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sammyxme · 1 year

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Imagine comforting Sam when he’s depressed (part one).

Pairing: Sam x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Depressed!Sam, Suicidal Thoughts, me projecting onto Sam, soulless Sam. TW don’t read if you’re struggling and can’t handle angst atm. My dms are always open to chat.

It had been a while since Sam had gotten his soul back. As his girlfriend, you were really concerned about Sam's mental state. He did so many terrible things while soulless. But it wasn't him. It didn't seem to matter to Sam. You noticed he hadn't been eating much over the past few days, and not to mention he's always plagued with nightmares. Sam was sitting on the motel bed, head in his hands.

"Sammy? You really should eat something, baby."

His head jerked up, realizing your presence. The way you stood in front of him, eyes filled with concern. You took notice of his red rimmed eyes, as well as the lack of sleep.

"Sorry, I just need some air."

He tried to stand from the bed, but fell back down. It must be affecting his body at an unhealthy level, if he couldn't even sit up without falling.

"Sammy, I know how it feels when you think everything is your fault. I know the world is pretty dark for you right now."

You sat next to him on the bed. Your hand finding its way through his hair.

"But you need to eat and drink and get some exercise. This isn’t healthy.”

Sam didn't know what else to do. He hated it when you got like this. Usually, he would have no problem telling you that he was fine, then leaving the room and going back to hunting. But he can't bring himself to do it today. He felt like giving in.

"Sam?"

Your soft voice snapped him out of it. He looked up to see you frowning. His face softened, seeing you worried. Your arm snaked around his waist, pulling him closer to you. You rested his head against your shoulder and began rubbing slow circles on his lower back.

"Hey. It's okay, Sam."

He looked at you, seeing tears pooling in your eyes. He quickly wiped them away before they could fall.

"I love you so much, Sam. Everything will be okay. None of this is your fault, okay?"

He felt guilty, knowing that he hurt you. He never wanted to be the cause of pain to anyone. He remembered the day he first came back, soulless. He had hurt you badly after getting in an argument. Sam had hurt himself over it multiple times, one cut, one bruise for every time he hit you. But it still wasn't enough, though the scars remained. You didn't know about his self destructive behavior yet. And he intended to keep it that way. What you don't know won't hurt you.

"Sammy?"

His gaze snapped back into focus.

"Hey, look at me."

He reluctantly met your eyes. You gently caressed his cheek, making sure he was looking you in the eye. You brought your other hand up to cup his chin.

"Don't ever blame yourself again. Okay? And tell me when you're struggling.”

You smiled at him, kissing his forehead. He leaned forward and gave you a hug, pressing your bodies close together. It was all he needed, to feel you close to him. Even if it made him feel slightly pathetic. You held onto him tightly, running your fingers through his hair.

"I don't deserve you, (Y/N)."

The words slipped from his mouth before he realized what was happening. You instantly pulled away, confusion evident in your expression.

"What are you talking about? Why do you think that?”

"I'm sorry. It's nothing...really."

You placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You can tell me, Sam."

You stared expectantly at him, waiting for an answer. It took a minute, but finally he decided to confess.

"It's just...I know it's selfish of me to say this, but I don't know if I should want to live anymore. I've done such horrible things to you, to Bobby, to Dean. I'm poison, (Y/N). I should’ve been left in the pit.”

"And how do you figure that? Because you're a monster? A soulless demon? That's bullshit, Sam. You aren't any of those things. Sure, you have your bad moments, especially lately. And sure, you make mistakes, like I know I do. But you're you again, Sam. And I love you."

Suddenly, Sam got up and excused himself. He didn't deserve this. He couldn't get too close to you.

"Yeah, um. I'm going out. Gonna go hunt for that Shapeshifter."

He grabbed his jacket and left, slamming the motel door behind him. He didn't want to let you see him breaking down like this. So he tried to hide behind a cold exterior and denial, to cover up his sadness. He hoped that it'll help him. And he'd take whatever he had.

(A/N: damn hit me right in the feels TT anyways hope you cried- I mean liked it.)

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