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rubyselenemoreno · 1 year

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Good Boy

Sirius was cold. He was tired, oh so tired. His stomach ached from hunger, his head felt foggy and loneliness seeped into his bones. His fur was matted, his paws sore and bleeding from walking. He didn’t even know where he was going, just that he had to keep moving. The fear of being caught by the ministry was always in his mouth but now, he could barely feel himself caring anymore. He was so so tired.

He stumbled, his paws kicking up soil. He kept blinking and then struggling to open his eyes again. When he finally fell, he didn’t even try to get up. The leaves rustled under him faintly as his breathing slowed, he could smell the damp of the earth and the air entering his lungs chilled him further but it was a relief to be able to close his eyes and not force them open again. Sirius felt that he could lie like that forever, that if he died now he didn’t think he would mind. At least it would be over. The pain would be over, the hurt, the endless longing for a life he would never get back.

He didn’t know how long he was lying there for. He could feel his fur getting colder in the chill wind but he still didn’t move. He had given up. Finally, after years of fighting his own fate, years of existing, of surviving but never living, he had given up all hope and willed his death to come. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. He thought that he could bear even some short term physical pain if it meant he didn’t have this aching anymore, this agony down to his very soul.

Sirius heard rustling nearby and footsteps vibrating through the ground he lay on but still he didn’t move. He didn’t even open his eyes. The footsteps drew nearer and he felt a presence next to him. There was more rustling as the person knelt next to him and he heard a gasp before feeling the most gentle of touches on his fur.

“Oh you poor thing” he heard a voice say and he thought perhaps he was delirious. “What happened to you?” the voice whispered. He felt that hand run through his fur, checking for injuries. “Well I can feel you breathing” the voice said “but what a state you’re in”.

The voice moved closer to Sirius’ ear and he felt warmth radiate from where they knelt. He whimpered slightly, it had been so long since he had been near a warm human body. So many years. The hand continued through his dirty, tangled fur until it was assured there were no serious injuries. “Come on”, the voice said, “let me take you someplace safe, I’ll look after you”. Sirius’ animagus form had always been a large dog but he was barely skin and bone so the person was able to lift him easily. Siruis felt the warmth spread further through him, he could smell firewood, fresh air and baking. It smelt like home, like the home he had had for too short a time with James and his parents. “Oh James”, he thought.

The person carried Sirius gently through the woods, muttering endearments the whole time, telling him what a good boy he was and that he was doing so well and being so brave. Sirius felt that perhaps he was dead already and this was an angel coming to take him to wherever he was meant to go. He had always thought he would end up in hell, his parents and the world at large had convinced him of his own evil so thoroughly, but now he thought that no demon would feel so gentle and smell so sweet.

After a while the person stopped walking and Sirius felt himself laid gently on the floor. There were some clunking noises before he was picked up again and laid on a soft blanket. His eyes fluttered open and he found himself looking into a pair of Y/E/C eyes. He truly believed he was looking at an angel now for it was a girl. A girl with huge eyes, soft skin and Y/H/C hair that tumbled into her eyes. Her cheeks and lips were red from the cold and he could see her breath misting in the air between them.

The girl smiled to see Siruis’ eyes open, even slightly. “There you are” she said, her voice soft and gentle. She reached out a gloved hand and very gently stroked his head. “Good boy” she said and Sirius could have cried at the gesture if he had not been in his animagus form. “I’m taking you home” she whispered, “you’re safe now, I’ll take care of you”. She stood and shut the car door, climbing into the front seat herself. She turned on the heating to warm them both and the car started. Sirius felt the motion of the vehicle rock him gently to sleep and he didn’t wake again until he felt himself being lifted from the seat.

The girl carried the skinny black dog into a tiny cottage and laid him gently on the sofa. Sirius watched as she knelt by the fireplace and started a fire that began to crackle as the match caught. “So she’s a muggle” he thought to himself, noticing the way she lit the fire. The girl nodded in satisfaction at the growing flames and wandered through a door, taking off her jacket as she went. Sirius could hear her moving in the next room before she came back, without her boots on and with a bowl of fresh water. She sat next to him on the sofa, holding the water bowl in front of him so he didn’t have to move to drink. Sirius wearily lifted his head and lapped at the water.

