ravencincaide
A Writers Requiem
What's the point anyway? { 25/female}
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Pooksie pooks! Hawaii uuuuu??????? I noticed from your other posts that you still have some mental issues, r u okay????? I just wanna check in cos ur a really nice person even tho I may not come into ur inbox and say much to you, you r a special person with a nice heart, there may be things that make you feel like you're disgusting but I went through that too. I know your the most nicest big sister figure I've ever had! A kind that deals with bullies! So keep going m'kay? I hope this brought a smile to your face!
Awww this definitely made me smile, huge huge thanks for the message dear!
I really needed it today since I spend most of my day at the vets with a sick parrot so just exhausted and gonna catch up on some sleep soon. Still I wanted to drop by and say what a huge honor it is that you view me as a big sister and I will do my best to be more active :)
Thank you once again for your sweet words and I'll be sure to be back real soon!
Love and tired caw's
Raven
#raven cincaide status#sick pets is never easy#but I'll live#just need a little more time and then I'll be rocking amazing fics#just you wait!
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Thank you so much! I honestly wanna hide under a blanket in shame for not noticing, god I don't wanna even think about how many people think I unfollowed them or 'soft blocked them' because of it. *facepalm*
Anyways I'm doing okay-ish. This next months is hell but then hopefully I'm free to be a human again. How are things on your end dear?
Ps. the pics you send me, first Chuu and now 'zai honestly they make me smile! Thank you a ton!!!
hi raven 🤍
he's plotting something
Oh me oh my he really is, must be something devious *grins* can’t wait to know what it is
Also @osachiyo thanks so much for reaching out to me, looking forward to chatting with you and good that you did since I just saw that tumblr unfollowed you but now I fixed it! *grin as apology, side eye glare at tumblr *
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hi raven 🤍
he's plotting something
Oh me oh my he really is, must be something devious *grins* can’t wait to know what it is
Also @osachiyo thanks so much for reaching out to me, looking forward to chatting with you and good that you did since I just saw that tumblr unfollowed you but now I fixed it! *grin as apology, side eye glare at tumblr *
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RAVEN HELLO BBY 🤍🤍🤍 gaah I'm so sorry for not checking up on you sooner! I've seen that you've been having some complications abt some things and I've come to cheer you up !! pls don't ever hesitate to come ttm if you need to, and that you're an AMAZING writer. no exaggeration there! anyways back to the main point, how are you doing recently? that's what I really wanted to ask lol
OMG hiiii Ruru dalin thank you for checking up on me, and the chuuya pick *squeal*
I'm gonna use this post as an update on my life. So well yeah
aside from still dealing with stuff, dancing on the edge of burnout and deep depression, sleep deprivation and an inch of insanity I am also trying (donno if I will succeed or not) to get in my master thesis in on the first submission date which is... a month away *small panic*
So even if I get sparks of inspiration I don't really have the possibility to write anything T-T
BUT the good thing is I am becoming very VERY acquainted with naked bodies. So be prepared for a ton of smut once I am back and a ton of angst and fluff and gawd so many ideas so little time.
But yeah feel free to send me requests, send me messages and inboxes. I am here, I am alive just very very busy with writing 20 000 words T-T
Huge love
~ Raven
#raven cincaide asks#raven cincaide's ask#raven cincaide status#talk to me I swear I am not as scary as I look!
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Thank you so so much for the tag!
Five things I could talk about for an hour without any preparation 😳I think I'm gonna be the booooring one here....
Bungou stray dogs
Japanese culture, language, people and nature ( my experiences)
Nudity in activism, culture, history etc.
Cyber and information security
WRITING
Yup currently all study-related stuff...
Would love to tag (no pressure!) @soleelia, @avocate-assia-dazai, @pheonix-dragon, @hellkaiserinphoenix, @disenchantedbysociety, @rusmii, @acommonstargirl @stuffeddeer and anyone else willing to share :)
I saw this meme going around on twitter and I think it'll be perfect for this account.
