looking up an artist i used to follow fairly regularly a decade ago & wondering what happened to them & see that they've gone silent for a while now then looking up a friend i've lost complete contact with & wondering how they are only to see all their socials have gone silent for years as well. i wonder and worry but i also realize i'm pretty much doing the same thing. i haven't posted anything for a long while now. i keep wanting to but something always interferes & my energy to do anything just plummets. i wonder if it's the same for them too. i hope they're safe and that they're okay where ever they are.

I have been feeling very lost and detached with my art lately especially animation. I went to art school, took animation as my major, tried getting into the industry only to be met by the abhorrent treatment of artists here in my country (and i guess everywhere honestly). The salary i got was only enough to get back the money i had to put out for my commute to the studio and for one meal i ate through out the day. They reasoned “you gotta produce more if you want to earn more!” How when my mental state is at the negatives at that point for feeling so betrayed and disillusioned about everything. Needless to say I was filled with regret for having pursued this career and wished I went for a more “in-demand” or “stable” one even if my heart’s not in it. At least the bills get paid and maybe my self-loathing would be way less? IDK. I didn’t take that route in this reality. I’ve just been trying to survive by taking on freelance illustration work and have mostly abandoned doing any form of animation at this point. When I made this account to repost old works I’ve done I didn’t think much about it since it’s made at a time I still have an abundant drive to create despite my circumstances. I figured it’s just for archival purposes, maybe a reminder to myself of a time I was incredibly active artistically. Then I went into the tags and saw people expressing amazement and joy on what I made. It’s such a sketchy, unpolished piece too and yet people loved it. I cried. I want to go back to that point where I was able to create easily and freely. I feel like I’ve let everyone, including myself down. Seeing those comments made me sad and angry at myself. I want to go back. I want to be that person who created that again. I want to try to be happy with my art again. I want to love my art again. I want to try... For those who might read this and have been tagging kind words to my works, thank you. It’s through you that I want to start back up. I want to try this. I will try to create again.

an old character concept i had to create since my other character defected from the main group and essentially became an npc. i ended up really liking this one and kind of want to draw/write more about them.

practice while waiting for last rebroadcast

old art; this was something i drew for a friend's birthday. i want to redo this sometime.

Been a while since I drew the goodest, most handsome boy.

character portraits for my friends

Some more old CR art from me. This is from episode 17 I believe. I recall particularly enjoying working on this piece. Good times.

Happy 7 years Critical Role! Here are two of my favourite pieces that I’ve drawn during campaign 02.

Last one. I think this was later on in the campaign where they were on the Ball Eater then when they all rest for the evening, Fjord gets attacked in his sleep and Beau having become his second-in-command/closest friend at this point in the campaign just starts pummeling these creatures’ faces into a bloody pulp when she got the chance.

I forgot the exact context for these two save for it being based on some of the cast saying “Woooow” at Matt and his plot shenanigans.

Since I’m reminded of how I drew Pumat the first time with that Yasha gif, I’ll post this one next which reflects how I draw him a year later. I should draw him again.

The duality of my existing Yasha gifs is amazing. The other one was somewhat mysterious and then there’s this.

No animation here save for the lightning effects but I’m still quite proud of this... and that sleeping Beau cameo at the back. :D I believe this was Jester’s pov where she sketched Yasha being entranced by the rainstorm brewing outside as they rested for the night.

Alright, let’s post some more old CR gifs. I forgot what episode this was in but I remember rushing this to at least get it in before the episode ended. My productivity back in 2018 was on a whole different level, just drawing alongside the live broadcasts and trying to post within the day (Friday for me)... I miss that so much. Anyway, I think Sam also managed to break Travis’ record (Grog getting petrified in campaign 01) of holding a pose here? Don’t quote me on that.

Since Sam posted Caleb & Nott’s “set plays” I figured it’s time to repost this--a perfect execution of Modern Literature.

Slowly getting back into the groove of drawing after being sick for almost a week.