Once he had finished the girl praised him and disappeared into what he thought must be the kitchen again. He heard the central heating clicking on as well as the crackling flames and felt himself start to thaw for the first time in so long. She appeared again, this time with a plate of chicken which she held in front of him again. It smelt so good and Sirius could barely bring himself to reach for it in case it was a mirage and vanished once he touched it.

She seemed to understand his reticence to move as she delicately picked up a piece of chicken from the plate with dainty fingers and raised it to his nose. Sirius gingerly stuck out his tongue and took the piece of chicken. It was delicious and real. Before he knew it, he was wolfing down all the chicken to the low chuckle of the girl who seemed to be delighted he was eating. “There you go”, she said. “You eat that up like a good boy, you can have some more later, I don’t want you getting sick from eating too much too quickly”.

Once the chicken had gone, she took the plate away and returned with a steaming mug for herself. She sat next to Sirius on the sofa and gently began to stroke his fur, picking out leaves and twigs as she did. Sirius already felt so much better having eaten for the first time in days. He felt warm and cosy, the hands in his fur felt like angels wings brushing him and he slowly drifted off to sleep again.

When he woke it was dark outside but the little sitting room was cosy with a now roaring fire, the warmth of the girl next to him, her hand still resting in the fur on his back and the flicker of a television in the background. Sirius started to think that perhaps he hadn’t died after all and this was all real. Carefully he stuck out his tongue and licked the girls hand. She started slightly but turned to him beaming at the gesture. “Hello boy” she said, “I think perhaps I may need to think of a name for you, it looks like you’ve made yourself at home”. Sirius wagged his tail gently at this and she beamed at him again.

Sirius couldn’t remember when he last felt so at peace. The girl was watching some muggle tv and kept explaining to Sirius what was happening. He found it utterly charming that she would treat a dog as a person. She had given him another plate of chicken which he had eaten hungrily and more water. Sirius noticed the girl start to yawn and she switched the TV off, getting to her feet. “Come on boy” she said, “time to go outside before bed”. Sirius wearily stood and got off the sofa, walking through a tiny kitchen, through the back door and into a small garden. She sat on the step watching as he sniffed the air, wary of danger having spent so long being persecuted.

After he had been outside, she took him back in, locking the back door and moving towards the stairs. Sirius stood at the bottom, watching her ascend them and feeling unsure what to do. She soon realised he wasn’t behind her though and turned to him, motioning up the stairs with her head and saying “come on boy, keep me company”. He climbed the stairs and entered a little bedroom with a big comfy looking bed in the middle. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept on a bed but he knew it must have been years ago.

The girl pottered about between the bedroom and the bathroom before climbing into the bed in her pyjamas (Sirius had looked away while she changed, he valued this girl and her kindness far too much to take advantage of her only seeing him as a dog). She patted the bed beside her and Sirius whined, not sure if he could make the jump. He still felt so weak, his legs trembling just from walking up the stairs. The girl bent down, sliding her arms under his belly and gently lifting him onto the duvet. The bed was divine, it smelt of fresh sheets and was so soft.

He shifted until he was lying right next to the girl, his eyes gazing into hers. She stroked him softly, smiling to him and telling him how happy she was to have found him. Sirius couldn’t believe that he could actually get this lucky now after all these disastrous years but he thought that he’d happily spend the rest of his life as a dog if he got to spend it here and now, with this girl. Before long, the girl’s eyelids dropped, her hand stroking his fur stilled and her breathing deepened. Sirius sighed in contentment and found himself drifting off to sleep with her.

The next morning Sirius was woken by a hand moving through his fur again. He started awake feeling his heart thump in terror as he forgot where he was. It took a few moments to remember his luck from the previous day, the girl still there and gazing at him while he got his bearings. He breathed a sigh of relief once he remembered and relaxed once more. He was amazed he had had a full nights sleep. For years now he had barely slept for more than two hours at a time before being woken by terrifying nightmares, only to find himself in a reality worse than any nightmare.