List 5 topics you can talk on for an hour without preparing any material.
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I was rambling with myself and went to your profile saying "So I don't see the point" and saw your bio which goes "What's the point". Kinda laughed at that for no reason
Oh my goodness what a coincidence! Or meant to be ( if you will a ‘fated encounter’) ? Anyway Hi and thank you for sending this, you made me laugh, unknown person with a seemingly similarly melancholic mind
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Honestly now that I'm seriously considering what to do with my blog and get asks, or better yet comments/inboxes about my fics from proud minors practically bragging they went reading content that's disgusting, dark and dirty and so obviously not for them I just wanna throw my hands up and refer to this post by amazing @rusmii Ruru, Darlin you summarize my feelings so well in such a diplomatic fashion!
Not everything on my blog is 18+ content, but the stuff that is, is marked with warnings, huge red text, labels and text that clearly says 'minors sorry not this one'. It means, quite literary, if you're below 18, then don't read it. OR if you read it (because lets face it, no amount of bans, blocks, transfers to other sites or similar will stop a determined teen) then at least have the common decency to keep quiet about it.
Like honestly bragging about it is such a slap to the face to me; a blunt disrespect of what I said. Don't do that, don't be that person who gets grouped with other disrespectful people that writers want away from their content. Just.. please don't.
~ Raven's rant is over, back to sleep this birdie goes XD
to the anon in my edit: [in]box, no—being a horny teen doesn’t give you an excuse to interact with mdni blogs. i’m not a mdni blog, but if u can’t respect someone else’s boundaries then you’re just admitting you have no self control/restraint or ANY shame and dignity.
to degrade yourself and only state the fact that you’re a teen in the hormonal phase is something else alright… like cmon.. ik you have better self preservation than that :/
#writers don't do this#if its mdni then it means mdni#ruru you're amazing#thank you for clarifying#and for my followers please take this to heart#or else I really will have to start blocking people or moving my smut#and none would want the bdst smut gone#raven cincaide status#raven cincaide's ask
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On all my profiles, always! Even while on Hiatus I pop in every now and again so if you’re patient then yeah please reach out to me, please talk to me , just cuz I write scary doesn’t mean I am
Reblog this if it’s okay to DM you and shoot the friendship shot.
#i just want more interesting people to vibe with 👉🏻👈🏻🥺#bsd chuuya#raven cincaide's status#please talk to me#socially inept
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AWwwwwwwww this made me smile, HUGE THANK YOU YOU'RE AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL!!!
<3 <3 <3
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Hi
The Despetare Times Desperate Measures series is so angsty and complex with so many layers! It got me very curious about your blog. I'll definitely read more of your fics.
I see that you're on hiatus, take all the time that you need, breaks are super important.
If you're still receiving anons, can I be 🦉anon?
Happy Easter Holidays!
Hi 🦉
God what a gorgeous icon!
I'm so glad you liked the series considering how dark and heavy it is. Please check out more of my stories if you feel like it/while you're at it and let me know if you have any questions and such (I would adore any feedback you have- just like you did with desperate times) if you have the energy of course.
Yeah while I'm on hiatus I will be popping in every now and then just to keep an eye on inbox/messages and similar.
Thank you so so much for your kind wishes and I hope to be back soon!
Happy happy Easter holidays to you as well! Hope they're plentiful and fun for you <3
~ Raven
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i will BEAT dazai and chuuya
Hi there anon,
I am not entirely sure what to do with this inbox/ask but I'm going to assume you're referring to the latest chapter in Desperate times series? IF so emmmmm sorry for the anger/hurt? And also good luck beating them :)
Raven
#raven cincaide#raven cincaide's ask#asks answered#probably#desperate times call for desperate measures#bsd chuuya#bsd dazai#raven cincaide asks#raven cincade's works
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Hiatus notice
Hello my lovely followers, readers and any poor soul who's stumbled onto my blog. There's no easy way to say this but I'm taking a break. Things happened, I lost a once precious friend to me for whom I've been writing a lot. So now all this fanfiction writing leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
So I'm going to take sometime away from Tumblr to heal. To stop seeing every story as me writing for them and anxiously await their feedback, that's never going to come anymore. To stop second guessing myself and just accept that sometimes the person you love with all your heart and let into your life just isn't good for you anymore. Mutual dreams become my dreams, promises are broken and my hurt becomes my burden to carry alone.
