saturnballz - Tumblr blog

saturnballz · 2 days

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so much of my transition currently has been just waiting around

waiting until I can get my hair cut by a barber, waiting until I can start hormones, waiting until I can get a job and money for masculine clothes, waiting until my mom accepts me

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saturnballz · 28 days

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um mico: cis gay que tem o senso de humor inteiro resumido em memes da agatha nunes e outras influencers trans mas quando interage com uma pessoa trans trata igual animal de circo

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saturnballz · 1 month

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every time a trans person comes out to their partner and gets warmly accepted a fairy is born

#religious trans

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saturnballz · 2 months

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I transed the wet cats gender for funsies

Every color in this is pink except for dark gray, white, and the trans flag

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saturnballz · 2 months

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so i just watched nimona and i can feel it consuming my soul already and also:

(the editing here is real bad but it's past my bedtime and also this is mostly to remind me to make a coherent post about ballister as a metaphor for a "one of the good ones" trans man when I have the mental capacity to)

#ftm #trans man #transmasc #nimona #ballister #ballister blackheart #trans ballister blackheart #transmasc memes #ftm memes #ballister boldheart #trans ballister boldheart

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saturnballz · 2 months

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Been thinking a lot about Ballister himself being a lower key trans allegory, and the new dimension that adds to him telling Nimona on the subway— “I just think it’d be easier if you were a girl.”

Because that would transform that statement from being JUST small-minded bigotry, to ALSO being an example of internalized transphobia and how even marginalized groups of people can unintentionally integrate rhetorics into their thought patterns that actively hurt them and people like them.

Watching Nimona gave me this impression of a very subtle underlying critique of cisgender gays being transphobic (because accepting transphobia as a norm is usually a pipeline to MORE marginalized rights being stripped…maybe even their own, next)

(Look up the phrase ‘lining up to get shot last’ for more clarification)

So if Ballister himself is transgender, and presents FULLY as masculine and is firmly in the closet about it out of ‘politeness’ (that, perhaps, he doesn’t even fully KNOW is oppressive in its own way, mirroring his discoveries about the Institution being Bad, actually) … him telling Nimona that it might be easier to be a girl is his gentle way of trying to impart “‘knowledge’” to her that pained him, but ‘helped’ him in the past.

Like a dysfunctional parent passing on a cycle of abuse without realizing it, his message to her becomes ‘Being fully masculine and pouring my effort into ‘passing’ has prevented people from hurting me, and I want YOU to have this knowledge so you might avoid the same pain I faced’ …and between the two of them, it’s only Nimona who has the crucial ending piece of ‘but I should never have to worry about people hurting me in the first place, given that the way I would express myself would literally never hurt anyone?’

Trans Ballister IMO really enhances the establishment-critical message of the story by adding the dimension of trans youth (Nimona) helping the older generations unlearn thought patterns that have stifled their self expression, and how trans youth work hard to usher in further LGBT acceptance by virtue of being visible and flamboyant in their self expression.

This is all to say, cringe is dead and also I think Nimona would be the first to help Ballister muster up the nerve to engage in more “‘feminine’” activities (like makeup) as a trans man, encouraging self-exploration and discovery without fear.

(Also the commentary on his and Ambrosius’s romance would be even MORE impactful for similar reasons!! ESPECIALLY because of that moment where Ballister LITERALLY chooses Nimona over Ambrosius when Ambrosius unwittingly makes it clear that he has acceptance for Ballister, but NOT Nimona by virtue of who she is. Ballister has connected strongly with Nimona by this point, to the extent that they share what they both call ‘home’. Previously, Ballister’s main support (who he always deferred to) was Ambrosius, but in this moment, Ballister chooses someone OTHER than Ambrosius for the first time… someone who does NOT echo the rhetorics that have hurt him before…. Hooooo the narrative MEATTT added by the idea of Ballister and Nimona BOTH being genderqueer would go so crazy, especially if you consider Ambrosius to be that cisgender gay transphobe/an allegory for Ballister’s previously internalized self-destructive beliefs in that scene)

(This also makes Ambrosius’s later statement + new and full belief of “What if we were wrong? What if we were always wrong?” even BETTER)

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saturnballz · 2 months

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i hate those little things that blur the line between dysphoria and toxic masculinity

currently having a massive crush on this cis guy and he's also kinda into me and i really wanna go for it but i'm made uncomfortable because we have a huge height gap (in which i'm the short part)

and i know being short doesn't make me any less of a man, and i know short men exist and they date tall men and that doesn't make them the woman of the relationship. and i know the very concept of me feeling like the woman in the relationship just because i'm short is one inherently based in sexism and toxic masculinity

but i just can't seem to get rid of it because i'm so afraid that he'll see me as girly or feminine because of my height (which he would never, i'm just terribly insecure and dysphoric)

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saturnballz · 2 months

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How to spot signs and symptoms of Breast Cancer

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saturnballz · 2 months

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having someone be attracted to you in a gender affirming way might actually be the best feeling in the world

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saturnballz · 2 months

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reblog for something t4t to happen to you this summer.

