if i got jigsawed and woke up in some moldy room with a makeshift bear trap on my head or whatever i wouldn't even let it phase me. i'm not willing to be taught lessons i'm not paying attention to a puppet. i would close my eyes and visualize abstract forms in jewel tones until a machine tears me asunder. now we've both wasted our time and you won't be able to return anything in this room to ace hardware. what did YOU learn, old man
various 20′s-era djer-kiss cosmetics (by french perfumer kerkoff) advertisements, accompanied by fairytale dreamland illustrations by r.l. & e.d. forkum .
(pet death cw)
I did have to put my sweet noodle down a few weeks ago. i'm still very sad about it, and i miss him so much more than i ever thought possible.
But i'm also getting back to the things i like to do! so i'll be back on here again <3
my cat noodle stopped eating, so we took him to the vet and he has a large mass in his abdomen. they sent us home with pain meds and some anti nausea stuff and a referral for a specialist who we got in to see on the 2nd.
in the meantime though, it's really a struggle to get him to eat. he'll lick things, sort of sip at food when we put warm water on it, but he's not really eating. i've caught him drinking some water too, but it's little sips.
mostly he is following me around like a little drunk, just being my shadow. he sleeps 99% of the time. they told me the mass is taking up a lot of his energy - he's lost 2 lbs and had a lot of muscle atrophy. i told andrew that if he doesn't want to eat i won't make him, so i just make the food up for him and let him take as much as he wants and then take it away when he stops showing interest.
his meows are so tiny. idk he's in good spirits and not in any discomfort which makes me so happy and relieved, we just gotta get him through tuesday so he can go to the internal doctor.
BUT DAMN it is. heartbreaking. he's my best friend. he's kept me alive, and been with me through everything; moves, and relationships, and heartbreaks and losing my grandmother. i don't even know if i'd be alive if he wasn't here.
i told him that he's my best friend, and that he needs to try to stay alive for me. 2021 was so hard and i was like "yOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS IN 2021 GOOFBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T MAKE 2022 THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
ANYWAY just needed to get some thoughts out. i love my little guy. i want him to be free of pain and ok no matter what <3
i keep thinking of the poem "my cat jack" by hunt hawkins.
"[...]
For he is easy in this life.
For he does not think ahead to death.
For he carries no cash.
For he does not have any pockets.
For he saves nothing, not even a bone.
For he eats what I give him, mainly Friskies.
For he is unemployed.
For even in the cat box he maintains his dignity and squats very straight.
For he does not know who the President is.
For he comforts my mind, which ceaselessly rolls in doubt and fear."