Friendships end, love ends. I wish it was so easy so as to just tell the heart 'stop hurting its over'. But life isn't so easy. And so for now I'm closing this part of my life until the bitter tears stop. Until the ache fades and regret is gone. One day I'll be back with even better stories and gorgeous heartfelt work. So it's not necessarily a farewell, more an undefined goodbye.
Until next time
~Raven
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Seeing the Desperate Times Desperate Measures discussion going on rn. So excited to see how it'll turn out in this part(the pain is gonna eat me up).
Just a small inquiry, but for this series in the future would you prefer to give it a good ending or stick with the angstiness all throughout. If not decided which would you just rather have at the moment?
I need my girl to live long enough for that Reddit post😭
JKJK, hope you're doign well and am excited to read the next part
-💐(Do you mind if I switch to 🌙)
Hi there 🌙!
And to be honest I'm writing this series literary one chapter at a time, no planning, no nothing. (Still the Reddit post made me laugh! And the original is one of my treasured inbox comments- I go look at it whenever I feel so done with writing so thank you for it/the laugh!)
Admittedly parts of " The word that made the difference" are things I wanted to include in earlier chapters but couldn't get it to fit.
More precisely, for a long time the change of pace/attitude/tune between chapter 1, Desperate times call for Desperate measures, and chapter 2, Happy unhappy home, bugged me. It was so obvious that something happened between those two chapters but I really struggled to explain what it was-- until now. So this chapter is very much a way to make peace with my mind, while it also sets up things for the chapter after. So for now, all I can say is that she will live at least for a chapter more. But then it will depend on the boys- they aren't winning any boyfriend points as of right now...
Thank you so so much for your time and engagement! And sorry for this small rant and hope you'll enjoy tonights chapter!
~Raven
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The word that made the difference
Summary: You knew you had to get professional help even if you did not want to, Dazai’s words and actions made it absolutely clear to you he wouldn’t tolerate anything else, and Chuuya seemed to silently agree with him. Still the answer you got was not for the question you asked; but that one word was enough to make you reevaluate everything.
Pairing: Dazai x Chuuya xfem! Reader (skk x fem!reader)
Author note: An independent continuation of Desperate times series, and next part of Happy unhappy home! Check that series out if you’d like more angst, skkx reader, new parents, all that and see more of what happened right before this scene!
Warning: Cursing, depression/postpartum depression, New parents/exhausted parents =bad choices/reactions, Angst,
Enjoy~
Pregnant
The word felt unfamiliar- surreal- like a misdiagnosis wrapped in excuses, wrapped in women’s issues and wrapped in reasons to get you out of the office. Yet it was as if that singular word explained everything you had experienced lately and nothing at all. Maybe it explained the hopelessness, the darkness, the unbearably tense existence that has become your home; but it could not explain the way you felt about the twins. The inability to connect with them. Or the inability to feel any warmths from Dazai and Chuuya. Perhaps, at this point, you were so ruined and wrong that you could not connect with anyone. Not the twins, not Dazai and not Chuuya.
We think you have postpartum depression
A part of you wanted to stand up, run out of the medical office and into the waiting room right outside where the four of them were waiting. To rub it into the two mafioso's faces that they were wrong. Ha the geniuses were not genius enough to sidestep medical school, and it wasn’t as easy as to use some template they took from god-knows-where and assed you by it instead of talking with you, asking you, helping you. They were wrong- you were right. You won.
But what was your prize?