Once the girl was up and dressed, she took Sirius downstairs and let him into the garden while she made him breakfast of scrambled eggs which tasted amazing after so long of prison food and whatever he had managed to scavenge from bins. The post arrived mid morning and Sirius went and collected it from the doormat, picking it up in his mouth and carrying it through but not before reading the name it was addressed to. Y/N Y/L/N. So that’s who the girl was.

Sirius found himself over the next few days and weeks, settling into a routine in his new home with his new ‘owner’. Y/N was kind and gentle, she cared for him well, bathing him to get the dirt from his fur, brushing him until his coat shone, feeding him delicious food and letting him snuggle up to her on her bed every night. Sirius started to feel stronger again, he slept less and was able to manage longer walks with Y/N when they went out on what she called “adventures”.

One evening, y/n went to meet some friends leaving Sirius at home. She left him with food, water and even a radio on for company saying she would be a few hours. Sirius took the opportunity to change back into his human form. It felt strange at first, it was several months since he was a man and he had to sit for a bit just to get used to his body again. He walked upstairs into the bathroom and gasped when he saw the face in the mirror. Although less gaunt after a few weeks with Y/N, Sirius could barely recognise himself. “What happened to me?” he whispered as tears ran down his face into his unkept beard. “I’ve grown old”.

With trembling hands he turned the shower on, undressed from his prison clothes and stepped into the steaming shower. It felt amazing, the water ran down his body, washing away tension as well as grime but not managing to cleanse his soul of the despair that ran through him. So much of his life had already gone. Sixteen years of abuse at the hands of his parents, twelve years of Azkaban, only six years of happiness and freedom. Sirius’ shoulders shook as he sobbed under the hot water, crying for his lost life, his lost friends and his lost soul.

Once he could cry no more, he dried himself off, trimmed his beard and hair with scissors he found in the bathroom cabinet and brushed his teeth with a new toothbrush he found in a box. He hid it so that he could use it next time Y/N was out and then tried his best to tidy up and hide the evidence of his ablutions. He had just settled back onto the sofa in his dog form, feeling cleaner than he had done in years, when Y/N returned home. Her face shone with excitement. “Oh buddy” she said (she had decided that was his name and Sirius felt it could have been a lot worse), “I’ve had the best time!”.

Y/N made tea, fed Sirius and let him into the garden, then snuggled next to him on the sofa and regaled him with tales of her time out. It was a very one-sided conversation with Sirius back in dog form but Y/N didn’t seem to mind. She told him all about her friends, the places they had gone, the food and drink she’d had and then that she had met a man. Sirius felt his heart clench at that. He liked having Y/n to himself, it had been so, so long since anyone was kind to him, cared for him, touched him with soft gentle hands, even if she did think he was a dog.

Y/N explained that she had known Nick at school, he had been the year above her and she had always had a crush on him. She had bumped into him tonight and he’d asked her out. She told Sirius that she was lonely, that it had been years since she had opened her heart after having it cruelly broken several years before. She confided in him that she just wanted someone to love her. Sirius felt guilty for feeling jealous and wanted to tell her that he loved her but he couldn’t, not unless he wanted to show her his true form and that he had lied to her, pretending to be a dog all this time. Never mind the fact that she was a muggle and would probably keel over if her dog suddenly turned into an escaped prisoner (he had seen his face starting at him from the muggle newspapers too). They went to bed later than usual but Sirius struggled to fall asleep, content to watch the beautiful angel sleeping next to him, her lips parted softly, her hair fanned out on the pillow, her fingers buried in his fur.

Y/N’s date was the following week. Sirius had been dreading her going out with this man, Nick. He’d lost his appetite again and Y/N was worried, even threatening him with taking him to the vet if he didn’t pick up. On date night, Y/N went upstairs to get ready. Sirius usually went too but he couldn’t bring himself to follow her upstairs, knowing he could never have a woman dress up for him again. When she came downstairs he almost whimpered aloud. She looked stunning, her hair glossy and done up into a complicated twist. She wore a black dress with bright red lipstick. “How do I look Buddy?” she asked, doing a little turn for him. Sirius sighed and rested his head on the sofa. Y/N left, making sure he had food and water and promising not to be too late.

