with those posts (unless they're vents).

The subsystem I'm a part of is a walk-in to the main system. We firmly believe our life and memories were real, invalidating that will get you blocked. This is my safe space to talk about my memories and have them be seen for what they are.

There will be heavy talk of my exotrauma, I'll do my best to TW these properly.

I have a clusterfuck of mental problems that the body doesn't. I won't say for sure, but I have reason to believe that includes NPD and ASPD.

Interests

Girls 🥰 (my girlfriend specifically)

Muscle cars (my girlfriend's muscle car/s)

80s slasher movies

System Of A Down

My girlfriend

Sleep Token

Traditional art

Did I mention my girlfriend?? I like my girlfriend :3

#intro post #alter intro #anti endos dni #plural #i might not have clarified this but i really really like my girlfriend

1 note · View note