“ I have never had a reason to hit you. You’ve always been a smart girl- don’t give me another reason to do it. Again. If you’re sick- get help.”
Dazai’s words from a day ago rang in your ears. His tone, the iciness in his gaze as he brought you down to the knees in cold standing water with a single slap repeated itself in your mind. Like a never-ending loop it played before your eyes. Your mind, the twisted bastard, hadn't left the image unchanged, but rather conjured up the way it must have looked from all angles; from the side, from above and even from below. Driving in the humiliation further. Like some dramatic exaggerated scene out of a soap opera, a middle aged housewives tv-series, and the act was meant to be a huge burden for the main stars in season one but then it gets solved three episodes later.
Forgiven and forgotten.
But this wasn’t a soap opera, this wasn’t some lame drama created to satisfy lonely women as they waited for their loving husbands to come home from golf. This was reality. Your reality- your life. And soon, not only your own. That one realization grounded; it was enough to escape the clutches of shock and confusion and placed you back inside the small, simple medical office and the woman opposite you.
“ Well yeah, it’s no wonder you’ve been feeling like shit the last few weeks. I’d say congratulations but really— “
Yosano’s voice faded into the background again; your mind tiffany twisted, drowned out her words as more flashbacks pulled you under the surface of reality. Simple things, comparisons like the joy last pregnancy brought and the dread this one carried. How caring, sweet and gentle it started but how difficult the previous one ended; and how difficult this one started while the thought of it getting worse filled you with dread.
Blood rushed to your ears; your pounding heart overshadowed all sounds, dulled the quiet medical office into an obnoxiously loud space. Your vision blurred, tunneled and span. Inadvertently you pressed the fingers of your shaking hand to your eyes and rubbed them, then shook your head to try and clear the dark dots which played in your sight.
You wondered how and why it happened. You couldn’t fathom the idea that you were, yet again, carrying a life inside you. No, it was absurd. Surely Yosano was mistaken, it hadn’t even gone that long since the twins were born and–
All at once the reality came crashing back down again. You were back on the hard chair, back opposite Yosano and suddenly very aware of every inch of the office. And the continuation of her displeased rant; the way her tone grew louder, annoyance sipped into every syllable. The barely held back curses which evidently played on the tip of her tongue. Yet she tried to look casual, head rested in the palm of her hand, body language open and turned towards you. But the anger was undeniable in the way her second hand gripped the pen, almost snapped it in half and poured the goey black onto a pile of papers- the results that signaled your doom. “ I told the damned bastards to–”
“ – But I thought you couldn’t get pregnant at least until 18 months have passed after birth” you interrupted her, your voice a fraction away from hysterical. You looked at Yosano expectedly, begging her for the confirmation that this was some weird biological fluke. A mistake that no one of you could have predicted.
You jumped as she slammed her fist against the wooden desk.
“ Where the hell did you hear that bullshit from?” Yosano took a deep breath, slipped back into her composed doctor mask and did you the courtesy to reply to your questions calmly and professionally “It’s not recommended to get pregnant earlier than 18 months after delivery, to give the body time to heal. However, biologically speaking, there’s nothing preventing you from it once you’ve gotten your period. Some can get pregnant as early as four weeks after.”
You bit your lips to hold back a curse, and hung your head at your own stupidity. “ But one time..” you mumbled absentmindedly as memories of an unromantic quickie on the same night the pair returned home from their months long mission ran through your mind. A disappointing act that drove a rift in your relationship. That became a silent fight you never openly addressed; just picked up your things and moved into the shoe-sized spare bedroom. Something which neither part of double black seemed to mind.
If anything you swore your absence in the bedroom brought them relief.
To your surprise, Yosano rested a comforting hand on your shoulder. “ Sometimes one time is plenty. Now then to break the news-” She moved away from you and began stomping towards the door which separated her office from the rest of the medical bay. And ultimately, the space where your so-called lovers waited with the twins.