Several hours later, Sirius heard the key in the front door and immediately got off the sofa, hoping to greet Y/N as she returned. However, when the door opened it revealed not only Y/N but also a tall, fair haired man, Nick. Y/N was smiling as she welcomed Nick into her home but her smile widened when she saw Buddy stood there, immediately crouching to stroke his fur. Sirius couldn’t help but glare at Nick, not only was Sirius jealous but there was something not quite right about him. “And this is my gorgeous best boy Buddy” Y/N said, introducing Nick to Sirius in his dog form. Nick leant over to pat Sirius’ head but before Sirius could help himself a growl left his throat. Nick withdrew his hand sharply and scoffed nervously, “I don’t think your dog likes me very much Y/N”.

Y/N looked puzzled. “That’s strange, he’s normally fine with new people” she reassured him. Nick didn’t look too convinced. “Would you mind shutting him away please? I don’t really trust him” Nick stated. Y/N’s face fell, sad that she was torn between a potential new partner and her beloved dog. “Um, ok if you would feel more comfortable” she muttered, leading Sirius into the kitchen. She whispered to him that she was sorry for shutting him in the kitchen and quickly gave him some food before making two cups of coffee and heading back into the sitting room, shutting the kitchen door and leaving Sirius alone.

Sirius sank into the bed she had placed for him in the kitchen, originally so he could keep her company when she was cooking. He placed his head on his paws, trying to block out the murmurs and soft giggles coming from the next room. He tried to take himself to another place in his head, like he used to do in Azkaban, he didn’t want to hear what might end up happening.

As Sirius was so far away, he initially didn’t notice the change in tone of the voices in sitting room. But suddenly he heard the sound of a cry coming from Y/N. He jumped up and ran to the kitchen door, standing on his back legs to look through the glass in the door. To his horror he saw Y/N pinned underneath Nick, his hand was gripping her jaw so tightly his knuckles were white and he was laughing while trying to kiss her. Sirius could see terror on Y/N’s face as she tried to fight Nick off but he was much larger and had both her wrists grasped in his other hand. Sirius tried desperately to get through the door, scratching at the wood, trying to turn the handle but it was round and he couldn’t get a grip on it. As he watched Nick removed the hand from Y/N’s jaw and ripped her dress at the front, exposing her breasts. Y/N sobbed, begging him to let go of her when he roughly started to grab at her. His knee moved between her legs and he started to push her dress up while she struggled and screamed.

Sirius was flinging himself at the kitchen door, barking and growling in desperation to get to Y/N and tear Nick apart but to no avail, the door simply wouldn’t open for his paws. Not knowing what else to do and almost without thinking, Sirius transformed back into his human form, grasping the kitchen door handle and wrenching the door open before he’d even finished the transition. He ran into the sitting room, grabbed Nick and threw him off Y/N. Y/N screamed and Sirius felt himself launching into the other man, punching every bit of him he could reach. Nick was so surprised by the attack he barely fought back. Sirius grabbed him by his shirt, marched him to the front door, opened it and flung him out. “Stay. Away. From. Her.” he growled, his voice husky from lack of use. He slammed the door and leant his forehead against the cool wood, breathing hard.

A sob behind him brought him to his senses and he realised what he had just done. Slowly Sirius turned round to face Y/N. She was crouching on the floor by the side of the sofa, her face covered in tears, her mascara running in tracks, livid red finger marks showing on her throat and wrists. Sirius pressed his back to the front door to try and give her as much space from him as possible but he couldn’t take his eyes off her. She stared at him, her chest rising, clutching the ripped fabric to her body. He didn’t know what to do, he desperately wanted to go to her, to take her in his arms and comfort her but he knew she’d be terrified of what had happened so he did nothing, just continued to look at her with his big grey eyes.