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saturnballz · 2 months

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the sentiment is still true btw but I've been pondering on this and i don't actually want to be a girl, i'm just bisexual (didn't see that coming)

shout out to trans men who want to be girls

honestly out of all the "definitions" of what a trans man is, "wanting to be a boy" is my least favorite one. I want to be a girl, really badly. I think girls are beautiful and I wish so much I could be one of them. but I can't, I can't find happiness being a girl. I know if I force myself to be a girl I'll get sadder and more frustrated everyday until I enter a really dark place. I know the clothes I find beautiful in all the girls will make me want to crawl out of my own skin, the spaces girls have make me feel like I don't belong, the companionship girls have feels like it doesn't fit. I don't want to be a boy, I just am one. there's no denying that, i'm just so incredibly happier being a boy, it doesn't matter what I want, I can't deny my truth.

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saturnballz · 2 months

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throwback to when I was a coward and came out to my entire friend group via whatsapp and that one friend who never checks the gc kept misgendering me for a week until he caught up on the rest of the crew using the right pronouns

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saturnballz · 2 months

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funniest thing about being a brazilian trans guy that mostly consumed trans content from usamerican and british content creators is that every "how to pass" video I've watched was like "men don't dye their hair unnatural colors, so you should keep your hair natural if you want to pass"

meanwhile the average guy in my city looks like this:

and don't even get me started on the mc brinquedo hairstyle.

#just in: there's no right way to look like a man #ftm #trans man #transmasc #brazilian trans guy

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saturnballz · 2 months

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being a (somewhat) religious trans guy is a whole other flavour of sad cuz I can't play an apostle in the easter play because "we would have to spend too much to make women look like men"

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saturnballz · 2 months

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There is a center to this poem But we cannot look at it yet

I check out a Harry Potter book to a student It leaves a bad taste in my mouth See, in the past 10 years the author has become The face and checkbook of a hate movement

Tighter

I moved here with my partner two years ago There were multiple contributing factors I left my community and the hills that I love In hopes of finding opportunity and stability

Tighter

I try not to use public restrooms It's a habit I picked up young See, when I was eleven some kids in my class Started a rumor that I was a lesbian

Tighter

In 2022 there were 174 anti-trans bills Proposed across the nation In 2023 there were 588

Tighter

My best friend is moving this summer She's thinking Santa Fe or Salt Lake City

Tighter

It is currently illegal in Utah to use a public facility That is designated for the "opposite biological sex"

Tighter

There is a center to this poem But I cannot look at it yet

In 2016 I had to go to work after Pulse and pretend to be ok In 2022 I had to go to work after Club Q and pretend to be ok

Tighter

There's a pervasive casual homophobia that permeates this place That my peers either don't notice or don't want to draw attention to Am I able to protect these kids?

Tighter

A man on the street insults my transfem roommate When I tell him off he laughs at me and calls me a dyke Am I able to protect myself?

Tighter

There is no center to this poem There is an absence, an empty desk There is a grief I cannot look at

Nex Benedict was 16 years old. They were a trans nonbinary Choctaw student Nex Benedict was beaten by his classmates in a school bathroom And died the next day.

There is no center to this poem It's been erased Oklahoma state legislators have called Nex's death A tragedy that was over-sensationalized Dismissing their death in one breath and their life in the next, "There are only two genders" and "we don't want that filth here"

There is no center to this poem But the outline remains Oklahoma leads the nation in proposed anti-trans legislation At 60 bills introduced this year

There is no center to this poem Trans youth today are caught in a storm And there are so few ports How can I be one of them?

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saturnballz · 2 months

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Rest in peace Akira Toriyama

Dragon Ball was such an important part of my gender journey. being able to bond with other boys over it, the older/younger brother relationship I had with my uncle due to Dragon Ball, almost all of my first interactions in which I put myself as a boy were centered around Dragon Ball. Whenever I struggling accepting myself, DB was there for me. Gohan being my biggest inspiration of a man that was strong and could fight, but was still a pacifist at heart. Goku showing me that men can be joyful and optimistic and still be badass. Vegeta reminding me that being 5'3 doesn't make me any less of a man lol. my first shirt from the men's section was a Goku shirt.

At the end, when I didn't have any role model willing to teach me how to be a proper boy, Akira's characters were there for me. I wouldn't be half the man I am today without Dragon Ball in my life, and i'm eternally grateful to him for creating those characters that inspired not only me, but generations of other boys (and girls and enbies) and filled our childhoods with color and action and fun.

Thank you, Toriyama

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saturnballz · 2 months

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Right, considering the current state of corporate politics on this site, and that it seems that only those affected seem to be actively speaking on the matter, this needs to be dragged out to a wider audience.

REBLOG IF YOUR ACCOUNT IS A TRANSFEM SAFE SPACE.

We need to show these higher ups how much we truly value them.

Edit: Changed the wording of the post and decided to put in a reminder that this extends to refusing to believe in bogus call-out posts for frankly minuscule thinks such as being horny or kinky, especially if the target is presenting in an ‘unconventional’ manner, (therians, etc.) this double standard where it is seen as ‘degenerate’ for transfemmes to merely exist in certain spaces, yet everyone else is fine to do so is disgusting and part of the reason for the backlash.

PUTTING TERFS DNI IS NOT THE BE ALL AND END ALL, YOU GENUINELY HAVE TO PUT YOUR MORALS OF BEING RESPECTFUL INTO PRACTICE.

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