“ No wait!” you cried. In an instant up on your feet, both hands wrapped around Yosano’s arm. Although she was undoubtedly stronger, the action was shocking enough to halt her movements. She turned to face you, surprise edged into her features. But you couldn’t meet her eyes. No, you did not want her to see that the seemingly perfect relationship had been reduced to shambles. A broken thing which had become filled with responsibilities and fear. The thought made your cheeks redden in shame; never ever in your life would you have thought you’d be fearful of your lover's reaction to seemingly joyful news. And even more shamefully, feel the need to make excuses for it in public.
“ Tell me honestly Y/N” Yosano’s voice was low, the accusation unmistakable.
“ It’s Dazai’s” You answered in a heartbeat, met her gaze full on with the most earnestness you had ever displayed in your life. “ Undoubtedly his.”
You dropped your hand from her arm and brought it back to your side, wrapped it protectively around your stomach. You forced your lips up into a smile, hoped it looked innocent yet nervous. Then mellowed out the look in your eyes to the point the blush looked more shy than guilty. “ W-well, you know, Dazai’s been wanting a child of his own since the twins and I.. just want to break the news to him in a special way.” The lie rolled smoothly off your tongue and Yosano seemed to buy it.
She laughed at you, teased you for the still corny behavior while lightly reminded you this wasn’t your first kid as she sat back down and began going over essential medical information with you. Information you took in with a smile, nodded in appropriate places without really listening. But who could have blamed you?
Your mind was for once on your side as it formed second by second a feasible plan for you. Not easy, but manageable. Drunk on thought that you, YOU, the innocent little weak dove had gotten away with such a blatant lie gave you the courage you needed to indulge in those thoughts. The thoughts you hadn’t even dared to think of before. Now they felt so close and so real.
Although, admittedly, the lie you uttered wasn’t a complete lie. Indeed, you intended to make sure he would find out this news in the most unforgettable way possible.
You just never said the surprise was going to be good…
Author note: The first part of this chapter is dedicated to each and every person who thought A Hit Beyond Rock Bottom was not heavy /angsty enough and Dazai’s actions weren’t too bad.
The second part is for us who can see that the reader is strong and it's time to see that strengths manifest itself into something useful. Well hope you enjoyed this and until next time~
Click here for: Part 1 , part 2 and part 3 or Check out Raven's masterlist.
©ravencincaide 2024. Do not copy/repost/translate or spread my work(s) without my explicit permission. If you see any of my work(s) reposted/copied anywhere else without my consent, please inform me!
#desperate times call for desperate measures#bsd chuuya#chuuya x reader#chuuya nakahara#chuuya nakahara x reader#bsd dazai#dazai x reader#chuuya x you#dazai x you#skk x reader#new parents#angst#bsd angst#skk parents#raven cincade's works#raven cincaide
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This is me right now; coughing, fever like hell and sore throat. I think the world is spinning?
And like an idiot I'm debating between finishing the fics for Sunday (while hanging on the original posters blog for inspiration) and the icky cup of herbal tea meant to help. For now the fics are winning...
Jokes aside, take care of yourselves lovelies! You too OP!
~~Raven
Guess who made themself sick being a stress head?
It ✨me!✨
I'll try to get back to working on this tumblr soon, Darlings, sorry for the delay 😭
Please enjoy this owl while you wait 🖤
#raven status#you're not alone with stressing yourself into sickness#god life is just...#I'm sure it will pass if I ignore it XD
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“Accept the fact that you will grow apart from people you’ve had significant relationships with. Understand when someone no longer positively affects your life. Let them go. Don’t hinder your growth.”
— Lyjeeria
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i love the desperate times for despereate measures series, are you gonna do another part (dont feel rushed take you time if you do :) )
Hi there anon!
Yes the next chapter is going to be up tomorrow afternoon (around 5 and 6 PM UTC if Tumblr queue decides to work as planned -__-) I'm holding my fingers crossed that it's worth the wait! :))
~Raven
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