Gradually her breathing slowed as she realised she was no longer under attack. Her Y/E/C eyes searched his face for some understanding as to who he was and why he was in her house, protecting her. Her eyes found his and she stared into them, puzzlement over the familiarity of them creasing her brow. Sirius watched as she shakily stood, automatically taking a step towards her when he thought she might fall but managing to stop himself from rushing all the way over. However, it was Y/N who started walking towards him, her legs still wobbly from adrenaline. She continued to gaze into his eyes until he felt that he would fall into hers if it carried on.

She was in front of him now, within touching distance if he dared to reach out a hand. However, it was Y/N who reached out, so gently touching his hair and resting her palm against his cheek. He automatically leaned into the touch, he felt like he would die it was so beautiful to feel his human skin touched so gently. Again she astonished him by whispering under her breath, so lowly he could barely hear, “Buddy? Buddy is that you?”. Silently he nodded, too stunned she had recognised him from his dog form. His voice faltered as he tried to speak but before he knew it, she’d stepped closer and threw her arms around his chest, burying her face in his neck. He felt her tears falling on his skin and realised he was crying too. Almost like he couldn’t remember how, he shakily lifted his arms until they encircled Y/N and once he’d wrapped them around her, he couldn’t let go, he clasped her as tightly to him and though he wanted them to become one person and he wasn’t sure who was comforting who.

Sirius lost track of how long they stood like that before Y/N pulled away very slightly, looking up at him through wet eyelashes. She loosened her arms around him though Sirius almost couldn’t bear to let her go. She took his hand and gently lead him to the sofa, sitting him down before folding her legs up underneath her and sitting next to him, knees touching, her hand still clasping his. She reached up her other hand again and gently caressed his face, wiping away his tears and smiled so softly he started weeping again. She pulled him towards her and wrapped her arms around him again, rocking him gently and whispering that it was ok, while he sobbed into her hair. He didn’t know how long they were sitting like that again but the sky was starting to lighten through the window when they finally broke apart. Sirius felt drained, like his soul had been emptied out into the arms of this beautiful angel.

He studied her face, looking for any signs of fear or disgust at him but saw nothing but care and tenderness. She took his hand in hers again, holding her dress to her still with the other and wordlessly lead him upstairs. She sat him on the bed before rummaging in a drawer for an oversized t shirt and baggy sweat pants which she handed to him. Y/N walked into the bathroom and Sirius could hear the tap going while he changed. He was still so thin the sweat pants were loose on him so he did the cord tightly. Y/N returned in her pyjamas, and climbed into the bed, raising the duvet and holding her hand out to him to join her. He bit his lip, worried and she noticed the gesture, smiling sweetly at him. “It’s ok”, she whispered, “you’re exhausted, we can talk when we’ve had some sleep”. Sirius reached for her hand, feeling like the simple gesture was so much deeper than anyone could realise, like he was reaching for life itself. He slipped between the covers and Y/N immediately moved into his arms, resting her head on his chest. His arms slipped around her and slowly they both drifted off.

When Sirius woke, his arms were empty. Terrified he started upright, eyes wildly looking around expecting to see Aurors coming for him. The bedroom door opened to reveal Y/N, holding a tray laden down with food and drinks. She smiled brightly and Sirius couldn’t help but notice the bruising on her neck and wrists from her attack last night. “Morning”, she said, moving forward to place the tray on the bed in front of Sirius. “I felt bad that I’ve been feeding you dog food so I made you something nicer”. There was a full cooked breakfast, toast with butter and jam, pastries, tea, coffee and orange juice and a bowl of fresh fruit. “I didn’t know what you like so I kind of made everything” she chuckled to herself, folding her legs underneath her as she sat next to him.

The smell was mouth watering and Sirius couldn’t help but immediately tuck in, groaning in pleasure at the taste of the bacon and egg in his mouth. Apart from the food Y/N had given him as a dog, it had been many years since he’d eaten real food. Y/N smiled as she helped herself to toast, spreading it with butter and jam and watching as Sirius demolished the rest of the breakfast. When he’d eaten his fill he felt so much better and a smile managed to find it’s way onto his lips. She grinned at him, taking the tray away. “I’m going for a shower”, she said, “I was wondering if we could talk afterwards please?”. Sirius nodded, still not used to using his voice after so long. Y/N showered and dressed and Sirius washed before Y/N lead him downstairs back to the sofa. She made another cup of tea and then sat looking at him while he tried to work out where to begin his story.

