rubbishpit
Hurts everyone, doesn't get better.
19m
I welcome messages.
I share too much in private,
people hate me for it.
Unreasonably lonely.
29 posts
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Last Seen Blogs
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Can anyone tell me what my heart rate goes down to? I was sitting and watching videos.
Sitting down, regular and slow.
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Sitting down, regular and slow.
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I'm surprised that around two thirds like the slow and steady beats. While I prefer the latter, I can see why people enjoy the former. I'll see if I can do both when I can be bothered, being motivated is near impossible right now lmao.
Update
My new medication slows my heart down and, unfortunately, makes it skip less. How do you all feel about slow resting heart rates?
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Sitting down, regular and medicated.
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Update
My new medication slows my heart down and, unfortunately, makes it skip less. How do you all feel about slow resting heart rates?
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Okey dokey well I am pretty much free for now, bloody tired though.
Uh oh spaghetti-oh.
If I don't update this blog for a while don't worry y'all. Gotta do something important.
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My explanation of inconsistency
I've been mentally and physically exhausted lately, leading me to be in hospital fairly frequently. At the same time, when I had my most serious hospital visit I also got ditched and cut off by my closest friends so I deleted my old account.
I've been having suicidal thoughts and tendencies, overdosing and the like. I have developed some major trust issues too, seeing as multiple close friends did the things they explicitly said they wouldn't and don't want me around which further crippled my sense of self worth.
I've tried to avoid speaking much about this but seeing as I keep getting asked about what is up I figured I should post about it. What I have taken away from all this is that long term honest conversations with me will likely end abruptly without a reason given.
All in all, it has been bad timing to have been having life threatening issues compounded with self harm AND getting cut off by trusted friends who refuse to say anything in response.
While I don't blame anyone for what they've done (besides myself of course), I am deeply confused about the complete lack of communication. Usually people tell me why they hate me.
:/
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Uh oh spaghetti-oh.
If I don't update this blog for a while don't worry y'all. Gotta do something important.
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Short and irregular
Recent events have me feeling like a crappy person. Anywho, here's a really short file since the audio was unusable for most of it.
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Sitting, nauseous and dizzy
Yet besides being a bit fast, little seems to be happening.
Pumping very hard though.
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After a small breath hold and pressure
What do you hear in this?
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Special event over, I can go back to recording. I hope those older recordings were good enough.
Feel free to send anon asks to request anything, I'll decide whether I want to do them. Either that or comment below.
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A compressions file
Quite irregular, repeatedly squished my heart and it struggled a bit to cope.
Another older file.
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Crazy skips
Another older file
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That tachy file that was so popular
Pressure means tachycardia, my heart couldn't even keep up with itself.
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Y'all ever have people you want to talk to who would immediately respond but you have no idea what to say?
Or people who will ignore everything without a word but you know you would tell them about everything if they'd be receptive?
Anyway, that's definitely not eating at me, it looks like the poll is going mostly towards people wanting to hear some of the old recordings. I'll try to post one or two in the morning.
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Special event is on, I should feel better than this. Unfortunately it will make recording something new a bit unlikely for a couple days.
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