“My name is Sirius Black” he began, his voice still husky but stronger now. “I’m a wizard and I’ve been in prison for twelve years for a crime I didn’t commit”. He didn’t know how long he talked for, trying to explain everything. He told her of his school days and how he had become an unregistered animagus, the death of his friends, James and Lily, the betrayal of Peter, his sentencing without trial and his escape. Y/N didn’t take her eyes off him once but she didn’t interrupt apart from the odd gasp and groan at points. When he finished he looked at her again, expecting to see fear, pity or ridicule. But she still looked so tenderly at him. He realised at some point she had linked her hand in his, their fingers intertwined and he was clutching them like an anchor in a rough sea.

“Do you believe me?” he whispered, almost not wanting to know the answer. “Of course!” she replied vehemently. “There is no way you just made all that up! Can I see one thing though please?”. “Of course, anything” Sirius muttered. “Please can you show me how you turn into Buddy?”. Sirius grinned, of all he had told her this was what she wanted to see. He immediately transformed into a dog and back again while Y/N laughed aloud and clapped her hands in joy.

Sirius turned to her now with a question of his own. “Why aren’t you afraid of me?” he asked. “Well”, Y/N began, “firstly you could have hurt me anytime you wanted to over the last few months but you didn’t. And secondly you saved me last night”. Her breath hitched as she remembered her attack by Nick and she shuddered subconsciously. Sirius reached his hand out and gently touched her face, running his fingers as softly as he could over her jaw and neck that was littered with finger marks. “I’ll never ever hurt you” he breathed, “and I’ll never let anyone else hurt you ever again, I swear it”. His words were so intense that Y/N gasped and leant closer to him, staring at him with wide eyes.

“Sirius” she whispered, like she was tasting his name and he felt his heart almost burst at the sound. She leant further forward, still gazing at him. His hand moved to her hair and he brushed it with his finger tips. Y/N sighed and closed her eyes in pleasure. Sirius could smell her, her shampoo and shower gel, the tea on her breath, her skin. She opened her eyes again and moved even closer her forehead now touching his. He felt his breath catch as her lips grazed his, oh so gently. He closed his eyes in ecstasy, moaning lightly. Her lips brushed his again, firmed this time and he gave himself up to them, feeling the tenderness of her lips against his, the beating of her heart, the shallowness of her breath.

Y/N moved her hands, sliding them up his chest, onto his shoulders to snake around his neck and his found her waist. They stopped for breath and just gazed at each other for a moment, panting slightly. Suddenly, they both moved as one, joining together again, lips meeting, tongues exploring, hands grasping. It was the most exhilarated Sirius could remember ever feeling in his life but at the same time it felt like he was meant to be here, that this was home.

Before he knew it, Y/N had climbed onto his lap, legs either side of his thighs while they kissed passionately, pouring all their emotion into each other. Sirius could feel tears on his face again but he didn’t know if they were his or hers, it felt like they had become one person, neither able to survive without the other. Her hands were in his hair, his pulling her almost into him in his desire for her, to get lost in her. When they finally broke apart, foreheads resting together, eyes locked to each other, Ruby whispered “we’re together now, Sirius, no one can part us. I swear I’ll be with you whatever it takes and wherever we need to go to keep you safe. But I’m never leaving you”.

Sirius thought his heart could burst. His mind flickered to everything he had gone through and he decided that if it had all lead to this, he didn’t mind. Every second of the pain he had gone through his whole life had been worth it. Even if this was all he ever had of Y/N, this time, this moment, it would be worth it and he would have suffered through it all again to be here, right now with her. His soul, his love, his happiness.

#sirius black #sirius x you #sirius x reader #post azkaban sirius

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